There have been a lot of changes in the family. I'm worried that my mother is overworking herself. How can I help?

I'm sorry to hear that your family is going through such a challenging time. I believe it is wise to be concerned about your mother's mental state.

As a family member, it would be beneficial to support your mother in her situation and emotions.

First of all, it is important to remember that comforting a mother who is grieving the death of an elderly person can be challenging. However, there are a few methods that you might find helpful to try:

It may be helpful to listen to the mother's thoughts and feelings about her loved one and offer comfort.

It might be helpful to encourage the mother to engage in activities that she enjoys, as this could help her to focus on the positive memories of her loved ones.

It might be helpful to remind the mother that they have happy memories of their loved ones, and that these memories will last forever.

It might be helpful to share fond memories of the deceased with the mother, as this could help her feel that they are still with her.

If the mother has religious beliefs, it may be helpful to support her in strengthening her belief in the eternal existence of loved ones.

It is worth noting that the above methods may not be suitable for everyone. However, when used appropriately, they can help mothers to cope with the pain of losing a loved one and to get through this difficult period. I hope this information is helpful.

You might like to consider the following ways to help your mother cope with the loss of her uncle:

It would be beneficial to respect the mother's opinion, as her decisions are based on her values and life experience.

If the mother decides to help the uncle, it would be beneficial for her to provide active support within certain limits to create a comfortable environment for her.

It is important to remain objective and avoid taking sides between the uncle and the mother, as this could add to the mother's burden.

It might be helpful for the mother to consider seeking professional mental health services if she is feeling overwhelmed.

These suggestions are based on general situations. In specific situations, it is important to make judgments based on the actual situation.

Hello, I'm Fly, a heart exploration coach. I hope 2023 is a happy year for you.

I get where you're coming from. You're worried about your mom's mood, her health, her future pension problems, and the responsibility of taking on the role of uncle. Let's look at the problems that trouble you and the solutions:

I get the sense that there's a need for some boundaries here.

Showing love and care for your mother is a way of showing your filial piety. However, there can sometimes be a lack of boundaries, which can make it feel impersonal. Even among family members, it's important to maintain a sense of boundaries for each other.

As kids, we all heard the saying "there's a kind of cold that comes from your mother saying you're cold." Now that your parents are getting older and you're an adult, it's like the reverse. The care you show them has turned into the worries you have for them.

By leaving your mother's life's work to her, you're not her, so you can't really understand her feelings, like her worry and nostalgia for her parents and her bond with her uncle. Everyone has their own life's work, and as a bystander, you can only help, not do it for them.

If you choose to "trust" your mother, she can really do better. And your worry is actually a "projection" of your own worries and fears about the future.

What's the important message here? It's about being aware and seeing your emotions, anxiety, and unease.

?2. Emotions are our bodies' way of telling us that something needs to be addressed.

Our emotions have energy and act as messengers to tell us important things.

You're worried about your mother, her future, and her old age. You're worried that your uncle will continue to burden your mother. What emotional needs are behind this worry?

It doesn't matter if you're feeling secure, anxious about separation, or anything else. You can communicate effectively with your mother, share your views and feelings, and at the same time listen to her feelings. Find a goal that you both agree on, and both hope that your mother will be happier and more relaxed in the future.

Once you've let go of this worry, what else can you do to make your mother happy in the future? At the same time, what can your mother do to make it easier for you not to worry about her?

If you can see this, you can make real changes. It's also fine to communicate with your uncle. Family members should express themselves sincerely, without emotions or judgment, and within each other's capabilities, to meet each other's needs and find a solution to the problem together.

Take a moment to reflect on what's going on around you. Take a deep breath and meditate. Stay quiet with yourself and feel your heart. Notice the anxiety and use it as a way to tap into your inner wisdom. You'll find answers to your problems.

I'd also suggest checking out "Brain Science for Stress Reduction" and "Jump Out of Your Head and Into Your Life."

I hope this is helpful to you, and I wish you all the best.

If you want to keep talking, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'll keep chatting with you one-on-one.

Hello!

From what you've shared, it's clear you're feeling some anxiety about your mother's mental state. I can see that you're a thoughtful person who's aware of your current feelings.

When faced with a family situation, we tend to think in a negative direction. At the same time, we feel some pressure that needs to be released. We also feel a loss of control over external events, which can lead to feelings of anxiety and even negative thoughts. But there is a way to turn this around!

I'm excited to share some advice that I think you'll find really helpful!

[1] It's time to learn how to be aware of your emotions and soothe them!

For example, when we feel a certain emotion, what is that emotion? Find a word to describe it, and then find out the reason for that emotion. Once you know why you're feeling a certain way, you can start to soothe your internal emotions!

[2] Learn to use positive mental suggestions!

Some things may not develop in a bad way, but we can absolutely learn positive mental suggestions, enhance our inner confidence, and believe that everything will be fine! Things will actually slowly work out, and they are not as difficult as imagined.

[3] Get some professional counseling!

A counselor can help us identify our needs, calm our inner emotions, and support our family in making sense of their current confusion.

[4] Learn to separate issues. You don't need to take responsibility for other people's issues — and you shouldn't!

For example, in dealing with your uncle's situation, I think you can communicate with your mother and tell her that your uncle needs to solve and take responsibility for his own problems. It's so important to help others, but we need to make sure they're taking responsibility for their own problems. If we blindly help others, they may enjoy the situation and not work hard for it. Others' responsibilities need to be fulfilled by them, and their problems need to be cultivated by themselves.

Wishing you all the best!

The original poster is absolutely lovely!

I'm Kelly Shui, and I'm your heart detective!

You are a sensible and empathic person, which is great!

There are so many exciting changes in our family! We just want to make sure our amazing mom is taking care of herself, too. Let's talk about boundaries together!

In our lives, don't we often encounter these kinds of things that have no boundaries? And isn't it fascinating how we can learn from them?

I'd love to give you a few examples!

1: Parents or friends call at all hours. For example, they are looking for someone to chat with in the middle of the night, and they are in a bad mood, doing whatever they want whenever they want.

2: Some families have children who, after getting married, embark on a thrilling journey of self-discovery by leaving their original family to form their own, and then go through their things or even take them without asking for permission.

3: For example, during the New Year, some relatives or friends, who obviously don't know you well, keep asking you about your salary, saying that it's time for you to get married and have children, etc.

In fact, whenever I encounter this, I feel a rush of excitement and anticipation in my heart.

This is precisely the breakdown of boundaries, and our lives need boundaries—and they're an essential part of living a full and happy life!

On the other hand, everyone has their own business, and that's a good thing! Many people are not used to refusing others' calls in the middle of the night, and that's okay. We can all learn to say "no" without feeling guilty.

After marriage, the nuclear family is the most important thing after leaving the original family. In China, due to cultural reasons, many people's hearts are still in their parents' home after marriage, which is a wonderful thing!

They don't realize that they have already left their original family, and they can provide emotional support. However, if they take on too much responsibility, it will also affect the lives of others.

[Boundaries with the original family]

1: A few years ago, my grandparents passed away due to illness, and my mother was there for her daughter every step of the way!

As children, their parents' departure will make them sad and upset. But the mother did what her daughter should do, and that's something to be proud of!

2: My uncle has always been idle and childish. Recently, he and my aunt got a divorce, which is a great opportunity for him to start fresh!

These are things we can think about who's business they are!

Everyone needs independence, and it's great that the uncle is taking control of his own affairs!

When someone lacks a sense of boundaries, some people may unconsciously entrust their affairs to others, or intrude on others without the proper boundaries, or impose their wishes on others and forcefully intrude on others' boundaries. But there's a way to turn this around!

So, once we understand this, we can also think about it. If someone continues to help your uncle, it will give your uncle a chance to take responsibility for himself!

Absolutely! Think and grow as an independent person!

3: Learn to let go. It's time to take responsibility for yourself and start exploring your own amazing life!

The Russian writer Nikolai Bondarev once said something really interesting. He said that "the root of all human suffering lies in the lack of a sense of boundaries." It's true! A lack of clarity about boundaries not only causes suffering for oneself, but also for others.

It's so important to understand that having clear boundaries is the best way to show respect. It's also the best way to grow and flourish!

4: When mom gets married, it's time to spread your wings and fly! Mom and family need to be separated, and you get to set new boundaries. You will grow up and take on the exciting challenge of becoming your own person.

Everyone is an individual, and we all need our own personal space—and that's a good thing!

5: It's great to be supportive of your mum, but remember she's an adult too! You can also talk to her about how she loves herself. Understanding these boundary issues is good for everyone!

Setting clear boundaries is a great way to figure out what you want and where your limits are.

It's so important to know what you can and can't do!

For example, if Mom is responsible for her uncle, that's her responsibility! Why doesn't her uncle consider his sister as a man should?

Oh, this is a great question! So, is the uncle an adult, and does the law have this responsibility and obligation?

6: When you notice that your mother's mood is affected, it's a great opportunity to communicate directly with her! Tell her how you feel and express yourself directly. Be brave and speak your mind!

Let your mother know you care about her and that you hope she loves herself!

Oh, the possibilities! Did she choose to worry about her uncle's affairs, or did her uncle come to you?

So, is it that your mother has no boundaries, or is it your uncle who has no boundaries?

7: Work hard to improve yourself, grow yourself, and increase your self-confidence! With your own sense of independence and thoughts, you'll be unstoppable!

If you're feeling down, why not take your mother to see a psychologist? It could be just the thing to help you feel better!

8: A sense of boundaries is also a person's bottom line and principles!

People with a strong sense of boundaries are amazing! They have a clear understanding of interpersonal boundaries and will not be influenced by others or cross boundaries to disturb others.

On the other hand, people with a weak sense of boundaries are likely to infringe on the boundaries of others without even realizing it! Even if their own boundaries are disturbed by others, they won't say "no."

You have the opportunity to distinguish between your own things and emotions and other people's things and emotions.

I'm excited to share a few suggestions with you on how you can regulate yourself!

1: We absolutely value our own needs and take total responsibility for ourselves!

It's time to recognize your own importance, agree with your own value, and respect your own feelings!

We absolutely know our right to defend our own boundaries! And we respect our own and other people's time and energy, including wealth.

It's time to learn how to express your feelings and demands clearly! And remember, what other people think is their own problem. Even if their responses don't meet your expectations, it's not your fault. You've got this! You can be disliked and still be amazing!

You should definitely check out "The Courage to Be Disliked"!

2: Let go of the messiah complex and embrace the amazing journey of other people's destinies!

Don't get in the way of other people's choices! And don't expect others to meet your standards. For example, if you're worried about your uncle, his divorce is his business. You can give your mother advice, and then let her make her own decisions.

Our personal independence and growth is an exciting lifelong journey!

Let's ditch the messiah complex, keep growing, maintain a great social distance, and respect our own fate as well as that of others!

3: Learn to communicate, not tolerate. It's time to take back control of your life! The longer you tolerate, the more blurred your boundaries become, and the more recklessly others will cross them.

Keep your boundaries clear! Be aware of people who might try to cross them. If someone is close to you, family, or has a good relationship with you, it doesn't mean they have the right to infringe on your personal space. Be confident in setting and respecting your boundaries.

It's so important to be clear about our boundaries and rights, and to maintain an appropriate sense of proportion in our relationships. Everyone has their own space, freedom, and their own unique path to happiness.

If you're interested, you should definitely check out "Self-Boundaries"!

I wish you all the best!

I love you, world! And I love you, too!

Hello, question asker!

After reading your question, I can feel your sense of responsibility, love, and worry, and I'm excited to help!

I'm excited to share some insights and advice!

[Stress is inevitable]

As the title owner introduced, there have been some big changes in the family, with the passing of grandma and grandpa and the divorce of auntie.

This kind of life stress caused by life events or changes will be encountered sooner or later in a person's life, to a greater or lesser extent. And when it does, you'll be ready!

However, the great news is that the impact of life stress on individuals varies. This depends on a number of factors, including personality traits, attitudes and cognitive appraisals of events, coping styles, and social support.

[Stress reaction]

The title owner describes it perfectly: "I am very worried and sympathetic to my mother," "my mood has been very low," and "even I am very anxious."

It doesn't matter if it's your mom or you—life stress can cause some pretty intense emotions, like tension, depression, and anxiety.

It's so important to take care of ourselves when we're feeling stressed. It can exhaust us, make us less willing to communicate, cause tension in our relationships, and cause mental suffering.

[Adjust cognitive evaluation]

It's so interesting how everyone's different perceptions, understandings, and evaluations of the same life events cause different psychological and physiological changes!

As the questioner mentioned, "It's finally over with the hard work of taking care of my parents," "Now my aunt has to worry about my uncle again." This is a new chapter! Your perception and evaluation cannot replace your mother's perception and evaluation.

It would be a great idea for the questioner and his mother to have a good talk, share their feelings with each other, find out her true evaluation and perception, and adjust their cognitive evaluation.

Also, don't be afraid to share your thoughts and concerns! This is a great way to help yourself regulate your negative emotions.

[Bravely face reality]

There are some things that can be understood but cannot be changed. It is suggested that the questioner should objectively face reality—and embrace the opportunity to grow!

If the situation is as the questioner describes, which I'm sure it is, then we can look forward to seeing how things pan out! After the divorce, he will most likely have to rely on my mother for help, which is a great opportunity for him to learn some valuable lessons in life.

If the facts align with your judgment and you're unable to change the situation on your own,

You can do this together with your mother! Take on the responsibilities and obligations that come with this exciting new adventure!

[Finding social support]

When a person is affected by stress and anxiety, there is a way out! If family, friends, classmates, colleagues, and society can actively help and provide moral, material, professional, and enthusiastic support, they can quickly get out of trouble.

So, I really encourage you to adopt a positive attitude and coping methods, fully mobilize all social support, and reduce the adverse effects of life stress, just as you would when seeking help on the platform.

I really hope this helps you!