One knows they lack communication skills yet want me to think for them; what to do?

Dear questioner, I get it. Communication challenges like this can be tough to navigate.

But don't worry, this isn't an unsolvable problem. Let's look at some possible solutions together.

First of all, I get the feeling that she's not sure how to communicate effectively, so she's hoping you can give her some tips on how to respond. This isn't about you thinking for her, but more about you being a supportive guide on her learning journey.

Let's try to communicate with her in a warmer and kinder way and encourage her to share her thoughts and feelings.

I'd like to share a quick story about communication to help you out. Imagine you're sitting on a park bench chatting with a friend on a sunny afternoon.

Your friend might be feeling a bit nervous and unsure of how to respond. In that case, you could gently hold her hand and say something like, "Don't worry, I'm here, you can take your time."

Support and encouragement like this can really help her to relax and feel more confident. You can also encourage your coach in the same way, so that she feels more at ease and comfortable in communication.

From a psychological standpoint, communication is a complex and wonderful social interaction process. It involves cognition, emotion, motivation, and other aspects.

Sometimes, we may feel confused or dissatisfied with the other person's communication style, but in fact, their concerns and anxieties may be hidden behind it. It's important to try to understand and accept her feelings, and to comfort and encourage her with warm words.

You could say something like, "I've noticed you're having a bit of trouble communicating, but I believe you'll be able to overcome these challenges. I'll always be here to support you and help you improve."

OK, let's tackle the communication issues between you and her. You feel her communication style leaves you a bit dissatisfied and troubled, and she may also feel insecure about her communication skills.

I think you should try the following:

First, pick a time and place where you'll feel comfortable sharing your feelings and needs with her. Let her know that you're hoping to improve mutual understanding and respect in your communication.

Also, ask her to share her thoughts and feelings so you can better understand her needs. For example, you could say, "I've noticed that there are some communication barriers, and I hope we can work together to find better ways to communicate.

"Would you like to share your thoughts and feelings with me?"

Second, try to give her more specific and clear feedback and suggestions. When she has problems communicating, you can point them out in a calm way and give her specific suggestions.

For instance, you could say, "I think you could be a bit clearer when expressing your views so that I can understand you better. Perhaps you could try using simpler vocabulary or more specific examples to illustrate your ideas."

You can also show her some specific communication skills and methods, like how to listen better to the other person and how to express your own views and feelings.

You can also suggest some practice sessions to help her improve her communication skills. For instance, you could suggest meeting for a cup of tea after the training to discuss how she feels and what she has learned.

This kind of interaction will help you understand each other better and also improve her communication skills.

If none of the above methods help with communication, you could try other ways of communicating with her. For example, you could try email or text messages so she has more time to think and prepare her response.

Dear questioner, I'm confident that with your combined efforts and communication, you'll find a solution that works for everyone. Remember, communication takes time and patience, and I believe you'll eventually find a way to communicate effectively.

Please be patient and understanding, and give her plenty of support and encouragement. Best of luck with your studies!

The lack of clarity in communication may be the main cause of misunderstanding and confusion. As a coach, she should be able to listen to the needs of her clients and provide appropriate suggestions and solutions from a professional perspective.

It is also important for clients to clearly express their expectations and needs so that the coach can better understand and develop a corresponding training plan. The following are some suggestions to help clients communicate more effectively with their coaches and achieve their fitness goals.

First, define your requirements. When communicating with your coach, clearly state your requirements and expectations.

For instance, you might inform your coach that you wish to enhance a specific aspect of your training regimen, such as physical strength and endurance. Additionally, you could also provide constructive feedback on certain training methods or movements that you find ineffective, allowing your coach to make targeted adjustments and improvements.

Secondly, communicate in a proactive manner. Should you be dissatisfied with a particular teaching method or communication style employed by your coach, it is advisable to communicate this in a timely manner.

You should be open with your coach about any challenges or confusion you may have, so that he can better understand your needs. At the same time, you should also respect his expertise and experience, and listen to his suggestions and advice.

Third, implement a positive feedback mechanism. Providing timely feedback to the coach allows for a better understanding of how the teaching methods are perceived.

Should some methods prove ineffective or fail to yield the desired outcomes, you are encouraged to raise this with your coach and explore alternative solutions together. Through active interaction and feedback, you can gradually establish more effective communication methods.

Finally, it is important to be patient and understanding. Given the differences in communication styles and cognitive abilities, it may take time and effort to identify the optimal communication approach for both parties.

It is important to maintain an open mind, understand the coach's intentions, and consider his responses and suggestions from his perspective.

In short, effective communication with your trainer is one of the keys to achieving your fitness goals. By clearly defining your expectations, communicating proactively, providing positive feedback, and demonstrating patience and understanding, you can establish a better working relationship and achieve better training results.

It is important to remember that communication is a two-way process, and that both parties must contribute to its success. The expertise and experience of the trainer are also valuable assets, and should be considered alongside your own efforts and understanding. You can listen to the trainer's advice and make adjustments based on your own situation.

Hello!

You've had negative experiences with this coach. Here are some comments for you to look at:

It's natural to feel resistance and negative experiences like "I might snap at a coach" or "a coach who talks a lot can drive me crazy."

You said, "I should tell her directly how she should respond to me."

If they don't understand you, you might feel frustrated and confused.

A coach who doesn't understand you may neglect you or disrespect you, which can make you resistant.

The coach's indifference and disregard for others' feelings makes it difficult for you to communicate and build a relationship with them.

When you feel bad, your mind makes you resistant to bad interactions to protect your mental health.

Communication with a coach who is unaware and unsympathetic can be difficult. Try these tips to improve your relationship:

Stay calm.

Don't let negative thoughts and emotions affect your communication with the coach. Stay calm and rational, and avoid emotional responses.

Second, express your views directly.

Don't stay silent. Find a way to express your thoughts and opinions clearly.

Speak clearly and directly so the other person understands you.

You can also guide the conversation. While sharing your thoughts, encourage the other person to share theirs. This helps you understand each other better.

Try to see things from the other person's point of view.

Try to understand the other person's perspective, even if they have poor perception and empathy.

Try to find common ground with the coach to improve understanding and trust.

Seek help from a third party.

If you can't resolve the issue, ask the gym director or another coach to help.

Hope this helps!

Hello! I just wanted to say that I felt a bit "choked" when I read what the female instructor said.

On the one hand, she seems to be expressing the attitude of "I value you and I want to meet your needs," which is great! But this expression also implies a sense of accomplishing tasks, which can sometimes feel a bit overwhelming. On the other hand, she seems to be putting the responsibility of two-way communication on you alone, which can feel a bit unfair. It's not that I don't want to, but I may not have thought of it, so you just tell me what you want to hear, and both your goals and mine will be achieved... As the person involved, you can imagine how uncomfortable you feel.

It also seems that communication with female trainers has caused you problems more than once, which is totally understandable! I don't know if this trainer has the same pattern in all interpersonal interactions. If so, it may be very difficult to make her change significantly, but I'm sure you'll find the right way to work with her.

And if you've put a lot of effort into her change, it's only natural to feel a little disappointed and frustrated. After all, the original benefit of fitness is to gain a positive experience for the body and mind. It would be such a shame if your plan was disrupted due to some personal problems of the instructor.

It might be helpful to think about what you need from your instructor. If you really want a certified, experienced instructor to lead you in Pilates, and other things are less important, you could try adjusting your expectations of her to see if it gets better. For example, when we work on a project with someone who is emotionally isolated and avoids emotional communication, we will try to take advantage of their strengths (such as technical ability), put them in a position with corresponding single goals, and lower our expectations of the degree of interpersonal connection, without giving them broader responsibilities.

Of course, you can also think about your bottom line and let the other person know about it. If you feel that your bottom line has been offended, you might want to consider suspending your cooperation with this instructor for a while, doing training in other projects first, resuming Pilates practice when there is a new instructor, or asking the gym leader to coordinate.

If you feel comfortable doing so, you can also let the instructor know how you're feeling and what you'd like. For instance, you could say something like, "Pilates is about more than just the physical movements and postures. It's also about connecting and harmonizing the body and mind, and balancing the body. I'd love for you to pay attention to both the physical and emotional aspects of the class. I feel a bit neglected right now, and I'd really appreciate it if you could ask me more about how I'm feeling during the training and what kind of help I need."

Dear Teacher Tian Tian, I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm a bit of an old skinny donkey, but I'm eager to learn and grow. Best regards, [Name]

In business, we will interact with a diverse range of individuals, each with their own communication styles. While everyone communicates differently, focusing on our own feelings and needs may help us to navigate interactions more effectively.

The use of euphemisms in messages may or may not convey warmth. If the other person typically avoids euphemisms, it may be perceived as resistance. Colleagues who typically have a positive relationship with me will occasionally engage in disagreements when sending messages. However, such instances are less common in face-to-face communication. You may wish to consider modifying your communication style.

If you request this of your teacher on a daily basis, you may perceive her as more considerate or you may be concerned that your own preconceptions will impact the effectiveness of your fitness. Is the other person's reminder motivated by goodwill? Has there been any previous occasion where her lack of understanding has affected the teacher's experience?

Individuals possess varying strengths. Some excel in interpersonal relationships, while others demonstrate proficiency in tasks requiring rigorous effort and may exhibit less aptitude for communication. The teacher can endeavor to comprehend the primary objective of seeking her assistance and may consider placing her attitude in a secondary position.

It would be beneficial to gain an understanding of the individual who typically serves as the coach. In addition to being somewhat lacking in social grace, is the coach content with their proficiency in business skills? It is important to recognize that nobody is perfect, and therefore, it would be advantageous to view the other person's performance with a degree of objectivity.

Does the other person know that their communication style is causing the teacher, as a customer, to feel unhappy? I once had a colleague who made me very unhappy when communicating. I told him that his language made me feel like he was ordering me around. He then sincerely apologized, saying that he was used to speaking that way and hadn't realized that it was causing distress. He said that he would change in the future.

It may be beneficial for the teacher to express their feelings directly to the other person, which could result in a different experience.

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether you will feel rewarded when you teach others. For example, giving roses to others leaves your hands fragrant; it also helps you to exercise logic and think more about things. It is likely that any such experience would be positive.

Endurance is the key. If the questioner does not have a superior coach, they might as well try to look past the individual's shortcomings and see the value they bring to the table. Given her competence and helpfulness, they might as well let it go.

I would like to suggest the following reading material: "The Turning of a Single Thought" and "The Art of Communication."

Best regards,

Hi there, I'm Duoduo Lian, and I hope I can help you out with this.

I know of no other Pilates instructor with such a domineering attitude. It's a good thing to be her student, but it's also a lot of fun. She wants to communicate with people without internal conflict or suspicion, saving everyone's time, but she forgets that there needs to be an emotional connection between teacher and student.

Yoga is great for your body and your mood, and it's also a great aerobic exercise. In today's fast-paced world, women need to free themselves from the hassle of work, empty their minds, and cultivate their character. Meeting such a coach is also really inspiring. I'm feeling a lot of anger inside, and I don't know who or what is triggering it.

A lot of what she's feeling isn't about you. You don't have to get caught up in it. You're just a channel for her emotions, which will flow to the person she sees as the weaker party. There's only one coach, and she's paying a lot. Is she not getting what she wants, or are there obstacles in the family?

We all want to get fit and feel good when we spend money, but we never expect it to cause us trouble. What's even worse is that the coach won't let you vent. It's so depressing to feel so oppressed, to be made to suffer when you pay your fees, and to be unable to explain yourself even when you're in the right.

Why did she WeChat you before the class and make this request? She was pretty upset. She wanted to get the result directly. The problem is that if she says it out loud, will she be listened to? If not, she won't even know what happened. She's become the controlling coach, so how dare the student?

There's more to these words than meets the eye. I can sense the coach is angry and frustrated. In that case, it's worth having a good chat because the tuition fees you paid are worth it. Some misunderstandings are difficult for both parties if they are not clarified. What do you think?

She seems to respect you and want you to express your thoughts. You can also break her pattern. Thank the coach for respecting the student and being so humble. You're a professional coach, and it's not too late to listen to you. Give her recognition and satisfy her psychological needs.

As a coach, you'll not only teach your students, but you'll also be charismatic and influence others. Some teachers just improve their skills, ignore what's going on outside the window, and complete their teaching tasks. In fact, with so many choices in the market, they also need support.

Life is unpredictable. You don't get to choose who your coach is, so you might as well make the best of it and see how your professional life collides with hers. Life is a test in every situation. Practice and apply what you learn in life.

Knowing how to avoid being taken advantage of by others without letting it get in the way of your own success is all about being brave enough to express your needs, speak up for what you want, get results, and always have the choice and decision in your own hands.

Wishing you the best!

Hello Teacher Tian Tian!

I'm glad I can answer your question. You asked, "What do you do when someone knows they're not good at communicating, but wants you to do their thinking for them?"

"Give Miss Tiantian a hug, then we'll talk."

1. Introduction

1. The female coach

You said, "It's back to the female coach."

"Yesterday, she sent me a message on WeChat."

"In the future, tell her how she should respond to me or she might not think of it."

Female coach's text

The female coach sent you a WeChat message saying you should tell her how she should respond to your questions.

What should I do?

She probably means you should tell her what you want to know.

Otherwise, she won't know how to reply to make you happy.

This is to see the communication problems between you from her perspective.

2⃣️, opinion

You say, "That sentence sounds weird."

"Teach me the thinking work, and I'll teach her. She still has to think. I'll tell her; then she'll just copy the homework."

Strange

If you understand her, you'll think it's strange that she wants you to tell her what to say.

?? Shirk

You think she doesn't know how to communicate with you or the client. You need to teach her. She is shirking her responsibilities.

3⃣, emotions

You say, "With a coach like that, I might just snap. She's the only one who can teach me Pilates."

"What should I do with a female coach who often says things that make me angry?"

Breakdown

It's hard to communicate with a coach who doesn't listen. I understand how you felt.

You understand each other poorly. You both understand what the other person is saying, but you don't see eye to eye.

Unfortunately,

Your coach should be straightforward, but they often make you feel uncomfortable and angry.

2. Poor communication reasons

1⃣️ Different starting points

Starting point

The starting point is the basis for considering an issue. It determines the future and success or failure.

Starting points differ.

I don't know how you usually communicate. Judging from the coach's messages,

You think from different starting points. Everyone wants to think from their own position because it's easiest.

2. Ineffective listening

Listening

Listening is the first step in communicating with others. It involves perception, understanding, respect, and response. It is not just about hearing words; it is about understanding the speaker's meaning through verbal and non-verbal cues.

Listening is about receiving, understanding, and responding to information.

Ineffective listening

Listening is an important skill that helps build relationships, express emotions, facilitate learning, and problem solve. But if we misunderstand the other person or only understand our own information, we are not listening effectively.

Ineffective listening doesn't give the other person the right response. Both sides keep arguing.

You and the coach are not listening effectively.

3⃣️ Absolutist thinking

Absolutist thinking

Absolutist thinking sees things in two extremes, without much gray area. It views issues in black and white, without considering nuances or diversity.

Absolutist thinking uses "should or shouldn't" statements.

Personal preferences

People with an absolutist way of thinking think from their own perspective. They ignore objective facts and multiple considerations. Just as the teacher expressed his anger, we have already fallen into an emotional state. This affects our judgment of the coach's true intentions.

3. What to do

Empathic coaching

Empathy

Empathy is a method often used in communication. When conflicts arise, people should know how to put themselves in the other person's shoes to improve communication and resolve conflicts.

Empathic coaching

Empathy is putting yourself in someone else's shoes. It lets you go over your communication with the coach again, understand their feelings, and tell them what you understand. Then you can see if they understand you.

.

2. Consistent expression

Communication that is always the same.

Consistent communication is when what you say and do match your feelings. It treats the other person, the situation, and yourself with respect.

People who use this model are aware of their inner selves. They are balanced and have a high sense of self-worth.

Consistent Communication Patterns

These sentence patterns are used for consistent communication. You can communicate consistently after a period of time. The patterns are as follows:

When...

Describe the situation without accusations or emotions.

My feelings are...

Express your feelings.

I hope...

Specify what you want the other person to do, state your needs, and make your expectations clear.

I believe...

Describe something beautiful.

When teachers communicate consistently and align their feelings, actions, and words, the other party will understand them better. This will reduce misunderstandings, make communication easier, and improve relationships.

3⃣, Communicate on time.

Speak up.

Conflicts are normal in relationships. When they happen, talk to the person directly to resolve the issue. Don't ask someone else to speak for you because this can lead to misunderstandings.

Listen.

Listening is the first step to successful communication. We can only respond appropriately if we understand what the other person is saying.

Listening makes the other person feel respected and open to communicating with you.

Teacher, listening is a skill. It requires patience, an active and positive approach, and the ability to understand what someone is saying and how they act. This helps us communicate well and build good relationships. It's also good for our physical and mental health.

Happy New Year, Teacher!

Hello. I am Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who can make images speak.

The questioner has returned with a coach who has "low emotional intelligence." As we discussed, the questioner expressed frustration at the end of the last session, noting that this is not how a normal person should speak. Unfortunately, this coach is unable to do so.

The coach demands, "Just give the answer." She fails to realize that this will once again put you in a difficult position.

Her straightforwardness is undoubtedly challenging for you, given your sensitivity. You desire a caring, warm emotional connection, yet she often "freezes" you with cold results.

However, if you look at her WeChat messages from a different perspective, it's clear that this blunt person is preparing to learn how to speak with warmth.

You don't have to teach her how to speak. It's your choice. You want her to be professional when it comes to Pilates, so you ask her to be your coach. You tell her where your body hurts because you want her to protect you professionally.

A fitness coach can help you reduce physical injuries during exercise.

Some people will accompany you in your merrymaking with candy, but others will accompany you in your growth with thorns. She needs to work on her emotional intelligence and communication skills. You don't have to help her change, but you do have to protect yourself. Think of her as an obstacle on your path to growth. When you can't get around it, you can always wear "platform shoes" to get past it. In short, protecting yourself is definitely the most important thing.

Best wishes!

Take a moment to give yourself a hug!

It's normal to feel confused and frustrated when you're faced with such a situation. There are a few ways you can help yourself cope.

Be open and honest with your female trainer. Let her know how you feel about her WeChat message. Explain that you think she should think positively and solve problems independently, rather than relying on others to tell her what to do.

Let her know you're looking to build a relationship based on cooperation and mutual growth.

2. Give her advice and support: Even though she might have some communication and thinking deficits, you can still give her advice and support to help her improve these areas. You can encourage her to read relevant materials, attend training courses, or seek help from others to enhance her self-reflection and development.

3. Set clear expectations: When you're talking to her, make sure you're clear about what you expect from her. Explain that you want her to think independently and give guidance as a professional coach, rather than relying on others to tell her what to do.

This will help her understand what you're looking for and make her more aware of her behavior.

4. Find alternatives: If you can't seem to click with this female instructor, it might be time to look for someone else. She might be the only Pilates instructor around, but there are plenty of other ways to get your fitness fix.

5. Stay patient and calm: It's important to stay patient and calm when talking to her and dealing with the situation. Even if you're frustrated or disappointed, trying to solve the problem in a positive and constructive way can help you handle it better.

Above all, remember to respect your own feelings and needs when you're dealing with the situation. If you find that working with this female trainer is just not for you, it might be better to find another solution.