Today is Mother's Day, but it feels like my mother habitually denies and belittles me. What should I do?

Dealing with your mother's communication issues, particularly her tendency to deny and belittle your actions, is undoubtedly a challenging and complex situation. However, we can approach this from a fresh perspective to gain new insights and solutions.

1. Understand your mother's background and experiences.

We must recognize that there are underlying reasons behind everyone's behavior. Your mother may not have intentionally denied you, but it is the result of a complex interplay of factors, including her upbringing, family environment, and personality traits.

It's likely that she was treated similarly when she was young, which has led her to unconsciously adopt this seemingly negative approach when expressing her care and love.

Knowing your mother's background and experiences doesn't mean you have to excuse her behavior. It does, however, help you view things more objectively and reduce emotional reactions. At the same time, it allows you to be more sympathetic and understanding towards your mother, which is the first step to improving the relationship.

2. You can recognize the positive intention behind the negativity.

When we look at our mothers' negative behaviors from a new perspective, we can often find positive intentions hidden within. For example, she may be reminding you to pay attention to certain problems and avoid making the same mistakes, or she may be motivating you to work harder and pursue higher goals.

We must not accept our mothers' negativity unconditionally. We must learn to filter out the valuable parts and respond in a more positive way. For example, when she says, "I have given up hope that you will get into graduate school," we understand that she is reminding you to study harder for the exam, not that she has lost confidence in you.

3. Set up an effective communication model.

Once we understand our mother's background and intentions, we can establish a more effective communication model. This includes:

1. Know what you want to achieve before you communicate with your mother. Do you want her to understand how you feel?

If you want her to change a certain behavior, you need to clarify your goal. This will help you communicate more effectively.

2. Choose the right time and approach. When communicating with your mother, choose a time when she is in a better mood and more relaxed, and take the initiative to be more gentle. For example, you can chat with her while taking a walk after dinner, or express your thoughts by writing a letter or sending an email.

3. Use "I" statements. When expressing your thoughts and feelings, use "I" statements instead of accusations and attacks. For example, "I feel hurt when you say I'm not good enough" is a way to express your feelings that is more likely to be understood by the other person.

4. Seek consensus: In the process of communication, you must reach a consensus with your mother and find a solution that is acceptable to both parties. This may require some compromise and concessions, but in the long run, it will help improve your relationship.

4. Develop self-awareness and emotional regulation skills.

In addition to improving communication with our mothers, we must also focus on our inner growth. This includes:

1. Cultivate self-awareness. Know your strengths and weaknesses, and establish a correct self-worth. Don't rely on others to define you. Believe in your ability to achieve your goals and dreams.

2. Learn to regulate your emotions. When faced with your mother's negativity and belittling, take control by releasing negative emotions through sports, meditation, keeping a diary, etc. Do this to maintain inner peace and stability.

3. Get help from others: Tell your friends, classmates, or a counselor what's going on. They can give you advice and support. You can also take a self-development course or do something to improve your overall quality and ability.

We must be patient and determined when dealing with communication difficulties with our mothers. We can gradually improve our relationships with our mothers and establish a healthier and more harmonious family atmosphere by understanding our mothers' backgrounds and experiences, identifying the positive intentions behind their negativity, establishing effective communication models, and cultivating self-awareness and emotional regulation skills.

This process also makes us stronger and more confident when facing difficulties and challenges.

Hello, questioner! I can see that you're experiencing a lot of inner conflict and confusion right now.

Mother's Day is a day to celebrate motherly love and express gratitude. However, today you have conflicts and problems with your mother. This psychological gap and conflict makes you feel uneasy and confused, and you even begin to question your relationship with your mother.

First of all, I want you to know that you are not alone and that your feelings are real and deserve respect.

From your description, it's clear that you and your mother used to have a close relationship. However, recently you've noticed a pattern of negation and belittlement from her. This has caused you confusion and hurt, as you previously believed she was the most understanding and accepting of you.

However, human relationships are complex and subtle, and we must consider this issue from multiple perspectives.

First, we must understand her behavior from her perspective. She did not intend to reject you, but her communication style and habits led you to believe otherwise.

She likely believes her words are driven by love and concern for you and that she wants you to become a better person. However, her communication style makes you feel rejected and invalidated.

Describe your feelings more specifically and let your mother understand how her behavior has affected you.

At the same time, we can also look at this issue from our own perspective. Your lack of self-confidence and insecurity is likely related to your mother's negative behavior, but it may also be related to your personal experiences, character traits, and many other factors.

Look back on your own upbringing and think about how these feelings developed. You will discover some needs and desires that have been hidden deep down.

Psychology calls this the "mirror self," which is how we understand ourselves through the feedback and evaluation of others. When we receive negative feedback, it's easy to develop self-doubt and negativity.

You are an independent and complete individual with your own value and merits. This feedback does not represent the whole of you. You can enhance your self-confidence and sense of security through positive self-affirmation.

Now, let's get back to your question. You said you don't want to ask your mother to change her habits. So let's start by changing ourselves.

First, adjust your mindset and expectations. Your mother is an independent individual, and her actions and thoughts are her own choices.

You can't change her, but you can choose how to respond to her behavior. Stop expecting positive feedback from your mother. This will help you view her behavior more objectively and reduce internal conflict and contradiction.

Second, you can communicate more effectively with your mother. When you feel rejected and belittled, don't argue or fight back. Calm down first and think about how to express your feelings and needs more specifically.

Express your feelings using "I" statements. For example, say, "Mum, I feel hurt and upset when you say things like that about me." This way, you can convey your feelings without making accusations or attacking the other person.

I strongly recommend that you seek professional psychological counseling. A professional counselor can help you gain a deeper understanding of your inner needs and troubles and provide specific solutions and techniques.

They can also help you establish healthier and more positive communication and interpersonal relationships.

You are not alone, and your feelings are real and deserve respect. In the face of your mother's denial and belittlement, you have the power to adjust your mindset and expectations, communicate more effectively with your mother, and seek professional psychological counseling.

Believe in yourself! You will find your own happiness and confidence.

Hello!

The mother-daughter relationship is often very complicated, with a lot of "love-hate conflict" mixed in. It's like you and your mother: sometimes you feel close and can talk about anything.

Sometimes, there are also a lot of conflicts, and you feel rejected, angry, and sad.

Examine what needs you project onto others in relationships.

The mother-daughter relationship is often so complicated and fraught because of the high degree of interdependence we have with our mothers. We long for unconditional love, acceptance, security, and attachment from our mothers.

We project all of our deepest and most vulnerable inner longings onto our mothers.

We project our most vulnerable desires, which we did not receive from our mothers, onto our friends and lovers. We stubbornly hope to receive from our mothers, or from our friends, lovers, or even our children, what we were unable to receive from our mothers in the first place.

The reality is that mothers are often unable to do so. Mothers also have a lot of fears and traumas, and they are unable to give enough acceptance and love.

But we will persist, longing for unconditional acceptance from our mothers. We ignore the hurt our mothers have caused us, suppress our feelings, and try to please our mothers in every way. We cater to our mothers, meet their expectations, and try to gain the acceptance and love we did not receive at the beginning of our lives by changing ourselves.

This process is full of repression and frustration.

Your relationship with your mother is both close and conflicted. At some level, your relationship with your mother is still as close as it was when you were a child.

You still place all your childhood longings and needs for love, acceptance, and security on your mother. But let's be real: your mother has never been able to meet your longings and has caused you a lot of disappointment and hurt.

The intimacy you share with your mother may be a kind of "conspiracy" between you. By maintaining this intimacy, you can ignore the many disappointing and hurtful moments in the relationship.

When you experience a lot of insecurity with your friends, you will inevitably face many conflict moments with your mother. The relationship with your mother often reveals another side of you that you have ignored and suppressed.

You must let go of your expectations of your mother's perfection from the bottom of your heart. You must also grow out of your attachment to your mother and become a more independent self.

Your expectations of the perfect mother bind you together and create more "love-hate relationships" with each other. Don't put all your inner needs on one person—it's too heavy.

Mom can't handle it, and neither can your friends.

Be aware of your projections, return to your true self, and experience more authentic interactions.

As an adult, you know your mother isn't perfect, but you still love and appreciate her. And you should enjoy intimacy when you can.

When you feel uncomfortable, you can express your feelings to your mother peacefully. You don't need your mother to respond to you or meet your needs according to your demands.

As you said, your mother is getting old, and it may be difficult for her to change. This requires you to perceive and realize that that longing within you actually comes from the little girl in you, longing to be cared for and accepted by your mother. You must acknowledge this longing and accept it as part of your identity.

Your mother was unable to respond to you at that time, and now she is also unable to respond to your hurt feelings. Seeing this truth, you will change. You will see yourself as the little girl and as your adult self. You will feel differently in your heart.

You will have to let go and become more independent, and you will grow as a result.

This process will require you to break away from your close relationship with your mother and return to yourself. It is like leaving your mother from the inside.

This process will undoubtedly bring about a lot of identity crises. The parts of your mother that you have completely identified with or "glorified" will fall away, and you will increasingly see a more realistic picture of your mother.

You will experience more anger and sadness about the hurt your mother has caused you.

At the same time, you will see that these are all parts of the past. Looking back at these parts is just to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and start a new life.

You must not grasp these parts and continue to entangle with your mother.

You will gain a deeper understanding of your relationship with your mother during this process of integration. You will become more independent and then connect with your mother in a new way as a more mature you. At that time, there will be a new relationship model.

You will gain a deeper understanding of your relationship with your mother. You will become more independent and then connect with your mother in a new way as a more mature you. The parts that obey, cater to, and long for your mother will decrease.

You are becoming a powerful adult, interacting with your mother in a real and equal way as a woman. You are establishing boundaries, developing strength, and gaining understanding and love.

I'm sure it helps. I'm listening, therapist Xu Yanlian. Feel free to chat.

Wishing you the best.

Greetings, My name is June Lai Feng.

I empathize with your situation. It can be a perplexing and unsettling realization when one recognizes the influence that a mother's negativity and disparaging remarks may have had on their emotional development.

From a psychological perspective, the situation you describe involves the emotional communication and interaction patterns of individuals in their family environment. The experience of constant rejection and belittlement by family members, particularly by one's mother, can have a detrimental impact on one's self-identity, self-confidence, and emotional security.

First, the pattern of intimacy and closeness established during early childhood, coupled with the relationship of complete openness, has led to the perception of the mother as a significant other who comprehends and offers support. This perception has a certain inertia, which is why the mother's habitual negation and belittlement of the daughter was not initially noticed.

Secondly, upon the counselor's prompting regarding the influence of the original family, the subject began to re-examine their interactions with their mother and discovered previously overlooked details that reflected a growth and awakening of self-awareness.

Third, our perception of things is often influenced by our own cognitive biases. It is possible that your mother's negative and disparaging comments reflect her own feelings of unease, anxiety, or other emotions, and are not necessarily a true reflection of you.

It is possible that she is unaware of the impact her comments have on you.

In the event that one's mother habitually belittles them, there are a number of potential courses of action that may be pursued.

First, it is important to recognize that this habitual negation and belittlement is not a personal failing and should not be internalized as a burden. Despite the lack of intent to cause harm, this communication style can still result in emotional distress.

Secondly, it is recommended that you attempt to communicate openly and honestly with your mother in order to express your feelings and needs. It would be advisable to choose an appropriate time and place to calmly and rationally explain to your mother how you feel about her habitual negative comments and put-downs, and how they affect your self-identity and self-confidence.

Concurrently, it would be beneficial to communicate to your mother your desire for her to provide greater support and affirmation. During the course of communication, it is imperative to maintain composure and logical reasoning, and to refrain from emotional displays or accusations.

Concurrently, it is important to respect your mother's feelings and position, while also acknowledging her limitations and difficulties.

Once more, it is important to reiterate your needs, establish clear boundaries, and explicitly communicate to your mother that you desire more encouragement, support, and recognition, as opposed to negation and belittling. In the event that your mother is unable to alter her behavior in the immediate future, it is crucial to let her know your boundaries by expressing your displeasure in a calm but assertive manner when she repeats similar actions.

The emotional security and self-confidence of an individual are typically derived from the quality of their relationship with their mother. When the relationship is characterised by negativity and put-downs, it can have a detrimental impact on the emotional security and self-confidence of the individual.

Nevertheless, awareness of this can facilitate the pursuit of alternative sources of support and the establishment of a more robust emotional connection.

The next step is to develop a sense of self-identity and self-confidence. While a mother's negativity and put-downs may have an impact on a child, there are ways to enhance self-confidence and self-esteem. These include self-affirmation, positive thinking, and engaging in activities that align with one's interests and hobbies.

It is important to note that one's value is not contingent upon the opinions of others; rather, it is a subjective perception and affirmation of the self that matters most.

Additionally, one can learn techniques for coping with negativity and put-downs, such as positive self-talk, emotion management, and psychological adjustment. These techniques can assist in better coping with one's mother's comments and reducing the negative impact on oneself.

Meanwhile, it is important to allow your mother the necessary time and space to adjust her behavior and gain a deeper understanding of your feelings. It is essential to be patient while she goes through this process.

It is of the utmost importance to prioritize self-care and to cultivate a sense of self-worth and capability. It is crucial to resist the influence of one's mother's negativity and put-downs on one's self-confidence and happiness.

Concurrently, it is imperative to maintain respect and understanding for one's mother and endeavor to establish a healthy and positive communication model.

I extend my warmest regards to you and wish you a life filled with joy and contentment.

If I might humbly offer my perspective, I believe that people are complex beings, shaped by a multitude of contradictions and limitations. Our minds are prone to conflicting ideas and our abilities are constrained by our natural inclinations. Consequently, we often perceive the world through a subjective lens, influenced by our habits and biases without realizing it.

You say that your relationship with your mother is very close and healthy. However, a hypothetical question or a possible observation seems to have found a lot of evidence, and the conclusion seems obvious and certain. It would be helpful to consider whether such a conclusion is contradictory to your real-life feelings and inner emotional relationship. If the emotional state of being worried and anxious is a direct copy of the parent-child relationship, it's possible that "family members not accepting you" may not fully explain the evaluation of the relationship as "very close and healthy." It's also worth exploring how "closeness and health" can exist alongside "non-acceptance."

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider all the evidence from a variety of perspectives. For instance, we could look at it from the angles of wholeness, attention, and personal development stages. This might allow us to gather evidence in a more objective and comprehensive manner.

The concept of wholeness suggests that when evaluating a relationship, there is no need for concrete evidence. Intuitive feelings and experiences can be valuable indicators, especially in the context of family and close relationships. It's important to be mindful when making assertions in the presence of tension and conflict. Harmony and rapport can be achieved with a sense of inner peace. The affection between family members and parents is often a natural aspect of human nature.

Ultimately, if you feel it's good, then it is good. This is the ultimate standard and goal for measurement and judgment. While specific events or individual cases may provide valuable insight, they are not sufficient to overturn or negate such a holistic conclusion.

It is understandable that family members who spend a lot of time together will have different perspectives and opinions. Given the numerous complex and intersecting events that occur in any family, it is inevitable that there will be instances of negativity and belittlement. People often feel strongly when they perceive negativity or differences. It is as if the sea is boundless, with waves constantly splashing, attracting our attention. When we deliberately look for them, it seems that the waves are everywhere, and we tend to ignore the larger calm surface of the sea, focusing instead on the main body and essence of the sea that lies beneath the surface.

Perhaps the question could be rephrased to include positive and supportive things, or things that are not negative or belittling. This could also include things that are not commented on, things that are accepted, and there should be countless answers. These are the majority of life and getting along with others, and they are the tone and true colors.

It is understandable that some of your mother's words were negative, such as "I can't stand it" and "you won't pass the exam." At the same time, there were also suggestions like "you need to memorize for the exam," jokes like "a good spanking will do," complaints like "you never stick to anything," and hopes. Whether they were negative or not, they were not completely negative; otherwise, why would she keep saying them? This may also be due to the factors of the stage of growth. Some words that can be attributed to "negatives" when you are a child may not be felt or taken seriously after a period of time.

Or it could be a matter of habit, toughness, or the ability to respond from another perspective. In short, it's not so easy to be shaken or defeated, and this is a common phenomenon.

It seems that you have benefited a great deal from the close and healthy relationship you have with your mother. Your willingness to accept her as she is, without expecting her to change, has set you up for success. You are ready to invest in and work on the relationship, rather than trying to change her. Perhaps this is something that has been nurtured and influenced by a good family relationship. You have developed a greater sense of emotional intelligence. As for being worried about gains and losses, you can perhaps look for and improve in other areas.

I hope you find happiness in your endeavors.

Hello! You've realized that your mother's habitual denial and belittling may have affected your sense of security and self-confidence, but you think she does it unconsciously, which is great because it means you can work on it together!

When you brought up the fact that your mother often rejects you, she reacted very anxiously and strongly. This is a great opportunity for you to understand your mother better! It seems that your mother is very afraid of being rejected, and she seems to take your feedback as a kind of rejection. Therefore, one possibility is that your mother often projects her own rejection/fear of rejection onto you.

You also mentioned the incident where the kitten was crushed to death. Your mother said she was sad to hear about it, but instead of expressing her true emotions at the time, she expressed dissatisfaction with you sharing the incident. This may reflect that your mother is avoiding dealing with negative emotions and repressing her own emotions. Of course, analyzing your mother based on just two examples may not be accurate. This is just one perspective to understand her.

Psychologically speaking, our behavior patterns in interpersonal relationships (including parent-child relationships) often reflect some internal personal issues. This is something we can work on together to make positive changes!

You've always had a great relationship with your mother, where you can talk about anything. Recently, you've been exploring this in psychological counseling, and you've started thinking about whether there are parts of your relationship that you find challenging to accept. This is a great way of thinking! Family relationships do have a big influence on us, and the fact that you haven't noticed it before may also be a kind of repression because you don't want to damage your close relationship with your mother.

But a truly healthy relationship is based on being true to oneself. And the great news is that having differences and conflicts does not necessarily mean that the relationship will be destroyed. On the contrary, if these differences can be faced honestly, resolved, or lived with, it can make the relationship more mature!

There are so many ways you can express your thoughts and needs! For example, you can say, "Mum, I love chatting with you the most. If you can give me more affirmation and encouragement, I will be more confident."

Absolutely! You can also give your mother emotional support by listening to her experiences and feelings while chatting with her. This is a great way to show her that you've grown up and that you deserve to be treated like an adult with self-awareness.

You're absolutely right! Your mother's habits have been formed over many years and are not easy to change. But now that you are aware of your own needs, you can selectively take in her messages, mentally compartmentalize derogatory comments, and rebuild your own understanding of yourself. You don't have to agree with her, but you can choose to focus on the positive messages she sends your way!

Hopefully, my answer can be of some help to you.

I actually think that in real life, there aren't many mothers who can be as accepting as a counselor. That's because a mother is a mother, a real person. I'm also a mother, and I'm also a counselor. When I'm counseling, I can accept the client unconditionally. But when I'm back to being a mother, I can't always accept my child unconditionally.

A mother rejecting her child isn't really a sign of dislike or disapproval. From my own experience and what I've learned, what's really going on is that the mother is actually more concerned and worried. It's just that they don't know how to express this concern and worry in a way that we would prefer. I also practiced for a long time before I could change from blaming my child to calming myself down when I was about to lose my temper, then picking up the child's emotions and expressing my true feelings and needs to him. And most people who haven't received professional training basically learn from their mothers how to treat their children because they feel that this is love, and their mothers loved them this way, and they have indeed grown up.

As you mentioned, if your mother isn't ready to change or doesn't realize she needs to, it can be tough for her to make that shift. If you're looking to shift your own mindset and avoid constant arguing, my advice is:

It's important to accept and understand your mother. She's a real person with good and bad parts, but her love for you is unconditional.

As I mentioned, every parent has good and bad qualities. Some parents are great at meeting their kids' needs, while others are not so good at it. This is normal. My mom and your mom are very passionate and have a short temper, but I've also shared with her a lot of things I've seen and heard at school or around me since I was young. She knows almost all my good friends from elementary school to high school. When she's upset, she gets very intense. When she sees me crying, she'll scold me for crying and will also point out my various shortcomings...

After studying psychology, I realized that when she's in a bad mood, she scolds me not because I'm doing something wrong, but because she's in a bad mood. Sometimes, when she scolds me, it's because she cares about me and worries about me at the same time, and she can only express her worry (care) in this way. When I see the love behind her negativity, I understand that she just wants me to be better. Now, I'll go to comfort her, see her worries, and relieve her distress, so that she can feel that I won't be in the situation she's worried about, and her emotions will also calm down a lot.

For instance, if your mother says, "I don't have high hopes for you getting into graduate school" or "I'm proud of you for being able to stick with something," try to see it from her perspective. What she really means is: "I hope you can get into graduate school, but I'm a little worried. I want to motivate you to do your best in this way; I hope you can keep doing what you want to do..."

You can ignore her way of expressing herself just like I did and see that she cares about and is concerned about herself. This will help you experience more of your mother's love.

2. The kind of unconditional acceptance, sense of security, and self-confidence you want may be really difficult for your mother to give you, but someone else can. And most importantly, you can give it to yourself. To achieve ultimate self-confidence, we need to grow our own strength from within, rather than relying on our mother's approval.

Our mother, who also didn't get unconditional acceptance as a child, grew up being rejected in the same way. It's tough for her to treat us the way we expect, and it's tough for us to get what we want from her. But we can go to the right people to get it, like your psychologist, or join a support group or find friends who can accept you unconditionally. Only these specific people can give us such acceptance, which also has great healing power. Because of the unconditional acceptance, sense of security and trust they give you, you can internalize it and accept, feel secure and trust yourself. In fact, our ultimate goal is to form such an "ideal mother" within ourselves, to be able to establish a stable and constant object, that is, to grow strength from within, learn to unconditionally accept ourselves, and give ourselves a sense of security and trust.

So, you need to learn to be your own "mother." When your mother denies you, think about how your ideal mother would treat you and what kind of comfort, support, and care she would give you. Then, treat yourself that way, rather than expecting your real mother to change. When your inner world really becomes more stable, you'll find that your mother's denial of you won't make you so emotionally volatile because you won't completely rely on her evaluation of you to measure yourself. You've taken the right to evaluate and define yourself back into your own hands. It does require a lot of practice, but you'll get better with time!

I suggest you read Reconciliation with Life, The Power of Self-Care, and The Miracle of Self-Affirmation.

You can find more information here. Best regards,

Hello, questioner! I can see the confusion you are facing now, but I'm here to help! Hugs to you!

Your mother, why does she always want to put you down?

This may be related to her own family of origin, which is a great place to start!

It's even possible that when she was growing up, her parents treated her in the way described above!

So, in the long run, in such an environment, she may not know that attacking others is not a good way to communicate – but she will learn!

There's a great saying in psychology: we cannot give to others what we do not have.

Your mother doesn't mean to hurt you when she speaks. She is also influenced by her own family of origin, but you can help her!

Your mother is also your first mother, which means she has her own limitations and things she can work on.

And you're here today, asking a question, which shows you're ready and willing to change!

There's a wonderful saying in psychology: "Seeing is healing."

Self-awareness is often the first step on the road to healing!

The next time your mother speaks to you and says something discouraging, you can choose not to argue with her!

Once you see the difficulties of her original family and understand the reason behind her constant criticism of you, you'll be amazed at how much better you understand her!

If you understand her, you'll see that some of her habits are unchangeable. But that's okay! She's been acquiring them for most of her life, and you can still love her just the way she is.

You can't change her, but you can choose to accept her personality! That'll make your relationship with her go more smoothly. What do you say?

I'm really hopeful that you'll find a solution to your problem soon!

Now, all I can think of is the above!

I really hope my answer is helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner! I'm the answerer, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you! Best wishes!

I'm so excited to see what happens next!

I have carefully considered your question and extend to you my sincerest support and encouragement.

You indicate that you and your mother have historically enjoyed a positive relationship, with no significant issues. However, following a remark from the counselor, you have begun to hypothesize that your lack of confidence may be linked to your mother's proclivity for negation.

Subsequently, a divergence of opinions emerged between the two parties. Is that accurate?

There are numerous potential causes for feelings of insecurity and low confidence. In the absence of identifiable factors, individuals may tend to attribute these emotions to external sources, such as their mother. This can lead to a process of searching for reasons to justify these feelings and identifying shortcomings in the mother-child relationship.

It may also be a means of circumventing or evading the apprehension associated with one's personal challenges.

It is unclear from the original text whether the reader is a minor or an adult. However, if the reader is an adult, it would be beneficial to attempt to form friendships with individuals of a similar age. It is important to note that the relationship between a mother and daughter is inherently hierarchical, and it is not always possible to interact with one's mother in the same way one would with a best friend.

Treating her as an elder will mitigate the potential for conflict.

Secondly, the subject indicated that while her mother habitually belittles her, she understands that this is not done intentionally. This demonstrates an awareness of the mother's affection and an understanding that her actions are not intended to cause distress.

In such a case, it may be advisable to cultivate a broader social network comprising individuals with whom one can more readily engage in open communication. This could include peers, individuals with shared experiences, and those who espouse similar worldviews. It may be more conducive to emotional well-being to confide in and share one's experiences with such individuals.

Thirdly, you indicate that you are apprehensive about forming friendships and that you have even sought psychological counseling for this reason. This may be the most significant issue you are facing.

It is advised that an appropriate psychological counselor be consulted in order to ascertain the root of the problem.

Fourth, if feasible, endeavor to comprehend your mother's perspective, disengage from your emotional response, and examine the issue from her vantage point.

I wish you the best of success in your endeavors.

Hello, I'll hug you.

You thought your mother was close to you, but now you realize she has been denying and belittling you. You can't find evidence of her support.

If you can live a happy, balanced life, you don't need counseling.

Disharmony causes psychological problems. This means having two conflicting thoughts at the same time that can't be reconciled. We all have conflicting thoughts. For example, we want to lose weight, but we can't control our appetite.

Some people may think, "Why not just eat and worry about losing weight later?"

Some people will attack themselves and think they can't resist temptation. This kind of thinking will come.

A balanced state is not always the best, but it is more stable. Once this balance is broken, you see your mother's denial and belittlement, which affects your emotional behavior.

We need to reestablish balance, which is a process of change. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

A few years ago, the idea of the perfect family was popular. Some people thought their families were happy, but after reading books and comparing experiences, they realized their parents were not perfect. They now blame their parents for their own problems. Conflicts with parents have gotten worse, and they say their parents did not educate them well. This makes them feel like their parents are responsible for their lives. As a result, the family relationship has gotten very bad. Parents even shout, "Give me back my child!"

It's good to be awakened, but what happens next? Some people can't accept the truth, so they collapse. Family education has gone to the other extreme, with parents afraid to say or do anything to their children.

That's a stretch.

You can grow from this. You don't know how to change.

Let me share my views.

First, talk to your counselor. You are in counseling at school. The counselor helped you realize your mother often denies and belittles you, which affects your emotions.

Talk to your psychologist about this. They can help you adjust your perception and heal the trauma.

Second, look at your mother's words and deeds differently. You said your mother belittles you, but not on purpose.

Your mother is good at chatting but bad at encouraging. You love her even though she has a bad influence on you.

Most parents born in the 60s and 70s discourage their children because that is how they were brought up. They did not receive encouragement and recognition from their parents when they were young, and their parents also discouraged them in the same way. They hope to stimulate their children's fighting spirit through suppressive education.

Encouragement and praise won't do. It will make the child proud and arrogant.

They shouldn't encourage their children.

You said your mother doesn't mean to. I think she criticizes you, your brother, and other family members too.

She doesn't mean it. She wants what's best for you. When you say she rejects you, she feels treated badly.

She'll be upset when she hears this.

But your mother might praise you in front of others to make her look good. She'll never tell you this because she's afraid you'll become proud. In China, people say that their children are "my son," their daughters are "my daughter," and their wives are "my wife." They call themselves "unworthy" or "foolish."

When talking about other families, you can say things like "my son," "my nephew," "my daughter," "my father," or "my brother." It's bad to praise yourself, but it's good to praise others.

Even the emperor called himself "I." Modesty is a Chinese virtue.

You can listen to how other parents comment on their children in front of outsiders. They will usually be modest while showing off a bit. For example, if your child is very good at school and has been admitted to a good university, the parents will probably say, "Not at all, just so-so."

If you understand your mother's words and deeds in the context of her upbringing, you will change your attitude.

Don't expect your mother to change, but enjoy her good points. If she criticizes, it's because she wants you to improve and doesn't want you to become too proud.

She loves you. Ignore her hurtful words and listen to her caring words.

If your mother can talk to you, talk to her. If not, ignore it.

Talk to your counselor.

I'm a counselor who is Buddhist and sometimes depressed. I love the world.

Dear question asker,

First, I'd like to offer you a warm hug. It can be quite challenging to have someone in your life who consistently denies your feelings. When you're in this situation, it's natural to feel a range of emotions, so I'm here to support you with a hug.

Secondly, I commend you for seeking psychological counseling. It has helped you realize that your lack of confidence and insecurity may be related to your mother's habitual negativity.

Rather than blaming and resenting your mother and trying to make her change, you have chosen to show respect, understanding, and tolerance for her. You have made the admirable decision to adjust your own state of mind in order to boost your confidence and sense of security, and to ease your relationship with your mother. This shows that you are more mature than many people, and I applaud you for it.

I believe that being seen is the first step towards healing. You have already taken this step, which is an important first step on the road to healing.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the following:

Perhaps we could discuss some ways you could move forward?

Ultimately, a sense of security and self-confidence stems from a strong inner resolve. How might one adjust their mindset to become stronger? Here are a few suggestions for your consideration:

First, it would be wise to try to avoid taking the negativity thrown at you by your mother too personally. As you said, you don't want to change your mother's habits, and there's really nothing we can do to change other people.

Firstly, it would be wise to try to avoid internalising the negativity that your mother directs towards you. As you rightly observed, it is not realistic to expect that we can change other people's habits.

It is possible to choose not to accept our mother's negative comments, so that her negativity does not stir up any emotions inside us and leave no trace. We can remind ourselves that our mother's negativity towards us is not necessarily a reflection of our own worth, but rather a result of her own experiences and a tendency to be negative towards others.

It's possible that her negativity is related to her own family of origin and her experiences. Many mothers deal with similar issues, and it's not always easy to change or solve them all at once. It's also worth considering that her negativity may not really be directed at you.

Secondly, it may be helpful to consider the practice of self-affirmation, which can serve to strengthen one's inner resolve.

Secondly, it may be helpful to consider the practice of self-affirmation. This can be a useful way to give yourself gentle encouragement and support, helping to foster a sense of inner strength.

You might find it helpful to keep an achievement diary. This could be a way of writing down things you have done since you were a child that you are proud of, that show your excellence, and that have been appreciated and praised. You don't need to write about earth-shattering events; things like getting a good grade in an exam, writing better than other students, or getting along better with your mother could be examples. An achievement diary could help you see your own excellence.

You might also consider punching a time card every day and writing in a diary. You could persist in giving yourself positive psychological suggestions, telling yourself, "I am great, I am excellent, I am worthy of being recognized, appreciated, encouraged, and praised."

Third, consider encouraging and affirming yourself as your best friend. Reflect on how you would encourage your best friend if she were in a similar situation and how you could help her find confidence and security.

Third, consider encouraging and affirming yourself as your best friend. Reflect on how you would encourage your best friend if she were in a similar situation and how you could help her find confidence and security.

Perhaps you could treat yourself as this best friend, care about her sincerely, and tell her, "You are really great and excellent. You are no longer the weak child who knew nothing before. You have grown up and become capable. You have enough ability and strength to give yourself a sense of security."

I hope these suggestions are helpful for you. I am a listening therapist, Ruoyu, and I want to say that I love you and the world.

Your mother may not realize she's focused on herself. She may not see your everyday life. This is because you trust her.

Your happiness, sadness, hopes, and doubts are the bond between you and her. It's a little house where you snuggle up together, protecting against the coldness of the outside world.

Maybe mom had a bad experience, or the environment is not friendly, or she is not feeling well. Mom has built a protective shell to protect herself while blocking the outside world's feelings. She even stabs you when you try to approach.

Your mother has not told you or your brother about her worries. She thinks you are still young and need to defend yourself against the pressures of the outside world. Your instinctive self-protection makes her impatient with people and angry when she is disturbed.

This is not your fault. Mothers usually care for and love their children. When they feel overwhelmed, they seek strength from their family. The partner usually provides support. If the partner is unable to cope, it may affect the children. When your mother is in a difficult situation, you can take care of yourself. When she is in a bad mood, tell yourself that you are not taking on her negative emotions and pressure. You can also tell your father, grandmother, or other relatives about your mother's recent state and difficulties. The care of those around you will help reduce your mother's stress.