The child performed well in high school during their freshman year but now refuses to attend school; how can we help them get back on track?

Hello!

I know you're feeling a little anxious about the upcoming high school semester. You look at your daughter and see her lazily playing with her phone on the bed. It's a stark contrast to what you had imagined. But, this is an opportunity for you to rethink your beliefs and wishes. It's time to rebuild your inner world.

It's a rollercoaster of emotions, isn't it? The thought of your daughter not finishing high school is a real worry. It's so important to persevere with high school studies, and you're doing everything you can to support her.

Your daughter is in her first year of high school in a private school. Because of the atmosphere in her class, she has decided to take a break from school for a while. You are very excited for her to come back! The college entrance examination tests the confidence and learning ability of the students, and tests the parents' determination and confidence in their children.

All parents feel the same way! Your child hasn't been to school for over a month, and now that winter vacation is over and school is about to start, you are very excited to see what the new term will bring.

As her mother, you really hope that she can study hard. You want her to do well in her studies and get into the university of her choice. You have come up with many ways to motivate her, and you're excited to see her succeed!

You may not have gone to college, but you're more than happy to teach yourself high school courses to inspire your child with your hardworking spirit! At first, the results were quite good. In the first semester of high school, when she first started, your daughter was still very hardworking and got the second best grade in the class!

Later, you heard your daughter say that the class was very lively, with plenty of colorful language, and that some male classmates enjoyed a tipple or two. Teachers and classmates like this really keep things interesting!

You tried to communicate with the school, but they didn't seem to understand. You tried to encourage your daughter to work harder and get out of that firetrap-like class.

However, she gradually retreated to the comfort of home, unwilling to go to school anymore. At home, she also always played with her phone, not reading or studying.

As time passed, your heart grew more and more anxious because you thought that not going to school was a problem, and you were eager to solve the problem of going to school. You also took your daughter to see a psychologist once, but after just one visit, she was ready to move on to something new.

You keep mentioning your child's grades and the fact that she hasn't been going to school for a while, which is great! However, I'd love to hear more about the problems in your relationship with your daughter.

I get the feeling that you think grades are the most important thing, and everything else is secondary. And you're absolutely right! In the academic stage of high school, grades are very important.

Absolutely! Relationships with classmates and teachers, as well as those with parents, are also very important. And physical and mental health issues are also very important.

We are so excited to be raising our children! Their health and their relationship with us are our top priorities, and we're thrilled to support them in achieving their academic goals.

Before she stopped going to school, your daughter had a period of time when she couldn't get up in the morning.

You think she does it on purpose, but she may also be unable to get out of bed. As a result, you and your daughter have had arguments.

Now your daughter's temper is getting worse and worse, and what makes you despair is that she doesn't tell you anything. But there's hope! These are all relationship issues.

Perhaps our impatience has made us lose our patience and unwilling to listen to our children's stories anymore, which has caused the parent-child relationship to become very rigid, resulting in her not wanting to tell us anything. But there's an easy fix for that!

You think that the reason she doesn't try hard is that she didn't get into a public high school when she was promoted from junior high school, but went to a private high school. One thing is the goal: you want her to go to college!

You think your daughter can achieve it if she works hard, and I think she can too! I wonder how much your daughter was involved when you set the goal. Does she think the goal is achievable?

If the goal is too far away and too heavy, it will cause her too much stress. But don't worry! There's another thing to consider: the problem of attribution.

If she didn't get into a public high school because she didn't work hard, then it's not because she doesn't work hard that she's not doing well in school now. I think you're teaching yourself high school courses, which is great!

If you don't learn well, it's OK! There are so many other reasons why this might be. Let's explore them together!

It's clear that effort is just one piece of the puzzle. There are so many other factors at play, including the environment, personality, intelligence, concentration, stress resistance, and interpersonal relationships, to name just a few!

If she really has tried her best, but the result has not met your expectations, she will be disappointed in herself. But that just means there's room for improvement! No matter how hard she tries, the situation will not improve, and yet you are still asking her to try harder.

Maybe she's feeling a little discouraged because the goals she set before didn't work out. Now she's realized that her current goals are a bit out of reach, but that's okay! It's all part of the journey.

If your daughter really isn't suited to going to school, what an amazing opportunity for you to explore new possibilities! If your daughter doesn't go to school, who is it that is affected the most?

The current situation seems to have a great impact on you, and you have already tried various methods. In fact, you can also try something new and exciting: exploring yourself in depth with a heart exploration coach to see how your current daughter's situation requires you to change your mindset.

I'm sure that if you can find ways to relax and be more patient with your daughter, your relationship will improve!

If your daughter is going to study at home in the future and no longer go to school, what can you do to make it a great experience for her?

The world and everything in it!

She needs to want to get back on track herself. You cannot do it for her.

Your daughter needs to overcome all obstacles that make her reluctant to go to school. She currently is unable to cope with such difficulties, but with the right support, she can do it.

If you want to help her, you must first understand and clarify her situation and thoughts accurately.

You need to identify the problem, analyze it, and then solve it.

You feel desperate because she doesn't talk to you. You have no idea what's going on with her, let alone what's made her this way, let alone anything else. So the first question for you right now is why she doesn't talk to you.

First, there's no point in talking about it because she either doesn't talk about it or doesn't think the situation can be improved.

Second, she is ashamed to talk about difficult subjects, such as bullying or harassment.

Third, the parent-child relationship is tense or there is a gap. They feel like they're not on the same page and don't want to talk to you.

Fourth, in the face of pressure and difficulties, there is no clear cause and effect logic, only intuitive and instinctive reactions. She herself doesn't really know how to express herself or what to say.

There are many possible causes for each problem, and there may even be multiple causes at the same time. This is especially true for minors, who lack experience and the corresponding ability, and especially need unconditional acceptance and support from their parents. The child's sense of trust and dependence is crucial to whether she is willing to open up and confide in you.

If you put yourself in their shoes, you will understand that people always want to talk about their problems. The person's willingness to talk about it and how much they talk about it depends on them. To find this first answer, we must start by trying to get our children to talk.

Your child's return to school is the right track. It's as simple as that. And it's not just about getting back to school. It's about getting back to a healthy physical and mental state. As parents, you know this is the most important thing.

The bottom line is that not going to school undoubtedly means encountering huge difficulties, and there is undoubtedly confusion in the child's mind that they cannot sort out and bear. Before returning to the right track of schooling, it is crucial to help the child get out of their internal predicament.

This will undoubtedly be a difficult and painful process, especially for your child, but also for you, because you are also suffering and feeling helpless. However, you can and will get through this together. You need to be more resilient and patient, optimistic and positive, tolerant and thoughtful, because your child needs your support and help.

You love your child, and your child loves you. He has the potential to improve and become stronger. Put yourself in his shoes more, take things slowly, and you will overcome this hurdle together.

You will be happy.

Hello, question asker!

I can see how anxious you must be as a mother, seeing your daughter not going to school. I know you are a responsible mother, and I understand you very much.

You have been a great support to your daughter in her studies. However, she is currently unwilling to go to school. Have you asked her why?

Is the reason the child told you the real reason?

Children typically refuse to go to school for one of three reasons:

1. She has trouble getting along with her classmates and teachers, especially her classmates. There's likely been a conflict between them that she hasn't told you about. She feels that she can't handle it and doesn't want to tell you, so she avoids going to school.

2. The academic pressure has become too much for her to handle. As the difficulty of high school knowledge continues to increase, it is no longer easy to maintain high grades. If you keep working hard but still don't get the results you want, many students will become discouraged and develop an aversion to studying.

3. She may fall into depressive symptoms. Depression is not uncommon among children who are currently studying. Get her help right away.

Here's my advice:

1. Adjust your own mindset.

You want your child to adjust quickly and return to school, but your anxiety is making it difficult for you to communicate effectively. Your daughter is avoiding talking to you because she senses that you are already convinced she should go back to school. This makes her feel that you are not listening to her or understanding her, and that you don't care whether she is suffering or not. She just wants you to accept her decision and let her focus on healing.

Don't be anxious. Calm down. The focus is not on getting your daughter to go to school. It's on making her trust you and letting her tell you her true thoughts. Your daughter needs to know that you understand her, especially her family.

2. Show your love for your child.

Your daughter used to do well in school and was sensible, so there must be a reason why she has suddenly changed. You need to find out what the reason is, and in particular, you need to find out if she is being bullied at school.

It's time to stop scolding your daughter for playing games and getting her days and nights mixed up. You can tell her that no matter what happens, if she wants to take some time off, you'll support her and you won't push her to go to school. But if something happens at school, especially if someone bullies her, then she must tell you and you will help her.

Tell her that you were too anxious before, but you love her no matter what she looks like or how well she does in school.

3. Get help from outside sources.

If you adjust your attitude and change your attitude towards your daughter, and your daughter responds to you, but the reason she gives you is something you can't solve, such as she just doesn't have the motivation to learn anymore, and she feels suffocated whenever she goes to school, or other problems you can't solve, you can also seek help from a professional psychological institution, and let a psychological counselor talk to your daughter to help her resume school as soon as possible.

I am a dancing firefly. Thank you for reading, and I know you found this helpful.

The child did not perform well on the entrance exam and was not accepted into the high school of her choice. She demonstrated strong academic performance in the first semester of her first year of high school but has recently exhibited reluctance to attend school. From the description, it is evident that you are experiencing significant anxiety, concern, and helplessness.

As the child is currently unavailable for communication, it is not possible to ascertain the most effective means of providing assistance.

Firstly, I would like to extend my support to the original poster. It is challenging to navigate such circumstances. It is understandable to experience feelings of anxiety, confusion, concern, disappointment, and even helplessness.

It is clear that both you and your child are experiencing significant distress. I appreciate that you are currently facing considerable challenges.

Firstly, we must address the child's reluctance to communicate. The child is currently in the 10th grade and is going through puberty. During this period, the psychological characteristic is that the child is constantly gaining a sense of autonomy through many things and getting to know what kind of person they are.

In this process, when encountering setbacks, it is easy to withdraw, using the most direct form of defense. This can be likened to a turtle's natural response when touched: its first reaction may be to curl up with its head and limbs, as this is the most secure behavior for it.

The child's current psychological characteristics cause her to choose to escape, give up self-help, and give up using the resources around her when she encounters relatively big setbacks. While this may be an acceptable short-term coping mechanism, it can lead to long-term negative consequences. These include feelings of blame and guilt, as well as self-hatred.

Let us discuss the reasons behind this occurrence. The description indicates that the child once voiced concerns about the classroom environment. It is unclear if any notable incidents occurred during this period, such as bullying, social isolation, or excessive pressure from educators.

I am also curious about the parents' response when their child disclosed these experiences. Was the assistance provided inadequate, leading the child to perceive a lack of support and subsequently refrain from seeking help when faced with similar challenges?

From the description, it seems that when she expressed a reluctance to attend school, you engaged in a dispute with her. This approach may have led the child to perceive a lack of understanding on your part.

It is evident that she is the one who is most adversely affected.

I would like to offer some suggestions for your consideration. First, it is important to express your understanding to your child and, if necessary, apologize for any previous arguments.

It may be necessary to demonstrate empathy and understanding, recognizing that the child is experiencing the greatest distress. Everyone desires improvement. Affirm that the child has the desire to improve, but is currently facing obstacles, perhaps external ones, and is unsure of how to proceed.

Since the issue has already arisen, let's convene to determine the best course of action. It is essential to communicate in a neutral, objective manner, free from any emotional bias or judgment.

Once this step is achieved, you can then listen to your child patiently about what happened at school. This could be due to a number of reasons, including the fact that she got good grades and was isolated by her classmates, or perhaps the teacher gave her higher expectations for her ranking.

Once you have a clear understanding of the situation, you can also communicate further with the teacher to gain insight into your child's state and emotions at school. Together, you can explore potential solutions with the teacher.

Meanwhile, it is essential to provide your child with confidence. These issues are common among high school students and are to be expected. A low score on the high school entrance exam does not preclude admission to a reputable university.

Many individuals can overcome challenges and achieve success with the right support.

The most challenging aspect of this guidance is the initial step of restoring your child's trust in you. The aforementioned recommendations are intended as a point of reference, and it is my hope that you will be able to assist your child in overcoming this obstacle promptly.

Hello, I'm Tongyan, and I'm here to help!

From your description, it's clear that you're eager to find a way to get your daughter back to school as soon as possible!

From your description, it seems that your daughter, who did not get into a good high school, worked very hard when she first went to a private high school. After she complained to you about the bad class atmosphere and you communicated with the school, it seems that after that, she was ready for a change!

You say she didn't make it. I'm excited to hear more about what happened at school and at home during this time!

I'm sure there was something that happened when your child first refused to go to school! What did your child say to you?

I'm sure your child is doing great at school! But do you think she might be having a little bit of trouble? When she is in an environment that is not as supportive and friendly as she would like, is it possible that her hard work may cause her difficulties in her relationships at school?

After you took her to see a psychologist when she refused to go to school, she never wanted to go again. I'm sure it was a very interesting meeting! What exactly happened during this meeting with the psychologist?

I'm so excited to hear what the doctor said!

These are things you need to know! As a parent of a teenager, you get to understand as much as possible what is going on inside your child.

What challenges is she facing? In what areas could her parents provide some extra support?

You say that your child doesn't talk to you, which makes you feel desperate. I'm excited to learn more about what your relationship with your daughter is like in normal times!

I'd love to hear more about the pattern of your interactions!

The child's reluctance to go to school may indicate that she has some internal conflicts or concerns that make her want to stay at home. This is a great opportunity for you to connect with her and find out more about what she needs!

I'd love to know more about your relationship with your husband (or wife)! Have there been any recent changes in your family relationships?

There are so many possibilities behind a child's reluctance to go to school! You might even find it helpful to put your child in a system to see how not going to school affects your family or the relationships within your family.

It would also be really helpful to find out what your expectations are and what your daughter's needs are in your interactions with her. Once you know that, you can explore your daughter's needs and see what you can do to help her.

Wishing you the very best!

In response to your inquiry, it is recommended that the initial step be to communicate with your daughter, ascertain the facts, inquire about the circumstances surrounding the situation, and then address the issue in a methodical manner.

The following section outlines the essential steps and methodologies for effective communication and problem-solving between mothers and daughters.

Firstly, it is imperative that mothers communicate with their daughters in an accepting and understanding manner. It is recommended that mothers choose an appropriate time and place to ensure that there are no interruptions or distractions, thus allowing them to focus on listening to their daughters' thoughts and feelings.

It is imperative that mothers express their concern and support for their daughters, thereby fostering a sense of understanding and validation.

During communication, mothers should endeavor to gain a comprehensive understanding of their daughters' concerns and anxieties, as well as the potential underlying causes of the problems they are facing. To this end, it is recommended to employ open-ended questioning techniques to facilitate a productive dialogue and encourage daughters to articulate their challenges and confusion.

It is imperative that the mother demonstrate patience and allow her daughter sufficient time to articulate her thoughts and opinions.

Subsequently, mothers can provide guidance and support for their daughters' psychological well-being. They can assist their daughters in accepting past events and conveying that historical occurrences do not necessarily dictate future outcomes.

Mothers can encourage their daughters to believe in their own infinite possibilities and to persevere in the face of adversity. They can instill in their daughters an attitude of confidence in the future, so that they understand that even if they are currently facing difficulties, they can overcome them through hard work.

Thirdly, mothers should facilitate their daughters' understanding that not attending school does not signify a complete withdrawal from one's studies. In the contemporary era, the advent of online media has afforded daughters the opportunity to pursue independent studies at home, thereby enhancing their abilities and skills.

Mothers can encourage their daughters to enhance their learning efficiency and achieve superior outcomes through self-directed learning. It is crucial to persuade your daughter that solely by demonstrating resolve and overcoming challenges can she rekindle her motivation to learn and accomplish her objectives.

In the process of problem-solving, the mother must identify the root cause of the problem and develop a targeted solution. It is essential to convey to the daughter that if she abandons her efforts, she will miss the opportunity to regain her footing.

It is only through the maintenance of confidence and the overcoming of difficulties that one can embark on the road to success. A mother can assist her daughter in identifying alternative routes to her goal by avoiding difficulties in a variety of ways.

In general, the mother should communicate with her daughter in an understanding and supportive manner, identify the root cause of the problem, and provide targeted solutions. Through psychological counseling and guidance, encourage her daughter to overcome difficulties and regain confidence and motivation in learning.

It is our hope that the aforementioned suggestions will prove beneficial in facilitating more effective communication with your daughter and in resolving issues in a more constructive manner.

Good day. I can see that you are concerned about your daughter and that you want to help her. From your letter, I can sense that you hope to help her through your own efforts.

Your daughter was not accepted into her preferred high school during the junior year and was subsequently enrolled in a private institution.

You have made the decision to educate yourself in order to provide your daughter with the support she needs during her three years of high school. Initially, your daughter was a high achiever, but she has since become disillusioned with the school environment, reluctant to attend classes, and uncooperative with the psychological counseling offered. I understand your frustration, helplessness, and despair.

This is due to your efforts, but your daughter has developed various issues, including a reluctance to attend school, becoming passive, and arguing.

You may be experiencing confusion, which is understandable given the circumstances. You want to help your daughter, but her reluctance to accept assistance may make you feel helpless.

It appears that your child is experiencing feelings of fear and rejection at school, and it seems that she has limited avenues for expressing her pent-up emotions.

A child's dislike of school may be related to the teaching methods employed at the educational establishment or to the child's own psychological make-up. When a child is unable to accept reality from a personal perspective, it is to be expected that they will be reluctant to attend school.

It would be beneficial to establish a good communication channel with your daughter, listen to her thoughts, and understand her inner world.

It is essential to gain an understanding of the child's genuine thoughts and ascertain her true inner desires. Expressing concern, rather than criticism, is the key.

It is important to create a positive atmosphere in the family, encourage your daughter to participate in positive activities, and help her regain confidence. Assist your daughter in setting clear goals, helping her to achieve these goals in a step-by-step manner, rewarding her efforts, and motivating her to move forward.

In times of difficulty, it is often necessary to allow for a period of adjustment. Continue to provide support to your daughter, maintain resilience, and reinforce her capacity to overcome challenges.

Best regards,

Perhaps it would be helpful to encourage her to pursue the self less and to focus more on learning how to truly love others and adapt to people and things.

I believe that self-growth and change involves learning how to truly love others, adapt to people and events, correct the energy field, and avoid or alleviate negative emotions.

To truly love others is to wish and give others happiness, and to mentally accept, forgive, and forgive everyone, including the weak, whether they are outstanding or ordinary people. If there are mistakes or shortcomings, then they can be corrected. Everyone has the right to happiness, regardless of the closeness or distance of relationships, whether they are right or wrong, gains or losses, and so on. We all hope that others can be happy. People can bring mutual comfort and even joy to each other. It is good to love and accept others and oneself, to tolerate shortcomings and deficiencies, and to be kind at heart. In other words, it is beneficial to others or society, not to despise or reject ordinary people, and not to be jealous or intolerant of outstanding people.

If you find it challenging to connect with others, it can lead to feelings of negativity and emotional distress. To cultivate a more loving and fulfilling life, it's essential to embrace the art of loving others, adapt to different people and situations, and align your energy with positive intentions. Sharing your thoughts, feelings, interests, and even books, movies, music, and other forms of expression with others in real life and online, such as through Douban communities, can also be a wonderful way to connect and grow.

It may also be helpful to embrace a more balanced approach to love and contentment, including a willingness to appreciate the simple joys in life.

It is worth noting that negative energy can affect your physical health. To keep your body comfortable and healthy, you might like to consider a full body massage. A head massage includes the forehead and face, which also have meridians. You could try massaging the head with deep and firm hand movements, and pressing the stomach with a firm massage comb. It might be best to avoid pressing the stomach on an empty stomach, and then taking a walk.

It is important to recognize that negative emotions and behaviors can have a detrimental impact on our physical and mental well-being. When we allow ourselves to be consumed by negative thoughts and actions, it can lead to a multitude of challenges, including interpersonal conflicts, emotional and marital disharmony, and even difficulties in academic or career pursuits. The accumulation of negative energy, which often stems from a self-centered approach or pursuit of self-interest, can disrupt our energy field and create a rift between us and those around us. To foster a more harmonious and fulfilling life, it is essential to learn how to truly love and embrace others, adapt to different perspectives and situations, and align our energy field with that of others. By doing so, we can not only resolve conflicts and improve our emotional and interpersonal relationships but also better navigate the aforementioned challenges. Moreover, when we learn to truly love and appreciate the people and things in our lives, we can avoid becoming overly attached to love and experience a sense of inner fulfillment and meaning.

If it is helpful, they can also support those around them to grow and change together.

The way in which excessive self-centeredness manifests itself varies from person to person. It can manifest as a psychological motivation to pursue self-satisfaction, to compete for self-satisfaction, or to suppress self-deprecation and ingratiate oneself. It can also manifest as a tendency to blindly give in order to get, to fear losing, or to pay too much attention to oneself, which can generate stress and worry. Social phobia, being caught up in one's own emotions and thoughts, and attaching too much importance to what others think of oneself are also examples of how excessive self-centeredness can manifest. On the other hand, excessive self-centeredness can manifest as a tendency to demand one's own perfection, being obsessive, controlling, or possessing others. It can also manifest as a tendency to demand that others satisfy oneself, which can lead to feelings of resentment and discontent. Finally, excessive self-centeredness can manifest as a difficulty letting go of oneself to forgive and be forgiving, which can contribute to feelings of brooding.

Those who are overly focused on self-interest may experience a range of challenges, including anxiety, depression, fatigue, and difficulty adapting to social and professional environments. Individuals who genuinely care about others and are able to adapt to different situations tend to have a more balanced perspective, where self-interest is not the primary focus.

In essence, it is important to do your best, with a kind heart, and to avoid causing harm to others, because nobody wants to suffer.

Come here and give me a hug!

I know this is a tough spot to be in, but I'm here to help! Here are some tips to help you help your daughter get back on track:

1. Listen and understand: First, have a heart-to-heart with your daughter. Try to get inside her head and see where she's coming from. When you listen to her thoughts and understand her perspective on the situation, you'll be building a strong, trusting relationship.

2. Consider seeking professional help: Since your daughter is reluctant to see a psychologist, you might want to think about speaking with a counselor or youth counselor. They may have more effective ways of communicating with your daughter and helping her cope with her inner struggles.

3. Create a positive learning environment: It's so important to create a positive learning environment for your daughter! Try to encourage her to join study groups or after-school tutoring classes to exchange learning experiences with better students and stimulate her learning motivation.

4. Set achievable goals together: Work with your daughter to set clear learning goals and develop a feasible plan for achieving them. You can set goals for the short term, like completing a certain amount of homework or reviewing a certain course content each week, or you can set goals for the long term, like improving grades or meeting the requirements for entering a desired university.

5. Motivation and rewards: Give your daughter lots of positive motivation and rewards! When she makes progress or achieves a goal, give her some well-deserved recognition and rewards to boost her learning motivation and self-confidence.

6. Pay attention to lifestyle and emotional management: It's so important to pay attention to your daughter's lifestyle and encourage her to establish healthy habits, including regular rest and exercise, a good diet, and moderate exercise. At the same time, help her learn to effectively manage emotions and deal with setbacks and stress.

7. Patience and understanding: The most important thing is to be patient and understanding as a parent. We know it can be tough, but try not to pressure or scold your daughter too much. Give her lots of love and support, and be there for her when she needs help and guidance.

Above all, it's so important to build a strong, loving relationship with your daughter. Let her know she can always count on your support and love. Work together as a family to help her find her way back to her love of learning.

I totally get it. I know how it feels to be a parent and to feel helpless and anxious. I also know how much you love and care for your child. When it comes to your child's education, we need patience and wisdom. Here are some suggestions that I hope will help get your daughter back on track:

1. **Listen and understand**:

- Have a good, long chat with your child to try to get to the heart of why she doesn't want to go to school. Is it because she's feeling overwhelmed by all the learning?

Or could it be that she's having trouble with other kids at school? Or maybe she's having a hard time adjusting to the school environment?

It's so important to avoid criticism and blame, and to use understanding and empathy instead.

2. Build trust:

It's so important to try to establish a trusting relationship with your child. When your child feels like home is a place where she can confide in you and relax, it'll make such a difference!

- Try to give your child some personal space and avoid excessive supervision and control.

3. If you feel that your child could benefit from professional help, don't hesitate to seek it out.

If you feel that your child could really benefit from some professional help, it might be a good idea to find a reputable psychologist or psychiatrist.

If face-to-face counseling isn't working out for you and your little one, don't fret! There are plenty of other options out there, like online counseling or other forms of psychological counseling. Just choose the one that feels right for you and your child.

4. Set goals and plans:

It's also a great idea to set some short-term and long-term learning goals with your child, as well as a concrete plan for achieving these goals.

- Set specific and achievable goals so that your child can feel a sense of accomplishment with each step forward.

5. **Positive Living Habits:**

It's so important to encourage your little one to establish a regular routine and to make sure they're getting enough sleep.

It's also a great idea to get moving together! Not only will it improve your health, but it'll also help boost your mood and mental state.

6. Social activities:

It's always a great idea to encourage your little one to get involved in community activities or interest groups. It's a wonderful way to help them build their self-confidence and social skills!

- It's so important to get your child back into the swing of school life, and one of the best ways to do that is through interaction with their friends.

7. **Encourage self-awareness:**

- Be sure to encourage your little one to recognize her own value and potential. Help her develop self-drive and self-motivation, too!

8. Family Support:

It's so important to try to keep your family atmosphere as harmonious as possible. This will help to reduce any unnecessary stress.

It's so important for parents to be on the same page when it comes to their kids' education. Having a consistent approach is really beneficial for everyone involved!

9. It's so important to pay attention to your child's mental health!

It's so important to pay attention to your child's mental health and avoid excessive anxiety and depression.

If you're feeling a bit lost or unsure how to help, don't hesitate to reach out to a professional for guidance. They'll be able to offer you the support and advice you need to help your child.

Remember, every child is special and finding the right approach for your daughter may take time and a few tries. The most important thing is to be patient and loving, and believe in your child's ability to get out of difficult situations.

Hello, question asker.

Give her a warm handshake.

Your confusion: "What can I do to help you, my dear girl? My girl didn't do well on the high school entrance exam (she didn't try very hard) and couldn't get into her preferred high school. She ended up having to go to a private high school. As a parent, I can see my child is reluctant and regretful, so I'm determined to support her through these three most difficult years of high school.

I started teaching myself high school courses because I wanted my child to have someone to study with at home. I also wanted to motivate her and help her realize her dream of going to university. During the first few weeks of the first year of high school, my child really did work hard. She didn't play with her phone when she got home; she studied, reading and previewing and reviewing her lessons.

In the first exam and midterm, she ranked second in her class. But then she started complaining about her class. She said the environment was chaotic, classmates were cursing at the teacher, the teacher was cursing at the students, and some of the boys were drinking alcohol in class.

I once asked the teacher to switch my child to another class, but I was told that the classes were divided according to the results of the entrance exam, and that the exam results of the next few times would be taken into consideration. So I told my child to try harder and keep at it, and that we would be able to break out of this circle.

But the child didn't stick with it. At first, she was reluctant to go to school, even though we had arguments about it. Later, she just stopped going.

I took her to see a psychologist, and she agreed to go the first time, but then she simply stopped going. No amount of persuasion could change her mind, so I had to let her adjust on her own at home. After a month or so, plus the more than a month of vacation time, she hadn't adjusted at all. She was even more temperamental, spending all day playing with her phone, turning everything upside down, and refusing to go out. What makes me feel most desperate is that she doesn't say anything to me. I don't know why my child has become like this, and I'm not sure what I can do to save her.

So I'm here today to ask all the great gods if there is any good strategy that can help my daughter get back on track.

The questioner listened to your story, and I think you are a particularly responsible mother. You've sacrificed a lot for your child, but you've also faced a lot of misunderstanding. You always want to put your child back on the right track, but your child always wants to get off track. You don't know what triggered it or what to do.

I was thinking about a classic psychological experiment that explains learned helplessness. It's when something keeps failing, and you're reluctant to try again.

Scientists put mice in a cage that can be electrified. Every time the mouse tries to escape, it touches the switch and is shocked. One day, though, the motor fails, and the mouse no longer makes any effort to touch the switch. This is a classic experiment in psychology on learned helplessness.

It's the same with children's learning. When they don't get the result they want, they often say they don't want to study hard and adopt an evasive strategy.

So, how should we adjust? It's important to remember that sometimes the goal is set too high. Don't set a goal for a child that they can never reach. For example, a student with average academic performance but whose goal is to get into a top university is setting themselves up for disappointment. At this time, it might be a good idea to set a goal of completing something every day, for example, I will memorize five words every day. I don't require the child to be at the top of the class, as long as he maintains his own grades. In other words, lower the requirements on the child.

You might be feeling a bit confused. I want to help my child learn better, but if I lower my expectations, will he do even worse? That's not the case. Sometimes taking things slowly actually makes things faster.

Think about it. If he doesn't learn, he won't achieve his goals. This will make him feel helpless. If he mentions learning, he'll become anxious and depressed. His mind will be consumed by negative thoughts. He won't be able to absorb anything. All he can think about is how he'll never achieve that goal. He'll think about how he'll never reach that goal. He'll think about how he'll never reach that goal. He'll think about how he's so stupid. He'll think about how he's a failure. These negative thoughts will hit the child like arrows. This will stop him taking action. So, at this time, if you don't want to, you might as well lower your goals a bit. For example, if the child doesn't want to study for a while, let's let the child relax a bit. But we need to set a deadline. We need to relax for a day or two. We also need to take a break every two days. We also need to lower our goals. We don't need to be the top student in every grade. We just need to maintain our original level. We also need to make sure we don't fall behind. We also need to stop comparing ourselves to our peers. This is because they are improving more than you. You need to learn to compare yourself to your past self.

In short, let the child find his own value, then find his own pace, find his own outlook on life, and find what he really wants to do. Every child is like a flower: he knows where he'll go in the future, what he's good at, where he belongs, and where he'll shine. You have to trust your child and support him.

It's easy to say, but hard to do. Take your time; it'll be faster.

I love you, the world, and I support you.

Hello, question asker!

It's almost time for school to start! My child has been spending the last two months going out, not going out, and just looking at his phone. Who wouldn't be heartbroken if this happened to them? And you're the one who's trying to get your child to learn middle school-level knowledge, so you've even taught yourself high school-level knowledge. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you, but you're doing a great job!

I really want to say, "Pity the hearts of parents all over the world," but I'm also excited to see what the future holds for them. I can see everything you have done for your child. You are doing your best to save your child from the fire and water. So in my heart, I feel especially, especially excited for you. Hug you again!

So, in the current situation, how can you get your child to do what you want? Honestly, it's really not easy. But you're doing your best! You're trying to communicate with your child, taking him to the psychologist, and letting him adjust on his own when it really doesn't work. Now you can come here again to seek scientific methods. You're doing everything you can to save your child. I really admire you in this regard, and you must be given a big thumbs up!

But I also want to say that you can't rush the process of growing up. Psychology says that those who suffer seek help, and those who seek help change. So I'm excited to talk to you about my true feelings for the first time!

I noticed that you said your child's middle school entrance exam results were not ideal, and you deliberately noted in parentheses that your child did not work hard. I think what I'm trying to say is that in your child's mind, you may have been more critical when it came to your child's studies. If that's really the impression you gave your child, then when your child entered high school, you taught yourself high school knowledge in order to study at the same frequency as your child and make your child feel less alone. You may say, "Look, I studied hard for you, so why can't you study?" Perhaps your child was moved by your studies in the first month or two of high school, and the new environment of learning, coupled with your child's own sense of dissatisfaction and regret, will give him the strength to study hard. We know that if you study too hard, it will hurt your body and spirit. No one can always study like a machine forever. Therefore, after two months of studying, your child may be physically and mentally tired, and since his classmates are all familiar with each other, the environment may really change in the future. I also noticed that when your child was not in school, you two had arguments.

I think when you argue, you must also feel very, very bitter, and you want to use your own suffering to move your child. In our own hearts, we think that way is the best way!

I'm a little surprised that you're determined to study with your child instead of doing something else because I think this way. In fact, I think it's better for children to learn certain spiritual qualities, such as being optimistic when they fail an exam, being content wherever they go, and persevering when doing things. I'm excited to hear more about your specific circumstances so I can better understand the significance of you studying high school cultural knowledge with your child. If I've misunderstood you, please forgive me.

I also want to tell you about some exciting changes happening in junior high school! They're now divided into streams when it comes to high school. I'm sure you've heard about it. The current situation is that vocational high schools are developing, and there are too many university graduates. It is very difficult for them to find a job. In addition, with the development of artificial intelligence, learning knowledge is becoming less and less important. We learn knowledge to make our thinking less rigid and more flexible. We must learn some essential qualities to enable us to live a better life. This is the future trend of education, and it's an exciting one!

If you look at education in this way, I want to tell you something from the bottom of my heart: the most important thing right now is not to rush your child to school, but to let him feel happy playing with his phone at home. Let your child feel the beauty of life! In this way, the most important thing right now is to handle the relationship with your child well, so that he feels that home is a safe haven. When your child encounters problems, he can feel very safe at home, rather than feeling like a sinner. In that case, an adolescent child may use his own unique way to prove his existence—and that's a wonderful thing!

I know this may be tough to hear, but I truly believe it would be best for him to take a little break from school. It might help him heal emotionally if he stops fighting with you so much. This will make it easier for you both and help your child to feel happy at home. There are so many great options out there for him to learn and grow. With the internet, he can learn anything he wants, not just in a classroom.

If you can, try to think about yourself as well as your child. Find something interesting to do! Then, earn more money to increase the family income and improve your child's life. If you can do it, you can also support your child without him going to school, so that he can live a better life. With this confidence, this kind of role model may be more effective for your child. Now, what about you?

Think this way: if your child can't adjust, let him adjust slowly. If it doesn't work, no problem! Just give him a leave of absence and let him start again in the second half of the year. As long as he adjusts, it's no problem if he's a year behind.

I truly believe that the key to overcoming this problem is to adjust our mentality and accept that we can change ourselves. It's not easy to change others, even our children. But if we can be big-hearted, we can make a difference. As long as our children are healthy and have enough to eat, we can focus on our own lives with a positive outlook.

First, focus on your own life with gusto! Believe that you can do it, that you can live your life well, that you can be a role model for your children, and that one day your children will also increase their efforts and have their own wonderful lifestyles.

Come on, the world and I love you!

Dear Sir/Madam, After careful consideration of your account, I am left with a sense of ambiguity.

It is evident that you are committed to your child's academic pursuits, even going so far as to provide her with your guidance and support. While many parents offer their children merely a supportive presence, you have taken the initiative to actively engage in your child's learning journey.

From another perspective, it seems somewhat excessive to interfere with your child's studies. While your child did perform well in their first year of high school, this was only in their own class.

The reason for her reluctance to attend school may be due to the unfavorable learning environment in her class, as she has indicated, or it may be the result of an unidentified external factor that she is reluctant to disclose.

First, from the child's perspective, discuss some of the behaviors mentioned. The child was unable to gain admission to the school of their choice. It is evident that the child is dissatisfied and has misgivings about this outcome. While the child may not have achieved their initial goal, it is important to recognize that they may also be experiencing feelings of disappointment and inadequacy.

In the initial stages of the first academic year, the child demonstrated considerable academic proficiency. It is plausible that this contributed to a sense of unease and disruption among their peers who did not invest the same level of effort. With regard to the transfer, it was anticipated that the child would demonstrate resilience and strive for commendable performance in the concluding examinations.

It is evident that my child did not opt to persevere. The circumstances surrounding her were beyond her capacity to bear, leading her to choose an escape route through tantrums, phone games, and a refusal to communicate.

From your perspective, the student did not exert a significant effort.

"I thus resolved to provide my child with support throughout the three most challenging years of high school, with the aim of assisting her in achieving her aspiration of attending university."

During the initial weeks of the first academic year, my child demonstrated remarkable effort. She abstained from leisure activities on her return home, instead devoting her time to rigorous study and lesson preparation. I was immensely gratified by this development. However, this period was soon followed by a series of challenges.

"Therefore, I can only advise my child to persevere, maintain her efforts, and we can ultimately overcome this challenging situation. Despite my best efforts, I am unable to persuade her to change her mindset." "No matter what I say, I am unable to persuade her."

"What evokes the greatest sense of despair is the lack of communication from her." "How might I assist you?"

"

Parents may experience a sense of relief when they observe their children engaged in rigorous academic pursuits. It is important to recognize that children are adept at discerning their parents' emotions through their verbal and non-verbal cues.

Has your child been exerting considerable effort to become the person you desire her to be? It is unclear whether this has always been the case.

The three years of high school are perceived as challenging, and facilitating your child's navigation through them while supporting their aspiration of attending university represents your immediate priority. You are accustomed to viewing your child's difficulties from your own perspective, yet you seldom engage in direct communication with them. You lack insight into their inner world, their understanding of the academic process, and you primarily observe their academic performance.

When a child complains to a parent, it indicates that the child is still willing to communicate with the parent. However, when the child realizes that she is unable to alter the situation and is overwhelmed by negative emotions, she is forced to cease communication.

Ultimately, your objective is to assist your child in regaining their trajectory, maintaining their academic rigor, and attaining commendable outcomes. The human body is indeed remarkable. When it is overburdened, the mind will compel the body to take a respite.

The current state of your child evokes feelings of anxiety in you, prompting a desire to provide encouragement. However, there are certain actions that only the child can take, and parents cannot substitute for them.

It is possible for parents to facilitate their child's recovery from this period of adjustment. Given that your child previously demonstrated academic success, it is likely that she will be able to resume her previous level of performance once she has recuperated. Best wishes!

Dear Parents,

I respect you for your efforts. As a parent, you have made great efforts for your child's education and future.

I know you're anxious and feel helpless, but your child still has many possibilities and you can still help her.

Here are some tips for you and your child:

Understand and accept. Your child's behavior may be a way to cope with stress. Adolescents often avoid and rebel when faced with difficulties.

Accept your child's emotions and behavior.

Communication is key. If your child is not ready to talk, be patient and create a safe space. Let them know you're always there for them.

Sometimes, it's easier to communicate through non-verbal means.

Pay attention to your child's emotional needs. They may need more than just academic support. Try to understand the specific problems they are having in class.

This will help you support her better.

If your child won't see a psychologist, you can get other professional help. This could be family counseling or an experienced counselor coming to your home.

Family counseling helps you and your child work out communication and interaction problems.

If your child won't take part, you could try counseling to learn how to support them better.

Set limits and rules. It's good to be understanding, but you also need to set reasonable limits. For example, you can decide on basic rules about phone use and bedtimes.

Focus on your child's strengths and interests. Encourage your child to participate in activities that interest her. These activities can be sports, art, music, etc.

Take care of yourself. You can only support your child if you're healthy and positive.

Every child has their own rhythm and timing. There will be twists and challenges along the way, but these are all part of growing up. Your child is unique and needs time and space to explore and discover themselves.

Your presence and support is the best gift you can give.

You're doing a great job. You're not alone. Get help if you need it.

I hope you and your child find the strength to move forward.

Hello!

From your description, I can tell you're feeling helpless and anxious. You're aware of this, and it's good that you're facing it.

You seem like a great mother. You're always learning, aware, and encouraging your child. You're also wise. When your child faces a challenge, you explore and adjust your state of mind. You even try to hold your child back so you can give him a hug.

All problems are resources. We can solve our own problems. When our children have problems, we can grow too.

Some suggestions might help.

Learn more about psychological communication skills or psychological knowledge to become stronger. Learn some psychological communication skills so that you know how to guide and help your child.

Second, you are already accepting and tolerating your child, which is great. When your child resists school, teachers, and classmates, we need to understand your child. First, we need to empathize with your child's emotions. For example, you can say, "I understand how you feel."

This helps the child feel understood and open up. Sometimes the child just says this, but when parents don't validate their feelings, they feel uncomfortable.

Don't worry. Be emotionally stable. Learn psychology or distract yourself. Give children space, but guide them. Let them play with their phones with you. This helps them regain trust in us. Get out of this mood.

If the child doesn't want to see a psychologist, don't force them. It might not be their problem. We can't change a child unless they're willing to change. But we can influence them by changing ourselves.

Hello, question asker! Thank you for your sincere question. I can feel that you are very anxious right now, but I'm here to help! As a parent, facing your child not going to school is probably more difficult and more difficult to deal with than facing your own pain and difficulties. But together, we can get through this!

It's time to take a deep breath and think with your child about the exciting challenges she's facing at school. From your description, it sounds like your child has recently encountered two big opportunities for growth.

The first is the middle school entrance exam, the results were not very good, and she did not go to her preferred high school. Your note says that she did not try very hard either. This is an excellent opportunity for her to try again! Has the child already encountered some similar high school adaptation difficulties in junior high school?

If a child is unable to go to school, it's likely they've faced similar challenges before. When difficulties arise, the child may choose to take a break from school to work through them.

How does the child feel about the results of the entrance exam? How do you and the rest of the family feel about it? Do you think the child could have worked harder? Apart from this reason, are there any other influencing factors?

The second is that in the first year of high school, the student got good grades at first, but later encountered some challenges in the class environment. This is totally normal! It's a big step going from middle school to high school, and it's natural to feel a bit reluctant to go to school sometimes.

How does the child feel about getting such great grades in their first year of high school? How do you and the family feel about it, for example, that the child studies hard and has self-control? The main thing is to listen to how the child feels about their own grades and whether there is any difference between the child's and the parents' interpretations.

And there's more! It seems that interpersonal relationships also require more attention. Children at this age value their image among peers very highly and care a great deal about what their peers think of them.

How does the child get along with the other students in the class? It's so important to understand how they interact with their peers! And, does she encounter any difficulties? We want to know everything! The class is in chaos, so ask the child to describe exactly what happened and how she perceives the behavior of her classmates and teachers. What specific insults were used? We want to know!

Oh, this is going to be fun! When a classmate scolds a teacher or a teacher scolds a classmate, what is the child doing and how does she feel about the classmate scolding the teacher or the teacher scolding the classmate?

The more specific you are, the more you can discover what the specific difficulties are that the child is encountering—and then you can help them overcome them!

Let's explore all the possibilities! Is there only one option for changing classes? Does the child want to change classes? What are the concerns if classes are not changed? What are the concerns if classes are changed?

If we can sort out these problems, the child will be able to go to school without any issues. If they are asked to go to school or coaxed into going to school, there is a chance that the problem will recur, but we can avoid that by working together!

I'm so excited to share this with you! It's just a brief discussion based on the information you provided, but I think it'll be really helpful.

I really hope my answer is helpful!

I hope that my response will prove to be of some assistance to you.

As a mother, I can comprehend your sentiments. You may believe that your child's aspirations can only be fulfilled through university education. However, your child has now exhibited a lack of interest in attending school, excessive phone usage, sleep disturbances, social withdrawal, and communication difficulties. This indicates that the parent-child relationship may be experiencing challenges. The parent-child relationship serves as the foundation for all communication. If this relationship is not optimal, the child may be less receptive to parental input, regardless of the content. Regarding the sudden decline in motivation at school, it is essential to identify the underlying causes. Only through a comprehensive understanding can targeted interventions be made. In this case, it appears to be a form of escape strategy. What is the child attempting to escape from?

Furthermore, assistance is required to facilitate the process of identifying the aforementioned solution and subsequently instilling the requisite inner strength to enable the child to persevere.

It is my recommendation that you:

Firstly, it is essential to establish a positive and constructive parent-child relationship. This foundation is crucial for fostering a healthy and open communication between parents and their children. Without a supportive and trusting relationship, children may be reluctant to communicate with their parents, making it challenging for parents to have a meaningful impact on their children's lives.

It is possible that your child will not communicate with you. She may believe that there is no benefit in doing so. What are the reasons behind her actions? There is always a rationale behind a person's behaviour. If she feels that there is no value in communicating with you, it suggests that she does not feel understood by you and that you are unable to assist her.

The question then becomes: Why does she feel this way? The answer lies in identifying her actual needs.

Does the child study for extended periods of time each day? Does she experience pressure to study even when she is unable to learn?

The reason for her aversion to the educational environment is that the act of learning no longer elicits positive emotions. It is plausible that she experiences a pervasive sense of distress and discomfort. Her inability to perform the simplest motor functions is a clear indication of the immense challenges she is facing. What she requires is not merely a regimen of pressure and objectives but rather a sense of understanding and support.

It is possible that the child's reticence is a result of a lack of acceptance, respect, and understanding from the parent. The child may also feel that the parent is not on her side or that her needs are not being met in the relationship. In order to repair the relationship, it is essential to provide the child with acceptance, understanding, and respect. The child should be made to feel that the parent is on her side and that the parent is interested in and concerned about her well-being. The parent should also be curious about what is happening to the child and should be willing to provide specific assistance to the child in overcoming the difficulties she is encountering. This would involve a shift away from the parent's constant urging of the child to attend school.

If the parent-child relationship is indeed positive and the child is willing to communicate, then the parent's words will have a greater impact and the child will benefit most from the parent's trust and encouragement.

2. It is important to convey to your child that you are on her side and that you are there to help her find solutions. In order to do so, it is essential to understand the reasons behind her reluctance to attend school and her excessive use of her mobile phone. It would also be beneficial to ascertain what she gains from her phone that she cannot obtain in real life.

The child's refusal to attend school and excessive phone use are merely symptoms of an underlying issue. It is likely that the child is avoiding something, and the phone provides a means of avoiding this issue. This avoidance may be reinforced by the child's engagement with the phone, leading to addiction. It is important to note that all children desire improvement. The child's confidence and motivation during her freshman year provide a contrast to her current situation. The emergence of difficulties that the child is unable to overcome may be the reason for this change. These difficulties may be related to the negative environment in the class, academic challenges, or other factors. In conclusion, the child requires assistance to overcome these obstacles.

The advice provided by the mother, which was to "keep up the good work" and to "get out of this rut," may have the unintended consequence of placing additional pressure on the daughter. It is evident that the daughter does not feel supported or understood. It would be beneficial to understand how the daughter managed the intense study schedule in her first year of high school. If that process consistently resulted in feelings of depression and tension, it is likely that any attempt to replicate that schedule will have the opposite effect. The most effective way to maintain a positive learning state is not through external pressure but through the enhancement of internal motivation and the use of appropriate methods to make the learning process interesting and enjoyable.

For further information on this topic, please refer to my article, "When Learning Becomes a Game, You Will Also Become Addicted."

It is possible to observe the content of your child's phone usage. If you have a positive relationship with your child, you can inquire directly about her most frequent activities on the phone. This inquiry can be conducted with curiosity and a focus on understanding her motivations. You may find that your child's intense engagement with her phone is driven by a desire for items that are currently unavailable to her at school or home. In this way, she is seeking to obtain these items through her phone. Once you have identified the underlying reasons for her phone usage, and she has perceived your understanding and approval, you can begin to redirect her attention to alternative sources of satisfaction. These could include the sense of accomplishment derived from achieving a goal, the happiness derived from being cared for, and the sense of value gained from working with others.

3. In addition to seeking professional psychological counseling, parents can also assist their children in adjusting their perception, stimulating their internal motivation to learn, and enhancing their ability to resist distractions in their environment, thereby cultivating an optimistic mindset.

The initial two points serve as the foundation, and it may require an extended period to achieve them. Once this foundation is established, if the child is amenable to communication and receptive to parental guidance, it may be beneficial to consider psychological counseling. Concurrently, parents can facilitate their child's capacity to adjust their perception, confront the challenges they are currently facing, recognize and challenge their negative thought patterns, and encourage the development of more constructive and positive thinking patterns to foster an optimistic outlook, stimulate internal learning motivation, and enhance their ability to resist distractions in their environment, develop social skills, and more. It is recommended that parents read the book "Teaching an Optimistic Child," as it offers valuable insights and strategies.

If feasible, it would be beneficial to consult with the school's psychological counselor for guidance and assistance.

The aforementioned information is provided for your reference. Best regards,

Hello there!

After reading your description, I totally get where you're coming from.

I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter's unsatisfactory results on the high school entrance exam. It's understandable that she didn't work very hard, and it's a shame she wasn't able to get into the high school of her choice. I can imagine how difficult this must have been for you as a parent. It's natural to feel reluctant and regretful, but it's so admirable that you're determined to support your child through these three most difficult years of high school.

"If you want to solve a problem, you must first know where the problem lies. In this paragraph, you clearly wrote that it was your child's own lack of effort that prevented him from getting into the high school of his choice.

How do you define and judge the fact that the child here is not trying very hard? And is this dream of high school still in your heart or in your child's heart?

I think the main reason for this problem with outdated family education is that parents have blurred the lines between what should be clear and what should not. It's so hard to navigate these waters! It's precisely for this reason that children's stress increases, leading them to refuse to communicate with their parents and act out.

Every parent wants their child to succeed, and I totally get that. But here the question is more about whether you are more unwilling and regretful, or your child is more unwilling and regretful? From your description, it seems that you are more unwilling and regretful.

Second, in your description, you wrote, "So with only junior high school education, I started to teach myself high school courses, just so that my child would not feel lonely when studying at home, and that my actions would motivate her and help her realize her dream of going to university." It's so admirable that you want to help your child realize her dream of going to university through your own actions! I can tell that you've been through it, and you know very well that what is lost is lost. You don't want your child to regret her choice in the future, and I can see why you'd want to help her achieve her dreams.

I can see where you're coming from, but I don't think your methods are quite right. They might even be putting a bit of pressure on your children.

You also mentioned that things took a turn for the worse. It's so hard when our kids face challenges at school. I can imagine how frustrating it must have been to hear your children complaining about their class. It's so sad when the environment is not supportive, and it's even more heartbreaking when the teacher is scolding the students. I can relate to your concern about the drinking in class. It's never a good sign when students are drinking alcohol in school. I'm sorry you had to go through this. I can understand why you asked the teacher to transfer your child to another class. It's natural to want the best for our kids. However, it's important to remember that the classes are divided according to the entrance exam results. I'm sure you'll be able to find a way to support your child in the next few exams.

This is a kind of inner confession from the child, like a ship adrift at sea. When it needs a harbor to shelter from the stormy seas it cannot bear, you are backing it out. As you describe it, "So I can only tell the child to keep trying and persevere, and we can break out of this circle."

I can imagine you might be feeling a bit uncomfortable right now, and I'm here to help. It's not just you who's affected by this, but your child too. You said your child didn't persevere, which is a really tough thing to see. But I'm here to help you ask yourself and answer the question: how can your child persevere?

It's totally understandable that your child might feel abandoned and rejected. It's not easy to see our kids struggling, especially when we're trying our best to support them. It's natural to think that they might not see themselves as sick, so it can feel like a waste of time to take them to a psychologist. And even if they did go, it might not have the desired effect. We all know that learning takes a certain approach to work, and the same is true for mental health.

I have a suggestion for you:

1. First things first, it's important to assess your financial situation. From what you've shared, it seems like the learning environment is really important to you and your child. I hope you can see that since ancient times, the environment has had a big impact on people's character. Otherwise, there would be no classic educational scene – Mencius's mother moved three times! If you're looking to make a judgment about your current situation, this is a great place to start. This is also why it's so important to assess your finances.

2. Don't worry, there are other educational methods out there that you can use to help your child learn. For example, the educational method in "Galaxy Tutoring" is a great one to learn from.

3. It's great that you want to motivate your child by learning alongside them! It's a wonderful way to bond. However, I just wanted to suggest that the method might need a little tweaking. Have you considered studying to obtain the corresponding diploma? That could really help you to be effective.

I just wanted to say that the above content is for reference only.

Dear Question Asker,

I am the respondent, Mr. Yao, a consultant with a psychoanalytic-dynamic orientation.

If it were possible, I would offer a gesture of comfort to soothe your troubled and distressed emotional state.

It is evident that you are a highly responsible mother. In order to assist your daughter in navigating the three-year high school curriculum,

However, you did take the initiative to study with your daughter, which is commendable. This demonstrates a responsible attitude and a spirit of learning that is worthy of praise.

It is unclear what the nature of the relationship between you and your daughter is, as well as the quality of communication between you.

If we exclude the topic of learning, what is the nature of the relationship between you and your daughter?

As stated in your post, the reason for your daughter's decision to suspend her studies and engage in leisure activities is attributed to the suboptimal learning environment.

The environment is undoubtedly a contributing factor, potentially representing the final straw that led to this outcome.

However, it would be beneficial to consider the possibility that there may have been multiple contributing factors, or "straws," leading up to the final straw that causes significant distress.

Subsequently, an attempt will be made to elucidate the rationale behind your daughter's decision to lie down and refuse to engage in any further action. This will be achieved through the utilisation of an explanation derived from psychoanalytic dynamics.

The reasons for this are as follows:

Firstly, learned helplessness occurs when persistent efforts fail to yield the desired outcome.

To elucidate, learned helplessness denotes a behavioral and psychological state of hopelessness and powerlessness in the face of reality that is shaped through learning.

The psychological state was first proposed by American psychologist Martin E. P. Seligman in 1967 when studying animals.

The primary causes of learned helplessness are the long-term accumulation of poor academic performance and the use of inappropriate evaluation methods.

In addition, incorrect attributions may play a role.

Incorrect attribution, etc.

If the child's persistent efforts fail to yield the desired outcomes, they may develop an intense aversion to school and learning.

This results in a decline in mental faculties and a loss of motivation.

Secondly, this explanation may be perceived as distressing, but it is the most significant theory of psychoanalysis, and arguably, the most valuable.

It is hoped that the following advice will be of value to both you and your daughter.

If the daughter is overly attached to her mother, or if they are in a symbiotic relationship, it may be the result of a subconscious process.

The daughter may also engage in a form of indirect aggression, which manifests as criticism of the mother.

Given that your daughter is already in adolescence, it is important to understand that the primary objective of psychological development and growth during this period is

If the daughter is overly attached to her mother, or if they are in a symbiotic relationship, it may be subconsciously perceived as an attack on her mother. The daughter's ability to be herself and become independent may be hindered if she is too close to her mother. This may result in her daughter becoming angry.

She thus betrayed her mother's original intention and wish, which was that your daughter could gain admission to the ideal university through private school.

It is possible that your own desire was for your daughter to cooperate with you from an early age in order to fulfill this goal. When you subsequently encountered difficulties in achieving it,

Subsequently, she commenced self-devaluation, manifesting discontent with you on one hand and self-loathing on the other.

Thirdly, the regression of your daughter's highly narcissistic frustration.

If your daughter has been indulged since childhood, she may have developed a highly narcissistic character trait. This trait

The subject displays a tendency toward vanity, an internal pursuit of perfection, and an aversion to making mistakes or experiencing failure. Frustration leads to

It is a relatively simple matter for an individual to choose a regression method as a means of relieving internal anxiety.

Fourthly, it is possible that the daughter selected to lie down because she was subconsciously motivated to prolong her time with her mother.

At the conscious level, the daughter's independence does require her to push away her mother. However, if subconsciously,

Your daughter is aware of your feelings of separation anxiety and is complying with your wishes by remaining at home.

It is worth noting that while it is commendable that you are spending time with your daughter and assisting her with her studies, you may wish to consider whether

It is possible that your subconscious desire is to spend time with your daughter.

The child's learning process is intended to be an independent endeavor. However, in this case, the mother has assumed the role of a constant, guiding presence in the child's academic journey.

Even monitoring her studies may, subconsciously, convey to the child that her mother is dependent on her.

The only means of meeting her mother's subconscious needs is to perform poorly at school or even to remain at home.

In the event of a breakdown,

Perhaps it would be beneficial for the mother to consider her own spiritual growth. It is only through the process of growing up and being courageous enough to embrace one's true self that

It is imperative that the mother be courageous and encourage the child's autonomy and self-expression. Otherwise, the symbiotic relationship between mother and daughter will remain intact.

The child will be unable to achieve individual separation.

The object relations theory posits that the capacity for individual autonomy is a key indicator of psychological maturity.

The consequence is that the more effectively an individual is able to disassociate themselves from their familial origins, the more developed and mature their personality will be, and thus the more capable they will be of adapting to the demands of society. Conversely, the less effectively an individual is able to disassociate themselves from their familial origins,

Such individuals are unable to adapt to societal norms and are therefore confined to the domestic sphere.

It can be reasonably deduced that a significant proportion of the individuals who are currently classified as "layabouts," "giant babies," and "freeloaders" in contemporary society are the result of an incomplete process of individual separation.

Secondly, it is imperative that you consider how to mitigate your anxiety, as elevated anxiety levels may

Such actions may result in the child becoming even more anxious and less willing to communicate with the parent.

Moreover, it is imperative to consider that constructive communication with one's daughter is a crucial factor in achieving the objective of her attending school.

The fundamental question is how to cultivate empathy, emotional resonance, and a capacity for empathetic imagination.

It bears noting that the above analysis is based on data limitations and therefore represents a purely violent and barbaric perspective.

For further reference, please see:

It is recommended that you consider seeking professional counseling for more effective assistance.

Dear questioner, I am Duoduo Lian. I am here to support you.

I can feel your love for your child. After failing the high school entrance exam, you are determined to help your child fulfill his dream of going to university. He is doing well in his first year of university, but he can't keep up with the workload and doesn't want to go to school. You want to save your child, but he doesn't want to communicate with you.

Parents have a profound impact on their children's language development. With persistence, we can break out of this cycle. Do you want to break out of this cycle? Have you consulted your child?

You chose a private high school, so you must have been prepared for this. Do you agree with giving your child the choice?

Children meet their parents' expectations, and expectations can be overwhelming. You can also think about your worries about the future and your dissatisfaction with the current situation. What your child needs is your support, not your sense of self-worth.

As a junior high school graduate, you have experienced a lot of hardships. You want your child to have a high level of education, which is also the wish of every parent. You teach yourself high school courses and accompany your child. Your actions are powerful, but you must ask yourself: is this what your child wants? It may bring her pressure.

It's time to change your mindset. The employment situation is not optimistic at the moment, but that doesn't matter. Even if you have a high degree, the focus is on enhancing your child's sense of value. Confronting setbacks and failures is something that needs to be communicated. The future is an era of win-win cooperation, and going it alone is a thing of the past.

It is crucial for parents to prioritize their own well-being and happiness, as this directly impacts their ability to raise a healthy child. Parents who are career-minded, pursue the good life, and are happy are what children want. Rather than thinking of yourself as saving your child, recognize that your child is saving you. She wants to succeed and hates that she is not working hard enough to fulfill her mother's wishes. Do you agree?

If you find something wrong, your efforts will be in vain. Children don't go out and have no communication with you, and they fight back in this way. As parents, you must remain calm. Children are testing their parents. I've messed up and failed. You must accept such a child. What kind of child lives in your heart? How do you evaluate your child?

Children need to know that their parents are their world.

It's also important to rest and care for yourself. Don't pass on your anxiety to your child. There's a talent for learning. Not going to school doesn't mean the child isn't growing up. The college entrance exam is about more than just knowledge. It's also about mentality. Every child has a university to go to, so there's no need to worry.

Children are thinking, and they have high expectations of themselves and are assertive. Parents must be prepared for a long battle. Children grow up gradually, and there is no quick fix. The solution is simple: stay away from children, live your own life to the full, and prove by your actions that junior high school students also have a bright future.

Children nowadays have thoughts and ideas. Many have already surpassed the limitations of their parents' thinking. Don't give advice or make requests. Just let the child rest, eat, and drink when they want.

Be good to yourself. Don't let yourself down. Be the best you can be. Influence life with life.

Best wishes.