The unfamiliar side of my sister is hard for me to accept. What should I do?

Dear Question Asker,

A review of the questioner's description evokes recollections of a comparable experience I had previously.

In my previous employment, colleagues were expected to assist one another when their own workloads were full. This approach proved effective in resolving the majority of issues. Colleagues were more amenable to this method than I had anticipated.

Perhaps it is due to the fact that I am preoccupied with my own tasks, but after assisting a colleague, I return to my own responsibilities. After providing her assistance, she consistently offers some form of acknowledgment, which I initially assumed was intended to express gratitude for my help.

Until that point, I had not fully comprehended the implications of the aforementioned statement. However, after a period of reflection and subsequent interaction with the individual in question, I was able to discern that the statement in question was, in fact, a clear and unambiguous directive to "get lost."

I promptly conveyed my displeasure. After all, I had done you a favor. It is acceptable if you do not express gratitude; however, you did in fact tell me to "get lost."

In essence, we treat each other with courtesy in our personal interactions, which represents the fundamental tenet of human interaction.

The fact that we are easy-going does not preclude our right to be treated with respect. If we feel dissatisfied, we have the option of raising the issue. We raise the issue because we care about the relationship, and we will only stay away from people who persist in treating us unfairly.

It is challenging to accept unfair treatment. It is evident that we are equals, so why should you act superior? You may act superior, but I will simply ignore you.

From the description provided by the questioner, it can be inferred that the questioner's sister is not of an advanced age. On occasion, she may be influenced by television dramas and perceive it as amusing, leading her to imitate it.

A sister who cares for her sibling can directly convey her feelings and inform her sister that such behavior is unacceptable.

It is plausible that your younger sister is still in the developmental stage of early adolescence, during which communication with her may be more straightforward. As an older individual, you have the opportunity to engage in discourse with your younger sister.

Hello! From your description, it's clear you have a lot on your mind. You, as an older sister, took the initiative to buy her milk tea and let her choose her favorite flavor. You love her so much!

Oh my goodness, she should be so grateful! Instead, she's talking down to you like you're a servant, telling you to wash the towels!

Oh my goodness, your sister really has gone too far!

I bet your sister is in charge of something in the student council at school! If so, then her attitude is totally understandable. When the student council arranges work, they'll say, "Zhang, you do this; Li, you do that." They're used to it, and at home, they just naturally adopt the same attitude towards you.

I can totally relate to this! For example, I'm a teacher, and at home with my husband and kids, I'm also used to getting things done. They have to do it right away, otherwise I won't be happy! My kid said with a grin, "Whenever you open your mouth, we have to run around like crazy."

It's either manipulation or just habit!

Let's go back to your emotions. I can feel that you have a very good relationship with your sister, but her casual remark has caused you to react so strongly. When I think about the relationship between you two, I feel that you have been a bit depressed lately, which is why you are so sensitive!

If you feel bad inside, projecting it will give ordinary things a special meaning! It's amazing how our moods can affect our perception of the world around us. Sometimes when a person is in a bad mood, walking down the street, they see someone in front of them whispering, and they feel like they're talking about them. If they're in a good mood, they might even laugh if someone spills water on them.

You argued with your sister, and she denied her attitude and did not order you around. That's right! If you still can't let it go, then you can calm down and think about what's been bothering you lately.

Think about it! You might find that the real source of your unhappiness is not actually your sister!

I really hope this helps! And please forgive me if I'm wrong.

Hello. I can see you love your sister a lot. When she says mean things, it hurts you. You feel sad because she doesn't love you back.

I give you a hug.

Your sister is a lovely child to you. She will grow up and have her own thoughts and worries. Perhaps she was upset at school and took it out on you. Perhaps she is too close to you and said those things without thinking. (When love becomes a habit, the person being loved may feel superior and entitled.)

Your doubts and emotions made your sister feel bad. People avoid harm and seek benefits, so they avoid arguments. Your sister was also driven by her emotions and hurt you again.

We humans are strange because our reason develops later than our emotions. This means our emotions are always one step ahead, which makes us impulsive and out of control.

As an older sibling, it's normal to be angry when your younger sister doesn't respect you. This shows you're not spoiling her. Good family relationships are based on mutual respect. If your younger sister doesn't respect you, guidance will help her grow up.

Maybe your sister has realized her mistake, but she just doesn't want to lose face. I hope you can calm down, find the right time, sit down, and talk with her.

Hope this helps!

I would like to offer a few thoughts on the matter of harmony and clarity.

First of all, it's important to recognize that what people find difficult to accept is often the very thing they're trying to avoid. In this case, it's your sister's unfamiliar side, her tone of voice, and the feelings her words evoke in you. It's also essential to understand that feelings can vary significantly from one person to another. For instance, individuals who are particularly sensitive tend to be adept at discerning subtle nuances, while those who are negative may be skilled at identifying negative aspects, and individuals who are irritable often excel at picking up on other people's attitudes.

It is important to remember that what your sister said and her tone of voice are objective facts, while feelings are subjective and differ from person to person. Most people would likely agree that there is nothing wrong with what your sister said, and that it is a fairly common occurrence.

You might also consider posting a survey on this sentence. With regard to the tone of voice, it would be helpful to ascertain your views in private.

Perhaps the key is whether you consider yourself important. If so, her tone of voice may not have much impact on you and may not evoke strong feelings.

If you feel that you are unimportant and find it challenging to accept this aspect of yourself, her tone of voice may have a significant impact on you emotionally. Conversely, if you value yourself, you may be less affected by the opinions of others. However, if you belittle yourself and still desire external validation, the opinions of others may have a stronger influence on you.

If you believe in your own importance, you will be able to focus on the things that matter most to you, such as developing your abilities and strengths. By paying attention to these important things, you will naturally become less affected by other people's tone of voice and less prone to anger.

Hello, question asker! I am Jia Ao Bu Xun.

After reading your description of the problem, it's clear that your sister treated you disrespectfully. She spoke to you in a tone that made you feel like a servant and ordered you around. "Go wash the towels." I can feel your feelings of grievance and anger. Although you said you didn't have a fight, it made you feel particularly uncomfortable. Hugs!

Chat with you.

1. She is, after all, your younger sister. Treat her as such and don't take her comments personally. She said it in the form of a question, so treat it as a joke. Tell her directly what you think: "I don't like it when you speak to me in such a commanding tone." "I feel disrespected." "It makes me feel uncomfortable..." Let her see your emotions and needs, and don't let her think it's funny.

2. Remember that she will always be your younger sister. You should not be overly critical or standoffish with family members, but you should point out her rude behavior directly. Such behavior is highly undesirable. You are older than she is, so you must guide her. There is no need to retaliate or be critical. You being able to see this side of her should also cause her to reflect. Is she suddenly like this or has she always been like this? Is she learning to be bad or is it the result of the family environment? In private, you can observe your younger sister's behavior more.

3. You can also simply refuse your sister's unreasonable demands made in an imperative tone of voice, and you don't have to pay much attention to them. Your sister still needs to learn about respecting her elders and treating people politely. She is being rude to you now, but what about in the future? Will she behave in the same way towards your parents? She needs to learn that she can't treat you this way.

4. I advise you to communicate more with your sister. Have a good chat with her. Talk about it. Find out if she has experienced anything recently. Find out what kind of friends she has made. You can communicate all of this with her clearly, in a tactful way, without being too serious. She will tell you everything.

5. You can also perceive this anger as a projection of your own inner feelings. Have you experienced being treated this way before? Have you always rejected and resisted it inside? If you encounter this situation again in the future, you can handle it. Our anger and grievances seem to come from the outside, but they are a manifestation of our own lack of peace of mind. The more we care about something, the more we can see it. When you experience this in the future, maintain an ordinary heart, let go of your obsessions, and just be yourself.

Your heart is strong enough to handle anything. You can deal with any situation, whether it's someone's offense or a collision, in the most appropriate way without letting yourself fall into negative emotions.

I hope my answer helps. The world and I love you.

Hi, I'm Fei Yun, a heart coach. I'll be your companion and listen to your story with sincerity.

I get it. You want to take care of your younger sister and get her some milk tea. You thought you'd have a chance to take her out and relax on the holiday. But the way she speaks to you makes you feel disrespected and offended (like she's bossing you around).

You're angry, and at the same time you feel aggrieved and heartbroken. Why is it that your good intentions have been met with such a disappointing response?

Let's start with a warm hug. The truth often comes from different points of view. Let's look at the issue.

1. Take a moment to understand your emotions and the underlying needs they represent.

There's an unmet need behind every emotion. For instance, everyone wants to be seen, understood, respected, and accepted.

You're annoyed that your younger sister isn't treating you with the respect you deserve. Try to feel this emotion and the unmet psychological need behind it.

Emotions are like a delivery man. They're delivering a valuable gift to you in the form of anger. If you don't accept it, they'll keep calling until you do.

Here are three common situations that can trigger anger:

1. When you're in danger.

2. When you experience something that hurts you physically.

3. Feeling pain or hurt (a psychological feeling of being hurt).

The suppressed emotions are anger, a sense of being hurt, and helplessness.

It's important to be able to distinguish between anger and deeper, underlying emotions. Our subconscious mind can hide these deeper emotions, but they can be triggered by similar situations.

But think back: why does your sister's tone of voice make you think she's being disrespectful towards you? Have you ever been treated unfairly before?

If we want to make a change, we have to be open to seeing things differently.

2. How limiting beliefs come about

We tend to evaluate people and situations based on our own values and standards. Having values means making judgments, and that's a form of belief.

It's like you're seeing your sister's behavior as disrespectful and speaking to her in a tone that's more bossy.

It's good to make judgments because they give us direction. But if we get too hung up on them, they can turn into "obsessions" that have a bad influence. Every obsession is based on a "limited belief" that comes from a limited perception.

"Fixation" makes life less fluid, and it messes with relationships. Take, for instance, the misunderstanding and unpleasantness between you and your sister.

There are three ways you can change your obsession:

1. When did I form this opinion? So much time has passed. Has he changed?

Have I changed? (Think about the bigger picture.)

2. This is my take on it, but what does the other person think? What do other people think?

(Position perception method) – Wisdom comes from looking at problems from different angles. When we do this, we can see more of the truth and thus have more options.

3. Human behavior and identity are separate. Don't label this "person."

Ultimately, the issue isn't the issue itself, but how we perceive it.

The ABC model of emotions is a great way to understand how we react to situations. A is the event that triggers our emotions, B is our interpretation of the event, and C is our reaction. So, in this case, A is what your sister said, B is your perception of her treatment of you, and C is your reaction to her words.

So, your anger isn't really about what your sister said. It's more about how you perceive what she said.

View: Beliefs are a person's personal views on things. They're the conflict between what the brain thinks should be and what is actually is.

On top of that, being overly sensitive is linked to a person's low sense of self-worth. I suggest you check out one of my articles, "It Turns Out That the Root Cause of Psychological Problems Is It," which you can find on my personal website.

I hope this is helpful to you. Best regards, [Name]

If you want to keep the conversation going, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'd be happy to keep chatting with you one-on-one.

Dear host, My name is Xing Ying, a listening therapist at Yixinli, and a national level-3 psychological counselor.

It is evident that you hold a great deal of affection for your younger sister. You even consider her when ordering milk tea and cherish the rare occasions when she is not at school. You anticipate spending time with her, and it brings you joy to be close to her.

Your beloved younger sister, who you have shown great affection towards.

When I ordered milk tea today, I also ordered one for my sister. I gave her the option of choosing the flavor she wanted. It's not often that my sister is home from school for a few days off, so I thought it would be nice to buy her a cup of milk tea.

My sister's behavior has been somewhat surprising, as it differs from yours.

"Go wash the towels," she told me in a tone that seemed to imply that I was a servant (a person of low status in a TV drama). I felt that there was no respect in that tone, and that there was no room for discussion.

I replied, but she still seemed reluctant to admit it, stating that she was simply asking a question, when it was clearly an order.

The way you feel about your sister's tone of voice makes you feel that

I can understand why you feel this way. It's natural to feel upset when we feel hurt by someone we love.

It's a challenging situation.

After reading the entire account, I was reminded of a psychologist named Heid, who proposed the [balance theory] in interpersonal relationships.

Heidegger believed that humans generally have a need for balance and harmony. Once people become aware of imbalances and disharmony, they may experience psychological tension and anxiety, which could prompt them to consider transforming their cognitive structures towards balance and harmony.

You mentioned that you had observed a different side of your sister. I believe that you and your sister used to get along well, and even if there were occasional disagreements, you would generally be able to understand each other's perspective after a period of reflection. For instance, you would recognize that a particular statement was made in jest, that another was an expression of concern, and that another was a complaint. You would both acknowledge this, and that would help to maintain a sense of balance.

It seems that you are upset because there seems to be a discrepancy between your views and those of your sister regarding her verbal behavior. It appears that the balance has been lost.

From your perspective, her response seems to indicate an attitude towards a subordinate and a tone that could be perceived as commanding.

Her sister's view of her actions is that she did not intend to treat her as a servant and that she did not use a commanding tone. She believes that her words were simply a question.

There seems to be a difference of opinion between you and your sister regarding your sister's interpretation of the situation.

It seems that your view is that she doesn't admit it, and her explanation is "denial."

It is possible that your sister believes her explanation is the truth.

It seems that there is a difference in perception at the root of the conflict. It is possible that your sister is treating you like a servant, is not admitting it, and is showing no respect at all, which would make you feel sad.

If I might suggest, perhaps the solution to restore balance would be to address the root cause of the pain.

It might be helpful to try to restore consistency of opinion, as this could help to improve your feelings.

How might one achieve a balanced consistency?

1. Consider a shift in your perception of your sister and how it might influence your behavior. It's possible that your sister's behavior is a reflection of her personality. She may be expressing her true thoughts and feelings in a way that comes across as disrespectful. It's also possible that she treats you like a servant without realizing it. It's important to acknowledge that she may not like you, and this could be influencing her behavior. I understand that you've been getting along with your sister for a long time, and I respect your perspective. However, it might be helpful to consider a shift in your perception and how it might influence your interactions with her.

2. Consider a shift in your perception of your sister's behavior and strive for consistency in your interactions with her.

It's possible that your sister is correct in her assessment, and that she didn't intend to come across in that manner. However, her tone of voice could be improved, and she may not be fully aware of this. Is she facing any challenges?

It's also possible that she's simply growing up and has a new social circle at school, which has influenced her communication style.

You might consider suggesting to your sister that she try speaking in a different tone of voice when she speaks to you, and that you both try to be consistent.

You might consider expressing yourself in a more consistent manner. For example, you could say something like, "Dear, when you talk to me like this, I feel that I am not being respected and it makes me feel sad. If you speak to me in a softer tone of voice or even pout a little, I will be happy to help you." This approach could help you communicate with your sister more honestly and let her know what would make you happy.

This may require creating an environment where you can have a dialogue and gently encourage her to realize that her words can make her beloved sister so sad and that she might benefit from making some changes.

It's important to remember that the feelings between sisters accumulate over time. Unless something very special happens, your sister's love and attachment to you is unlikely to disappear overnight. Given the strong emotional foundation that you've described, it's understandable that you're feeling so upset. I believe that your sister is also unhappy at this time. This just goes to show that you have a "sisterly relationship" rather than a "master-servant relationship."

Finally, I would like to offer you a hug and suggest that, despite the deep sisterly love, as an older sister, you also have the right to be angry. It might be helpful to tell your younger sister directly when you are unhappy, and she will understand after her emotions have subsided. It is understandable that you do not like your younger sister's behavior, but she is still the younger sister you love.

I hope you sisters can resolve your differences soon. I love you both very much.

My dear, before answering your question, I want to give you a compliment first!

I'm so impressed that you were able to hold back your grievances and not argue with your sister, even when faced with her rude behavior. This shows that you are a person of great breadth and quality, and you have a dignified manner.

At the same time, you feel aggrieved and angry about this matter. But instead of bottling it up, you have chosen to speak up and seek help! This shows that you are a very organized person who knows how to find ways to let go.

So, let's dive right in and discuss the incident you encountered!

First of all, I'm not sure how old your sister is. If she's still a young child, perhaps in kindergarten or primary school, then her tone of voice may be imitating someone in the family or on TV. This is something that can be easily fixed! Perhaps she's not even aware that there's a problem, and this needs to be corrected by parents or relatives in a timely manner.

If your younger sister is already in middle school, it's a great time to start talking to her about why her behavior is important. She's at that age where her values are either taking shape or have already taken shape, so it's a perfect time to start guiding her towards making good choices. Impolite behavior is something that parents or relatives can immediately understand and correct, and there are many reasons for this behavior, including but not limited to the family education environment (such as parental over-indulgence), the school environment (such as interactions with classmates), personal interests (such as the quality of friends), and so on.

Of course, you also mentioned that this is an unfamiliar side of your sister, which means that her usual behavior is different from her behavior at this time, and her behavior at this time is unfamiliar to you. Then I can also venture a guess that she may have just made a slip of the tongue and not really yelled at you, or it really was an unintentional move on her part, but it made you feel hurt. But here's the good news! You can turn this around.

However, no matter what, you absolutely have to tell your sister how you feel! It's important for her to understand that her behavior hurts others and will teach her a lesson.

I really hope my answer can help you!

I love you!