The daughter-in-law and mother-in-law disagree on how to raise the baby. How should they handle this?

Hello! I can see your anxiety, but I'm here to help! Being in the middle of a busy work schedule and having to also regulate the atmosphere at home can really make people feel torn between two sides, but I know you can do it!

I think you should be the bridge, and try to build a beautiful rainbow bridge!

Add a little lubricant to break down barriers and watch things get better!

It's totally normal for your spouse and mother-in-law to have different opinions. They might have different ages, living habits, cultural backgrounds, and so on. I hope you can accept this and use the unique "worldly wisdom" of an "outsider" to smooth things over. For example, regarding the air conditioning incident, you could say something like this: "Mom, she (your spouse) is a little embarrassed to let you come all this way to take care of the baby, and it's such a hot day. Turn it on, but I'm afraid you won't be used to it; if you don't, I'm afraid the baby will get heat rash. I'm thinking, are you feeling unwell these past two days?"

This is a great way to help the mother lower her guard towards her daughter-in-law and get them chatting. Everyone wants the children to be comfortable, and this will be a fantastic resource for solving problems. If the air conditioning temperature is well controlled, it will be comfortable for all three parties!

Use some language to smooth things over with the mother-in-law and watch the magic happen!

— Absolutely! Pay attention to the usual details so you can resolve problems before they become big issues.

I really hope that after you have successfully handled this matter, you can try to pay attention to the usual details, communicate more with both parties, and work together to take care of the children in a harmonious way. There are definitely many details that can be "lubricated," and there are definitely many minor problems that may lead to disputes that can become opportunities for family harmony!

— Take good care of yourself, and make work and family a happy two-way rush!

I know you're a busy bee, juggling your career and household duties. So, it's important to take care of yourself. When faced with challenges that you can't solve, try to express yourself sincerely and show your vulnerability. You can be "coy" with your lover and your mother at the same time!

"Honey, I'm really in a difficult situation. What do you think I should do?" "Mom, what should I do?"

Every family has its own unique challenges, but every family can find joy and happiness when they embrace love. Let's do this!

Hello! I understand your relief at being between two women who love you the most.

First, apply lubricant. In terms of the problem you're currently facing, I think you can remind your mother to turn on the air conditioner by calling her from the perspective of caring for your family. For example, you could say, "Mom, I looked at today's weather forecast and it's quite hot."

You should drink more water, turn on the air conditioning, and don't be afraid to spend a little money. I know an auntie who didn't go to the hospital when she was unwell because she was trying to save money.

Secondly, when the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are watching the child together, I believe there's a principle that whoever asks for help and whoever compromises should do so. For example, if the young couple cannot take care of the child and need help from their parents, they should accommodate their parents' habits.

For example, when it comes to food, if the elderly person has a strong palate, then the taste has to be catered to. Or, meals can be prepared for them that suit their taste. They cannot be made to adapt to bland food on the grounds that a strong palate is harmful to health. Accommodating or compromising does not mean that you just stand by and do nothing. You have to be considerate of the other person and not make them do the work and put them through suffering.

Once again, elderly people love their children. As a child, you can use the care others show you to your advantage.

For instance, you could bring up the air conditioner with your mother. You could say something like, "You're in great shape, but we can't. We just can't go without turning on the air conditioner."

"You can see how much sweat I'm producing." The old man was probably worried about his child, so he probably turned on the air conditioner.

If the elderly person can't stand the air conditioning and there's only one air conditioner in the house, you can get a fan and turn it on in a certain room to solve the real problem.

Ultimately, if you find yourself caught between your mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it's important to make it clear to whichever party makes a request that it's your own request and for your own sake. Both women love you, so they can compromise for your sake. However, if it's for their sake, it's likely to be more challenging.

I hope you find the wisdom you need to solve family problems and that harmony at home will lead to success in all your endeavors.

Hello!

It's no secret that mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law don't always see eye to eye. It's been a Chinese problem since ancient times! I recently watched a TV series called "Come on, Mom," in which You You's father tried to please both his wife and mother-in-law, but that was impossible because they were so estranged from each other.

In the end, poor Youyou's mother had no choice but to move to another house.

As the questioner said, my mom lives in Yunnan and isn't used to turning on the air conditioner.

And my wife is feeling the heat at home and thinks it might be nice to turn on the air conditioner.

It's true that 30 degrees is pretty hot and tough for most people to handle. Your wife asked you to chat with your mother about turning on the air conditioning. Just imagine if it was your mother-in-law who turned off the air conditioning — your wife would totally be fine with it!

It's totally understandable that your wife is more polite and might be afraid of having conflicts if she speaks directly to the mother-in-law. After all, the mother-in-law is never the mother, so it's natural to be a little cautious. And it's true that it might lead to conflict more quickly than if you were to speak to her.

"I'm just a little worried that my mother might think my wife came to me to complain and that conflicts will arise later."

I'm not sure if they have frequent conflicts. If they don't, then there's no need to worry too much. But if they do, it would be great if you could try to improve their relationship.

For instance, you could buy them each a little gift and say it's from the other person. The most important thing is that you can tell right from wrong.

It's important to remember that on days when the temperature is over 30 degrees, everyone feels the heat differently. While some of us can handle the heat quite well, children and the elderly are more likely to feel the effects of the heat. If your mother is feeling the cold, she can always wear more clothes at home. However, when it comes to heat, it's not about wearing less.

You can talk to your mother about how hard it is to bear such hot days and worry about your child suffering from heat stroke. How you communicate depends on your usual habits, so just do whatever feels right for you!

I really hope the questioner can be brave and take responsibility. It's so important not to let anyone in the family feel upset or unable to speak up.

And have a wonderful life!

And may you have a happy life!

Hello, host! I read your question and description.

Tell me how you feel.

The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law don't get along. They're polite, but they don't accept each other. The mother-in-law is living with you to help with the children. She and your wife haven't formed a strong emotional connection.

If the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law disagree, the wife will tell her husband how she feels. She hopes he will understand and sympathize with her. She also hopes he will fulfill her wishes. In response to your description, I'm guessing. They are not necessarily true, but they are just a reminder that you can feel your wife's psychological needs. The deeper psychological needs require you to feel with your heart. I believe you can know how to meet your wife's reasonable internal needs.

You care about your wife and mother. You want your family to be happy.

Your mother feels a little uncomfortable when she leaves home and comes to your place, but she is willing to work hard to help with the children. If your mother feels that there is no need to turn on the air conditioner, or if it's not good for the children's health, she'll do it.

Did your mother talk to your wife about turning off the air conditioning? If she did, what did she need? How can you help her get what she needs in the future?

If the mother feels respected, cared for, and affirmed...

Here are some tips for dealing with the situation:

It doesn't matter if your wife or mother loves the health of your baby, if your baby is more comfortable with the air conditioner on or off, or if your baby is more comfortable with the air conditioner on a little. Just observe the baby's physical state and reaction. It's not about who is right or wrong! I believe that two women who love their children can agree.

Take a deep approach to the issues.

The host must promote harmony between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law while coordinating and resolving issues.

Show your wife you love her.

She will listen to you and this will help your relationship with your wife. You will think of each other, respect your mother, understand her, be grateful for her sacrifices and forgive her.

You know your mother best. You can make her feel your care, respect, and consideration by resolving conflicts between her and your wife. This will make her feel the filial piety of your wife.

I believe in your love for your wife.

Love your mother.

They'll be willing to "love the house and the crow."

If you communicate with them in a way that makes them feel comfortable and shows them respect, understanding, and love, you'll be the most charming man in the world!

I wish you a happy family!

Good day. I am Xin Tan, your coach, Fei Yun. I will provide you with a supportive and empathetic ear as you recount your experiences.

I empathize with your sentiments. The predicament you are grappling with is, in essence, an age-old conundrum: if your mother and daughter-in-law were to fall into a body of water simultaneously, who would you prioritize in your rescue efforts? Such quandaries are not uncommon in married families.

There is no need to hasten the process. There are always multiple potential solutions to any given problem. Let us examine the matter further.

Prior to addressing the matter at hand, it is essential to first address one's emotional state.

The two parties involved, the mother and the wife, have different living habits and conflicting opinions. The wife has informed the husband of the situation, and he feels caught in the middle and is reluctant to exacerbate the relationship between the wife and her mother due to his perceived mishandling of the situation.

First and foremost, I commend you for your meticulous consideration. Both women hold significant positions in your life and must be treated with the utmost respect and care.

This illustrates the difficulty of an impartial official in judging family matters and demonstrates that family issues are not trivial. The conflict between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a significant one.

Let us first examine the daughter-in-law's emotional state. She has informed us via WeChat that, on the one hand, she desires our support and understanding. However, her mother-in-law has turned off the air conditioner, leaving her and her children in a state of discomfort. It appears that her mother-in-law is attempting to impose her own living habits upon her children, although this is not her intention.

In the case of the daughter-in-law, it can be readily interpreted as "interference" and "crossing boundaries." There is a form of coldness known as "Grandma says I'm cold," which is simply a statement of fact. When interacting with others, it is essential to respect the "sense of boundaries."

Alternatively, it is recommended that you intervene to resolve the issue, which is a more appropriate course of action than for her to communicate directly with her mother-in-law. Given that "mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are natural enemies," it is understandable that they may become hostile towards each other due to their different positions and perspectives, as well as their close relationship with you.

Let us now consider the emotional implications of this situation. Following this incident, you find yourself in a challenging position. On the one hand, you are motivated to safeguard your daughter-in-law's feelings and empathize with your wife and children, who are experiencing the discomfort of the summer heat.

From one perspective, it is imperative to demonstrate respect and consideration for one's mother's feelings.

The reason for the sense of helplessness is the perception of the situation as an insurmountable problem. However, if the situation is regarded as a potential resource or advantage, it can be transformed into a resource or advantage.

2. Adopt a multi-perspective approach to gain a nuanced understanding of the matter at hand.

Your mother-in-law has traveled from Yunnan to Hangzhou to provide care for the infant, affording you the opportunity to demonstrate care and support in return. This is a reciprocal exchange of love and care.

The daughter-in-law and mother-in-law are not directly related by blood; however, they have formed a close bond due to the influence of the daughter-in-law. This incident provides an opportunity for them to strengthen their relationship and gain a deeper understanding of each other.

For example, a comprehensive introduction to the fundamental aspects of Yunnan could be provided to the daughter-in-law. Similarly, an overview of the essential elements of Hangzhou could be offered to the mother.

Adults are aware of this situation and are cognizant of the "air conditioning" incident.

Adopting a perspective that encompasses multiple viewpoints allows for a greater range of potential courses of action to be considered.

It is essential to be mindful of the techniques and competencies utilized during communication.

1. It is recommended that communication be initiated unilaterally. When communicating with one's daughter-in-law, it is advised that one express understanding and compassion for her.

A woman's most fundamental needs in a marital relationship are a sense of security, attention, and compassion. A woman's primary concern is not the event itself, but rather the emotional impact it has on her.

Once she has gained your understanding, she will feel reassured and will be able to comprehend and accept her mother-in-law.

It is not uncommon for men who have experienced difficulties in their relationships to communicate with their daughters-in-law from the perspective of their own mothers. This often manifests as a denial of, criticism of, or blame directed at their daughters-in-law's feelings. Such actions can serve to exacerbate existing conflicts between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law.

When communicating with her mother, the mother will feel more sympathy for her child. It is recommended that emotion and reason be used to convey the following information: young people and the elderly have different living habits, pay more attention to small things, and explanations should be provided more frequently.

2. In familial contexts, the individual in question must assume the role of the "black face," that is, the individual who serves as the conduit for the expression of negative sentiments and behaviors.

The same words spoken by different individuals in disparate circumstances will elicit disparate responses. The domestic sphere is one in which emotional expression, rather than rational argumentation, predominates.

It is recommended that one attempts to comprehend and resolve issues from the vantage point of one's own nuclear family. Only through a genuine psychological detachment from one's parents can one evade the influence of one's parents and one's original family in one's own marriage.

To illustrate, consider the case of the eldest son in "All is Well."

In the book Why Family Hurts, the author discusses the phenomenon of Chinese-style marriage, which is characterized by three types of relationship misalignments: those between husbands and wives, between parents and children, and between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. It is my hope that this analysis will prove enlightening to the reader.

A misaligned relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law often occurs when two women are engaged in a power struggle for the affections of a man, each seeking to gain his support.

It is my sincere hope that the aforementioned information is beneficial to you and, indeed, to the wider world. With love,

Should you wish to pursue this discussion further, you are invited to click on the link entitled "Find a Coach," which you will find in the upper right-hand corner or at the bottom of the page. I will engage with you on a one-to-one basis, communicating and developing our relationship in a way that will facilitate your growth.

After reviewing your account, I can ascertain your sincerity in resolving conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. It is evident that you possess the qualities of a responsible individual. Your daughter-in-law and mother-in-law have a conflict over child-rearing, and you are understandably concerned.

In the midst of a challenging situation, you demonstrated composure and avoided immediately asserting a definitive answer. Instead, you sought to understand the matter better and identify a solution. Your approach was commendable.

Disputes between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law have been a persistent issue since ancient times. The ability to truly resolve this problem hinges on the man's ability to facilitate a constructive dialogue.

Both women hold the man in high regard, and this mutual respect is the foundation of their relationship. However, their individual approaches to love and affection differ.

It is important to recognise that everyone has different living habits and perceptions. As you mentioned, your mother lives in Yunnan and does not use air conditioning, while your wife is in Hangzhou and finds temperatures above 30 degrees Celsius unbearable, including the baby.

This is an opportunity to assess your partner's decision-making abilities. If you were in charge of handling this situation, how would you proceed?

Please indicate whether you would approve the use of air conditioning. If you would, please describe the rationale for doing so.

The mother and son are both fully capable of understanding each other's perspectives. The mother's presence allows for a more flexible approach to childcare, while also ensuring that her emotional needs are met.

Given the child's demonstrated tolerance, this presents an opportunity to initiate a conversation with the mother.

A key to managing conflicts between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is to maintain a neutral stance when interacting with each individual. When in the presence of the mother-in-law, adopt a supportive position, and when in the presence of the daughter-in-law, adopt a respectful stance. Additionally, it is beneficial to regularly discuss the mother-in-law's concerns and the daughter-in-law's contributions to the family.

In times of peace, they can thus feel each other's care and goodwill. In the event of a conflict, it is essential to empathize with their feelings and provide support.

It is important to note that understanding and supporting their emotions does not necessarily imply endorsement of their actions. This is a matter of judgment. What is the most appropriate course of action in this situation?

It is advisable to arrange a meeting to discuss the matter calmly and separately. This should help to avoid any misunderstandings or conflicts.

When discussing your daughter-in-law's contributions and efforts with your mother, it is important to convey your appreciation and respect for her role in raising you. It is also essential to recognize the significant investment of time and effort she has made in your upbringing.

When representing your mother in front of your daughter-in-law, it is also important to express your support for your daughter-in-law.

In this situation, the man acts as a mediator between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. It is important to note that navigating these dynamics can present challenges for the man, but it can also lead to a unique and fulfilling experience of being loved in different ways by two women.

I hope this information is useful to you. Please remember that the world and we love you.

Hello!

I am a heart coach, and I can help you learn to navigate these challenges.

From your description, I can clearly see the inner dilemma, confusion, worry, and helplessness you are facing.

I won't go into the details of the problems caused by your daughter-in-law and your mother disagreeing over childcare. However, I will give you three pieces of advice:

First and foremost, it is imperative that you understand that the husband-wife relationship takes precedence over all other family relationships.

You must understand that now that you are married, your relationship with your wife takes precedence over your relationship with your mother.

Your focus should be on your relationship with your daughter-in-law.

I am not saying you should "forget your mother-in-law after marrying your daughter." What I am saying is that you should understand this principle and do a good job of mediation.

Second, you must understand that the quality of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law depends crucially on you as the intermediary.

You must also do a good job of mediating between the two sides after you and your daughter-in-law have formed a united front.

You must understand one thing: this is not about indulging your daughter-in-law and protecting her even when you know she is in the wrong. This is not right. It is about being able to say, "I am with you, but you are wrong, and I still have to say so."

Let me answer your question directly: Is your wife's request excessive?

I'm sure you agree that this is reasonable (it is crucial that you first distinguish right from wrong). It is over 30 degrees, so it is indeed hot for her, who has always lived in the south. As you have also said, the child is also suffering from the heat, which shows that your wife's request is not excessive.

Furthermore, your wife's decision to speak with you first and not directly with your mother indicates her hope that you can handle the situation and her concern about the potential for a falling out with your mother-in-law. From this perspective, your wife is also considering your needs, which is why you must communicate directly with your mother about this matter.

Third, you need to understand that if you are honest and don't think your wife is complaining, then your mother won't think she is either.

You and your mother need to talk about this directly. You may be worried that your mother thinks you are complaining, so you need to adjust your attitude and tone of voice. Here are two suggestions for communication:

First, understand her perspective. This will help her hear you.

Your mother lives in Yunnan and is not used to air conditioning, so she is a little unaccustomed to Hangzhou. She may also be the type of person who doesn't think too much about what she does, and doesn't realize that her daughter-in-law and children can't stand it. This kind of empathy is conducive to communication between you.

Second, you should start with "I" and talk more about feelings. Don't start with "you," because it will make her feel rejected and accused, which is not conducive to communication between you.

Tell your mother, "Mom, I want to talk to you. I know you've always lived in Yunnan and aren't used to air conditioning, but now you're in Hangzhou, and it's over 30 degrees. I have to use the air conditioner during the day. The children are also suffering from the heat. My wife is worried about telling you herself, so she's asked me to talk to you. Can you get used to the idea? Let them use the air conditioner during the day. If you feel cool, just add an extra layer of clothing."

"And so on.

After you communicate with your mother in such an open and honest manner, she will agree to turn on the air conditioner during the day. She will not feel that you are complaining because you have already expressed your concerns.

Your mother should also explain that she didn't think about it that much at the time. She should tell you to tell your wife that in the future, if there is anything, she can just talk to her directly. She won't mind. This will improve their relationship as mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

Furthermore, you should chat with your daughter-in-law more often. She needs to understand your mother better and not worry so much. It's tough for an elderly person to help with childcare. She has to adapt to a new life, and it's hard for her every day. Respect her and understand her.

You must talk to your mother more often, tell her not to get too tired, and then try not to get involved too much. Ask your wife for advice more often. This will reduce or even eliminate conflicts. She will feel more relaxed. This is not a sign of inferiority or lack of status. It is a sign of respect for your wife. She is the hostess, and this is your home.

This is my advice to you.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to you. If you would like to communicate further, simply click on "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" at the bottom of the page and I will communicate with you one-on-one.

Hello, question asker!

After reading your question, I can see that you're a great husband and son, and I understand the dilemma you're facing of being caught between the two. Best of luck!

Your mother has come from her hometown of Yunnan to Hangzhou to take care of the children for you. It's not easy for the elderly to age. You also said that the elderly are not used to air conditioning in Yunnan. It seems like what your mother is doing is not just to save electricity, but also because her body and habits are not used to air conditioning.

Your wife is young and strong, and for the same temperature, she definitely feels particularly hot, so she is willing to turn on the air conditioner. And just thinking that the child may also be hot, we know that we all use our own feelings to drive the feelings of others. In other words, your mother may think that the child is cold and turn off the air conditioner, but your wife will turn on the air conditioner because she thinks the child is hot.

Is the child really hot? But the child is young and can't express her own opinions, so we guardians have to stand in for them. This has caused conflicts between guardians, especially between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. It's not convenient to communicate too directly, which has caused today's situation. I really feel for you and give you a hug again!

When problems come up, we have to face them head on. The fact that you came here for help at the first opportunity shows that you're very sensitive to yourself and your family and can spot problems. So I think it's also lucky for your little family. In other words, you're very capable of seeking scientific solutions to problems. Way to go!

I'm not sure how old your child is, but if they can express their own opinions, you can follow their advice. You could tell your mother and wife that the child wants to turn it on and off as they please. That might help to reduce the conflicts between your wife and your mother.

Another thing to consider is having an air-conditioned room and another room without air conditioning. If your mother's health isn't suitable for air conditioning, you could ask her to stay in the room without air conditioning for a while. What about the child? Having an air-conditioned room would solve the problem of the child being afraid of the heat and the mother being afraid of the cold.

My advice is to tackle specific issues and come up with targeted solutions. If your mother is just trying to save electricity, it'll probably be easier to talk to her. But you'll need to be the one to do the talking, which means making accurate judgments. You could ask your mother to consider the situation from the child's perspective. For example, you could say that if the child gets sick, it'll cost more money, and not only will the child suffer, but the adults will suffer as well. I think this approach could help your mother to gradually change her ways.

You can also talk to your wife about this. Basically, if the kids are stuck in an air-conditioned room all the time, it's not good for them. They're more likely to get sick from the air conditioning. It doesn't matter if it's 30 degrees outside—they'll be fine. You can learn about childcare and air conditioning and then share what you know with your mother and wife.

In short, think of these three people as your family, and you are the link between them. Don't worry if we have difficulties; we'll find a way through them. There are always more ways than difficulties. We're waiting for you online, and we'll find a way for you to solve your current problem from the answers of these experts.

I hope you can find a solution soon, enjoy your family time, and have a great day!

Hello question asker!

Coordinate with your wife.

When you're home in the evening, ask your wife to turn the AC up high. Then act like you're too hot and complain to her. Ask if she usually turns it on that high during the day.

If your wife says she doesn't want to use the air conditioner, you should be shocked and make sure she hears you.

The elderly and children are more likely to get sick in the heat. We're fine, but the news says that people are getting heatstroke. This isn't the old country.

Then the mood is set.

Ask your mother what's wrong. Talk to each other about how you're both adapting to Hangzhou.

Ask your mother how she's doing. Show her you care. Then, ask her what happened during the day.

If your mother isn't used to the air-conditioned room, help her buy long-sleeved pajamas. Tell the elderly that they're for wearing in air-conditioned rooms.

Also, teach your mother about heat stroke risks in high temperatures and the need for a cool environment for children.

Your mother needs your care. If she is not used to it, buy her clothes to help her adapt. If the elderly people think children should not be exposed to air conditioning, help them understand the health benefits and accept the new idea.

If needed, say there's scientific research that backs it up.

Show your wife you care about her, your family, and your relationship.

Before doing all this, you must appease your wife. Husband-wife relationships take priority over parent-child relationships.

It's also a good idea to turn it off for a few hours during the day.

The end.

Best of luck! Keep up the good work!

It would be advisable to offer the new father a warm embrace.

It is evident that you are experiencing a sense of anxiety and uncertainty regarding the situation. It is clear that you hold a deep affection for both individuals and sincerely hope for a harmonious relationship between them.

The conflict between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law has been a significant challenge since ancient times. These disputes often arise from seemingly trivial matters, which can be profoundly distressing. The underlying causes often stem from differences in living habits and values.

While one may comprehend the rationale behind a decision, the practical application of that decision may prove challenging.

The maternal figure

In essence, the responsibility of raising children falls upon the parents, and the elderly are under no obligation to provide assistance. The fact that she made the journey is a testament to her dedication, and gratitude is owed to her for that.

The wife

It is this writer's opinion that your wife should still be a very well-bred person. She did not speak to her mother-in-law directly, but sent you a WeChat message in the hope that you would persuade her. This shows that she is also a very sensible person.

You yourself

You did not immediately convey your wife's message but instead sought assistance from others. You are a reliable and cautious individual who strives to consider all possibilities and maintain a comprehensive outlook.

Ultimately, this is your family, and the decisions should be made primarily by the two of you. While your parents' opinions can be taken into consideration, they cannot make decisions for you. If you and your wife agree, it is then your responsibility to convince your mother.

This does not entail a direct confrontation with your mother; rather, it entails an indirect, implicit communication through one's actions. To illustrate, with regard to the issue of operating the air conditioning, the initial action upon returning home is to engage the air conditioning, accompanied by a smile and an acknowledgment of the prevailing high temperature.

Subsequently, when your mother arrives to deactivate the air conditioning, you may inform her that the majority of colleagues at work have the air conditioning on, and that it is a common practice for them, therefore, you would prefer not to turn it off. This approach allows you to express your opinion in a less formal manner while still maintaining clarity. It is likely that your mother will be able to discern your attitude.

Subsequently, upon waking in the morning, one may proactively adjust the air conditioning to a lower setting, thereby allowing the room to ventilate. This action would serve to indicate to one's mother that the advice she has provided has been duly considered.

The care of children is a demanding task, and disputes can give rise to significant disagreements. It is therefore recommended that the most opportune moment for a discussion with one's mother and wife be identified.

The objective of the discussion with the mother is to express gratitude and to convey the hope that she will refrain from undue interference in the family's decision-making processes. The objective of the discussion with the wife is to demonstrate respect for the mother and to prioritize open communication between the two women.

Furthermore, the utilization of certain tools can facilitate the dissemination of pertinent parenting knowledge, including guidance on the optimal usage of air conditioning during summer months and the care of infants. Additionally, there is a platform that functions akin to a cloud album, wherein individuals can upload images and videos of their children, fostering a sense of connection and shared experience.

There is still an opportunity for resolution.

Hello! From your description, I can see that you're facing a tough situation and could use some support. Before we dive into this, if you're open to it, I'd love to give you a big hug to show you some warmth and support!

I'm really sorry to say that this is a very tricky situation to navigate. On the one hand, you've got the mother-in-law, and on the other, you've got the wife. It's so hard to know what to do when you're caught between two people who you love and care about so much.

I really feel that the "open feud" between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is, after all, a question of "who has the absolute right to speak in this family." I'm not sure if you'll have a different understanding of this issue after seeing this point, but I'm really hoping you will!

If you agree with the above, then you need to be more flexible in dealing with all aspects of life. The key is not whether to turn on the air conditioning, but who has the final say.

The thing is, the problem you're facing today might be about whether to turn on the air conditioner. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? It could be about whether to dress the kids in warm or light clothes, or whether to eat hot or cold food.

I really don't know if it's given you any ideas for analyzing and solving problems, but what I do know is that what's important isn't to give a decision or a method, but to show an attitude.

I just wanted to share my thoughts with you, but please don't take them as the final word on the matter. Take care of yourself, and I hope you find some peace.

Hello, I can sense your discomfort-and-frustration-of-not-having-a-private-space-7252.html" target="_blank">frustration and discomfort when reading your question. However, avoiding the issue is not conducive to finding a solution, so it is important to address it.

Firstly, we must address the issue of boundaries.

It is important to recognise that everyone has different preferences. Just as some people can accept durian while others reject it, this is a matter of personal taste and there is no right or wrong.

Therefore, there is no right or wrong in the wife and mother of the original poster having this kind of disagreement about the need for air conditioning. It is essential to respect each other's differences.

Secondly, it is important to be honest.

Admitting one's preferences, even if it causes temporary distress, fosters mutual understanding and enhances flexibility in the relationship.

When at home, your wife is encouraged to speak frankly about her feelings, as is your mother. Please do not view this as an argument; it is simply an expression of each person's needs. How should this issue be resolved?

You may wish to consider asking them, as they are intelligent women, to work out a solution together.

It is important to ensure that your needs are also being met.

Thirdly, it is important to maintain a balance between your emotions.

It is only natural to feel the urge to retreat and avoid conflicts. However, it is important to be resilient and take responsibility, believe in yourself, and not let these conflicts overly affect your emotions and overall well-being. A stable mindset can influence the stability and rationality of the other person.

As a result of the conflicting needs regarding the air conditioner between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, you have now developed negative emotions. It is important to be aware of this in a timely manner and adjust to a balanced state so that you can have more energy to help them.

It is my hope that the original poster will be able to achieve a balance between her emotions, respect for the differences between herself and her colleagues, tolerance of conflicts, and avoidance of avoidance tactics. She should also strive to remain calm and become more courageous and mature.

I am pleased to see that a man has come forward to inquire about the best way to navigate the relationship between his mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. This demonstrates that he respects and values both his mother and his wife. In comparison to some men who choose to avoid the issue of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law dynamics, he is more courageous and responsible than the "mama's boy."

From a woman's perspective, the process and outcome are of secondary importance to her husband's attitude.

There is a principle for handling the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: "Obey the elderly on minor matters, and listen to the wife on major matters." Given the valuable assistance the older generation can provide in caring for children, it would be mutually beneficial to obey the wishes of the elderly on minor matters. This would ensure their continued involvement and enable them to contribute more effectively to the care of the children.

However, elderly individuals may still exhibit inconsistency when interacting with children and may unconditionally satisfy their unreasonable demands. Therefore, in terms of matters of principle and the general direction of education, it is preferable to allow the child's mother to assume control. After all, for children, parents serve as the primary educators.

The same applies to the issue of turning on the air conditioner: you can leave the child with the grandparents. If the child can sleep peacefully in a room without air conditioning and does not develop a rash or prickly heat, then leave the child with the grandparents so that you can get some rest. If the child cannot tolerate being in a room without air conditioning, then leave the child with you. You are best positioned to assess the impact of air conditioning on children.

It is also important to note that apart from the habit the elderly developed in their hometown, there are a few other considerations when they do not turn on the air conditioning. Firstly, the elderly's health may not be able to withstand the air blowing from the air conditioner. Secondly, the elderly may be motivated by a desire to save electricity costs. Thirdly, the elderly may be concerned that air conditioning is not good for the children. However, regardless of these factors, the elderly's intentions are ultimately benevolent. The wife also wants to turn on the air conditioner so that the children are not so hot, and her intentions are also good.

Instead of debating which opinion to heed, allow the child to make the decision.

I hope this information is useful to you.

Hello! I'm Gu Yi, and I'm as modest and self-effacing as ever.

Every family has its own unique challenges, and that's okay!

It's so hard when there's a conflict between your mother-in-law and your daughter-in-law. It's been going on for a long time, and it can feel like there's no way to make it better. It's like you're the link between them, and they're both relying on you to solve it. They both trust you more than anyone, but you can't always be there for them, which doesn't really help the situation.

So, let's take a deep breath and look at this situation with a cool head. What category does this problem fall into? Well, it's a classic example of differing habits. If we want to solve it, we just need to take our time and tackle it head on. The daughter-in-law likes to turn on the air conditioner and can stay in the bedroom with it on.

If she's not used to it, she can just leave the air conditioning off in her bedroom, no problem!

So, the issue of the mother thinking the daughter-in-law is spreading rumors is actually an opportunity for us to show our communication skills. When the daughter-in-law brings this up to you, how do you guide her? At the same time, how do you tactfully explain the problem to your mother? Is the main conflict in this problem still with our communication?

It's so important to choose a flexible way to communicate.

❀It can be tricky being caught between two women! It's a test of your ability and also a test of your patience. But don't worry, we're here to help! We can communicate with your daughter-in-law and tell her why your mother is not used to turning on the air conditioning. We can also tell her about some of your mother's experiences, etc., to increase their affinity for each other.

❀We can take the initiative to stand up and tell the mother that it was because we asked unintentionally while on the phone. Although the mother knows that you may be defending your daughter-in-law, her mentality will not be so stubborn. For this reason, we can talk to the mother about why we need to turn on the air conditioning.

It's so important to remember that the biggest challenge when two generations live together is that they have different ways of doing things. People from the past have had different social experiences, while people from the present have had different scientific methods. This can cause a bit of a clash when it comes to information, but it's totally normal! The good news is that we can simply bridge this gap through communication. This means that any conflicts between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law caused by poor communication can be resolved.

Warmest regards!

Greetings, question asker.

You did not hasten to engage in communication with your mother, and for this, I commend you.

It is often the case that seemingly inconsequential issues can have a significant impact on family harmony.

Given the time constraints, I will provide a concise overview of my perspectives.

1. Initially, it is imperative to provide reassurance to your wife.

In this familial structure, the couple represents the nucleus.

It is imperative that you support your wife.

This is not to imply that one should adhere to one's spouse's every demand, but rather that one should be attentive to their spouse's needs.

To illustrate, on a practical level, your wife desires to activate the air conditioning, whereas your mother-in-law prefers to deactivate it due to the prevailing heat.

Individuals have disparate perceptions of air conditioning, contingent on external temperature and their personal habits.

It is unclear whether you have two rooms.

In the event that she does, it would be advisable to allow your wife to control the air conditioning in the house that belongs to you.

With regard to the residence of your mother, it would be advisable to heed her counsel.

It may be beneficial to establish clear boundaries in this situation.

It is crucial for you to comprehend the challenges your wife is facing.

It is possible that she is already experiencing difficulties, and if she encounters her mother-in-law who does not agree with her, her irritability may increase.

It is therefore of the utmost importance to pacify your wife.

Inform her of this when you arrive home.

It is not an optimal use of time to communicate this information via telephone.

2. Be flexible.

It is imperative that you convey to your wife that she and you are the focal point of your world and that her emotional needs must be met before any other considerations.

It is not uncommon for individuals to have both practical and emotional needs.

Even when practical needs are met, the absence of emotional needs can lead to conflict.

It would be beneficial to consider the emotional needs of one's spouse.

For example, these needs may include being noticed, being valued, being understood, and being appreciated.

It is imperative that we identify methods to fulfill these needs, rather than disregarding them.

Accordingly, even if practical needs are not always fulfilled, such as the absence of air conditioning, she may be able to accept it.

It would be prudent to employ alternative methods.

It is also worth noting that elderly individuals often have an aversion to air conditioning.

It would be prudent to extend the same consideration to one's mother.

It is important to demonstrate understanding of the challenges faced by your mother.

It is advisable to concur with your mother regarding the deactivation of the air conditioning and to refrain from influencing the decision to activate or deactivate the air conditioning in your wife's room.

It is not constructive to blame your mother; rather, it is helpful to assist her in establishing a healthy boundary, while also recognizing and appreciating her efforts and dedication.

This is applicable to all situations.

It is recommended that these be shared.

Best regards,

Good morning, my name is Zhang Xiyuan and I am a listener of the Yixinli platform.

Indeed, 20 respondents have already provided you with a variety of excellent responses to this question. As someone who is also from Yunnan, I feel compelled to offer my input.

The climate of Yunnan is distinctive, particularly for those who have grown up in Kunming, which is known for its perpetual spring. I recall an occasion when a colleague from university visited me in Kunming. I went to the hotel where she was staying to see her.

She inquired if I was uncomfortable and suggested that I turn on the air conditioner. I informed her that such a device was unnecessary in our environment.

"We Yunnan people don't use air conditioners." Therefore, the discrepancy between your mother and daughter-in-law's attitudes towards air conditioning can be attributed to a divergence in values, as well as a contrast in lifestyle and habits.

This is not a matter of disagreement on child-rearing.

In terms of child-rearing decisions, parents are the primary nurturers of their children and therefore should be the ones to make the decisions. This should be a consensus among family members.

I recall that when I was a child, my cousin attended primary school at my grandmother's residence. With regard to her upbringing, my grandmother would often remark, "You raise your own troops." This essentially meant that my cousin, being the daughter of my aunt, was the responsibility of my aunt and uncle.

The elderly are only able to provide assistance to the extent of their capabilities.

Given that your mother lives with you in Hangzhou, there will undoubtedly be differences in lifestyle and habits, which will inevitably lead to conflicts. It is therefore essential that you and your wife learn to deal with and reconcile these conflicts in a way that demonstrates wisdom, communication, and collaboration.

It is of the utmost importance that you and your wife have a clear understanding of each other's needs and are able to communicate effectively when issues arise. It is also crucial to ensure that your mother feels loved and respected, as is customary in younger generations.

This approach allows for the open discussion of any conflicts and facilitates mutual understanding and tolerance.

This is the extent of my advice to you as a fellow villager. Best regards,

Dear question asker,

I'm grateful to have met you. From your account, I can see that you're experiencing a range of complex emotions, including confusion, conflict, worry, and helplessness.

So far, there have been no conflicts in your family, which is a positive sign. However, you are understandably cautious about whether to turn on the air conditioning, given your desire to find a balance between making your mother comfortable and satisfying your wife's wishes. It seems like this is a very thoughtful and considerate wish.

From what I can see, you are a very responsible man, a considerate husband, and a filial son. I therefore have every confidence that your family will become happier and more harmonious in the future.

Regarding the matter of air conditioning, it appears that both your wife and your mother have valid perspectives. There is no right or wrong, but rather a difference in living habits. This is not a significant issue and can be resolved through discussion. Your wife's message about this does not necessarily indicate a complaint. It's possible she hasn't considered the best way to communicate with your mother, and her intentions are good. After seeing the message, you didn't immediately call home and talk to your mother about it, but instead came to this platform for help. This also demonstrates your ability to remain calm, rational, considerate, and have a high emotional quotient.

If I might make a suggestion, I'm not sure if it's feasible, but it might be worth trying. First, you could talk to your loved one and tell her that you're trying to find a solution and ask her to bear with it for now. You might like to praise her for not having a direct conflict with your mother and calm her down. Then, when you get home from work, you could ask your loved one to leave the room. When you see that the air conditioner is not on, you could turn it on as a matter of course and say in front of your mother, "It's so hot in the house, why isn't the air conditioner on? This is not the weather in our hometown of Yunnan, there's no need to turn on the air conditioner." At this point, you could see what your mother says. If she still wants to turn off the air conditioner, you could communicate with her properly. I believe she will slowly accept your proposal and gradually adapt to the current environment here.

It is important to remember that this process will take time. It is also essential to ensure that your loved one is mentally prepared. It may be helpful to encourage her to try to understand the habits of older individuals. It is important to recognize that older people may have had to adapt their habits over many years to accommodate changes in their environment, which can be challenging. Living together requires tolerance, understanding, and, most importantly, care for one another.

It is also worth noting that there may well be further occasions where mediation will be required. As the mediator between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, your success in this role will depend on your ability to navigate these situations effectively.

It is likely that a smart man will have no problems with his mother-in-law.

I believe that with time and effort, you will be able to make your family stronger and more united.

I hope my answer will be of some assistance to you.

Best regards! I hope you know that the world and I love you!

Hello,

Host:

I am Zeng Chen, a heart coach. I have carefully read the post and I can clearly see the dilemma you are facing.

The poster has also bravely expressed their distress and actively sought help on the platform, which will undoubtedly help them look at this matter from a wider perspective.

I will now share my observations and thoughts on the post, which will undoubtedly help the poster see things from a more diverse perspective.

1. Listen.

The original poster stated that her daughter-in-law and mother-in-law disagree on how to raise the baby, and she is unsure of how to proceed. After reading the post, it is evident why you are uncertain of the best course of action.

I believe what you may lack is not an answer, but rather a way to take care of both sides. Let's discuss together what we can do in the present.

The poster mentioned in the post that her mother lives in Yunnan and is not used to turning on the air conditioner, so she turned it off after a while. I want to discuss that description of her mother. Did your mother tell you that?

Or is it what you think? There is a big difference between the two. We must recognize that our thoughts are not always an accurate reflection of reality.

We must learn to examine and listen to our mothers. Only by listening to our mothers can we get to know and understand them.

She doesn't only care about herself when she turns off the air conditioning. She's also thinking about the children.

It's a simple fact that after sitting in an air-conditioned room for a long time, we feel cold. So, it's entirely possible that Mum felt a little cold and that's why she turned it off.

From her perspective, if she is cold, it may also mean that the child is cold. What we are discussing here may not be the real truth, but I strongly believe that the original poster needs to listen to his mother.

Find out what your mother needs, and then you'll be able to come up with a solution. Similarly, you must also learn to listen to the thoughts of your daughter-in-law. Only in this way can you, the host, take into account the needs of both sides and find a compromise.

2. Be excellent at artistic processing when speaking.

A mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have a triangular relationship with a son playing a pivotal role.

The actions of the son will largely determine the closeness of the relationship between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. As a son, it will undoubtedly be challenging, but if you are careful, you can navigate this successfully.

We must use wisdom and artistic processing when speaking. First, acknowledge your mother's contribution.

She sacrificed her own enjoyment time to raise the child, so we must affirm her efforts. First, give her some affirmation, and then find an opportunity to talk about the air conditioner.

Ask your mother if she's used to the local way of living.

Since Hangzhou's weather is different from Yunnan's, you should find another opportunity to bring up the air conditioner. This way, you'll be able to hear what's on your mother's mind.

And for your wife, you must pay attention to the way you speak. Understand her, and also understand your mother. For example, some people will say, "It's also hard for my mother to come and take care of the children. She also loves the children very much, it's just that her ideas are a bit different."

You'll be best served by pleasing both sides. Then find the right way and method.

3. Look up some information.

The opinions of mothers and daughters-in-law often differ. In such cases, it is essential to seek information on current scientific parenting methods to gain a deeper understanding. When discussing parenting methods with my mother, I maintain a relaxed tone while sharing my insights.

It's all for the sake of the child. I am certain that most mothers will be willing as long as it's for the child's good. You just have to be careful about the approach.

Be a man with two sides.

I am confident that these words will be of help and inspiration to you.