Social skills have deteriorated. How can I change my indiscretion?

Hello! I really hope my answer can help you a little.

I've had similar experiences, too! The exam preparation period was too long, and there was little interaction with others. So when I encountered someone I was slightly close to, I wanted to express myself and pour out my heart. This is actually very normal! There's so much inside us that needs to be expressed. I understand you're worried that you'll leave something to chance because of such unbridled expression. Then we need to be more aware and see what we often express unconsciously, and what needs we are trying to satisfy by expressing these things.

When you can express your needs in a more reasonable way and satisfy your own needs, this situation will naturally fall away. As for the matter of leaving a handle, you can also explore it in depth and find out what you are really worried about. Is it how others see you?

Or could it still be your own self-rejection? Or is there something else going on?

I really want to help you, so here's my advice:

It's so important to understand yourself and see your inner needs.

It's totally normal to feel the need to express ourselves and be listened to when we haven't spoken to anyone for a long time. I've been there too! We all long to be understood and seen, especially when we meet someone closer. It's only natural to hope that person can satisfy these needs and longings.

However, just like me before, I encountered some relationships that were not a good match in this process. When I expressed my feelings to them, they not only didn't understand me, but they also caused me new problems, which made me feel very distressed. Later, I understood that it's totally normal to need to express and confide, but we need to choose the right method and the right person to express to so that we can protect our boundaries while expressing.

2. We absolutely need relationships! But it's also important to choose the right expression object and expression method.

We're social animals, and we need relationships. But the kind of relationships we need aren't draining. We don't need to have a close relationship with everyone. We need supportive and nurturing relationships. A supportive relationship is one where the other person can give you support and understanding, where they can give you a positive response to what you say, where you can feel safe, and where they won't use it against you, attack you behind your back, or even doubt you. If it's like that, it's not a good relationship.

That's why it's so important to find the right person to express yourself to, like I did. Later on, I joined a really supportive psychological group. Everyone there is so sincere and follows the principle of confidentiality. We support, understand, and tolerate each other. I can show my true self there and express whatever I want to express. They all understand and respect me, and give me support and trust. It's in such a group that I've become more and more confident through repeated expressions and have learned to be true to myself in social interactions.

So, you can also find such a supportive group, and in addition, you can also find friends who inherently trust and understand you to confide in (even if some friends have not been in contact for a long time, they will still trust and understand you). Or you can also find professional psychological listeners and counselors to express and confide in. Of course, we can help ourselves heal by finding someone to express and confide in, and also by expressing ourselves through writing, or by expressing the repressed emotions and feelings within through the technique of the empty chair. All you need is a room, and you can imagine the person you want to confide in sitting in the chair. You can say anything you want to them...

3. Take a deep breath and identify what you are really worried about. Then, treat other people's comments objectively, learn to accept yourself, and gain inner harmony and stability. You've got this!

If you're worried that what you say will leave a bad impression, you can always continue to see what will happen if it does. We all worry that others will say we're not good enough, that they'll stop liking us, or that they'll say this and that about us. But from a psychological point of view, this is because we care so much about what others think of us. And the reason we care so much about what others think of us is because we're unsure of ourselves and always want to confirm ourselves through the comments of others.

It's not about controlling what others do or don't do. We can't control what others do either, and that's okay! Some people just find it hard to keep their mouths shut. The important thing is whether we can accept this self that others reject or hate, whether we can refrain from agreeing with others' comments, and whether we have a very clear understanding of ourselves. When you are very sure of yourself and you are accepting enough of yourself, even if you face other people's gossip, you won't worry so much because you know what kind of existence you are, and you won't be shaken by a few comments from others.

It's totally understandable that it's not easy to do so. Practice makes perfect! When others make negative comments about you, you can respond by telling yourself, "That's just his opinion, not mine. I'll give him his own back!" And when you're facing any kind of self, always maintain a gentle, friendly, and accepting attitude. Affirm to yourself, "I'm not perfect, but I love and accept myself just the way I am."

I really think you'd benefit from reading "The Courage to Be Disliked," "Accepting an Imperfect Self," and "A Thought Turned."

I hope this is helpful for you! Sending you lots of love and best wishes!