People are taken advantage of because they are kind, and I no longer want to be a pushover. What should I do if I'm afraid to quarrel with others?

Hello, question asker!

From what you've told me, I can tell that the questioner is a very kind person. I'm really sorry to hear that they've been feeling so uncomfortable. I'd love to know what happened to make them feel that way. And I'd also love to know what kind of strength is supporting you, so that you are still persevering despite feeling so uncomfortable.

It's so true! When you become aware of it, you're already on the path to change. I've felt this way many times in my life, and I'm sure you have too.

I don't know all the details about the questioner, but in my case, I actually subconsciously want others to be nice to me. I guess you could say I'm trying to be ingratiating. This is related to the neglect and blame in my family of origin. Then, questioner, what do you think is the cause?

The questioner said, "I have low self-esteem, no confidence, and I dare not get angry." I can feel that the questioner is actually a very careful and sensitive person. It may be related to the education and environment of the original family, but it doesn't matter. As long as my mother is willing, everything will get better and better.

I recently read a quote that I think you'll find really helpful. It said that we can be kind, but we also have to learn to protect ourselves.

The questioner can come here to let it all out and find answers. It's totally normal to have certain expectations, so I'd love to hear what yours are. When you achieve your expectations, what will be different?

I'd love to know who will be the first to notice the difference!

If a miracle happens and you fulfill your expectations tomorrow, what do you think you could have done to make the miracle happen?

I'm not sure exactly what's going on with the questioner, but I'd love to offer some suggestions that might help them feel better and rebuild their confidence.

It's so important to learn to see yourself, my friend.

People like us who love to help others sometimes ignore their own needs because we're so focused on helping others. It's important to learn to see our own needs and then satisfy them, so that we don't end up feeling aggrieved because we've neglected ourselves.

It's so important to learn to love yourself!

Before I studied psychology, someone told me to love myself. I was a bit unsure at first, thinking, "How do I love myself? I have nothing." But now I understand that loving myself means accepting myself, not comparing myself with others' strengths, and respecting my own feelings. If others make me feel uncomfortable, I express my feelings in time, so that I don't feel aggrieved.

The most popular saying is: If you can't love yourself, it's wrong to love others. If you don't love yourself, how can you expect others to love you?

Let's not forget to have fun and play! It's so important to develop hobbies to boost self-confidence.

It's totally normal to feel like you're not good at everything. We all have things we're not great at, and that's okay! You can learn from things that interest you and focus on what you're good at. This will help you feel more confident and able to face challenges in life.

It's so important to establish a sense of boundaries and learn to say no.

It's so important to establish a sense of boundaries. We all love to help others, but we sometimes forget to take care of ourselves in the process. It's okay to make mistakes, but it's also important to recognize when we're crossing a line and need to set some boundaries. This way, we can protect ourselves, learn to say no when we need to, and be our own best friend.

It's also a good idea to learn to release negative emotions.

Good people like us often hold our anger inside, which isn't good for our health. It's okay to let go of negative emotions to feel better and adjust our state of mind.

For example, you could go for a run, find someone to talk to, or seek help from a counselor.

I just wanted to say one more thing to the original poster. As I said before, if we want others to love us, we have to learn to love ourselves. If we don't love ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to love us?

From now on, I kindly ask that you respect your feelings, accept yourself, love yourself, cultivate hobbies, and enrich yourself, so you can build a strong foundation for your self-confidence.

I truly believe you can do it, and I'm working hard at it too! The most important thing is to take care of yourself before you go and help others.

Come on, you've got this! The world and I love you!

Hello, dear question owner!

Hello there! I'm so happy to meet you on the Yixin platform. It's so true that meeting people is fate. We all live in society and we all experience many hardships, and no one is exempt.

But there are so many people in the world, and it can be tough to keep your kindness. Those who don't keep their kindness violate morality and the law, and are disliked and hated by others. You are such a kind person, and you must keep your bottom line, which is your precious wealth.

I totally get where you're coming from. It's so frustrating when you've been good to someone and they don't seem to appreciate it. It's natural to wonder why they're turning against you. Have you ever thought about why things happen the way they do?

If something turns out differently than you expected, don't fret! There's probably a good reason why. After all, nothing happens by chance. It's the same with mudslides, earthquakes, or someone suddenly taking medicine. Everything that happens has a reason. This reason includes internal and external causes.

I can see that you're feeling frustrated, and I'm here to help. Let's dig a little deeper to find the underlying reason.

☪️☪️☪️ Lack of expression skills

The so-called expression skills are all about making sure that what you say, do, and how you act is in line with what you want to say. It's okay if you're well-intentioned, but it's also okay if what you say is seen as criticism or nagging. We all have different ways of expressing ourselves, and that's totally fine!

It's so important to be mindful of the way you speak and your attitude. Try speaking gently and using euphemisms.

☪️☪️☪️It's so important to find a balance when it comes to being friendly! Being overly friendly can sometimes come across as a bit too much, and it's good to be mindful of that.

It's a sad fact, but psychologists have found that overly friendly people are exploited by others and are not respected.

Just a friendly word of advice! Being overly kind to others might make you lose your own position and principles, and you might find yourself being led by the nose.

On the other hand, being overly friendly can also make others feel dependent on you and take you for granted.

And that can make people forget to be grateful.

You know, Carnegie once wrote in the book "The Weakness of Human Nature," that "it is human nature to forget to be grateful. If we always expect others to be grateful, we are mostly asking for trouble!"

So, remember to be kind but also be mindful of your boundaries in relationships.

Kindness also needs to be sharp. It's not enough to just give; you have to be a good giver too!

☪️☪️☪️ It's so important to remember that the way others treat you is a reflection of how you treat them.

I know this subtitle isn't catchy enough, and it might even offend people at first glance. But I really believe that honest advice is hard to take, but it's so good for action!

The way others treat you is how you taught them. What does that mean?

It's so important to remember that it's our attitude and approach towards others that matters.

If we can clearly express our views, attitudes, and positions in our interactions with others, then others will act according to your attitude, which is great!

It's so lovely when people get along with each other! It's not often that anyone ignores others and only cares about themselves. Even if someone is a little bit ruthless and does whatever they want, there are still limits to how they treat different people.

So, if you have a clear attitude, you won't have to worry about bargaining, getting caught up in emotions, or getting tangled up in unnecessary situations.

There are also external reasons.

It's so important to remember that unfriendly behavior from others, such as their poor character and morals, and their emotional instability, such as when they swear, can sometimes feel like a burden to us.

It's so sad when people have bad relationships. It's usually because they don't know how to handle their relationships with others. That is, they don't know how to clarify their relationships with others.

?️?️?️?️Take a moment to look at others through binoculars and at yourself through a magnifying glass.

Looking at others through binoculars means that a person must be tolerant of others. Why? Because we're all imperfect, and we all have shortcomings and inadequacies. So, being tolerant and accepting of others is also being tolerant of yourself.

Looking at others through binoculars is an attitude of observing people from a distance. It's important to remember that everyone needs distance from each other sometimes. Distance creates beauty. For example, when a man looks at a woman, he might think she is very beautiful, be attracted to her, be infatuated, and even worship her as a goddess. But when the two are actually living together, the details and trivialities of life, as well as the woman's character and weaknesses, are revealed, and the man might no longer think she is beautiful. It's okay! People need a sense of distance from each other sometimes.

It's so important to look at yourself with a magnifying glass and carefully examine your shortcomings. We all have shortcomings, and identifying and correcting them is not only really beneficial for your own personal growth, but it's also great for the good development of your relationships with other people!

?️?️?️?️When you're being praised, it's okay to bow your head and accept it graciously. But when you're receiving criticism, look up!

It's so lovely to receive praise, isn't it? When you bow your head in response, it shows that you're modest and well-mannered. People like you more for it! But if you become arrogant right away, it can come across as a bit shallow. It's like a sunflower that only blooms when it gets a little sunshine. You might come across as frivolous, and who knows who will praise you next?

When you bow your head when receiving praise, it's not easy to be jealous of others. Praising you means that you've achieved results, which can sometimes make it tough not to feel a little envious. But if you bow your head at this time, people will not feel that your achievements are so glaring, the power of jealousy will be weakened, and the relationship between you will be better.

It's so important to accept criticism and hold your head up high. We must be brave enough to take responsibility, not shirking or complaining. We cannot blame others or the objective environment when we make mistakes. It's so important to take responsibility for ourselves and blame ourselves if we want to blame someone.

To accept criticism, you just need to have the courage to correct your mistakes. The purpose of looking up is to correct your mistakes. If you don't want to admit defeat, then start again and correct these mistakes. You've got this!

Kindness needs to be sharp, and you need to cultivate your own self-confidence. You've got this!

Kindness is a beautiful virtue, so don't abandon it! And don't think you shouldn't be kind just because of your surroundings.

I'd like to encourage you to cultivate your self-confidence, associate with outstanding people, acquire the skills and interests you like, and stay away from inferiority complexes.

I wish I could say more, but I'm up against the clock!