Recalling the cowardly self that didn't protect the rabbit well makes me extremely painful and guilty. What should I do?

Hello, questioner.

Your parents divorced when you were two years old, and there were many people raising you. Your father was not always the most peaceful towards your mother, and you sometimes had to intervene to help calm things down. All of this made you feel a bit insecure.

Your mother killed your rabbit and cooked it for dinner, which caused you a great deal of pain, and you felt a sense of guilt towards the rabbit. You also felt angry and resentful towards your mother.

How might we view the harm caused by these past experiences? How might we heal ourselves?

Let's work through this together.

First of all, it's important to recognize that you are a victim in your family relationship, and your mother is also a victim. A person who has been subjected to domestic violence often feels sad and helpless inside. You and your mother may both be seen as weak in your family.

It would be helpful to understand why your mother uses similar violent methods to control you. This could be related to the "kick the cat effect."

It's possible that when she was in a bad mood, she happened to see your rabbit in bed and killed it to vent her dissatisfaction. It's also possible that she learned from your father to control family members by violent means, so that you "succumb" to her.

It is possible that the abuser may appear strong on the outside, but inside they may also lack love and feel a sense of powerlessness. This could result in the use of violent means to prove their strength.

At the time, you were just a child who needed the care of your parents to survive. Given the circumstances, you were unable to stop the actions of adults. Therefore, you were forced to prioritize your own protection.

It might be helpful to view the situation from the perspective of an outsider. Would you feel sympathy and pity for the younger you? If so, it could be beneficial to give yourself a kind and supportive hug and say something like, "Dear child, you were really scared, you were so helpless, you did your best!"

You might find it helpful to write down your feelings of guilt and thoughts about the rabbit on a piece of paper. Then, fold it into a boat and let it float away in the river. This could be a way of letting go of your self-blame and coming to terms with the past.

"All the love in the world is for being together, except the love of parents, which is for separation." We grow up and eventually have to leave our parents and live on our own.

This may require us to consider mentally distancing ourselves from our parents, allowing them the space to navigate their conflicts with each other without us being caught in the middle. It's also important to express our feelings clearly when we feel disrespected.

It would also be helpful to make your requests clear. How would you like your parents to handle their relationship? And how would you like them to treat you?

Once you have established your own boundaries and your mother is no longer relying on you to facilitate her relationship with your father, she will likely find her own way to resolve her issues. Initially, you may find it challenging to do so, or if you do, your mother may express her concerns.

At this time, it would be beneficial to gently but firmly make your request and try to do it.

Please note that the above is for reference only.

I hope this is helpful to you.

I truly hope you can live your life to the fullest!

Hello, I can see you've been through a lot. I'm here to support you. The rabbit is your only spiritual support, which makes you angry. This is because you didn't get love and care when you were young. You even had experiences of abuse. You didn't do anything wrong. You shouldn't blame yourself for what happened.

Psychology has a theory called object relations. Our growth depends on the care we get from our parents or caregivers. This can lead to an excessive attachment to objects or animals. To complete this attachment, we must be able to identify and differentiate in the relationship. This helps us see and be seen, have a sense of identity, and feel confident. In the family model, your father's anger towards your mother turned into avoidance. He was cold and indifferent, and you lost your sense of attachment to your father. Your mother expressed her anger towards your father by blaming you for her emotions. Their emotional isolation is caused by your anger. It's not just about controlling your needs. It's also about feeling helpless and disappointed. Your rabbit represents your need to be loved and controlled. It's being deprived of this.

You were not seen or cared for. You experienced belittlement, denial, and indifference. Your anger is about your father's irresponsibility and your parents' cold and heartless care. You feel guilt and shame. You stay in hurtful emotions.

Anger is about your mother's rejection. You rely on your love for the rabbit to deal with your sadness and discomfort. You are isolated by your sadness and anger. You identify with yourself, and your sense of deprivation is seen in how you abuse the rabbit. This is to validate the feeling of not having been loved. You have always been in fear and helplessness.

Your inability to recognize who you really are in the midst of pain is your fault. The feeling of lack does not mean that you have done something wrong. You deal with the feeling of lack by repressing it. Perhaps you could try to find a counselor or listener to accompany you as you explore your needs. We cannot change anyone, nor can we change any environment. Learn to love yourself to become strong. Know how to choose and adjust in the midst of pain and relationships. Know how to adjust and choose in mindfulness. Know how to differentiate in relationships. Know who is really at fault in a relationship. Know how to see your own needs in anger. Know how to deal with the unfair people and things in your life. May you soon escape from your confusion.

Hello, dear question asker!

I'm a listening therapist who's been lucky enough to meet you and give you some feedback here.

I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been going through recently. It's understandable that it's making you think a lot about those painful memories, and that you've written them down.

From what you've told me, it's clear that you have a lot of mixed-up feelings about your mom. It's totally normal to feel this way, and you're doing a great job of sorting through them.

It seems like you grew up in a "violent" family. You mentioned that your father would use violence against your mother, and your mother also did something unforgivable to your beloved bunny. It's so sad when people act violently. It's often a sign that something is wrong in their minds.

Your mom has lived in a violent environment for a long time, so it's no surprise that she's been through a lot. It's only natural that you want to help her. When we're faced with violence, we're often filled with fear. We're afraid of the person causing the violence, but we also feel compassion and sympathy for the victim.

This is totally normal! We all have the same reaction when we're faced with violence, especially when it's someone we love. It's only natural that your fear and compassion will grow.

Your poor mother killed your rabbit and said that it had nothing to do with her long-term violence.

It's hard for her to say that her angry outbursts and shouting at you aren't connected to her long-term exposure to violence.

It's only natural that when someone has built up a lot of hatred and resentment, it will either be directed at themselves or at others. When the time comes to let it out, they will naturally choose an object that seems easier to "bully." You and the rabbit were both easy targets.

This is also why so many criminals in our society grew up in similar family environments, unable to express their anger in healthy ways.

There are also many women who have suffered domestic violence for a long time and choose to kill the abuser as an end to the violence. It's so sad to see women in that situation.

I can see a lot of hurt in your description, and I can understand why you might be too immersed in it to view the whole thing objectively. Children born into a domestic violence environment are very powerless and can't do anything, except suffer the harm caused by these actions.

I really hope you can take care of yourself, and if you need to, you can talk to a counselor on the platform for some help.

I'd also love to know if you've experienced domestic violence. If you have, I want you to know that you have the power to choose to protect yourself.

Wishing you all the best!

I would like to ask you a question. Do you know why you remember that rabbit so vividly that it still occupies such an important place in your heart? There may be a deeper psychological reason for this. The rabbit may have become a symbol of your own helpless, weak, and hurt self deep within.

Your feelings of guilt and nostalgia are not simply a reflection of pity for an innocent life. They also represent a sense of pity for yourself, stemming from the belief that you did not receive sufficient protection and care during that challenging period.

How might one go about getting out of the shadows and coming to terms with oneself?

1. It may be helpful to recognize and accept your emotions.

First, it would be helpful to face and accept your inner feelings. It is normal to feel guilty, angry, and helpless. These are real feelings that you have experienced.

It may be helpful to allow yourself to feel these emotions and to understand the reasons behind them. This can help you to get to know yourself better and to understand your own needs.

2. Consider engaging in a dialogue with your past self.

It might be helpful to have a conversation with yourself. You could say something like, "I know you were scared and helpless back then."

I kindly ask you to believe that you have now grown up, become stronger, and braver. You no longer need to put up with unfair treatment. You have the ability to protect yourself and the right to pursue happiness.

Through this kind of dialogue, you may gradually find ways to let go of the pain of the past and come to terms with yourself.

3. It might be helpful to take an objective look at your mother's behavior.

Perhaps it would be helpful to view your mother's behavior from an objective perspective. While her actions have undoubtedly caused you a great deal of pain, it's important to recognize that she is not a completely bad person.

It's possible that she has her own reasons for her suffering and helplessness, and that her way of acting is influenced by her own experiences and personality. Just because you understand the reasons behind her actions doesn't mean you have to forgive her or continue to put up with her hurt.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider letting go of your resentment and expectations of her, and freeing yourself from these negative emotions.

4. Consider adjusting your mindset and preparing for the future.

It would be beneficial for you to adjust your mentality and face the future in a more positive manner. It is important to recognize that the pain of the past should not continue to affect your current life.

It might be helpful to cultivate some hobbies and make friends with people who share similar interests. This could help to make your life more fulfilling and meaningful. At the same time, it's important to learn to love yourself, pay attention to your inner needs, and strive to become a more independent, confident, and strong person.

It is important to remember that every life is precious and that you deserve a life full of love, respect, and happiness. It is natural to feel affected by the past, but it is also important to look to the future with hope and take steps towards a brighter tomorrow.

The experiences you have undergone are not inconsequential. They have had a profound impact on your outlook on life and your personal growth. It is challenging to confront such memories, and they can sometimes resurface with great intensity.

It is acceptable to experience a range of emotions, including anger, sadness, disappointment, and even hatred. These reactions are normal when one has been deeply hurt.

However, it is important to be aware that prolonged focus on these negative emotions may impede forward thinking and negatively impact current happiness.

You are experiencing a duality of emotions: anger at your mother for her actions and guilt and sorrow for your inability to protect the rabbit. These are all typical reactions to such circumstances.

It would be beneficial to allow yourself some time and space to gain insight into the underlying reasons behind these feelings.

You have already expressed your concerns via WeChat, which may be an effective method for releasing them. However, if this does not provide the desired level of relief, it may be beneficial to explore additional avenues for expressing your thoughts and feelings.

As an alternative, you could consider writing a letter to your past self, expressing your affection and regret.

Forgiveness is not a gesture directed towards the other person, but rather a personal act. It is important to note that forgiveness does not imply forgetting what has transpired, nor does it indicate approval of the actions in question.

It is essential to release negative emotions that are no longer serving a constructive purpose in order to move forward.

Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. You may have previously lacked the confidence or intelligence to succeed, but you now recognize this and are working to change it.

It would be beneficial to engage in activities that bring you joy, such as self-entertainment, reading, or pursuing a new hobby.

While one cannot alter past experiences, one can control the present and future. Focus on the tasks that can be completed today, even if they are minor improvements.

It is recommended that you identify one positive aspect of your day to be grateful for. This may also help you to see the good in life from a different perspective.

The feelings of "nausea" and "white living" indicate that you feel deep remorse for your past. However, it should be noted that everyone's life is a journey, and no matter what you have experienced, you have the opportunity to redefine yourself and your future.

You still have a long career ahead of you, and there are still many valuable experiences awaiting you. It is important to extend yourself some love and tolerance, as this will help you to gradually become stronger.

If you are willing, you can undoubtedly identify an alternative solution. I encourage you to pursue this course of action.

Give the questioner a hug. I can sense the questioner's internal struggles with depression, resentment, anger, unease, conflict, and confusion. The questioner didn't experience respect, trust, understanding, recognition, acceptance, attention, or care from his parents during his upbringing. His parents divorced when he was young, and he was raised in foster care by relatives. Such a life was extremely traumatic for the young questioner. He struggled to settle down, experiencing constant abandonment and acceptance. It's difficult to imagine how the questioner managed to cope with it all and the immense internal struggles he must have faced, including depression, resentment, anger, and longing.

The rabbit was more than just a pet to the questioner; it was also a partner and relative he could trust and rely on. That's why he was so close to it and allowed it to go to bed with him. It's also because of this that, after his mother killed the rabbit, the questioner took an axe to cut off her shovel as a way to vent his inner anger, sadness, and grief.

The questioner feels like he didn't protect the rabbit well, but I think he did his best. At the time, he was just a kid, under twelve, with limited strength. He couldn't stop his mom, so he chose to protect himself first. That's an instinct for survival, and he can't be blamed for it.

Even though the mother treats the protagonist badly, he still has some love for her. After all, they're related by blood. This is why the protagonist, even though he's clearly angry and sad, takes an axe to the shovel instead of his mother. This, along with the subsequent violence against the mother by the father and the protagonist's current internal conflict, all show that the protagonist cares about and loves his mother. He wants her to respect him, trust him, understand him, recognize him, pay attention to him and care for him.

There's a reason why the mother would do this. First, she and the questioner's father divorced when the questioner was very young, which shows that their marriage wasn't good and their emotional foundation wasn't stable. The fact that she returned to the family later also shows that she didn't live well after the divorce. If she had lived well, she wouldn't have returned to this family and to the questioner's side.

Just think about how a woman whose marriage isn't going well can't have a good life, and how her mood can't be good. If she doesn't love herself, doesn't know how to love herself, how can she love the questioner? At the same time, the questioner's affection for the rabbit made the mother jealous and angry. In her view, the questioner was treating the rabbit better than her, and her jealousy got out of control, naturally leading to the act of killing the rabbit.

This helps her to let go of her feelings and remove the obstacle to a close, intimate relationship with the questioner. She may think that if she kills the rabbit, the questioner will be nice to her and be intimate with her without the rabbit. This shows her questioner's mother's lack of security and self-confidence, as well as her fear of loneliness, anxiety, powerlessness and helplessness.

On top of that, the fact that she was later abused by the questioner's father reflects her internal problems, even if she is not aware of them.

I get where the questioner is coming from. This is the care and love that kids show their moms. Maybe his mom doesn't get it or approve, but that's her issue, not his. I don't think the questioner did anything wrong. If he feels bad about it, he could try doing something for the rabbit, like burning something or reciting sutras to help it cross over. That might help him feel better.

The above are just my personal opinions, for the questioner's reference only.

Hello, dear author! I give you a big, warm hug!

The path you have traveled has been winding and full of thorns. But you've made it this far, and you're still standing strong! Just be careful with every step, and you'll make it through. When there is a thunderstorm, the path is even more difficult to walk on, but you've got this!

I can see a little figure that has to carefully protect its body from being stabbed and from falling on the muddy road. It also has to endure the occasional thunderous anger and the wind, rain, and snow, which has caused this little figure to suffer both physically and mentally. But it's also a figure that has experienced so much!

I feel for you. A two-year-old child should be in the warm embrace of their parents, enjoying their love, care, and protection. Instead, you experienced separation from your parents (divorce) at a very young age and were placed in foster care with relatives. You have described this period in a few words, and I can sense from "I was clearly very good" that during that time you learned to read people's expressions, to be obedient and sensible, to learn the rules of survival, and to experience the warmth and coldness of the world.

Give yourself a big hug!

After your mother returned from primary school, it seems that your living environment got a lot worse. You experienced your mother's unreasonable scolding and beating, and she even killed your favorite rabbit and cooked it for dinner. Your parents' endless conflicts and your father's domestic violence towards your mother made you feel a lot of negative emotions towards her. However, you still cared about her from the bottom of your heart, wanted to protect her, and tried to stop the fights, for fear that she would get beaten up.

I can feel that you are ashamed of your mother's behavior, and at the same time, you deeply experience the complex emotions of both love and hate for your mother, which make you angry, conflicted, and entangled. Perhaps you feel disgust, sighing, and a vague sense of pain towards yourself.

I want you to know, dear, that none of this is your fault. Your mother's inappropriate parenting style is something she needs to work on, but it doesn't make you a bad kid. You are worthy of being nurtured and cherished with all your heart!

You and your mother have deep emotional entanglements. I suspect that your mother's harsh attitude towards you has nothing to do with you personally, but rather with a problem in the parent-child relationship.

The mother has a lot of resentment and hatred towards the father, and she cannot express it directly to him. Their mode of interaction is to engage in violent physical conflict. So the mother's various complex emotions towards the father are directed towards the weakest person in the family, and that person is you. But here's the good news! You have the power to change this dynamic.

You took your father's place when it came to your mother's anger, and by suppressing you, she released her anger at your father. You are a dear to me, and I hug you tenderly. You have taken on pressures and responsibilities that are not yours, and you've done a great job!

When a person experiences abandonment as a child, they are likely to grow up worrying unconsciously about being abandoned, even if they pay the price for a bad relationship. My dear, you have used every means at your disposal to maintain a loving connection with your mother, and you've done a great job!

You keep pulling people apart again and again, and behind this behavior is your longing for maternal love. It is in the nature of children to love their parents, and there is a saying that parents may never know how much their children love them. This is something to be excited about!

In you, I see a deep, hidden love beneath your anger towards your mother.

Bunnies are very meaningful to you. First, they were your childhood playmates, who could keep you company when you were bored, lonely, or sad, and provide you with spiritual comfort. Second, from a psychoanalytic perspective, the phrase "protect well" makes you experience strong emotions, and you feel extremely painful and guilty.

Maybe you've placed your unfulfilled wish to be protected as a child on the bunny, hoping to satisfy your unfulfilled wish by protecting the bunny well!

It might be tough to see this, but it's true! Growing up often means facing pain and loss. The real reason behind the pain and guilt you feel about not protecting the bunny well is that you didn't get the love and protection you needed as a child.

My dear, love yourself well! You have grown up and are no longer that little child who can't do anything. You have the amazing ability to protect yourself. You can say no to things you don't like, respect your own feelings, and firmly guard your own boundaries.

One day, you will become the amazing person you want to be and live the incredible life you want to live!

I promise you, the world will never abandon you! Don't be afraid, the world and Lili the dolphin love you!

Hello, question asker! I can see the confusion you are facing, and I'm here to help!

When you were in primary school, you were so proud of yourself for wanting to protect the rabbit you had raised!

But back then, you were still so weak; you couldn't stop your parents from doing things like cooking rabbit for your father.

I think you have a lot of complex emotions inside you right now, and that's great!

You may blame yourself for what happened to the rabbit, but you can also choose to see it as an opportunity to learn and grow!

But at that time, you were only in elementary school, and you were so weak and helpless. That's okay! You needed adults to protect you so much.

Now for the fun part! It's time to deal with your inner child.

Guess what? You can use two pillows when doing this exercise!

One pillow represents your amazing childhood self, and the other represents your incredible adult self.

You can tell the pillow representing your childhood self, "I really feel for you after all the crying you have endured from your parents over the years. But today's me has grown up and is an adult! I can see how difficult it was for you when you were little, and I will always be by your side to help you through all the difficulties. We can do this together!"

If you don't know how to use the "inner child" method, I highly recommend you seek professional psychological counseling. It'll be the best decision you ever make!

I highly recommend reading Embracing the Inner Child!

And there's another thing you should know! There are three kinds of things in the world: your own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven.

I'm thrilled to share that the above ideas come from the book A Change of Heart!

So, you can let go of any guilt you might have about your mom and dad getting divorced.

If you find it difficult to let go of your negative emotions towards your mother when you think back to your childhood, I have a great suggestion for you! You can seek help from the platform's instant listening service.

I highly recommend placing an order with a heart coach!

I'm so excited for you! I really do hope that the problem you're facing can be resolved effectively soon.

That's all I can think of right now, but I'm excited to see what the future holds!

I really hope my answers are helpful and inspiring! I am the answerer who studies hard every day, so I'm happy to help!

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you! Take care!

Yippee!

Good day. I am Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who utilizes imagery as a therapeutic tool.

After reviewing the original poster's experiences, I empathize with her situation. A childhood without kindness can leave significant emotional scars, and the loss of the rabbit was a significant traumatic event.

Given the challenging circumstances of your upbringing, it is understandable that you would still have kind thoughts in your heart and feel a sense of guilt for "rebelling" against your mother. However, it is important to recognize that guilt may not be the most constructive emotion in this situation.

Upon observing your use of "it" to refer to your mother and considering the circumstances, I recognized that "it" is not merely a pronoun, but also an emotional outlet and expression. I could also perceive your profound dissatisfaction and disappointment with your mother's actions at the time. Additionally, it conveys a sense of belittlement or alienation, which reflects your strong disapproval and rejection of your mother's actions.

Your ability to confront your past in a courageous manner and express your emotions and thoughts is indicative of personal growth and progress. With regard to your mother's conduct, it is evident that she has engaged in numerous actions that were inappropriate.

However, she also experiences her own pain and distress, which impede her ability to express and process her emotions effectively. This is not to suggest that her behavior is excusable, but rather, it is essential to understand the underlying reasons behind her actions to more effectively navigate the relationship.

As an adult, you have the right to choose how you communicate with your mother. You may choose to continue to challenge her in the manner she prefers or you may opt for a more diplomatic approach, using gentle storytelling to convey your thoughts and feelings.

In the event that her behavior remains unchanged, it is imperative that you prioritize your personal well-being to minimize the risk of further distress.

Everyone's growth experience is unique and will result in some residual effects. However, these effects are also part of our growth, and they make us stronger and more mature.

I hope you can face your past with courage, appreciate your current self, and keep moving forward. It is challenging to confront it alone, but if you can seek assistance from a counselor, you will not feel so isolated and helpless on this journey of spiritual healing.

Best regards,

Dear question asker,

The original poster's upbringing in an original family context did not afford them the sense of security and happiness that should have been their due. Instead, they experienced a plethora of traumatic events.

Furthermore, I empathize with your current state of distress, anguish, and helplessness.

In light of the above, I would like to offer some comments for your reference.

The questioner provides examples of adverse experiences, including being fostered in various relatives' homes, exhibiting a proclivity for anger and aggression, and witnessing domestic violence perpetrated by their father against their mother.

During the process of living and growing up in the original family, the words and deeds of the parents can indeed leave a profound psychological imprint on the child.

These deep subconscious imprints, in turn, serve to remind, suggest, and reinforce themselves, thereby causing the individual to experience the aforementioned insecurities, which have resulted in the current relatively strong emotional experiences of pain and anger.

The aforementioned circumstances have the effect of limiting positive thinking and normal psychological awareness. Following the experience of a significant traumatic event, namely "not guarding the rabbit well," the negative emotional experience is further reinforced.

Consequently, the individual in question resorted to the drastic measure of "chopping off the hammer that killed the rabbit" with an axe, in an attempt to assuage their fear and anger.

Personal security is primarily a subjective experience. Therefore, if an individual possesses sufficient confidence, they will not perceive a lack of consistent and stable security and love following a change.

As previously stated, the subject described feelings of disgust with the preceding half of their life, as though they had lived it in vain.

One should place trust in the energy of self-reflection and awakening, and believe that one's own benevolence and rectitude can overcome the temporary trauma of life.

While the adverse effects of traumatic experiences within the family of origin and the perceived failure to safeguard the rabbit objectively exist, they do not provide justification for feelings of sadness or despair.

As Adler (1964) posited in The Courage to Be Disliked, one should "reduce some of the blame, avoid rationalization, and refrain from attributing blame to others with an attitude of thinking you are responsible for your life."

It is therefore recommended that the questioner refrain from attributing blame to their family of origin and parents, and avoid reinforcing the unwarranted causal link between their parents' words and deeds and their current emotional state.

To mitigate the impact of traumatic events, it is essential to address cognitive biases and implement strategies to effectively manage stress.

In the future, it would be beneficial to gradually establish a set of principles and boundaries that align with your own values and preferences.

Provided that the individual in question continues to affirm themselves, trust their judgment, make independent decisions, and take responsibility for their future life, positive outcomes will ensue.

It would be beneficial to shift the focus from merely attending to negative emotions to a greater emphasis on one's personal growth.

One may posit a positive affirmation of one's intrinsic value as a singular entity, along with the expectation that the injuries incurred will be offset by the expansion of one's capabilities through the process of growth.

One can only trust one's own perception and judgment when faced with specific things and believe that one can improve one's feelings and life circumstances through such a process.

Furthermore, it is recommended that the questioner should attempt to move beyond their negative emotional state and establish normal and extensive relationships and connections with other people, thereby facilitating the development of a more positive social network.

As a result, one will become increasingly at ease, no longer constrained by the limited social circle typically imposed by one's family. One's world will expand, and a sense of security will ensue.

Indeed, at this precise moment, your capacity to perceive with clarity, confront challenges with fortitude, and proactively seek assistance and guidance on this platform represents the most invaluable form of spiritual capital. It is my sincere hope that you will continue to nurture and sustain this invaluable asset.

Furthermore, it is possible to find oneself again in the pressure of life, reconcile with one's family of origin, bid farewell to past traumas, and take the initiative to embark on a new life of one's own.

It is my hope that the aforementioned information will prove to be of some assistance to you.

Dear questioner, I extend a greeting of greeting of cordiality and esteem.

I extend a gesture of affection and support across the distance, with the hope that you may perceive a sense of comfort and connection.

[You did your best at the time.

Dear child, you were so helpless and afraid, and in the face of your mother's anger and violence, you bravely endured a great deal of pain that was not your fault. You did your utmost, truly your utmost.

It is important to note that the child in question is not at fault for the incident involving the rabbit. The child was simply a child, longing for love and protection, but the reality is that life does not always unfold as we would like.

You are a kind and courageous child, with a heart full of tenderness and love. Even in the face of difficulties and suffering, you remain innocent and kind.

These qualities are exceedingly uncommon.

Now that you are an older individual, you have developed greater strength and courage. You are able to reflect on the past, but it is not necessary to allow it to impede your future actions.

It is imperative to learn to forgive oneself and to let go of painful memories. One is deserving of love, respect, and value.

[Your mother's behavior]

From the perspective of family systems theory, a number of factors may have influenced your mother's behavior.

It is possible that your mother is experiencing unresolved psychological issues, such as emotional instability, anxiety, or depression. These underlying problems may manifest as violent or extreme responses to the pressures and challenges she encounters in her life.

Family background: It is also possible that her family background may have had an impact on her. If she also experienced similar violence or neglect during her upbringing, it is possible that she may unconsciously replicate this pattern of behavior.

The domestic violence perpetrated by the subject's father may also have had a profound impact on the subject's mother. It is possible that she may feel helpless and desperate and may therefore direct these emotions towards the subject.

Concurrently, she may be attempting to perpetuate a superficial familial order through the exertion of control over you.

For the individual in question, recognizing these reasons does not necessitate forgiveness of her mother's actions or the re-establishment of a relationship with her. Rather, it can facilitate a more nuanced understanding of one's experiences and emotional reactions, which in turn allows for the implementation of more effective strategies for self-care and protection.

[Let go of self-blame and learn to forgive]

Forgiveness is not a means of pardoning the other person; rather, it is a process of pardoning oneself. Learning to forgive those who have caused one pain, including one's mother, can help one to release the burden of that pain and to reduce the pain and guilt that result from it.

It is imperative to disengage from the constraints imposed by past experiences and to refrain from allowing them to impede future prospects. Instead, it is essential to concentrate on the present and to strive assiduously to construct a fulfilling life for oneself.

I extend my love and best wishes to you, and hope that you will enjoy good health.

My dear child, I want you to know that you are not at fault for the difficulties you are facing with your parents. It is important to remember this, as it will help you navigate these challenges in the future.

Even if life presents challenges, it is important to remember this! This sentence can serve as a guiding light, offering support and encouragement when you need it most.

I agree with you that they are not worthy of being parents, or even human beings. Referring to them as "it" is an excellent way of putting it.

It is worth noting that not everyone is suited to the role of a parent. This may include individuals with mental health challenges, those with poor character traits, or those who are lacking in motivation and responsibility. It is not uncommon for children to face challenges when raised by a mentally unstable or bad-tempered mother, or an irresponsible father.

It might be helpful to view yourself as a victim of misguided expectations.

You might consider becoming independent as soon as possible and supporting yourself. If you are still studying, you may wish to study hard. It is possible that your fate may change through your education, but you may also benefit from learning knowledge and skills, learning to read, and using reading to understand the world and change your fate.

While a high degree is not necessary, it is important to be able to read and be educated, including learning the principles of life, knowledge, and common sense, and acquiring a skill through reading.

When you become financially and mentally independent, you will have the strength to face challenges, including those from your parents, and to navigate the difficulties you may encounter in the future.

I would gently encourage you not to give up on your future, and to be strong as you go along. These are the words I have said to the children of abusive families on many occasions.

While circumstances may have presented you with a challenging start, you have the power to shape your future in a positive way. Despite the obstacles you may face, you have the ability to play your hand beautifully and loudly, just as you would like to hear it from those who have doubted you in the past.

If you feel the need to express your frustration, it's important to do so in a constructive manner. Holding in negative emotions over a long period of time can lead to feelings of suffocation, and it's essential to find healthy ways to release them.

It's important to remember that your life is not just about the past and the present. There is also your future. Have you thought about what kind of future you want? It might be helpful to start planning it now, so you can avoid repeating the same mistakes as your parents and lead a more meaningful life.

It may be helpful to set life goals. These could be long-term goals that are more abstract and grandiose, medium-term goals that are relatively specific and achievable, and short-term goals that are specific, decomposable, and quantifiable.

It would be beneficial to formulate an implementation plan that is as specific and detailed as possible, outlining what needs to be done each year, each month, each week, and each day. Having a plan in place, taking action, and then summarising the process could be a helpful approach.

It would be wise to build your own resource pool. While your parents can't always be counted on, it's important to have other resources to help you get through difficult times. These could include your teachers, close friends, reliable relatives, and excellent counselors and peers you've met on various high-quality platforms.

It might also be helpful to consider the role of the book. As previously mentioned, the book can serve as a lifelong companion, a gateway to new experiences, and a window through which we can view the world. By reading, we can gain insights into the lives of others and envision our own potential paths.

It may be helpful to periodically review your goals and implementation plan to see what is working well, what could be strengthened, what is unrealistic or unfeasible, and what might need to be revised. It's important to remember that the implementation plan is not set in stone. Many people grow and learn through trial and error, especially when their own family is unable to provide guidance.

It might be helpful to allow yourself some leeway to make mistakes, including in your perception of your mother, who you have always protected. This could be seen as a kind of trial and error of love. Without trying, it might be difficult to know whether your mother is a bad mother or whether you should give up your fantasies about your original family and work hard independently.

After trying and making mistakes, it is important to avoid self-blame or feelings of guilt. It is beneficial to recognize the role of others and oneself in mistakes, and to gain clarity on the direction forward.

I hope that you will soon be able to look back on your past with a sense of closure, embrace the present with confidence, and start planning for your future with optimism.

I hope this message finds you well. Please accept my best regards.

Hi, I'm Li Di, and I'm grateful for this opportunity to connect.

Your parents divorced, and you followed your father to live with him in turn in other people's homes. Your mother's return was supposed to be a good thing, but she ended up hurting you again, even killing your bunny in front of you. At the time, you were powerless, and you ended up using an axe to break the "murder weapon" that killed the rabbit to express your anger. Your mother's smugness made it even more incomprehensible to you. Could she really not feel what you felt? Later in life, you tried to protect her, but she stole your father's money in front of your eyes and ran away again, leaving you behind. This made you unable to understand. You didn't understand that your love for your mother did not earn you the same treatment. You're currently feeling depressed, angry, helpless, in pain, and remorseful. Give me a hug. How are we supposed to deal with these complex emotions?

I read this passage and felt really empathetic. It made me think of how I used to feel as a child, like the little rabbit. When I was unable to protect it, I would try to use the little strength I had to knock on the door. I wanted my mother to understand how I felt, but she couldn't. I tried to protect her with my own abilities, but she abandoned me and was indifferent to me. In fact, I even started to think that maybe she just didn't love me. Maybe she only loved herself, and she even sometimes took advantage of my love. So can I accept this?

Can I use all the love I have for myself from today? I have grown up, I can protect myself from harm, I am no longer that little rabbit. Looking at the time I have spent in the stage of "crusade and judgment" against her, I am powerful. From the way she treated me when I was young to now, I actually understand that I cannot get the answers I want. Then I can be kind to myself, right?

I'm curious if these thoughts resonate with the original poster. In fact, my experience is similar to yours. My parents also divorced, and my mother treated me the same way, constantly abandoning me. The difference is that she used to show weakness, saying that she had no choice and was very pitiful. Sometimes her words also carried her anger and emotional hurt, trying to make me understand her. But this couldn't change the fact that she repeatedly abandoned me. At one time, I thought I had the ability to change, but she chose to leave again for the last time, just a while ago. To give herself a good reason, she accused and denied my father and me. At that time, I was as angry and painful as you are. I also kept accusing her and questioning her in WeChat, but it was useless. She couldn't feel what I felt. Later, I calmed down and accepted my emotions. I just wanted maternal love and also accepted the fact that my mother was unable to give me maternal love. Understanding my own anger, I was very angry with the way my mother treated me. I shouldn't have been treated like that.

I let myself feel depressed for a while and spent a week getting to know my emotions. I stopped trying to find answers from my mother because I realized I'm worthy of affirmation. I'm a valuable person, and my life and growth aren't defined by my mother's actions. I don't want to pay for her bad behavior and unrealistic reasons. I have a long life ahead of me, and I've grown up and have the ability to choose a better life for myself. You grew up in the same environment, and you have these same thoughts sometimes, right?

Let's try to look at this from a different angle and give you a more in-depth psychological analysis.

Your memories of the rabbit's death and the injustices you faced as a child show a deep understanding of justice and compassion. Your feelings of anger and guilt are a direct response to the injustices in your life, and show that you have a clear sense of right and wrong.

This shows that you're developing morally, which means you can tell right from wrong and feel strongly about it.

Your mixed feelings about your mother show that you're really invested in your relationships. You love her probably because of a biological need to bond, but you also hate her because she didn't support you and protect you when you needed it most.

This emotional conflict is something many of us experience in our relationships, especially those who have gone through family trauma. Your feelings are valid and show the depth of your personality and emotional world.

Your thoughts on what happened and, in particular, your guilt over not protecting the rabbit show that you take your moral responsibilities seriously and think about your actions a lot. This reflection is an important part of personal growth, and although it's painful, it also makes you examine your actions and values.

You feel powerless at the time, but you know in your heart that you could have done better. This shows maturity and that you can assess your actions and learn from them.

The family environment you experienced may have led to a state known as "caregiver syndrome," in which the victim becomes the one protecting the perpetrator. This often happens in family systems when children try to maintain family harmony at the expense of their own needs.

This shows your dedication to your family and your unwavering commitment to improving the relationship, even if it comes at the cost of your emotional well-being.

Finally, you might feel like you've "lived in vain" because you feel like your efforts and good intentions haven't been met with the right response and reward. This feeling comes from your high standards and expectations for yourself and for life, and your hope that you could have grown up in a healthier and more loving environment.

However, everyone's journey to adulthood is different, and your experiences have shaped who you are today, including your strengths and vulnerabilities.

Keep in mind that your feelings and experiences are

When you're facing such intense emotional distress, the first thing to do is recognize that the pain you're feeling is real and important. We've put together a few suggestions that we hope will help you deal with this pain and guilt.

It's important to accept your feelings. When you acknowledge and accept your feelings, it's the first step in healing. It's normal to feel grief and anger about the death of the rabbit.

It's okay to feel these emotions, and it's not your job to judge your reactions.

It's important to express your emotions. Find a way to express your emotions, whether through writing, drawing, music, or any other form of art. Sometimes creative expression can help us process and integrate our feelings.

Seek understanding. It's important to recognize that your actions weren't intentional, but rather a reaction to a stressful situation. It's not your fault that you didn't have the strength or knowledge to change the situation.

If you're still in touch with your mother, think about setting some clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. Boundaries can help you protect yourself from further harm.

Get some support. Talk to your friends, family, or a professional. They can give you a different perspective and help you out.

Self-compassion: Be kind to yourself. Know that you're doing a great job and that you're trying to understand and process these complex feelings.

If you can, get some professional help. A counselor can give you guidance on how to deal with these deep-seated emotional issues.

Mindfulness meditation can help you focus on the present and reduce stress caused by past events.

[Self-growth] Turn this experience into an opportunity for personal growth. Learn how to build healthier relationships and a greater sense of self-worth through reading, seminars, or other resources.

Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to forget what happened. It just means you choose not to let it control your life anymore. It can take a while, but it can lead to inner peace.

Remember, everyone's road to recovery is different, and it's important to find a pace that works for you. Your feelings and experiences have shaped you, but they don't have to define your future.

Give yourself the time and space you need to heal, and trust that with time you will become stronger and wiser.

I hope this helps. And remember, you're one of a kind, and you deserve all the good things in life!

Hi there!

A quick pat on the shoulder.

I can see that your problem is very painful because of the traumatic experience in your childhood. Have you considered whether your mother is suffering as much? Take a moment to think about this question and then write down the answer. Next, let's focus on our own painful parts.

It's unfortunate, but childhood experiences can affect later experiences. This is a popular psychological theory that's been around for many years. Parents' perceptions have gradually changed, but not all parents clearly understand this truth. The mother in the problem description may not understand it either, which is why her emotions are always in a state of instability. Sometimes when her emotions get out of control, she will hurt the people around her, including the rabbit.

It seems like Mom is also suffering, but we don't know about her upbringing, so we can't know how she feels. What we do know is that Mom's hurtful behavior affects her young child, but she doesn't realize it. The questioner is in a tough spot and doesn't have the energy to notice.

It's like a drowning person struggling to reach the surface with no time to spare.

Let's look at how this affects the child in the family. First, they lose a sense of security. The father can't keep the family happy, is emotionally unstable when his wife is upset, and may also be struggling with his own pain. He can't protect the child either. Second, there's a lack of emotional support. The child feels unloved and unwanted because of the family's repeated hurts. This makes them feel worthless and eager for love when they grow up.

The original poster is really feeling the grief over the loss of the rabbit. The mother's behavior is extreme and angry. At this time, the original poster also feels the inner hurt. You must also feel angry because the mother did not respect your feelings and took unilateral violent actions. Therefore, you will be sad because of the rabbit, you will also be sad because of your mother's indifference, and you will be sadder because of your own inability to resist the hurt.

It's totally normal to feel this way. It's a double whammy of emotions and relationships that weren't resolved when we were kids. When we grow up, we carry these deep memories with us.

How can we deal with these traumatic memories?

To overcome trauma, we first need to understand how it affects us. Just as a doctor will check where a hand is injured and find out what caused it, we need to understand how trauma affects us. Different injuries require different treatments.

The same goes for childhood trauma. We need to figure out how our mothers' actions have affected us. This includes the internal trauma caused by certain specific behaviors and the neglect of our emotional needs. It's important to remember that our mothers' actions don't define our self-worth. Usually, parents' actions reflect their cognitive thinking and ideas, not our value. (Depending on the depth of the trauma, psychological treatment may be required.)

Second, you need to take a good look at yourself. In other words, you need to change how you see yourself. Kids who have grown up in a traumatized family for a long time can't see themselves clearly. They can't see the problems they've created for themselves. They can't see the way they've been thinking and acting is wrong. It's hard for them to think positively and take action. Sometimes, they blame themselves.

So, who will bring me happiness? It's important to set some boundaries, both physically and psychologically. We can love our parents, but we also need to protect ourselves from their negative influence. Even though we don't live together after growing up, we can still exchange polite greetings during the Spring Festival and other traditional holidays. I have the right not to respond to other uncomfortable questions and requests from my parents.

At this point, you can start to set some boundaries.

Second, it's important to learn to care for yourself and pay attention to your needs. This is a long-term topic because after years of receiving attention and care, people sometimes lose the ability to care for themselves. However, through later cognitive changes, you can slowly focus on your own life while maintaining emotional awareness. This will help you avoid emotional traps and increase the possibility of positive changes. However, you might still feel guilty at this time.

If you feel guilty for not being able to love your parents well or for not being able to save your mother, it's important to remember that you're not responsible for your parents' actions. Parents also need to take responsibility for their own actions. If you can divide up this part of the responsibility, you'll be able to move on from the traumatic experience more quickly.

Finally, you need to let out your sadness about losing the rabbit. When you broke the rabbit, you were actually being very brave and wise because you didn't hurt the other person the same way. At the same time, you let the other person understand your true feelings and emotions, which was a very clever thing to do. But the rabbit is gone, and you're still sad. So, you also need a safe way to mourn.

The best way to deal with this is to write a letter. Even though the bunny is gone, you can still express your feelings by writing a letter, crying, expressing anger and sorrow, and most importantly, letting out all those pent-up emotions. This will help you feel better and also help you move on from this traumatic experience.

I hope these suggestions help you feel a bit better, and I hope my answer is helpful to you.

Best,

Hello!

From the time you were two years old, your life has been one big, exciting adventure! When you started elementary school, your mother returned, and you experienced a whole new side to your relationship with her.

You really went through a lot in your childhood, but you made it through! I'm sending you a big hug from afar to let you know I'm here for you and that I'm rooting for you!

First, people's abilities are changing, which is really exciting!

Your abilities at the age of 1, 7, 15, and 25 are all different—and that's a good thing! It is inappropriate for you to blame your teenage self for not having the abilities you have now.

Because you were a teenager, you didn't have the cognitive ability or strength you have now—and now you do!

At that time, you were unable to protect the rabbit because you were unable to protect it. In fact, at that time, you were unable to protect yourself, so how could you protect the rabbit? But you know what? You're doing great! You're learning and growing every day. And you're going to be able to protect that rabbit one day. I know it!

So you were absolutely right!

Second, our relationships with others are constantly changing—and it's a wonderful thing! The relationship between a mother and her child is also constantly changing, which means there's always something new to discover and enjoy together.

A five-year-old child still depends on his mother and naturally loves her. No matter what she does, even if she goes crazy and scolds or beats you, or even if she beats your rabbit, you will always find excuses for her and firmly believe that she loves you. And that's okay!

At the age of 15, you begin to develop a strong sense of self. What your mother does causes chaos and fear in you, but it also gives you the opportunity to grow and learn.

But deep down, you still love your mother! You will not allow yourself or others to hurt her. When you see your mother being abused, you feel for her and defend her. You want more than anything to protect her!

Now you've discovered the evil of your mother! And after she ran away with your savings book, your relationship with your mother has changed significantly and completely different from before.

Because you discovered that what your mother did to you was not love, but selfishness and cruelty, and it hurt you and showed you no respect. The mother-child relationship became hostile.

You hate her, you loathe her, you condemn her. Now your anger towards her occupies your heart.

The mother-child relationship will continue to change, and who knows—maybe in the future you'll become a whole new person! Because of changes in time, experience, mentality, cognitive level, and personal abilities, the relationship will change accordingly, and a brand new mother-child relationship will develop.

Human beings are complex, as are human relationships. Everything is constantly changing and evolving, and it's all for the better! We must live in the present and adapt to the relationship we have now, which is the best interpretation of the present.

Embrace your journey! Don't criticize your own performance in the relationship, understand your own self at that time, and don't blame yourself.

At every stage of your life, you have made the best choices you could at the time. You have done your absolute best at every stage of the mother-child relationship. This is life: one step leads to the next, and each step is not in vain!

With your current abilities, you can protect yourself and you can protect a little rabbit. You have grown up so much! If you also have the ability to hug the hurt child inside you, please hug him well.

Tell him, "I've got your back! I can protect you from now on, so you're safe from harm."

I highly recommend the book Healing Your Inner Child. I truly hope this book can guide you, give you direction, and allow you to slowly heal your own trauma.

The world and I love you, and you can love yourself too!

Topic author, you are absolutely amazing! Thank you so much for meeting me.

Reading your description, I can feel your inner remorse, self-blame, and anger at your mother's behavior. You're doing great! Hugs to you!

Let's talk about this!

1. Accept yourself!

You are not the child you once were. You have more ability to protect yourself, as well as more resources and options! Thinking about what happened to you then, you may feel weak and guilty. But this just shows that you have grown up now and have more courage and wisdom than you did back then.

Even if you could turn back the clock and go back to when you were that age in that environment and situation, you still wouldn't have been able to protect your rabbit. It's not that you were weak, it's that you didn't have the ability to protect yourself back then. But you've grown since then, and you can do anything you set your mind to!

Embrace your past, and watch your future shine! Accepting yourself as you were back then will allow you to regain the strength that was being drained internally, making you braver and better able to protect yourself.

2. For the rabbit

The rabbit gave you the warmth and companionship you lacked back then. You treated it like a good friend or even a family member, but your mother treated it like that. Back then, you were powerless to protect it, and you felt so much anger, powerlessness, despair, and pain inside. Your mother could never understand that, especially when she was in the middle of an emotional outburst, she saw the rabbit as an object to vent her emotions on, while at the same time thinking that it was just an animal that could be eaten. Chasing after the rabbit and killing it gave her a sense of satisfaction and victory, and finally cooking and feasting on it satisfied her sense of control, conquest, and emotional release.

The loss of the rabbit is a chance to gain power over your emotions. The incident has already happened, and you can choose to move forward from it.

It's time to say goodbye to the little rabbit in your heart! Write down everything you want to say to the rabbit, or use the technique of an empty chair to imagine the empty chair opposite you as your rabbit. Let it all out! If the rabbit could talk, what do you think it would say to you?

All those years of care and love you've shown it, and all those thoughts you've given it over the years have made this life absolutely worthwhile and sufficient! Don't you think so?

3. Love yourself!

You have an instinctive loyalty and love for your mother, so you're happy to help her out by breaking up fights, even though you're afraid she'll get beaten up. You feel disappointed and angry inside when your mother treats you this way, but you still have expectations of her. You hope she'll love you and satisfy your needs, treating you with the tenderness of the perfect mother in your heart, giving you tolerance, respect, and understanding.

Your mother is a work in progress! She has her limitations, her life lessons to learn, and she has a lot of inner deprivation and is not aware of her emotional management. But that doesn't mean she'll always be the way she is!

Who knows? Maybe she'll never notice or change in this lifetime and will remain the same forever. But we can let go of our expectations of her and learn to love ourselves!

By letting go of expectations and clarity about her, you can finally let go of yourself and focus your attention and time on your own amazing growth! You need to be respected, so start respecting yourself!

You need to be protected, so learn to protect yourself first. You need to be understood and recognized, so learn to understand and recognize yourself first. And you can do it!

Embrace your inner light and love yourself! See your inner lack in every little thing in life and satisfy yourself. You will become more and more full of light and love, more and more compassionate and powerful!

If you need a little extra help, you can always seek professional psychological counseling to help you heal your wounds.

I really hope my answer is helpful for you! I wish you the absolute best!

Hello, I'm Tongyan.

You were a child who tried to protect a rabbit. You did nothing wrong. You needed protection too.

Your parents divorced when you were two. Fat Brother's father was displaced from his relatives' home since childhood. By the time he was in elementary school, he had finally managed to bring his mother back home. However, she didn't love him as much as he expected. She scolded and abused him, even though he was very obedient. She even beat your rabbit to death and ate it for dinner.

I think you felt scared and alone.

These experiences were too painful for you as a primary school student. They may have been a trauma.

I don't know what you're doing now.

You have no friends, classmates, teachers, or family members or colleagues around you. You hope that someone can listen to your pain and give you support.

I hope you can get professional help and see your strength. You can write about your trauma on the Yi Xinli platform. I believe you will get over this.

You're obsessed with the fact you didn't protect the rabbit. It's engraved in your mind. You blame yourself, but it's more your fear.

As a child, you wanted to help your rabbit, but your father didn't ask. He ate the rabbit. You felt hopeless and powerless.

You love your mother. When she's being abused by your father, you help her. But when she abuses you, you don't know why.

This isn't your problem. Your mother is emotionally unstable and incapable of loving.

It has nothing to do with you.

It's not your fault that you couldn't protect your rabbit, that your mother treated you badly, or that your parents divorced.

In that environment, it's hard to grow up to be kind and thoughtful.

You've grown up. Tell that child you're not afraid, you'll always be there, and you'll protect her.

Use all the resources around you and get help.

Be more understanding and tolerant of the child from the past. We all know how difficult it was for him. How could the weak child contend with a mother who had gone mad but longed to be loved by her?

Let's wish that child well and hope it gets happier and better.

We wish TA a happy future.

Best,