Now pregnant, constantly worrying about being left alone, lacking in love, what to do?

Your current pregnancy situation has caused your somewhat sensitive disposition to become even more uncertain. This has resulted in considerable discomfort, as you have experienced the strength of your in-laws and the indifference of other relatives.

It appears that there is a lack of assistance available to you. You are seeking a significant number of favours, but are unable to obtain them. The non-fulfilment of your requests may have gradually reduced your sense of self-efficacy, to the point where you feel unable to take action in the future.

Your previous character has already caused significant disruption to your personal and professional life. It is now time to make the necessary adjustments to ensure a more stable future. Expecting too much from others to help you may still be a bit passive, because other people also have their own things to do.

You require assistance at this time and are concerned about the possibility of being hurt. You are worried about your sense of security, but the reality is that your in-laws have not yet reached that level. Perhaps you can work with your husband to explain the situation to your in-laws, so that they can focus on you and favor you forever and ever.

I advise that you take the requisite psychological tests to identify your blind spots and seek counseling, as your current anxiety and distress can be alleviated. Why pursue this? Because it is unlikely that people will get everything they want. Best of luck.

Please advise.

Hello,

Host:

After reading the post, I could tell the poster was feeling anxious. At the same time, I also noticed that the poster had been brave in expressing their distress and seeking help from others.

I'm sure this will help the host to understand herself better and grow into a better version of herself.

Now, I'll share my observations and thoughts from the post, which might help the original poster gain a better understanding of herself.

1. If you want something, you may need to give something first.

After reading the post, I had a sense of déjà vu. I'm not sure if the poster has posted on this platform before.

The host feels that she lacks love and wants to receive love from her husband and in-laws. This is a very normal psychological need, because everyone needs love.

How can you get enough love when you lack it? I think this is what the original poster needs to think about now.

A lot of people also think that if you want love, you've got to give love first. I actually agree with that.

If we want love from others, we need to give love first. If the other person reciprocates, we've also received love. But giving love isn't about pleasing others or going overboard.

Instead, we should give love in line with our abilities, and we should expect them to love us back, but we shouldn't force them to love us.

And if we give love and expect it to be returned, it can cause problems. For example, if others don't return it, we may have a lot of emotions.

Feelings of grievance, sadness, loss, and even anger can really affect the relationship and make it more tense if they aren't expressed in a reasonable way.

It's important to understand that we can't control other people and that our values may differ from theirs. When we expect others to love us, we should also recognize that we can't force it.

Then we can start to receive love.

2. Make up for the love you lack yourself.

It's really important to fill the gaps in our self-love. We need to know that we're the best person to know what we need, including love and companionship.

We need to remember that we're adults now, and the host is also about to become a mother. We need to take responsibility for our own lives, emotions, and needs.

When others can't give you love, remember you can also love yourself. When you crave the love of others, it means your emotions are being dictated by them.

It doesn't matter if others meet our expectations, if they're reliable, or if they have good character. These factors determine whether our emotions are positive or negative. Think about it. Is this really a good thing?

Once we learn to satisfy ourselves and fill the gaps in our love, we'll have more control over our emotions and lives. We'll be able to make our own choices.

I know this might be tough for the original poster, but it's not impossible. Just imagine what your ideal parents would do to love you.

Love yourself the way they love you. This will help you make up for the lack of love in your heart.

This can also help the hostess become a better mother and love her future baby more.

3. Put the main focus back on yourself.

Focusing on ourselves can help us grow and make up for the love we lack. The more we have, the more we can give to others, and the more they can give back to us.

So the host may be able to refocus his energy on his own growth, making his inner self richer, more powerful, and more attractive.

And how can we improve? The host has sought help on the Yi Xinli platform, which offers a range of excellent courses and reading clubs.

I'm currently studying the pocket exercises and attending the book club. There are also a few other resources that I think you'll find quite useful for learning.

I'm not promoting courses on the platform, though. Even if you buy a membership, I don't get any revenue.

I think this could be a great opportunity to improve yourself.

I hope this is helpful for the original poster. I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach on the Yixinli platform.

Hello!

Your story makes me think you need love. I grew up without much love and still longed for it. Now I have a family and want love from my in-laws and husband.

Children learn about the world and themselves from their parents. Parents are the most important people in a child's life.

If the person you trust most shows you don't deserve to be loved, you don't question it, you accept it.

As children, we believed we were unworthy of love.

What are the general characteristics of people who were unloved as children?

They exaggerate their flaws, are sensitive, and belittle themselves. They demand a lot from themselves.

They feel inadequate, think others dislike them, intimidate themselves, and back down. They are insecure.

2. They like to place their emotions in other people's hands. Once they fall in love, they place their emotions in the other person's hands. Once they get married, they place their emotions in their in-laws' hands. They are always on edge, and their emotions are easily stirred up. Their moods rise and fall every day.

3. The first thing people look for in a partner is kindness and love.

If something is lacking, people will pay attention to it. For a girl who lacks love, it's enough if you're nice to her and show you care.

Some men think that if they say they love you, you won't expect anything else.

4. They can't accept changes in relationships. They have idealized expectations of people around them, but expectations can be broken.

They think any unenthusiastic action means "he doesn't care." They're afraid of being abandoned and worry about what will happen.

Girls who lack love are victims of their original family.

Everyone feels a lack of love at times.

A person who lacks love looks for love.

They think a soul mate will complete them.

But a person's lack of love makes them more likely to fall in love with bad people.

They always look for proof that the other person doesn't love them. It's easy to hope for someone to save you, but it's hard to find. It's hard for one person to truly understand another.

You are the only person who can heal yourself.

Read books like "Healing Your Inner Child" by Dr. Hellinger or see a counselor.

Read some self-healing articles and listen to some audios. Do it persistently over the long term.

If you rely on others to fill the void in your heart, you will be disappointed. You will think you don't deserve love. Biological parents don't always love their children fully.

Right?

Learn.

Self-awareness

Know yourself.

and respond to yourself.

Finally, accept your imperfections. Everyone experiences trauma.

The cracks let light in.

Best wishes!

If your in-laws get along well with you, that's great. But what if things are just so-so and you don't feel as pampered as you'd like?

We're lucky to have been chosen because we must have met some need they had, and our value is just what they need.

Happiness is about meeting your needs.

If you meet your expectations, your husband loves you, and your in-laws are especially caring and concerned about you, then your needs are met and you will be very happy.

So when we expect others to fulfill our needs, let's think back and consider what we can offer. What do they need?

For instance, a colleague of mine has a mother-in-law who is very kind to her because she is the breadwinner in the family, earning more than her son, and has also raised her children well. Consequently, she is very nice to her daughter-in-law.

If someone doesn't love you and you feel a lack of love, it's probably because you weren't satisfied as a child. But if you just demand it, it will also tire out the people who love you. Love is mutual.

It's also important to give love in return, and it should be basically equivalent love, otherwise it'll create an imbalance.

I heard that you're also comparing yourself to your sister-in-law. Some people have no basis for comparison. She may be lucky and have a smooth life.

We need to look forward, not back. We can't change the past, so let's focus on the future. We should focus on our value, learn to care for others, and manage our marriage well. That's what we should do!