Three and a half years have passed; he seems sunny on the outside but vulnerable and sensitive on the inside, living in a daze?

Greetings. I am Gu Yi, a modest and humble individual, akin to the proverbial "empty valley."

From the information provided, it can be surmised that the document in question is a lengthy and somewhat disorganized account of one's emotional state.

It is fortunate that you are constantly becoming more aware and that you still have dreams and hopes.

It can be argued that children who are exposed to literary novels or art films at an early age may develop aspirations and expectations similar to yours. As you have stated, you have a set of ambitious aspirations and are not content with mediocrity, hoping to become a significant individual who makes a notable impact. This is not an issue. However, if the books you read and the movies you watch do not inspire such expansive dreams, it could be argued that the literary works are lacking in this regard.

While it is beneficial to have aspirations, it is even more advantageous to maintain a grounded perspective.

Given the longevity of this dream, it is pertinent to inquire as to the practical efforts that have been made towards its realization.

Indeed, it is often assumed that the exertion of effort is futile when confronted with the constraints of one's circumstances. However, this perception is erroneous. While the attainment of one's aspirations is undoubtedly significant, the process through which these goals are pursued is equally, if not more, crucial.

While one's outward appearance may serve as a source of beauty, it is one's inner temperament that ultimately determines one's resilience and fortitude.

One might inquire as to the origin of temperament.

Our experiences, including our reading, relationships, and life journeys, will naturally shape our character and identity. These experiences, accumulated over time, will ultimately influence our personal growth and development.

Therefore, if the aspiration is still present, regardless of the subsequent steps required to achieve it, the first step should be taken. This will facilitate the acquisition of a more defined direction.

Both Van Gogh and Qi Baishi demonstrated remarkable perseverance, yet ultimately achieved lasting recognition.

The path to success is within reach. It is simply a matter of recognizing it and taking the first step.

I extend my best wishes to you.

Good afternoon, questioner. I'm counselor Will.

I feel fortunate to have come across your question and to have read both parts of the growth diary in their entirety. Reading it, I am reminded of a young man full of sunshine and daydreams, and I am also reminded of myself at that age. Would you like to chat?

(1) The questioner's growth experience is distinctive in its personal style, yet not entirely unique.

The two essays are quite sensitive, and it seems likely that they were written in one sitting, providing a general overview of the psychological journey I have been on for the past three and a half years.

It might be helpful to consider that this process can begin as early as the second year of high school. It can cover a range of topics, including one's psychological state, personality, way of life, struggles and confusion, actions, sources of thinking, realistic results and disillusionment. Ultimately, it can lead to a deeper understanding of one's true self and family.

It is understandable that these three and a half years may feel like a short period of time, especially if it has been a challenging journey and some of your dreams have not come to fruition.

Indeed, this kind of growth is something that we all need to experience. Some people may appear to be fortunate, but it's possible that the hard work, the right time, the right place, and the right people may not be as widely recognized as they should be.

I perceive a tendency towards self-deprecation in the questioner, which may manifest as self-scolding and self-blame. It may be beneficial to view this as a form of luck.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that we have already noticed and experienced this at this age.

Perhaps we could consider the kinds of lives we want to lead in the future and the kinds of people we want to become.

It's possible that some people may never have considered this, or perhaps they've been so absorbed in other things that it's simply not on their radar.

You have considered this matter and experienced it first-hand. With regard to the outcome, it is merely a by-product of the process, and it would be premature to draw any conclusions at this stage.

(2) Could I suggest that you clarify the gap between what you want and what you do, and make a more realistic plan for yourself?

From what I can see, the questioner has set the keywords as "personality traits," "self-acceptance," and "meaning of life."

From the perspective of a counselor, you have experienced a period of severe depression that lasted for a year and a half. Have you noticed any improvement in your condition?

It is not uncommon for people who are depressed to be self-critical.

It might be helpful to consider how our perceptions change when we are in a depressed mood, and how they differ from our perceptions when we are feeling more sober and rational.

In the event that depression persists, it may be helpful to consider paying sufficient attention and taking effective action, with the support of family, friends, and school.

(3) It may be helpful to find a balance between what you like, what you can do, and what is suitable for you.

It seems that the questioner has a preference for literature, movies, and writing. However, it's important to consider whether these interests align with a potential career path. While hobbies can be enjoyable and rewarding, they may not necessarily translate into a viable career.

If it is a hobby you enjoy, it can be a lifelong pursuit. It may even lead to other opportunities in your subsequent career.

It's important to remember that liking something doesn't necessarily mean you're able to do it. Even though you're in your third year of university and nearing graduation, there are still plenty of resources you can use.

It might be helpful to seek the advice of other students who are currently pursuing the same major, as well as that of professional teachers.

While a university major may not necessarily lead to a lifelong career, it is worth noting that a diploma is often more widely recognized by society and represents the graduate's learning ability in a particular field.

From a longer-term perspective, it might be helpful to consider whether our current interests and abilities are aligned with our long-term goals and potential for growth.

The questioner might also consider visiting the platform to explore tests similar to occupational personality assessments.

You may find it helpful to gain a deeper understanding of yourself, which could also assist you in developing a more positive and accepting relationship with yourself.

(4) It is important to remember that a career does not happen overnight, and neither does life.

I would like to offer a few more suggestions to the author. It is not necessarily the case that just graduating means that the first job is all there is.

The first job is often a time for learning and gaining experience. There can also be a noticeable difference between what is learned in books and what is learned on the job.

It is reasonable to suggest that learning at work while adjusting your direction, from employment to specialization, takes at least five years.

I would like to suggest that this is our university once again, except that we are not on campus.

If we consider the long-term implications, it becomes evident that the ultimate outcome for all of us is similar.

Perhaps the key distinction lies in the process itself. Have we truly lived each day to the fullest?

Perhaps we could ask ourselves whether we have cherished the people around us, our loved ones, and friends.

I hope we can take each step with confidence.

Let's support each other, the world, and each other's well-being.

As it transpired, I was overly preoccupied with the minutiae of my life. I needed to take a more proactive approach, foster closer relationships and pursue new experiences. It is not possible to achieve significant life changes in a short period of time. After two years of frantic activity, I had made no tangible progress and had even developed a mental illness.

I was overly analytical and underachieved. After reading a few books, I felt I was invincible; after watching a few movies, I thought I had grasped the essence of life.

I was in a state of self-blame. I was fearful when I started university, and my mind was full of thoughts about what to do in the future and how to get by. Later, I simply numbed myself by immersing myself in the virtual world all day, ignoring the outside world. As a result, I was unable to truly relax, and in the end, I gradually lost my way in a state of anxiety and indulgence. I caused concern for my whole family, and I also developed the problem of insomnia.

I recall the most significant challenges that impacted my life. One was the sudden aspiration to become an actor and writer during my freshman year. At that time, I had limited understanding of the world and spent my days watching a few poorly-made movies, equating art with life. I was indifferent about my dietary needs and housing situation, fixated on achieving something remarkable and leaving a legacy in history.

In hindsight, I recognize the naiveté of my thinking at the time. The pressure of high school led to burnout, insomnia, nightmares, and random thoughts. Coupled with the fact that I had never seen the world before, as I had come from a small city, I began to have second thoughts.

During the pandemic, I paid even less attention to the world around me. I spent all day watching art films and biographies, reading novels from the last century, and came to believe that I had a deep understanding of the world. As a result, I spent all day in a state of distress, afraid that I was missing out on life and that I would end up leading a mediocre life. I recognize now that this was an unproductive mindset.

I was perhaps overly optimistic and failed to recognize the realities of the situation. I was brimming with energy and had a strong desire to achieve a high level of success.

As a result, I was particularly weak. When I reflect on my decision to leave home, I recognize the potential consequences. I was distracted throughout the day, oscillating between the desire to be a model student and the urge to engage in various activities. In my second year of university, I was particularly influenced by the example of celebrity internet personalities, which led me to prioritize my appearance. This shift in focus led to a decline in my interest in studying. I often contemplated whether I might have become a celebrity if I hadn't pursued higher education.

At that time, I held negative sentiments towards my parents and family. I believed that had I pursued a different course of action, I would not be in my current position of part-time employment and fatigue.

At that time, I was experiencing a period of intense emotional instability. I was unable to grasp the fundamental concept of existence and the intrinsic link between life and reality. It was a challenging and frustrating period.

I was preoccupied with inconsequential matters, neglecting my studies and becoming despondent. It wasn't until the second half of last year that I suddenly realized the need to refocus. I had been struggling for three years, and I was on the verge of graduation, but I had not achieved anything tangible.

I have invested a significant amount of time in activities that have not yielded the desired results.

I resumed my primary line of work. I disregard the superficial and the self-important, and focus on getting the job done. Some people have an easier path, like the individual promoting bull penis soup, who is demonstrably less capable than I am, yet persists in pursuing that path.

After all the twists and turns, it has become evident that my family has not given up on me.

That concludes my remarks. I will now take any questions you may have.