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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Just my opinion.
The questioner's conflict with his mother is really about control. He wants to find a job in Beijing, but she wants him to take the civil service exam.
This is the author's fight for control over her mother, her family, and her own affairs.
The questioner is afraid her mother will be disappointed, so she doesn't express her true thoughts. Even if she does, her mother may not listen because she's used to the questioner obeying her.
You can't accept this right away.
This is the start of the questioner's fight for confidence-beyond-the-original-family-2704.html" target="_blank">independence.
It's hard.
The questioner is used to having their parents arrange everything. It is a big challenge to find a job on your own.
To fight back, you need confidence and resilience. You need ideas and a plan.
A strategy is needed. Taking things one step at a time is better than taking too big a leap because the risk is high.
The questioner didn't explain why she's resistant to working within the system. Has she understood and analyzed the situation? Has she talked to people who work within the system to understand it, or has she rejected this job based on negative news?
Every industry has good and bad news. Finance, law, real estate, and other industries have news about hidden rules. But overall, things are getting better. Most people are serious about their work and the pursuit of progress.
I suggest you learn about the civil service unit you can apply for and analyze if you're a good fit.
Think about your school, major, abilities, personality, and interests to figure out what's right for you.
If the questioner can communicate well with her mother, she'll see her own growth and progress. She'll realize she's very assertive and has a clear plan for her future. Her mother will be happy and supportive.
Learning to express your ideas and get people to accept them is part of growing up.
Good luck, OP!
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Comments
I understand where you're coming from. It's really tough being caught between your own aspirations and your mom's expectations. You feel pressured to follow a path that doesn't align with your desires, yet the fear of disappointing her is overwhelming. The civil service exam seems like a safe choice, but it's not what you want. You're afraid of failing both yourself and your mother if you don't take it, and now after the argument, things feel even more complicated.
Mom just wants what's best for me, I know that. But sometimes her way of showing it feels suffocating. I didn't mean to upset her by hanging up, but in that moment, I felt so trapped and frustrated. Now I'm worried about how this will affect our relationship moving forward. I need to find a way to communicate my feelings without hurting her or making her feel like I'm rejecting everything she's taught me.
It's hard because I do see her point; the civil service offers stability, which is something I haven't figured out how to achieve on my own yet. Maybe I should try to explain to her that while I respect her opinion, I also have dreams and goals that are important to me. I want to find a compromise where we can both be okay with whatever decision I make about my career. But I don't know how to approach this conversation without causing more tension.
I feel like I've let everyone down, especially myself. My mom thinks I'm being ungrateful, and I'm scared that I might end up regretting not taking the exam. At the same time, I don't want to spend my life in a job that doesn't fulfill me just to meet someone else's expectations. I wish there was an easy solution, but all I can do now is try to mend things with my mom and figure out what's right for me.