My son is 14 years old and he never seems to care about his studies. He's addicted to playing games. How can I educate him?

Good morning, I'm Mr. Kang, the listening teacher. I can imagine that you might be feeling anxious and distressed, as though you're powerless to do anything about your child's condition.

I would like to share some of my own experiences with you in the hope that they might be helpful.

1. As parents, we have a great deal of responsibility for the challenges our children face. You have shared that your child has not been interested in learning and has developed the habit of playing games on the phone since he has not lived with you since childhood.

From this, we can gain insight into whether we may have overlooked aspects of our children's upbringing during a crucial period of their development. It might be helpful to reflect on the specific efforts we have made in supporting our children's learning and overall well-being along the way.

2. Could I ask you whether you are patient and sincere in communicating with your child? You described how saying too much makes them stubborn and causes them to throw tantrums. This suggests that there may be room for improvement in your communication with your child. Perhaps you could consider adopting a more constructive tone, and try to avoid using accusatory language or expressing anger or hatred towards your child for not meeting your expectations.

It is important to remember that children in adolescence are trying to find their place in the world. If you are not able to listen to your child's voice and understand their perspective, they may feel the need to resist your ideas. It is essential to let go of your anxieties and truly connect with your children, so they can feel heard and open up to you.

3. It might be helpful to consider that to solve your child's problems, you may need to address your own. It's possible that your child plays games and uses the phone all the time and has no interest in studying.

Have we, as parents, taken the time to reflect on our own problems? Do we also have this kind of problem and situation? Do we also often play with our mobile phones in front of our children? Some parents may say that they are very busy at work and have no time to study. They may also say that they want to relax a little when they have time.

If we are always in this state in front of our children, they may subconsciously follow our behavior. This is why parents are often the first teachers of their children. Therefore, if we want to solve our children's problems, we might consider whether we have done our best as parents to solve their problems. And the most important thing parents should do is to create an atmosphere where children are willing to learn and set a good example.

Hello,

What is a 14-year-old going through?

It's fair to say that they're going through a lot during puberty.

They're going through a lot of physical and psychological changes really quickly.

They can also become sensitive, irritable, and aggressive.

These behaviors are just their way of coping with change and protecting themselves. They don't intend to go against their teachers and parents.

They're also panicking during the changes of puberty, so they can only respond instinctively, relying on their bodies and instincts.

They're like birds struggling in a cage, waiting to be rescued, or a boat in a storm at night, desperately waiting for someone to show them the way.

Their unusual behavior might be a way to ask for help.

I know you love your child and want the best for him. You want him to succeed in life, and right now, the biggest challenge is the high school entrance exam.

Then, you can ask yourself what you really expect from your child. What do you think your ideal child would be like?

Is he doing his homework right? Do you think the teacher will have to call you to the school again because of his schoolwork problems?

Has he stopped playing games? Has he learned to communicate with you effectively and treat you as an equal?

Or, do you want your child to be happy, healthy, and well-adjusted, both now and in the future?

Let all these expectations come to mind freely, even form vivid images. Remember how good it feels to be able to relax at this moment, and think of the smiling face of the child in the image.

Then, with this feeling, talk to your child. No accusations, no pressure, and no academic tasks. Just tell him the scene you imagined before, with love and expectations.

He's not a willful child. He's just asking for help in his own clumsy way and hoping someone will see his request. At the same time, he's also trying to grow up slowly and wants his parents to treat him as an equal and respect him.

When you're done talking, don't forget to ask your child what he thinks.

For instance, you could ask him why he likes playing games so much and whether he's good at them and feels a sense of accomplishment. You could also ask him to tell you about the games he likes. When you listen to his introduction, you're not really listening to the game, but you're getting to know your child better.

Ask him why he didn't finish his homework. Is he just not good at it? Do you think he needs help from parents and teachers?

Why do you sometimes find it difficult to communicate with your parents? Have there been any instances where you felt hurt by them?

Answerer, please ask your child with concern. He can feel your love for him, and love will eliminate all misunderstandings in words and actions, strengthening the bond.

Even if the problems still exist, having your loved ones by your side will help you grow and become stronger. Your family members are there for each other, supporting each other through thick and thin, and there's no fear.

I believe in you and your kids. You're all born of love. Best wishes!

Hello, I'm a heart coach. I'll listen to you and support you.

As a parent, I understand your concerns. You worry about your child's studies, their future, and their happiness. The more you think about it, the more worried you become. Controlling them doesn't work and damages the relationship. If you don't control them, you worry and don't want to let go. Your child is about to enter their third year of high school, so you don't want them to "degenerate," do you?

Breathe and calm down. Deal with your emotions before things. Your child's problems reflect your own.

I suggest you notice your feelings of impatience and anxiety about your child.

1. Look at the problem from a different perspective.

Your child is addicted to games and unmotivated to learn. You discipline him, but it has no effect. It also damages the relationship.

This shows that your interaction with your child is ineffective and leads to rebellion. Just let go and leave him alone. At least this way, you can maintain a good relationship with your child.

It's hard for parents to "let go" because it means "losing control."

Letting go is not neglecting. It's about not trying to control. We cannot change anyone, but when we change ourselves, the other person will naturally adapt.

Treating insomnia is like treating addiction. Many people think of the solution as how to fall asleep quickly. But if you look at it from a different perspective, you simply don't sleep. When the body can't take it anymore, it will naturally fall asleep.

Our thinking is often limited by certain frameworks. When we look at a problem outside of these frameworks, it can become a useful resource.

2. Don't judge.

We think stubbornness, temper tantrums, lack of motivation, not doing homework, and addiction to games are bad.

We usually judge people and events based on our own views. This is good because it helps us make decisions. But if we judge too much, it can damage relationships and limit possibilities.

The truth is often found by looking at things from different points of view. A child's stubbornness shows he has his own opinions and views. Throwing a tantrum is exercising his independence and maintaining his sense of boundaries.

Games can help people escape reality, do things they can't do in real life, and achieve dreams that are impossible in real life.

We are parents, but we also grew up at that stage. When we look back, did we rebel? It's not always about not doing homework.

Girls love dressing up and focusing on their image. Boys smoke, read romance novels, and focus on their image.

If you try to see things from your child's perspective, you'll understand them better and know how to respond.

3. Why they do what they do

There is right and wrong, but there is always a reason.

If a child doesn't do their homework, is often called home by the teacher, and is too addicted to games, these behaviors are bad for learning. But why do they do them?

For example, stress relief, a happier life, and more independence?

Your child lives with his grandmother, so you're not enough for him. If you always talk about schoolwork, he'll be rebellious.

Even if a teenager is with their parents all the time, they can get angry about schoolwork, especially when they are criticised.

Problems with your child should make you reflect on your marriage. Your relationship, companionship, and child-rearing all affect your child's learning.

To solve a problem, you have to find the root cause.

Good grades don't equal a good life.

At this age, academic performance is the main focus, but it is also important to pay attention to the child's physical and mental health, as well as their moral character and sense of responsibility.

The book "How to Cuddle a Hedgehog" is a good read for you. It's about how to get along with teenagers.

I hope this helps. I love you.

Click "Find a coach" to keep talking. I'll work with you one-on-one.

Hello! I can tell you're a dedicated parent, and I admire you for facing the challenge of your child's lack of motivation to study during adolescence. It's not easy, but you're up for the task. I can see that you're also concerned about your child's future studies. I know it's a big responsibility, but you're ready to take it on. I'm excited to tell you about some things you can try.

– Be open and honest with your child and tackle the issue head-on!

I know it may not be easy, but I really hope you can try! If you want your child to face up to the problem of a lack of motivation in their current development, you also need to try to honestly take responsibility for your own problems.

For example, due to unforeseen circumstances, you and your child are separated for a while and must rely on an older relative. This is a great chance to show your child how to face problems head-on and solve them together. You can express your apologies and take responsibility, showing your child that you're there for them. You can even let your child help you think of a solution, which will help them reflect on themselves.

Don't waste time with empty talk. Make every possibility for improvement concrete!

Empty preaching is the least likely to gain the support of an adolescent. But there are so many other ways to get your child excited about learning! For example, instead of just encouraging your child to learn from people who have done well, analyze with him the success of his idol. Instead of just telling your child to pay attention in class, ask him to record or describe in five sentences each day the gains from the most enjoyable class of the day. And so on! These simple changes can help your child learn to set specific goals for change.

Seize the opportunity to strengthen positive education!

Let's make a change! We can shift our focus from our children's challenges to their amazing potential. Instead of dwelling on not completing homework, being called to the teacher's office often, being addicted to games, and not listening to advice, let's recognize the subtle changes and amplify them with positive guidance. For example, "You spent less time playing with your phone today than usual.

We believe in you! For example, the teacher said that you've been doing a great job with your homework. Keep up the good work!

Give your child some time to themselves and encourage them to try to separate tasks!

All our efforts must ultimately be translated into the child's actions. It's so important to let the child understand that parents can only do their best, but they can never do the child's best for the child. We need to work hard on our own, and it's so rewarding! We can also tell the child that problems accumulate over time, so don't panic. Keep working hard, and they will be solved little by little.

In short, no matter how anxious we are, we can be confident that growth happens over time. Let's be patient and enjoy the journey of change together with our children!

Dear host, From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing considerable concern and distress regarding your child's addiction to games and the subsequent neglect of schoolwork.

This is the sentiment that most parents genuinely espouse. I extend my sincerest sympathies to you in your situation. It is evident that every parent possesses a benevolent disposition.

In the past, when online games were not yet a prevalent phenomenon, the social environment was relatively simple, information was not as complex as it is today, and it was more straightforward to educate children. It is uncommon to hear parents and grandparents express difficulties in teaching children.

However, there is little that can be done to address this issue. In the modern age, with the pervasive presence of mobile phones and computers, it is undeniable that a plethora of information will inevitably distract children and impede their ability to focus on their studies.

Some students also invest more energy into gaming because they are academically underperforming and seek a sense of accomplishment.

In addressing the issue of children who are addicted to games, it is first necessary to ascertain the underlying reasons for their preoccupation with gaming. Is it due to a lack of academic proficiency, feelings of frustration, and a reluctance to exert effort? Or is it a means of seeking a sense of accomplishment and escape from reality? Additionally, it is essential to identify the specific game that holds such a powerful allure for the child.

What, then, is the appeal of games that children cannot get enough of? It is important to identify opportunities to gain insight into the genuine inner needs of children.

As parents, it is possible to communicate with children in a manner that is friendly and avoids condescending tones, such as preaching, persuading, and criticizing. It should be noted that in an academic setting, teachers have already conveyed sufficient guidance, and the outcomes are not readily apparent.

As an alternative, it would be advisable to adopt a more tactful approach and take a fresh look at your child.

Furthermore, it is recommended to provide more praise and affirmation for the child's positive attributes and achievements.

It is essential to gain a nuanced understanding of the child's motivations behind engaging in games. This enables the child to discern that the parent is attuned to their needs and cognizant of their thoughts.

Subsequently, it is essential to communicate one's ideas about learning in an honest and transparent manner.

It is this author's sincere hope that the original poster will soon be able to extricate himself from his current state of distress.

Hello!

I can see that you are anxious and worried about your son's studies.

My son is 14 years old and going through adolescence, which is a time of rebellion. When we notice that something is wrong with our child, it is usually the result of a long period of gradual change. You are not living with him, so you are not able to exert any influence on his studies or his life.

It's clear that getting your child to change is a challenge. It's time to think differently and make some changes.

First of all, you say that your child is stubborn and throws tantrums, but I see that your child has his own ideas. He uses his stubbornness and tantrums to tell his parents, "I've grown up now, and I can rebel against what you say. You may both be doing what's best for me, but I still want to explore the world my own way. Maybe my way isn't always right, but I'm willing to try."

As parents, you must be willing to shut up, be less preachy, and let your child explore and grow. It may cost a little, but your child will grow up quickly.

Second, we assert that the parent-child relationship is more important than parenting. Children still need parental education and guidance at the age of 14.

Take a look at your current relationship with your child on a scale of 1 to 10 and rate it. If the relationship between you and your child is not very good, your child will not be willing to listen to you.

When your child has problems with their studies, don't immediately talk about studies. Repair your relationship with your child first. What can you do to make your relationship with your child better?

Take a moment to think about how long it's been since you've spent quality time with your child. Do you know what your child's interests are outside of playing games?

If not, you should be willing to spend time and energy with your child to establish a hobby together.

My child does not want his teacher to make his parents go to school for education. He must be feeling fear, panic, and self-doubt. This is often the case with children. They give up and say, "This is how I am, so what can you do about it?"

We must show the teacher our determination to educate our child. We must also let the child know that no matter how the teacher tries to educate me, I still believe that my son is great. We must give my son a chance to start over.

I am confident that the above will give you some new ideas to think about!

It is not uncommon for children to enjoy gaming. When this occurs, parents should consider whether they frequently engage with their mobile phones in the presence of their children. Parents' preoccupation with mobile phones and the potential for becoming phone addicts can subtly influence their children's Internet addiction.

If a child is addicted to games, how can parents treat the symptoms and the root cause? We will now hear from a professor at Beijing Normal University.

1. Gain an understanding of the reasons behind your child's addiction to games.

What strategies can parents employ to address the symptoms and underlying causes of their children's gaming addiction? This article presents four key recommendations for parents.

It is not uncommon for parents to react negatively to their children's gaming habits, resorting to disciplinary actions such as scolding or even physical punishment. This approach, however, has been shown to be ineffective in curbing the children's interest in gaming and may even lead to increased rebelliousness. In an effort to cope with their emotions, many children turn to the internet, further exacerbating the problem.

It is important to note that if a child displays signs of addiction to gaming, the first step is to identify the underlying cause. Research indicates that the majority of children who become addicted to gaming are seeking a sense of calm and relaxation in a virtual environment, often as a result of overwhelming pressure in their daily lives.

This is also an effective method for stress relief. It is important to note that stress relief is a necessity for both children and adults. However, adults may utilize alternative methods such as sports, travel, or card games to achieve this.

What about children?

Games can relieve stress and also have a certain degree of playfulness, which is why curious and playful children are mostly hooked on games. If parents can ascertain whether their children consider gaming as a stress-relief strategy and identify the underlying causes of their stress, this can also be an effective method for helping children manage stress. It is also beneficial to discuss alternative stress-relief strategies with children to ensure they have a range of options for coping with stress.

2. Schedule time for recreational gaming.

How can the symptoms and root causes of your child's addiction to games be treated? This article presents four tips for parents.

It is recommended that parents agree with their children on a specific time for playing games and adhere to it consistently. Parents can engage in discussions with their children regarding the time that can be allocated for gaming activities.

In terms of establishing a time limit for gaming, a more optimal approach would be to set a limit of three times a week for one hour, as opposed to a daily limit of half an hour. Allowing a child to play games for half an hour daily would likely prove ineffective in modifying their gaming habit.

Furthermore, parents may utilize the time for gaming as a reward for completed homework and exemplary academic performance. This cultivates the child's capacity to effectively manage their time.

Research indicates that training in time management can effectively address children's addiction issues. This training encompasses four key components: experiencing time, counting time, developing time management plans, and enhancing time management efficiency.

The specific methods are outlined below.

The objective is to provide experience with time.

It is recommended that children experience the length of one minute, five minutes, and ten minutes, respectively, and the activities they can engage in during these periods, in order to enhance their perception of time.

Time counting

It is recommended that children be encouraged to count the time spent online in order to enhance their perception of time spent online.

It is important to learn how to write a plan.

It is recommended that the child be permitted to create a daily schedule, with specific allowances for video game time. This should be monitored to encourage the child to utilize time in accordance with the schedule.

3. Provide guidance to your child on how to use the internet correctly.

How can parents address both the symptoms and root causes of their child's addiction to games? This article presents four strategies for parents.

Parents should endeavor to accompany their children online, thereby demonstrating that the virtual realm is replete with opportunities for engagement beyond mere gaming. After completing their homework, for instance, children can engage in online chats with friends, listen to music, and view videos.

It is also worth noting that the internet offers a wealth of useful information, and children should be taught to make use of the resources available to them. Before allowing children to use the internet for the first time, parents should carefully explain to them some of the skills and methods for using a computer or mobile phone and going online.

As an example, instruct your child to create a dedicated folder on their computer or mobile device to store their documents and specify the websites they utilize for information.

If parents believe it is necessary, they can adjust the settings on the child's computer or mobile phone or install filtering or management software. It is important to explain to the child before making any changes to avoid any negative reactions when they discover what has been done.

4. Identify a new source of nourishment for the child.

What measures can be taken to address the symptoms and underlying causes of a child's addiction to games? This article presents four strategies for parents.

Children have a great deal of energy and require a fulfilling spiritual life and entertainment. However, in many families nowadays, adults are occupied with work and lack the time to take the children out to play. Many children feel that they have no activities to pursue in their spare time, which can lead to an unhealthy obsession with games. To avoid this, parents must identify alternative hobbies to engage their children. Therefore, parents should pay attention to their children's interests and create opportunities and conditions for them to develop their interests and enjoy the benefits.

For instance, if your child has an aptitude for drawing, enroll them in an art class and procure them a suitable set of drawing materials. When children have their own interests, they naturally spend less time playing games.

The objective is to encourage children to play with their peers more often and to facilitate the formation of positive relationships with suitable companions.

The school years are a time when children enjoy socializing with their peers. Parents can facilitate this by encouraging their children to spend more time with friends, thereby reducing the time spent on computer and video games while fostering social interaction.

Have you ever considered the following question?

What motivates children to engage with games?

Why is there a preference for gaming over studying?

It would be beneficial for parents to devote more attention to their children's interests.

To create opportunities and conditions

To facilitate the development of their interests.

We hope you will enjoy this experience.

It's no secret that educating children can be a bit of a challenge. Some kids will face difficulties at school, get into disagreements with others, and worry their educators. Others may find learning less appealing, dislike going to class, and avoid homework.

You can see how things are going with your little one. It seems like not doing homework has become a bit of a habit. We can look at this from a few different angles. It's possible that, deep down, he doesn't see learning as his own responsibility.

♠Children's learning problems Now that my sweet son is fourteen

♠He doesn't live with you, but with his lovely grandmother.

♠He is always distracted and doesn't do his homework, bless him!

Let's study!

Oh, that headache!

It's totally normal for kids to lose interest in school sometimes. It just means they don't see the point in learning, which is totally fine! After all, learning is their own business.

It's so important for students to understand why they're learning what they're learning.

Every child is special and has their own unique personality and way of seeing things.

Elders and educators are there to guide and talk with you.

Good, experienced parents and teachers may try to communicate with their children and talk about how they are doing. For example, you could ask your child why he spends all day playing with his phone. Is he spending a bit too much time on it? It's worth noting that being addicted to games is actually quite time-consuming.

It's totally normal to feel worried and anxious when your child is in their third year of junior high school. It's a big step and there's a lot to think about. When adults show a lot of anxiety, it can cause a lot of discomfort, so it's important to try to stay calm.

It's tough for kids to hear criticism when they're going through puberty. They might start to feel more rebellious and resentful, and even want to go against the adults in their lives. It's important to remember that adults are just trying to help, but their constant nagging might actually be making things worse.

What is it really like? Maybe he feels aggrieved or overwhelmed. It's like nowadays young people have a lot of Buddhist-like reasons, wanting to give themselves a break or something. Not completing his homework now may also be a kind of rebellion.

It's totally normal to feel worried about how to educate your child. We've all been there! It's also natural for parents to feel anxious. Many things are first-hand experiences. At this time, it's really helpful to calm down, face the matter squarely, and not put too much pressure on yourself or your child. Your child also needs to know that learning is his own business and that he is responsible for himself. You've got this!

ZQ?

Good day. I am Strawberry.

It must be acknowledged that the issue at hand is not merely a matter of concern for the child in question. Based on the information provided, it is evident that the primary focus of the questioner is on the child's academic performance, with minimal consideration given to the child's strengths and potential.

The questioner indicated that his son is 14 years of age, a boy in the adolescent developmental stage. If the educational approach is excessively strict, it may foster a rebellious attitude in the child. Additionally, the child resides with his grandmother, and it is probable that the questioner does not interact with the child frequently.

The rationale behind the lack of academic engagement is the perception that time is being spent on gaming on one's mobile device. It is important to note that adults can also become addicted to their phones. Additionally, adults may not possess the same level of self-discipline as teenagers, which further complicates the issue.

What is the optimal course of action for addressing my child's learning difficulties? I am uncertain about the most effective educational approach to take.

The underlying causes of the child's addiction to mobile games

As adults, we have also been students at one point in our lives. We also seek out new and exciting things and indulge in the feeling. Generally, we require a catalyst to prompt us to engage with new experiences.

As a child raised by my grandmother, I believe I can still contribute to this discussion by sharing my own experiences. Although my grandmother provided me with love and care, it was largely limited to material provisions such as clothing, food, shelter, and transportation. I was largely responsible for my own education, and if I did not study diligently, it was relatively easy for my academic performance to suffer. Additionally, my grandmother did not engage in frequent communication with me, which made it challenging for me to gauge her emotional responses.

The children are addicted to their phones and playing games, but what they really want is a sense of belonging. In reality, they are empty, so they seek that sense of belonging online. Because they are not interested in learning, the teacher only criticizes and blames, which only makes the children more unmotivated to learn. The teacher does not make an effort to understand why the children are not interested in learning and whether they are seriously trying to help the children.

A novel approach to interpersonal relationships

Subsequently, how did the questioner address the relationship with his child in light of the school's educational expectations? The child still resides with his grandmother, where he is occasionally reprimanded for not studying diligently and warned about the potential future consequences. If this is indeed the case, it can be reasonably inferred that the child did not heed the advice or guidance provided by the questioner during the educational process.

It is possible that the questioner is being forced to live apart from their child, and that they are unable to provide the necessary support and guidance. It is well documented that children who do not grow up with their parents are more likely to experience a range of difficulties. Additionally, it can be challenging to address negative behaviours and habits in a timely manner when they are not identified early on.

In the current era, children are entering adolescence. It is possible to foster positive character traits in one's child by providing unwavering support and guidance during this developmental period. However, it may become increasingly challenging to maintain a healthy parent-child relationship. Persistent and excessive criticism is an ineffective approach that can lead to deterioration in the relationship. Instead, it is essential to listen attentively to your child's desires and needs, recognize the shortcomings in the previous mode of communication, and make necessary adjustments. Spending quality time with your child is crucial for fostering a positive relationship.

One must consider whether the motivation behind this decision is for the benefit of the child or for the parent's own gratification.

The questioner is concerned that if the child persists in this manner, he may even be at risk of failing to gain admission to high school. In all candor, based on his current situation, it is not implausible to anticipate what will transpire in the next phase of his studies. The child is disinclined to study because he has already fallen behind in his previous knowledge. It is only through communication that he can come to understand that if he does not apply himself diligently now, he will have to pay a price for it in the future.

Should the child demonstrate a willingness to collaborate with parents and educators to implement changes, there remains an opportunity for improvement. It is important to recognize that the lack of motivation to learn has been a persistent issue over an extended period, which will undoubtedly present challenges in navigating this transition.

From the questioner's statements, it can be inferred that the questioner believes it is inadvisable for the child to take the high school entrance exam. However, it is unclear whether the questioner would support the child's decision to forgo the exam if he or she expressed a desire to do so.

Or do you maintain that he should attend high school, despite his lack of interest in learning?

It is often asserted that knowledge is power. Increased literacy affords individuals a greater range of future options. However, if an individual is unwilling to engage in learning, regardless of the quality of the learning environment, they will be unable to fully realise their potential. Parents' expectations can also exert a negative influence on their children.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to the questioner.

Hello, I have read everyone's replies and I can say with confidence that they are all very pertinent and wonderful. I would also like to add my two cents, in the hope of giving you a different perspective.

I am sure that everyone can empathize with your feelings, so I will not repeat them. However, there are a few things in your description that I am confused about.

Your son is 14 years old. You must understand the physical and psychological characteristics of adolescent boys and know how to communicate and get along with children of this age.

If you're not up to speed on this, you need to catch up on your studies and learn some knowledge.

He doesn't live with you at your mother's house. How long has that been? How much time do you usually spend with him each week or month?

Tell me about your relationship with your child.

Your son's homework is not completed, and you are informed by the teacher that the joint punishment is too severe. Perhaps the teacher has also used his most effective approach. Is learning a problem for your son, or has it become a problem for you?

If your son were here right now, he'd tell you he has no interest in learning through playing games. If one day he changed and started to pay attention in class, finish his homework conscientiously, and stop playing games, you'd treat him differently.

I suddenly had a strange thought: there is an advantage to not being interested in studying. It successfully draws your attention to your son, forcing you to care about his education and spend time with him. You and your son may have had many conflicts over studying. He is stubborn and will throw a tantrum if you nag him too much.

Your son is your own, and if you want to wash your hands of him, the school teachers won't let you. There's nowhere to hide. So, not being interested in studying is like an adhesive, firmly binding you to your son and killing each other.

If he studies hard, he will lose you.

I know this may sound like nonsense, but it's true. When it comes to studying, I suggest you try a different approach: stop pushing your child to study and let him arrange his own studies. If you want the parent to sign something, listen to his ideas. Instead of talking about studying, talk to your son about things that interest him, such as his friends, hobbies, and the games he likes to play. There are so many games out there, so why does he like this one the most?

He has his reasons. You need to find out what they are. And you definitely need to learn about the aforementioned knowledge of puberty.

You may say, "My son is about to enter the third year of junior high school, and the Wang family next door is frantically cramming for tests and taking supplementary lessons. You really don't have the mood or patience to argue with your son about these useless things. All else is inferior, only learning is noble."

Then you'll inevitably return to the old path. You and your son will continue to clash, and he'll remain uncooperative, neglect his homework, and be hooked on games. You'll see how you interact with each other. This dynamic may have become a pattern between you, and you'll find it challenging to break out of the endless cycle.

Hello, question asker!

You say:

"My head is killing me! What should I do? I don't know how to educate him anymore!"

You might even fail your high school entrance exam, but that's okay!

You know what? When you express your experience of the situation in the current problem in this way, you actually have a lot of misconceptions about how to help your child. And that's okay! We all have misconceptions about how to help our kids from time to time. The good news is that you can easily start to change those misconceptions into helpful, positive actions.

For example, "My son is 14 years old and doesn't live with me, he lives with his grandmother." You already know that your child doesn't do his homework and spends all day playing on his phone and getting addicted to games. Why not live with him and be there for him to find out what his problem is? It'll be a great opportunity to bond with him!

For example, to help your child, you need to be able to communicate with him and say the right things to get through to him. But the reality is that he is stubborn and throws tantrums! This shows that your relationship with your child is not in a favorable position to help him. So, what can you do? Well, you can start by recognizing that your child needs your help. Then, you can take steps to communicate with him in a way that will help him understand you better.

I'm excited to tell you that I don't see any actions on your part that can help your child get out of this difficult situation. But there is hope! There are reasonable adjustments and responses to your actions that will elicit a response from your child.

Questioner, you're not taking the problem seriously enough! What do you think?

The good news is that there are lots of ways to solve these kinds of problems! Every child is different, so you get to decide what works best for yours. You'll find the right method for you and your child when you pay attention to the situation and how your child responds.

Seeking professional help is the best way forward! It's the perfect opportunity to delve deep and reflect on the actual responses to various methods and the child's actual sense of experience. This is your chance to identify the psychological motives and needs behind it, and to find a path for the child to grow.

Wishing you the very best!

From what you've told me, it seems like you're worried about your child's future and a bit confused about their education. I don't know what to do with him. If I say too much, he'll throw a tantrum; if I don't say anything, you'll be anxious, the teacher will find fault with you, and you'll be troubled when you go to the school. You're also worried about what to do with him in the future and whether he can get into high school.

I think it's important to understand yourself better. Your worries about your child's future may be due to your own anxieties. If your child fails to get into high school, there will be very real problems. You may have to bear a lot of financial pressure and face a lot of criticism or moral pressure. People may say, "It's your fault for not fulfilling your parental responsibilities."

I don't know the details of your family situation or your relationship with your husband. Why does your child live with your mother and not with you?

I get the feeling that your relationship with your child is a bit distant. It seems like you're more focused on your child's studies, but in doing so, you might be giving your child the impression that he's not as important as his studies.

So he'll refuse to listen to you, and you'll have a hard time striking a balance and figuring out how to educate him.

We believe that the most important thing when it comes to educating a child is to establish a good relationship. Only when there's a good relationship can there be a good education. It's also important to pay more attention to the child's psychological needs and ask them what kind of psychological needs they want to get through playing mobile games.

It's important to understand what your child wants. Do they want company, a sense of achievement and satisfaction, or do they want to escape from reality because the learning goals are too big to achieve? These are all things you need to discuss with your child. Ask them if there is anything you can do to help.

If you're struggling to cope, you can also find a counselor to help.

It's only when you're feeling relaxed and less anxious that you can accept there are more possibilities for your child's future.

Best of luck!

Hello, host!

I'm Amy, a youth psychologist.

This is a very common situation nowadays. When they encounter difficulties in their studies, they don't know how to overcome them, so they find satisfaction and achievement in games.

Lecturing a child going through puberty is pointless.

As you correctly stated, it is pointless to say too little and it will make them angry if you say too much. This is a typical trait of children at this age.

You can enhance your child's sense of competence.

A child's sense of competence is defined by their belief that they are valuable and contribute to the family. They see themselves as an important person in the family and are capable of taking on many responsibilities outside of their studies.

If we only let our children study, they will completely fall into a state of low self-esteem, find no value in life, and naturally turn to games when they encounter difficulties in their studies that they cannot solve.

[Self-identity in adolescence]

The most important task for adolescents is to develop a sense of self-identity.

Children's self-identity is shaped by the feedback they receive from those around them.

Intergenerational parenting spoils children. There is no way to make a child see the advantages and disadvantages in themselves.

Children frequently lack an understanding of their identity and the direction of their future.

When he encounters difficulties in his studies, he will withdraw even more. The easiest way to withdraw is to enter the world of games.

[About learning]

Children are having difficulty with their studies now, and parents must learn to observe and understand how their children's difficulties have arisen.

If you don't know how your child's current difficulties have arisen, you can't help them.

If you force your child to study when they avoid it, you're just creating a vicious cycle because you haven't found the real reason.

The reasons for children disliking school and being addicted to games vary from family to family. Improvements must be targeted at the causes.

Research has identified four types of adolescents who are particularly susceptible to game addiction. These include those from economically disadvantaged backgrounds, those who receive intergenerational education, those with poor family relationships and minimal parent-child interaction, and those whose parents do not set clear boundaries regarding their children's gaming habits.

[The parent-child relationship is the most important thing.]

A good parent-child relationship is built on trust, open communication, and the ability to tackle challenges together without fear of humiliation or reprimand.

A good relationship is essential for talking about influence and education.

You don't live together, so it's more challenging to manage the parent-child relationship.

You must enter your child's inner world and get to know him. This is the first step. There is a lot of work to be done in this area. Just like when we were young and in love, you must build a trusting relationship. This means less supervision, less scolding, and more emotional interaction.

He needs to know that you are there for him in his joys and sorrows, and that you will help him with his learning difficulties and interpersonal dilemmas.

If you're not close to your child, you can't help them.

My name is Amy, and I wish you and your child the best.

It's great to see that you're invested in your child's well-being and want to see positive changes!

Can you tell me when your child started to lose interest in learning and became hooked on games? How would you describe the relationship between you and your child?

Your child is 14 years old, which is just the beginning of puberty. At this time, many factors can cause children to have a rebellious attitude, such as hormonal surges that cause emotional instability, changes in physical appearance, relationships with classmates and teachers, and grades. It's important to try to understand his behavior!

First, you need to address your child's emotional issues and try to communicate with him. Only then can you talk about learning and change! Try to talk to him about something that interests him. Does he like playing with his phone?

Ask him what he likes to play and where he thinks it is most fun! Get to know him better and find out what he needs.

There are two main reasons why people are addicted to their mobile phones: social needs and the need for high self-esteem.

If a child doesn't get enough attention at home and has no friends in real life, they'll probably become addicted to the virtual world because it's a safe place to show off. All parents can do is understand what they want and then help them get out of it.

On top of that, if your child is having trouble learning, it's important to help them find ways to learn and overcome those difficulties.

It takes more than a day to freeze three feet of ground. If you want your child to change, try changing the way you communicate with him. I'm sure he'll appreciate your good intentions!

Hello, it seems that you may be facing some challenges in your family education situation.

First of all, there is a challenge with intergenerational education. Many elderly people may unintentionally spoil their grandchildren because they are closer to them. Additionally, due to the varying levels of cultural understanding and modern education among that generation, they may inadvertently lecture their grandchildren about education.

It is often the case that elderly people are better placed to assist with children's food, drink and safety, but they may lack the necessary skills to help with schoolwork.

Secondly, middle school children are in a period of rapid growth and change, often accompanied by a sense of independence and a desire for peer support and appreciation. During this time, they may also be experiencing a shift in their relationship with adults, with their peers becoming an increasingly influential source of guidance.

If parents are unable to be present to provide support, the influence may be even more limited.

It is often the case that children play games for reasons such as loneliness, a lack of recognition, and boredom. If the underlying reasons are not addressed, it can be challenging for children to shift their focus from games to other activities that parents may have in mind.

With regard to the issue of not studying hard and doing homework, it may be the case that the child lacks the motivation to learn, and that his learning is still at a basic level. If he doesn't study for himself, it's possible that he may find it challenging to keep up.

It is also possible that the child is encountering learning difficulties or other difficulties. While the existing conditions cannot solve his difficulties, it is understandable that he may be afraid of the difficulties, which could lead to him giving up.

It would be beneficial for parents to find out about their child's performance at school through the school, and about their child's performance at home through the grandparents. If there is an opportunity, it might be helpful to get to know the child through his classmates. After comprehensively understanding the child through the above channels, it could be constructive to talk to the child again to find out what problems he is encountering. It might be helpful to stand by the child's side and solve the difficulties encountered together. If possible, it might be beneficial to keep the child close by, and if not, it might be helpful to set aside regular time to communicate with the child.

It would be very helpful for the child to be able to trust you if he or she is to tell you their true feelings. Otherwise, it may not be as effective.

I hope this is helpful to you.

Hello. I am Xiang Er, and I am honored to have received your invitation.

It is clear that children's learning is a concern for every family. However, in today's technologically advanced world, becoming addicted to mobile phones is a significant obstacle to children's learning. Unfortunately, most parents or guardians focus on their children's learning status, but they often neglect their children's psychological and emotional needs.

Seeking help on a psychological platform shows you are aware of psychological issues, which is encouraging.

From your text, it's clear you're only concerned about your child's studies and see many shortcomings in him. You're even more concerned that your child's learning situation has caused the school to require you to receive education, which makes you feel very ashamed.

I'm going to ask you directly: have you ever considered the reason why your child has become like this?

Many people see the "addiction to the phone" as the cause of their child's declining grades, but they fail to recognize it as the result. What caused your son's current situation? Xiang Er has some opinions.

1️⃣ Intergenerational communication

The son lives with his grandmother, and it's clear that they don't get along. If you follow today's intergenerational model, you either spoil and indulge or ignore or scold, but it is not easy to bridge the intergenerational gap. Coupled with the fact that the two generations have different views, it is not easy to get on the same page. Therefore, the phone has become the tool for the son to communicate with the outside world.

2. Parent-child relationship

Your son doesn't live with you, so I'm not sure how you usually maintain your relationship with him. Do you nag your son as much as you say you do? From what you've told me, it's clear that you don't have high hopes for your son's abilities. You've already decided that he'll probably fail the college entrance exam, even though it's not yet time for the exam. Your son doesn't feel recognized or loved in your relationship, so he's turning to the online world for recognition and love.

3. Education system

The current education system is still focused on rigidly instilling knowledge-based education and exam-oriented education ignores the cultivation and pursuit of various interests of adolescents. As a result, schools use scores as a mark to evaluate students. Once students do poorly, they are criticized or disdained by schools and parents, causing children to often experience frustration in their studies. Over time, they become easily averse to learning, don't want to study, don't want to do homework, and even don't want to go to school. The online world is the only place where my son can vent his stress and escape from problems.

4️⃣ Understand adolescence.

Adolescents are characterized by a sense of adulthood. They want to be treated like adults and do not want to be overly cared for or interfered with by their parents or other elders. If you say too much, they will become stubborn and throw tantrums. Adolescents also feel a sense of mystery about sex because of the lag in sex education in China. Some children will seek information online to learn more about sex.

5️⃣ The online world shapes a virtual self.

My son is often criticized in real life, which makes him feel insecure. In the world of games, however, he can create an idealized self and get everything he cannot get in reality, which gives him a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

I'm going to tell you how to improve the situation. Here are some tips from Xiang Er.

1️⃣ Enhance parent-child relationships.

You and your son don't live together, so you need to make the most of the time you do have together. If you only focus on your child's studies, your child will feel less loved. Children at this age want to be treated like adults, to be respected and understood, and to interact with their parents as equals. They long for others to treat them with the same openness as they treat themselves.

It is crucial to pay closer attention to your child's emotional well-being and gain a deeper understanding of their feelings. By fostering a harmonious family environment, you can positively influence your child to limit their mobile phone usage and develop a stronger, more resilient personality.

2. Instill the harm of excessive mobile phone use.

Once family relationships are resolved, you can begin to educate your child about the dangers of excessive mobile phone use. This includes the potential for damage to eyesight, the lumbar spine, cervical spine, brain, development, and interpersonal relationships.

3️⃣ Rebuild self-confidence.

Encourage your child more. Don't just criticize.

Recognize your child's efforts, not just their grades.

It is essential to discover and cultivate the child's interests.

4. Puberty sex knowledge

It must be provided in a way that is consistent with their cognitive level and incorporates a humanistic and scientific approach.

5️⃣ Get academic help.

Get one-on-one tutoring or a private tutor for your son to help him catch up.

Seek assistance from a professional organization.

If your son's addiction to mobile phones is serious and there is no sign of improvement, you must seek help from a professional organization.

Parents must educate their children throughout their lives. I am confident that my views and suggestions will inspire you.

Hello, questioner!

From the questions you have asked, it is clear that you are eager to learn more about your child's education. It's natural to feel a little helpless at times, but there are so many ways you can get involved and support your child's learning journey!

Your child is now in adolescence, which is an amazing time of growth and discovery! Kids at this age are naturally curious about many things, and their psychological development is also rapid. At the same time, they may experience some feelings of inferiority, rebellion, and dislike of school, which is all perfectly normal and totally normal.

From your description, it seems that you and your child do not live together, which does pose some hidden dangers. But don't worry! The grandmother is a generation removed, and at best can only act as a caregiver, which makes it difficult to meet the child's psychological needs.

Because you don't live with your child, you have the opportunity to notice some of the child's psychological changes in time, let alone understand and help them in time. So now we just see that the child "is always unmotivated in their studies, doesn't do their homework, plays with their phone all day and is addicted to games, and is stubborn and throws tantrums when you say anything. You don't see the reasons behind this phenomenon, and I don't think the child suddenly became like this. That means there's a chance to make a change!

I'd love to know if you have any good friends of your child. And what sports does he like?

Or why is he so stubborn and throws tantrums? Having said that, I'm sure you know where the problem lies, don't you?

Be sure to communicate and interact with your child more, understand his inner needs, try to be friends with him, believe in him, and trust him. I'm sure your worries and anxieties will slowly change for the better!

It is said that all children's problems are the parents' problems. And it's true! We are all first-time parents, with insufficient personal experience, and it is inevitable that there will be more or less a lack of educational experience. But that's OK! We just need to keep learning and growing ourselves, so that when there are minor incidents in the process of our children's growth, we will not be overwhelmed with anxiety and at a loss.

Questioner, don't be too anxious! The problems you are facing are the same as most parents face when their children reach adolescence. Relax. Believe in yourself. You know what to do. You've got this! Good luck!

The world and I love you so much!