Some people say I'm sensitive, which makes me anxious. What should I do?

Dear original poster, I do not consider myself to be sensitive. If I were in your position, I would be extremely dissatisfied. I am unable to express my discontent. Furthermore, I do not believe the individual who provided the answer is an authoritative figure.

1. I believe you took the appropriate action. If others do not respect you, why should I respect them? It is illogical to expect me to tolerate her behavior when he is unable to see things from my perspective.

2. It is reasonable to expect that anyone would be angry in this situation. You have not done anything wrong, so it is important to speak up if you are not satisfied. In today's society, it is often necessary to compromise in order to build rapport, particularly in the context of a school environment. It is crucial to maintain a firm stance in this situation. You have taken the appropriate action; otherwise, you may inadvertently provoke the other person.

3. When there is a conflict, it is a problem for both parties. It is not possible for one person to have a problem alone. The issue is simply a matter of who initiated it. Is there anything wrong with me valuing my own things? You borrowed my things but did not appreciate them. Is this not a sign of disrespect? Then I have reason to be angry, right?

Therefore, I concur with your assessment and align myself with your position.

4. If the other party's actions are unintentional, a polite request for them to refrain from repeating the action in the future should suffice. However, if the other party's actions are intentional, it is reasonable to expect a strong reaction.

5. It is acceptable to interact with each other in a normal and polite manner. If there is a lack of respect, it is irrelevant if there is a negative attitude. It is important to maintain your composure. I do not believe you are overly sensitive.

6. It is not necessary for me to be humble and accept blame for his mistakes. I should express my frustration when necessary, speak my mind when appropriate, and maintain a professional demeanor at all times.

Hello! I just wanted to send you a little virtual hug and I hope you're feeling better today.

I can especially understand how you feel. You have confided in someone and told them how you feel, in a spirit of trust. But the other person tells you that it's all in your head, that you're just being oversensitive. The unspoken implication is that you're making a mountain out of a molehill and that you shouldn't bother about such trivial matters. If I were you, I would feel really frustrated after hearing that, and at the same time I would wonder if I really am being oversensitive. I can see how that would be so frustrating!

It's so important to remember that whether you're sensitive or not is totally irrelevant. It doesn't matter how insignificant or everyday the experience is, you have every right to express your frustration as long as you haven't done anything wrong and someone else has affected you first.

In everyday life, there are some folks who are always on time, are super strict with themselves, and expect everyone they go out with to be punctual, too. If the other person is not on time, even if they're only five minutes late, they'll be especially upset.

People around him often say that he is too harsh, but they forget that punctuality is a rule that everyone should follow, and being late is wrong in itself.

So whether you are sensitive or not is totally up to you. Nobody else has the right to say otherwise. If you have been affected and hurt, but the impact was forced upon you by someone else, then you have every right to demand an apology or an end to such behavior.

Of course, we live in society and are surrounded by all kinds of relationships, so it's important to be careful when dealing with other people. There are also many times when, even if we try to adjust, the people around us may not respect our ideas and continue to do what they want.

You're doing great! You're already handling this situation better than anyone else could. You can't change other people, only yourself.

At this time, we need to change the way these things affect us. I think what the listener really wants to say is that it's not worth getting upset over these little things, and it's not worth punishing yourself for other people's mistakes. Of course, whether or not you can do this will not change the fact that you have done nothing wrong and are not making a mountain out of a molehill.

So, the question of sensitivity or insensitivity isn't really the point here.

I know you're a great person, and I don't think you should look for reasons in yourself for everything. You're right, and that's perfectly normal. But I do think you should work on becoming stronger, and try not to pay too much attention to what other people say or think.

Hello, Erhu. I hope this message finds you well. I want to thank you for taking the time to share your question with us. After carefully reading your question, I noticed that you seem to be particularly concerned about the evaluation of "sensitive." I understand that this can be a challenging concept to accept. The second issue I noticed is that you may not have received sufficient understanding and support when you confided in someone, which can lead to feelings of frustration.

I want to reassure you that it can be annoying when someone gets water thrown at them while washing their hair or when something is dropped into the laundry basket instead of the trash. It is perfectly normal and appropriate to say that you feel uncomfortable, and there is nothing sensitive about that.

Secondly, Erhoo would like to politely point out that it seems there may be a slight misunderstanding of the word "sensitive."

If someone can hear sound changes that others cannot, we would say that they are sensitive to sound. If someone can see color differences that others cannot, we would say that they are sensitive to color. Do you think it is a bad thing to be sensitive to sound or color? What about being sensitive to emotional perception?

Could this help him to understand others better and get along with them better? Erhoo believes that sensitive people are often more gentle, more compassionate, and more popular with everyone.

Additionally, Erhu observed that you previously indicated a preference for suppressing your emotions. However, you have since expressed a willingness to express them verbally, which is a commendable shift. It is important to recognize that this is a new approach for you, and it may take time to develop the necessary skills to express your emotions in a constructive and appropriate manner.

Let's consider the example of "someone washing their hair and splashing me." When expressing our emotions, we have the option of either yelling, "You splashed me!" or saying it in a gentler tone, "Please be more careful when washing your hair, you splashed me!" The latter method also expresses our emotions, but because it is more tactful, the other person may find it easier to accept.

It is also important to understand that after expressing our emotions, others may not always be able to take care of our emotions. Sometimes, they may even perceive our actions as "looking for trouble." In such instances, it is essential to reflect on the gravity of the situation and ensure that our thoughts have been expressed clearly. If we realize that our emotions were not justified and that our communication was not effective, we can strive to adopt a different approach in the future.

If the answer indicates that the matter is serious and that we have expressed ourselves clearly, it may be helpful to learn to stand our ground.

It is important to remember that learning to express our emotions does not happen overnight. We can try and learn slowly, and with time and practice, we will learn to do so effectively.

Hello, dear questioner!

I'm Kelly, and I'm so excited to chat with you!

?[About sensitivity]

After reading your writing, I feel that you are an amazingly spiritual person with a wealth of knowledge and education.

You are absolutely right not to like being labeled! You have every reason to reject it. And having this awareness means that you are not a fixed person and are not easily influenced by others.

[Let's talk about high sensitivity as a gift]

I read an amazing book a while ago called "High Sensitivity is a Gift."

The concept of the highly sensitive was developed more than 20 years ago by the brilliant American psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron. It refers to a group of people who are naturally sensitive.

"This sensitivity is not a disease or a disability, but a purely innate trait."

In other words, it's not a problem, it's a personality trait!

I'm so excited to tell you all about this new discovery by Dr. Elaine Aron! She has found that there is physical evidence that proves that "high sensitivity to cognition and emotion" is a fundamental character trait of highly sensitive people.

I've got a little secret to share with the original poster: I'm also a highly sensitive person!

Now, let's talk about heightened emotional sensitivity!

For example, if someone else is not aware of their emotions, a highly sensitive person will already be aware of them. And it's so amazing how, whenever I'm with friends, I can usually tell whether they're in a good or bad mood just by the way they come up to me!

Later in the workplace, I also used my high sensitivity to many times feel the atmosphere in meetings was not very good and adjust the atmosphere appropriately. It was so rewarding to be able to contribute to a positive change in the atmosphere!

There are so many examples like this!

?[About some details in life]

The original poster said that the way they spoke could be improved. In fact, you don't like to upset people or cause conflicts, and that's not your goal, right?

You thought about your way of speaking, and once again, you impressed me! I think this is a great awareness to have. If you feel that you can express yourself better, and the other person can accept it, and you can achieve your goal, this is a fantastic result!

Remember that amazing sentence I mentioned before? It was about high sensitivity to cognition and emotion.

Guess what? When someone washes their hair, the water splashes on me!

Oh my goodness, when someone's rubbish falls into my laundry tub!

It's so interesting how when someone puts something on my computer, they touch the table with more weight!

Guess what! When someone calls me, they yell and complain that I don't wait for them.

Guess what? Someone's school bag strap hit me when it swung over to me!

Guess what? Someone knocked on my bed frame while I was sleeping!

I don't think these are your problems, and if it were me, I would also feel uncomfortable.

But we can see if the other person does it occasionally or often. If it's often, you can clearly communicate with the other person that you don't like these behaviors and ask them to pay attention next time.

And your consideration for others in every situation may also be due to your upbringing! For example, my high sensitivity. I personally feel that my upbringing also has something to do with it. My parents were very detail-oriented people, and I'm so grateful for that!

Because I pay attention to details, I have also received so much praise from many friends in my life!

[Appropriate expression]

1: Speak your mind! Don't hold back.

2: Absolutely! You can joke about it!

3: I don't think it's your sensitivity or your being petty. On the contrary, you are someone who thinks a lot about others, and that's a great quality!

4: We are all ordinary people. Even if the questioner said that at the time, he was not very good at expressing his emotions, I think that's normal. Who is born to express themselves? The questioner is so young, and he is already reflecting on himself. I believe that before long, you will be like a fish in water!

5: Ways to Talk to Your Classmates

I highly recommend that the questioner read "High Sensitivity is a Gift." It's a fantastic book!

I highly recommend "Nonviolent Communication" for the way of speaking!

There are also many free courses on Yixinli that I highly recommend! You can take a look at the question books when you have time. You, who are smart and studious, will be better today than yesterday!

We're going to grow together here!

I wish you all the absolute best!

The world and I love you so much!

Everyone is a beacon, whether asking questions or answering them. Through words, we can illuminate the hearts of more people, and this is our shared energy.

Hello, I am Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun. You were hurt because you were not understood or seen when you were confiding in someone. You were labeled as "sensitive," which made you feel like you were being "attacked."

You were the aggrieved party in a series of events (someone splashing water on you when washing their hair, shouting at you, knocking on your bed frame while you were sleeping, etc.). After talking about it, your grievance, dissatisfaction, and even anger were not only not accepted, but your negative emotions were made even stronger.

Let's take a look at what's wrong. Give me a warm hug.

You confide in someone for a reason. You want to gain understanding, or even just have someone lend an ear.

Unmet needs inevitably result in negative emotions like resentment, anger, and a sense of powerlessness. If your feelings are not correctly interpreted and you don't feel seen, understood, and accepted, you may perceive the other person's labeling as a rejection or even an attack.

Our judgments of people and things are based on our own outlook on life and feelings. This is why everyone's judgment of the same person or thing is different.

Having values means having judgments, but being too attached to one's own judgments forms limiting beliefs that prevent us from seeing more possibilities and can damage relationships.

Your anger at the other person for labeling you "sensitive" has affected the relationship. The same is true in life.

The other person is simply trying to fulfill their responsibilities and obligations. You are a paid service, and they are looking at the problem from a third-party perspective to help you see more possibilities. They are not trying to label you; they just want to help.

?2. Learning from others will help you improve yourself, give you more perspectives on problems, and provide you with more choices.

Everything that happens is bound to help me. Think of this experience of pouring out your heart as a "self-cultivation" experience. It's just an experience of "communication" between you and a stranger. Use it in real life and gain more experience from it.

The other person has offended your feelings and affected your studies and life. You can and should express your feelings directly to let them know.

It is not excessive to maintain your own sense of "boundaries" and there is no need to suppress your emotions. However, you must be considerate since everyone is in the same room.

A little note with love, a friendly reminder from a third party, and sincere face-to-face communication.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. The world and I love you.

If you want to continue the conversation, click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Dear questioner, I can feel your sadness and pain. Your feelings are real and come from your past experiences.

We can start growing personally by facing our feelings. Uncomfortable feelings can lead us to wisdom. There's a saying: where there's a crack, there's a way in.

Bad moments help us examine ourselves.

[When someone is not responsible for their words or actions, we need to teach them to be responsible.]

There are two reasons for interruptions at school:

1) You may not have told others you were offended. If this continues, others may not know or may not care.

2) You were offended and expressed it in an inappropriate way, which caused a rift.

We can find a way out by communicating with empathy.

Speak calmly but firmly about what happened, how you feel, and what you want from the other person.

"I'm sorry, I was sleeping and you knocked on my bed. I was startled. I'm not feeling well. Please take care of my sister. I'm good. Please don't knock again. Thank you."

If you're not used to expressing yourself this way, think of the other person as a sister, not an enemy.

If you can't think of the other person this way, there may be attachment issues with your mother. You may need counseling.

If you feel annoyed, you might pull a long face, mutter, or shout. You might say, "How can you be so rude?" or "Don't you have any eyes?"

And not looking at other people. I see you've been thinking about your own expression.

If someone bothers us and doesn't know it, we should tell them. We need to show them respect. If we say we're 100% responsible for the interruption, we mean we should educate them using our feelings to help them understand others' feelings.

I'm Gong Wei, the listening therapist. I hope this helps.

Hello!

I can see how annoyed you are and what a problem this is for you. As you list one thing after another, it seems that your heart is becoming more and more agitated, like a whirlpool appearing on the surface of the water. After typing all this, how do you feel at the moment?

When talking, the counselor usually encourages the visitor to talk more about things that evoke emotions. So when you type these things, I get the sense that you trust the previous counselor and most people on the Yi Xin platform.

If you find that you've lost trust, you can accept that and work through it.

Reading about your experiences, I get the feeling of a book being turned rapidly and hurriedly by a wild wind. When the wind lets up, I'll flip through the pages one after the other in the shade.

It's like listening to the music of the forest with the author. (Note: Benderlin is a Swiss ambient music series of albums.)

You feel like being "sensitive" has given you a label, which is a feeling that deserves respect. It's like feeling accused, as if you hear some impatient expressions from the past, such as "you're overreacting."

Let's talk about what it means to be sensitive. Sometimes the actions or words of others can be so overwhelming that they cause us to have a stress reaction. One type of stress reaction is called catalepsy, which is when you feel so shocked by a sudden situation that you become paralyzed and unable to escape.

This made me think: What happened in your family life in the past?

If you suppress your emotions too much, it can cause stress and become deeply buried. The words of others can act like hooks, infecting and inflaming wounds that were formed during your growth process. This can lead to a great sense of insecurity.

This could be a result of negative experiences during our growth period, influenced by adults.

So, when stress reactions happen more often in your personal relationships, it shows that

Your insecurities are stronger than others realize. You deserve to be seen and understood.

When you're faced with someone who's being arrogant, you feel conflicted and uneasy, but you don't know how to protect yourself in every moment. You suppress your anger and sadness because you're afraid of being awkward when you try to defend yourself, and you're worried that people will think you're embarrassing and weak. You might even blame yourself for being unable to fight back.

When tears come, we can acknowledge the courage and temporary relief they bring. There's no need to label them or ourselves—just accept them.

Take this courage, learn what the wound means, accept that you need to stand on your own two feet, and stop putting yourself down. Be grateful for what you've gained in life, ignore the bad words and actions, and reject the unfriendliness of others.

It'll take a while to establish equality in relationships, and we'll probably have to stop and start along the way. What we need to do is reduce self-attack and self-negation.

Have faith that you can do it. When you've had a good cry, you'll see things more clearly.