Resigned from my job and at home for over a month, I've been feeling down lately. How can I adjust?

Reading what you wrote really makes me want to scold you. I feel angry at your misfortune and sad at your inability to fight back. Then I realized that you probably encounter other people's accusations and judgments in your daily life. This makes your sense of self-worth very low, and it will be easy for others to judge you.

First, you have to understand yourself. You're depressed because you've experienced a lot: you resigned, you broke up, you no longer have anyone to devote your energy to, you no longer have a job or a boyfriend. It's normal to feel bad after experiencing a major loss, and it takes time to grieve properly.

Take a good look at these emotions or feelings. Get to know yourself better, support yourself, and respect yourself.

Secondly, you need to learn to express your needs.

Your low sense of self-worth is the result of your parents' constant criticism and your own agreement with them. You're afraid of taking responsibility. This is a conspiracy between you and your father, and together they've created a pattern that's beneficial to you.

On the plus side, you don't have to worry about rent or living expenses. Plus, your father is still supporting you after the breakup. It's also good for your father because it makes him feel better about himself and less guilty about the divorce.

If you're not ready to change and are afraid of it, you need to learn how to make yourself more comfortable in this environment instead of feeling depressed.

Start by learning to express your needs, even if it's just a little at a time. Then, take responsibility for yourself and your responsibilities.

Finally, go through the grieving process in a ritualized way, work through the pain of resignation or breakup, gradually adjust to the change, and build your inner strength.

If you're struggling to cope, you can also find a counselor to help you.

Let's do this!

Good day, original poster.

It appears that there are multiple factors contributing to your current depressive state. For instance, your decision to terminate your employment has led to feelings of anxiety, hindering your ability to maintain a consistent routine or adhere to a healthy diet. Additionally, you have experienced the distress associated with a romantic relationship dissolution. While you perceive yourself to have a fearful attachment style, your description indicates that you were the initiator in communicating with the other individual. This may not be a definitive indicator of fear. It would be valuable to understand your perception of the core characteristics of a fearful attachment.

Due to the single-parent family structure, you reside with your father, who exhibits a proclivity for control and a tendency to blame you. Given your constrained financial resources, you are constrained to endure your father's emotional outbursts within the home. You aspire to implement changes, yet you perceive yourself to be powerless. Your parents frequently reprimand and blame you, which evokes feelings of sadness, distress, and anxiety. It is recommended that you provide yourself with a comforting embrace.

How might one adjust? My recommendation is as follows:

Firstly, it is important to ascertain whether your emotional state is a result of external factors, such as the weather or other environmental influences. If your anxiety is caused by external factors, you can attempt to make adjustments so that you are aware of your emotions and can analyse the reasons for their occurrence. This will enable you to make changes to your circumstances if necessary.

In the context of one's professional life, it is possible that remaining at home may result in feelings of anxiety. In such instances, it may be beneficial to pursue a position that offers financial stability and autonomy. With regard to interpersonal relationships, it is evident that considerable effort has been invested in attempting to salvage the relationship. However, if the other party does not demonstrate a willingness to cherish and support the individual, it may be challenging to envision a future together. In such cases, it may be helpful to consider letting go of the relationship and exploring opportunities for forming a new bond with a more compatible partner.

Secondly, the paternal figure in question exhibits a pronounced tendency to exert control, which can be attributed to the influence of his own family. Despite his status as a parental figure, he is also subject to the influence of his family of origin. It is essential to accept one's parents' approach to education while simultaneously developing the capacity to introspect and ascertain one's needs, recognize one's identity, and satisfy one's own requirements. This process of introspection and self-care is crucial for fostering resilience and strength.

Third, it is important to learn to express one's needs and rejections. When one's parents scold them, it is beneficial to respond in a calm and assertive manner, such as saying, "XX, I'm very sad now. Why do you always blame me?"

Please refrain from further accusations.

Indeed, parents are not immune to concerns and apprehensions. They may be anxious about our inability to become self-sufficient, our capacity to care for ourselves, or our potential to evade their influence. This can give rise to a pervasive fear of losing control.

Fourth, it is imperative to cultivate the ability to think critically about one's future and to assume responsibility for it. Regardless of one's familial background, it is crucial to become an autonomous individual, encompassing mental, personal, and financial independence. It is essential to possess a clear understanding of one's position, to establish one's own plans and principles, to assertively reject any infringement on one's fundamental interests in any relationship, to learn to express one's refusal, and to courageously assume responsibility for the outcomes of one's actions. We are the sole arbiters of our choices, and no individual can be held responsible for them. It is imperative to contemplate the type of life one aspires to lead, the qualities one seeks in a partner, and the personal and moral standards one strives to uphold. These are complex and challenging subjects that require introspection and self-reflection. However, they are also essential elements in the journey towards personal growth and maturity.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to you. Wishing you the best.

Dear author, It is evident from your words that you are attached to your boyfriend and reluctant to let go.

From the text, it is evident that you have formed a strong attachment to your boyfriend and are reluctant to let go. His indifference has left you feeling helpless and has had a detrimental impact on your life. You are uncertain about the way forward.

The familial environment evokes feelings of resentment and sadness. There is a desire for independence, yet a lack of financial stability.

What is the optimal solution to these issues?

It is imperative to confront reality and cease actions prematurely.

In the context of romantic relationships, unreciprocated devotion is an inadequate foundation for a fulfilling life. If a partner no longer desires the relationship, it is not reasonable to expect continued involvement.

It would be prudent to organize one's thoughts and work assiduously to become a better version of oneself and to find a more suitable partner. Primarily, one must have confidence in oneself, love oneself sufficiently, and possess the capacity to love oneself before one can love others.

In terms of life, one cannot always rely on one's parents. Given that you have terminated your employment, it would be prudent to seek a position that will enable you to not only survive but also to develop professionally.

One may take time to recuperate when fatigued, yet this does not signify an intention to abandon one's efforts. The impediment to a new way of life is not the influence of one's parents, but rather the individual's own actions.

However, the decision to embark on a new life is ultimately a personal one.

As the adage states, love and dreams necessitate a worthy adversary.

It is my sincere hope that you will not compromise in life and that you will meet someone with whom you are willing to share your happiness, and who is similarly committed to making you happy in return.

I extend my best wishes to you.

Hello. Thank you for your question. I'm learning.

I understand your situation. You're dealing with the pain of a breakup, the pain of not being understood by your father, the pain of not being understood by strangers, and some pressure from quitting your job. It's a lot to handle. I get it. You're not as fragile as people say. You've been in this environment for so long and you're still seeking help for so many things. This shows you're a strong, self-reliant person who wants a better life. This is who you are. People say these things because they don't know you or they can't empathize. So, you need to soothe your emotions.

I have a few suggestions for you.

First, find a job. You quit your job and now have no income, so you will feel pressure. Find a job as soon as possible. You are strong. For your future, first make yourself financially independent. You can live independently now. Find a job and then live on your own. Adjust your mentality. When you are in a bad mood, take a nap. When you wake up, you can figure it out. Not getting enough sleep will only make you more anxious and unproductive.

Our original family has a huge influence on us. To get away from that influence, we need to become financially independent. Then, we can slowly become more independent in other ways. Our fathers are shaped by their environments and experiences, so it's hard for us to change them. We can only change ourselves. Whoever suffers, whoever changes. We must believe that through our changes, we can get the life we want. Think of a way, find a breakthrough, and then start your own life. We are trying to live on our own now, and our father doesn't need our care. We take care of ourselves first, and we can take care of our father when we are able.

It's sad to break up with your boyfriend, but we have to look at it rationally. If we can get back together, we should do so. If not, we should love ourselves. When we love ourselves, we learn to be responsible and to love others. To love ourselves, we should take care of ourselves. When we are better, we will have bargaining power.

Hello. Not everyone understands you, so find someone who does. Take care of yourself, and don't argue with your father. Thank you for asking this question. You have shown us your courage and strength. The world and I love you.

Hello, dear girl! I am Xing Ying, a listening therapist at Yixin and a national Level 3 psychological counselor.

I can't instantly solve your problem and make you feel better by answering a few hundred questions. I can't give you strength and solve all your problems in life.

I want you to know that I care about you deeply.

I'm angry!

Psychological knowledge is not something we use to label people. Remove the labels of "fearful attachment," "mega baby," and "weak" from yourself! You have the right to decide whether you are or not. No one else has the right to label you with these words. If others label you, you have the right to remove them. You have the right to decide who you are and what you are called.

I'm going to share my understanding of psychology with you.

Psychology helps us understand our inner desires and know what we need.

If you want to be cared for and loved, to have a father who talks to you properly, to find someone who understands you and can have a chat with you, then you need to listen to your inner longings! Seeing your desires makes you aware of how you can fulfill them. It's like knowing whether I'm thirsty or hungry, so I can decide whether to drink water or eat dry food. Listen to your inner longings!

Psychology can show us our strengths and help us understand what we can do.

You broke up with your boyfriend, but there must have been something about you that attracted him when you first met. What was it? You earned a salary on your own before you quit your job. What are your strengths?

You grew up in a single-parent family, and there were undoubtedly unhappy experiences in your past. How did you overcome these challenges? Did you engage in activities that brought you joy?

These are your strengths! You can also actively seek help from a listening friend or a good friend who understands you. Use the existing conditions to transform your "own space" in various ways, such as your own online space, your own notebook, your own clothing, etc.

Psychology also allows us to see our own limitations and accept that there are things we cannot do for the time being.

For example, I don't have the ability to confront my father directly or change him for the time being. I want to move out, but my finances don't allow it for the time being. Despite my efforts, the outcome of this relationship may not be what I want, but I will make it what I want.

If he can't do it, he needs to admit it and accept it!

Psychology allows us to understand others' limitations by understanding ourselves.

For example, you know your father is just an ordinary man with many flaws. You know he can't be brave, and he can't be kind and gentle without losing his temper.

He loved you, but his love was clumsy. He scolded you for being a baby, worried that you would not be able to take care of yourself in the future. He spent money to try to take care of you in every way, but he was completely unaware that these were not what you wanted. He bought and designed the wardrobe, desk, and bookcase for himself. His actions will undoubtedly bring you sadness and pain, but the fact is that he just wasn't capable of being what you wanted him to be.

If you see this, you must realize that your father's all-encompassing care and control has had an impact on your character.

If you want to become braver, you can start making small changes. Start with the things that don't require your father's care and take care of him instead. When you can do something for your father in return, even if it's just cooking a meal or doing the laundry, he'll realize you've grown up!

You tell yourself, "Hmph. I'm not a baby. I'm taking care of you."

When your father scolds you and makes you feel sad, remember: You're not a baby. You can see him throwing tantrums like a child and losing control of his emotions. You're an adult. You can see his sadness and fear.

When your boyfriend is cold to you, tell yourself: I'm not a baby. I can take care of myself, even if it's hard to leave.

In short, knowledge of psychology allows us to see the possibility of growth and to see hope and direction. I know you're not a baby. You're just a little hurt right now, and you need someone to accompany you and understand you!

I wish you well, girl. I know how hard it is for you, but you will grow. The world and I love you.

Hello, colleague!

I can see that there are lots of great answers here, and the people who've responded have given you a lot of advice from a psychological perspective and some practical problem-solving tips. I think you'll find them really helpful.

Then I'll stick around, and we'll close our eyes and imagine our lives together. Once you've read our suggestions, you'll have a meal, watch some funny stand-up comedy, tidy up your room while you watch, then go and wash your face, put on a face mask, check your hair, see if you need a new style, and if you're in a good mood, you'll revise your CV a little, prepare some of your past work experiences to highlight, and prepare for the next interview. You'll send out some CVs, and if the weather's nice, you'll go for a walk, exercising either by jogging or just walking slowly, enjoying the moment, the temperature. If you've done all this during the day, you'll have enjoyed the sunshine, right? You can go and buy yourself a drink, then buy some food to cook with your father, and tell him, "I'm sending out CVs, I'll find work soon, don't stress, I'm here with you, we'll figure something out together.

My father has his own pressures and issues to deal with. We won't go into too much detail here.

After sending out your resume for a few days, you'll likely find a job and spend less time with your father. If you're still uncomfortable, you can use excuses like the workplace being far from home, wanting to save time to study for certificates, or always having to work overtime. You can move out and rent a small room with a window facing the sunrise, live on your own, cook your own meals, save money, and stay healthy. Then, in the process, adjust your communication with your father. Of course, don't forget to take care of yourself, dress up, make more friends, and meet some good boys. I believe a wonderful future is beckoning you!