Third-year female student, why am I getting worse at interacting with others? Any suggestions?

Growing up is tough. :)

The original poster knows herself well.

You used to focus on socializing and relationships, but now you focus on yourself. You feel selfish and can't handle relationships.

The third year is a turning point.

You have to choose between three paths: work, postgraduate studies, or going abroad. It also takes a lot of time to prepare. If you want to work, you need to intern at a company in your target industry. If you want to study for postgraduate exams and go abroad, you need to study and prepare for a long time and pass the corresponding exams.

It's good to figure out your interests and set goals at this point.

Second, groups change.

In their third year of university, people often change their friends. Those going abroad study together, those preparing for postgraduate entrance exams prepare together, and those looking for a job often eat and chat together.

Then talk about how you feel you've become selfish.

Maybe you turned down other people's requests for your own reasons, which made you seem like a "bad person" to them. Your classmates may feel that you have changed.

It might take time to adjust.

You need to be selfish sometimes, and your classmates need to accept that you might say no to their requests.

Your college friends are still precious.

You should also spend time with friends you want to keep in touch with. This will be valuable for your whole life.

Have fun and keep your friends. Best wishes.

Hello, classmate. From your writing, it seems that you are currently experiencing some confusion and anxiety about interpersonal relationships. I can relate to your situation. You are a junior and will graduate in one year, at which point you will either enter the workforce or continue your studies by taking the postgraduate entrance exam. On the one hand, you will have the pressure of your studies, and on the other hand, you will also need to socialize more. I believe that in addition to studying hard on our own, it is also very beneficial to have friends to talk to and support each other.

1) You say you are considered to have an outgoing personality, a bit of a people pleaser. You are enthusiastic and outgoing in interpersonal interactions, good at caring for friends, and consider everything for friends. Your friends are willing to socialize with you, but you sometimes feel a bit lost and unhappy because you suppress yourself and don't express your needs in everything.

2) It seems that you have recently set a goal to study alone in the library most of the time every day. Focused study has made you more aware and more self-aware, which is really good. It seems that you have grown through your studies and become more self-aware. I'm really happy for you.

As you spend more time with your old friends, you may find that their thoughts or behaviors seem less mature than your own.

I would like to offer you three areas of reflection:

When interacting with friends, it can be helpful to be aware of your own thoughts, opinions, and needs, and to express them in a way that is respectful and considerate. This approach may differ from what you have done in the past, and it may take time to feel comfortable with it. It's natural to feel uncertain at first, and it's possible that you may not receive a positive response right away. In such cases, it's important to be patient and persevere. With practice, you will gradually become more confident in expressing yourself, and your friends will get to know you better.

I would like to take a moment to consider the kind of friends we choose to associate with. This is a very profound topic, and I can only touch on it briefly here.

Interacting with others allows us to gain a broader perspective on the world and ourselves, as well as facilitate the exchange of information. It also provides a sense of being noticed, cared for, and supported. Having friends who understand us and share our interests, as well as study partners and life companions, is beneficial. Adapting to and enjoying the various roles society offers is important. While it may not be realistic to expect our friends to be exactly like us, we can strive to cultivate better friendships.

It would be beneficial to find a balance between solitude and togetherness. It is important to enjoy solitude, but it is also valuable to adapt to togetherness. Ultimately, it is essential to follow your heart.

I believe the best approach is to follow your heart and do what comes naturally.

I hope this is of some assistance.

Good day! I happened upon your question while visiting this site.

I believe the question you posed is quite insightful and valuable. I have also benefited from reading the thoughtful and insightful responses from other respondents. As a non-professional, I cannot offer a very professional opinion, but I would like to offer a little non-professional personal insight for your consideration.

1. You have come to recognize that you possess a personality that is, on the whole, agreeable. This is encouraging news, as it suggests that you will gradually become more adept at avoiding such behavior and cultivating a healthier, more balanced personality.

2. It would be helpful to consider which comes first, socializing or academic studies (growth)? It might be beneficial to make a choice. Which do you think is more important?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider which is most important and which is worth investing more time and energy in.

Which one gives you a sense of gain, and which one makes you feel more fulfilled and comfortable? You may already have an inkling of the answer, and you may already have made a choice. The result of this choice may already have given you feedback.

3. It is not the case that choosing to prioritize your studies means you have completely given up socializing. You are simply devoting more time and energy to your studies (self-growth), and you can still socialize, but you are just investing relatively less time in it.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that you are now more focused on self-growth, and that you have become a better, more valuable, and more useful person to others. Do you think that your excellence is more conducive to future socializing, or is mediocrity more conducive to your socializing? Which do you think is more important, the "quantity" or the "quality" of socializing at the moment?

4. "I feel like most of my social interactions have been less engaging lately," "I think some of their ideas and behaviors are perhaps less mature than I'd like"... Of course this is because you have recently set goals. It also means that you have found something more meaningful and valuable. It also means that you have matured, grown, and improved. You were originally on the same level as most people, but now you have awakened and progressed, and you have quietly reached a higher level than most people. Have you noticed?

5. It's worth noting that not all social interactions are equally valuable or deserve the same amount of time and energy. It's important to recognize that only valuable social interactions are truly meaningful. It might be helpful to consider limiting or reducing your involvement in some of the less productive social interactions. This concept is often referred to as "setting boundaries."

6. Perhaps we could consider that paying more attention to your own growth is not selfish. Similarly, not harming others to benefit yourself, not negatively influencing others, not infringing on others, just focusing on your own growth – could this be a healthy mentality?

I believe that the more you grow, the more valuable you are to others.

7. You will eventually meet some people who are similar to you in many ways. You will eventually meet people with whom you have much in common. They enjoy being alone as much as you do, they like to learn and grow even more, and they pay more attention to self-growth. You get along and communicate well with them, and you will have more gains and a greater sense of satisfaction and comfort. You interact with each other, make progress, and grow. Isn't this kind of socializing wonderful?

In conclusion, the above represents my personal opinion, which is limited in scope, but it is sincerely held. I hope you will not find it amusing.

Not all college students are mature. Many are still in the childish phase of exploring their own growth space. You can also continue to realize the rules in the process of getting along with people in your junior year of college. This will help you identify the kind of people you are more willing to progress with.

You may realize that the other person is constantly involving you in unnecessary interactions. Many social interactions are actually unnecessary, neither interesting nor necessary for your own growth. Don't try to please them.

If you can, put social and interpersonal relationships on the back burner. There are other things that are worth putting first, so you can really focus on those. This is a great approach.

For example, you should study at home, study at the library, and spend time alone when appropriate. This will help you stay alert and clear-headed while also maintaining your inner clarity. You can also see what types of people you are more willing to get along with and make friends.

People with similar interests tend to stick together. There are other people with similar ideas to yours, so you can get along with them. There's no problem with being alone. At the same time, we also have some social contributions of our own.

Talk about your worries appropriately. See a psychologist or psychotherapist. As a professional coach, I recommend reading books on interpersonal relationships, such as "Give a Good Reply," "The Stranger Effect," "Just the Right Amount of Self-Esteem," and "Closer to Love, Embracing Positive Relationships." Get close to people who share similar values to yours. Good luck!

What is the question?

Wu Fei Kong's take on it:

I think it's great that you're spending most of your time studying in the library!

It's totally normal to feel a bit clearer-headed and more self-aware when you spend long periods of time on your own. It's not selfishness, it's just your natural state of being. What was a bit unusual was that you previously put socializing and relationships first. Putting them first is a wonderful way to show the world how kind and caring you are!

My dear, you are doing so well! Don't doubt it for a second.

It's so important to be able to be alone before you can socialize. It's great that you enjoy being alone! It just goes to show you're getting along with yourself.

If you're someone who struggles to be alone and to have a good relationship with yourself, it can be really hard to have good relationships with other people too.

I think what you're really struggling with is learning how to say no. You're so used to putting socializing first that you rarely say no to people.

Now you have more important things to do, and you need to say no to people. I know it can be hard to say no, especially when you're used to saying yes. But remember, it's okay to prioritize your own needs and goals. You're not being selfish, and others won't think that if you just give it a try.

I think it's really interesting to observe the people in the library and those outstanding individuals. Do you think it's selfish to strive for your own goals? I don't think so! And I don't think it was selfish of Zhou Enlai to study for the rise of China.

Is it selfish for Gu Ailing to challenge herself and surpass herself? Absolutely not! A person must first become capable before they can possibly use their abilities to change the world.

It's so important to refuse meaningless socializing. You are the master of your life, and you have every right to choose when, where, and with whom to socialize.

You are not someone else's dependent or slave. You are the helmsman of your own life, and you are responsible for your own life. No one else can be responsible for someone else's life, but you can be responsible for your own!

When you learn to say no, you're really learning to say yes. And when you learn to say both, you have the freedom to choose.

Dear questioner, Thank you so much for your question!

After reading your question, I can feel your worries and confusion, as well as the toll that focusing too much on relationships has taken on you. But don't worry! I'm here to help.

Now, let's dive into the fascinating topic of the slightly ingratiatory personality type!

Regarding the part that says, "Previously, they were quite outgoing and had a somewhat ingratiating personality, prioritizing social interactions and relationships,"

Let's dive in and explore what a "compliant personality" is all about! It's important to note that a compliant personality is not a psychological disorder. It's simply a term used to describe a certain personality trait.

In fact, almost all of us have a more or less pronounced tendency to ingratiate ourselves, which is a wonderful thing! Flattery is more of a strategy that we have developed over time to achieve a certain goal or expectation.

For example, what is the goal you are trying to achieve by being nice, as described in the question?

Is your goal to make everyone like you? To make everyone happy when they see you?

Flattery is a great way to relate to others! It can help us achieve our goals, such as making people think we really like them and they like us too. Just be careful about how much flattery you use.

Just remember, if you use it too much, you'll deplete your own mental energy.

2. I'm excited to explore why I've been feeling so bored with socializing lately!

Regarding "But recently, for some reason, I find socializing with most people boring. I even feel that studying at home and attending classes is more interesting. When I come into contact with friends and chat with them, I feel that some of their thoughts or behaviors are childish. Part of the reason may be that I have recently set a goal, so I spend most of the day studying in the library.

A long period of solitude has made me more aware and more self-focused. I don't know if this is considered selfish, but it has also led to my becoming less and less adept at handling interpersonal relationships. And you know what? I'm excited to learn how to handle these relationships better!

Now for the fun part!

On the surface, it seems that we suddenly find interpersonal interactions boring. But what is the essence?

The questioner is a person who loves to learn! At the same time, I can see from your question that you have your own unique insights when you say that you find the thoughts and actions of others childish. Am I right?

As for why you feel bored in interpersonal interactions, I can only guess based on your description, but I'm excited to help you figure it out! The real situation requires you to do some self-awareness on your own, which I know you can do! I guess one reason is your personality, which allows you to restore your mental energy better when you are alone.

The second reason is that you have paid too much attention to relationships and used flattery too much, forgetting your true feelings, which has exhausted your mental energy greatly. So, the questioner, you can pay attention to your own state and allow yourself to do so. This is an amazing opportunity for you to tune in to your own needs and desires!

And in no time at all, your mental energy will be back!

3. Regarding the recent problem of being troubled by interpersonal relationships.

Regarding this troublesome interpersonal relationship, the questioner needs to further observe and understand themselves. What is our problem with interpersonal relationships? Is it that in interpersonal relationships, paying too much attention to one's own feelings is selfish? Absolutely not! We can absolutely improve our relationships with others.

And so on!

It's absolutely true that paying more attention to your own feelings is not selfish — it's a sign of self-love! When we're involved in any relationship, we need to be able to see our own feelings before we can see the feelings of others.

So, while it is good to please others, you cannot please everyone excessively. This way of controlling the emotions and feelings of others sometimes does not always get positive feedback. But that's okay! We can still make the best of it.

It is actually quite simple to deal with interpersonal relationships! All you need is a harmonious self.

In other words, the pleasing part that develops from this false self that we invest in may make some more sensitive people perceive that this is not a genuine show of goodwill, but a way of exerting control.

So, let us help you handle those bad relationships! Then, put yourself into the relationship with your true self and watch the magic happen!

We don't demand that the other person be a certain way or be a certain kind of person. Instead, we allow ourselves and the other person to be authentic! And what does that mean? It means that sometimes things are good and sometimes they are bad. But that's okay! Because when we're authentic, our self-image is stretched and coherent.

And the best part is that entering into a relationship makes it more likely to be harmonious and comfortable!

I really hope the above answers are helpful to you! I love you all so much, and I hope you have a wonderful day!

Hello, questioner. I can sense the dilemma you're facing from your description. If it would help, I'd be happy to give you a warm hug.

1.

People with a pleasing personality are often used to compromising and even ignoring their own inner feelings to please others. However, it is important to remember that they also have needs and deserve to be loved and cared for. At some point, kindness needs a little self-protective edge, and the "nice guy" can also say "no" bravely.

2.

You have a strong sense of awareness and have noticed your current state. I commend you on your efforts to make gradual changes to your behavior. It would be beneficial for you to devote more attention to your own feelings. When interacting with others, it is important to have principles and boundaries. Prioritizing others over your own needs could be a sign that you are not fully aware of your own feelings.

3.

If you have the opportunity, you might enjoy watching the TV series "Female Psychologist," which addresses this topic. This show has helped many people and resonated with many viewers.

While it is important to please others, it is also essential to take care of yourself.

4. If you feel that the other person cannot satisfy your psychological needs, there is no reason why you cannot quietly improve yourself and live the way you want to. You should follow your heart. This is, after all, a process of self-improvement!

5.

As the content of your studies increases, you may find that the pressure rises too. It's admirable that you don't see studying as pressure, but as something you enjoy. At the moment, I'd like to congratulate you on having such a good attitude and state of mind! It's understandable that if you spend more time studying, you'll have less time for interacting with others.

I would like to extend my sincerest congratulations on your success! I truly hope that my answer has provided you with some inspiration and assistance.

Avoidance of the flow of life will inevitably result in distress. The pursuit of one's own goals and the exertion of effort to achieve them is a highly beneficial activity.

One's life is a matter of personal significance and autonomy, rather than a means of satisfying external expectations. Regardless of external perceptions, investing effort in one's own life is not inherently selfish, but rather a demonstration of self-respect.

While solitude can be a beneficial state, it is not synonymous with social isolation. Passive socialization can be a significant time investment with minimal opportunities for genuine connection and understanding. In such situations, it is often challenging to engage with others on a meaningful level.

In the course of maturation, individuals encounter a variety of individuals. Some engage in superficial interactions, while others consistently demonstrate a sense of absence, regardless of geographical distance.

In the event that one is unable to decline participation in passive socialization, it is important not to forego relaxation solely due to one's personal goals. Even when one is mindful of self-improvement, it is not necessary to isolate oneself from social interactions. Socialization with others serves as a means of self-testing and improvement. When confronted with interpersonal relationships that are challenging to navigate, it is crucial not to become overwhelmed. Through gradual engagement, individuals can continuously refine their understanding of appropriate social interaction.

It is recommended that individuals take the initiative to form connections with those who share similar interests and values. These relationships can be established through collaborative efforts and can serve as a source of support and guidance when faced with challenges.

It is unwise to sacrifice one's entire life in the pursuit of self-interest. There is no inherent conflict between a better life and incremental goals; they can, in fact, contribute to one's happiness.

Individuals possess distinctive growth environments and personalities, shaped by disparate experiences. Authentic friendship is not contingent on the maturity of the other person. It is worthwhile to collaborate and invest in a relationship that traverses the journey of life together.

Hello, question asker. Let me give you a warm hug first.

I see what you're going through. From your words, I can tell you're struggling. Here's what I suggest:

1. Socializing

Let's be real. Most of our troubles come from interpersonal relationships. So, if we cut ourselves off from them, will we have no more troubles? Not really. When we really cut ourselves off from society and groups, we will no longer be called individuals.

Loneliness can also arise spontaneously, and we must be prepared to deal with it.

You need to learn to separate topics. When you focus on yourself, focus on yourself. This is not selfishness. When you socialize, focus on the moment.

You are the center of your own circle. You can go out and socialize, or you can focus on growing within your own circle.

2. Set boundaries.

We will meet many people in our lives, but we don't have to connect with them all. We can choose to interact with people at different levels, from close to far. And we can refuse to engage with people who are not a good fit. It may make the other person and ourselves feel a bit uncomfortable, but it is because of boundaries that we can screen and find friends who really share the same frequency as us to establish social connections.

3. Being alone is not a problem.

Many people are afraid of being alone, which makes it difficult for them to find a way to be alone with themselves. Even if the questioner feels that they cannot handle interpersonal relationships, it is just that we do not handle things the way other people do. We may not be able to learn it, but that does not mean that we cannot handle it in our own way.

We may not do it perfectly at first, but with experience and reflection, we will undoubtedly find our own way. There is no one right or wrong way to handle interpersonal relationships.

Some people say that introverts can't be salespeople, but this is a self-imposed limitation. Extroverts do have an advantage in social interactions because they are good at making friends. But introverts also have their own advantages. They are more careful and better at thinking. As long as they find their own advantages, they will do just as well. There is no right or wrong in being introverted or extroverted. They coexist together in us, but it just depends on the situation which one is more obvious. Don't set limits for yourself.

The same goes for the original poster. Don't doubt your social skills. We can learn from others, but in the end, we have to follow our hearts and find our own way. It should make others feel comfortable and us feel confident.

If we get along, we'll chat more. If not, we'll chat less or not at all.

4. About yourself

The questioner is in his third year of university and is about to reach the next turning point in his life. He has chosen to be alone, which is actually very wise, and has not fallen into the emotional drain of a relationship. Life is like a train ride, where people always get off and others always get on to accompany us for a while. In fact, after graduating from university, everyone goes their separate ways. Even in a good relationship, we will eventually have to face the fact that it is time to part ways.

At this time, we focus on our own learning and know what we want most is the most important. In fact, you will quickly see that when we become better, the energy field around us will also become better, and our relationships will improve.

When we learn to love ourselves first, we will have the energy to love others better.

Read the book The Courage to Be Disliked. It'll help you gain something different. In the future, be sincere when socializing. It doesn't matter what you think you are at that moment.

You can also learn other communication skills and find the ones that suit you. Don't worry too much about your social relationships right now. Just be confident and show the real you.

I am confident that the above will inspire and benefit you. I look forward to meeting a better you, and I know the world loves you with us.

Good day, host.

I appreciate the depth and thoughtfulness of your inquiries, particularly given your age and level of engagement with introspection. I would be honored to contribute my insights on your self-description and questions for your reference.

It is possible to comprehend the reasons behind one's feelings of social disinterest in the context of one's innate temperament and acquired personality.

[Innate temperament] On the one hand, feeling socially boring may indicate that your innate temperament is introverted. Different psychologists have proposed different personality temperaments in their research on personality. One aspect of temperament is extraversion or introversion, which refers to a person's innate tendency to direct emotional and mental activity inwardly or outwardly.

This tendency is not inherently positive or negative; it is simply a different characteristic.

Extroverts tend to be more outwardly oriented in their emotional and cognitive activities. It is theorized that they have higher levels of dopamine in their bodies and require greater external stimulation to feel comfortable and energetic. Consequently, they are more likely to utilize socialization as a means of enhancing themselves and recharging. They are typically cheerful and sociable, passionate and outgoing, and are willing to seek assistance from others. However, they experience difficulty when alone and engaging in deep reflection on issues, let alone self-analysis and self-criticism.

Individuals who are introverted may exhibit behaviors that are the opposite of those described above. It is theorized that they have higher levels of acetylcholine in their bodies, which may make external stimuli overwhelming for them. As a result, socializing can feel draining, and they may need time to recharge by returning to a state of solitude. Introverts often have an inward focus in their emotional and cognitive activities. They may prefer to work quietly by themselves, engage in deep thinking about problems, and engage in self-analysis and self-criticism. They may also demonstrate less flexibility in interpersonal interactions and adaptability to the environment than extroverts.

Should you be interested, you may wish to undertake a temperament or personality test. There are a number of free online tests available, for example the Eysenck Temperament Questionnaire, or you may wish to purchase a similar test from the Yi Xinli platform. However, it should be noted that the results of psychological tests are only intended to facilitate a deeper understanding of oneself, rather than to provide definitive conclusions. It would be unwise, for instance, to make any sweeping generalisations based on the results of a test, such as 'I am an introvert, therefore I am not good at socialising and I will never improve socially because my parents gave me such bad genes'.

Alternatively, feelings of social disinterest may indicate an inability to receive nurturance in social settings. The original poster's assertion that they possess a generally agreeable personality is likely a significant factor contributing to their social disinterest and inclination to pursue academic activities at home.

For individuals with a pleasing personality, the true meaning of "putting interpersonal relationships first" is likely "putting the needs of others first." Consequently, socializing for them entails the expenditure of energy no longer on perceiving their own feelings and needs, but on attending to the feelings and needs of others. Their actions are also directed at satisfying the feelings and needs of others, in exchange for the comfort of being accepted, recognized, and loved in social situations without being resented or excluded. Therefore, individuals with a pleasing personality tend to get along well with everyone and appear to possess an outgoing and cheerful personality. However, their inner experiences are, in fact, quite different from those of extroverts who enjoy socializing.

Individuals who are not socially oriented but rather sociable, particularly extroverts, are typically not apprehensive about requesting assistance and are also highly inclined to provide help to others. This indicates that their psychological experience is one of pleasure and euphoria. Whether they are being helped to fulfill their own needs or assisting others in attending to their emotional needs and those of others, they derive enjoyment from it. Consequently, they are continuously able to feel nourished and empowered in social interactions. They perceive themselves as significant and deserving of better treatment, and they also recognize themselves as benevolent and capable of extending kindness to others. They are in such a positive emotional activity cycle in their relationships with others, so they are more inclined to invest in social interactions.

The objective of the "pleaser" is to "maintain harmony" in relationships. However, this harmony is often described as "superficial" due to the tendency of these individuals to prioritize the needs of others over their own. In essence, the "pleaser" does not fully express their authentic self when interacting with others, leading to a depletion of energy in the process of pleasing others and suppressing their own needs. It is not surprising that social interactions can result in a sense of exhaustion.

Furthermore, this kind of socializing can also result in feelings of worthlessness, meaninglessness, and emptiness. From a logical perspective, it is not difficult to understand that when one places others in an important position, one simultaneously places oneself in a position of unimportance and a lack of entitlement to treatment that is more than fair. One does not feel nourished in socializing, but rather, one nourishes others in a one-way direction with oneself. It is reasonable to conclude that such a relationship would not be of interest to anyone over the long term.

In response to the question, "I've become more self-absorbed. I wonder if that's selfish?," the answer depends on the definition of "selfish."

The question thus arises as to whether it is only by suppressing one's own feelings and needs and serving the feelings and needs of others that one can be called "unselfish." If this is indeed the case, then is the person one is helping, who would rather sacrifice one's feelings and needs so that one can receive assistance, also considered "selfish"?

I believe you have already provided the correct response.

The statement "This has also led to my growing inability to handle interpersonal relationships" appears to imply that one's inclination towards solitude is a primary factor contributing to difficulties in navigating interpersonal dynamics. However, it is necessary to ascertain whether this assertion is indeed valid.

It is also possible that other causal relationships may be at play. For example, could the "appeasing" interpersonal communication model be the actual reason for the observed decline in interpersonal relationship skills?

If one wishes to improve this, which causal relationship would one choose to address first?

[4] "In fact, I derive great pleasure from solitude, and my concerns primarily arise from certain passive social interactions." This sentiment and the notion that it may more strongly indicate an introverted or withdrawn disposition are to be celebrated. It is important to recognize and acknowledge the strength and capability of being able to enjoy solitude.

It is my view that solitude is a valuable skill, as everyone should be able to find ways to enjoy their lives. For some, socialising is a preferred activity. However, socialising relies on the presence of others to provide enjoyment, whereas solitude allows one to rely on oneself.

Have you identified this phenomenon? Is it not beneficial to be able to provide yourself with what you require, without relying on others?

One might be forgiven for suggesting that a celebration is in order.

With regard to passive socialization, it would be beneficial to inquire as to the underlying motivation for engaging in such activities. Additionally, it would be prudent to consider whether there are any potential consequences associated with a lack of participation in passive socialization.

"Perhaps upon receiving an answer, one may discover that participation in social activities has been "voluntarily chosen" rather than being a truly "passive" act. This indicates a reluctance to face a specific consequence of not engaging in social activities, which can be attributed to an underlying, unidentified need. It can be postulated that socialization is a means of satisfying this need."

One might therefore inquire whether the reluctance to engage in social activities is, in fact, a genuine need.

It is my sincere hope that you will receive a clear answer and that all of your concerns will dissipate.

This concludes my remarks. I extend my best wishes to you and the world at large.

Hi there, I see you're feeling a bit down and I'm hoping I can be of some help.

I can see that you're feeling a bit worried about passive socializing, and I totally get where you're coming from. Let's try to adjust from the following perspectives:

First, give yourself a pat on the back. You've got your own goals and a clear direction, and you've taken lots of actions to reach them. This is a great quality, and I suggest you keep it up. At the same time, give yourself a boost every now and then, keep enjoying the thinking and growth that solitude brings you, and don't doubt yourself because of external interference or unnecessary pressure.

Second, take the initiative in socializing. Instead of just going with the flow, be proactive and pay attention to what you can learn from socializing at different levels. This can help you learn to filter socializing, interact more often with like-minded partners, and be more open-minded and compatible. It can also help you get out of a passive situation and integrate into the energy field you want to be in more.

Third, work on building a sense of cooperation. While solitude has its benefits, there will inevitably be times when you feel overwhelmed and need help. It's important to recognize the emotional and resource benefits that social interaction can bring, rather than rejecting it outright. Maintaining a balance between your personal and professional lives allows you to interact with countless people in between reading thousands of books, which gives you a more comprehensive understanding and helps you build stronger relationships when you leave campus.

There's nothing wrong with being alone or socializing. Just enjoy the moment.

I hope you make new discoveries every day.