Unable to communicate, how to cope with low-empathetic parents?

Hello, I'm Duo Duo, and I'm here to help!

I'm really sorry to have to tell you that your parents have been hurting you, whether they meant to or not.

It's only natural to care, and your parents unfortunately reveal your trauma to just about anyone, which can lead to further harm in the form of all kinds of possible judgments.

It's totally understandable that you can't accept it, let alone tolerate it.

It's totally understandable that communication isn't an option for you right now. It can be really hard to talk to your parents about these things, especially when they might not understand or accept what you're going through. It's okay to feel like you have to appear calm and collected, even when you're really struggling.

I know you mentioned that you are introverted, so I totally get that my suggestions might be a little difficult for you. But I really believe that the accumulation of negative emotions (anger) can provide some help (strength) for your actions.

It's so important for you to draw a clear line with your parents and those who are not important to you.

It doesn't matter how "hysterical" you feel, it's important to let them see your emotions.

I know it can be tough, but silence and rational communication might not be the way to go. Sometimes, it's okay to let your emotions take over. Irrational behavior might be the key to getting the change you're looking for.

If you try this and your parents still reject you, you can let out your anger in a way that's not hurtful to them. You can either say it or do it. I know it might sound extreme, but you don't have to show your parents how upset you are, right?

It's okay to feel angry or resentful towards your parents, even if it doesn't feel healthy. It's important to let them know how you feel, so you can work through these negative experiences together.

"I know you care about me, but I think you should care more about your own life."

It's okay to feel depressed or anxious. You're not alone. You can start by doing something "not very positive" as a start.

I know this might seem a bit out there, but if you can resist acting irrationally, that's great!

Greetings!

It can be challenging to interact with parents who exhibit low emotional intelligence and are unable to communicate effectively.

However, familial relationships are often complex and subject to change. Establishing healthy communication within such a context requires a significant investment of time and effort.

In light of the aforementioned considerations, the following recommendations are offered for your consideration:

It is recommended that patience and understanding be exercised above all else.

Although parents may lack high emotional intelligence or effective communication skills, you perceive them as "people who are unable to defend their family and unwilling to engage in debate."

Nevertheless, it is advisable to exercise patience and to recognize that they may be unable to articulate themselves effectively or to comprehend your emotional state for a multitude of reasons.

One can attempt to empathize with one's parents by imagining oneself in their position and contemplating their emotional state. The underlying causes of their words and actions may align with the hypothesis that they possess only a limited capacity for emotional intelligence.

Secondly, it is advisable to articulate one's thoughts and feelings in a clear and forthright manner.

One cannot simply remain in a state of profound distress and refrain from communication on the grounds that communication is not a viable option within the familial context.

One should not refrain from expressing oneself merely because communication is challenging. It is also advisable to avoid ambiguous or suggestive expressions and to ensure that one's parents can readily comprehend one's thoughts.

In light of the ability to express oneself, it is recommended to endeavor to identify common ground and shared interests with one's parents.

For example, focusing on the starting point of "my introversion, my autism, and my severe depression and anxiety a few years ago" facilitates the establishment of connections and the strengthening of communication by identifying common ground.

Once more, on the foundation of one's capacity to articulate oneself and identify shared interests, it is vital to listen attentively to one's parents' opinions and perspectives, while striving to demonstrate respect for their position to the greatest extent possible.

This is due to the fact that parents must address and resolve their own personal issues.

In the event that one's own perception of the opinions expressed by one's parents is that they are problematic, it is nevertheless recommended that one attempts to communicate with them in a respectful and understanding manner.

It is advisable to refrain from excessive intervention or blame directed at one's parents. Instead, it is important to respect their independence and dignity.

In the event that modifying one's parents' behavior or attitude is unfeasible, an alternative is to disengage, accept the situation, and prioritize one's personal growth and well-being.

Should circumstances evolve in a way that the words or actions of one's parents continue to impact one's mental health or personal life, it is important to establish clear boundaries.

It is imperative to articulate your needs and boundaries with conviction and insistence on their maintenance.

In conclusion, if an individual feels that they are unable to cope with a situation independently, it is advised that they seek external assistance.

It is not uncommon for individuals to encounter comparable difficulties. However, maintaining a positive outlook and seeking external assistance can facilitate the resolution of these challenges. Potential sources of support include friends, family members, community organizations, or online support groups.

Disclosing one's emotions and concerns to others can facilitate the acquisition of additional support and comprehension.

Nevertheless, should these adverse circumstances, such as feelings of devastation and resentment, persist for an extended period, it is advised that one seeks the counsel of a psychologist in a timely manner.

In particular, in the case of "withdrawal" and "severe depression and anxiety," they will be able to provide more professional and specific assistance and support.

It is my hope that the aforementioned information will prove to be of some assistance to you.

I sense a great deal of frustration, depression, powerlessness, and helplessness in the questioner's heart. When parents are so unyielding and unable to communicate, it can feel as though there is little that can be done. However, I wonder if I might ask two questions. Are the parents completely unable to communicate with the questioner, or are they completely unable to communicate with anyone? Or is the questioner completely unable to communicate with their parents, or are they unable to communicate with anyone?

If the parents are only unable to communicate with the questioner, but can communicate with people other than the questioner, it suggests that they still have the ability to communicate. It implies that they are not completely unable to communicate, but just unable to communicate with the questioner. The opposite is also true. If the questioner can communicate well with people other than the parents, but is completely unable to communicate with the parents, it suggests that the questioner also has the ability to communicate. It implies that they are not completely unable to communicate.

If that is the case, it may be helpful to consider that there are obstacles between the questioner and their parents that affect communication between them that have not yet been discovered and removed by both parties.

Effective communication requires corresponding conditions, such as reasonable methods, mutual respect, trust, understanding, acceptance, etc. These are the general aspects. Smaller aspects include speaking clearly and directly, avoiding immediate accusations, expressing feelings, views, and thoughts calmly and respectfully, and seeking solutions that involve mutual cooperation.

The day before yesterday, a mother came to me for help, also because she was having difficulty communicating with her child. The mother had tried a number of approaches and had gained valuable insights into psychology, but unfortunately, her efforts had not yielded the desired results. The child was unresponsive to her, and she was experiencing a high level of anxiety. After our conversation, she gained a new perspective and realized that many of the challenges were not as significant as she had initially perceived. She came to understand that she had been inadvertently causing harm to her child without realizing it.

At the conclusion of the consultation, the mother smiled and departed from the studio.

It might be helpful for the questioner to consider how their parents react to their words and actions, and how they react to their parents' words and actions. Combining this with the above sharing, it is possible that new answers will emerge. Of course, I am only sharing my own views. If the questioner feels that there is no way to communicate with their parents and does not want to try to communicate with them anymore, then they can accept their parents as they are and stop expecting them to change their attitude towards them. It is possible that the questioner's pain will be greatly reduced.

In communication, the intimacy of the relationship between the two parties will affect their expectations of each other. As the relationship grows closer, expectations tend to rise, creating a greater pressure on both parties. When expectations are not met, it can lead to deeper hurt and pain. Conversely, in less intimate relationships, expectations are not as high, the pressure is not as great, and it is easier for both parties to interact and get along. Even if some expectations are not met, it is often easier to accept this calmly, which can help to reduce hurt and pain.

Good day. I am a heart coach. Life is a beautiful journey, not for appreciation, but for growth and development.

They embrace you with care. You comprehend and empathize with your parents when they demonstrate their "low emotional intelligence" in their interactions with others. They are simply reacting "normally" within the scope of their own understanding.

However, they may unintentionally cause you harm in their interactions with others. Disclosing your painful experiences to others not only fails to gain their understanding, but also becomes a source of comparison, ridicule, and bragging rights.

Your past is not a source of shame or disgrace.

The reason for your sadness regarding your parents' low emotional intelligence is that they have infringed upon your privacy by involving you in the process of sharing with others.

Please be aware that your introversion, autism, depression, and anxiety are not flaws.

Similarly, some individuals have experienced conditions such as the flu, dysentery, heart surgery, or even cleft lip surgery, as observed in Li Yapeng's daughter. These occurrences are regarded as normal and not a significant burden.

These "diseases" or character traits are not a matter of personal choice, nor are they the result of human intervention. Only by accepting them can one fully embrace the positive aspects that accompany them.

When an individual accepts the dissolution of a relationship, they can then devote themselves to a new one. Similarly, when an individual accepts their shortcomings and inadequacies, they can address past mistakes with an open mind, which will not affect their self-confidence.

The same is true for you. Only by accepting these past experiences—such as being withdrawn, depressed, anxious, etc.—can you allow yourself to live in the present moment, be yourself with ease and joy, and live your own wonderful life.

2. Adopt a multi-perspective approach.

You have long held the view that your parents lack emotional intelligence. They frequently recount your painful experiences to others. Rather than offering understanding and assistance, they are mocked, belittled, and even taken advantage of.

It is important to note that when parents "share," they do not intend to cause additional distress. It is possible that they believe their own abilities and knowledge are limited and seek guidance and answers from others to better assist you.

"When you're sick, you seek treatment from any doctor," they just want an additional avenue to facilitate their child's expedient recovery.

A different perspective can reveal more truth about a problem, allowing for more options. One can choose to be miserable, ignore the problem, or be more understanding and compassionate towards one's parents.

Furthermore, guidance is available on how to facilitate harmonious relationships with others. The term "low emotional intelligence" simply denotes a lack of protection for personal boundaries in the context of social interactions.

3. There are multiple viable methods for achieving any given result.

You feel that communication with your parents is ineffective and costly. Additionally, you perceive a lack of empathy and understanding in the world, as well as a tendency to exploit those who are vulnerable.

A negative approach to interpersonal relationships has developed, whereby the only solution is to avoid the problem and not engage with it.

From a higher perspective, acknowledge and appreciate the underlying motivation behind your parents' actions to care for and support you.

It is futile to debate the number of seasons with a katydid. After all, it is merely an insect that has experienced three seasons.

The same is true of people. Some individuals are not worthy of our explanations. Therefore, we must make a breakthrough and eliminate those people in our lives who constantly drain us.

Utilizing individuals as a mirror can assist in comprehending one's strengths and weaknesses. Similarly, examining one's parents as a mirror enables the identification of their fundamental simplicity and benevolence, while also facilitating the recognition of their interpersonal shortcomings and potential for growth.

As a result of learning, your knowledge has increased, your thinking has become more expansive, your perspectives have broadened, and you have developed additional strategies for problem-solving and embracing diversity. These are all indications of personal growth.

The book Lifelong Growth suggests adopting a growth mindset and leveraging all experiences for personal growth.

I hope you find this information useful, and I wish you well.

Should you wish to continue the discussion, you are invited to follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

Good day. I extend my support and encouragement to you in this challenging situation.

I am grateful for the opportunity to assist you in addressing your request for help. I hope that my input will provide you with the support and assistance you require.

It is important to understand that the original family and parents are circumstances that are beyond our control. As adults, we can choose to learn how to accept them better. Accepting oneself also requires accepting the circumstances of one's upbringing, including challenging family dynamics and parental shortcomings.

The manner in which an individual is treated directly correlates with their subsequent treatment of others. The majority of the trauma inflicted by parents during upbringing was unconscious, rather than deliberate.

To put it another way, parents may have also experienced a lack of love and affection during their own upbringing. When they are not fully aware of the trauma they endured during their formative years, they tend to bring the same dynamics into their parent-child relationship.

As an adult, you have the opportunity to reclaim your expectations of your parents and address the underlying trauma in your original family by actively pursuing personal growth and self-care.

For example, learning to treat yourself the way you would like to be treated may gradually influence the way your parents treated you. And when you start to love yourself through your own active learning and growth, you are also better able to care for your parents.

From your description, I can discern your feelings of anger and disappointment with your parents. This indicates that you are not yet prepared to assume responsibility for your own life. Undoubtedly, this is due to the fact that you were not raised in a manner that would have equipped you with the necessary skills to do so. However, it is imperative that you attempt to do so. This entails fully accepting your past and accepting your parents.

It is only when you attempt to disengage from your negative feelings and opinions of your parents that you can redirect your energy towards personal growth and healing, and begin to take responsibility for your own life.

While your parents' emotionally immature behavior caused you significant distress during your formative years, it is likely that they also provided you with a considerable degree of emotional support and guidance. Without this support, it is unlikely that you would have developed into the person you are today. What are your thoughts on this matter?

It is possible to rewrite traumatic experiences in your life with the help of love and support. It is important to remember that nobody is without scars, as nobody is perfect.

My name is Lily, and I am the youngest member of the Q&A Museum team. I would like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude to you, our valued customers, and to tell you how much we love what we do.

Dear questioner, I understand your feelings, and I am here to support you.

In such a family, children really cannot survive. There is no privacy, and people speak without thinking. You don't know how you have come to be like this today. You are filled with anger inside, feeling pity for your parents on the one hand and resenting them on the other. Perhaps you are more sighing at your own powerlessness to change the situation.

It's hard for you, just like a child running in the rain, with no support, having to rely on themselves. Parents who let others bully them are asking for it. No outsider really cares about your family. Everyone is just watching the show. Parents have to go into detail and reveal your scars one by one.

Parents do this because they think others will help and pity them. In reality, most people only care about themselves and are unable to solve other people's problems. This is also a boundary. As a child, this is also the source of your pain. Parents have their own destiny. The only way forward is to respect their choices and let them bear the consequences. You cannot carry the burden of your parents and move forward.

For so many years, you have been unable to show your parents the love they deserve. They have been calling out for help, but no one has come to their aid. They are also releasing their emotions. Do you agree? This is cruel to you. It is your personal privacy. Now, you dare to ask for help. Congratulations.

You have suffered for so many years, crying when you want to, wanting to face problems head-on. Your parents don't know how to communicate. They are emotionally repressed, have no needs, and don't understand the needs of others. They think it's good enough to have food and drink.

Parents who are unable to love their children will be unable to help themselves. You can draw a clear line with your parents, break away from their negativity, their control, and their misconceptions.

Parents are no longer able to change the situation. They distrust themselves and their inner anger towards themselves, as well as their worry about their children's situation, which constantly torments them. They are unable to come out of their emotions, and they must know that their happiness is so important to their children.

Your child's happiness and health is also the greatest filial piety to your parents. You were also influenced by your parents, expecting them to change, feeling that they are too miserable, and whether you are also not allowing yourself to be happy. You can be different from your parents and glorify them.

Don't underestimate your parents. They have also lived through the four seasons, living strong. Even though their child is in so much pain, they have been looking for a way out and have never given up. You should agree. Sympathy for your parents will only make them feel weaker. What your parents want is for you to give them strength and support.

My child, you can and will go forward boldly. Parents have their own destiny. You are a kind child who has grown up. Walk your own path and be yourself. You deserve to be happy.

I wish you the best.

Hi, I'm Hu Yuanfang, a psychological counselor at Yixinli. I get it. It's tough when your parents can't communicate and you feel like they're putting you down in front of relatives and friends. It's natural to feel hurt when there's conflict in the family. It might take time to resolve these issues. Here are a few things to think about:

It's important to accept that family models and parenting styles from previous generations are different from ours. We can try to understand the environment in which our parents grew up and the different cultures they were exposed to. They were just dealing with emotions and communication under the parenting style of their parents. We know that their approach was wrong, but that doesn't mean their behaviour was right. We can accept this fact and use it as a basis to slowly seek a solution.

It's important to set boundaries with your parents. Make it clear what you want and don't want from them. This will help them understand your position better. It's also a good idea to share your feelings and needs when the family atmosphere is right. This will help them understand your perspective.

Specifically, think about how you're going to handle the consequences and your feelings in front of family members, relatives, and friends. Speak out with reason and emotion.

Self-adjustment: We've been hurt, so what can we do? We can make ourselves feel comfortable, cry, get angry, reflect, or ask for help from close friends to avoid getting caught up in an emotional whirlpool.

Do what works for you to help you feel less confused.

? Consider talking to a professional, such as a psychologist, to help you and your family cope with what you're going through. A professional can help you understand the root causes of the problem and find ways to deal with it.

It'll take time to change your family relationships. Don't expect to see big changes overnight. Keep trying, such as having a family meeting once a week to talk about everyone's feelings and find solutions to problems, gradually improving communication with your family.

? Get a support system in place. Find friends and family members or others facing similar problems to share experiences and emotional support with. With the support and recognition of family and friends, we'll be better equipped to handle future challenges.

It might take some time and effort, but we can find better ways to deal with family problems with the right support!

I just wanted to say that I love you, the world, and I love you too!

Hello, question asker. I see you're confused.

You can't understand your parents. They will always tell others about your child's bad qualities but never anything good.

They might not mean to treat you this way, their children.

It's about their family of origin.

Maybe their parents treated them that way. They only told others about their faults, not their good points.

You can't give what you don't have.

Here's an example.

You want someone to learn to swim.

If you don't know how to do something, you can't do it.

If you feel like you can't communicate with your parents, you can choose not to. This will help you feel less conflicted.

You can tell yourself you won't repeat your parents' bad communication habits with your future spouse.

This bad communication pattern between your parents has stopped.

You can reduce the negative impact of this bad communication pattern being passed down.

You can't choose your parents.

You can choose not to live like your parents.

I hope you can solve your problem soon.

All I can think of is the above.

I hope my answer helps and inspires you. I'm the answerer, and I study hard every day.

Best wishes, Yixinli!

!

Hello, my dear friend. I want to give you a big, warm hug from the bottom of my heart.

From what you've told me, I can imagine how frustrating, disappointing, helpless, and resentful you feel when dealing with such parents, for yourself and for your parents.

It's okay to accept that your parents are not the most emotionally intelligent, that they don't always know how to communicate with you or others, and that they sometimes end up the butt of jokes.

So, it seems that what's troubling you is actually a two-person problem, one being the relationship between you and your parents, and the other being the relationship between your family and other people.

Let's start by chatting about your relationship with your folks. Your introversion and autism, as well as your severe depression and anxiety, might be related to how you feel about your parents. I don't know your age, but it seems like you're still quite young. Given what you said about your parents, it's understandable that they haven't been able to provide you with empathy and understanding, and may even have been a bit overbearing and blamed you.

You're trying to heal yourself, and your perception of yourself has changed somewhat, which is great! However, you still cannot communicate with your parents, and your mood is still affected by them. Faced with this situation, you accept your parents' low emotional intelligence towards you, knowing that with their knowledge and perception, they really cannot do better.

I can see you've tried so many times to communicate with them in different ways, but it seems like you've reached a point where you're feeling like you can't change them. I get it. It can be really tough to accept that someone close to us is struggling to cope with life's challenges. It's natural to feel helpless in these moments.

But you also feel very sorry for them. They show their family's scars and humiliation to others without boundaries, and they become the laughing stock of others, and even your family becomes the laughing stock of others. It's so sad! You are helpless, angry, and unwilling to accept this for your parents and for others who bully the weak.

It's so hard when our parents hurt us, isn't it? I know you want to protect them, even if it means protecting them from becoming the laughing stock of others. But, sweetie, you can't change your parents. You can't make them emotionally intelligent. You can't tell them what to say and what not to say.

I know it's tough. I really do. You can't change your parents, and you can't change other people either.

It's totally understandable to want to protect your parents when they make fun of them. But, you know, they might say things like, "You're so petty" or "You're embarrassing yourself."

It's okay to accept that your parents might not understand you or protect you as much as you'd like. But it's also important to remember that they have relationships with other people, and you can't control how they act with others.

And who would want their loved ones to be mocked by them, even if the loved ones don't protect themselves?

In this situation, the best thing you can do is to focus on becoming stronger. When you're strong, they'll see that you're someone they should look up to. Some people are used to changing with the wind and following the sun. They'll probably be able to say black is white. Your parents don't know what to say or what not to say. They may think that these two people are unassuming and easygoing.

It's okay if you don't think you can change the situation. You don't have to do it alone. Have you thought about talking to a counselor? They can help you work through some of the things you're struggling with, like autism, depression, or anxiety.

At the same time, try not to worry too much about what other people think. Don't explain or argue. Let them say what they want. At most, when they confront you, just smile and don't say a word, so that their words seem to fall on deaf ears. Over time, they'll probably realize that it's not worth saying anything to you. As for what they say to your parents, your parents probably don't think there's anything wrong with it at all. This is their daily routine, and to them, all of this is acceptable.

They don't even have a sense of acceptance or rejection.

The key is to work hard to improve yourself and become more successful. Everyone has a soft spot for the strong!

I'm often both Buddhist and a bit of a pessimist, but I also have moments where I'm motivated and positive. I'm a counselor, and I love the world and all of you in it!

Hello, question asker. I want to start by saying that I'm here for you. From what you've shared, it seems like you're facing some challenges and feeling a bit helpless.

It is important to recognize that hurt can often come from within the family, which can make one feel powerless.

It is undoubtedly challenging to communicate with parents who may not have the same level of emotional intelligence as you do. However, there are ways to navigate these conversations more effectively and protect your emotional well-being. Here are a few suggestions to consider:

1. Self-awareness and emotion management: It may be helpful to understand your emotional triggers and learn to manage your emotions. If you feel emotional or frustrated, you might consider temporarily leaving the scene to take deep breaths, meditate, or engage in other relaxing activities to relieve your emotions.

2. It may be helpful to consider using "I" statements when expressing your own views and needs.

It may be helpful to consider using "I" statements rather than "you" statements when expressing your feelings and needs. For instance, you could say, "I feel hurt because I don't think you understand my needs," rather than "You never understand me."

This can help to ease the situation and make communication more effective.

3. Set personal boundaries: When communicating with your parents, it is important to ensure that your rights are respected. If you feel that your boundaries have been crossed, it is advisable to express your feelings and needs in a calm and assertive manner.

For instance, you might say something like, "I understand your point of view, but I'm not sure this will make me feel comfortable. Would it be possible to find a better solution together?"

4. Consider seeking external support: If communication with your parents does not lead to the desired progress, it may be helpful to seek guidance from others. You could, for instance, share your concerns with friends and family, a mentor, or a counselor, and listen to their advice and support.

5. It may be helpful to consider letting go of expectations and seeking separation and independence. If we have parents with whom we cannot communicate, it can feel very helpless.

If we continue to rely on our parents to understand us emotionally, it may lead to discomfort. It might be helpful to consider ways to separate psychologically from our parents, learn to care for our own feelings, and learn to decline our parents' involvement in our lives.

We are all individuals with our own lives to live, and we try to live them as independently as possible.

Hello! I'm June Lai Feng.

You seem distressed. Dealing with parents with low emotional intelligence makes communication difficult. They may lack the ability to understand and express the emotions of others.

We may feel frustrated, disappointed, or helpless.

It can be hard to communicate with parents who don't have a lot of emotional intelligence. This can be because of language, culture, or different values. There might also be emotional barriers, like a lack of trust, understanding, or respect.

Confronting parents with low emotional intelligence can make us feel anxious, frustrated, helpless, and confused.

If you try to talk to your parents but they don't understand you, you might feel frustrated and disappointed.

If we try to talk to our parents but they won't change, we may feel helpless, frustrated, and disappointed.

When our parents' actions and words are different from our own, we may feel confused and unsure.

If our parents' actions and words affect our lives negatively, we may feel stressed, worried, and unable to cope.

We can only improve when dealing with parents with low emotional intelligence.

First, understand your emotions. Stay calm and don't let emotions control you.

Stay calm and think clearly to handle the situation better. This is the first step to improvement.

Second, accept your parents' limitations. You can't change them, so accept them. Change your attitude and behavior.

It's hard to change others, especially adults. Don't expect your parents to behave the way you want.

Next, set boundaries. If your parents' behavior is having a negative impact on your life and health, you can set boundaries. You can tell your parents where you draw the line and take steps to protect yourself.

If you want to, don't tell anyone about your health. Sometimes parents don't know much about certain topics.

Give them the facts.

To change your thinking, focus on the positive. Gratitude, optimism, and social activities can help you take care of your emotions and physical and mental health in your interactions with your parents.

Find someone to talk to about your feelings.

Finally, you don't have to distance yourself from your parents just because they're difficult to communicate with. Sometimes distance is necessary.

You can keep a good relationship with your parents while being independent. You can call, meet up, or do activities with them. This lets you have space and freedom. You can create space for yourself, avoid negative interactions, and protect your emotional health.

You can distance yourself physically by meeting less often or emotionally by reducing your emotional dependence on your parents.

Dealing with emotionally low-intelligence parents who can't communicate takes time and effort. Try to help yourself cope, improve your emotions and behaviors, and become healthier and happier.

My story might help you.

Love you! Have a nice day!

When facing parents with low emotional intelligence, it can be challenging to communicate effectively. In such instances, it may be helpful to consider the following suggestions for coping:

1. It is important to remain calm when emotions are running high. It is all too easy to say hurtful things when we are feeling upset, so it is best to try to stay calm.

2. Listen: Even if you don't see eye to eye with them, it's important to listen to what they have to say.

3. Respect: It is important to respect each other's views, even if you disagree with them.

4. It might be helpful to seek third-party mediation if the two sides cannot reach a consensus on the issue. Perhaps a neutral family member or friend could help mediate.

5. It may be helpful to communicate in private. Discussing such sensitive issues in public may not be the most constructive approach, as it could make the other person feel attacked.

6. You might find it helpful to read books on emotional intelligence or to seek professional help. This could assist you in better understanding emotional intelligence and in learning to communicate more effectively with others.

7. Consider learning to express yourself in a more tactful manner to help avoid direct conflict.

8. It would be beneficial to allow yourself and the other person some time to adapt. It often takes time to change habits, and both sides may need to give the other some space to adapt.

9. Strive to maintain positive communication. Even if it is challenging at first, it is important to keep trying to communicate with them in a positive, respectful, and understanding manner.

It is important to remember to be patient and understanding, as they may not be aware of their own problems. It is also important to take care of your own emotional and mental health, as this will contribute to your relationship with your parents.

I empathize with your feelings. This situation is undoubtedly distressing and overwhelming. Your introversion, depression/a-32-year-old-woman-always-wants-to-hide-myself-am-i-going-to-have-autism-3308.html" target="_blank">autism, and past severe depression and anxiety are personal matters that deserve respect and protection, not discussion or display of pride.

It is possible that your family members are driven by a desire to be understood and empathized with. However, they may be unaware that this is causing you harm.

In this situation, the following methods can be employed to safeguard one's interests:

It is recommended that you communicate your feelings directly to your family members. Despite your assertion that communication is impossible, you should attempt to clearly convey how this situation is distressing you. It is possible that they may be able to comprehend your perspective and alter their behavior as a result. You should select an opportune moment to express your emotions in a composed manner, thereby conveying your fundamental position.

It is recommended that the individual seek external support if their family members are unable to comprehend their feelings. One may choose to speak with a trusted friend or a counselor, who can provide guidance and assistance.

It is important to establish one's own boundaries. This can be achieved by clearly communicating to family members which topics are off-limits for discussion. While this may require courage and persistence, it is crucial to safeguard one's privacy and dignity.

In the event that a situation is deemed to be of such a serious nature that it cannot be resolved without external assistance, it is recommended that the individual in question seek the guidance of a professional counselor. These professionals are equipped with the necessary skills and expertise to assist in the navigation of complex emotional issues and the provision of effective coping strategies.

In conclusion, as an adult, one has the right to safeguard their privacy and dignity. Despite the potential for family members to lack complete comprehension of one's sentiments, it is possible to assert one's rights by clearly articulating one's fundamental position and seeking external assistance.

Concurrently, it is imperative to maintain composure and rationality, and to refrain from allowing one's emotions to impede sound judgment and precipitate hasty decisions.

If one's focus is solely on oneself, it can lead to feelings of anxiety and depression. Self-growth and change is about learning to truly love others and finding ways to avoid or alleviate negative emotions.

To truly love others is to wish them happiness and to mentally accept, forgive, and forgive everyone, including the outstanding, the ordinary people, and even the weak. If there are mistakes or shortcomings, they can be corrected. Everyone has the right to happiness, regardless of the relationship, whether it is right or wrong, gain or loss. We all hope that others can be happy and improve. People can bring mutual comfort and joy to each other. It is beneficial to love and accept others and oneself, to tolerate shortcomings and lack of ability, and to be kind at heart. This means being beneficial to others or society, not disliking or rejecting ordinary people, and not being jealous or intolerant of outstanding people.

If you find it challenging to connect with others, it can lead to feelings of negativity and emotional difficulties. To truly love others and adapt to people and things, it may be helpful to consider ways to align your energy field, increasing the likelihood of finding and maintaining loving and fulfilling relationships and careers. You can also share and exchange what you see, hear, think, feel, or are interested in, including books, movies, music, etc., with others in real life and on the Internet, such as Douban communities.

It may also be helpful to embrace love and contentment in your life, even in the little things.

It is worth noting that negative energy can affect your physical health. Maintaining a comfortable and healthy body can provide a form of full-body massage. The head massage includes the forehead and face, which also have meridians. One may consider massaging the head with deep, firm strokes, and massaging the stomach with a firm massage brush. It is advisable to avoid massaging the stomach on an empty stomach and then taking a walk.

If you have negative emotions, thoughts, or behaviors, you may not feel comfortable physically or mentally. You may often encounter unhappy people and things, interpersonal conflicts, relationship and marriage problems (which could affect your magnetic field), and even problems in your academic or career life. This may be because when you are too self-centered or pursue self-interest, you may accumulate a lot of negative energy. The more self-centered you are, the more your magnetic field may be out of sync with other people's. You may benefit from learning how to truly love others and adapt to people and things, so as to correct your energy field, resolve conflicts, improve your emotions and interpersonal relationships, and better solve the above problems. In addition, if you know how to truly love the people and things in the world, you may not be too attached to love, and you may be able to alleviate negative emotions such as separation anxiety and pain. You may not feel lacking inside, and you may be able to feel happiness. This could help your life become fulfilling and meaningful.

If it is helpful, they can also support those around them to grow and change together.

The ways in which excessive self-centeredness manifests itself can vary from person to person. These manifestations may include psychological motivations such as pursuing self-satisfaction, striving for self or repressing self-deprecation to please others, blindly giving in order to gain, being afraid of losing, or disregarding the gains and losses of self-interest and emotions. Some individuals may exhibit behaviors that could be perceived as narcissistic or inferior, such as paying excessive attention to oneself, generating stress and worry, social phobia, being caught up in one's own emotions and thoughts, attaching too much importance to what others think of oneself, not accepting one's own shortcomings and deficiencies, forcing oneself to be perfect, being obsessive, controlling, possessing others or forcing others to satisfy oneself, otherwise resenting and being discontent, being unable to let go of oneself to forgive and forgive, and brooding.

If you focus solely on yourself, you may experience feelings of anxiety, depression, and fatigue, and you might even find it challenging to adapt to the people and environment at your school or workplace. On the other hand, if you genuinely care about others and adapt to your surroundings, you will naturally feel less self-focused and will be able to replenish your positive energy.

In short, it would be best to do what you can, have good intentions, and do no harm to others, because nobody wants to suffer.

I was moved to see your problem because our experiences are similar. I will share my views.

Know your parents' behavior. If they're violent, it might be because of their own upbringing.

Knowing your parents' past helps you understand their behavior.

Think like an adult. Don't act childish when you talk to your parents.

This will help reduce conflict and show your parents you're mature and able to communicate.

Use nonviolent communication. This means describing facts, expressing feelings, and making requests.

This helps you express your views calmly and be more accepted by your parents.

Try to understand your parents. This will help you communicate better and avoid conflict.

Don't think of your parents as opponents. Try to find a way to communicate with them.

Be patient. Communication takes time. You can't change your parents' minds in one or two conversations.

I hope you can get along with your parents.

Dear Questioner, The present is absolutely amazing! Be grateful for the incredible encounter.

From your description, I can feel that you are ready to make a change! Let's hug and talk about this together.

1. Understand their behavior

The reason why parents will behave in ways that you cannot understand is that they do not take care of your emotions and feelings. But there's a simple fix for this! It's most likely because their parents behaved in the same way towards them when they were growing up.

So these behaviors enter their subconscious, and they express these words and deeds without being aware of them, just following the inertia of these behaviors to say these things.

Maybe they're looking to connect with others or even to make someone happy. It's as if when they talk about you like everyone else, they become one with everyone else.

Or when they bring up these topics for discussion, others become interested in them and they become the center of attention, without considering your feelings, in order to gain a sense of social identity and belonging.

In short, they are not aware of their actions and do not perceive them. At the same time, they are relatively lacking internally and cannot give you the kind of attention, care, respect, and understanding you want. But here's the good news! You can help them become more aware of their actions and help them perceive them more clearly.

2. Seeing their emotions

You have an image of the perfect parent inside you, and when they are compared to the real parents, there's a gap. This is an opportunity for you to recognize that your expectations are internal and that you can choose to be disappointed or angry.

Once you recognize these emotions within yourself, you'll see that it's not easy for your parents to change their behavior. But you can! Accept their behavior and let go of your expectations of them.

And now, return this energy of expectation to yourself and grow yourself!

3. You are more than enough as you are!

The amazing thing is that a person can be changed! All it takes is for them to be willing to change themselves. And the first step is for us to accept and allow them as they are. When we do this, we give them the power to take the initiative to change.

When you can accept and respect yourself, allow yourself, recognize yourself, and appreciate yourself, you're already on your way to a brighter future! When you can face this dark period of your past and accept that it was just a period of time when you were emotionally ill, there's nothing to be ashamed of. When others treat you in a certain way, you'll have the power to not have any opinions about it and not be affected.

When you can give yourself the inner lack and treat yourself as you expect your parents to treat you, you will no longer be hurt by looking outside. You will find that your inner strength is growing little by little. You have enough energy inside you to survive to this day!

You are complete in yourself! You can love and heal yourself, and you can re-parent your inner child. When you do this, you can also influence and change your parents.

I really hope my answer is helpful to you! I wish you the absolute best!

Dear questioner,

I am listening to you, Xiaoliu.

From your words, I discern a profound sense of helplessness within the familial structure. Do you imply that the sole recourse available to adults is to gradually disassociate themselves from the issue rather than attempting to resolve it? Your bewilderment is, in fact, a source of shared uncertainty, and I am appreciative that you have brought this topic to the fore for further examination.

First, there are numerous issues in parents' communication that they may be unaware of and may find challenging to modify. This appears to be a prevalent challenge in numerous families.

The utilization of a child's traumatic experiences as a point of departure for a discussion may represent a "social model" that has been internalized by parents.

Boundaries exist between individuals, and the family can be considered a social unit.

It is also crucial to establish boundaries within families and other social units, to respect the feelings of family members, and to refrain from disclosing sensitive information about them without their consent and knowledge.

It is also evident that our parents have their own social lives.

It is noteworthy that members of the parental generation may utilize familial information as a means of establishing connections with others. This practice is particularly concerning when parents believe that disclosing certain aspects of their children's lives can foster empathy and identification with others. This process can reinforce their own social roles and attributes.

For parents, the most crucial prerequisite for discussing this with external parties is that the individual in question is aware of the discussion and is amenable to it.

From your statement, it is evident that your parents do not regard you as a fully-fledged autonomous individual, but rather as a derivative of their own problems. The essence of "flaunting" your scars is that they do not respect you as an independent entity.

Secondly, when discussing the parent aspect, it is sometimes necessary to move beyond the conventional "parent-child" paradigm. This enables a more nuanced understanding of the parents' own issues.

In addition to their role as parents, they also occupy other social positions, such as that of children, friends, colleagues, and relatives. During their upbringing, they were also shaped by the influence of their original family and the social environment of other individuals.

Subsequently, they establish their own level of cognition.

From your account, it is evident that both individuals exhibit a tendency to engage in socially acceptable behaviors. This is closely linked to their self-esteem levels. When confronted with behaviors or attitudes that they perceive as unusual or unconventional, they often lack the ability to defend themselves effectively. Frequently, they resort to internal rationalization, which may explain why they have not provided you with adequate protection.

Additionally, feelings of aggrievement and helplessness may be experienced.

From my perspective, you exude a sense of internal strength. You have not allowed yourself to become like your parents. You are able to recognize and acknowledge your own anger, as well as the offenses of others. You have not been assimilated, which is a noteworthy achievement. It is important to recognize that you possess internal resources. Conversely, parents may experience a sense of powerlessness, particularly when they worry about their misfortune and feel unable to change. You are a kind individual, and you are determined to protect your family and yourself.

III. Based on the circumstances presented, I offer the following suggestions for your consideration. These suggestions are based on my personal opinions and should be regarded as such.

(1) It would be advisable to attempt to disassociate oneself from the situation and return the parents' issues to them.

Given the circumstances and the current situation, communication may prove challenging. This situation has persisted for decades, and many of the parents' thinking and cognitive patterns are fixed. Some parents will resist their children's opinions and suggestions, and will be defensive. Frequently, communication will devolve into a confrontation and an argument, which may lead to fatigue.

It is essential to recognize that parents, like any other individuals, possess their own unique set of challenges and concerns. Even within the context of a close relationship, it is crucial to establish clear boundaries and maintain a sense of autonomy.

If the parents are not in a position of authority,

Subsequently, one may choose to reject the projections of the aforementioned individuals.

It is advisable to adopt a more realistic outlook and to adjust one's expectations accordingly.

Furthermore, it is imperative to mitigate the detrimental effects that such dynamics may have on the individual.

(2) In many family relationships, it is unfortunately not possible to obtain an equal perspective from one's parents. Therefore, it is advisable to develop one's own independent voice as much as possible.

I have been contemplating whether to document this information, as it addresses a complex topic. When the individual in question is not a parent but rather a friend, partner, or other non-family member, our opinions are more likely to be regarded as valuable contributions.

In some family systems, parents often occupy a superior role, which inherently involves an inequality of power. Consequently, when children express their own opinions, they may be perceived as less important.

It is imperative to alter the existing power structure.

It is imperative that the "original power structure" be altered.

The circumstances of your upbringing were harsh and traumatic. In such a context, it is crucial to develop resilience and independence, and to pursue avenues for personal growth and self-realization. This may entail enhancing academic performance and developing new skills, achieving financial autonomy, and challenging the existing power dynamics within the family. As the dominant figure in the family, your voice will gradually gain influence. The advice I offer is based on practical, worldly considerations, and it is my hope that you will be able to comprehend it.

(3) It is essential to acknowledge and comprehend the feelings of anger and resentment, as well as the perception of being wronged. It is crucial to prioritize self-care and self-love.

It is evident that your writing evinces a plethora of repressed elements. During our formative years, we were unable to discern whether these elements were indeed valid. We were riddled with internal conflicts and self-doubt. Some individuals internalize these elements as their own shortcomings, leading to feelings of inferiority. However, as we mature, we develop our own discernment and judgment.

Such shortcomings will become apparent in the course of reality.

One will come to recognize the harm caused by one's parents.

The notion that parents innately possess a capacity for love towards their offspring is a pervasive one.

It is my contention that children innately possess a capacity for love towards their parents.

Admitting that one's parents are not as wise as one thinks and that they may not be mature enough to love their children as one expects is a challenging step. It is important to focus on one's own self-improvement and to recognize that one can become a better person than one's parents. Writing down one's feelings and reflecting on one's emotions can also be beneficial.

It may also be beneficial to seek counseling or other forms of therapeutic support.

In terms of the longing for love.

It is recommended that you embrace self-love to the fullest extent possible.

This is the extent of my commentary.

I would like to express my gratitude to those who have read this text.

I am a listening therapist at Yixinli.

Should you require further assistance, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Dear Questioner, I empathize with your situation and understand the challenges you're facing. Finding a solution to this dilemma will require time and patience.

I would like to take this opportunity to explore this with you further and identify potential avenues for improvement.

Firstly, I appreciate that you feel hurt and aggrieved by your parents' behaviour. It is evident that they lack understanding of your feelings and are uncertain of how to protect you in social situations.

This can lead to feelings of neglect and even helplessness. However, I would like to request that you consider this from a different perspective.

It is possible that they did not intend to cause you harm, but due to their limited emotional intelligence, they were unaware of how to address these issues effectively. They may also be exerting significant effort, but due to their own abilities and perceptions, they are unable to do so as effortlessly as individuals with high emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is a skill that can be developed through learning and practice. While your parents may have room for improvement in this area, there are still ways in which they can enhance their emotional intelligence.

For instance, they could endeavor to demonstrate greater attentiveness to your sentiments, cultivate the ability to remain silent at opportune moments, or cultivate the capacity to express their opinions in a tactful manner. Undoubtedly, this necessitates a certain degree of exertion and time commitment from them, as well as your patience and understanding.

I would also like to share a brief anecdote I once heard. There was a boy whose parents were not particularly adept at navigating relationships, similar to your parents.

However, the boy did not despair but chose to take action to improve the situation. He began to actively share his feelings with his parents and provide guidance on how to speak and act in different situations.

After a period of time, his parents gradually learned how to communicate better with him and how to protect his feelings in social situations. This story demonstrates that, although we cannot change others, we can influence them for the better through our own efforts.

In the field of psychology, emotional intelligence is defined as a type of emotional intelligence that involves understanding and managing one's emotions and establishing and maintaining positive relationships with others. Studies have demonstrated that individuals with high emotional intelligence are more likely to achieve success in various aspects of life and work.

However, emotional intelligence is not fixed and can be enhanced through learning and practice. For example, by reading relevant books, attending emotional intelligence training courses, and communicating more with individuals who demonstrate high emotional intelligence, we can gradually improve our emotional intelligence level.

Now, let's return to your question. In dealing with parents who are unable to communicate, apart from attempting to influence them to enhance their emotional intelligence, there are other methods for resolving the issue.

Firstly, you may wish to consider protecting your privacy when appropriate. This could include refraining from disclosing excessive personal information to your parents or taking the initiative to safeguard your reputation in social situations.

Secondly, you can develop your interpersonal skills, for example, learning to express your views tactfully and how to decline unreasonable requests.

These skills will not only assist you in protecting your feelings, but will also enhance your confidence and ease of interaction with others.

It should be noted that this process will require a significant investment of time and effort. It is not uncommon to experience feelings of fatigue and frustration during this period.

Please be aware that you are not alone in this situation. You can obtain assistance and guidance from colleagues, educators, or other qualified professionals.

It is also important to take care of yourself and allow yourself time to adjust and grow.

Ultimately, it is important to recognise that while we cannot change others, we can choose how to interact with them. In the case of parents with low emotional intelligence, we can adopt a more understanding, patient and caring approach, while also taking steps to influence and change them through our own efforts.

It is a lengthy and challenging process, but one that is ultimately rewarding. I believe that with the right effort and time commitment, you can achieve harmonious relationships with your parents while also developing greater maturity and confidence.

I wish you the best of luck.