The cause and improper handling of emotions between both parties have further exacerbated negative feelings; how should one deal with such emotions?

Hello! Thank you so much for your thoughtful question. I'm ZQ, a heart exploration coach from the Yixinli platform. We all get caught up in the heat of the moment and forget what we really want to say when we're feeling emotional. It's so common for both sides of an argument to feel like they haven't fully expressed their needs or demands.

Let's think about what the child wants. He'd like to keep watching the computer for a while, but he doesn't say how long. And what does the mother want?

I'm sure she just wants her little one to get some rest so that he can be his best self the next day. Is there something else going on?

She also seemed to have expressed herself a little bit too quickly. If we look beyond the surface, in fact, both sides have a more beautiful appeal. For example, the child actually wants to be able to relax a little after studying, because we humans are not machines, and it is not the case that we are born to take the college entrance exam and go to Tsinghua or Peking University.

This isn't a task for everyone, and that's okay! We all have our own places we want to go, and it's not always about what to do. We also need to give ourselves the right to rest. So, watching the computer for a while is totally fine!

It's totally normal to be able to take a good rest and relax!

This is also a child's own right. So if the child is blamed at this time, it may intensify a conflict within him, and there may be a kind of shadow within him. Perhaps the family could try a different approach when communicating with him.

This made him feel quite defensive. The child had formed a kind of mindset, like a conditioned response. Once the family members started asking why he was still watching the computer, he would resist very much, because something similar might have happened before, and he was always misunderstood, so that he no longer had any patience to explain.

There was no time or mood for explanations. He had finished his homework and done what he needed to do, so it was reasonable to take a break. He just didn't have the patience to explain.

So, it's more likely that he'll have an argument with his mother. But, from the child's perspective, we can talk to him alone and say that we understand why he wants to watch the computer, which is totally normal. We can also say that we realize he's been feeling upset for a while.

We all get it wrong sometimes. We forget to take care of our kids' emotions or to give them the space they need to relax and feel respected for all their hard work at learning. It's so important to talk about these things. When we do, our kids become less defensive and we can all have a calm conversation about what they really want.

From the mother's perspective, she may want to care for her child and prevent him from becoming shortsighted. She may also be concerned about the long-term effects of computer use on her child's energy levels and academic performance. We really need to recognize the conflict in this issue.

It's possible that the mother is feeling a little anxious, which is totally understandable! She might be worried about her child's health and academic performance. And on top of that, she has a cold. When we're not feeling well, it's natural for our judgment and emotional control to suffer a bit.

It's so important to take care of yourself, too, mom! Try to get some rest, take some medicine if you need it, or do whatever you can to feel better. And don't forget to talk to us about this, too! We want to help you and your child. Your child's learning won't improve if you're anxious. In fact, if you're too anxious, your child's grades might even drop, and your relationship with them might get worse.

This is not what the mother wants to see, so it's important for her to think about it and work through it. She's feeling anxious, and it's not a good idea for her to accidentally irritate the child with words that she hasn't thought through. It's something that needs to be said to the mother.

You can completely replace it with something like, "My child, it's already getting a little late, don't make it too late, go to bed early..." At the same time, you should also realize that your child's mother may be the type of person who expects too much of her child. It's important to understand her good intentions, and we also need to remember that parents must educate their children in a better way.

Speak your mind in a way that your child can accept, and don't force anyone to do anything, because many things cannot be forced. Finally, I also recommend that you read some books on parent-child communication, including "The Stumbling Dad," "Learning Emotional Management with Your Child," and "The Challenge of Your Child's Development as a Parent." I'm sending you lots of good luck!

ZQ?

After taking a look at the situation you described, I have a few ideas about how you can step in and help them work through their differences.

It can be really helpful to separate emotions from facts. One way to do this is to talk to the child and his mother separately. This can help them understand that although their feelings are valid, the situation may not be as simple as they think. For example, you could say something like, "I can see you're upset, but I think your mom is more frustrated because you stay up late and she's not feeling well."

You could also let the mother know that even though her child has finished his homework, using electronic devices late at night can affect sleep, which isn't great for his body or health.

It's so important to emphasize understanding and respect. Let your child know that his mother is only criticizing him because she cares about his health. At the same time, remind your mother that although she's worried about her child, yelling is not the best way to communicate.

It's so important to encourage them to learn to respect and understand each other's feelings.

It's so important to set common rules together as a family. As a parent, you can work with your child to set a reasonable rule, such as not allowing electronic devices after a certain time in the evening, to ensure that your child gets enough rest. It's also really important to make sure that the rule is fair and reasonable, and to let your child know that the rule is for their health.

Teach emotion management skills: You can teach the child and the mother some emotion management skills separately, such as deep breathing and calm thinking. This will help them to feel more in control of their emotions and avoid getting upset.

Finally, you can give them a big hug and let them know that no matter what happens, you will always be there for them, support them, and help them solve problems.

By doing this, you'll not only help them resolve the current conflict, but you'll also teach them how to better handle future conflicts and emotional problems. I really hope these suggestions are helpful for you!

Hello, dear stranger! It's a pleasure to meet you!

From your description of the problem, I can understand that your wife is not feeling well, and her mood is also bad, and then she has a verbal conflict with the child!

When your wife and child have a conflict, you can see that both sides are in a bad mood and vent their emotions! You have a good sense of perception!

I think you should be a sensitive person! As a father, you have the amazing opportunity to mediate when your wife and children have conflicts in order to promote family harmony and happiness.

It's totally normal for mothers and children to have disagreements! After all, they're both independent individuals with their own thoughts.

However, you must be careful to separate problems from emotions.

As a father, you have the amazing opportunity to reconcile conflicts between your wife and child when they're both feeling emotionally unstable! It's a chance to show your child how to adjust their behavior when they're in a bad mood, and your wife how to recognize her own need to adjust.

When your wife is not feeling well, it's a great idea to stop your child from watching TV in time, take the initiative to talk to your child, and say something like, "Mommy doesn't feel well and needs to rest. Please watch TV quietly or watch it some other time. It's time for bed." You can even comfort your child in a gentle way, and you can say things like, "Mommy didn't yell at you because I don't love you. Mommy is not feeling well and is in a bad mood." Talk to your child in a gentle tone to calm him down, and distract him from the conflict!

A sensible child needs a wise father to guide him—and you can be that father!

As a husband, you have the amazing opportunity to sense your wife's emotions! When she's in a bad mood, give her some space to rest. When she's feeling better, chat with her. And when it's time, help her calm down.

My advice to parents is to learn to respect their children and allow them to have their own opinions and emotions. It's so important!

Give your child some time and space to calm down, and then find some time to talk to him! Don't underestimate your child. He's got so much to offer!

Be sure to let your kids know what they can look forward to when they do something right, and help them learn from their mistakes when they don't.

It's so important to learn to listen to your child's thoughts, allow your child to express their views and thoughts, and teach your child to properly understand your difficulties.

It's so important to learn to set rules for your children, stipulating what they should and shouldn't do at certain times of the day.

My advice to my wife is that as a husband, I should let my wife take the initiative to apologize to the children. It's so important to make amends and repairs!

In the child's mind, the parent is sacred and a pillar of strength. Yelling is seen by the child as a sign that the mother does not love him, and it can hurt the relationship between mother and child. But there's so much more to it than that! Family affection will also decrease!

Father and child discuss ways to solve problems together.

If you encounter a similar situation or problem next time, you can absolutely make each other feel better and reach an agreement! When the problem arises again, both parties can deal with it in a respectful and effective manner, and either party can make amends and repairs.

Try the "cold treatment" method!

Cold treatment is not cold violence. It is a way to pull away from the other person when emotions are getting out of control, so that both sides have a chance to emotionally buffer. Avoid bad emotions like a runaway horse!

Fathers are also members of the family and play a role in promoting family harmony. Fathers have the amazing opportunity to persuade and reconcile. Let the child know that the mother loves him in a different way, and let the wife know the reason why the child did something, whether there is a misunderstanding!

It's so important to remember that you can't just care about your own emotions. A mother and child understand and tolerate each other, and the family is harmonious. Family affection is never a one-sided thing, so let's all try to remember that!

I really hope my advice helps! Thanks so much for taking the time to read my words!

Hello! I'm thrilled to answer your question. I hope my suggestions will be super helpful to you!

In this situation, we're focusing on some great opportunities for growth in the child's education and communication skills.

It's important to explain your child's doubts and questions. For example, if your child says, "I've already finished my homework, so why can't I watch TV?"

What can parents do at this time? Should they give their children a piece of their mind for disobeying them, or should they ask them why they're daring to defy their parents? Or perhaps they should answer their children's questions themselves and calm their emotions?

As parents, we may not even consider these questions to be problems. For example, why do I have to eat vegetables? Why do I have to go to bed at 9 or 10 o'clock? Why can't I play with my phone or watch TV? For children, these questions have no answers, because no one has ever told them what the answers are. But that's okay! That means there's an opportunity for us to teach them something new.

For parents, these questions may seem so obvious that they don't even need to be asked! At this time, parents may not understand why their children are being unreasonable, and children may not understand why their parents are forcing them not to do so many things.

Parents, it's time to explain to your children why they can't play computer games even after finishing their homework. It's because it's already ten o'clock, and it's bedtime! Going to bed early is great for our health and allows us to get up bright and early the next morning, so we don't stay in bed and be late for school. We can also go to the next day's lessons full of energy!

So mom and dad really hope that you don't play computer games at 10 o'clock and go to bed. The essence of this is not that we mind you playing computer games, but that we really hope you can go to bed earlier when it's time!

And for playing on the computer after finishing homework, we can praise the child for doing a great job! We can also look forward to future entertainment after homework is done.

However, we do need to set some limits on this entertainment time. But this limit is not a failure to keep a parent's promise and refuse to let him play with his phone. Instead, we can tell him that as he grows up, our eyes and bodies are not yet fully developed. If we look at electronic devices from a close distance for a long time, or overuse our eyes, it can lead to myopia and make our eyes sore and uncomfortable. So whether it's doing homework, reading, playing with the phone, or playing with the computer, we need to do it in moderation and take breaks every once in a while.

By analogy, we reward our children for doing the right thing and praise and affirm them, too! We also get to explain things to our children when they don't understand, so they know why their parents want them to do certain things or not let them do certain things.

In the parent-child relationship, it's also important to adjust and pay attention to a mother's emotions in a timely manner.

If we're in the role of the mother when this happens, we have the amazing opportunity to explain to the child. If our emotions are fluctuating, we can take a deep breath and calm ourselves down, then explain the problem or calm the child's emotions in a calm and smooth state.

If our emotions are running high and we're struggling to control them, we can take a step back from the situation, head to our room, calm down, and then approach our children with a calm and collected attitude.

And it works the other way around too! If a child's emotions are extremely volatile, we also need to give the child some space. Once we've calmed the child down and made sure he can hear what his parents are saying, we can then go and explain to the child.

If we consider ourselves to be a third party, then we have the amazing opportunity to separate the two emotionally volatile people and then provide emotional support individually. After calming down, each party can explain.

As a father, you have the amazing opportunity to explain to your child why your wife doesn't want you to keep playing computer games at ten o'clock.

As a husband, you can explain to your wife that the child just had a temper tantrum, not because he doesn't respect his mother or because he's disobedient, but because he doesn't understand the reason why we need him to do something. I will explain to the child myself later, or if you feel a little better, you can communicate with the child to ease the relationship between the two of you.

The family process is an exciting journey of trial and error, where we get to communicate and work things out as a couple and with our children.

The child has had the privilege of living with his parents since birth. He is an independent individual with his own independent thoughts. When he was a child, he did not understand these thoughts of his, and was not yet aware of them or able to express them clearly. But that doesn't mean they don't exist! When we are shaping him or guiding his values in a positive direction, we need to be patient, or explain things from his perspective.

Sometimes we forget that we are adults, and we look at the world and all problems through our own perceptions. So we think that what we know, children will know too, but that's not really the case. We also need to look at all problems from the perspective of a child. For children, the world is unfamiliar and unknown, and there are many problems that they can only understand through adult explanations. But here's the good news! We can help them understand. All we have to do is look at the world through their eyes.

I really hope that through self-reflection and getting along with each other, you can find a way to get along with your family members that suits you perfectly!

I love you, world!

Dear Questioner, My name is Duoduo Lian, and I hope my reply will be of assistance to you.

From the information provided in the article, it is evident that you are a responsible father, attentive and patient, and that you are seeking support from professional platforms. I commend you for your efforts. Your desire for your child and mother to get along happily is a common and understandable goal. Your ability to identify and address potential issues in a timely manner contributes to a happier family dynamic.

Every life wants to be seen. Acceptance is a prerequisite for change. Do you agree? Children nowadays are particularly intelligent, value freedom, and are very thoughtful. When they are happy, they have full energy for everything they do.

In the current era, a significant proportion of mothers exhibit elevated levels of anxiety. The impact of environmental factors and the influence of the original family have left a discernible imprint. They express concern that their children may not succeed at the outset. They hold a profound love for their children but lack a comprehensive understanding of their needs. The children's perspective is valid: engaging in play after completing homework is a normal and healthy activity.

Every mother wants her child to be healthy, but she also conveys to her child that it is unhealthy to have emotions, which leads to emotional instability. Mothers need to grow up too, and their emotional stability is influenced by many factors, in addition to their own awareness.

When a mother is unwell, her mood will be affected. When she experiences negative emotions, she needs a sense of control. The child becomes the outlet for the mother's emotions, and the child is also the last stop for the mother's healing. It is important to be grateful for your child. You can also communicate with your child. When the mother is in a bad mood, she will make mistakes. This will slowly change the child's resistance to emotions.

Delegating responsibility to the child is a boundary. Problem-solving will identify many issues. Approximately sixty percent of these issues will also resolve themselves over time. It is essential to understand the underlying needs.

The child is able to perceive that they are capable of managing their own learning, and they can confirm that you are a self-disciplined individual who is able to learn to play and make plans and arrangements. You serve as a role model for us, and over time, they will identify with you, allowing the child to move away from their emotions.

The support of a father is of great importance to a child. Regardless of external circumstances or the state of the relationship between teachers and students, these issues are not the primary concern. Children require unconditional acceptance from their parents to feel the warmth of the family and the resilience to overcome challenges.

Love is an effective solution to a wide range of issues. Allowing children to experience emotions is also about teaching them to manage them effectively in social situations. Children should be encouraged to express themselves freely and to not take other people's emotions personally. Not everyone is equipped to manage their emotions.

All that occurs is also an opportunity for learning. As long as you are human, you will have emotions. Confronting emotions is the biggest obstacle to effective communication. Regardless of the circumstances, maintain self-belief, acknowledge your emotions, identify your needs, and take control of the situation.

Best regards,

Greetings!

I have three children myself, so I can relate to the situation you've described. Children have a way of expressing themselves emotionally, and adults are also prone to experiencing emotions, which can sometimes result in scolding children in an emotional state.

As an observer, it can be challenging to know how to respond.

It seems that emotions, especially those that are uncomfortable, such as anger, resentment, sadness, and fear, have become something that we are particularly afraid of and feel particularly helpless in the face of. I wonder where our fear and helplessness in the face of negative emotions comes from.

It may be the case that when we were young and expressing our emotions in a less than ideal way, our parents were not always able to tolerate our behaviour and understand the full extent of our feelings. It is possible that parents were sometimes carried away by their children's emotions, which may have led to a lack of understanding on both sides.

In this situation, negative emotions can feel overwhelming and destructive, as if they're tearing relationships apart.

When a child is upset and the parents are unable to cope, and there is a shouting match, the child may feel as though the world is falling apart, that Mum and Dad no longer love them, and that they are being attacked when they are sad and in need. Over time, when we have bad emotions, our first concern may not be what is wrong with us, but fear and helplessness.

It can be challenging when we're faced with a bad mood, especially when we're adults and facing our own or other people's bad moods. In those moments, it's natural to feel a sense of fear and helplessness, similar to how we felt as children when facing our own or our parents' bad moods.

You may have encountered a similar situation before. When confronted with your children's emotions or your spouse's emotions, you may experience a sense of fear and helplessness.

This emotional conflict may cause you to feel as though you are regressing to a state of childhood, reminiscent of the feelings of fear and overwhelm you experienced when facing an emotionally unstable parent.

It might be surprising to learn that negative emotions can actually be helpful. Anger, resentment, sadness, shame, and fear, for example, can all convey important messages.

Perhaps what we could do is listen to the voice of ourselves or the other person when we are under the influence of emotions. This might help us to avoid being overwhelmed by the emotions, repressing ourselves or suppressing the other person's emotions with even greater emotions.

Emotions can be compared to waves in the sea. While they may sometimes be strong, if we can be like the sea and provide a vast space of tolerance, no matter how rough the waves, they will always pass and calm will return.

To become that space of tolerance, it may be helpful to allow the waves to roll and accept that emotions are a natural part of the human experience. It's important to remember that bad emotions are not necessarily a sign of weakness, and it's not necessary to judge any of your emotions. Instead, try listening to the voice behind the emotion and understanding the underlying need for love, understanding, and connection.

If we can learn to be a safe and loving container for our own emotions, we can also hold the emotions of our children and family members. We can begin to understand what our children and family members are really saying in their emotional expressions.

It is important to remember that we can choose not to be affected by our own or other people's emotions. By remaining firmly in a state of acceptance, we allow and wait for our own and the other person's emotions to pass. This allows us to return to a state of calm and engage in genuine communication and expression. When we face difficult emotions, we can gain strength by remembering this approach.

We must remember that we are not the enemy of emotions, nor are we their slaves. We are their friends. When we can face emotions with such kindness and tolerance, the child or family member in the middle of an emotional outburst will feel safe and loved, and will not be judged or attacked, even if they have expressed their emotions.

It is more likely that they will calm down and return to a state of calm communication.

I believe that this state of tolerance is within each of us. Similarly, I feel that the emotional part is also within each of us.

We have the option of how we choose to deal with our emotional side. We can choose to suppress it, judge it, fear it, avoid it, or we can choose to accept it, allow it, face it honestly, and let the more and more alive and expressive part of ourselves take root firmly in our flesh and blood. This is a choice we can make.

As parents become more adept at managing their emotions and embracing a more contained state of being, their children may naturally begin to do the same. Children are often remarkably receptive and capable of maintaining a sense of inner balance, which allows them to let go of negative emotions more readily.

It might be said that children don't dwell on judging their emotions. Rather, it could be the case that their emotions are influenced by the parents' denial, judgment, fear, and anger towards their children's emotions, which might result in a sense of fear.

I hope this is helpful. I'm therapist Xu Yanlian, and I'm open to discussing anything further.

I hope this is helpful.

Hello, questioner! I'm Jiang 61.

Thank you for trusting us and being willing to tell us about the family problems you have encountered. We can help you find answers. You have asked how to deal with emotional problems that are affecting the whole family. We will show you how to deal with these problems so that you can feel better.

"After reading your introduction and understanding the situation of family conflict, I will now discuss this issue with you.

1. Introduction

You say, "The child watched the computer until 10 o'clock in the evening in primary school. His mother has a cold and is a bit out of it. She called him several times, criticized him, and told him what time it was, but he still wouldn't go to bed. The child thinks his mother yelled at him, cried, and said, 'Why can't I watch the computer after I finish my homework?' Both of them were emotional. His mother said emotionally, 'It's all my fault, my fault,' and there were obviously minor faults. However, he resists his mother's temper. They have obvious similarities. What should I say? Does anyone have any guidance?"

1⃣️, Family structure

You are the father of a family of three, and your child is in elementary school. Your wife is more involved in your child's upbringing. You are the third party in a conflict between your wife and your child over going to bed, and you need to find a way to balance their relationship.

2⃣️, Conflict

It's 8 pm, and the child is still watching the computer. The mother calls out to her several times, criticizes her, and emphasizes what time it is. The child feels aggrieved, thinks that the mother shouldn't yell at her, and argues while crying.

3⃣ Reason The child is watching the computer until 10 pm, despite his mother's repeated calls, criticisms, and reminders of the time. The child feels aggrieved and believes that the mother should not yell at him.

The child wants to watch TV because he has finished his homework. The mother thinks he should rest.

It is evident that the two individuals are focusing on different issues.

4⃣️, the bystander

Dad is clear that both parents are acting on emotion. Mom is not feeling well due to a cold, so she is speaking emotionally and not communicating well with her children.

The child is convinced that the mother has a bad attitude and should not yell at her.

The mother needs to clarify who she is referring to when she says, "It's all my fault." Is she talking about herself, the original poster, or the child?

The child is talking about the child, so the child cannot accept his mother's emotionality and blaming others for the problems.

The home is between the two of you, and you must resolve the conflict.

2. Problem analysis

1. Sense of rules

Rules are the laws that govern the operation and functioning of a system.

Rules are the laws that govern the operation and functioning of a system. They are regulations and statutes that are jointly formulated and recognized by the masses or the main family members, or uniformly formulated and adopted by representatives, and are observed by all members of a group or family.

A sense of rules is essential.

A sense of rules is the understanding that one should follow rules from the heart and use them as a guide for one's actions. In school, one must follow the rules. In society, one must follow the law and social ethics. In the family, one must follow the family rules.

The mother makes it clear that it is time for bed, while the child is adamant that he can play after finishing his homework. It is evident that both have a sense of rules, but they emphasize different points.

2⃣ Different focuses

Focus.

The focus of attention is the object or field that people are concerned about or value at a given moment. It can be specific, such as a person's interest in a topic or activity, or abstract, such as the experience of an emotion or state.

And different concerns.

The mother's concerns are time and rest, which is why she's angry and keeps urging the child to rest. The child's concerns are finishing the homework so that he can play and his mother's mood towards him. Nothing else matters to him.

Their concerns are different, so it's no surprise they react and express their attitudes towards things in different ways. They're not expressing the same views on the same topic, so they're going in opposite directions. Each one thinks they're in the right.

At the same time, they are both expressing their emotions angrily, which creates an atmosphere of mutual incompatibility and leaves you feeling at a loss.

3⃣️, Communication style It is essential to understand the communication style of the other person in order to effectively communicate with them.

Effective communication is essential.

Communication is the exchange of information. It is the entire process of conveying a certain message to the communication partner in the hope that the communication partner will respond as expected. If this process is achieved, effective communication is complete.

Verbal and non-verbal messages are both part of communication. The non-verbal part is usually more important than the verbal part. Effective communication is of great significance in dealing with family intimacy, parent-child relationships, interpersonal relationships at work, and complex social relationships.

This is an example of ineffective communication.

The mother and child are clearly arguing, which shows that they are not communicating effectively. The mother is talking about herself, and the child is talking about herself, and neither is listening to the other.

3. Here's what you need to do.

1. Have consistent communication.

Communication is essential in every family. Many families argue because they don't communicate consistently.

Consistent communication is key.

Consistent communication means that when you communicate with the other person, you must ensure that your verbal and non-verbal information is consistent with your inner feelings. In consistent communication, you must ensure that you give due attention and respect to the self, the other person, and the situation.

This model of speech demonstrates inner awareness, with expression and speech in alignment, inner harmony and balance, and a strong sense of self-worth.

This is the consistent communication method.

Practice is essential for consistent communication. The following sentence patterns are commonly used for practice and expression. With time, we can establish good communication channels within the family. The specific sentence patterns for consistent communication are as follows:

When...

Describe the objective situation, free of accusations and emotions.

My feelings are...

State your feelings and emotions clearly and directly.

I am confident that...

Clearly express what you want the other person to do and specify your needs. Your needs must be quantifiable, enforceable, and visible expectations.

I am convinced that...

It describes the expectation of something beautiful.

The mother and child may not yet be able to use congruent communication. That's okay. Use this method every time you communicate with your wife. She'll experience the benefits of congruent communication and form a communication pattern between you.

Mothers who learn this communication model will align their feelings, actions, and verbal expressions. The child will receive a consistent message that aligns with her feelings, and misunderstandings will be eliminated. Your family life will be harmonious.

2⃣️ Balanced relationships

Empathy is the key.

Empathy is a way of communicating that involves understanding the inner feelings of another person from their perspective and position objectively, and conveying that understanding to them. To empathize is to put oneself in the other person's shoes, that is, to put oneself in the other person's position at the same time, place, and event. It means feeling and understanding others from their perspective.

It is essential to maintain a balance in the relationship.

As a third party, it is our responsibility to empathize with the mother and child at this moment. We must do so through patient listening to ascertain their respective needs, the message they want to convey, the content of their expression, and the points of disagreement between the two parties in terms of opinions and needs.

We will resolve the differences.

Through our listening and analysis, we will explain to both parties their current respective points of view and areas of disagreement. To resolve the disagreement, both parties must discuss the issue from one party's perspective.

Use effective communication methods.

Effective communication involves four steps.

Step 1: State your feelings, not your emotions.

Step 2: State your needs, not what you don't want. Let it be known that you are angry.

Step 3: State your needs, don't complain. Don't let the other person guess what you want.

Step 4: State the direction you want to go, don't dwell on the past.

3⃣ Emotion Management

It is crucial to prioritize emotional management as a key skill for fostering positive and healthy relationships, both within the family and beyond. Emotional management encompasses:

You must recognize your emotions.

This is the first and most important step in managing your emotions. When you have an emotion, recognize what it is, such as anxiety, anger, sadness, etc.

You must accept your emotions.

Healthy emotions are expressed in a way that is consistent with the situation. When your emotional experience aligns with objective events, you know your emotions are normal. Accepting your emotions is the first step to managing them.

This means that emotional tension will decrease and inner peace will return.

Express your emotions.

Emotional expression is a way of sharing your own emotions. It's about being honest about your feelings. You can say things like, "I feel...," or "I am feeling...".

Cultivate emotions.

To manage your emotions effectively, you must cultivate and practice the skills required. There are several ways to do this:

1) Living a regular life will stabilize your emotions.

2) Develop a hobby. Let positive emotions drive you. Love yourself and love life. Feel the beauty of life.

3) Care for and look after others. Let love dwell in your heart. Helping others is the greatest joy. Help people help themselves.

4) Connect with nature and embrace the essence of heaven and earth to open your heart and calm your emotions.

5) Make executive friends and spend time with emotionally stable people to reduce emotional interference and fluctuations.

We tend to focus on these emotional management exercises, which are highly effective in fostering a harmonious atmosphere within families. You will undoubtedly gain a sense of well-being.

The key to family harmony is listening, communication, and understanding. Cultivate these abilities, and your family relationships will improve, your married life will be harmonious, and your children will grow up happily. I wish the questioner a happy life!

It might be helpful to consider the following analysis of emptiness.

It is not uncommon for families to experience conflicts and emotional challenges. However, it is important to address these issues in a timely and constructive manner. As parents, you can consider the following suggestions to ease conflicts and improve emotions:

Communication and understanding: It would be beneficial to communicate calmly and listen to the other person's opinions and feelings. It may also help to understand the thoughts and needs of the child and the mother, find common ground and differences, and establish a better foundation for communication.

It would be beneficial for parents to consider adjusting their attitude towards problems. It is important to avoid emotional criticism and accusations. It is also important to respect your children's feelings and independence while guiding them to deal with problems in the right way.

It might be helpful to set some rules and agreements with your child. You could discuss reasonable rules and agreements on issues such as computer time and homework. You could also involve your child in setting these rules and agreements, which might help to increase their motivation to comply.

It would be beneficial to consider developing emotional management skills. This could involve teaching children and mothers how to effectively manage emotions, learn to express and listen, and avoid emotional outbursts and conflicts.

It might be helpful to seek the guidance of a psychologist or family therapist if the family conflicts and emotional problems are more serious.

It is of the utmost importance that family members understand, respect, and tolerate each other. They should work together to solve problems and strive to create a harmonious and warm family atmosphere. It is my sincere hope that the above suggestions will be helpful to you.

In this case, you must act as a mediator to help both parties calm down and establish communication. Here are some suggestions you can refer to:

1. Stay calm. It's crucial to remain composed. The child and mother are emotional, and your role is to de-escalate the situation, not exacerbate it.

2. Talk to the child and the mother separately. Find a suitable time to talk to the child and the mother separately. First, calm their emotions and make them feel understood.

Listen to both the child and the mother. Let them express their feelings and thoughts without interruption. Let them finish speaking.

4. Give advice separately. Based on what you know, give your advice separately. For example, you should advise the mother to remain calm when criticizing the child and to express her opinion calmly.

Tell the children to respect their mother's rest time and finish their homework as early as possible.

5. Propose solutions. Discuss possible solutions together, such as setting a fixed time for homework and play and respecting each other's rest time.

6. Offer help. If the problem between the child and the mother needs to be solved in the long term, you can help. Provide assistance with homework or care for the mother when she is not feeling well.

7. Avoid accusations. Do not point the finger at either party during mediation. This will only make the situation worse.

8. Set up a communication channel. Make it clear that they should prioritize communication over emotional expressions when they encounter problems.

We are confident that you will find these suggestions helpful.

Hello!

From your description, I know that one child's mother saw that the child was still watching the computer at 10 o'clock at night, and urged him to go to bed early and gave him a bit of a telling-off for not going to bed. The child felt a bit aggrieved and hurt, thinking that if I've finished my homework, why can't I watch the computer? The mother felt that the child was a bit disobedient and resistant.

This is a common situation in family education, where each party brings their own emotions to the table. The child thinks the parents don't consider their feelings, while the parents think the child doesn't understand their good intentions.

You, as the father and husband, want to resolve the conflicts between the mother and child. I think there are a few problems, but we can solve them!

1. In the family's education of the children, the existence of "house rules" may not be clearly stated. These house rules are a fantastic, mutually agreed-upon set of guidelines that are discussed, designated, and mutually monitored and abided by by all family members. With their existence, children can clearly know what behaviors are acceptable, which is great!

And there's more! You should definitely establish family rules.

2. In the family, the mother may be the one to bring warmth and love to the child, but also the one to be strict and critical. This conflict in roles not only makes the mother feel uncomfortable, but also makes the child feel confused and conflicted. While enjoying the mother's love, the child is also afraid of sudden criticism. But, there's a bright side! This is an opportunity for the mother to show the child that she is there to guide them and help them grow.

It is a great idea for both parents to talk about their roles in family education. They can decide who will play the "red face" and who will play the "white face." This will help the child understand the family environment and feel secure.

Wishing you the very best!

Hi Kelly, I just wanted to check in and see if you had any thoughts on this. Thanks!

I'm Kelly Shui.

What should I do if the emotions of both parties arise and aren't handled properly, and the negative emotions are reinforced again?

After reading the original poster's text, I get the impression that you're a very sensitive and perceptive person, and you've also observed the emotions of both the child and the mother.

[About interaction]

If your child is in primary school and you want to set a 10 pm curfew for computer use, you can find out what they're watching first.

We also know that kids have a lot of pressure to study. They get up in the morning, go to school, spend a lot of time studying there, and then finish their homework. After that, they can do something they like.

Parents who respect their children will make them feel warm and understood in the family, which is what modern kids need. So why not agree on a time with your child at this point?

For instance, once they've finished their homework, they can do something they enjoy for half an hour.

It's good that you can see her emotions, as she's feeling unwell and emotional at this time.

If you give your wife a bit of support at this time, let your child's mother know you're there for her, and you take care of communicating with your child,

A solid relationship between a husband and wife at home shows the child that they understand each other and support each other, which helps the child learn to handle relationships and conflicts in the future.

Dad gets that mom's anxious, she's sick and in a bad mood, and she needs rest.

At this point, the father steps in to communicate with the child, and he can also ask the child for help in understanding his mother's illness.

We all know kids like to be praised, so let's try praising them instead of criticizing them next time.

For instance, you could say, "I'll let you play on the computer after you've finished your homework today."

If you're tired today, how long do you need to play before you rest? Agree on a time with your child and let them take the lead.

For instance, if your wife isn't feeling well today, could we all go to bed a bit earlier?

Will the child still think his mother is yelling?

[Regarding emotions]

If the child cries at this time, you can also feel that he is a little upset. He also wants his own time. He wants to watch the computer after finishing his homework. We also need to see what's behind the emotions.

Is mum looking for the child to be more obedient and sensible?

Is the mother trying to get the child to go to bed early?

Kids want their own time to do the things they like, so it's clear that both people have emotional reasons.

It might take a while for these kinds of interactions to develop. It's also worth noting that children at this age already have emotions. If this continues into junior high and high school, will the child become more and more resistant to their mother's emotional words, or will it improve?

It might be helpful for mom and dad to take some courses to learn more about psychology and children at different stages.

As adults, we all have our own emotions. If the mother is open to it, she can seek professional counseling.

As a father, you're an important member of the family, with a lot of responsibilities. I can see how difficult it is for you.

I think with a little effort from your family, you'll start to see some issues in your interactions.

It's not about the people, it's about the problems. If it's okay occasionally, don't worry too much. If you communicate with emotions a lot, it will also damage the relationship.

I'd also suggest reading "Critical Companionship," "Fearless Anxiety," and "Why Families Get Sick."

The family is a system that relies on everyone's care and concern to keep things running smoothly.

I wish you the best.

I hope my response proves helpful to you.

It is not uncommon for a mother to experience heightened emotions when she is unwell and to express concern when she observes her child using the computer. It is also typical for the child to feel distressed by the mother's reprimand and to begin crying. It is essential to recognize that emotions are driven by underlying needs. The key issue is that neither individual has addressed their own needs or recognized the other's needs. This is largely related to the way they communicate.

However, this is a process that requires practice, as a mother's patterns are also influenced by her own upbringing. It may not be possible to implement complete changes overnight. Therefore, mothers should allow themselves time to adjust and gradually transform through repeated practice.

I would advise you to:

It is important to understand your own feelings and those of your child, as well as the underlying reasons for these emotions.

The mother has expressed her desire for her child to go to bed on time and has expressed concern that playing computer games too late at night will affect his sleep. However, the child does not comply with these requests. The mother is experiencing a range of emotions, including worry, frustration, and disappointment. She also feels that the child is disobeying her, disrespecting her, and failing to understand her intentions. This has led to a heightened emotional state, which is further compounded by a cold. The child is also experiencing a range of emotions, including frustration and disappointment. He feels aggrieved when he thinks he's finished his homework and can finally relax a bit, but his mother won't let him play. It is understandable that both parties are experiencing these emotions, but neither can understand the other. Only when the underlying needs behind both emotions are identified will the emotions ease.

To illustrate, the mother's objective is for the child to go to bed at a reasonable hour to ensure adequate rest, while the child's desire is to engage in leisure activities, such as playing computer games, after completing their homework, with the aim of obtaining the mother's consent and understanding. This may appear to be a source of contention, but it can be resolved through effective communication and negotiation.

2. It is challenging to communicate effectively in the heat of the moment. Waiting until both parties have calmed down before communicating allows for the development of the relationship and the transformation of a crisis into an opportunity.

However, effective communication is challenging during an emotional outburst. The emotional brain is dominant during such instances, making rational thinking difficult. The child is also less likely to listen to the mother's instructions. It is essential to wait until both parties have calmed down and reason has returned before attempting to communicate effectively.

Once emotions have calmed down, the mother should address the child in a gentle, non-judgmental manner. She should explain that she noticed the child was still playing on the computer at 10 pm and was concerned about the child's sleep schedule. She should remind the child that getting enough sleep is important for their well-being and that going to bed now will help them to feel well-rested for school the next day. She should also reiterate that finishing homework early allows for more computer time. If the child expresses a desire to play more, the mother should agree, but also make it clear that there are limits to how much time can be spent on the computer. It is essential to maintain a firm but fair approach.

3. It would be beneficial to have some plans in place for the next time this situation arises, and to determine the best course of action. Negotiating with your child about the rules for computer use and bedtime is also an important part of growing from this conflict.

It would be prudent to have some contingency plans in place. Children's emotions are easily triggered due to the incomplete development of their prefrontal cortex, making them particularly susceptible to losing control. It is essential to allow children to experience emotions and to manage our own emotions effectively.

For instance, when you feel the urge to lose your temper with your child, you can promptly exit the situation and take a moment to collect yourself in a secure location. This could involve taking three minutes to breathe deeply and calm your emotions. Once you have regained your composure, you can address your child again using non-violent communication. This allows you to express your observations, feelings, and needs, as well as your specific request, while also conveying trust in your child. An example of this could be: "I can see that you have been playing on the computer for a long time, but it's already late, and I'm particularly concerned. I also need your understanding and respect. I hope that after you finish this game (which is usually followed by feelings of satisfaction), you can immediately put down the computer and go to rest. I believe you can do it, and you will go to bed early and get up early on time. I always think that you are a child who especially follows the rules..."

Regarding the aforementioned issues of bedtime and computer use, it is possible to negotiate with your child and establish corresponding rules for the entire family to adhere to. This is a crucial aspect of reflection and growth that this conflict has brought about, and it is an environment that is conducive to your child's growth.

Please refer to the above for further information. Best regards,

Hello, questioner. I can see you're feeling a bit confused right now, so I just wanted to give you a big hug!

I'm wondering if you're the father of a 10-year-old?

It's possible that the mother didn't mean to speak to her child in a bad way.

It's probably just a cold. We all get grumpy when we're sick!

I spoke to my 10-year-old son rather harshly, and I'm really sorry about that.

At this time, you can pull your child aside and explain to him, "Son, your mother is probably just worried because it's already 10 o'clock at night and you have to get up early for school tomorrow, so she's rushing you to go to bed, otherwise you won't be able to get up in the morning. And your mother is probably a little bit under the weather today, which is why she yelled at you when you didn't go to bed after she called you a few times. This might not have been her intention, but she's just in a bad mood because of her cold, so please understand her; okay?"

Then, the next day, when the little ones have gone off to school and you're at home with your wife, you can have a little chat about what she did wrong last night when she was feeling a little cross with the children.

Just a heads-up: When you're chatting with your wife, it's probably best to start with "I" rather than "you." And try not to come across as critical or accusatory.

You can also use the methods in the book, Nonviolent Communication, if you like.

I really hope you can find a way to resolve this problem soon.

I'm so sorry, I can only think of these things now.

I really hope my answers are helpful and inspiring to you! I'm the answer, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you! Wishing you the best!

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