Parents often watch short videos and marketing accounts with the volume turned up loud. How do they get along?

Hello! Thank you so much for trusting the Yi Xinli platform. I'm An Dinghui, a listening therapist and national second-level psychological counselor, and I'm thrilled to be here with you today.

It's so great that you've shared that your father loves watching short videos at home and plays the sound very loud! I can imagine it can be a bit distracting, though. You're right to be concerned that in the long run, you might find it difficult to control your irritable mood. I'm sure you're not the only person who has experienced this in households with a large number of people. It's so interesting to hear how long this situation has been going on for.

I'm so impressed that you stick it out living under the same roof as your father and get along with him despite the constant interruptions!

You're concerned that if this persists, you might become mentally unwell and unable to control your irritability. It seems like you're really keen to manage your emotions, but there are also times when you just can't stand it. In your ongoing journey of getting along with your father, you've considered wearing headphones to help you manage your emotions. You've clearly put in a lot of effort! What exactly are these efforts?

You say that your father often makes jokes about serious topics, and you have to tell him to stop talking during meals. Even so, he still does it! How do you understand your father's behavior?

I'm excited to hear your ideas on how we can make my father reduce or stop this behavior! And, since the soundproofing in our home is also poor, I'd love to know if there's anything else we can do to improve the situation.

You mentioned that you don't want to be provoked by your father's remarks, and that he often makes jokes about serious topics. This makes me feel that you attach great importance to the attitude you should adopt when expressing your views on "serious topics," and I admire you for that!

You can still understand your father's situation from his perspective despite being annoyed by his loud voice. You said, "I would think that watching short videos is also the easiest way for him to relax and relieve stress, and you have no right to interfere." You are a sensible daughter who respects her father, and you're doing a great job!

If there is a way to let your father know that you respect him and understand his suffering, I'd love to hear what else you would try!

I'm excited to help you and explore solutions with you! The more we chat, the better I'll be able to help you. I'll be here waiting for you!

Hello, dear host! After reading your description of your problem, I just want to give you a big hug and tell you I'm here for you.

It's totally understandable that your father's habit of watching videos often leaves you feeling irritated and depressed. It's not easy to ask him to do what you want for various reasons, and it can be really tough to be in a state of constant internal torment and negative emotions.

I can imagine it's quite a tough spot to be in.

I'd love to share some of my experiences with you, in the hope that they'll be helpful.

It's so important to take care of yourself, always. From what you've told me, it seems like watching videos is your dad's way of having fun, so I get why you're bothered by it, even though you're worried about being seen as selfish. It's a tough spot to be in! I think it's worth asking yourself whether this is selfishness or just a sign that you don't love yourself enough. Loving yourself is knowing how to take care of yourself. You'll definitely respect your inner feelings and try to give back what you feel.

Even if it's our own parents who are getting in the way, it's important to remember that selfishness is when someone only thinks about themselves and doesn't consider the interests and thoughts of others.

Just imagine for a moment that you always ignored your own feelings and put up with your father. It would be so hard to keep on doing that, wouldn't it? You'd end up exploding with negative emotions in the long term. What would be the consequences?

So, my dear friend, only by taking care of yourself can you take care of others.

It's also important for family members to know how to set boundaries when getting along with each other. We often think that paying attention to boundaries only applies to colleagues, friends, or strangers, but really, everyone needs to know how to set and respect them.

It's not really scientific to think that family members don't need to pay attention to boundaries when getting along. Wouldn't it be great if we could all get along harmoniously in our families? That would be wonderful! It would be a family where everyone can do reasonable things within their own roles and knows how to take care of and interact with each other.

It's so sad to see how the landlord's father is not aware of the issues with how the family interacts. It's also sad to see that the landlord doesn't stand up for herself and her boundaries. It's so important for the landlord to speak up and express her feelings to her father so that he understands how his actions are affecting the family and can make changes.

Hello! I get it.

First, you need to accept your parents' habits. Whether they like to listen to loud music or like to talk a lot, as long as they are at home, let them be.

If the home has become a place of caution and prudence, then aren't parents also a bit stifled? It's really hard to say which is more important, your need for quiet or your parents' need to be outgoing.

Second, speak up and let your parents know what you need. You could say, "Mom and Dad, I'm trying to concentrate on this project, so could you turn the volume down a little so I can focus?"

It's also worth thinking about what your parents need. For instance, you could turn off your phone and say, "We haven't watched a movie together in a long time, so let's find a movie to watch today." I think this would go down well. In general, parents are supportive of their children when they're doing something important.

It's important to express your needs in a way that's respectful and doesn't blame anyone. Saying things like "the phone is too loud, it's annoying" might make your parents feel rejected and unhappy.

Everyone needs rest, and so do they. Why should they have to accommodate you?

Even if you express your needs as above, your parents might still do as they please. At this time, you need to find a different way to solve the problem you encounter. For example, when you need to be quiet, wear noise-cancelling headphones, or spend more time going out and about to reduce the intrusion of noise. The parents' living environment ultimately determines this problem. It may be that in their usual living environment, speaking loudly and openly is commonplace, but because you may be far away from this kind of life, you are not used to it.

Take it slow and steady. When you have the chance, take your parents out more, go to new places, and you might find some habits change on their own.

Finally, in addition to the above methods, you could also try solving your own annoyances directly. There might be other reasons why you're so annoyed.

If you can, it's best to find the cause. If not, just exercise more. It'll help reduce anxiety. Once that's under control, you'll be less bothered by the problems you encounter, and they'll be less of an issue.

I hope this is helpful!

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

From what I've seen, many people living with their parents have similar issues. We live in a smart society, and many elders have learned to watch short videos. Sometimes they watch for a few hours. They're outgoing people with the volume turned up, and they comment from time to time, wondering if other people will share their views and join in.

It's not uncommon for parents to watch short videos and scroll through social media with the volume turned up loud. How can we get along in this environment?

It's important to be able to express your thoughts directly.

The questioner is put off by their parents' behaviour, but they haven't expressed their true thoughts because of it, so their parents continue this behaviour.

I once lived with adults. When the child was doing homework, the elders turned the volume of the short video app to the maximum without considering that this behavior affected the child's learning. Adults aren't always self-disciplined, so how can a child of a few years old withstand temptation? The child couldn't concentrate on learning. Sometimes they listened to what was being said in the video and, if they heard something interesting, they wanted to go over and watch it. I spoke up because I noticed the child wasn't able to study seriously.

They speak up and let their elders know what they want. Their elders then feel that their actions have indeed affected their children, so they turn the volume down and go to their room to watch. So when parents' behavior affects them, the questioner can still try to raise it, let their parents know first, and then see if they are willing to make changes.

It's important to be aware of your emotions.

When we're not in a good mood, it seems like every sound is a nuisance, and it makes us feel pretty irritable. It's actually pretty normal for parents to watch short videos. We usually also look at our phones and watch TV, and we laugh out loud when we see something funny.

When we're in a good mood, these are all totally normal behaviors that we can accept and not think twice about. The question asker can recognize when he's feeling down, so he can think about whether he's been feeling stressed lately because of something.

If we can identify the problem and solve it, we can get our emotions back to normal. It's not a good long-term solution for the questioner or either parent to be wearing headphones.

It's important to try to understand the reasons behind your parents' phone usage.

It's become the norm to have a mobile phone and do our own thing, no matter what. Even if there's no communication throughout the process, it's not seen as an issue. The smart society has brought us convenience, but also hidden dangers. One common problem is dizziness, which is linked to the cervical spine. Young people can't stand it, let alone the elderly, who are prone to falling due to dizziness if they're not careful.

When we're busy, we can say that we rarely pick up our phones. For example, when I exercise, I set a rule for myself that I don't check my phone during this time. I want to enjoy the happiness that exercise brings me when I exercise.

We tend to play with our phones when we're bored, and it's easier to pass the time by swiping. Maybe it's also because adults feel a sense of being needed and listened to on their phones that they don't get in real life, so they're more willing to spend the day holding their phones.

If you're at home, you can find things for your parents to do. If you can't stop looking at your phone when you're busy, you can also talk to your parents about how much time you can spend looking at your phone when the family is at home. You should be attentive to your family members and let them feel the warmth of companionship and the moments of communication without being disturbed.

I hope this helps the questioner. Best wishes.

Greetings,

Host:

I am Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I have carefully read the post and can discern the complex emotions and conflicts within you from the content.

Furthermore, the poster has courageously articulated their distress and proactively sought assistance on the platform, which will undoubtedly facilitate a deeper understanding and recognition of themselves and their father. This will enable the poster to identify strategies for fostering a more harmonious relationship.

Subsequently, I will present my observations and thoughts on the aforementioned post, which may assist the poster in developing a more nuanced perspective.

1. What is the definition of selfishness?

As observed in the aforementioned post, the poster indicated that if they permitted their father to wear headphones, he would undoubtedly perceive this as meddling, and they would also perceive this as selfish behavior. After reading this, I would like to inquire about the poster's understanding of selfishness.

One might inquire as to why your father holds this perception of you as selfish. Are these sentiments and beliefs yours or his?

From a psychological perspective, one might posit that thoughts are not necessarily reflections of the external world, but rather a product of the individual's internal processes.

Consequently, it is sometimes necessary to learn to verify. Let us now return to the original question.

What is the essence of selfishness? I posit that selfishness can be defined as a tendency to prioritize one's own interests and disregard the interests and thoughts of others.

From the description provided in the original post, it can be inferred that the poster displays a high level of concern for the well-being of others. The concept of selfishness has been referenced, and it may be beneficial to introduce the concept of self-love.

What is your understanding of self-love? My understanding is that it entails complete acceptance of oneself, active listening and respect for one's inner thoughts, and respect for the thoughts and interests of others.

In light of the aforementioned, it is plausible to hypothesize that the original poster may have developed a novel perspective.

2. Passive-aggressive behavior

We will now proceed to discuss passive aggression. What is passive aggression?

A narrative may assist in comprehension of this concept. In the narrative, the wife is depicted as dominant, and the husband is portrayed as lacking the courage to express divergent opinions openly.

However, he was consumed by a profound sense of pent-up anger. He chose not to express it directly to her.

On one occasion, his wife informed him that she would prepare dinner upon his return from work. However, upon his arrival home, he proceeded to consume a meal at an external noodle restaurant and subsequently informed his wife, "I apologize, I forgot."

I have just completed my workday and consumed a meal at the aforementioned noodle restaurant. The quality of the noodles at this establishment is exceptional. In this narrative, the husband employs passive-aggressive behavior. In the original post, the author inquires, "Is it the only way I can demonstrate that I am not annoyed to wear headphones?"

What additional measures might be taken to improve my emotional state? I am concerned that if this situation persists for an extended period, I may experience a nervous breakdown and lose control of my temper.

Indeed, once emotions have manifested, it is imperative to identify an effective means of articulating them. In the absence of an external outlet for expression, the emotion may manifest as self-directed aggression.

Such behavior may also manifest as passive aggression directed towards the other party. Consequently, it can be hypothesized that prolonged emotional suppression may result in the indirect expression of aggression towards the father figure.

3. Attempt to communicate and express your emotions and feelings in a reasonable manner.

After discussing the aforementioned points, it becomes evident that expressing one's emotions in a reasonable manner is crucial. Following the expression of emotions in a reasonable manner, an attempt is made to communicate with one's father.

This approach allows for the management of emotions prior to addressing the underlying issues. It may prove beneficial for all parties involved.

The question thus arises as to how one might express one's emotions in a reasonable manner.

One may consider the practice of maintaining an emotional diary, wherein one records their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. This process allows for the active listening to and expression of one's emotional state.

The release of pent-up emotions provides an opportunity for constructive communication with one's father. This process may prove more beneficial for the original poster.

It is possible that this will prove challenging. However, it is important to recognise that this does not constitute a prohibition on your father watching videos.

We recently engaged in a discussion with him regarding a mutually acceptable solution that would be agreeable to both parties. Throughout this process, we maintained respect for ourselves and our father.

It is my sincere hope that these words will prove to be of some assistance and inspiration to you.

Hello question asker!

I was at a loss when I saw your question. It's hard to change our parents' lifestyle and values. We've been living like this for decades.

We still have to spend time with them every day, so it's also important to get along with them. From your writing, I can tell that the question asker wants to solve the problem by changing themselves, but that's not always easy.

What should we do first?

I don't know how long the questioner spends at home with his father.

If you spend all day together, it can be really annoying. So can't we find something else to do?

Does your father do anything else apart from eat? I don't think he spends all day on his phone or talking loudly. After dinner, you can talk to your father about things that interest him, or play with him, or offer him something new.

Your success depends on your situation. You are responsible for your own success.

If you only have a short time to spend with your father, try to understand his behavior by thinking about his upbringing, work environment, and personality. This might help you accept his actions better.

We can also use other people as resources.

Your mother, for example.

The questioner's question doesn't say how the mother is, and I think that may be because the mother's approach doesn't cause you distress. If the mother can understand your distress, then the questioner may feel comforted.

Make your mother your ally. She can persuade your father to make changes. Don't expect too much. Praise your parents for their efforts.

These are my thoughts. I don't know if they'll help.

You're not alone. Good luck!

Hello, question asker! I'm Letao, the respondent.

I've read the situation the questioner described and I can tell that they're a thoughtful person. Even though they're not happy with their father's behavior, they're still thinking about him and looking for solutions through this platform. I really admire the questioner for that.

From what the questioner said, it seems like the father watches short videos with loud sound and comments on them. This might be a habit for him, and he might not realize that his actions are disturbing his family, even though they've affected you and yours.

I'd like to give the questioner three suggestions for reference:

One idea is for the questioner to reach out to his father and ask if he can turn down the volume on the videos. Find a time when his father is in a good mood and mention that the loud volume is affecting you. You could ask if he could turn it down a little when the family is at home. His behavior at mealtimes has already changed, so he might be open to this suggestion.

Second, I suggest that the questioner choose a specific time and buy a better headset as a gift for his father. Just let him know that the headset is stereo and sounds good when you wear it and watch videos. Then, supervise him in using it and see if his father is happy to accept it.

Finally, I suggest that the questioner try to stay calm, avoid being distracted by his father's video when it's on, and get used to the lack of time. With a bit of practice, the questioner may be able to resist distractions more easily and adapt to this environment, which could help reduce the impact on the questioner.

Hello, I'm Emma the little whale.

Your words convey a sense of helplessness and irritation.

You have a choice to make. You can either continue to put up with your father's behavior because of your bond with him as a family member, or you can prioritize your own well-being and live your own life.

Your father ignores the needs of others and only cares about himself, brushing his teeth loudly. You have to put up with this situation because you want to look after your father's feelings or don't want to cause conflict with him. Let's be real, no one would be okay with living in such an environment.

I empathize with your situation, but I also admire your commitment to fulfilling your father's hobby.

However, as you said, if this continues for a long time, your life and physical health will also be seriously affected. It is therefore imperative that you find a solution. I think you can try the following methods:

1. Talk to your father directly and tell him to lower the volume because the noise is unacceptable to your family and neighbors.

2: Inform the community or management office, and play a double act with the management office, saying that the noise has been complained about by the neighbors and that the management office is now coming to the door to verify it. Demand that the management office tell your father to lower the volume.

3: Buy a pair of comfortable headphones and give them to him on Father's Day or his birthday. It's a special gift.

4: Get yourself a comfortable pair of headphones.

5: If none of the above can be achieved, then when you are busy with your own things, you must go to an outside cafe or other room to deal with it.

I am confident that the above suggestions will provide you with the inspiration you need.

Hello, this is a headache. Older people are stubborn. When you say you don't want to be disturbed, you'll probably get a scolding from a loving father. I'd rather avoid trouble than get involved. If you can't provoke them, you can at least avoid them.

Do we have to keep holding back? Won't we get hurt?

The only solution is to find a quiet place to hide out, like a cafe, library, or office, and wait until 8 or 9 pm to go home. The elderly go to bed early, so you'll have time at home at night.

Just because an old person goes to bed early doesn't mean they'll get up early. I hope they don't watch TikTok and listen to the radio at 5 a.m. If you try to reason with them, move them with emotion, lure them with benefits, give them face and respect, and show weakness, and they still go their own way, then buy them noise-cancelling earplugs.

If you can't change others, change yourself. Be kind to yourself.

Hello! I just wanted to give you a warm hug from afar.

It's totally normal to feel a sense of grievance, helplessness, and powerlessness when you're not understood or supported by your parents.

It's totally normal to feel a bit powerless when it comes to your parents' habits. We've all been there! Even though you might feel that your parents' habit of watching short videos with the volume turned up really does affect you to a certain extent, it can be tough to tell them your true feelings and needs. We all want to feel supported and understood, right? But it can feel selfish to express your feelings in this way. So, try to accept, understand and support your parents' hobbies. They're doing their best!

I know it can be tough, but I really think you should try to change the way you look at your parents' hobbies. That is, respect your parents' hobbies and habits, and face such parents, and do what you can to better adapt. For example, try to sincerely and bravely tell your parents your true feelings and needs in a gentle manner. If your parents are willing to give you some understanding and support, what kind of experience and feelings will you have? Don't force your parents to meet your needs; they have the freedom and right to stick to their hobbies.

If parents feel that you respect, understand, accept, support, and don't dislike, blame, or deny them, they'll be more likely to respond to and meet your needs.

You can try to cultivate more interests for yourself, love to enrich and enrich your life, and nourish yourself. You can also try to record your emotions in a timely manner by keeping an emotional diary. This can help you to better perceive, experience, feel, sort out your emotions, explore the hidden needs behind the emotions, and thus seek a more appropriate way to respond to your needs.

It's totally normal to feel hurt when others behave in ways that make us feel uncomfortable. It's not about what they've done or said, but how we interpret their words and actions. We all have different emotions, and that's okay! Regarding your parents' hobbies, you might feel like they're lonely and you don't spend enough time with them. You could take the initiative to teach them new ways to use electronic products. For example, you could show them how to take selfies, edit videos, and create short videos to record their lives. You could also download good audio programs for them, like listening to CCTV's "Baijiajiangtan." You could encourage them to participate in some recreational activities for the elderly, like square dancing and going to the university for the elderly. And you could spend more time with them after work, listening to them talk about their daily lives and doing housework with them. When their lives are rich and fulfilling, and they feel that they are valuable, cared for, and needed by their children, their dependence on their phones will decrease. They'll also give you more support.

I'd love to know your thoughts on this!

I hope my sharing can be a little bit of support and help for you.

I love you, world! And I love you, too!

Good morning, host! My name is Xing Ying, a psychological counselor at One Psychological, and I am also a national level-3 psychological counselor.

I understand your concerns. It seems that you are struggling to cope with your father's behaviour, while also feeling as if you are interfering with him. This can lead to feelings of self-blame. It's a challenging situation, and it's understandable to feel depressed. Let's explore ways to address this using psychological knowledge and skills. One approach is "positive reinforcement," which is a concept in the theory of reinforcement.

[Reinforcement Theory]:

American psychologist and behavior scientist B. F. Skinner put forth the theory of reinforcement when studying the relationship between stimuli and behavior. He posited that human behavior is a function of the stimuli received. If the stimuli are beneficial, the behavior will repeat; if they are detrimental, the behavior will weaken until it disappears.

I believe there are four specific reinforcement methods.

I believe that positive reinforcement, punishment, negative reinforcement, and neglect are all valid approaches to consider.

Based on my experience as a child, I have assessed your relationship with your father and believe that positive reinforcement may be an effective approach to achieving the goal of getting your father to speak more quietly.

[How to do it, there are examples to follow]

I recall someone once inquiring about a similar matter: "My female colleague in the office has a rather loud voice and tends to be rather noisy. How might I encourage her to lower her voice without negatively impacting our colleague relationship?" I remember suggesting, in a lighthearted manner, that he consider purchasing snacks that she enjoys and discreetly place them in his locker. When she was slightly quieter or her voice was a tad lower, he could discreetly offer her the snacks. Eventually, he did just that and shared that she was noticeably quieter that morning, suggesting a positive shift in her demeanor. He then proceeded to hand her the snacks. The outcome was quite effective.

You might also consider this approach:

If your father occasionally expresses an opinion that you find good, you might consider praising him for having an idea and discussing it with him. However, if he expresses it in a way that you don't like, you may wish to simply ignore it and get on with your own business.

If he happens to be wearing headphones while watching a video one day, you might consider offering him some praise and perhaps even a small act of kindness, such as pouring him a cup of tea. In short, you could try doing something that you don't usually do but that will make him feel comfortable.

Naturally, it can be challenging to identify such opportunities initially, and it often requires effort to do so. When you do observe something positive, it's always worthwhile to offer praise.

You might also consider asking him if you're disturbing him or if he'd prefer the volume to be turned down when you play videos or music.

With time, your father may begin to change.

Every father desires to be liked, cared for, and appreciated by his children. Every father is also an ordinary and average person who is not perfect. He has his own growth experience and habits. Just as we hope our parents will allow us to be ourselves, we understand that they are unique, ordinary, and deeply loved because of our love.

We should allow them to be themselves.

The renowned British philosopher and writer Francis Bacon once observed in his Meditations, "Knowledge is power." I'm truly delighted to connect with you on this platform brimming with psychological insights. By delving into the realm of psychology, we can gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and others, and potentially navigate the complexities of real-life challenges more effectively.

I hope that you will be able to find a way to escape your worries soon, and that you will be able to enjoy the world. I love you!

Hello. From your description, it seems that you feel somewhat constrained in your family. Your father tends to turn up the volume, which can be bothersome, particularly in a shared space like a home. It's understandable that you feel he doesn't care about other people's feelings.

I'm not sure how old your father is, but I know that some older people's hearing can deteriorate, and they may need to turn up the volume to hear. I understand that you understand your father; watching videos is relaxing and relieves stress for him. However, I also understand that you are annoyed, but you're not sure how to say anything.

What are your thoughts on this matter? It might be helpful to consider how your father might respond if you were to kindly ask him to turn the volume down, given that it is too loud.

Could I ask what your concerns are?

You mentioned that you don't believe you have the right to intervene. If you ask your father to wear headphones, you're concerned he'll say you're being selfish, and you'll also feel that way. It seems that in some way, with your father, you only have to obey and agree. Perhaps you're worried that if you don't agree with what he's doing, you may cause even greater trouble.

It can be challenging to communicate with your father about the impact of his daily behavior on you. It's understandable that you might feel pressure from this situation. Take a moment to breathe and offer yourself a comforting gesture.

You might consider gently explaining to your father that the loud volume is affecting you. It's understandable that he doesn't realize it's bothering you, but it might be helpful to let him know. The volume has no effect on your father's sensory experience of watching videos, and it's a small effort for him to turn it down. His small change can bring you great benefits, so it might be worth suggesting it to him.

You might also consider expressing your gratitude to your father for his understanding and support. It's possible that he isn't aware that his loud voice affects you, as it can be difficult for people to perceive that patterns to which they are accustomed are uncomfortable for others. Even if he is surprised by your request, you have made your feelings known, and he will likely take them into consideration.

You might also consider letting your father know that when you're not home, he has the option of turning up the volume as loud as he wishes.

I hope you have a nice life!