Often, I don't know whether I really want to say no. I'm torn between conflicting emotions. What should I do?

The question is somewhat complex and may benefit from a more detailed analysis. It may be more accessible if divided into two parts.

1. How might one ascertain their own feelings? This question appears to be theoretical in nature.

2. The question of how one should express one's refusal is contingent upon the specific circumstances of the situation in question.

We shall commence by undertaking a detailed examination of the initial section.

Frequently, there is a conflation of feelings with thoughts. Thoughts and feelings then merge, giving rise to new thoughts and feelings, which in turn merge with the original elements.

Sensation can be defined as the brain's reflection of the individual attributes of objective things that act directly on the sensory organs. In essence, sensation is the process of nerve impulses generated by receptors receiving stimuli that represent experiences both inside and outside the body.

The human perception of the objective world commences with sensation, which represents the most basic form of perception. To illustrate, when an individual observes a red apple, they are aware of its color and shape. Similarly, when they consume it, they recognize its taste.

In this example, the red, round, sweet apple is an objectively defined entity with distinct characteristics.

1. It reflects the objective things that one is directly exposed to at the moment. 2. It reflects the individual attributes of objective things, rather than the whole.

Thoughts may be defined as opinions, views, and ideas. In most cases, there is a cognitive component, which may be conceptualized as a series of interconnected ideas.

Thought processing occurs.

In regard to your state, you desire that I engage in gaming activities, and during the course of these activities, I experience positive affect (i.e., feelings of happiness), yet concurrently, I also perceive a sense of obligation or responsibility (i.e., feelings of unease and distress).

I consider gaming to be an inefficient use of time.

Thus, the act of playing itself is inherently joyful, yet one experiences distress due to the presence of concepts and ideas. These concepts and ideas, in turn, engender a sense of unhappiness.

The behavior that impedes one's ability to engage in leisure activities.

As posited by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, an understanding of the relationship between feelings and the self can be achieved through the use of the expression "I (feel) ... because I ..."

It is crucial to differentiate between feelings and thoughts. When conveying emotions, it is appropriate to use the phrase "I feel," whereas when articulating thoughts, it is more accurate to say "I think."

The articulation of one's emotions in a lucid and precise manner represents a highly efficacious mode of self-expression. It has the capacity to evoke a sense of empathy in others and serves to exemplify the fundamental commonality that exists between human beings.

We will now proceed to an analysis of the second part.

I am unable to decline.

Is it because I wish to play myself, or because I have promised to play with her?

I have committed to playing with her. What factors contribute to this decision?

I experience a sense of obligation and a concomitant sense of guilt. I feel obliged to accommodate the other person's emotional needs and I feel guilty because I am aware that my refusal will result in disappointment and upset.

As previously stated, one must consider the influence of thoughts on feelings and vice versa.

It is necessary to elucidate the nature of my feelings, thoughts, concepts, and needs.

Engaging in play elicits a positive emotional state.

Engaging in play elicits a positive emotional state.

I do not wish to engage in play continuously. I believe it is also important for me to pursue other activities, such as academic study.

In this regard, it is my hope that my actions will not affect the mood of the other person, and that I will be able to take care of myself.

An alternative option would be to engage in play for a designated period of time, followed by a 30-minute interaction with you. This approach allows for the fulfilment of both parties' needs, as it enables me to experience positive emotions while also meeting your expectations.

If one experiences feelings of rejection, it can be a highly distressing experience. This stress is internal and arises from past emotional experiences. It is important to address and resolve these issues in order to achieve emotional well-being.

Additional topics of interest include:

Expressing one's needs can be dangerous.

The act of refusing others will inevitably result in significant repercussions.

In the context of my own needs and the needs of others, the needs of others are given precedence.

The recuperative process will require an extended period of time.

The questioner demonstrates a high level of competence.

My name is Kelly, and I am a professional in the field of emotional intelligence.

After reviewing your inquiry, I would like to offer a few suggestions that I believe will be beneficial.

The questioner is a critical thinker. Indulging in games will prevent them from considering these issues in depth.

Thinking is the foundation of awareness. To avoid becoming entangled, we recommend trying the following methods.

It is important to recall the words of Yale psychologist Wang Jiao, who stated that "from an evolutionary perspective, decision-making ability is the last thing to evolve in our human brain."

This is why the majority of individuals make decisions based on emotional and instinctive factors.

Three "Unfavorable" Decision-Making Behaviors:

1. Emotional

For instance, the questioner initially considers their own feelings. Participation in gaming is driven by enjoyment and willingness to engage, which are positive motivators.

The key issue is your own emotional response, regardless of whether you attend the event by yourself or if a friend asks you to go.

The sooner we recognize that relationships between colleagues are emotional, the sooner we will understand that we are taking a "leap of faith" on an ongoing basis.

Once the process is initiated, it will become evident that there is no viable alternative. This may result in the perception that one is being "controlled" and led by one's friends.

Many individuals unknowingly develop such habits over time, which can result in a lack of clarity regarding their identity and sense of self.

One day, your colleague will still feel uncomfortable because of your refusal.

Typically, those who persevere in the face of such circumstances find themselves in a situation akin to the following:

1. Either accept the situation or terminate the relationship.

2. The only remaining options are to remain best friends or to terminate the relationship.

It should be noted that these examples are somewhat extreme, but they are not uncommon.

It is possible to train yourself to respond in a more constructive manner.

1. There are times when it is preferable to take the initiative and extend an invitation to colleagues rather than waiting for them to extend one to you.

2. Once the other party has extended an invitation, it is advisable to ascertain whether the activity in question aligns with your preferences and interests. If it does, you should be willing to attend and enjoy yourself.

3. Conversely, at this time I am not inclined to participate, and I have learned to decline.

4: We actively work to enhance our awareness of our own emotions and take responsibility for our actions.

5. It is important to maintain boundaries.

While acting on emotions may provide temporary relief, it can have a detrimental impact on future decision-making. Without a foundation of independent ideas, it becomes challenging to maintain calm and objectivity. Following a pattern without consideration can lead to long-term damage to the relationship.

[Learn a methodology]

Many individuals lack the ability to make independent decisions and rely on others for guidance.

For example, some colleagues see that others enjoy reading, and they want to read the same books as the others.

It is acceptable if the books the other person likes happen to be the same ones you like. However, if you do not enjoy the books when you choose them because the other person is the leader and likes them, then it is unlikely that you will derive any enjoyment from reading.

It is therefore important to consider your preferences and values before making a decision.

Many individuals in the workforce simply transition from one task to the next, and if the outcome is favorable, they become complacent; if the outcome is unfavorable, they blame their own misfortune.

Those who make decisions without methodological support are essentially engaging in "gambler's thinking" and "lottery thinking." This approach often leads to quick success and instant gains, as well as blaming others for one's misfortunes.

If we are aware, we will consider whether the idea originated with us or with someone else.

For instance, the inquirer will consider the following:

1. For example, if a colleague extends an invitation to engage in a game, it is not always clear whether you are interested in participating.

If you are not interested in attending, kindly decline. When you learn to prioritize your own needs, you will find it easier to make decisions without feeling conflicted.

2. Following the activity, a positive emotional state will be experienced, but the passage of time will result in a return to the original state.

It is also possible to waste time unintentionally. Ultimately, however, it is up to the individual to decide how they spend their time and to accept responsibility for the choices they make.

It is not feasible to allow others to waste your time unnecessarily.

3: If I choose to play, is it because I want to play or because I have committed to playing with her?

Therefore, when she arrived to extend the invitation, I experienced a certain degree of unease.

I have previously encountered this question. The inquirer is a perceptive individual who thinks critically. Further reflection will undoubtedly yield a solution.

[Worrying beforehand and regretting afterwards]

This is a common challenge that many individuals face as they navigate the complexities of adulthood. It often leads to indecisiveness when making initial decisions and subsequent regret after a brief period.

For example, a colleague accepted a position that aligned with their professional goals. However, after starting the role, they began to demonstrate a lack of commitment.

Prior to departure, it is advisable to ascertain your motivation for attending and to record the reasons for your decision.

Additionally, document the reasons for your reluctance to attend.

Select the option with the greater number of reasons, as this will facilitate a clear recollection of your decision.

To illustrate, some individuals experience romantic attachment, which can result in the dissolution of the relationship.

Instead of initially assessing her performance, she begins to question her decision.

It is simple to attribute this to external factors or to succumb to self-doubt.

You may wish to consider adopting a similar approach and reflecting on your own position.

When faced with a dilemma, it is often advisable to choose the option that minimizes potential loss. This may entail foregoing a course of action that carries a certain degree of risk or uncertainty.

It would be more beneficial to consider potential solutions or learn from past experiences in a timely manner.

As you correctly observed, declining the invitation will likely result in feelings of disappointment and regret for both parties. Additionally, it may lead to feelings of pressure and guilt for the individual who declines.

As you correctly observed, the frequency of the invitations is not the issue. However, given that she plays more than you, she should be aware that her invitations are becoming excessive.

1. The individual who requests your consideration of whether repeated invitations will have an impact on you.

Does she wish to consider this and experience negative emotions as a result?

2. Is her happiness a priority, or is your own happiness a priority?

3: Is there a rationale for consistently meeting her demands to avoid disappointing her?

4. To reiterate, we should follow our feelings and choices.

It is not possible to guarantee that our actions will result in the happiness of others. However, we can ensure that we are happy ourselves.

I am pleased to inform you that I am happy.

I would like to take this opportunity to extend my warmest regards to the world and to express my affection for you.

I would like to take this opportunity to extend my love and best wishes to the world at large.

Hello!

You seem to be in a conflict. Should you refuse to engage with others? Why did you refuse? What is your core belief?

If you refuse others, you'll feel bad and anxious.

Do we have to wear a mask to fit in? A personality mask is how you present yourself. You want to make a good impression by doing things that make others think you are a certain kind of person.

As they say, "In this world, we rely on acting skills."

We all want to be true to ourselves so we can get along with others.

What is the real self? Is not taking the initiative and not rejecting things it?

We call it a mask because we don't accept this kind of self. We are forced by circumstances to be such people.

It's a kind of self-coercion that rejects oneself.

Your true self is the same, no matter who you're with. You just show different sides of yourself to different people.

Being outgoing doesn't mean you're not an introvert. Pleasing someone doesn't mean you're without dignity. You're still the same person.

Truth is better than goodness. Change is a spiral.

Dear Sir/Madam, From your description, it is evident that you are still quite young. It is commendable that at such a young age, you are already able to perceive your inner conflicts and explore your own self. This is a positive step towards understanding yourself better, rather than simply going through life without questioning it. Best regards, [Name]

It is not uncommon to be uncertain about one's thoughts or desires. This is due to the fact that we are continuously making decisions, such as when deciding whether or not to write down inner confusion, how to express it, or whether to accept a friend's invitation to play a game.

Some decisions are straightforward and involve only our own interests. For instance, whether to continue playing games while preparing for an exam, or whether to play familiar games or new games. However, when it comes to decisions that affect other people and relationships, we tend to think more carefully and find it more challenging to make a decision. This is because we consider not only our own feelings but also the intentions of others and their potential reaction to our actions. We evaluate whether we are willing to accept and face the consequences of our decision. This seems to be the source of your dilemma.

In light of the above, you may gain a deeper understanding of your own dilemma and avoid self-blame.

Please consider the following scenario: If you were alone, would you be willing to play this game at this moment? If you know your friend is playing, would you be willing to join her?

If the answer is negative, it may be the case that your feelings of distress are not so much about whether you should play the game, but rather about whether you can decline the requests of your friends. In this instance, the subject of your self-exploration may become "how to decline the requests of friends without affecting our relationship."

To gain a deeper understanding of yourself, it is essential to closely examine your feelings, such as those experienced during the game, the unease when declining a friend's request, the frustration and sadness after repeatedly agreeing to a friend's request, and so on. These feelings present invaluable insights into your inner self. If you are open to doing so, you can also explore them with a counselor. The more you understand yourself, the easier it will be to accept yourself, and the more gradually your concerns and distress will dissipate from your life.

Hello, questioner.

It seems that you may be experiencing some confusion regarding relationships, and you often find yourself vacillating when it comes to whether or not to decline your friends' invitations to spend time together.

It seems that you have also studied some psychology and are aware that respecting your own feelings is important. The challenge you're facing is that you may not fully understand your feelings, and it seems that your feelings are somewhat distant from you.

Yes, in today's world, where psychology is more widely known, many people have come to value their own feelings and follow them. I'm glad you asked this question, which shows that you're not just blindly thinking you know something after picking it up. It's clear that you experience your own feelings and are sincere. You may not fully understand what you feel, but you can courageously bring it up.

It can be challenging to align our lives with our intentions when we hear so many compelling reasons, yet still find ourselves unable to make decisions. It's important to recognize that reasons, while valuable, cannot fully substitute for our personal feelings and experiences.

Could I suggest that you might benefit from taking more time to decide whether you really want to hang out with your friend when he invites you? I wonder if it might be the case that you haven't paid much attention to your feelings since you were a child. When you were growing up, you may have ignored your feelings under external pressure when making choices many times, and gradually your feelings became less and less clear.

It can be challenging to rediscover your own feelings. I can suggest a few strategies that might help.

When faced with a choice, such as when friends invite you out, it might be helpful to take a moment to consider your options. Perhaps you could try excluding the factor of friendship and ask yourself whether you would be willing to go if you were going on your own.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether you would go if someone else invited you, or if it weren't for these activities.

You might also consider trying a different approach when he invites you. For instance, you could agree this time, but not the next, and observe how your feelings change when you make different decisions.

As a second option, you might consider making some daily records, writing down the emotions you felt about some small things that day. While writing, you could take the time to carefully review and experience the feelings at that time.

If your friend invites you out, you might consider writing down how you feel after you have declined or accepted the invitation.

Third, you might consider practicing feeling on a regular basis. One approach could be to purchase or create mood cards and revisit them often to reflect on how you felt at that time.

You might consider using meditation to carefully experience your inner feelings in a quiet state. You may also wish to try expressing your feelings in words when talking to others.

My name is Haru Aoki, and I just wanted to say that I love you all, the world over.

Hello.

A pat on the shoulder. No rush. You don't need to force yourself to behave appropriately. Just allow yourself to stay in the feelings you're having, whether they're fear or confusion. When you learn to accept your emotions, you'll discover what you really want.

I need to learn to detect my emotions in time so I don't become anxious and worried. What should I do?

I know I should start with my own feelings and follow my heart to say no when I don't want to. But I often don't know if I really want to say no.

For example, when a friend invites me to play games, I know I don't always want to play. I have fun for a while, but I eventually want to move on to something else.

I choose to play because I want to, not because I promised to. When she invites me, I feel uneasy, and I'm not sure why.

Our sense of boundaries is often unclear, stemming from a vague sense of boundaries with our family members in childhood. Our emotions are also intertwined and complicated, making it impossible for us to clearly identify our true emotions. Repressing too much makes it difficult to promptly identify our inner feelings when we come into contact with the outside world during our growth process. Internalizing other people's feelings and actions as part of our own makes it harder to perceive our own feelings.

For example, if a child is constantly exposed to arguments between their parents, they will often express their anxiety and fear by crying. Parents who are not aware of this will scold their child afterwards, saying things like, "What are you crying for? What's there to cry about?"

"Because you cry, there is no peace in the house all day long. You are really useless!" and other venting words.

Children grow up with the subconscious belief that they are to blame for conflicts and bad things happening to them. They feel a deep sense of self-blame, but is this really the case?

Children cry because they feel complex negative emotions such as fear, anxiety, and fear of abandonment. They don't know how to express these emotions, so they believe that their parents have their own reasons for fighting. In a child's world, parents are perfect. When parents blame the child again, the child is even more convinced that they are responsible for the parents' quarrel.

Let's address the original question. When a friend comes to play a game with you, are you also particularly attracted to and interested in the game? Some friends mistakenly think this is a sign of releasing "great affection," and they're even more willing to invite you to play together. But with this perception, you're afraid of showing "affection" and are in the middle stage of "wanting to play together."

Once you can see your true feelings, you can start by choosing to accept your true emotions. Accepting the present moment means that when you face a friend's "invitation" again, you won't feel "difficult" or feel forced to make a choice. Instead, you will have more room to express yourself. You can express your need to play, or you can tell the other person that you may not be able to persevere if you feel tired, and hope that the other person will understand. When you are clear about how you will respond, the friend will understand, and she will be able to better gauge and adjust her own expectations and emotions. In this way, everyone can be responsible for their own emotions and feelings, and get along harmoniously, feeling relaxed and free.

I need to learn how to recognize my true feelings.

From an early age, we make our grades our primary goal. If our parents cannot maintain a high level of cognitive and emotional awareness, they will not be able to develop their children's emotional self-awareness. This is because we are accustomed to ignoring our feelings, which gradually makes us lose touch with our true selves. To regain our emotional self-awareness, we must learn to pay attention to ourselves again and find it by giving support and affirmation to our feelings.

For example, when we face problems or choices, we can and should cultivate a dialogue with ourselves. We should ask ourselves, "How do I feel? Am I sad or happy?"

Our ability to feel will become stronger and stronger as we give acceptance and respond to our real feelings. When we face a problem again, our feelings will respond clearly to ourselves.

Second, you can also discover your own strengths and affirm your own merits, which will enhance your sense of self-worth. When internal conflicts arise and too many emotions become entangled, it is usually because we are afraid to affirm our own inner needs. This is because we are influenced by low self-esteem, which prevents us from accepting the needs of our true self. Instead, we feel emotions such as fear and terror. The reason for this is to become the ideal parent that we want to be, to pay attention to our own needs, and to accept ourselves. This is the growth need to break away from the influence of low self-esteem and one's original family and become an independent self.

Best wishes!

Hello!

From what you've told me, it seems like you're feeling two different things at once. It's totally normal to have conflicting emotions like this! It's the differences between them that make it tricky to know what to do.

Oh, this is a tough one! Should you accept or reject this friend's invitation?

This might be a sign of how you feel about this friend. It seems like you have some mixed feelings about her. If you really like and care about her, it might be easier to navigate these feelings.

If you agree to go out and play with her, you might not be sure whether you really want to go out and play or whether you're just agreeing to her request. This can sometimes reflect a bit of a power struggle between you. Have you ever thought about a past relationship you had with someone, such as a parent or teacher, and how a similar situation might have arisen?

And when you bring the past relationship model into the present relationship, you might find that the same kind of conflict arises.

In this case, you can remind yourself that your relationships now are different from what they were in the past. You've grown up a lot, and you can make decisions based on what's going on in your life right now.

2. Play or cherish time?

This reflects the relationship between work and rest. We all know that sometimes we have to work hard and study hard, and sometimes we just need to rest and relax!

Absolutely! We should follow our hearts when making decisions. Our bodies know when we need to rest and recharge, and we can also recognize when we need to study and learn more.

It's totally normal to feel torn between these two voices! One says, "Don't waste time, study hard, and work hard," while the other says, "I need to rest too, I'm so tired."

These two voices can sometimes feel like they're competing with each other, and it's totally normal to feel like the first voice might still win out in the end. You might be afraid of being criticized for wasting time and feeling like you need to work hard. Where does this voice come from?

It's so important to calm down, relax our body and mind, and then listen to what our body is saying. We can also use meditation to become aware of the thoughts in our mind, all kinds of judgments, and then find our own feelings and reasonable thoughts.

Ultimately, you've got to make reasonable choices and stop obsessing. I know it's tough, but you can do it!

Hello, question asker. I can see you're feeling confused. I'm here to support you!

You're going through some behavioral challenges. Let me give you another warm hug.

You're asking whether you should focus on your own needs or those of others.

I used to be just like you, afraid to say no to other people's requests.

This is because in my family of origin, my father often taught me to consider other people's needs.

But then I saw a problem with that.

It can be really exhausting to always put other people's needs above your own.

In a situation like yours, you can ask yourself, "Do you really want to play games with your friend?"

If you really want to play games with her, then agree to her.

If you only agree to play games with her because you feel like you have to, you can find a reason to turn her down instead of getting distracted while you're playing.

Otherwise, if you say no to her games, she might keep inviting you.

Even the best of friends need their own space.

There's no need to compromise yourself and play games with her just to cater to her needs.

If you really struggle to say no, it might be because of your own family background.

If this is the case, I suggest you look into professional psychological counseling.

I really hope you can resolve the issue you're having soon.

That's all I can think of at the moment.

I hope my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you. I'm the one who responded, and I'm learning something new every day.

At Yiyi Psychology, we love you and your family. Best wishes!

Dear Question Asker, My name is Wang Li, and I am a psychological counselor. I can sense the internal conflict you are experiencing based on your question. There may be two underlying reasons for this conflict:

1. When presented with an invitation from a colleague, it is not always clear what the best course of action is. When invited to play games, for example, one may be happy to accept, but the time commitment involved may be a concern. This can lead to uncertainty about whether or not to accept the invitation, and potential feelings of conflict.

2. You feel compelled to accept your friends' invitations, even when you are not inclined to do so. Consequently, you are reluctant to decline, even when you have no desire to attend.

To avoid such conflicts and dilemmas, consider the following two tips.

1. Have your own understanding and thoughts about the things you want to do. In many cases, you cannot make a decision because the things you want to do have both pros and cons, which leads to internal conflicts. For example, playing games can relax and bring happiness, but it also takes time. At this time, you have to balance what you need most at the moment or your feelings, and then make a decision based on your needs, rather than wavering, so as to avoid being stuck because you can't make up your mind.

2. When presented with an invitation from a colleague, you should have the courage to decline on the basis of following your own professional preferences and respecting your own opinions and thoughts. You should cultivate an accurate understanding of the concept of "declining an invitation": it is not a sign of being unable to do something or of being unfriendly towards others.

Admitting when something is difficult to accomplish is a responsible act. It avoids wasting the other person's expectations, delays the other person's time, and avoids personal issues. Understand your true thoughts. Don't always force yourself to do the things you like. Suppressing yourself for too long will accumulate negative emotions.

Individuals who are more mature are less likely to accept everything wholeheartedly. The ability to decline offers a valuable skill that should be developed.

I hope my advice will be of assistance to you so that you will no longer experience internal conflict. Best regards,

Hello!

From your description, I can see that you're unsure whether to accept your friend's invitation. It's clear that you're conflicted about whether you want to keep your promise or if you really want to hang out with her. However, your friend will invite you a lot when you hang out together, which makes you feel embarrassed to refuse the invitation and causes some conflict.

I'm going to give you a few pieces of advice, depending on the situation.

You must choose whether to accept or decline based on your own needs.

Your friend often invites you because you play games together. Accept the invitation. If you need to play games to be happy, then you should accept the invitation.

If you feel you'll be in trouble if you only have an hour to play, you have to interrupt your friend's invitation.

If you have already made a plan with him, then just keep your promise. You'll feel better for it.

Refusing a friend's invitation is not as bad as you think.

You may feel that it is bad to refuse your friends, and feel guilty or apologetic. However, you need to understand that if you always accommodate your friends, you are also very unhappy.

You may feel happy when you hang out, but you're also wasting time. Don't blame your friends for this. It will only affect your friendship. Friendships also need a sense of boundaries, not accommodation.

Friends should have other people to play with besides you. When you refuse his request, he probably won't blame you. Everyone has things to do.

I am confident this will be helpful. Best regards!

Hello, question asker. I can see that you are going through a challenging time and I appreciate your ability to reflect on your situation. I believe there are two key areas that require further exploration.

Could I ask what your unease is really about?

You say you feel vaguely uneasy when your friends come to visit because you think that playing is wrong in itself? Do you feel that it is a waste of time?

It is said that the way of the warrior and the way of the scholar is to relax and unwind. Games that are appropriate for you can help to relax the body and mind. However, if you overdo it, it can really "lead to a loss of ambition" and affect your studies or work. If you feel that you are addicted to games, then your unease can keep you awake. If you feel guilty about having fun, then it is possible that you are setting too high of standards for yourself, and you can make appropriate adjustments.

Could I ask you to consider the nature of your guilt?

It seems that you are a very understanding person who cares about other people's feelings and puts their needs first. This is a wonderful quality, but it might be helpful to consider whether you have a healthy sense of self-worth. Do you feel most valuable when you are needed?

Confucius said, "Three friends are beneficial, three friends are harmful. It would be beneficial to have a friend who is straightforward, a friend who is forgiving, and a friend who is knowledgeable."

Friendly and soft, friendly and pliable, friendly and flattering (nìng), detrimental indeed. It would be beneficial for you to define your own value, as this will help you to understand what kind of friends you need. Once you know your own value, you will be better able to manage your time, and you will no longer be torn between how to refuse and whether you are embarrassed.

I'm a psychological counselor, Zhang Huili. I hope my answer can be of some help to you. If you find it useful, I'd be grateful if you could click like and leave a comment.

Hello, I'm responding to your question.

From what you've said, it seems like you're worried about turning down your friend's invitation. This might be because you're concerned that rejection will upset him or make him think less of you. Or, you might have been rejected in the past, so you're worried about how it'll affect you. I can relate to how you're feeling.

If you're afraid of rejecting others, you might end up suppressing your own needs and feelings. This can lead to a "pleasing personality type" where you put the feelings and needs of others first, which isn't good for your own growth. This fear of rejection might also be related to your original family or a low sense of self-identity. It could also be a lack of confidence in yourself, and a fear that rejection will lead to others disliking and disapproving of you.

Here's how to solve it:

[1] Figure out what you want and need, and then decide if you should say no.

If someone invites you to do something, you can ask yourself if you want to do it and if you're willing to do it. Think about whether you enjoy the process, whether you feel any joy, etc., and whether you really have such a need. If you don't want to, you can politely refuse to avoid causing harm to others.

[2] Refusal is a right, and it's not a bad thing.

Everyone has the right to say no. If we don't do things according to our own inner thoughts or can't meet the other person's needs, we can also say our refusal in a tactful way. This is an act of respecting boundaries and a way of showing that we can take responsibility for ourselves. It does not mean bad behavior.

[3] Build your confidence, develop your identity, and learn to take responsibility for yourself.

In this case, we don't have to worry about how rejection makes us feel. We have our own confidence and sense of worth. We can also identify with ourselves, know what we should do to meet our own needs, and know that this is a sign of taking responsibility for ourselves. Building self-confidence can help us become stronger, more courageous, and more confident in who we are.

Finally, learn to say no, but also see what kind of results it brings after saying no. In fact, after saying no, it doesn't produce particularly bad results, but we just magnify the results. It's not that bad. If after saying no, it affects your friendship, it means that the relationship is not worth it and cannot stand the test. Don't let yourself down, learn to see your own feelings and needs, and enhance your sense of self-identity. This is a manifestation of loving yourself and will not make you live too oppressively.

I hope this is helpful for you.

Hello, I'm Liang Qingyou, and I'm thrilled to be here!

I'm excited to talk about what you're struggling with! You understand that when a person acts or speaks, they do so based on their feelings. Well, that is indeed the case!

But you may not really understand this yet, and it may just be something you know intellectually.

You know why I think that? Because you said I should follow my heart and refuse when I don't want to do something!

You see, you used the word "should." Many of our anxieties and worries come precisely from the "shoulds" in our minds. I've done so much for this family, my husband should be nice to me; I've done my best for my friend, next time I ask her for help, she should help; I check my child's homework every day and tell him to pay attention in class every day, he should pay attention in class... But here's the thing: I'm going to stop using the word "should"! I'm going to start using the word "can" instead!

In fact, we often fail to achieve what we think we "should" achieve. But here's the good news: we can change this! We can stop demanding things from others and start focusing on what we want. When we do this, we'll find that we're the ones who benefit the most.

The world of "shoulds" or "the ideal way we imagine things." Wouldn't it be great if they hadn't judged me? Wouldn't it be fantastic if the leader hadn't gotten so angry? Wouldn't it be incredible if I hadn't taken the bus today after losing my phone? Wouldn't it be amazing if I hadn't agreed to help him with that?

You see, almost all discomfort is brought about by "shoulds."

Next, I'll try to respond to your question: If I choose to play, is it because I want to play or because I promised to play with her? When a friend invites you, how do you choose based on your feelings?

I've got a great criterion for judgment: just follow the first thought that comes to mind without overthinking it! Before we can conduct a detailed analysis of the pros and cons of the first thought, it's almost the true voice of our hearts.

Of course, your first thought may change. Take your game of ping-pong as an example. Suppose you follow your first thought and play with your friend. At first, you are very happy and enjoy yourself, but after a while, you feel uneasy. What an opportunity for growth!

Go for it! Don't hesitate to stop playing. Your feelings are your guide. If you're unhappy and uneasy, stop immediately.

Respecting your own feelings is the same as respecting yourself. And the more you respect your feelings, the more inner certainty you will gain! The more inner certainty you have, the more self-confidence and sense of control you will have.

You say refusing a friend will make her sad and disappointed, and I will also feel stressed and guilty. Absolutely! We all need friendship and friends at every stage of life.

But here's the good news! If you spend your time and energy on other things, such as playing table tennis or badminton, you will gain new friendships with your ball-playing friends!

Is that so?