Senior high school student, my mother scolds me every day, calling me a waste and saying I have nothing to offer?

Hello, classmate. I can see you're feeling confused right now. I'm here to support you!

It seems like you're facing some family issues right now. I'm here for you, and I want to give you another warm hug.

I don't think you're a waste at all.

You know you can come to us with any problems you're having. We're here to help.

You're currently a senior in high school, and while your grades aren't the best, you're in the second tier.

So, the best thing you can do now is work hard in these last few months, get a good score on the college entrance exam, and get into college.

Once you've got some good results under your belt, your mother will stop criticizing you and saying you're useless.

If you think you'll be rejected and discouraged by your mother whenever you stay at home over the next few months, you can tell your teacher about your current family situation.

If the school has a dorm, your teacher might be able to arrange for you to live there until the end of the college entrance exam.

It's possible that your mother has high expectations of you because you come from a single-parent family.

To sum up, I think the best way for you now is to get good grades with practical actions. That way, your mother will have no reason to criticize you.

I really hope you can find a good solution to the problem you're having soon.

That's all I can think of for now.

I hope my above answers are helpful and inspiring to you. I'm here to help, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and wish you the best!

Hello, question asker! It's a pleasure meeting you. I've heard your heart, and I've read your words over and over again. I feel so bad for you, and I want to give you a big hug!

Let's dive right in and explore this together!

Your grades could be better, but I'm sure you can do it! I don't know what the original poster's ideal grades are, but I know you can reach them. Where is the goal?

You think your personality is strange, and your comments about yourself here are very heartbreaking. But you know what? We can change! We can become better people. We can become the amazing people we know we can be!

Oh, what a wonderful question! I'd love to know what kind of person you were as a child.

My mother has such a strong personality! I can think of a dialogue: "How does one become an emperor?"

"Just have a baby," your mother will think that you must obey her as a matter of course. Maybe she doesn't love you any less, but she just doesn't know how to love, she doesn't know the right way to do it, she doesn't know how to express it. Psychologically, she is not yet a mature mother — but she will be!

It is hard to change other people. But you can change yourself and influence others! Don't deny yourself because your mother has denied you. Look at you! You are in your third year of high school and are ready to go to university!

You've grown up, and you're saying here that you "don't know how to care for your mother." I believe that's not true! You definitely understand your mother's hard work. If you made a million dollars, would you take your mother out to eat lots of delicious food and take her on a trip?

Absolutely!

Your grades aren't where you want them to be, and you're only going to a second-tier university. But do you know that the undergraduate enrollment rate in China is less than 5%? That means there's a world of opportunity out there for you!

And there's still time! Don't give up. I remember the first time I went to the counseling room, I didn't do well on the exam.

I told my teacher, "I've got to get into a top university." The teacher said, "You don't have to get into a top university, a second-tier university is also very good." But at that time, I was determined to go to a good university because I knew that it was the best chance for me to escape from the stinky and decaying life. Senior year was actually the most painful year for me. Whether it was studying or interpersonal relationships, my best friend was the books.

In the end, I got in! When I first started my senior year of high school, I only had the scores to get into a second-tier university.

I believe in you! You have suffered so much, but I know that the suffering of studying will definitely not be that bad.

I totally get you. It's been tough, but after the college entrance exam, you'll have the chance to make your dreams come true!

The world is so big! Let's go see it together!

At such a beautiful age, let's not hold grudges against our mothers' unpleasant words. Our brains should now be filled with knowledge and happiness! I believe in you, and the future is so, so promising!

The world and I love you!

Questioner:

Hello! Your words reveal a frustrated and helpless voice.

Don't listen to that helpless voice. Dry your tears and be careful not to damage your health by crying. You must be

You must be feeling terrible, unable to extricate yourself from your mother's negative comments about you.

I'll give you a hug of love (๑^o^๑)۶. You'll calm down.

Baby, you're very good. You don't need to be sad or feel inferior.

Don't belittle yourself. You're not social trash. Everyone in this world

Your value is not up for debate.

I don't know if you've heard this before, but when someone seriously doubts their

He always feels that he is not good enough. When he listens to other people's opinions and denies himself, he develops a mentality called [...]

When people deny themselves, they already have a mentality called...

You have low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem means that a person amplifies the inner voice that denies themselves infinitely.

A person with low self-esteem glorifies the

They also underestimated their abilities in the eyes of others.

Manifestations of low self-esteem: 1. Extremely vulnerable

Pursuit of perfection.

They doubt their abilities and fail to see their own value.

Fear of being rejected.

Fear of change is another common manifestation of low self-esteem.

⑥ Don't let others dictate your needs.

7. Self-loathing and not liking oneself.

A lack of self-confidence can lead to low self-esteem, which in turn can lead to feeling extremely insecure and seriously doubting your own value. I don't know if this applies to you. Make your own judgment based on your actual situation.

This type of person will feel worthless, unqualified, and unable to influence anything. Once they hit rock bottom, they will resign themselves to fate. They will listen to other people's words and use other people's malicious words as a standard to judge themselves.

You need to change your low self-esteem.

Don't label yourself. Learn to recognize yourself.

The labeling effect is a proven phenomenon. When a person is labeled, they self-regulate themselves according to the content of the label, causing them to develop in the direction of the label. This theory was proposed by the American psychologist Beck, and it shows the power of suggestion. For example, if your mother abuses you by saying that you are worthless, or if you think of yourself as social trash, this is her and your labeling behavior. If this continues over time, you will become more and more negative, head in a bad direction, and lose confidence.

Labeling is a form of fixed thinking. It forces a child into a certain mold, defining their character, behavior, and thoughts. Labeling a child is akin to taking away another possibility, robbing them of the chance to grow.

Many people in life label themselves. They fail, then say they are no good. They lose their fighting spirit in the face of others' subjective and malicious comments. They become passive and cry all the time, harming their own bodies. Why bother? You are the only one who can make decisions. You cannot let others define you. Someone with good academic results may not be outstanding once they enter society. Good academic results do not mean everything.

Don't measure yourself by your academic performance. Learn to recognize yourself. Don't give yourself negative suggestions. Don't be anxious to self-negate. Examine yourself objectively. Play to your strengths. Don't use your weaknesses to compare with other people's strengths. You will always lose if you keep talking about it.

In "Longing for Life," Song Dandan boldly shared her darkest period, when she was wrapped in negative energy and the chaotic comments on the internet had a huge impact on her.

She learned not to care about other people's words because everyone's thoughts are subjective and not objective. She only uses the standards that an actor should have to demand from herself and follows her heart. She knows that as long as she has a clear conscience, every moment is the best of herself.

You should be like Song Dandan. Don't care what your mother says. Do what you should do. Learn to recognize yourself. Agree with the idea that your existence is valuable. Demand that you become what you want to be.

Build self-confidence. Studying is a way to grow quickly.

German psychologist Stephanie Stahl has spent years researching and practicing psychological techniques to boost self-esteem and self-confidence. Her book, "Accept Yourself: How to Overcome Your Inherent Weaknesses," is a game-changer for anyone struggling with low self-esteem and self-neglect.

Set a goal for yourself.

Set a goal that you can achieve, maintain self-discipline, and accumulate a sense of accomplishment from it. Through one "small success" after another, you will build up your confidence and get out of the predicament of low self-esteem.

Set achievable goals for yourself. Set goals that take into account your actual situation and interests. Know exactly what you want. You are a senior high school student and should have your own university to apply to. Study the subject you are weak in. Diligence can compensate for lack of intelligence. In your spare time, learn to make small handicrafts to cultivate your sense of achievement.

Don't compare yourself to others.

Comparison is the grave of happiness. Those who compare themselves to others need to be affirmed by the praise of others. This is a sad state of affairs. They have lost their happiness. They spend their energy comparing themselves with others. There is no time to relax the body and mind.

If you compare yourself to others, you haven't recognized yourself. You live your life based on how you think others see you. To understand yourself, you must know your personality, your shortcomings, and your strengths. Know where your strengths lie and where your weaknesses are. Don't belittle yourself due to others' negativity or become arrogant due to their praise. Don't feel proud when comparing your strengths to others or frustrated when comparing your weaknesses to others.

You must learn not to care about what others say.

You must learn not to care about what your mother says. What other people say reflects their subjective wishes and their subconscious thoughts. You may have been psychologically projected.

Projection is a psychological phenomenon in which a person unconsciously transfers the values, emotions, likes, and dislikes of their inner life onto people, events, and things in the external world.

Your mother belittles and denies you because of her own upbringing in her childhood. She also grew up without receiving love from her family. She unintentionally learned her parents' attitude towards her and continues to use it on you. For example, your mother rejects the facts that she cannot accept, her personality, her beliefs, and her desires, and she dumps them all on her children. In fact, they are all her own dissatisfaction.

For example, if you see her scolding you when you cry, her anger represents her incompetence, which is equivalent to a loud slap in the face. Your crying reminds her of the fact that she is not a good mother, and she knows it.

Understand your mother's psychological activities, which means that it is not your fault. You are not a worthless person, so you don't have to care about your mother's verbal violence. Do what you should do, follow your own path, and ignore her words. Don't care about them. Fill your heart with goodness, strengthen your heart, read more books and newspapers, interact and communicate with more outstanding people, broaden your horizons, and when you become successful, you can look back at that verbal violence and realize that it really doesn't matter.

That's all I have to say. I'm confident my answer will open your mind.

I wish you a bright future!

Hello,

Host:

After reading the post, it was clear to me that the poster was suffering from self-attack and pain. At the same time, I also noticed that the poster was courageous in expressing his distress and actively seeking help on the platform. This undoubtedly helped the poster to better understand himself, his mother, and the essence of the problem.

Next, I will share my observations and thoughts from the post, which will help the poster view the current situation from a different perspective.

1. Stop attacking yourself!

From the post, it's clear that the poster is her own worst enemy. She's convinced she's fat, lazy, stupid, unlikable, doesn't care about her mother, thinks she's a waste of space, can't do anything well, is slow at homework, is worse at sports than others, and is useless.

The poster must realize that when he attacks himself like this, his state is getting worse and worse. He is falling apart.

You need to ask yourself: is all your energy being used to attack yourself? Is there any energy left to study?

I want to make one thing clear to the poster after reading the post: stop attacking yourself!

This is the cruelest thing we can do to ourselves. Many people believe in critical education and think that criticism will make people progress, but they are wrong.

Is that really the case? The truth is, our own self-attack is often the last straw that breaks us. The reality is, our gentle care for ourselves will give us the strength to go further.

Stop self-attacking! When you realize you're doing it again, stop. Do something else to distract yourself, like singing.

Stop the self-attacking thoughts. Don't let your emotions lead you.

2. We all play the game of projecting identity sometimes.

I don't know if the original poster has ever had a moment like this, where we really want to do something when someone says something about us. For example, sometimes we don't want to sleep in, but as soon as our parents say something like, "Why do you always sleep in?," we instantly forget about it.

This is a game of projected identification. Parents project their thoughts onto us, and we identify with their projections and do as they say.

The poster mentioned in the post that her mother always scolded her for being worthless. She also thought of herself as fat, lazy, stupid, and unappealing and considered herself useless. The poster must consider that she only behaved this way because she identified with her mother's projection and thus created this image of herself.

The host must explore this.

I remember there was once a story about a girl who was always sick as a child, so her mother always kept the house spotless. Through subsequent counseling, she discovered that her mother's belief that her body was sick was the cause of her illness, not her body itself.

At that time, her mother had just divorced, and she needed to find a sense of self-worth. The daughter identified with her mother's projection and was very "cooperative" in getting sick.

The original poster must also examine whether her mother's projection and her own identification with it have shaped her current behavior. This is not to blame her mother, but to gain insight into oneself.

And adjust ourselves accordingly. If so, we can consciously stop identifying with our mothers, and that will make a difference.

3. Reconciled with your own family of origin.

When we realize that our mother molded us into who we are today, we will undoubtedly feel anger towards her. It is crucial at this moment to express these emotions in a reasonable manner.

For example, find a suitable place to say everything you want to say, express your feelings and thoughts. This will relieve your emotions.

Dealing with our emotions well is the key to reconciling with our family of origin. Reconciliation is not about making peace; it's about taking responsibility for our lives and our emotions.

The original poster is still in school and may not yet be able to stand on their own, but we can prepare ourselves for that and grow ourselves.

When we blame others, we absolve ourselves of responsibility. We stop growing and we stop transcending ourselves when we do this.

If you want to be happier, more joyful, and more powerful, you have to take responsibility for your life. Take responsibility for your emotions.

The quote in the book "The Body Knows the Answer" is right: suffering is a choice. The past does not make us suffer; we choose to let these things affect us.

We can choose to be less painful. That is reconciliation.

If the reconciliation is successful, you will gain another form of reward for the suffering you have endured.

4. Accept yourself, just as you are.

From the post, it's clear the poster is suffering. But why?

The fact is, we lack acceptance of our current selves. We don't want to be who we are.

We want to be the ideal version of ourselves. And it is precisely because of the existence of this ideal version of ourselves that when the real version of ourselves does not live up to the ideal, we will constantly attack the current self and deplete our energy.

We can prevent internal depletion by accepting ourselves as we are. Only by accepting ourselves as we are can we grow and make changes within our capabilities. We will no longer waste energy on self-attack.

Therefore, accept what you cannot change now and focus on what you can change. Take one step at a time and get to where you want to be.

I am Zeng Chen, a certified psychosynthesis coach, and I am confident that these words will be of some help and inspiration to the poster.

Hello, my dear friend! I'll give you a warm hug from afar first.

It's totally normal to feel the effects of not being respected and understood by your mother, especially when you're always being scolded. It can make you feel really insecure, lacking in self-confidence, self-love, and love.

It's so important to remember that we can't choose our family of origin and parents. All we can do is try to accept them, and I know that's easier said than done!

It can be really tough when you're facing constant rejection, harshness, belittling, criticism, and blows from your single mother. It's so important to try to bravely express your true feelings in that moment, as well as how you long to be treated, so that she realizes that her words and actions have deeply hurt you. It's not your job to judge her actions, but only to express your true feelings.

You've clearly seen how your mother's treatment has caused you harm. It's time to love yourself as the ideal good parent and make up for what you lacked from her. Keeping an emotional diary is a great way to work through your feelings. You can express your emotions, explore what's behind them, and find better ways to respond to your inner needs.

Hi, I'm Lily, the little listener at the Q&A Pavilion. The world and I love you!

Hello, From reading your message, I get the impression that you are an idealistic person. However, being in the third year of high school, in an environment that is bound to be anxiety-inducing, boring, and full of pressure, I feel that you may also be becoming nervous, anxious, and flustered. Even your family may be feeling the strain due to all this external and internal pressure. I am currently a third-year student at an ordinary second-tier university. Although I am just an ordinary second-tier university student, I was very excited and happy the moment I received the notification letter.

At university, I made an effort to attend classes every day, treat people sincerely, make good friends, and gain unexpected things that were hard-won, both academically and otherwise. It's possible that your excellence may be invisible to you, let alone to others.

Family is a harbor for life. It is only natural to encounter puberty and menopause, but I believe that our parents sincerely want the best for us. However, due to feudal thinking or the desire for our children to succeed, they may have inadvertently caused you discomfort. But no one is perfect. We can communicate more with our parents, and solving problems is half the battle. I hope you can try it too. In terms of learning, we just have to keep working hard, and everything will slowly get better, and you will slowly become what you expect.

Let's support each other and celebrate together.