Should I learn to share or accept the current situation, afraid of losing something?

Hello! I saw your question and I can tell you're a kind person who knows how to take care of yourself.

First, you found this empty dormitory, so you went there to wash, read, make phone calls, and enjoy the independence of being alone and not being disturbed. It's really nice to find such a quiet place outside the hustle and bustle of life, where you can take care of your emotions and feelings without being disturbed, and where you can express your emotions freely!

Secondly, you want your roommates to go, but they don't. You're concerned about how you'll handle relationships with people from other dorms and the shared cleaning of the room.

You can accept the people in the same dormitory, but you just don't want to go with unfamiliar people, right? Do you generally prefer to avoid dealing with strangers?

Are you afraid of or unwilling to deal with conflict with strangers? Do you have a good relationship with your roommates?

A good dormitory relationship will give you a lot of strength and security. You might as well look into this.

Third, you said whether you should continue to sneak in or share it with everyone. My feeling is that there's no need to share it.

You've just found such an empty dormitory, and you're not sure whether you should take it or not, so there's no need to share it. If you feel comfortable there, just stay there.

At the end of the day, everyone has different preferences, and not everyone is going to feel as comfortable there as you do. So, just go by yourself and don't worry about it too much.

Fourth, you mentioned how to adjust your mindset to make yourself comfortable. It's normal to have these thoughts, and most people probably have similar thoughts, so don't worry about it.

My advice is to just go with the flow. If no one comes, you can enjoy your independence. If someone comes, you have to face it. The key is to take care of yourself so you feel comfortable.

I hope this helps! Best regards,

Hello, I am a counselor at Xinquan Psychology. First of all, I want to congratulate you on your ability to perceive things clearly. (Perceiving things clearly means that you can clearly know what you are experiencing and what is happening around you.) Because of this ability, you can explain things clearly and understandably.

You may not have noticed this ability of yours before, but you should.

Second: Be happy about being alone. You can read a book or make a phone call.

It's quiet, and no one bothers you. It's your own personal space, free from interpersonal problems, where you can rest and freshen up.

Then it becomes your spiritual home, comfortable and at ease.

Third: When you want to monopolize it (no derogatory meaning), when you want to keep the space to yourself, trouble arises. You start to fear loss, fear of being taken away, and worries come at the same time. What you originally felt was no longer enjoyable, nor did it make you feel at ease. What was good started to become bad.

This process is the source of suffering. It's the desire to remain in a comfortable state of affairs without change. It's the desire not to share with others and not to be discovered.

I am certain you have experienced this kind of suffering. It entangles the heart, irritates people, and brings no peace.

My advice is simple: go with the flow and enjoy yourself alone if you can. If someone calls out to you, share with them sincerely. You might meet a new friend or find that other people just know and won't go, just like your roommate.

Finally, you must accept that finding a space to be alone is a gift in itself. Enjoy it, and don't be sneaky about it. Being sneaky is just a state of mind, a feeling.

Don't cling to it, don't get involved in it. Relax and accept it!

You haven't stolen anything, have you?

Peace and joy!

Hi there!

If you find a beautiful "secret base" where you can be alone, should you share it with others or go there alone to enjoy your solitude?

I'm on board with the latter!

Why can't you have your own preferences? When this preference doesn't cause any inconvenience to others and you take care of it yourself, there's no need to evaluate your actions and say they're bad. You can accept what you really need. But why does the questioner hesitate and feel confused? It's because they haven't been encouraged and trusted enough as they've grown up.

People who feel secure and people who don't have different ways of seeing and dealing with the same situation. Just as people with blood types A, B, O and AB have different reactions when faced with the same exam question, so too do people from different backgrounds have different levels of energy. People with a strong sense of security can express great confidence in the face of uncertainty, while people who lack a sense of security are prone to being sensitive, negative and evasive.

If you find a place to be alone that makes you feel comfortable, and you don't like entering into relationships during your free time, then you can choose to do what your heart truly desires, without telling anyone so as not to disturb yourself. Even if you encounter classmates in the hallway, it is a smart and flexible approach to avoid misunderstandings or distress caused by "dormitory" issues by using evasive and tactful methods. If someone comes to accuse you of being selfish, you can ask them, "On what basis and with what qualifications do you point your finger at me?" People who say this may not be able to do what Kong Rong did in real life.

In life, learning to recognize your own needs and give them the attention and care they deserve is the key to maintaining a healthy inner energy and emotional balance. As we mentioned earlier, different people have different ways of dealing with the same problem and different attitudes. What's your attitude and choice? What do you want? It's up to you to discover and define your own answer.

If a classmate finds the "secret base," the questioner might feel guilty. But we know that guilt is an emotion that comes when we do something wrong and want to take responsibility. In this case, the questioner doesn't have to take responsibility. The dormitory counselor has to find the secret base first. Otherwise, the dormitory can't be used whenever someone wants. Being bold is a way to confirm who you are. You can speak your mind kindly, but you don't have to please or beg for forgiveness.

Wishing you the best!

Good day, my name is Liu Yong.

From your description, it appears that you have identified a location that offers a solution to the issues associated with the current dormitory environment. This includes the lack of a private bathroom, the necessity to queue for washing up facilities, and the requirement to engage in shared cleaning tasks. The location you have identified is akin to a small, secluded garden, where you can engage in leisure activities, make telephone calls, wash up without queuing, and express your emotions freely. This provides a sense of liberation and autonomy.

These specific examples illustrate that one's aversion may not be to the object itself, but rather to the feelings that the object evokes. This realization often leads to the inadvertent discovery of methods to elicit positive emotions, yet there is often a reluctance to share this knowledge with others. This can result in feelings of undeserved acquisition, which can cause significant distress and anxiety.

One might be inclined to perceive the aforementioned assertions as pertaining solely to one's own subjective experiences, and thus as distinct from the experiences of others. However, this perception is erroneous. Humans, as a species, exhibit a multitude of shared characteristics, including emotional responses. It is, therefore, unsurprising that individuals may exhibit similar emotional reactions to similar stimuli. Consequently, it is not uncommon for individuals to experience confusion and discomfort when confronted with circumstances that evoke a particular emotional response. At this juncture, the primary objective is not to determine the optimal course of action, but rather to identify strategies that will facilitate a sense of comfort.

The individual has observed their own feelings and simultaneously desires to eliminate those of an unfavorable nature through the adoption of a positive attitude. This indicates that the individual has identified their own inner needs. Consequently, they are able to follow their inner voice and engage in behaviors that are comfortable for them. There is nothing inherently problematic with this approach. However, it is important to recognize that we are all social beings and must therefore learn to interact with others in a manner that is mutually beneficial. The quality of one's interpersonal relationships serves as a crucial determinant of their overall happiness. Therefore, if an individual can achieve a balance where they are comfortable while simultaneously maintaining or establishing positive relationships with others, that would be the optimal outcome. However, if this balance cannot be attained, there are two potential outcomes: one, where the individual prioritizes their own comfort at the expense of others, and two, where the individual chooses to prioritize proximity to others despite the discomfort it may cause them. These two outcomes are the options available to the individual, and the consequences of their choice are ultimately their responsibility to bear.

It is essential to ascertain which result one is more willing to accept as a matter of inner need.

It is my sincere hope that the aforementioned observations and suggestions will prove beneficial in facilitating your pursuit of optimal comfort. I extend my warmest regards to you, and I am Liu Yong.

I extend a gesture of support and encouragement to the original poster.

The questioner's description is as follows:

I am a 22-year-old female. I discovered an unoccupied dormitory room that had been vacated by my seniors following the conclusion of their internships. I am able to utilize this space for personal hygiene, repose, and other activities.

Such activities as reading a book or making a phone call are permitted. The environment is conducive to study and relaxation, and one is unlikely to be disturbed.

I am concerned that if others become aware of my actions, they may be taken away. I am uneasy about losing my alone time and engaging in clandestine behavior.

Furthermore, the use of shared resources gives rise to feelings of guilt.

The questioner's confusion pertains to the following:

The question thus arises as to whether the behavior in question should be accepted as "stealthy" or shared openly.

I am disinclined to return to the dormitory, as I do not feel at ease there.

What modifications to my cognitive framework might facilitate greater comfort?

A word to the questioner

The questioner would be well advised to consider not whether to reveal the secret space, but rather how to face it all with an open mind and a certain degree of mental resilience.

It is important to consider several factors. One is that the questioner may prefer a personal space and may be uncomfortable with the presence of others. The questioner appears to be introverted and seems to enjoy solitude. It may be challenging to identify an empty room that meets some of the questioner's needs. This is a normal phenomenon.

Additionally, it is important to recognize that one's ability to control their own behavior is limited. It is not possible to prevent others from encroaching upon a space that does not belong to you. After all, individuals with whom you are acquainted will become aware of this situation, and it is also possible that someone will move into this space at some point in the future. This is all beyond our control. It is essential to accept calmly the unexpected that may disrupt your current space.

Another reason for the lack of ease is that the current location is not a personal space, as it does not belong to the individual. Consequently, staying in this space may result in feelings of unease. It is therefore not possible to fully enjoy the situation.

The questioner must consider the following: how can they accept the situation, enjoy the present, and not fear the future? The questioner may need to find peace within themselves so that they will not be overly sensitive to external changes.