Should the sister and her boyfriend get back together for the child's sake, given that the nephew is attached to his uncle?

Hello!

Host:

From the post, I can see the child is attached to the uncle. The poster is also brave and has sought help. This will help him understand the situation better.

I will also share my thoughts, which may help the original poster think differently.

1. See if the child is traumatized.

The poster's sister divorced due to domestic violence. Has the child been affected?

Does he lack security? Has the sister told the child about the divorce?

Has the child been given psychological support? This can have a big impact on the child.

Why is the child attached to this uncle? Is it because he is good to him?

What does the child need? Can those needs be met in other ways?

The child is attached to this uncle. Is it because the uncle and mom's breakup reminded him of his parents' divorce? Did it reactivate his trauma?

The original poster should think about these things.

See a counselor.

These issues need to be handled by professionals. This will be better for the child.

If possible, arrange for your child to get psychological counseling. This is not to diagnose a problem, but to help them develop a healthier mentality.

The sister's ex-boyfriend said they won't get back together.

If you rely on the child, what about the sister? The situation is difficult and nerve-wracking.

There's no way for us to do this. Maybe a professional would know. Finding a way to help the child and heal past trauma might be better.

Psychological problems need to be handled slowly.

The problem can't be solved in one go. It will take time, especially for young children.

If you're in a bad situation, try to stabilize it. Then, take it one step at a time.

Give everyone time to grow.

Give yourself and everyone time and space when you don't have enough energy to solve the problem. When you have the energy, go back and look at it again.

I hope these words help the poster. I am Zeng Chen, a counselor.

Good day, my name is Strawberry.

From the information provided, it is evident that the sister has experienced challenges in her romantic relationships. Domestic violence is unacceptable and the decision to end the relationship is justified. However, the circumstances surrounding the separation from the boyfriend are not fully known, which limits the ability to provide guidance.

The two-year period during which the nephew spent time with his uncle indicates that he derived significant benefit from their relationship. He appeared to feel a sense of security and a need to be seen and needed, which made the adults' decision to separate difficult for him to accept.

Due to the frequency with which my mother changed partners, the child's attachment was disrupted, resulting in the observed behavior. It is also possible that his actions are intentional, as he may feel that his words are ineffective in achieving his goals, leading him to escalate his behavior to express his needs and wants to be seen.

First, it is important to calm the child's emotions.

It is currently still of great importance for your uncle to resume a normal relationship with the child. You should therefore speak to him to ascertain whether he would be willing to act as a companion for the child, with a view to enabling the child to gradually cease self-harming. In the presence of others, the child can gradually accept that the relationship between adults has broken down and that they are no longer together. However, they can still maintain a positive relationship with each other.

If the uncle is amenable, it is important to ensure that the child is aware that he can still be relied upon and trusted, and that he still has emotional support. Given the child's age and limited comprehension, it is essential to cooperate with the child and provide sufficient time for them to adjust to the separation.

2. Identifying the issues with her sister's situation

In the previous marriage, the questioner indicated that the separation was due to domestic violence, which persisted for seven years. Has the sister been affected by such a lengthy period of domestic violence? What was the nature of the relationship between the sister and her boyfriend that made reconciliation unfeasible?

As family members, have you attempted to gain insight into the situation?

It is possible that the separation between adults may be a period of adjustment. However, this approach does not take the child into consideration, so the problems experienced by the sister will also affect the nephew. It is unlikely that the problem will be solved simply by the uncle's company.

3. Consider professional counseling together.

From the current situation, it seems that the sister and her boyfriend getting back together is not the optimal solution, given that there was a reason for their separation and they made the decision with consideration.

Based on the child's behavior, it is recommended that he receive psychological counseling. With guidance from a counselor, he can learn to transfer his attachment to his uncle to other people. When his focus shifts from his uncle, he will no longer be obsessed with the idea that his uncle must live with him and his mother.

Given the circumstances, I recommend that the mother also seek counseling to gain insight into her sister's relationship issues and address any personal challenges she may be reluctant to confront.

I hope this information is useful to the individual who posed the question. Best regards,

Hello, question asker! It's so lovely to meet you. I can tell you care a great deal about your nephew, and he's clearly a very sweet little boy.

It's totally understandable that the child was reluctant to leave his uncle after two years together. After all, the child has become accustomed to his uncle's presence, and now that he's leaving, the child is feeling anxious and irritable.

And the poor little guy is going through so much right now, so it's really important to help him work through his feelings as soon as we can.

My sister's boyfriend isn't ready to reconcile, but he's willing to take action.

It's so important to remember that acting isn't a long-term solution. Your little one is already ten years old, and they're old enough to understand what's going on. It's time to tell them in a different way that their uncle can't be by their side for the time being.

Otherwise, if the child sees it, it might even cause some additional hurt.

It's so sad when relationships break down, especially when there are children involved. It's not really about begging or compromising, as much as we might wish it were. It's just not possible for two people who have loved each other to spend the rest of their lives together without feelings for each other.

It's so important to give the child more love and let him know that he has lots of people who love him, apart from his uncle. You could take him to an amusement park or something fun like that. I don't know what kind of feelings the child has for his father, but maybe you could also ask the child's father to come up with solutions together.

By shifting the child's focus with some fun distraction, you can help them feel at ease. You can even pretend to make up for a while, but just be careful not to hurt their little heart.

The most important person in this situation is the child's mother. Mothers and children are connected at heart, so it's so important to give the child lots of love and attention. If the questioner's sister can spend more time with the child, I think the child will also understand her sadness and feel comforted by her presence.

I really hope your nephew grows up happy, and that the original poster's family is happy too!

The reason for your sister's breakup with her boyfriend is unclear. It may be a simple matter that can be resolved, or it may be more complex. It would be helpful to ascertain whether the issue is minor or more significant.

If her current partner has behaved in a violent manner, akin to her former husband, then a reconciliation is highly unlikely. Consequently, before addressing the issue of the nephew's attachment to his uncle, it is essential to ascertain whether the previous relationship is worth salvaging.

It is not feasible to abruptly declare a desire to reconcile solely for the benefit of the child, as the child in question possesses their own perspectives and opinions. However, it is important to recognize that romantic and familial bonds cannot be forced. Frequently, it is essential to align our actions with our genuine emotions and innermost desires.

Given that your nephew is now entering puberty and may have some rebellious tendencies, it is likely that some of his decisions in the future will seem to defy you. Therefore, it would be beneficial for him to undergo further psychological work. It is also possible that the child may hope that the uncle can come back, but if he does not, he may become anxious and irritable.

The child desires a complete family, but this family still requires the efforts of everyone, and it cannot be forced. If reunification is feasible, it would be the optimal outcome. However, if that is not possible, maintaining a positive outlook is still an option. The decision ultimately depends on what your sister wants and the reason for the breakup. Your nephew also needs to understand his mother. The world of adults is full of helplessness and coincidence, so you cannot force your sister to get back together. You have to respect your sister's wishes. I recommend that your nephew seek parental counseling. Good luck!

Please advise.