Nothing can make me happy. What is wrong with me?

Good morning,

My name is Kelly.

I carefully reviewed the question and was reminded of a time when I was similarly uncertain and discontented. I am currently in communication with the questioner.

"I am unable to identify any source of happiness in my life. Is there something wrong with me?"

1. The subject displays a pervasive sense of unhappiness and an inability to identify sources of joy.

As we proceeded on our walk, we came to recognize that we had not laughed for quite some time. We also recognized that our thoughts are often beyond our control.

The trivialities of life and marriage often result in unexpected challenges. It is human nature to desire a carefree existence. How can we achieve this?

The demands of work, childcare, and family obligations, coupled with a lack of support from family members, contribute to a sense of overwhelm and a reduction in positive emotions.

I would like to express my gratitude for actively seeking solutions, including visiting Yixinli to share my concerns with others. Additionally, I faced personal challenges last year, including feelings of confusion and depression.

At that time, I was unaware that I was experiencing depression. I simply found that I was unable to find happiness, had no interest in work, had no positive feelings towards my husband, and felt that I had no common ground with him.

From an early age, my husband was taught that emotions were not to be discussed in the family. As a result, I have always longed for him to care about me. In fact, he is a relatively emotionally stable person.

I have a keen interest in literature and enjoy discussing emotions and human nature. However, he tends to become irritated when I engage in these conversations or discuss mundane matters.

Over the course of decades, the accumulated effects of emotional neglect and suppression within the marriage have contributed to a sense of disappointment and frustration. Given the experiences of neglect observed in the upbringing of my siblings and myself by our parents, I placed significant expectations on my marriage.

There were frequent disagreements between my husband and me, and he never responded to my emotions. There was a lack of reciprocity in communication. It took a long time for things to reach this point, and I was completely unaware when depression set in. I just suddenly noticed that my temper was getting worse and worse.

Until I developed a somatic reaction, that is, when I became angry, I experienced tremors and a rapid heartbeat. I sought medical attention and was informed that my heart was functioning properly.

I gained insight into somatization through my studies in psychology.

In February, I commenced my studies at One Mind. My first course was an emotional class with teacher Li Huan Sheng. In this class, I met numerous other young people who, like me, were unable to communicate effectively with their families and were experiencing depression. Under the guidance of the teacher, classmates with similar experiences provided each other with emotional support and encouragement.

It is challenging to dwell on unhappy thoughts, but by writing them out, I can gradually begin to process my emotions.

Furthermore, I discovered that some of my memories conceal even earlier incidents, such as the disciplinary actions I endured at the hands of my parents during my formative years. During that period, I lacked the ability to articulate my emotions, but with the guidance of my instructor, I was able to gain insight and find solace. I also recognize that the past is a fixed point in time and that my focus should be on the present and future.

I appreciate your attention to my account.

3: Postpartum recovery is of significant importance. I experienced a significant conflict with my mother-in-law during childbirth, and I also had postpartum depression that I kept bottled up inside. Due to the lack of communication with my husband, this problem was never resolved.

During the postpartum period, women experience significant emotional changes, and the process of raising a child is physically and mentally exhausting.

It is also worth noting that many men do not have the requisite psychological knowledge to understand women's experiences.

It is also important to be aware that postpartum depression can manifest in the early stages.

4. As children grow up, the family's life cycle also changes at different stages. Couples participate in their children's growth together, which can also result in the accumulation of emotions.

5. Returning to the topic of interaction between spouses, we can consider a few questions together.

Does your husband's tendency to nag cause you frustration?

Or do you find yourself becoming irritated with your husband's behavior, which then leads to him becoming more demanding?

Please describe the frequency of family meetings.

Have you discussed the future together in light of your child's growth and development?

Did we learn from our parents to be impetuous?

Should our personal characteristics be inherited from one generation to the next?

What will be the emotional state of our children in such a family environment?

Despite the shortcomings of my husband, have his positive attributes remained consistent since our marriage?

At the time of our initial attraction and subsequent romantic involvement, were we able to maintain a stable and mutually satisfying marriage?

Do we engage in critical analysis of our own marriages?

As first-time parents, are we responsible for ourselves and our children?

Have we considered how to become effective parents and facilitate our children's positive growth?

As a result of observing our parents' behaviour during our formative years, we are influenced by them in our own parenting. Which of these have we incorporated into our current approach to marriage?

6: Let us consider the future.

If we fail to achieve a satisfactory level of contentment, what will be the outcome for our children in ten years' time?

A review of the current resources available indicates whether they are superior or inferior to those of the past.

If it is a long-term commitment, is it a happy and hopeful situation?

If we do not work now, we will lose the income generated from the sale of cabbages. What will be the result?

Is it possible to select a position that is more aligned with our preferences?

If you wish to gain insight, you may choose to pursue employment. If you are persistently dissatisfied, occupational concerns can impact your well-being, your family, your relationships, and the future of your children. It would be prudent to assess this situation.

What is the objective of our work?

7: Did conflict resolution previously result in the resolution of issues?

It is a common occurrence for couples to engage in conflict throughout their lives. This is often a result of a complex interplay of emotions, including love and hate. In some cases, these intense feelings may even lead to the dissolution of the relationship.

The family life you desire is worth having. If we cannot change others, we can change ourselves.

1. Change through learning (reading, studying psychology, etc.)

It is recommended that you read "Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychiatrist" and "Why Families Get Sick."

2. It is challenging for even an impartial official to assess family matters. This is a complex issue that affects not only individuals but also entire families.

3: Those directly involved may be uncertain about the best course of action, but those not affected can provide valuable insight. Seeking guidance from a counselor is a beneficial step.

(It may be helpful to recommend a book to the questioner, or to suggest that they speak with a counselor.)

4. Cultivate your own interests, form connections with others, and establish your own social network.

5. It is advisable to associate with individuals who are cheerful and optimistic, as the adage goes, "Like iron, so does the iron."

6: Emotional issues can be addressed through counseling. A professional counselor can assist in self-exploration, self-understanding, and personal growth.

In the context of the ongoing epidemic, it is imperative to prioritize one's health and well-being.

Furthermore, it is worth questioning whether divorce is an effective solution to the problems in question.

7: Prioritize self-care and pursue personal fulfillment. When you are content, your children will also flourish, and your positive relationship with your children will positively influence your spouse.

8: Those who experience hardship often undergo significant personal transformations, becoming more resilient and capable individuals.

We are in a process of growth together.

Please accept my warmest wishes for a happy birthday.

Hello.

Every day, you feel unhappy about different things: work, children, family, and nothing can make you happy. Such a life without joy can indeed make people feel desperate, but these unhappinesses are ultimately just our personal emotions. It is not that life is not good, but that people are dissatisfied with such a life.

You said you've had a bad temper since childhood and that you still can't control your emotions. This is why you don't feel happy in your daily life. Bad emotions affect our perception of everyday things, just like putting on sunglasses, where everything we see loses its color. Over time, our hearts will be in a depressed emotional state.

"I lost my temper with my child yesterday, and he cried and threw up. I'm so tired, I don't want to deal with it. Then we had a fight, and he told me to jump off a building. But when I stood next to the window, I got scared. What if I die, and what about my parents and my child?"

He knows you're a responsible person who wants everything to be perfect. When things don't go as you want, you feel disappointed and anxious. You lose interest in dealing with other things, and one thing after another goes wrong. You become unhappy, creating a vicious circle.

"I want a happy family atmosphere every day, but every day is unhappy. I come home to all kinds of nagging and arguing. I don't know what to do. Should I divorce?"

"What happens after a divorce?" Your current life is the last thing you want to see. The nagging and arguing in the family makes you extremely irritated. You want to communicate with your husband, but you get no response. You want to be a competent mother and wife, but because of your poor health, you get pain all over your body when you lift even the slightest object, which increases your inner guilt and self-blame. You don't get any understanding or support from your husband, and your physical and mental exhaustion makes you even more anxious.

Let's be real. The current situation of married life is this: "I'm afraid to go home because I'm afraid of my husband nagging, and when he nags, I get annoyed and lose my temper."

In summary, your situation is a problem for both parties. Your husband's tolerance and comfort can help you successfully get through the "postpartum depression" stage. For various reasons, your husband may not have the time to care. The reason why you want to communicate but your husband won't respond may be that he doesn't see a good improvement after the response, so he gives up what he considers to be ineffective communication.

You must calm your emotions. Pursue a calm and peaceful heart. Reduce anxiety in your life and work by lowering unreasonable expectations. Set goals for work and life to replenish your need for self-worth. Provide yourself with the sweet index of your life through appropriate recreational activities and gourmet rewards. Master the knack of controlling your emotions. Become the master of your emotions.

Best regards. Have a nice day!

Hello, I empathize with you when I read your description. It seems like you're facing a lot of challenges and difficulties. Have you ever considered what might make you a little happier? What could you do to make yourself feel more content?

In the midst of a busy life, it can be beneficial to set aside some time to relax and unwind.

Regarding my own situation,

I don't believe that a person will have a bad temper from childhood and show it in such a way. There must be a deep-seated need behind it, but what that need is still needs to be discovered by oneself (or if you have the means, you can also go for psychological counseling). Perhaps the failure of your original family to meet your needs has affected you to this day, causing you to be in this state in your current family life. But fortunately, you have now discovered it and seen your own state, which is a good thing. Perhaps it will be a bit difficult for you to immediately change your personality, but if these emotions that you have not taken care of are not sorted out in time and vented, they may continue to affect you. I'm afraid you don't want to see this result. Please take as much time as you need to think about what I need to do if I want this kind of life.

It might be helpful to know yourself, understand yourself, pay attention to yourself, and protect yourself with your preferences, values, and bottom line. Instead of being consumed by the external environment's ups and downs, it could be beneficial to consider these aspects of self-care.

It may be helpful to view poor health as being akin to emotional distress. In such instances, it is often beneficial to prioritize self-care and seek guidance from a medical professional. If you are experiencing discomfort or distress, it is important to acknowledge and address it.

Regarding relationships between husbands and wives

The idea is that you can find the strength to deal with life by taking the time to sort yourself out, which will help you to face the everyday challenges of life with confidence.

Communication with your husband may also require some skills. It would be helpful to know your own and your partner's bottom lines well enough to express your thoughts in a targeted manner, so that he knows what kind of life you want.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider why his nagging bothers you. Is it because it happens too often, every time you come home?

Could it be that someone treated you this way subconsciously, and your irritation is your stress response? Or is it that he nags you about these things and you don't want to listen, and then you don't want to do them either?

If you find yourselves at an impasse, no matter how much you communicate, you may not get the response you're looking for.

If it's an option for you, it might be helpful to sit down and calmly talk about this matter. It's understandable that people don't like to be nagged, but in your relationship, it might be beneficial to find a way to communicate your needs without feeling nagged. When you communicate with him, you'll have a better chance of getting your point across and maintaining focus.

If it's an option for you, there are a number of ways you can approach his nagging. One way is to show that you're annoyed and get angry. Another way is to act cute, pretend to be angry, or act serious. This can add a little fun to the communication between you and your spouse, and perhaps start a positive cycle of communication.

Regarding children

It's possible that you didn't feel cared for when you were young, which might have made it difficult for you to develop the strength to take care of yourself as you grew up. Before you learned to take care of yourself, it must have been challenging to take care of a child. It's also worth noting that the requirements for parents to educate their children have increased significantly. If you're interested in raising a child who is physically and mentally healthy and has perfect social skills, it's likely that you'll need a strong parent as a support for your child. This is not a simple task.

It's important to remember that you don't have to let yourself get too anxious. Taking care of yourself is an essential part of being a good mother. While your child may not need you to do a lot, it's still important to be there for them when they need you.

Yesterday, I experienced a moment of frustration with my child, which resulted in him becoming upset and vomiting. I'm currently facing some fatigue, and I'm trying to find a way to navigate this challenge.

I can imagine how difficult it must be for you to see your child in this state. If you are able to find a way to release your emotions in a healthy way, it might help you to be more present for your child, and avoid causing them to cry and throw up. It's so important to take care of yourself, and I'm here to support you in doing that.

Regarding work

The work part is just a few words, but I think there might be a connection between the discomfort of the work situation and the state of the family environment. If you do a job you don't like but are very worried about, and then go home to an environment where you can't relax, and go to work in that state, and the work is something you don't like, it could potentially lead to a challenging cycle. Work and life are mixed with all kinds of emotions and dissatisfaction, but there might not be an outlet for you to vent, and this could contribute to the situation.

Perhaps the most important thing to do in response to such a situation is to focus on yourself. It may be helpful to take some time to reflect on your own preferences, values, and priorities, and to consider ways to build a supportive inner environment. It's also important to recognize the potential within ourselves and to believe in our ability to navigate life's challenges and to take control of our own lives.

I hope these thoughts are helpful. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you have any questions or need further support.

Good day, My name is June.

From your description, it appears that you lack a sense of control in your life. This has led to feelings of disappointment and low mood. For these reasons, I have sent you the "Depression Symptom Criteria" so that you can make an informed decision. If the symptoms match, it is recommended that you visit your GP for a diagnosis and treatment plan.

I. Diagnostic Criteria for Depressive Symptoms

For a period of at least two weeks, five or more of the following symptoms have been present, with at least one being depressed mood or loss of interest or pleasure:

1. Depressed mood

2. Loss of interest or pleasure

3. Significant weight loss or weight gain

4. Insomnia or hypersomnia

5. Psychomotor agitation or retardation

6. Fatigue or lack of energy

7. Perceived lack of worth and excessive, inappropriate guilt.

8. Impaired cognitive function

9. Recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal ideation, and suicide attempts

2. A sense of loss of control in life

"I am unsure if I lack love, but I feel that the people around me do not care about me enough. I had a disagreement with my husband, but it did not result in any resolution. Later, when I attempted to communicate, I received no response. Then the cycle began anew."

From your description, it is evident that you are the type who tends to hold back and please others, and then explode when things reach the breaking point. This may be an experience you learned from your family of origin, and your mother may exemplify this behavior.

Due to being caught up in your emotions, you neglected your child, which has led to feelings of being unloved.

It is therefore essential to implement changes to avoid repeating the same patterns with your children. How can you break this cycle?

1. Set goals

You have indicated that you are currently unable to identify any aspect of your life that brings you happiness. This may be due to a lack of clarity regarding your desired lifestyle. Given the complexity of familial relationships, it may be beneficial to initially focus on your professional life. As a first step, it would be helpful to take stock of your current work situation and identify areas that you find unsatisfactory.

In terms of interpersonal relationships, salary, and so on, what are your thoughts?

Please describe your work skills.

Once the problem has been analysed, it is possible to learn and make targeted adjustments.

2. Nonviolent communication

The act of suppressing one's feelings can be perceived as a form of violence. It may appear as though one is merely concealing their grievances, but in reality, it is akin to accumulating dissatisfaction, which can potentially lead to more significant issues when expressed. Family members may not always be aware of the underlying causes of one's unhappiness.

Accordingly, when experiencing any form of discontent, it is advisable to engage in self-reflection.

What are the underlying issues that are causing this level of dissatisfaction?

Is this the most accurate assessment of the situation? Is this the sole contributing factor?

Is there an alternative explanation for this issue?

For example, you return from work feeling fatigued, yet you still prepare a substantial meal, only to discover that your spouse has not returned home to dine.

You perceive yourself to be dispensable in this family unit, with the implication that your needs are not being met.

Consider a different perspective: You are fatigued. Why not take a break? Did you inquire of your husband if he wished to come home for dinner before preparing the meal?

Your husband may have an important business dinner.

When viewed from a different perspective, it becomes evident that

Firstly, it is important to love yourself. When you feel tired, it is essential to rest and take care of your body.

Secondly, your husband is likely unaware of your fatigue. If he returns home for dinner and observes that you have prepared a substantial meal, he may assume that you are not particularly tired. Otherwise, it would be difficult to explain your ability to cook such a meal.

Third, your husband is facing his own challenges. He has a demanding schedule, including work and social commitments, and may also be experiencing fatigue, which limits his ability to attend to your needs.

Once you have clarified your thoughts, you will realize that the initial perception of your husband's behavior was misguided.

The above is for your reference only. Best regards,

Hello, You're feeling trapped by your emotions.

After reading your message, I felt helpless. I felt trapped and like I was suffocating. It's as if there's a low mood that follows you around and takes over your whole being.

You can get help from a local Jingwei Center or the mental health department of a tertiary hospital. You're not very sick. When we're not sure, we can choose to eliminate the impossible.

Then calm down and find a solution.

You seem stressed and exhausted in all areas of your life. You're not alone. Many people feel similarly, but they express themselves differently.

I don't know your age, but you should be in your early middle age. I ask about your age because people grow and develop in different ways.

As we get older, we have to deal with difficult relationships at work, with bosses and colleagues. We also have to keep up with new knowledge to stay relevant. All of this can make us feel stressed. On the other hand, we have to take care of our families.

We have become the mainstay of the family. We play the roles of wife, mother, and daughter. We feel uncomfortable switching between roles. This can lead to fatigue and a sense of weariness.

It's not just about your abilities, but also about development.

We use the resources around us, like parents, husbands, and friends. We learn to ask for help and show weakness. We are not necessarily strong as mothers, but as women, we are soft.

You can also seek professional help, whether it be counseling or just someone to talk to. This can help us sort ourselves out and show that we love ourselves.

When you're tired, say so. When you don't feel like talking, stay quiet. Give yourself 60 minutes a day to be yourself.

Beyond these 60 minutes, we face our demons.

See yourself, then become a character. Start by caring for yourself.

I recommend the series "Meet Your Unknown Self." It helped me when I was in a similar situation. Do what you want, when you want.

I hope we can all love ourselves every day.