Then love the mother, but the mother has also brought me extreme pain, grief and harm?

Good day, question asker.

My name is Kelly. After reading your words, I would like to extend a gesture of solidarity and support. It is evident that we have shared experiences.

[Mystery participation]

As Jung observed, human beings have a psychological tendency to imitate, which can be useful for collective purposes but can also impede individual growth.

As the questioner stated, she has negative feelings towards her mother, yet has unknowingly adopted similar behaviours. I am pleased that the questioner has become aware of this and believe that continued awareness will facilitate change. Our own actions have also become similar to those of our mother. Therefore, can we "break away from it"?

I have read a passage written by Ms. Xu Haoyi.

The reason why the power of the collective mind has such a significant impact on us is due to the necessity for a "deep attachment" between "me and others." The origin of this deep attachment begins during the fetal stage. A sensitive mother and fetus adjust to each other and tend to be in sync, allowing the fetus to absorb the mental consciousness that the mother cares about.

[We and our mothers]

The questioner already has a nuclear family. Should they prefer a different arrangement, they have the option of leaving their mother's side and living with their husband. It is an opportune time to consider a new living arrangement.

Has the questioner recognized that they exhibit similar behaviors to their mother, such as enjoying her company but also needing her assistance and occasionally disliking her? Is it plausible that our emotions have remained fixed within the context of our original family?

If residing with one's mother for a period following childbirth is unavoidable, the questioner would be well advised to consider her own perspective. Rather than expressing discontent, it would be more constructive to express gratitude for her assistance in caring for the infant.

Furthermore, after marriage, I avoid becoming overly close to my mother, as I am concerned about being influenced by her. I maintain a distance to prevent continuous influence.

It would be beneficial for the questioner to consider how her husband would feel if he were to be in such an environment for an extended period of time.

If the original poster (OP) is not satisfied with the current situation and still wants her mother to continue exerting influence over her, her husband, and their children, she needs to consider the implications of her actions.

Who gave the mother permission to continue?

Please clarify whether you have given your approval for your mother to continue exerting influence over you.

The questioner is encouraged to reflect on this matter.

?‍♀️[Regarding emotions and the transmission of anxiety]

Bowen stated that the family is an emotional unit, with emotions circulating through relationships. Any factor that affects an individual also affects other members of the system.

Anxiety is the most contagious emotion within the nuclear family emotional system.

As anxiety levels increase, the strength of the bond and degree of integration also rise. Conversely, when a relationship is highly integrated, anxiety levels tend to be higher, and the flow of communication is more rapid.

This will enable the questioner to comprehend the reasons behind our tendency to emulate our biological mothers.

Once the root causes of a problem are understood, the consequences can be addressed. Continuous learning allows for gradual growth and development.

It would be beneficial to gain an understanding of your mother's family of origin and social environment, as well as her upbringing.

I wish you the best in your endeavors.

I extend my warmest regards to you and the world.

Good day, question asker.

It is likely that she will first embrace you and offer solace, as your emotional state is a complex one, comprising elements of hatred and affection towards your mother, and a general sense of distress.

It is evident that you possess a high degree of awareness and introspection, and you have a clear understanding of the situation.

Her current emotional distress may be attributed to a lack of self-acceptance and non-acceptance of her mother.

It is unclear when she is aware of your own character traits and communication style.

One might inquire as to the source of her resentment and anger towards her mother.

One might inquire as to the familial background of the subject's mother.

It is also possible that she suffered a similarly harsh upbringing and experienced domestic violence.

If she is a person who is consistently irritable, prone to complaining and blaming others, and exudes negative energy, it can be speculated that her upbringing may have been challenging.

It is likely that she was born into an unfortunate family and suffered from a harsh living environment, which has resulted in her current demeanor and outlook on life.

Furthermore, your aggressive personality may also be a contributing factor.

This is due to the fact that the harsh environment in which she survived during her early years has resulted in the development of a comprehensive set of defensive mechanisms, which are also referred to as survival strategies.

It is comprised of thoughts, beliefs, behaviors, and emotional reactions.

However, when this mechanism is internalized in her personality,

This has resulted in the formation of her current behavioral patterns. In her perception of the world, her personality exhibits a dichotomy, comprising two extremes: "good" and "bad."

It is imperative to meet her wishes and expectations, as this will foster a positive relationship. Otherwise, she may perceive you as an adversary, which could result in conflict.

The question thus arises as to how one might cultivate a harmonious relationship with one's mother.

It is essential to maintain a stable emotional state, as anxiety will otherwise activate her anxiety. As previously stated,

If there is a high degree of similarity in character, it will be challenging to maintain normal and stable communication and exchanges. It is only possible to let go of anger and

It would be advisable to attempt to release your anxiety in order to achieve a relatively stable emotional state with her at this moment in time.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to consider whether, when either you or your mother become angry, you are acting in a manner that is infantile.

When an infant's omnipotent narcissism is damaged, the self is fractured. This may manifest in tantrums or hysterical states.

Is it a struggle and anger about unmet love, a sense of despair, and

A complete breakdown?

In the event that conventional communication with the maternal figure is not feasible in the immediate future, it is advised that communication occur via text.

This will prevent the emotional nuances from being perceived and will mitigate some of the intense aggression.

Given the limited scope of the data, the aforementioned analysis and recommendations are intended as a reference point only.

Naturally, if one desires to wholly enhance one's relationship with one's mother, it would be prudent to consider

One might inquire as to whether personal growth through professional counseling is a viable option.

I am counselor Yao, and I will continue to provide you with support and care.

Hello, question asker! I'm Evan.

From what the questioner has shared, it's clear that she feels her mother often hurts her and that she struggles to gain her respect. When children don't receive complete love from their parents, they often end up repeating the same patterns they saw in their own families throughout their lives. This can make it difficult for them to form healthy relationships with others.

The mother's behavior towards the questioner is like constantly releasing her emotions to the questioner, always blaming others for mistakes. These patterns of behavior are a way for the mother to avoid facing her emotions, but they often cause depression and harm to the questioner.

I'm here to give you a big hug and some strength, because I know you're going to be able to face your mother with courage. I'm also going to give you a few simple tips based on what you've told me.

I'm here to help!

It's so important to understand your mother's motives towards the subject.

I'm sure we can all agree that it would be really helpful to understand why the mother treats the questioner this way. Perhaps it would also be good to know if she was treated this way when she was a child. And it would be really interesting to find out if the mother was taught this way by the elders in her family when she was a child.

The way she was taught to communicate with children was passed down to her from her own family. It's a pattern that's deeply ingrained in her heart, and it'll probably show up in the way she raises her own kids.

It's so important to understand your mother's motives! When you understand why she did what she did, you can release your emotions, treat her more calmly, and make yourself more at ease.

It's so common for people to blame others and shift the blame to others because they were suppressed and humiliated in their original family. This is why they develop this pattern. When they defend their former family, they're really just demonstrating their own value. In fact, deep down, the mother also longs for the highlights of her former family. This might even be her inner regret.

It's probably best not to fight with your mother.

If your mom is acting out of line, try not to confront her. If her behavior makes you uncomfortable, you can express your feelings to her in a calm, respectful way without affecting communication.

It's okay to disagree with your mother, but try not to argue. When you feel your emotions getting heated and hurtful, try to remember that it's not about you or your rights. It's about her feelings too. When you feel yourself getting upset, take a deep breath and walk away. You can always come back when you're feeling calm.

It's so important to take responsibility for your own actions.

It's so important to remember that the questioner's mother is trying to control some of the questioner's behavior, but it's up to the questioner to decide how to respond. Do you let your mother control your every word and action?

Or, you could face it bravely! Of course, to deal with your mother's negative behavior, you need to learn to control your emotions and maintain a respectful attitude at all times. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't be filial to your mother, but that you can face some of her negative behaviors more calmly.

It's a great idea to practice speaking to a mirror, maintaining a respectful attitude, and behaving appropriately in response to your mother's aggressive language. It's also a good plan to practice responding to various scenarios based on the different responses your mother may make.

This will help you deal with your mother more easily in real life.

It's okay to accept reality.

It's important to remember that the questioner can't change his mother, and this is something we all have to accept. While neither of them can control the other's feelings and thoughts, they can choose to change how they act towards each other. This can also affect how the questioner is treated by his mother.

It's not realistic to expect mothers to change their personalities. They have the power to decide whether and when they want to change. It can be tough for us to change other people's minds, especially when they don't think they're wrong and don't want to change. But remember, only they can change.

Take care of yourself, sweetheart.

I wonder if the reason the questioner is hurt so much by the mother's aggressive language is because they feel they're not strong enough?

If the questioner is strong and independent enough to handle things without her mother's help, then her mother's influence won't be as strong. Sometimes kids feel torn between wanting to be independent and needing their parents' support. When this happens with you, it can change how you relate to your parents.

So, when the questioner is having a tough time, he can always turn to his friends or other family members for a helping hand.

It's so tough when we're faced with a mother who's acting paranoid. It's really important to try to spend as little time as possible with her. It's also a good idea to rely on her time, set boundaries for yourself and your mother, and if you need to, seek help from your friends. If your mother hurts you with her words, it's so important to tell her how you feel at the time. You can say something like, "Getting tendinitis only shows that there is something wrong with my body. As a mother, I will always pay attention to and love my children." Or, "The definition of inhumanity makes me feel bad. What do you mean by humanity?"

"Or what is human kindness to you?"

If you can afford it, you should definitely look into getting some help from a professional counselor. I really believe that he can help the questioner to adjust. You can check his reputation among visitors, ask your friends around for their opinions on him, and find out what school of thought he belongs to.

There are so many domestic consultants out there, but it often still depends on word of mouth when finding the right one.

I really hope my answer helps the original poster!

Good day.

Host:

My name is Zeng Chen, and I'm a heart coach. I've taken the time to read your post carefully, and I can sense the complex emotions you have for your mother. It seems to me that you have a mixture of love and hatred.

At the same time, I also noticed that the poster has courageously confronted their own feelings and proactively sought assistance on the platform, which will undoubtedly assist the poster in gaining a deeper understanding and recognition of themselves and their mother. This could potentially lead to a more harmonious relationship between the two.

I would like to share some observations and thoughts on the post that I hope will help the poster to view the situation from a more diverse perspective.

1. Love and "hate" for your mother

From what I can gather from the post, it seems that you love your mother very much, but that some of her actions have caused you a great deal of pain. It also seems that you have inherited some of her less desirable personality traits. After reading this information, I can understand the complex feelings that the poster has towards her mother.

It would seem that this is a fairly accurate representation of the relationship between many people and their mothers.

It is possible to love your mother very much and still have moments where you feel a sense of dislike towards her. From a certain perspective, it could be said that without love, there is no hate.

This is why those we are closest to can sometimes hurt us the most. Let's also consider our love and hate for our mothers.

It is, in fact, a natural tendency for children to love and be loyal to their mothers.

Landlord, I wonder if you've had a similar experience. It seems that your mother may not be particularly adept at practical matters, but she is comfortable discussing them herself, but not when others do.

This is a sign of love for your mother. At the same time, as you mentioned, some of your mother's personality traits have caused you a lot of pain. It's natural to feel "anger" and "hatred" towards our mothers in these circumstances.

It's just that we obviously don't like these personality traits, but could there be a reason why we happen to be like our mothers in these ways? From a psychological point of view, on the one hand, it could be seen as "loyalty" to our mothers, and on the other hand, it may be because we imitated our mothers when we were young.

When we were young, we needed to imitate in order to better adapt to society. It is therefore possible that this trait was acquired.

2. Attempt to gain a deeper understanding of your mother.

From what I can gather from the post, it seems that your mother often feels that she is unfortunate and that misfortune is caused by others. Despite the kindness of others towards her, she often appears unsatisfied and struggles to know herself. She also seems to overprotect her family, among other things.

After reading this information, you may come to understand that your mother's thoughts and behaviors have caused you a great deal of harm. I would like to discuss with you why your mother is like this.

Perhaps we could consider the environment in which she grew up as a factor in her development.

This may help us gain a deeper understanding of our mothers and their upbringing, which often plays a significant role in shaping their personalities.

It might be helpful to consider what she experienced growing up, which could have led her to seek the approval of her family.

It might be helpful to consider the following speculations, which are not necessarily correct, but could be used as a reference. It is not uncommon for people who did not receive the approval of their parents when they were young to spend their whole lives seeking their parents' approval.

For instance, some women who were raised in patriarchal families did not receive recognition as children and have been striving to gain recognition ever since.

It might also be helpful to consider whether your mother grew up in an environment where her needs and love were not met when she was young. This could be a factor in her tendency to invite others to meet her needs and love. You might like to talk to your mother about this at some point. Collecting more information could help us to understand our mothers better.

3. It might be helpful to try to separate the issues.

Perhaps the subject of separation could be defined as the realisation that we need to take responsibility for our own lives, emotions, and needs. It might also be said that mothers also need to take responsibility for their own lives and emotional needs.

As we mentioned above, looking at our mother's upbringing can help us gain a deeper understanding of her. However, it's important to note that understanding our mother does not necessarily imply agreement with her.

We believe that all love in the world is ultimately about integration, while the love in a parent-child relationship is often about separation. This can mean that sometimes we need to consider some emotional separation from our mothers.

This is how we can become truly independent emotionally. How can we achieve this separation?

It would be helpful to be aware of what is our own business and what is our mother's business.

We are responsible for our own affairs and issues, and our mothers are responsible for their own affairs and issues. We can only be responsible for and control ourselves, and we cannot bear the weight of our mothers' lives. Of course, saying this does not mean abandoning our mothers, but rather, it suggests that we prioritize taking care of them in our daily lives. Emotionally and practically, what we may need to do is take care of ourselves first, and then take care of our mothers.

It may be helpful to remember that when we take care of ourselves, we often find that we have more energy to take care of our mothers.

4. Learning and growing

We would like to improve our relationship with our mother and reduce the influence of our original family. This is a complex issue that cannot be resolved simply by answering a few questions. We hope that this will provide you with some new ideas.

If more is needed, it may be helpful to seek the guidance of a professional counselor. It's always a good idea to leave professional problems to the experts.

If the circumstances are not conducive to pursuing this path, it might be helpful to explore psychology courses and books on your own. These resources could assist you in overcoming the influence of your original family and fostering better relationships with your mothers.

I hope these will be of some help and inspiration to you. If you have any questions, you can also click to find a coach for one-on-one communication and exchange.

Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to express my gratitude for your work. Kind regards,

My name is Qiyuan.

The mother in question has indeed caused a considerable amount of pain and suffering in the life of the subject. Her words and actions have caused significant distress. Due to the fact that she is the subject's mother, the subject feels compelled to accommodate and go along with her. Emotionally, mentally, and in the subject's daily life, the mother has drained the subject of their energy and strength. This makes the subject feel very frustrated. The mother's quick temper and harsh criticism of the subject, the subject's father, and the subject's loved ones have all wounded the subject.

However, it appears that she is unaware of this and exhibits a more self-serving demeanor. From our perspective, such a mother represents a form of psychological abduction.

From your description, we can ascertain that your mother exhibits the characteristics of an all-powerful narcissistic mother. She was raised in her original family in a pattern of being kidnapped and overpaying for the original family. Therefore, in the relationship between your mother and you, this part of her self lacks the ability to nourish love. When she does not have this nourishing ability, she will reach into your heart and take your nutrients, kidnapping you to pay for her, and making your self submit to her manipulation. If you resist or refuse, it will lead to her dissatisfaction and accusations, or even violent anger. She gets the part of her self that is missing through accusations and violent anger.

This dynamic can also be conceptualized as an example of emotional vampirism and symbiotic strangulation. The emotional void in this aspect of her self is so profound that it is seemingly incapable of being filled, leading to the perception that no matter what actions are taken, she will remain unsatisfied. Regardless of how benevolent one is towards her, she will inevitably find fault and be critical, unable to experience the emotional flow that has been provided. This can result in feelings of exhaustion and depletion of mental energy.

In the case of a mother who exhibits aggressive behavior, it may be challenging to maintain emotional distance due to the familial bond. However, it is possible to safeguard one's emotional well-being by taking measures to protect oneself from the potential harm caused by such behavior. When confronted with aggressive actions from a mother, such as violent anger and accusations, it is essential to consider a response that prioritizes the protection of one's inner feelings, respect for one's inner voice, and the ability to withstand the influence of her emotions. This may entail speaking up for oneself, defending one's position, and seeking to calm and soothe one's true inner feelings.

It is also important to recognise the value of the individual in question.

The exclamation point is used here to indicate a rhetorical question.

Yixinli responds to the community, the world, and expresses love for all.

Hello.

"Some of her character traits have left a deep mark on me." Everyone talks about choices, but there should be a choice in this area. It causes us so much inner pain, and we deserve better.

"Love your mother so much," "No one doesn't love their parents." You have a compassionate nature, and perhaps because your mother lost this part of herself, the heavens made up for it in you. The experience of life is far more serious than what is shown on the computer screen. In the long river of life, there are always swirls of turmoil.

From an early age, she learned to be cautious, afraid of upsetting her mother and causing her pain. She was also afraid to cry out in pain if she fell. Her first concern was her mother's feelings. She was happy eating pickled vegetables with rice and was easily satisfied.

You worship your mother with love, but she scolds you for being "heartless" and calls you "unstable." Well, this can be considered a compliment from someone who has a sound understanding of new forces.

"It's strange, the child hasn't been hugged much, but she's got tendinitis." I was angry when I heard this, because I had to control my emotions. When you are the one who directly bears the brunt of this remark, it is an extremely heavy blow to your brain and mood!

"She always overprotects her family, and she hurts our little family again and again." I accept your conclusion.

You are brave and strong when you assert yourself, argue your case, and surpass yourself again and again.

But a word from my mother drags us back to the black hole of the past. You are calling for help at the bottom of the well, and she is watching from above, ignorant...

Confinement to "family interests" is narrow-mindedness and a false sense of security. It makes you feel uneasy. "A Dream of Red Mansions" is full of sad tears and is one of the Four Great Classical Novels. However, some people have never understood the feudal narrow-mindedness it criticizes.

Lin Daiyu couldn't escape the feudal prison, but women in the new era can do it!

As a mother with strong feudalistic tendencies, she has self-PUA issues, and her approach to her daughter's PUA is sometimes even unconscious. This makes it clear that some things cannot be changed.

She must set boundaries and separate issues from feudal colors. As an adult, she also has social responsibilities.

Let her make every choice according to her own ideas and bear the consequences.

You can learn to relax and face your small family life with a relaxed attitude.

Take care of the baby yourself if you can. It'll be hard work juggling your time, but you'll see that it's worth it in the future. Happiness is something you have to work for and take hold of yourself.

Hello there!

I'm a heart exploration coach, and I believe that learning is the treasure of the body.

From what you've told me, I can see you're feeling a whole range of sad, confused, disappointed, and even a bit down on yourself. I can also see you're feeling helpless.

I won't go into the details of your worries about the poor state of your relationship with your mother here, but I would love to give you three pieces of advice for your consideration:

First of all, I really hope you can understand that in an intimate relationship, whoever is suffering more should change first, including parent-child relationships.

You're here looking for help, and that shows you're ready to make a change. And it is easier to change yourself!

When you make the first move to change, it's possible for your mother to change as well. After all, you're always influencing each other!

You might be wondering, "Why should I change first? It's my mother who is doing something wrong or not doing something right, isn't it?"

Or, what if I change first and she remains the same? I totally get where you're coming from with this, but I want to say that you change first not for a definite answer, but to explore a new possibility for your relationship. Otherwise, your relationship will remain the same, you will be more miserable, and she may not be happy either. I really don't think that's what you want, and I'm here to help you achieve a happier, healthier relationship!

Secondly, I would like to suggest that you communicate with your mother in a sincere way.

As I mentioned before, you need to start making some changes, and the first step is to communicate with her openly and honestly.

It's so important to tell her your true thoughts.

It's totally understandable if you feel like you've tried to communicate with your mom many times and it hasn't worked out. In that case, you can try communicating in the following ways and see what happens:

First, try to put yourself in her shoes and try to understand her. This will help her to "hear" you, and you'll be helping her too!

You mentioned the things you dislike about her, including her bad temper and demanding nature. But did you know that her parents were also like that? This means she is also a victim and has not been loved properly, which is why she is like this. You also said that she always complains about how others have caused her misfortune. So is it possible that she is longing for love because she really suffered a lot growing up? It's possible that she also doesn't understand you and speaks harshly to you. Is it possible that she was also often treated like that? It's not that she doesn't love you, but that she doesn't know how to express it. Of course, in saying this, I am not saying that your mother's approach is right. I just hope that you can put yourself in her shoes to make your communication smoother.

Secondly, it's a great idea to start sentences with "I" and chat more about your feelings. Try to avoid or minimise the use of "you" at the beginning of sentences, as this might make her feel rejected or accused, which could make it harder for you both to communicate.

For example, you could say to her, "Mum, I want to have a good talk with you. I know you may not like me and think I'm not good enough, but I hope you can stop being so mean, because it makes me feel that you don't love me and makes me doubt myself. I know you haven't had a very happy life, and I understand that you don't feel happy. But I hope you can look at the good things about Dad, my husband and me, because no one is perfect. We all love you very much and long for your encouragement and approval from time to time. I also hope you can control your temper. I don't want my mother to be someone who is always angry. And I hope you can stop defending your family so much. I have my own family. I hope you can think about me and understand me, okay?" And so on.

After you've had such a nice, open chat with her, she'll probably change her ways. She might not have realized that her actions hurt you, poor thing! And she might even be able to open up to you, which would be great for your relationship.

I really think you should give your mother some time to learn to do a good job of "issue separation."

After you've had such a good chat with your mum, she might not change right away. She might be used to treating you a certain way and it's not easy to change habits! So, give her some time. In the meantime, do a great job of "issue separation." This just means understanding which are your mum's issues and which are yours.

Let's say your mom is still a bit emotional, irritable, and mean-spirited. You hate it, and she hates it too. It's okay! Her bad mood is her business, and how you handle it is yours. You can try not to take it personally or let it affect you.

For example, if she interferes in your family matters again, you can learn to set boundaries and practice "issue separation." You can then communicate with her using the "firm but non-hostile" approach, which means that you refuse to do what she wants and are firm in your attitude, but without hostility. After using this approach many times, she may also realize that her approach is not appropriate and change accordingly. In short, you can do something to change the situation, and you'll be so happy you did!

It's also important to be prepared for the possibility that she won't change. This just means that you've communicated with her deeply, given her some time, and learned to communicate in a way that is "issue-separated" and "firm but without hostility." But she is still the same, without the slightest change, and there is even a tendency for it to get worse. At this point, you can only accept the reality, which is that you have an irritable, demanding mother who lives a hard life without self or boundaries and who likes to complain.

When you accept this reality, you'll find all those negative emotions start to lift. It's because, without expectations, there's no room for them to cause harm.

And, when you accept that she won't change, she may change instead. I know it sounds a little strange, but it's true! Change is all about allowing things to be as they are.

Even if she doesn't change, you'll still be able to set boundaries and "issue separation," which will give you more attention and allow you to live your own life. This will make you feel better!

I really hope my answer helps! If you'd like to chat some more, just click on 'Find a coach for an online conversation' at the bottom and we can have a one-on-one chat.

Hello, I'm Whale Social Worker Kiss the Wind.

Our mothers gave us life and raised us, and they are indeed very important in our lives. It is not uncommon to experience a complex range of emotions towards them, including love and hate. Despite our love for them, there may be instances where we feel they could have done better.

For instance, the series of challenges you outlined above may be quite distressing and uncomfortable for you. It's understandable if you're unsure why your mother made these decisions. However, I believe that mothers everywhere share a similar desire, which is to provide their children with a better life.

Perhaps you could consider finding some time to have a good talk with your mother. You could tell her your views on her and express the hope that she can change a little in the future. I believe she will also reflect on whether what she is doing is right or not.

I believe his original intentions were always good, and I don't think your mother meant any harm. It's possible that he loved you very much, even if he didn't always express it in the best way.

Given the circumstances, it's understandable that we can't always control how others think. What we can do is focus on living in the present and pursuing our own path.

I hope you can take life seriously and live it to the fullest, regardless of what happens.

Wishing you the best, (Yixinli Whale Social Worker)

Hello, I hope this message finds you well. I'm writing on behalf of the questioner.

From your description, it seems that your mother may have a tendency to be critical. This can often manifest as a way of parenting that involves criticism and attacks, which can lead to feelings of insecurity, inferiority, sensitivity, sadness, and unhappiness in children. It's important to recognize that these emotions are normal and can have a significant impact on us, even if we distance ourselves from them.

It is often the case that parents who are critical have experienced similar treatment from their own families. The way they were brought up by their parents is passed on to the next generation. Therefore, it is possible that what your mother did to you is a reflection of what her parents did to your parents. This pattern cannot be separated from the influence of previous generations.

It can be challenging for people who have been hurt in the past to recognize their own role in a conflict. They may tend to blame others for their own feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness. It's as if they're still carrying the burden of a fearful child within, one who needs love and acceptance but didn't receive it growing up. The lack of love and guidance from their parents may have shaped their own parenting style and relationship with their own children. They may have unresolved issues around self-love and expressing love, which can make it difficult for them to fully accept themselves and others.

How might we improve our relationship?

It might be helpful for the questioner to take the initiative to communicate with her mother and talk about the problems between you. If her mother understands the problems you are talking about, it's possible that your mother will also make changes. Of course, not all parents will have this kind of reflection and introspection, which requires a lot of effort from you. You could also consider leading your mother to find a professional psychological counselor for consultation. Perhaps through the perspective of a third party, you can see the problems between you and reflect on your mother's inner world. It might be beneficial to learn to comfort your mother's inner child, and at the same time, don't forget to take care of yourself, love yourself, and believe in yourself.

I hope my answer is helpful to you.

Hello question asker!

I feel sad for you. I understand how you feel. You feel powerless and helpless.

The bond between a mother and daughter is the most intimate. We all love our mothers. We are born to them. We also have to live with our parents. This is our destiny.

An inescapable fate is just that: when we grow up, we can change. You have excellent insight and are perceptive, which means you are suffering and nurturing change. Your pain may be your power to change.

You have great writing skills. Your descriptions of the annoying, angry, and sad points were clear and logical. I can tell you have a high level of education.

You can analyze and see through anything. You will be less influenced by your mother. You said your mother only looks out for her family. You should be considered a member of her family. Let's not discuss this. You felt your mother's songs made you unhappy. You also felt you see your mother's shadow in yourself.

Maybe you hate yourself for this. My big boy already said he and his father are opposites. He doesn't like his father's personality, but he has inherited it.

My baby is trying to change and studying psychology. I suggest you study it too. You can come to this platform, so you must know some psychology. You can get along with your mother by learning more about it. You will love it once you enter the field.

Maybe one day you can help others too. I look forward to you joining the family of psychology that helps both others and yourself.

If you're determined to change, you can do it. I look forward to seeing your progress, and I wish you the best!

I love you!

When I saw the title,

I feel your pain, sadness, helplessness, and anger.

Your feelings when you're with your mother.

That complex feeling.

If you can't hate, you can't love.

If you can sort out your feelings towards your mother.

Express your emotions in a healthy way.

We will have more room to feel love.

Your words show how you interact with your mother.

Entangled.

Your emotions and your mother's are linked.

We can try to tell the difference between our mother's emotions and our own.

Which are our emotions?

Give her her emotions back.

We love our mother.

Love her even more.

We can't complete her tasks.

This isn't a lack of love for our mother.

Help her set boundaries.

If your boundaries are always being crossed,

It makes you feel uncomfortable when someone barge into your home without knocking.

It will make you uncomfortable.

Mothers are the same.

My mother's family boundaries are vague.

We need to be more aware of this.

We can face our mother's complaints with more confidence and relaxation.

It's your mother's, not yours.

I'm here for you to grow with.

Hello, I'm Jiang.

Thank you for trusting us and telling us about your situation. I noticed you see your life as a "nightmare" and used words like "disgust," "anger," and "sadness" when describing your mother.

Your mother is still influencing your life, which is annoying and painful. You want to get away from her, but you can't. I hug you and understand your current mood and thoughts.

I understand you want to be free from your mother's control and solve your problems. Let's first understand why she behaves this way and then find a solution.

1. Mom

1. Personality

She's very power-hungry.

Your mother demands power and is critical of others.

A selfish, ungrateful person.

People with a strong desire for power are self-centered. Your mother is no exception. She is selfish and never considers the feelings of others.

She will complain a lot and make other people unhappy. She will defend her original family and complain about her new family.

People who get angry easily.

People who want to control others often act violently and speak without thinking when others don't meet their expectations.

People with an aggressive personality

Her personality is aggressive. Aggressive people are energetic, strong, and decisive. They lack compassion and are stubborn, arrogant, and complacent.

She always thinks she's right and crosses boundaries.

2⃣, Analysis

Character determines

Your mother's character caused her bad temper. She saw it as a strength and didn't think she needed to change.

She'll only change when she realizes she has a problem.

The original family influenced her.

Your mother's personality is also related to her upbringing. One of her parents may have been irritable and unsympathetic. Living with this kind of person allowed her to grow up in this kind of environment.

Insecurity

Your mother's strong personality shows she is full of fear and worry. She feels insecure if you don't listen to her. She pretends to be strong and everything must be done her way.

A child who never grows up.

Your mother's behavior hasn't changed because she's afraid of losing control of you if she changes.

If you don't listen to her, she'll feel lost. She rejects change and growing up.

2. You

1. Personality

You get angry, but you can also be patient.

You don't like your mother's personality or your own. You worry a lot and are demanding of others.

You understand others and can tolerate your mother's bad temper.

People with both melancholic and pleasing personalities

You dislike your mother's personality and how you interact with her. This makes you more melancholy. Melancholy types are sensitive and idealistic. You see things in depth and get to the heart of the matter.

You are sensitive and perceptive, and can easily sense the thoughts of others. Your weaknesses are that you can be self-centered, pessimistic, and passive, and dwell on problems, making it hard for you to make decisions.

You also have a pleasing personality. People with this personality try to please others, which can lead to problems in their relationships.

Forbearance may make you feel aggrieved, but it is for peace.

2. Analyze

Your personality is shaped by your interactions with others.

Your personalities affect how you interact with your mother. She is aggressive, which corresponds to your melancholic personality. She is also controlling, which corresponds to your pleasing personality. These personalities are complementary.

You've also developed a pleasing character over time.

The root of disgust, anger, and sadness.

Your sensitive personality makes you suppress your emotions to keep the peace with your mother. You also have a self-centered side, which makes you resentful.

You feel disgusted, angry, and sad.

You are annoyed at being controlled.

Your mother makes your life difficult.

She's crossed the line and interfered in your life.

Control and transgression are part of her way of life. You want to be in charge of your own life, but your kind personality stops you from acting out.

You are at a loss when faced with your lover, child, and mother. You are also angry.

3. Solutions

1. Accept your mother's personality.

A mother's personality is formed and cultivated over time. It is unlikely that she will change. The only way to not be moved by her actions is to accept her personality.

2⃣️, Accept yourself.

Accept who you are now, just as you accept your mother's personality. Your personality is partly genetic, partly formed through experience, and partly natural.

You accept yourself, warts and all.

3⃣, communicate and show your feelings.

Your mother is strong, critical, and blames others because she feels insecure, misunderstood, and worthless.

Tell her you understand and thank her.

Tell her you appreciate her care for you and the family. It's not easy, but there are good moments too. Say that she feels her efforts are seen and not in vain.

She also feels valuable.

Tell her you need her to take care of herself.

Tell her you still need her. She's getting older and her body is deteriorating. She hopes she can pay more attention to her body and stay with you.

Tell her you've grown up.

Tell your mother you've grown up. If you're always under her protection, you'll never act independently in society.

4⃣️, separate

To set clear boundaries, live separately from your parents. You won't have to worry about being torn between them.

Hello! I just finished reading your description and I can totally relate to your complex emotions, anger, disappointment, etc. I can see that you love your mother very much and you have also given a lot. But your mother has not seen your efforts, which is totally understandable!

You may not see these complicated emotions, but I can see that you really want to get away from your mother's influence. You are trying, and you are trying to change. I believe you can!

1. "Everyone loves their parents! Even if they're a nightmare in your life, like mine is, you still love them. My mother has some pretty intense traits, like being easily angered, being demanding of others, being extremely concerned about what others think, and living a hard and selfless life. I'm working on loving her and myself, and I'm excited to see what happens next!

(1) I totally get it! We all adore our parents and treasure the time we spend with them. They're our role models, and we're lucky to have them.

(2) You feel uncomfortable when you discover that some of your character traits are similar to your mother's, don't you? These traits may have been extremely annoying to you in the past, but now that you find that you have the same traits, you are disappointed and hate them. What an amazing opportunity for growth!

First, you can close your eyes and feel whether you were ever harshly treated as a child, especially by your mother, and whether you were criticized by her. You really wanted her attention and her approval and praise, and you tried, but you felt it was hard to get.

Now for the fun part! Get in touch with your body and listen to your inner child. If you need to cry, go ahead and let it all out. Then, go to his side and shower him with tenderness. Stroke his head and pat his shoulder.

What emotions does she have right now? Does she feel reassured?

He feels so comfortable and safe! Just stay with him for a while and enjoy the peace.

How do you feel now? Do you feel better? Great! You can also do the meditations on accepting yourself and healing your relationship with your mother. The audios are on the platform, so go ahead and give them a listen!

(3) When you can accept your own character traits, then you can realize and continue to learn and change on this basis. I believe that year after year, there will be a brand new you—and it's going to be great!

Don't worry, take your time. As you change, your mother will change in response. Your relationship will become harmonious, it just takes time. And it will be so worth it! Another point is that if you can accept yourself, you will also respect your mother's feelings and her actions. Your mother's homework can only be completed by your mother herself, so you need to go back to your own position and cultivate your heart. And you can do it!

2. "The point of anger is that her life is a mess, she always feels unhappy, and the misfortune is caused by others. "Others" refers to these closest people around her: me, my father, and even my husband. She really has a hard time getting along with people, always blaming, but no matter how good others are to her, she is never satisfied and unable to know herself. She makes me very difficult, always accommodating her, but she makes my life full of problems." "But you know what? I'm learning to see the silver lining! I'm learning to recognize that her anger is a sign that she's unhappy and that her misfortune is caused by others. And I'm learning to recognize that I can't change her, but I can change me. I can choose to be happy, even when she's not. I can choose to be kind, even when she's not. I can choose to love myself, even when she's not. And I'm learning to recognize that I'm worthy of love and happiness, even when she's not. I'm learning to recognize that I'm worthy of a life full of joy and peace,

(1) It's clear you all adore your mother, but she hasn't noticed. You've done a great job showing her how much you care! Do you ever feel like she's accusing you?

I feel it, and it's a great feeling!

(2) From this, I also feel that my mother seems to be relatively insecure. You just keep accommodating, but my mother doesn't see it. So you can try to talk to your mother during your usual chats about what her past life was like, such as her original family and her relationship with her parents. Just listen and understand her feelings. Other things, just let your mother face them on her own. Sometimes you should also have your own bottom line, and not just keep accommodating her, leaving her room to grow. This is an exciting time! You get to learn more about your mother and her past, and you get to set some boundaries. You'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel!

3. "The sad thing is that she really is a very 'cold' mother. She always thinks I'm not good enough and lacks understanding. I just had my baby half a year ago, and I developed very severe tendonitis, making it difficult for me to hold a pen at work. Her response was mean: 'It's strange that you developed tendonitis without holding your baby much.' She always overprotects her family, and she doesn't hesitate to hurt our little family time and time again, saying hurtful things like 'you're heartless.'

So in the process of interacting with your mother, does it make you feel frustrated? Well, I have seen countless times your love for your mother, and it's a beautiful thing!

You have your own difficulties, and the physical discomfort you are feeling now may be telling you to take good care of yourself. It's so important to look after yourself! Does your mother overprotect her family? Does she mean your biological family? Or does she mean your mother's family?

I think it's time for you to take a step back and give yourself some space from your mother. Or you could try maintaining a certain distance in terms of space. You live with your husband, so your mother can't influence you. How about going back to see her occasionally when you have time?

I really hope my answer is useful to you! Stay strong and take care of your health!