Now in ninth grade, argued with my mother, called an animal, told to die?

Good morning, I am a mother of a child who has recently completed their junior high school studies. I am also a practicing psychological counselor. I have recently observed my son's experience with the high school entrance exam. Over the past six months, my son has demonstrated an ability to overcome significant challenges and achieve a high school placement in a highly competitive school.

I empathize with the stress associated with the entrance exam. I hope this information is helpful.

Firstly, I would like to address you directly. I can see that you are a motivated and hardworking child. Despite the pressure, you are still struggling hard. I applaud you for your efforts. However, I am concerned about the family atmosphere and the lack of support and encouragement you are receiving from your parents.

You are currently facing the following challenges: 1. Competition from classmates It is not uncommon for there to be fluctuations in academic performance among classmates at this stage. It is important to focus on your own performance and study at your own pace.

If you invest the necessary effort, you will see a return on your investment.

2. Family pressure: My mother's approach to problem-solving is somewhat extreme, often manifesting as emotional outbursts and disciplinary actions. Currently, she is particularly anxious about my future and my academic performance. However, due to her upbringing and personality, she tends to be less rational and calm than is ideal.

It is important to understand the expectations of our mothers. However, we may not be able to meet them. We should focus on our own tasks and not worry about what they say. There are more important things to do.

3. It is not necessary to devote a great deal of attention to the opinions of others. After all, the responsibility for your studies lies with you. It is not realistic to expect external validation at any time. The opinions of others will not directly affect your score, but a negative mood will have a detrimental impact on your performance.

In short, the exam is just a few months away. Therefore, it is important to make the most of the time you have now, set your own pace, and you will undoubtedly make great progress. The exam is just one part of your life, and there are many more opportunities ahead. We encourage you to cherish the present, and to communicate with your mothers if you require additional support.

My son was able to improve his grades and pass the exam, and I believe you have the same potential. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions. I am available to assist you at this critical juncture in your academic journey.

Greetings, classmate.

In light of your inquiry, I was profoundly disconcerted by the mother's reprimand.

Such a response is, in my estimation, quite extreme. It is imperative that one refrain from uttering such disparaging remarks to one's child. Regardless of the audience, such statements are difficult to endure, particularly when directed at one's own offspring. It is reasonable to assume that at the time, you experienced significant emotional distress.

Let me offer you a hug and provide you with the warmth and strength you need. It is okay to feel sad; there is no reason to be otherwise.

It is possible that the mother was experiencing an emotional episode and that her tone was disproportionately harsh. It is unlikely that her statements were entirely accurate. The child is still a good person.

If you are indicating that your mother subjected you to verbal and physical abuse, including belittling, beating, choking, and assaulting you, as well as making you feel validated and even suicidal, then I am inclined to believe you.

A similar incident was reported in the news recently.

The child made an error at school, and the mother was summoned to the educational facility, where she responded to the child with a combination of abuse and disciplinary instruction, exhibiting a disregard for the child's emotional state.

At this juncture, the child silently endures the situation, remains silent for a few minutes, and then jumps directly from the school building.

The observation of parents engaging in abusive parenting behaviors, which can have adverse effects on the child's development, often evokes feelings of distress and helplessness.

I felt compelled to write this, and I hope you will not be offended or adversely affected by it.

Parents are individuals with whom we have a close biological relationship and who are responsible for our care and protection. They are the primary sources of love and trust, and are the individuals with whom we have the most significant trust and reliance.

If parents provide encouragement and support to their children from an early age, the children will develop a more complete personality structure, receive sufficient warmth, and experience a great deal of positive energy, which is crucial for their growth and development.

Nevertheless, some parents adhere to the belief that children are unable to tolerate praise, that they will become arrogant and fall behind, and that they require constant discipline to "move forward."

The aggression caused by hurtful words from parents can have a more profound impact on a child's self-esteem and self-worth than that of other individuals.

Furthermore, one may internalize such comments as one's own voice, for example, "You're so bad, you're a loser..."

It is possible that your mother has limited understanding. She may hope that you can do well in your studies, but she may lack the ability to express her emotions properly. When she was a child, it is probable that your grandparents treated her in a similar manner, which may have resulted in her receiving a lack of love. It is hoped that you can try to understand her, but it is challenging for both of us to change her. She may require the opportunity to learn and adjust on her own.

The combination of academic pressure and parental lack of understanding can result in feelings of intense distress and depression, with limited avenues for discussion or resolution.

It is hoped that you will be able to adapt effectively. It is advised that you refrain from worrying when you are distressed and from engaging in unproductive thought patterns. This will only result in increased fatigue and a heightened perception of distress.

It is essential to differentiate and elucidate one's perceptions, emotions, and behaviors, as the anxiety and emotionality exhibited by one's parents are not a consequence of external influences. It is imperative to disassociate from the internalized narrative that deems one as inherently flawed and unworthy, and to identify a clear reflection of oneself that aligns with the intrinsic value of being loved.

It is imperative to cease self-denial and the internalization of worthlessness. Despite the absence of adequate maternal love, it is crucial to maintain an internal affirmation of one's intrinsic value. A concentration on academic endeavors is paramount during this pivotal period of learning. The formulation of attainable objectives and a dedication to rigorous study are essential for the enhancement of academic performance and capabilities. The demonstration of consistent advancement can potentially elicit a favorable shift in the mother's attitude and perspectives.

One may also choose to maintain a diary, document their emotions, and offer themselves words of encouragement. This practice can facilitate healing and mitigate stress.

Furthermore, engaging in regular exercise can serve as an effective stress management strategy. This involves integrating periods of work with periods of rest and relaxation, practising moderation, and incorporating physical activity into one's daily routine. This approach can enhance the efficiency and benefits of learning for both the body and mind. It is my hope that you will persevere in this endeavour.

Classmate, I extend my sincerest regards and best wishes to you. As long as you maintain a sense of love and compassion within your heart, you will continue to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and you will remain undaunted in the face of adversity.

You have consistently demonstrated excellence.

It has been more than four months since the original poster asked the question. I am confident that my late answer, which is several months old, will help the original poster in some way.

"I'm in my third year of high school and feel a lot of pressure. Watching those students in my class who used to get bad grades all get into the top 20, I feel quite panicked. The other day, I told my mom that I got 316 (out of 650). She said, 'If that's the case, you still want to go to high school?' I told her I did, and that I wanted to go to college. I also told her I wanted her to support me and cheer me on. Instead of cheering me on, she punched me in the chest, catching me off guard and taking me by surprise.

This is really hurtful, especially when the result is something you worked hard for and are proud of compared to before.

"This morning I had a fight with her. The pent-up emotions exploded. I told her that when I mentioned my grades yesterday, she slapped me and choked me while she was hitting me." The questioner wanted to give her mother another chance and make her understand what was going on with you. But her mother didn't pick up on this. Instead, she hit you.

"She said I was not a human being but an animal, and asked why I didn't just die," these words make it clear that the original poster feels completely disappointed in her mother, and a little disappointed in herself. It's evident that in your mother's eyes, you are so unworthy that you are not even worthy of "living."

"I feel like no one in the world loves me anymore, I feel like everyone hates me." There are many people in the world besides your mother, and you know what? Even if she really doesn't love you anymore, there will still be other people who love you.

Don't let anyone tell you that everyone who doesn't love you hates you.

It is just as difficult to make everyone hate you as it is to make everyone love you.

From reading the whole text, it is clear that the connection between you and your mother is very close. This proximity means that what happens to you is mistaken for happening to her, and the same feelings that arise in your mother are attributed to you.

Your poor academic performance has caused you to feel "panic" (a sense of shame, powerlessness, and helplessness). Your mother's overreaction to this has caused her to feel an even greater sense of shame, powerlessness, and helplessness, as if it were happening to her. She feels so overwhelmed that she lashes out at you with harsh words and actions, so that she can at least retain a little "adult self-respect."

"She said I'm not a human being, I'm an animal, and asked why I didn't just die," she may have said this to herself, or perhaps there are many things in life that make her feel bad about herself. But she needed an outlet to vent, so she took "the opportunity" presented by the questioner's situation to do so.

The questioner loves his mother and unconsciously cooperated with her, providing her with a reason to vent. You are worried that your mother can no longer bear it.

Your academic performance is crucial during your student years, and whether or not you can get into high school is a significant source of anxiety. However, in the long run, your academic performance and whether or not you can go to high school are not the be-all and end-all of your life.

The key is "as long as there is life, there is hope."

The questioner is currently in the third year of high school and is still young. What happens now does not determine everything in the future. You need to calm yourself down and let your mother calm down too. Do what you can.

You've done your best. That's all you can do.

I am certain that my reply has been of some help to you. Best wishes!

Hello, dear question asker!

I've read your problem description over and over again, and I feel so sad for you. I'm here for you, and I'm sending you a big hug across the screen to try to make you feel better.

I can totally see how stressful the third year of junior high school is for you! You said,

I was really feeling the pressure when I saw that all the students in our class who had previously had poor grades had all managed to get into the top 20.

Oh, the pressure in the third year of junior high school is already so high! And then something you don't like happens, and you're in a bad mood.

I was really proud of my scores, but it seemed like they were seen as poor by my mom.

From what you said, I can also read that your current grades are better than you expected! And it's all thanks to your restraint and hard work, especially when something you don't like happens and you're in a bad mood.

But, in a totally unexpected turn of events, when you wanted to gain your mother's support and tell her, she said something that was really difficult to hear.

Oh, my dear, you still want to take the high school entrance exam?

You didn't go into much detail about the day of the exam, but I can see that this really hurt you. I'm so sorry! You only brought it up again this morning, but I didn't expect your mother to lose control even more.

This morning, I had a bit of a disagreement with her, and things got a little heated. I told her that when I mentioned my grades yesterday, she slapped me and choked me while she was hitting me. It hurt, really hurt, and it still hurts in my neck. She said I was not a human being, but an animal, and asked me why I didn't just die. I really wanted to jump off a building.

I'm here for you, my friend. You really have been wronged!

I'm not sure why your mom is struggling to control her emotions, but I know she's just hoping you'll become a better version of yourself and trying to motivate you in the way she thinks is best.

I'm so sure this is the right thing to do because my sweet baby is also in the third year of junior high school. Her father saw her playing with her phone all day and, bless his heart, he got so upset and said some really hurtful things.

It's so sad — it made the kids cry. I know he loves her very much, but when he loses his temper, he becomes unrecognizable.

It can be really tough to make changes, can't it? I had to tell my little one to try not to upset your dad.

When he's in a good mood, let your child talk some sense into him.

I totally get it. I found that you also want to tell your mother again, but I didn't expect it to make things even more unpleasant. Maybe the two of you are experiencing puberty and menopause at the same time, and communication is not that easy. Why don't you observe the situation again and find the right moment to tell her about the things that are happening in your current environment and how they affect your mood?

It would be really helpful for you to talk about all the great things you're doing, your goals, and your hopes for her.

You can also write out whatever you're thinking on WeChat, just like you did to ask for help here, and send it to your mother. Don't doubt your mother's love. Even I, an outsider, feel sad when I see how you are now. You are loved by everyone around you.

But then again, the psychologist's research suggests that we should love ourselves more. This means that we should love ourselves and not seek love from others.

It's so great that you're here for help! It's a big step up from your mother. I don't know how you found out about this place, but it shows that you have a very strong cognitive ability and are not the kind of person who just studies hard. I can see that once your mood stabilizes, your learning ability will definitely rise steadily.

It's the third year of junior high school, so time is a bit tight, otherwise I would let you come here more often to learn how to love yourself, and then influence your mother. But don't worry! For someone with good cognitive skills like you, you can definitely learn how to treat yourself well from your own studies.

As long as you understand that you really have to love yourself, that's all that matters. And you can learn to love yourself anywhere.

All the things I didn't like are in the past now, and I've also been able to heal my relationship with my mum through writing here.

Let's start by loving ourselves!

Hello, let me give you a hug. It seems that you feel aggrieved because your mother criticizes, rejects, and scolds you.

I can sense your enthusiasm for learning and the commendable grades you have achieved. Unfortunately, your mother did not acknowledge this, and she also rejected and criticized you. As a result, you had a disagreement with her and were disappointed.

As a mother, I can empathize with your feelings. You may desire to be seen, respected, recognized, and accepted. You may want to see your efforts in your studies and achievements acknowledged. You may also want to be treated as an equal on a human level.

If I may, I would like to take you through what went wrong.

/:rose 1. Seeing your own psychological needs:

I believe there may be some underlying issues that require our attention.

I believe that your sadness and anger may be driven by an unmet need.

As your significant other, your parents can provide you with the "psychological nutrition" you need for healthy physical and mental growth, such as a sense of security, the ability to love, the ability to connect with others, self-worth, and independence.

It is worth noting that self-worth plays an important role in fostering self-confidence. Children who receive frequent affirmation, praise, and approval from their parents tend to develop a strong sense of worth and self-assurance. They often exhibit confidence in themselves and a positive outlook about the future.

It is possible that children who rarely receive affirmation, praise, and recognition from their parents may be more sensitive and suspicious, and may have a fragile heart.

It is beneficial to note that you are currently in your third year of high school, during which you have developed your own judgment and ability to think independently. This affords you the opportunity to provide yourself with psychological nourishment in a way that is unique to you.

Perhaps it would be helpful to start with the simplest things: constantly give yourself positive feedback, affirm, praise, and accept yourself.

A person's value is something that only they can determine for themselves. It is not influenced by the opinions of others. When we are unsure of our own value, it can be easy to be swayed by the opinions of others, which can lead to us living "in other people's mouths and in other people's eyes."

It is important to remember that a person's value is their own subjective evaluation of themselves, and that it is not influenced by the opinions of others. When we are unsure of our own value, it can be easy to be influenced by the opinions of others, which can lead to feelings of being "living in the mouths of others, living in the eyes of others."

/:rose 2. It might be helpful to put yourself in other people's shoes and consider things from more perspectives.

/:rose 2. It might be helpful to put yourself in other people's shoes and consider things from multiple perspectives.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider how your mother typically responds to you. Is she also quick to deny, accuse, and scold? If so, it might be worth exploring this further.

It's important to remember that parents are also ordinary people with their own limitations. Accepting their imperfections does not necessarily mean agreeing with them. I'm not sure how your mother usually responds to you, but it's possible that she may also be quick to deny, accuse, and scold.

It's important to remember that parents are also ordinary people with their own limitations. Accepting their imperfections does not necessarily mean agreeing with them. I'm not sure how your mother usually responds to you, but it might be helpful to consider whether she also negates, accuses, and scolds at every turn.

From a different perspective, the truth of the problem may become more apparent, which could lead to a greater range of potential solutions.

Gaining a broader perspective can help you perceive the truth of a matter and thus open up more possibilities.

For example, you scored 316 points, which is a significant improvement compared to your previous score. However, your mother is comparing you to a perfect score of 650 points.

It is understandable that different standards can lead to different measurements and judgments, which can in turn bring out different emotions.

For instance, you may have had a disagreement with your mother, which resulted in her hitting you and saying some harsh, hurtful things. In your perception, this could be seen as your mother targeting you.

It might be the case that your mother has experienced a series of unfortunate events, a disagreement with your father, a disagreement with your neighbors, or a challenging situation at work. It's possible that she was simply reacting to these circumstances and that her actions were not intended to target you.

As you mentioned, the pressure of the junior high school entrance exam is significant. It's not just the child who is affected by this pressure, but also the parents, who may experience worry and anxiety about their child's future.

If I might make a suggestion, it would be to consider separating your actions from your motives.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that there are different standards and judgments, which naturally bring out different emotions. For example, you had a disagreement with your mother, and she expressed her frustration in a way that you interpreted as criticism. It's possible that your mother has just had a run of bad luck, or perhaps she was experiencing some personal challenges. She may have taken her frustration out on you because she cares about you. The pressure of the junior high school entrance exam is already significant. It's not just about the child's studies, but also about the parents' worries and anxieties about their child's future. In this regard, it might be helpful to try to separate your actions from your motives. There

There are right and wrong ways to behave (it would have been better if she hadn't scolded you), but the motivation behind the behavior must be good (it would be wonderful if Mom hoped you studied hard, got good grades, and got into a good high school).

I hope the above is helpful to you, and I wish you well in all your endeavors.

If you would like to continue the conversation, you are welcome to click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello. I hope my answer helps.

Hug you. I know you're uncomfortable. If you want to cry, just cry. I know you need your mother's support, but her blaming you makes you feel sad. Maybe she doesn't want this, but she doesn't know there are other options.

Here are some suggestions:

1. Accept that your mother is the way she is. You can't change other people.

The book "A Change of Heart" says there are three things in the world: your own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven. We are troubled because we worry about other people's affairs and the affairs of heaven.

What other people think and do is their business. Mum is an independent person, and her thoughts and feelings are shaped by things like her genetics, upbringing, education, and living environment. So, she is just the way she is, and if she doesn't want to change, there's nothing we can do.

We can't change her, but we can change ourselves. We can try to accept her and express our needs and feelings to her.

When you accept her, you won't be disgusted by her behavior. She isn't who you imagined. She has her limits, but she loves you.

Mom is an ordinary person. She can't give you what she doesn't have. I know this is difficult, but if you accept it, it will help you.

2. Communicate your feelings and needs in a non-violent way.

To communicate non-violently, state the facts, express your feelings, express your needs, and ask the other person to do something.

Tell your mother, "You scolded me today for... I feel bad, a little aggrieved, and a little angry. I'm all grown up now, and I hope you can respect me. I also hope to get your support and recognition. I really want to study hard, and I hope you can see my efforts and listen to what's in my heart. In the future, can you stop communicating with me by hitting and scolding, and instead tell me what your needs are?

When you understand each other, your emotional connection will become stronger.

3. Release emotions.

Suppressing emotions all the time will lead to an emotional explosion. We should release our emotions regularly. We can release our emotions in the following ways:

1. Socialize with friends who support you and make you feel comfortable.

2. Exercise and relax.

3. Write down your feelings and thoughts. Don't worry about how it looks or if it makes sense. Just write.

4. Punch pillows and sandbags to release your anger.

5. Use the empty chair technique to release emotions: place an empty chair in a room and sit in it. You can express yourself to the chair (anger, abuse are fine).

Best,

Hello there!

I can see that you're going through something called "conditional love."

It's so important to learn to take control of your own life.

I really believe that studying hard is also a great idea. It'll give you the tools you need to escape from a family that controls you and criticizes you.

To be independent, it's really helpful to have a certain financial foundation. It's also a great idea to rely on your knowledge as a stepping stone to find a job that suits you!

Mommy is wrong, sweetheart. We can't help but chew on what our loved ones say.

This kind of hurt is like a nuclear weapon, my dear.

It's so important to remember that when we turn on our defense mechanisms to protect ourselves, we can end up feeling like we're full of thorns.

You have to believe that there are people in this world who want to believe what you say and stand by your side. I believe in you!

With this belief, please live for yourself. You can do it! Think about how you can escape from such a family someday in the future.

You can do it! You've got this! Break through that barrier with your own strength.

You've got this! Don't give up now. The person who hurt you will not regret it.

It's a tough spot to be in, but you've got this! You'll make it through this and you'll be stronger for it.

You can do it! Don't give up!

Don't give up! We all know that life is full of setbacks, and the future might not be smooth sailing. But you've got this!

I'd love for you to promise me you'll experience it together with me!

Hi, I'm 3cats! I'm so excited to share my psychological healing essays in a series on 1xinli. You can follow along anytime. And when you're looking for a little comfort, you can check out this link: https://www.xinli001.com/info/100478640.

"Risk Family" Chapter 1 - Psychology Articles - Yi Psychology (xinli001.com)

Hi, everyone! I'm Three Cats, and I'm here to chat about all things psychology. You can find me on Zhihu under the username "Three Cats Talk About Psychology." I'd love to hear from you!