Since then, an internal knot has formed: how can I get rid of others' negative opinions about me?

Hello, my name is Bo Yan.

Your description of the problem is very detailed and to the point. It seems that the complaint about your classmate's attitude has caused you some distress, and this has had an impact on your studies and life.

It would be remiss of me not to mention that there are objective reasons as well as subjective ones, so perhaps the problem should not be blamed entirely on the words of others.

Could there be a subjective reason as well? Consider, for instance, if you heard that classmate say that to someone else. Do you think the other person might have a harder time letting go, as you are now?

It might not be the case. Some students may view it as a lighthearted exchange between close friends, while others may see it as an opportunity to learn and grow. It's possible that some students might even respond directly, expressing their frustration or surprise.

It's important to recognize that everyone has different feelings and perspectives.

I would like to take a moment to explain why I felt differently. I will do so using the cognitive ABC theory.

A refers to the specific event; B refers to your interpretation of the event, that is, the way you perceived the event in your mind when it happened; and C refers to your emotions and behavioral tendencies. I was sitting alone on a park bench, enjoying the view, with a book of mine next to me.

At that moment, someone came up to me and sat directly on my book. I felt that this person's actions were disrespectful and it made me feel quite angry.

In this situation, the action of sitting on my book can be considered event A. I felt that this person had not shown respect for me, which led to a certain emotional response, which could be described as event B.

I believe that C is the result of my anger. Many people often think that A caused C.

Perhaps the key is in B, which is my interpretation and processing of A. If this person were blind and sat on someone else's book, would I not be so angry?

I wonder if I might ask you to consider this: if the person had treated my book like it was just a piece of paper or an unwanted pamphlet, would that explain why he was sitting on it, and would I have been less angry?

Let's return to your experience. You asked a classmate a question, and he said, "..." and informed you that your answer was incorrect. This is event A. You felt a bit uncomfortable because he was belittling you. What do you think might have happened next?

It may be the case that he is belittling you and trying to put you down, perhaps with the intention of preventing you from surpassing him. Do we think that this is a possibility?

It's possible that he simply didn't know the answer to that question and was trying to save face. Perhaps he didn't want to be stumped by you and wanted to maintain the feeling that he was valuable and could help you. From "Your math is killing me," it seems that this student values the friendship he has with you. You can also hear a hint of complaint in these words, and it seems like he wants to draw you closer to him. At the very least, he sees you as someone who values him and someone he can't ignore.

I believe that your classmate is both concerned about saving face and cherishes the friendship with you.

So, how should we proceed? Perhaps the best course of action would be to address the underlying issue, which is the relationship between us.

Why is friendship and communication the core? Because the question is no longer important. His actions of suppressing you and later asking you about the question are actually ways to make up for his mistake and affirm your superiority in this question.

I believe this can be seen as an exchange of feelings.

If you respect me, I will respect you in return. If you want to help me, I will help you. If you want to feel important, I will make you feel that way. It's all about emotional communication. If you have the chance, you can bring up this issue in a casual way and see how he responds.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether your interactions are still based on a foundation of mutual respect and appreciation for your friendship. If so, it may be possible to resolve this emotional challenge and move forward in a more positive and constructive manner.

Even if he wants to show off his superiority in front of you, it is still possible to maintain a friendship. You are strong in one area but not as strong as me in another, so it is a normal state of affairs to complement each other.

I'm sure your math skills will continue to improve!

Good day, question asker. My name is Qingqing, and I'm a social worker.

From your description, I can understand the challenges you're facing and your desire to improve the situation. I hope that my analysis can provide insights to address your questions.

(1) Unfortunately, the questioner's life has presented a situation that has made it difficult for the questioner to recognize their own excellence. The first thing to tell the questioner is that they are excellent, they are smart, and they work hard. Often, students like the questioner are easily jealous of others. Perhaps for her, your surpassing her also proves that she is regressing.

Furthermore, she is reluctant to acknowledge this reality, instead seeking comfort through the belittling of the questioner. This behavior represents a manifestation and diversion of her anxiety, yet it is not our responsibility to accept her anxiety. Therefore, what is the appropriate course of action?

(2) It is essential to recognize your own strengths and avoid allowing your kindness to be exploited by others. She consistently makes the questioner feel uneasy with her words. Therefore, the next time, it is advisable to communicate clearly and assertively, stating, "You perceive me as competent and seek my input, yet you also undermine me."

Is it truly challenging to recognize individuals? One decisive action can effectively neutralize the opposition.

Best regards, (Yi Xinli Whale Social Worker)