No matter how hard I tried from a young age to adulthood, this situation remains the same. How can I break free from it?

Hello, question asker! I'm Silver Fox, your answer provider.

From your writing, I can tell you're feeling a lot of pressure, like you're not in control, and a little insecure. I can see your dedication and hard work, and I can see your resistance.

From your writing, I can tell you're feeling a lot of strong emotions, as well as a deep love. Regarding the question you've raised, I think we can start by sorting it out a bit, and I'll also share some of my thoughts in the hope of providing you with some different perspectives.

Let's start by looking at what you're worried about.

Let's start by looking at what you're worried about.

It's clear you have a lot of resistance and unease towards what your parents give you. I've also listed some of the sources of worry and unease. Let's sort them out item by item, and we'll see if that helps.

1. I've always been expected to study, and I've worked hard, but the results haven't been great.

2. You're constantly on the defensive, often getting hit and ignored.

3. Hate the situation you're in.

4. I'm really struggling.

What's the story here?

It seems like there's a hidden message behind every event and every emotion. Maybe there are feelings we've been avoiding, but they're important. Let's look at what's really going on behind the scenes, based on the situation we just described.

I've always been expected to study, and I've tried my best, but the results haven't been great. In this context, we'd say that we've been forced to study and that we've tried our best.

From what we can see, it's tough to succeed, and we might even get the questions wrong for reasons within ourselves. Maybe we should think about how they treated themselves.

How did their elders treat them? What's the point of our high standards?

We're constantly on the defensive, facing a barrage of obstacles. It's as if there's an invisible force field impeding our growth and progress, with countless barriers waiting to be overcome.

At the same time, we also have to put up with the criticism and indifference of our parents, which makes it difficult for us to feel the warmth and support from our family. Such a situation may be seen as motivation by the parents, but it is a heavy burden for us.

The college entrance exam is said to depend solely on one's own efforts, and it's even mentioned that parents "subconsciously don't want us to succeed." Have parents always hindered our learning and progress? Are parents a hindrance or a driving force for us to learn?

3. Hate the current situation. We see that in our daily lives, the blows and indifference we receive from our parents make it impossible for us to find enough support. Of course, we'll naturally feel a strong resistance in these circumstances.

You said that both parents have a low level of education, which seems to be a result of being bound by the original family. This is probably related to their level of consciousness, and it might not be something we can change. Or maybe we shouldn't blame everything on subconscious manipulation and being bound by the original family.

4. Despair. It looks like you're in a tough spot right now. I think before university, we were working hard and putting in a lot of effort, but now it seems like we don't have any new goals to strive for.

This contrast, along with our understanding of subconscious manipulation and the bond with our family of origin, can disrupt the original balance within us, which can then trigger many imbalanced states.

So, what can we do about it?

First, I hope you can find some time to have a "chat" with yourself. If possible, I think it's best to give yourself a private space and a safe environment.

Take a look at how we see ourselves and our situation. It might be helpful to have a serious chat with ourselves about how things happened and what caused them. What efforts have we made?

What do we want the situation to look like in the future? What result are we trying to achieve?

Next, we'll look at what we can do. There might be a few ways we can achieve the goal of stepping out and making it easier.

1. Remove all the negative labels that parents have given themselves.

From what you've shared, it seems like your parents have a lot of criticism and disregard for you, and they're constantly attacking you. When you're under constant attack, it's only natural to doubt yourself.

If you're constantly under attack like this, it's easy to identify with these negative views and give up on the possibility of improvement. So, we need to take the initiative to tear off these negative labels and set some positive goals for ourselves.

2. Accept and understand their actions.

I truly believe that every parent loves their children. It's just that they might not know how to show it. They might not be the best at some things, like understanding our feelings and meeting our needs. This can make us feel like we want to rebel.

It's normal to feel cold and even a little hatred towards our parents' attitude. We may not be able to convince our parents or change them so that they can understand us.

But the most important thing is to live for yourself and take responsibility for yourself. If we choose to see our parents' words and deeds as a form of provocation (rather than genuine indifference), and turn resistance into motivation, we may feel and achieve better results.

I know this isn't easy for you right now, but I believe that adversity can be the best teacher.

3. Get your priorities straight and you might find life becomes a bit easier.

We may also want to prove ourselves to others. Since parents want us to do well, we'll do our best. In life, everyone wants to feel valued and cared for by their parents.

But the truth is, this is often not possible, as parents always feel that their children are not good enough and are inferior to others. So, what can we do?

It's important to focus on your own strengths and achievements.

It's a good idea to spend time with people who are confident.

Keep a sense of pride.

Know your strengths and weaknesses and learn to play to your strengths.

Set yourself some achievable goals.

4. Fixing the family order might make life a bit easier.

Everyone has their own life, and no one can be responsible for anyone else. We can only be truly responsible for our own lives, and others are responsible for their own happiness and sadness.

All we can do is do our best, be content, and go with the flow. When we've drawn that line in the sand, even if our parents don't change much, we'll feel like we can walk more lightly on our own.

Maybe we can make life as carefree as chasing butterflies by unloading the heavy burden on our hearts and getting rid of that distorted sense of mission!

5. If you need help, there are professionals who can help you.

If you're facing problems with your family, you can also seek professional psychological counseling. A professional and systematic approach can help you find a way to reconcile with your family and yourself more quickly.

P.S. 1psych.com also regularly puts on free counseling events to help people work through their emotions and stress.

When faced with challenges at home and at school, some people choose to complain, some choose to fight, and some choose to find a better way to get along. Here, you'll find lots of enthusiastic and lovely people who are ready to support you through the tough times. Plus, there are also many professional listeners and counselors who can offer professional guidance.

After this series of explorations, you may have found the answers you were looking for!

I hope these insights can help you get through this tough time.

I hope these insights can help you get through this tough time.

I hope all goes well for you and that you continue to improve.

I love the world, and I hope you love it too!

Hello there! I totally get where you're coming from.

It's totally normal to feel a bit lost and unmotivated when you first start university, especially if it's a more traditional university.

It's so sad that the way we educate our young people doesn't allow them to understand the true meaning of learning. So many people think that going to college is the be-all and end-all, but it's not! Once you've achieved that goal, you're expected to drop out of college and get a job. So many young people feel lost after college because they don't know what to do next.

Next, I'd like to chat with you about your family of origin. There's no doubt that our family of origin has an impact on us.

But here's the thing: the influence of the original family is far less significant than most people think. In the real world, there is no such thing as a perfect original family.

We all know that there are problems of one kind or another. For example, war, epidemics, poverty, and disease. These factors were experienced by almost every family decades ago. But we can also see that there are too many outstanding people in any era, and many of them come from ordinary families.

So don't worry, your family will not hold you back. Unless you don't want to get better, of course!

And finally, the parents' imperfect concept of education comes more from the family environment they grew up in and the level of education they received. It's not that they didn't want to educate you properly and give you the right guidance, but they just couldn't.

But you can let this so-called bad stuff stay with you!

You can give your children a better family environment. It's so important to remember that people are influenced by their perceptions, and that these can be changed.

The wonderful thing about learning is that it gives us the chance to upgrade our thinking all the time.

OK, hello, thanks for your question. I learn in silence.

You clearly know some psychology and have read some psychology articles. It is indisputable that we are all influenced by our family of origin.

Your parents' level of education and social status will impact you. It's important to know that you can transcend your original family and become a better person as long as you maintain good family relationships.

It is very difficult to move up a level or a class. However, it is not completely impossible.

First, you must reconcile with your family. You must thank your parents for their sacrifices.

It is essential to maintain a positive and constructive relationship with your parents. This will greatly benefit your personal growth.

Parents may criticize and accuse, but that is determined by their level of understanding.

They believe what they've done is best, but for those of us who have gone to school, it may not be. We may not be able to accept it.

At the same time, we must be grateful to our parents. The bond of parenthood must be maintained.

There is no way to sever it. We must reconcile and thank our parents for their sacrifices and for being our parents.

They may slowly improve or realize where they need to make changes. We can influence our parents by expressing gratitude and sharing our emotions, feelings, and thoughts.

Let me be clear: it is difficult to change a person, and we do not have the right or the ability to change anyone. What we can do is influence others with our actions and thoughts.

People can influence each other. We can only influence our parents if we first express acceptance towards them.

Then express your gratitude to them.

You say you study hard, but your grades are in the middle to upper range. You also feel frustrated, pressured, and anxious about keeping up with the next level.

You will succeed as long as you keep working hard. Hard work is a very good quality. It shows that you are down-to-earth, diligent, and stable.

You have all of these good qualities. If you keep up the good work, you will achieve great things.

There's no doubt about it: hard work is even more valuable than being smart.

You need to find a learning style and method that suits you best.

Or you'll find learning easier. Think about what you're good at learning.

Learn what you're good at and you'll feel happier, more relaxed, and more at ease. If you're not learning in the right way or not interested in the content, you'll feel tired.

Do what you like and you won't feel tired. You'll feel relaxed and happy. When choosing a major in college, you must know what kind of work you like and what you like to do. Choose a corresponding major.

This will be more beneficial for your development.

First, choose a good direction. That is, a direction you like and are good at.

You can use it to make a living or achieve results. Second, you have to work hard.

Perseverance is key. You can also master certain methods and techniques.

You can absolutely get twice the result with half the effort. What suits you is the best.

You must know that hard work pays off. Keep producing and keep working hard.

You will find your own direction. Persevere.

You will achieve your goals.

You've got this. I know you'll succeed in your studies, reconcile with your parents, and have a happy family.

Hello. I'm reciting the words.

Let's start with the original words of the questioner. We'll discuss each step in turn, and then I'll give you the key to the problem. I'll also suggest some new ideas and approaches, and provide some examples.

After reading the original poster's words, I feel compelled to express my sympathy for her. Let's give her a big hug!

These bullying incidents were not because we were stupid, but because they were bullying others. I can see the injustice in the questioner's heart. I don't know how old the questioner is now, but we can certainly try to heal ourselves.

First, I decided to sort out those emotions from so many incidents.

My classmates were taking erasers without returning them, which made me afraid.

I gave it my all to challenge my classmate, but I got beaten up instead. I was wronged.

In junior high school, I was the only one from the countryside, and I felt inferior.

Bullied by classmates. I was sad and even depressed.

? Now that we've identified the emotions behind these events, we can take action:

We must ask ourselves: why do we have these emotions?

Ellis's ABC theory of emotions is a useful framework for understanding the role of beliefs in emotional and behavioral responses to events. The theory posits that an activating event (A) is an indirect cause of emotional and behavioral consequences (C), while the direct cause of C is the belief (B) formed by the individual's perception and evaluation of the activating event (A).

Our perception of an event affects our emotions and the outcome. If your classmate doesn't return the eraser you lent them, you may get angry and think, "How could you do that, not returning something you borrowed?" but it doesn't necessarily generate fear. Examine those things and understand those trivial matters, which will make you feel more at peace.

From the moment he entered third grade, I was unhappy. I was completely inactive until fifth grade, when I mustered the courage to challenge him. I deliberately stepped on his shoes from behind twice and finally got punched in the eye. I wanted to fight back, but the teacher came and I couldn't see him because I really felt like I was blind!

Treat people according to their disposition and overcome hardness with softness.

If the person sitting next to you is used to solving problems with violence, you definitely can't go hard on them. And as you can see from the challenge, the questioner is still very courageous.

However, this challenge may require a little finesse. Provoking the other person will only hurt yourself in the end, and the loss will outweigh the gain. Interpersonal interactions require constant learning; no one is born knowing how to make friends.

Read the book Psychology of Interpersonal Relations.

List your strengths and find inner confidence.

You have many strengths. From the few examples you have given, I can see that you have a high degree of patience, courage, and the ability to laugh at yourself. You are also highly aware of your own feelings. In addition to your character strengths, you can also identify your strengths in terms of your studies, interests, and personal abilities.

Write down all these strengths. After you've finished, tell yourself: You're amazing! Use these strengths to fight against that inferiority complex.

And let me be clear: a hero doesn't need to come from a famous family. Being from the countryside shows that we work hard and strive to improve ourselves! Build up your confidence slowly and run forward!

Ask for help.

Depressive emotions often attack inwardly. When we feel unhappy or bullied, we must look outside for help.

For example, you can ask your question right now. You can also talk to your teachers or parents, tell them about your feelings of being wronged, and listen to what they have to say about how to handle these interpersonal relationships.

We can ask for help. We have the right to ask for help. We don't have to bear all the emotions. Try it.

I am confident that the above sharing will be helpful to the questioner, and I wish you well.

Good day, landlord. I hope my answer can be of some assistance to you.

After reading the landlord's description carefully, I empathize with your situation. Do you feel like you will always be trapped in this situation, unable to break free? I can sense that you really want to break free, but don't know how.

I believe that being able to come here for help is a very good approach.

If I may, I would like to share my thoughts.

1. It's worth noting that our thoughts are not eternal. We have the opportunity to establish new beliefs and ways of thinking.

Perhaps you've noticed that you have a belief that if you surpass your parents, you will be considered to have betrayed them. This may be why you have repeatedly failed and now have little motivation to study. It's helpful to recognize this negative belief and understand how it has led to your negative behavior.

Perhaps it would be helpful to understand that your thoughts and beliefs can be changed. It seems that such beliefs may not be conducive to your development and growth. Could we consider replacing them with positive beliefs? What positive belief would you like to replace it with?

I believe that beliefs can have a significant influence on our lives, as the Rosenthal effect suggests: our expectations shape our reality. Our desires may not always manifest, but our expectations do.

If you expect something with confidence and truly believe that things will go smoothly, then things will really go smoothly. Conversely, if you believe that things are constantly being hindered, then these obstacles will arise.

We tend to expect ourselves to become what we want to be, and we will continue to work hard in that direction. With time, we may well become that expected self. However, if we always feel that we are not good enough and that we can't do it, we may find ourselves remaining stagnant and making no progress.

It is therefore possible to change your beliefs and come to see that you have the potential to become a good person, and that becoming a good person and surpassing your parents is something to be proud of.

It may be helpful to give yourself this kind of positive mental suggestion until you finally replace the old model with a new one. You may find that everything becomes different, which could be a more enjoyable state of life.

2. It is a natural progression for children to surpass their parents.

It could be said that human society continues to progress and develop because each generation builds on the achievements of the previous one. This may mean that most children will surpass their parents.

And perhaps only by striving to surpass our parents can we better realize our potential and contribute our value to the world and society. It seems likely that parents raise us with such care and nurture us with such dedication because they hope that we will be able to take care of ourselves and realize our own value in the future.

As society develops and parents grow older, it may become increasingly evident that they are facing certain limitations. It is only through our own growth and development that we can become a strong support and protective shield for them in their old age.

I would like to suggest that you work hard and strive for your goals. When you are able to realize your potential and live your life to the fullest, you will be repaying your parents in the best way.

3. It is not always the case that the original family and early experiences will affect us, and we have the opportunity to rewrite our own destiny.

The renowned developmental psychologist Bronfenbrenner was the first to propose the "ecosystem theory." This theory suggests that while the "original family" plays a significant role, it is not the sole determining factor in an individual's development. In addition to the original family, various other systems, such as schools and society, also have an influence.

Furthermore, it is important to recognize that the influence of any one of these subsystems on an individual is not absolute. Similarly, the impact of the family of origin is not irreparable.

There are a number of factors that can influence a person's growth. In addition to the subsystem of the original family, we will also come into contact with other circles such as school, friends, and colleagues during the growth process, and we will also acquire knowledge through various channels. It is also important to recognise our own psychological resilience, which can help us to repair and grow ourselves.

It is possible to move beyond the limitations of one's family of origin. From this point forward, there is the opportunity to develop oneself, to break through these bonds, and to become the person one aspires to be.

I wish you the best of luck and send my warmest regards.

Hello question asker, I'm honored to answer your question.

From your words, I can tell you're feeling helpless and frustrated. I get it. I had the same doubts in high school. I tried so hard and knew the steps, but I still got the answers wrong.

I want to know why I can't improve my test scores. It wasn't until I saw your questions today that I had an epiphany.

We must ask ourselves: where does the fear of success come from?

Those questions that go wrong for no reason are undoubtedly the result of an underlying belief like "I can't succeed." But why do we think like this?

I believe that:

One may come from negative comments from parents such as "you are bad," "you are wrong," "you are not capable," etc. We internalize these negative comments as our own evaluation, and this is why we feel unworthy of success.

Second, we may have seen or experienced scenes of malicious slander or ridicule after success. As long as we are not successful, those negative memories will not be evoked.

There are other possibilities, and no matter which kind of "can't succeed," it is all an irrational belief.

Once you identify the root of these beliefs, you can repair them and make improvements.

For the first possibility, ask yourself, "Is this true?" Don't just listen to what your parents say about you. Ask friends, teachers, and other people around you for their opinions. Get opinions from multiple sources to get a closer look at your true self.

For the second possibility, we can try to succeed and see what happens. If nothing happens, we can still succeed boldly. If something happens, we can tell ourselves that there is nothing wrong with success itself, but that it is the jealousy and ridicule of others that is wrong.

We must ask ourselves: how influential is the influence of the original family?

It is a simple fact that most people are influenced by their family of origin to a greater or lesser extent. Let me be clear: the family of origin is not the family of original sin. The influence of the family of origin on a person is somewhat similar to that of the collective unconscious of the family, which affects our lives unconsciously but everywhere.

Our parents grew up in a certain environment, and we will most likely grow up in a similar one. If we don't notice this copying and pasting, it will be passed on forever.

Fortunately, the questioner has already become aware of this, and discovery is healing. Even if the influence is great, it will become weaker at the same time as it is discovered.

We must ask ourselves what our conscious mind considers to be most important. We must identify the standards we enforce deep within ourselves.

I'd like to know if there are any differences.

Ask yourself this: What voices have often popped up in your head since childhood? And how have they prevented you from being more relaxed and yourself?

After thinking about these questions, you will be able to let go of something.

The above are my personal opinions. I hope the original poster finds inner peace soon.

Have a pleasant weekend. I will be in touch shortly.

It is evident that you are experiencing a high level of confusion and uncertainty about the best course of action.

Furthermore, you have perused various articles pertaining to your circumstances. It is notable that the scenarios depicted in these articles do, in fact, manifest in certain individuals. However, have you observed that these articles also provide justification for your continued lack of success?

You may be inclined to believe that the advice you have encountered online is unassailable.

You are currently facing a challenging situation, and you are directly affected by it. However, you may lack the necessary skills to navigate it effectively. You may even be inclined to attribute your difficulties to factors beyond your control, such as your family of origin or your own subconscious. These challenges may appear insurmountable, leading you to believe that the best course of action is to persistently grapple with them.

This is an illustrative example of an individual who has identified a problem but is unable to accept it. It is analogous to a wound on the body. The individual was previously unaware of the problem and was able to function normally, still striving to improve.

Imagine that you are informed that you have a wound. Upon examination, you discover that it is indeed a wound, and it is quite serious. You then focus more attention on the wound, but you lack the necessary expertise to dress it or operate on it. You can only watch it, and you forget all about the tasks you were supposed to be doing.

Some problems are better left unnoticed, as they allow one to maintain a normal work-life balance. However, when they are noticed, they can significantly impact one's energy levels and ability to function effectively. It is important to recognize that there is nothing inherently wrong with noticing problems. However, it is crucial to address them promptly when they arise.

Once an issue has been identified, it is crucial to address it promptly and effectively.

What is required now is internal healing, which can be likened to an operation. The wound has been opened, and the next step is to remove the necessary tissue and apply a bandage. In short, follow-up action is required.

From your inquiry, it appears that you are attempting to gain understanding independently. At this juncture, it may be beneficial to seek external assistance, such as consulting with a counselor.

With regard to the original family, it would be advisable to accept and understand our parents. They may be unable to provide the level of support you desire, not because they are unwilling to do so, but because they are unaware of the specific type of support you require. They may believe they have provided support in a manner they perceive as optimal.

For example, the old saying goes, "A dutiful son comes from a beating." This saying was possible and useful in the past. However, in the current business environment, we can only say that the times have changed and the old methods no longer work.

However, some individuals are unaware of this information and continue to utilize it as if it were factual.

Another example is that an open mind facilitates progress, whereas pride impedes it. Parents may believe that they cannot allow their children to become proud, and therefore may choose to suppress their children.

The original intention was well-intentioned, but the method is no longer effective.

However, parents may be unaware of this. They believe their methods are appropriate and that they were raised this way.

It is important for children to understand their parents' methods, even if they disagree with them. Children recognize that an individual's background, including their upbringing, influences their perspective. If children do not comprehend their parents' views, it is akin to parents lacking understanding of their children's perspectives.

Both parties are unable to comprehend and empathize with one another's perspectives.

I recommend that you consult with a counselor.

I am a licensed psychological counselor with a multifaceted personality, encompassing both depressive and optimistic tendencies. I am passionate about the world and about you.

Questioner's description:

Since childhood, I have been encouraged by my parents to study.

I know I can do it when it comes to the exam! I just need to work on my mistakes.

Both parents never went to school, which means they have a lot to teach me! They are particularly insecure, rarely praise themselves, only criticize and ignore, and worked hard for the college entrance exam alone.

Parents are unable to play a role at critical times, and neither the parents nor themselves subconsciously want to get good grades. But there's a way to solve this!

Current situation:

Now that I'm in college, I'm ready to take on the world! I'm going to conquer my lack of motivation to study and use my parents' low education as fuel to achieve my dreams. I'm going to break free from the constraints of my original family and soar to new heights!

Questioner's question:

I'm excited to find out how I can solve it!

I respectfully disagree with the original poster's statement that it is due to subconscious reasons and personal ability issues, which cause you to answer questions you know correctly wrong and that you cannot correct even when under strong pressure. I believe there are other factors at play. Test anxiety and nervousness can certainly play a role, as can a lack of a solid foundation in basic knowledge. It's also possible that you're not paying attention. There are so many possibilities! By considering multiple factors, we can find the solution. This is about learning, and learning is exciting!

And there's more! When it comes to family reproaches and suppression, it can be tough to fulfill all the demands of others. But that's okay! There will always be demands, but we can find ways to make sure we have time to catch our breath. And we can choose to stand tall and proud, even when we're trembling in the eyes of others.

Building self-confidence is one thing, but understanding our own ability ceiling and finding our own ability limits is another. This way, we can understand ourselves better and not doubt ourselves due to the blows from others. Of course, this is difficult and requires the help of outsiders, but it's worth it!