Unhealthy relationships, I hope to learn techniques to prevent me from being tempted.

Dear Question Asker,

In light of your account, I am prompted to recall a remark by Satir: "Each of us is inextricably linked to our original family, and this link will affect us for the rest of our lives." A significant proportion of the distress experienced by individuals is attributable to the actions of those with whom they have formed close relationships. While there are numerous instances where individuals have the capacity to exercise choice, the composition of one's original family is not among them.

1. The subject reported a history of neglect from childhood, and even after a diagnosis of depression and anxiety, his family denied the diagnosis and did not accept the medical advice. This can create a sense of helplessness and powerlessness. As the individual involved, one can empathize with the experience.

What are the consequences of a lack of love in an early childhood?

Those who lack love from an early age often experience a sense of insecurity, even when they are highly competent. They may feel inferior to others and experience difficulties in navigating life's challenges. Childhood is a crucial period in an individual's life, and parental love plays a pivotal role in a child's development.

While material resources can contribute to children's well-being, it is essential to prioritize their psychological needs through the provision of parental love. For children to learn and develop the capacity to love, parents must engage in loving interactions. This fosters the courage for children to embrace life in the future and the confidence to navigate the world.

Psychologists assert that disparaging education will inevitably lead to a detrimental outcome for children. Perceiving one's child through a negative lens will inevitably result in a destructive path for the child.

In the minds of children, parents serve as the primary authority figures. Their parents' words and attitudes exert a profound influence on their cognitive development. Children internalize their parents' evaluations of them and subsequently form their own self-evaluations.

A survey conducted by psychologists on 1,000 minors revealed that children who are frequently scolded by their parents are more likely to exhibit personality defects. Specifically, 25.7% of these children reported low self-esteem and depression, 22.1% displayed coldness, and 56.5% exhibited frequent irritability.

It is a common parental assumption that if their children do not comply with their instructions, they must be reprimanded and punished in order to learn a lesson. However, this approach often has the unintended consequence of making the children feel more inferior.

It is only through the provision of positive mental suggestions and the implementation of suitable challenges that children's self-confidence can be enhanced and they encouraged to become more accomplished versions of themselves.

The notion that goodness is an innate quality is a fallacy. Children who are acknowledged by their parents will eventually fulfill their parents' expectations.

2. The questioner stated that due to a lack of care and attention from their parents during their formative years, they now seek such attention from friendships and romantic partners.

The adage states that a child who does not receive love from their family of origin will seek love and attention endlessly in the world, due to the fact that their subconscious mind will always have that longing for love. Jung posited that each of us is controlled by our subconscious mind.

It is important to recognize, however, that an unending search for love outside of oneself is ultimately futile. No individual can love another unconditionally in the way that a parent can. Even parents cannot offer their children unconditional love; this is a quality that extends beyond the capacity of any human being. Instead, it is essential to learn to look within and heal the wounded inner child within oneself. Only by doing so can one fully resolve the sense of deprivation and insecurity that has been present throughout one's life.

If one fails to recognize the necessity of introspection and the importance of self-reliance, one is likely to experience repeated disappointment and may even succumb to despair.

Adults must learn to take responsibility for their own lives. While our family of origin undoubtedly exerts a significant influence, remaining a victim is not a viable long-term strategy. It is only through assuming responsibility for our own actions and striving to live a life of authenticity that we can hope to break free from the destructive patterns and relationships that have held us back.

One advantage of adopting a victim mentality is that it allows one to avoid taking responsibility for one's own actions, attributing blame instead to one's family of origin.

Ultimately, it is advisable to avoid being tempted and to withdraw from the situation of unrequited love in a timely manner.

It is my personal opinion that all humans possess emotions. If one deliberately suppresses their emotions towards others, it will inevitably have a negative effect. It is preferable to acknowledge that you have a positive impression of her, while also accepting that you are unable to cope with her emotions, as your inner self has not yet matured sufficiently to communicate with the other person in an honest manner. If you truly believe that you cannot continue the relationship, you have the option of forming a new friendship with more positive and optimistic individuals. It is important to recognise that you always have a choice.

Furthermore, it is imperative to recognize that individuals possess the inherent capacity to overcome their challenges and that these difficulties are, in fact, transient. This notion extends to oneself.

Persevere!

Hello! I give you a warm hug from afar.

You know the trauma caused to your body and mind by being emotionally neglected, insensitive, rejected, and harshly criticized by your family in the original family. You feel a strong sense of grievance, anger, helplessness, and powerlessness at not being understood, accepted, seen, or supported.

You experience depression and anxiety because you attribute your lack of understanding, acceptance, neglect, and harsh treatment by your family members to your own lack of goodness. You agree with and internalize the way your family treats you because you are not good enough. This causes you to turn your anger towards your family members and attack your inner self.

It is wrong to attack yourself because of the emotional insensitivity and neglect of family members. This emotional pain makes it impossible for you to see the resources and abilities you have to better cope with and deal with your painful emotions. You will instinctively choose to seek compensation from the outside, wanting to better give yourself the satisfaction and response to the needs and expectations that were owed to you in the original family through friendship and love.

If you enter a relationship with the sole intention of satisfying your own needs, you will always be demanding and fail to see the value in giving to others. Neglecting to see the needs of your partner or others in the relationship will inevitably lead to feelings of neglect, frustration, and anger. It's not that you're unwilling to give and pay in the relationship, but that you're unable to do so. You simply don't have the capacity to give what you haven't received. If you've been emotionally mistreated, you'll find it difficult to give and receive love in a healthy way.

Your inability to accept the opposite sex you care about confiding in you is a manifestation of your inability to support and respond to others because you are emotionally and emotionally owed. You avoid, deny, and reject because you cannot give the support the other person wants. At the same time, you believe the more demand for benefits in your friendships is an emotional projection of your internal inferiority, lack of confidence, and lack of acceptance of yourself.

Our original families and parents are something that none of us can choose. We can, however, try to accept them better. Once you have become aware of the harm that the way you were treated in your original family has caused to your body and mind, you can and should try to heal the past trauma through active growth guided by self-awareness. You are an adult today, and if you are willing, you have the strength and resources to better heal yourself.

Write a letter to your family members and tell them how you really feel about their emotional neglect and disrespect. The letter should be divided into five parts: anger, sadness, fear, remorse, and love. This is the best way to get in touch with your emotions, have a dialogue with your inner self, generate a better connection, and become more aware. You'll also explore the needs hidden behind your emotional feelings and respond to yourself in an appropriate and timely manner.

Treat yourself as you would a good parent.

First, accept yourself. Cultivate self-confidence and fully accept yourself from the inside out. Understand that the emotional neglect you experienced in your original family was not because you were bad. It was a projection of emotions that your family members owed you because of their internal lack. Accept yourself by making a list of your self-acceptance strengths. Cultivate self-confidence by keeping a gratitude journal.

Nourish yourself better by cultivating more interests and passions.

Enter a relationship with courage, unafraid of being hurt. Treat others as you would like to be treated. At the same time, meet your own needs for response and satisfaction in the relationship through your own efforts. The wounds suffered in a relationship can be healed in a relationship.

I am confident that my sharing will provide you with the support and help you need.

Hello, question asker. My name is Evan.

The questioner shared that her parents had been quite strict with her when she was younger, which has made it challenging for her to navigate intimate relationships and develop interpersonal skills. These experiences have shaped her in ways that are influenced by the dynamics of her original family. Her parents' approach to parenting has led to some difficulties in her ability to interact with others in a natural and comfortable manner.

It is not uncommon for parents to engage in controlling behaviors, which can have unintended consequences. These actions, while well-intentioned, can inadvertently lead to depression and emotional distress in the child. It is important to recognize that these behaviors may be a contributing factor to the child's difficulties. It is essential to provide support and guidance to the child, offering a shoulder to lean on and encouragement to navigate these challenges. It is crucial to recognize that the influence of the parents on the child's emotional well-being is significant.

Since the question was asked on a platform, I would like to offer some simple advice to the questioner on how to withdraw from a secret crush.

It would be helpful to try to understand the parents' motives towards the questioner.

Could I ask why the parents treat the questioner this way? Were they also treated this way when they were young? Might I enquire whether the parents were also taught this way by the older generation in the family when they were young?

It might be helpful to consider that the way to communicate with children was taught to parents in their own families. This model may be imprinted in their hearts, and it could influence how they interact with their own children.

It is their belief that this is how parents should treat their children.

It would be beneficial to understand your parents' motives. This can help you to release your emotions, treat your parents more calmly, and feel more at ease.

It might be helpful to consider whether ending this unrequited love is something you would like to do.

It would be beneficial for the poster to recognize their desire to end this unrequited love and to find ways to distract themselves from thinking about this girl. It's important to acknowledge the impact this situation is having on their daily life, including difficulties sleeping and feelings of distress. The poster can assess whether they're experiencing these challenges by considering the following:

If you find yourself unable to go five minutes without thinking about this girl, it might be helpful to consider whether you could benefit from some time to yourself.

If you find that, when you try to forget her, you actually feel more drawn to her.

If you find yourself comparing every girl you know or meet to her.

If you find yourself unable to take an interest in other girls, even when they show interest in you, it might be helpful to consider whether this is a sign that your feelings for this girl are still strong.

If you find that you are frequently writing about this girl or drawing her face,

If you find that every song you hear evokes memories of her.

If you find yourself checking her circle and Weibo frequently, even when you have no new updates, it might be helpful to take a step back and assess your relationship with her.

If you feel that your happiness is dependent on this relationship, you may want to consider some changes.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the reasons behind your feelings for her.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider why you like her. Is it because she is open with you and has given you the illusion? Once you have acknowledged that you have a problem, it might be beneficial to reflect on the reasons behind your feelings for this girl.

It may be helpful to consider the underlying causes of the questioner's concerns in order to find solutions. Some potential reasons for the questioner's feelings could include:

You have never encountered a girl quite like her, and you feel that no one else is quite like her, either. She is so special that you want to have her.

If so, you might like to tell yourself that if you are patient, you may meet a girl who is even more special.

If you feel dissatisfied with many aspects of your life, it might be helpful to consider ways to improve other areas, such as your health or relationships.

It might be helpful to spend time with your close friends.

The closest friends of the questioner can provide a sense of love and belonging, which might help to shift your focus away from the girl. Consider spending some time with friends, or perhaps going karaoke or watching a movie together. The questioner can do this:

It might be helpful to find fun activities to do with friends, such as canoeing, trying new restaurants, or joining a club. Instead of just sitting around with friends and chatting, you could try setting tangible goals and working together towards them. This could help you get over the obsession.

It might be helpful to talk to your friends about your feelings. Instead of just complaining about how you like the girl, you could try discussing your problems with them and seeing what they think.

If the questioner's friends are aware of his recent difficulties, they may encourage him to spend more time with them and even suggest that he distance himself from the girl.

It might be helpful to spend time with other girls.

It might be helpful to consider that even if you're not ready for a relationship with another girl, spending time with close friends of the opposite sex or just mingling with their girlfriends could be beneficial.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what it is about these girls that makes them so wonderful. This could help you to see that the person you like is not necessarily the most special person in the world.

Over time, the questioner may find themselves focusing less on the one girl and more on the girls themselves.

It might be helpful to consider spending time on hobbies.

It might be helpful to consider pursuing different hobbies as a way of distracting yourself from your feelings for the other person. Having a hobby can also give you a sense of personal growth and make you feel more appreciated. It can also help you to look forward to new experiences. You might like to try this:

You might consider going on a trip. A short break from your current situation could be beneficial in helping you to escape your worries.

If a holiday isn't an option, perhaps you could plan a few weekend trips and invite your friends along instead?

You might like to consider expressing yourself through activities such as singing, improvisation, or dance lessons. These can be great ways to let off steam and have fun.

It might be helpful to try to smile more, do things you enjoy, and accept yourself. You might find it beneficial to watch comedies or spend time with interesting people.

I believe that being able to laugh heartily can help the questioner view things correctly, which may help them understand that the saying "it's not the end of the world" is indeed true. I still hope that if the questioner is able to, they can seek help from a professional psychologist to resolve the issue of reconciling with their own family of origin. Perhaps this time the questioner can resolve it better, but then the question of whether it will be the same next time remains. I think that the influence of the original family has always troubled the questioner, and resolving this issue as soon as possible may also contribute to the healthy development of the questioner's body and mind.

It is my sincere hope that my answer will be of some help to the questioner.

First of all, I want to give you a big hug! You've been through a lot, and I admire your resilience. Since you were a child, you have felt some oppression, alienation, and conflict in your family relationships with your parents and other relatives.

You've been feeling this way since you were very young, which is great because it shows that you are very perceptive! You have a good sense of the relationship between them, but it has not been valued enough in the family, and it is even sometimes directly ignored. In particular, when you express your emotions and thoughts, you will attract criticism and scolding, but you can learn to handle it and come out stronger on the other side!

You have really suffered, but you've also grown stronger! It's not easy to grow up well in such an environment, but you've already shown that you're very tough.

It's only natural that after leaving home, you'd want the attention and warmth of others. Everyone has a need for love and belonging, and it's great that you're looking for it!

Humanistic psychologist Maslow had a brilliant insight: that we all have five basic needs! These are the need for survival, the need for security, the need for love and belonging, the need for respect, and the need for self-fulfillment. The need for survival and the need for security are the basic guarantees for people living in the world.

Once we've made it through the toughest part and survived, we're ready to dive into the exciting world of love and belonging! It's a natural part of being human. We're social creatures, and we thrive in relationships. These relationships give us the incredible opportunity to feel like we truly belong. And in these relationships, we get to experience the amazing feeling of being treated kindly. That's the magic of love!

I'm excited to tell you that because of your upbringing, you've now encountered an unhealthy relationship, and there's a reason why this has happened to you. You've been diagnosed with depressive and anxious states due to past experiences, and your parents have forcibly interrupted your medication due to a sense of illness shame, which will also affect your emotional needs.

Now you're ready to learn some techniques to withdraw from unrequited love and not extract emotional value from an unhealthy relationship!

So, how can you keep your heart from being tempted? It's simple! Anything that tempts someone must have touched some need inside us. All you have to do is carefully ask yourself what you really need and what you don't need. And if you have emotional needs, you can easily find ways to satisfy yourself!

If you find a normal way to satisfy your emotions that doesn't affect you, then you can stop worrying about these unhealthy relationships you think you have.

It's so important to understand our emotions! When we can see where they come from and what they're trying to tell us, we can start to understand what they're trying to tell us. What kind of physical and mental function do they serve?

And it all comes down to personal self-growth!

There are so many ways to grow! You can listen to music to calm your emotions, or you can go to an emotional counseling room and find some professional counselors to help you. Of course, you need to choose a safe one. The Yixinli platform has many professional counselors. You can also choose to read some books to regulate your emotions.

And if that's not enough for you, you're now 19 years old and can decide for yourself what kind of help you want! As a current student, you are perfectly entitled to seek help from the school's counseling office. And guess what? They're usually free and professional!

I really hope this helps! And don't forget, the world and we love you!

Dear user,

From what you've told me, it seems like you've had a rough time growing up. It's so hard when you feel like your emotions and feelings aren't valued or expressed. I'm really sorry you were diagnosed with depression and anxiety. It's so tough when your parents don't understand or support you. It's even harder when they're afraid of the impact this might have on your future and reputation. I can understand why you'd want to stop taking medication and deny the diagnosis.

This series of experiences and relationships will make you feel like emotions are not allowed and that your need for intimacy can't be met. But, emotions, love, and the need for attachment are unavoidable! Your inner desire for intimacy is always there, so it's totally understandable and, to some extent, inevitable that you're obsessed with your previous secret love affair and unable to get over your secret crush on this girl.

If you want to avoid unhealthy relationships, it's really important to embrace your need for love and attachment. Learn and change your attachment patterns, understand your inner needs, and learn to meet your needs in a reasonable and healthy way. You've got this!

It's really helpful to understand your own attachment patterns and think about your relationship with this girl.

Attachment is a long-lasting emotional bond between one person and another. It all starts with our relationship with our parents, especially our mommies! There are four common attachment patterns: secure attachment, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, and disorganized attachment.

Secure attachment is a wonderful thing! In this attachment mode, parents can carefully observe the needs of their children and provide meticulous care. Children can fully trust their parents and believe that their parents love them, so they can explore the world with peace of mind. Even if they are separated, they believe that their parents will come back, and they can adjust their emotions well.

Anxious attachment: This is where the child will resist, cry, and throw tantrums when their parent leaves. They may also be very sad. This is often because parents are unpredictable with their emotions towards their children. They might give them a candy when they are good, but then blame or even beat them when they are not. This can leave the child feeling confused about what to do. They may also have a strong sense of separation anxiety and find it difficult to handle separation.

Avoidance attachment is a tough one. In this attachment mode, the child is indifferent to separation and doesn't care whether the mother is there or leaving. When the child is there, they're not happy, and when they're not there, they're not sad. This situation is often caused by the parents' neglect and lack of attention to the child's feelings. Over time, the child will adopt an avoidance attachment mechanism for self-protection.

Mixed attachment is a tricky one! Kids in this group have mixed feelings when their parents leave them. They're reluctant, sure, but they also keep a close eye on their parents. After all, they know that the people who love them the most are also the ones who can hurt them the most. It's a tough spot to be in!

This is often the result of parents who don't show much interest in their children over time, and who sometimes scold or beat their children, which causes the children to suffer.

It's totally okay to judge your own attachment patterns! From your description, it seems like you have a mixed attachment. On the one hand, you want to attach yourself and are afraid of separation. On the other hand, you're afraid of getting hurt if you get stuck in a relationship.

If you realize that this is your attachment pattern, you can compare it to your relationship with the girl you have a crush on. Think about why you think your relationship with her is unhealthy. Is it because you can't handle this kind of intimate relationship, or is there an objective factor that makes a future together impossible?

It might also be helpful to think about whether there's something inside you that makes it difficult to accept her.

After a lot of thought, they decide whether to end the relationship or try to work on themselves in the relationship. If the insecure attachment pattern makes it hard for them to handle intimate relationships, leaving a relationship won't fix the problem. These problems will still come up in the next relationship.

2. You can absolutely learn to handle intimate relationships and gradually change unhealthy attachment patterns!

If you realize that you have an unhealthy attachment pattern and cannot handle intimacy, don't worry! You can practice self-cultivation to slowly develop a secure attachment pattern, enjoy intimacy, and achieve self-growth.

First of all, it's so important to realize that you're in an insecure attachment pattern when facing relationship problems. The good news is that it can be improved a lot! For example, if you're worried about gains and losses in the process of getting along with the other person, you want to rely on the other person but you don't want to be controlled and want to avoid it, then at this time you can remind yourself that your past experiences are at play. If you continue like this, it will hurt each other, so it's time to make a change! You can try to regulate your emotions, express your feelings and needs reasonably, try to trust the other person, and try to maintain an intimate relationship in the long term.

From what you've told me, it seems like you still really want to be close to this person, but you're worried that if you get too dependent on them, you'll get hurt. It's totally understandable! We all worry about that sometimes. It seems like you're trying to find problems in the relationship or in the other person, telling yourself that you can't accept it, that you can't get involved, that you can't give too much of yourself, that you can't express your emotions.

3. Here are some tips for ending a secret crush relationship:

I just want to say that everything I've said is based on what you've told me about your experiences and feelings, as well as my own thoughts and suggestions. If you really don't want to be in a relationship right now, or if this one is really very unhealthy and has no future, you can also choose to withdraw from it.

But if you don't let your heart move, you might be pushing yourself a little too hard. It's totally normal to have strong feelings for someone you're in a secret love relationship with. If you're ready to end it, the best thing you can do is learn how to better deal with separation and your own emotions.

1) You can choose a safe way to release your emotions, such as having a good cry or going for a run.

2) Take a deep breath and analyze the relationship with her. You'll know when it's time to move on.

3) You can also take a little break from everything and do something you love!

4) Or you could focus on self-growth! Learn how to be more open to intimacy, how to establish and maintain a healthy intimate relationship, and try to establish a relationship with other people.

5) You can also focus on the future, set a goal for yourself, and continue to work hard towards it. I know you can do it!

I really hope the questioner can see her heart and have a healthy and sweet relationship.

You're 19 now, which is a time when your family of origin still has a big influence on you. But as you get older, you'll gradually gain more and more power to influence it.

It'll be tough and slow going, but this strength is like a seed planted in the soil. It's weak and lonely at first, but it has the chance to break out of its shell, push through the soil, and let the world see it.

I think it's worth mentioning this, as it's closely related to the topic the questioner is concerned about.

I'm looking for ways to avoid being tempted and withdraw from unrequited love in time, rather than seeking emotional value from an unhealthy relationship.

The questioner will realize that extracting emotional value from an unhealthy relationship will have consequences that they don't want to see. This awareness will change the way the questioner and their family members approach relationships. "Awareness is the beginning of change."

This could turn an unhealthy relationship from one of taking to one of giving. This is what the questioner is unsure about, or doesn't think is likely to happen. So, after becoming aware of this, the action that the questioner currently thinks of is: avoid temptation and withdraw from the secret love interest in time.

These actions are clearly aimed at ending the emotional value extraction in an unhealthy relationship. But are they actually possible? Can they really achieve what the questioner wants?

And if it's doable, is it the only option?

I'll share my thoughts on these two points, hoping to give the questioner some inspiration and ideas for future decision-making.

I'll share my thoughts on these two points, hoping to give the questioner some inspiration and ideas for future decision-making.

Is this something we can realistically do?

Is this something we can realistically do?

There are lots of ways to avoid temptation and withdraw from unrequited love in time.

1. Cut back on how much you interact with the other person.

2. Keep your distance.

3. Act indifferent and passive.

It can easily turn a relationship from one where you need each other to one where you're just strangers.

However, these actions will affect our emotions and feelings, which can lead to feelings of pain as we seek emotional value from others.

Plus, avoidance lets us avoid the ups and downs of an unhealthy relationship, but we also miss out on the chance to grow through interaction and turn the taking of emotional value into a mutual process. When avoidance becomes the norm, it can make us doubt our ability to form healthy, positive relationships.

Of course, if you feel like there's not much you can do to improve the situation or if you'd rather focus on making changes to yourself first, you can choose to avoid temptation and withdraw from the crush for a while.

2. If it's something you can do, is it the only thing you can do?

Our goal is to end the emotional extraction in an unhealthy relationship. Is this the only way to avoid temptation and withdraw from unrequited love in time?

Answering the previous question gives us a good idea of how to approach this one.

In this part, you can work on improving the unhealthy parts of the relationship and the emotional value of the relationship. It's easy to say, but it's tough to do, especially when the two people have their own issues when it comes to interacting, which makes it even more challenging.

I've put together a few pointers to share with the questioner for future reference:

1. Try to understand what part of yourself is being affected and see what it wants.

Since the relationship with parents and other relatives in the small family was somewhat repressive, alienating, and conflictual, the questioner's feelings weren't taken seriously. Now that he's starting a relationship with the opposite sex at school, the intensity of these entanglements has left him at a loss. But when we're anxious to end it but are unable to, it can bring us even greater frustration.

At this point, you might want to try doing the opposite. That is, you can try observing and understanding the part of yourself that is being influenced and disturbed in the process, as if you were a third person.

This is where our deep inner desires and needs come into play.

2. The two parties communicate honestly with each other, make some agreements on how they'll interact, and give each other as well as take from each other.

She opens up to me, and her emotions affect my life. I've also become emotionally dependent on her, and I may be disturbing her.

It's clear that you've reached a certain level of communication and there's an inner flow. The deeper you go, the more challenging it can be, but it'll also become more fascinating.

This is an "adventure," and the only way to make sure everyone's safe is to make a deal with the other person at the start to take the most basic safety steps, and then go see the other person's true inner world. In this kind of interaction, we also have the chance to develop the parts of ourselves that our original family didn't give us, and in turn, we also have the chance to influence our original family and feel the growth of our own strength.

I'm not here to explore human nature, just to offer my support as a therapist who cares about the human heart. I wish you well.

I'm not a psychologist who explores human nature. I'm a therapist who cares about the human heart. I wish you well.

Good day.

As a heart exploration coach, I believe that learning is the key to a healthy body.

From your description, I can discern your inner concerns, confusion, discomfort, and helplessness.

I will not delve into the specifics of your difficulties in this relationship, but I will provide three pieces of advice.

First and foremost, it is crucial to understand that the most effective method for acquiring the skills necessary to prevent your heart from being moved is to allow it to be moved.

It may seem counterintuitive, but this is the fundamental principle behind change: it is based on allowing for no change.

Additionally, the technique you referenced to circumvent attraction is, in fact, a paradox. It is not possible to identify a technique that would be applicable in this situation, as the very act of avoiding attraction is, in itself, a paradoxical concept. Therefore, the optimal solution is to accept and confront your attraction directly, which may ultimately facilitate the dissolution of an unhealthy relationship.

Furthermore, the desire to love and be loved is one of the fundamental human needs. It is to be expected that you would have feelings for the other person.

The next step is to determine how to handle this relationship, which you have deemed unhealthy.

Secondly, I advise you to consider your criteria for selecting a spouse.

It is only when you have identified your preferences in a partner that you can effectively manage the relationship with that person.

You have indicated that you are currently 19 years of age, male, and that your parents have suggested that you enter into a romantic relationship with a schoolmate. Additionally, you have expressed interest in certain qualities associated with the opposite sex. Do these qualities align with your personal standards for selecting a spouse? It is important to avoid idealizing your standards for selecting a spouse. This entails not using the criteria for a perfect partner to formulate your own criteria for choosing a spouse. Instead, it is essential to understand your priorities, what is secondary, and what is tertiary. This will enable you to identify a suitable partner who aligns with your preferences, recognizing that no individual is perfect.

You have indicated that you are unable to accept the individual in question for who she is. Based on the aforementioned objective and rational criteria for selecting a spouse, you can ascertain whether the qualities that attract you to her align with your most important personal values. If they do, or if you have a positive emotional response, which indicates that you have formed a favorable impression of her and are interested in pursuing a relationship with her, you can consider initiating further contact.

Furthermore, you have indicated that you have formed an emotional attachment to her. Is it your intention to withdraw from your unrequited love because you already like her, but are unsure how to proceed in your relationship?

If this is the case, the question now becomes how you can learn to interact with others effectively. You also mentioned in the first half of your description the various negative effects your family of origin has had on your relationships.

I recommend that you adopt a developmental perspective when viewing yourself.

In other words, the ability to get along with her and transform an unhealthy relationship into a healthy one is something that can be learned over time with effort.

To achieve this, there are two key steps to take:

It is important to understand that the negative influence of the original family can be overcome. It is also essential to recognize your own abilities and realize that you are a different person now.

You indicated that during your formative years, there was a greater prevalence of repression, alienation, and conflict within the familial relationships and atmosphere. Additionally, you noted a perception of lack of value. You also mentioned a diagnosis of depression and anxiety, and later, due to the family's sense of shame, you were compelled to cease medication. These effects should have been on you, but I hope you can recognize that now you are in college, you have acquired a wealth of knowledge, and it is highly probable that you can overcome those negative influences. You need to recognize your own strength and the power of time.

Secondly, it is important to understand that in order to establish a healthy relationship with others, it is necessary to live your life authentically. In order to live authentically, it is essential to learn to express your emotions in an appropriate manner.

Appropriate emotional expression allows individuals to learn to manage their own emotions, which is crucial for personal growth. It also facilitates the establishment of healthy relationships with others, fostering mutual emotional support.

To learn to express emotions, we recommend the IAAA four-step method: these four letters stand for "Identify," "Accept," "Attribution," and "Act." First, identify the emotion. Second, accept the emotion without judging it as right or wrong. Third, try to perceive the reason for the emotion, that is, attribution. Finally, see if the emotion corresponds to a certain action, and if so, respond in an appropriate way.

Should you require assistance, we recommend seeking the guidance of a qualified counselor.

Once you have developed the ability to express your emotions, you will be better positioned to understand her perspective and vice versa. This will facilitate increased contact, deeper knowledge of each other, and the gradual development of a romantic relationship.

It should be noted that this does not guarantee a future together, but it does provide an opportunity to enhance your interpersonal abilities through her company. This could lead to a multitude of beneficial relationships, including friendships, romantic partnerships, and familial connections. The development of these skills requires practice.

I also recommend reading the book The Neglected Child, which I believe will be of benefit to you.

To summarize, the initial step is to acknowledge your personal aspirations. Then, evaluate whether the individual in question aligns with your criteria for a potential spouse. Finally, adopt a growth mindset and learn to express emotions effectively, which will enable you to cultivate robust and fulfilling relationships with others.

I hope this response is of assistance. Should you wish to discuss further, you are invited to click on the link entitled "Find a coach to interpret – online dialogue" at the foot of this page. This will enable me to communicate with you directly.

You are concerned about the recent diagnosis of depressive and anxiety disorders. This may be a significant challenge for you, potentially related to your previous family environment. You have some thoughts and states of your own.

It is generally advised that individuals experiencing depressive episodes avoid romantic relationships, as they can exacerbate the condition. Instead, it may be more beneficial to seek out friendships and other forms of support that facilitate personal growth and development.

The nineteen-year-old male in question is seeking to avoid temptation in an unhealthy relationship.

Family relationships that are characterized by repression, alienation, and contradiction can have a detrimental impact on an individual's emotional well-being.

There is a perception that one's feelings are not valued, ignored, or expressed. Additionally, there is a perception that one is being criticized.

The situation is characterized by a lack of connection and communication.

Please note the following contradictions:

As an adult, you can also consider your future career path and the types of work you may require in the future. Your future career can align with your personal goals and aspirations.

It is possible to cultivate relationships that are nurturing and gentle.

Consider whether it would be beneficial to relinquish a particular item.

It is recommended that demands and rumination be reduced, and personal resilience be improved.

It is possible that past experiences may have had an impact on your current situation. You are aware of your own needs and preferences. The criticism and disciplinary actions you have experienced in the past have caused you significant distress.

Such circumstances can also result in personality breakdowns. While hospital diagnoses are generally reliable, if you have concerns, you may wish to arrange a follow-up consultation or visit a different hospital to confirm the diagnosis.

Furthermore, you may benefit from psychological counseling to address any unmet social and communication needs stemming from the test-oriented educational environment.

This is also a challenging situation, and not everyone can enter a relationship easily. Some people have different worldviews. Recently, you have been attracted to someone, but at the same time, you are not completely accepting of her.

It would be advisable to focus on being aware of your situation, your lifestyle, and the direction of the future. It is also important to recognise your emotional fluctuations and to seek psychological counseling to gain a clearer understanding.

Please advise.

Hello, question owner,

You have provided a detailed account of your family of origin, your current situation, and the issues you wish to address. I believe you have a good understanding of yourself.

From an early age, I found my relationship with my parents and other relatives to be somewhat challenging. It often felt as though my feelings were not fully taken into account, and there were times when I was ignored or criticized for expressing my emotions and thoughts.

I was diagnosed with depressive and anxiety disorders, but ultimately, I had to stop taking medication because of their perception of the illness, and they did not acknowledge the diagnosis from the hospital.

It seems that your parents' neglect, scolding, and alienation may have had an impact on your personality. You have been diagnosed with depressive and anxiety states, but they have not reached a level of illness.

There is no need to be overly concerned about stopping the medication. It is likely that your condition can be relieved to a greater extent through self-regulation.

You might find it helpful to try meditation.

You might find it helpful to explore some free meditation audios on the Yi Xinli platform, as they can be beneficial in enhancing self-awareness and alleviating anxiety.

It would be beneficial for you to learn more.

Your decision to seek help from the Yi Xinli platform demonstrates your awareness of the need to support yourself. You may also find it helpful to explore some of the related courses or articles on this platform.

Perhaps it would be helpful to speak with a school counselor.

Counselors are usually available at universities, and you are welcome to seek their guidance. While the impact may not be as pronounced as that of a professional counselor, discussing your concerns and emotions can often be beneficial.

"Now I seem to be seeking attention and care from the outside through friendships or love. Unfortunately, because I was under a lot of supervision from elementary school to high school, I was unable to establish close friendships with others and did not acquire strong social skills."

Given the lack of positive emotional interactions during your upbringing, you find yourself simultaneously longing for a deep and intimate relationship and grappling with the fear of not knowing how to build such a relationship.

This is something that can affect us all throughout our lives. Some people have had positive emotional experiences in their original families, which can make it easier for them to form new intimate relationships. It can also be helpful to take time to explore and deepen a relationship gradually. Many good relationships will also end before they have a chance to continue.

It's important to remember that everyone has different social skills and relationship styles. We all have our own unique journey as we try to move forward in life.

It is also important to be mindful of your expectations and to ensure that you are not becoming too attached too quickly in an intimate relationship. It is essential to maintain a dynamic balance in any relationship, where both parties are satisfied.

It is still painful to think about an underground love affair that was ruined by unhealthy over-dependence of both parties.

You have also tried to establish an intimate relationship with others in the past, but it seems that neither person was fully equipped to handle the relationship, and both were overly dependent on each other. This may have led to unmet expectations and conflicts, which in turn may have caused feelings of regret and remorse.

China also endured significant challenges at the end of the 19th century and the beginning of the 20th century. It is important to recognize that our focus on this period of history is not to revisit past suffering, but to draw inspiration and learn lessons from it.

When you reflect on this relationship, it's important not to dwell on the negative aspects. It's natural to experience regret, but it's also essential to recognize that forming a strong intimate bond takes time and learning from mistakes.

Secondly, it may be helpful to take a moment to reflect on your own feelings and needs at the time, as well as to try to understand the other person's perspective.

If you find yourself in a similar situation again, you might consider making some changes. While losing a relationship is certainly painful, it is important to remember that every relationship has the potential to help us grow.

"And in same-sex relationships at university, it seems that everyone values interests more than emotions. My parents are gently suggesting that I should consider getting involved in a campus relationship."

It is often said that university is a small society, and it is certainly true that it can be more challenging for college students to make friends than it is for those in primary and secondary school. However, I believe it is important not to generalise. We can often feel that others may not be like us and may not accept us, which can make it difficult to take the first step.

It seems that many people protect themselves by putting up a kind of emotional armor, appearing to be only concerned with their own interests and not being as considerate as they could be.

It might be helpful to try to find out if there are some people who may not be so unkind. He also has emotional needs, and you can slowly get closer to him. It might be best not to expect to have a good relationship soon, as interpersonal distance needs to be slowly closed.

"Now I find myself drawn to certain qualities in a person of the opposite sex, but I am aware that I cannot fully accept them. She shares her thoughts with me, and her emotions have a strong influence on my life. I have also become emotionally dependent on her, which may be affecting the other person."

You are aware that you cannot accept her completely, and this is a very clear perception. After all, it is challenging for anyone to accept another person fully, as we are all unique individuals.

It seems that you are attracted to his qualities, which suggests that you appreciate them. Similarly, your emotional dependency on her indicates that she is able to support you emotionally. The fact that she confides in you implies that you also make her feel trustworthy, and that her emotional needs can be met to a certain extent.

Her emotions are so strong that they affect your life, and you feel that you are disturbing her. It's possible that she may also have a lot of repressed pain and is eager to find someone to rely on.

In this situation, rushing headlong into this relationship with her may lead to a similar outcome to your previous relationship, where you were dependent on each other but unable to satisfy each other, which could result in suffering. It might be helpful to consider this so you can make an informed decision about seeking help to avoid being tempted and quickly distancing yourself from this relationship.

I would like to suggest that perhaps there is an opportunity here to learn and try again. If you always avoid the situation in the same way, it may be that you will never learn how to build a good intimate relationship.

It might be helpful to consider how many times a toddler has to fall down before they can walk steadily. Perhaps we can also think about how we can best support each other in learning from our mistakes and growing together.

I hope you can find the courage to consider other options and avoid repeating the same mistakes. It's still possible to communicate occasionally and support each other emotionally.

If you find yourself troubled by her emotions, you might consider telling her sincerely and calmly that you hope she can give you more space. It may be helpful to remember that placing too much emotional dependence on her is not a healthy long-term strategy. Instead, you can enrich your own life by getting to know yourself better and becoming more confident and independent.

My name is Haru Aoki, and I just wanted to say that I love you all very much.

Hello, and thank you for your question. I'm currently in the process of learning.

Nineteen is a great age, but it can also be a bit overwhelming. You still need support and guidance, you crave love, and you're learning how to be independent. At the same time, there are many things you can't figure out on your own, and you need to explore the unknown world little by little. Congrats on being accepted to university. University life is also a happy time, when you can do the things you like and slowly learn to be independent.

You mentioned that your family is quite strict with you, and they also stopped your medication for depression and anxiety. So you've been through a rough patch, right? Maybe you still have some psychological distress and don't get enough support from your family. You said you had a painful underground love affair in the past, which also makes you feel guilty and self-blame. Now you're in another relationship you don't think is good and want to get away from the "unhealthy" relationship because of attachment. All of this shows your caution in relationships and your high standards for yourself.

I'd like to share a few thoughts with you for your reference:

1. How depression and anxiety can make us cling to others

Your depression and anxiety might make you feel vulnerable, so you might want the company of others. But you're in college now, so you might feel lonely. If you rely on someone to socialize with you, you'll become dependent on them. So, you can try to become independent by finding things to do on your own, like reading. Reading calms us down and enriches our minds. We can gain a lot of knowledge from books. Our thoughts will be different, and our perspectives and ideas about the world and ourselves will change. What you can't overcome now will feel like you've received guidance after reading some books, and it will make a difference. You can also study on your own, learn a new skill, or find time to put on headphones and go for a walk on the playground by yourself. You could watch the students playing sports or carry your school bag to the classroom and find a quiet corner to study on your own. Gradually get used to doing things on your own and slowly become independent.

2. We can find our own friends.

We all need friends, but we also need to be careful not to overstep boundaries or become too involved in other people's lives. As you mentioned, it can be a significant issue for many people, so it's understandable that others might not want to be too close. This often leads to spending a lot of time alone. However, there are still plenty of opportunities to connect with friends, whether it's through exercise, chatting, eating, or traveling together during vacations. These moments can be incredibly fulfilling. I understand your concern about relying too heavily on friends and feeling isolated. It's essential to find a balance where we can enjoy the company of friends without feeling dependent on them all the time. The word "occasionally" is a great way to describe this. It allows us to have space and independence while still maintaining a sense of connection. Even a brief catch-up can bring a lot of joy.

3. Do the things you enjoy.

We may feel particularly lonely because we don't know what we like to do because we have time. Think about it: what do we like to do? If we do it well and share it with our friends or on your favorite social media platform, and get likes and comments, can't it also bring communication and happiness? We shouldn't avoid contacting friends because we're afraid of relying on them. Making the right contacts is good and can also increase our sense of happiness. Doing what you like is fun, and sharing it makes it twice as happy.

4. Anxiety and depression can be improved.

Psychological adjustment is also very important. Since you've asked this question, it shows that you're already aware of your emotions. So, this is the start of a good transformation. Talk to your friends more, open up a bit, and you'll gradually become "better" little by little, emotionally or in life. Your friends will gradually lead you in the right direction. We improve ourselves through communication and interaction with others. At the same time, having friends will also reduce our anxiety and depression, because we know that we are welcome. The greatest anxiety and depression of people is not being recognized by the group. So, gaining recognition and love will greatly reduce our anxiety and depression. This is existential anxiety.

You and that girl can stay in touch, just as friends. Stay in touch now and then, and let things happen naturally. Maybe you'll always be friends, right? Or maybe you'll just be friends for a while. Friendship is something to cherish. Don't ignore the value of people for any reason. I believe she also has judgment. The world and I love you. Maybe there's still a way to go before you're completely better, and we'll be there with you every day.

Hello, I am Jingyi, a listening therapist. From your description, I can clearly see the complexity of your emotions.

First of all, you have an unhealthy relationship with self-blame and helplessness. As you said, your past is characterized by depressive and anxious states.

All unhealthy relationships are just acts of self-redemption carried out in your current state. Your depression and anxiety have not caused greater stress.

Secondly, your current state is shaped by worries, doubts, and difficulties that stem from past experiences.

We must accept the past self, who grew up in a repressive family environment.

You have many problems, which ultimately lead to physical problems, depression, and anxiety. This self in need of help needs to be helped.

Your resilience is your most precious support. You love and care for yourself.

Be kind to the helpless you of that time and accept everything about that time.

Finally, let's look at what has supported you to this day and reignited your new romance. It is the power of your sensitivity and love.

You have always been sensitive and loving towards yourself. This has enabled you to describe yourself clearly, know your own state and protect yourself. When you were helpless, the power of love enabled you to grow stronger.

A seed of love is waiting to sprout and grow.

We imagine that what happens is reasonable when we put it in the ground. If there is a good feeling and the germination of affection,

Just relax and let things take their natural course. Enjoy the beautiful process, and you will see that the power of love will guide you on how to proceed.

Love yourself better, and you will know how to love someone who deserves it. Cherish this moment.

Tricks don't work in relationships. Be sincere and simple.

The rest is up to time.

It is recommended that the original poster be comforted from a distance.

The questioner's description

The family unit is often characterized by a pervasive atmosphere of oppression, alienation, and conflict, particularly in the relationship between parents and their relatives. This often gives rise to feelings of being undervalued, criticized, and scolded.

Despite a diagnosis of depression and anxiety, the individual in question was compelled to cease medication due to feelings of shame and an inability to acknowledge the diagnosis. However, it is evident that complete acceptance is not a viable option.

She has entrusted me with her confidences, and her emotional state has a profound impact on my life.

The following words are intended for the questioner.

It is challenging for individuals to accept another person in their entirety. We tend to admire certain aspects of another person and then avoid them due to perceived flaws. This phenomenon is not uncommon.

Due to the questioner's past experiences, it is challenging to satisfy their emotional needs. Consequently, they seek a form of complementarity between family and friendship. However, in reality, this kind of complementarity often evokes feelings of fear and discomfort, which is a normal response. The questioner is also able to comprehend the current situation due to the influence of social issues.

Conversely, the capacity to comprehend the present circumstances and the underlying causes of one's condition is a valuable asset. It enables individuals to engage in introspective reflection and gain a nuanced understanding of themselves. This skill is particularly beneficial in navigating emotional challenges.

Conversely, the questioner may have overstated the gravity of his emotional difficulties, while simultaneously failing to acknowledge the necessity of managing emotions and reactions in actual social interactions.

Should the questioner succeed in truly letting go of their past experiences, they may be able to escape their current situation.

The past is never an impediment to progress; rather, it is our own actions that impede our ability to advance.

Hello, host!

It's totally understandable that the original family can bring about a lack of self-confidence and emotional anxiety.

In fact, many of us are influenced by our original family, and that's a great thing!

More or less, there is a tendency towards low self-confidence and inferiority. But don't worry! There is a way to change this.

So, how do we overcome this situation as we grow up?

Is it true that it can never be changed for the rest of your life?

The great news is that as long as the host wants to, it can definitely be changed! All it takes is the willingness to change.

The great news is that we can change our emotions! And the first step is understanding that our emotions are largely influenced by relationships.

So, what are these relationships and which of them have the greatest influence on us?

From an early age, the relationships with parents and other relatives in the family are somewhat oppressive, alienating, and conflictual. It seems that my feelings are not given enough attention. Sometimes I am simply ignored, and sometimes the emotions and thoughts I express attract criticism and scolding. But, I've learned that I can choose how I respond to these situations. I can either let them bring me down or I can use them as motivation to grow and learn.

When it comes to family relationships, the most important and exciting one is the husband-wife relationship!

And then there's the parent-child relationship, which extends to siblings, friends, family, neighbors, and even strangers!

The husband-wife relationship has the greatest influence on us here! Most people think it is the parent-child relationship.

A good marriage is the foundation for a great parent-child relationship!

In the host's impression, it's so important to see whether the parents have a harmonious relationship and whether they respect and love each other.

If it isn't, don't be discouraged! It is their relationship, and you can't change that.

The good news is that you can break free from the negative influence of your original family and develop a healthy personality and independent spirit! All you need to do is take the first step and gain personal self-awareness and healing.

As children, we have the amazing opportunity to accept our elders' feelings as they are, after seeing them.

What is a healthy relationship?

A healthy relationship is one that nourishes and grows!

The most amazing relationship in our lives is with our mother!

And then, the father! And then, the siblings!

The mother's emotions will have a profound impact on the child's childhood and even the first half of their lives.

However, the good news is that most people also experience anxiety and depression when giving birth.

It's a challenge, but it's also an amazing opportunity to fully embrace the incredible journey of your child's emotional growth.

If they receive unconditional love from their mother in their early years, they will also be able to establish healthy relationships with others more easily!

Now, let's dive into the world of unhealthy relationships!

- Relationships that are unhealthy are those in which one person is overly dependent on the other and drains the relationship.

For example, if a mother loves her child but the child is overly dependent on her, it is easy to form an insufficiently independent child who constantly drains the mother's energy. But here's the good news! This can be easily fixed.

It's so exhausting! We become impatient and scream hysterically.

But there is absolutely nothing you can do to change this kind of relationship. This kind of relationship is unhealthy, but there is so much you can do to improve your life!

Embrace your authentic self and reject the pleasing personality type! It's time to reduce your dependence on others and take control of your life.

Everyone longs for a good relationship! Sometimes, in order to win someone over, we will lower ourselves to please others without any boundaries.

But instead, I will be disliked by others. A big reason for this personality is also that I did not receive enough love from my parents when I was young, which means I have the opportunity to learn and grow in ways I never thought possible!

Trying to please parents with good behavior is a great way to show them how much you care!

Once you realize you have a pleasing personality, it's time to make some exciting changes!

And then, you can reduce your dependence on others, both emotionally and mentally. By becoming independent, you can reduce anxiety and fear.

Ultimately, it's all about your own relationship with yourself!

It doesn't matter what we become, the people we like will still like us! And the people we don't like won't care about us no matter how good we become.

So, let's not worry about what others think! We don't need to be in other people's relationships. We can just be ourselves and do what we like!

When you like yourself, no matter what anyone else thinks, I'm totally unphased!

Ultimately, it is your relationship with yourself that is balanced, and you get along with everyone!

Love yourself, love your family, love others, and heal the child within you!

And remember this at all times:

"You were born to be loved and have the amazing ability to love others!"

I am the warm, sunny spirit of June, and I love you, world!

Good day, question asker.

From the aforementioned description of the problem, the following thoughts emerge.

The objective is to extricate oneself from an unwholesome emotional bond, not merely with this particular girl, but also from the relationship patterns embedded in the family of origin. The relationship with the family of origin engendered emotional experiences such as high control, accusations, and entanglements during childhood. This subconsciously planted the seeds for the cycle of these relationship patterns, while simultaneously engendering a willingness to protect oneself, which triggered the fear of entering into an intimate relationship.

The individual has become aware of the after-effects of their family of origin. However, due to the belief that they remain in a position of helpless victimhood within their family of origin, the energy of this awareness has not been transformed, and therefore has not truly changed. As a result, the neutralisation and offset of the release of old subconscious karma has not occurred. Therefore, similar situations are likely to continue to occur.

To illustrate, consider the following scenario: A high-level boss returns to the battlefield to engage in combat with monsters, operating under the assumption that he is still a novice. Upon encountering a formidable adversary, he experiences a surge of panic and flees. In reality, the monster he faces is precisely matched to his abilities. He possesses the necessary resources to claim the treasure and enhance his own strength.

To illustrate, consider a child playing near water who chokes on water and cries out in fear and anger. However, the child may not realize that they lack safety awareness and cannot swim. As they mature, they may desire to learn to swim but are initially deterred by the sensation of choking on water when near water. This fear may persist, even after they have acquired the ability to swim.

It is evident that you have overlooked the significant physical and cognitive developments that have occurred over time. These include your growth from a height below one meter to one meter seventy-eight, your observation of other individuals engaged in swimming activities, and your acquisition of fundamental swimming skills through the viewing of numerous instructional videos.

One must identify the source of the problem. Is it dislike of the girl, or is it a fear of getting to know her too well?

When you consider her, you are compelled to smile and to seek proximity, to express care and to communicate your feelings. Alternatively, do you experience revulsion in her presence?

One should inquire of the heart, rather than the mind.

You indicate that you do not like everything about your partner. It is objectively impossible for a loved one to embody every positive quality, as everyone is a multifaceted being. Having both positive and negative aspects is what makes someone real. However, in terms of emotional experience, we tend to overlook some of the shortcomings of the other person, because those shortcomings may be precisely the aspects of life that we previously disliked and did not accept, and that we lack and need to learn from.

Everything that occurs has significance. An unhealthy conceptualization of a relationship may be detrimental in the present, but may prove beneficial at a later stage.

One may choose to attempt to effect a change, or alternatively, one may choose to avoid the pain of rejection. If one is not yet ready to address the issue, and if the time is not yet right to do so, then one should simply allow oneself more time, remain in the moment, and experience the bittersweet gift of emotion. In time, one will naturally know what one's heart is telling one.

The aforementioned perspectives are my personal interpretations, and it is my hope that they will provide some insight and assistance. I extend my gratitude to you and wish you happiness and joy.

Hello. You want to know how to have a healthy romantic relationship and how to change an unhealthy one. You also have anxiety and depression because of your difficult relationship with your family of origin. I understand you.

Your parents didn't respect or understand you. They were too strict and prevented you from forming relationships. You have a hard time forming deep relationships. You have ruined relationships because both parties were overly dependent on each other. You didn't learn how to love from your family.

You have not been understood at home for a long time, so you are depressed and in pain. You have developed anxiety and depression. Your family members stopped you from taking medication, which is bad for your recovery. You have not received support at home, so you seek security and a sense of worth. You depend on your family in your romantic relationships.

Your parents' hints have led you to start a relationship in college. You are attracted to some qualities of the opposite sex, which is a good chance to learn more about yourself.

Think about which of her traits you like and whether these are traits you've always expected from your family but haven't received. Talking about your feelings helps you understand each other, but just because you talk doesn't mean you'll accept each other's strengths and weaknesses.

Be objective. Do you really want this relationship? Or do you just want emotional dependence and to be taken care of? Identify your mistakes and avoid repeating them.

You want to know how to avoid temptation. There are no techniques for true feelings. Be honest with yourself, face your feelings, and tell the other person how you feel. This is the only way to make a relationship healthy and express your feelings and needs without blame. Practice and cultivate this.

Get to know yourself again, respect your feelings, and you will become stronger. In relationships, accept your feelings, express your thoughts, and move away from negative family influence. You will form a stable inner self and feel good about yourself.

If you don't have the strength yourself, you can find a counselor to help you understand yourself, your family, your friends, and the world.

Frank C. Cadell's book, Rebuilding the Self, is a great resource for understanding how to break free from negative family influences and rebuild self-awareness. I've found it really helpful, and I hope you will too. Best of luck!

Hello, I'm listening coach Chen Xiaobin, and I'd like to explore this issue with you if you're open to it.

From your description, it seems that you may have lacked the support and warmth from your family and relatives when you were young. This feeling of being ignored and denied may have accompanied your entire growth process, and it may even affect every aspect of your life, such as sometimes having difficulty making choices and being in a dilemma. As you described in your text, you are actually attracted to her, but you know that you cannot accept her completely. You have an urge to enter into a relationship, but you also want to suppress this urge.

As for how to choose, I believe you know better than anyone what you want. From your writing, I can sense that you are still in a state of indecision and hesitation. With this feeling, let's first look at the question you asked. You mentioned that you hope to find a technique that will make you unenthusiastic.

Or perhaps I could rephrase the question: how might I live with this feeling of being tempted? And at the same time, not let this anxiety affect my normal life?

It might be helpful to be honest with this girl about what you're thinking, express your opinions, and at the same time establish boundaries with each other and know what each other is thinking. It's possible that some of the anxiety about love comes from your parents' ideas and suggestions, which may make you feel anxious inside.

However, these are the parents' views, and we should follow our own pace. It is important to listen to our inner voice and not lose our own judgment in order to satisfy them.

This feeling of being torn may be related to more than one thing in your life. You may have felt it before, but this time it is more intense, so you noticed it. It might be helpful to step back from the problem and return to your own feelings. It seems to be a kind of "want to choose, but there is something that you can't accept," "don't want to get into a relationship, but my parents seem to be in a hurry," "develop emotional dependence, but afraid of disturbing the other person," etc. One approach could be to write it down on paper, the benefits and pressures of making a certain choice, and then compare the two to see which choice is more suitable.

This state of mind can be practiced in every detail of life, such as when deciding what to order for every meal, or what clothes and shoes to choose.

Where would you like to go for fun? When you make a different choice, why not go and enjoy it? If you keep thinking about other possibilities, it might be worth trying to avoid falling into a state of anxiety.

While the above answer may not necessarily solve your current problem, it is our hope that this way of thinking and mindset will provide you with some inspiration.

I hope you can find a way to feel comfortable.

Greetings. It appears that you are experiencing a multitude of challenges, grappling with internal conflicts, and desirous of a swift resolution. Let us endeavor to clarify our thoughts and ascertain the potential for an improvement in circumstances.

First, the issue must be identified, understood, and accepted.

There is awareness of problems in the original family, yet it appears to remain "controlled" and unable to escape the influence. For instance, there are indications that the subject is aware of their mother's "school romance."

Despite a diagnosis of depression and anxiety, treatment was discontinued due to the influence of the "stigma of illness" within the family.

– There is a desire for external support, yet there is a lack of sufficient social support due to the influence of the family.

- A history of unsuccessful romantic relationships and unsatisfactory same-sex partnerships

—Having an attachment object but desiring to learn techniques to resist temptation

From the description provided, it is evident that a sense of powerlessness is present. It appears that numerous aspects of life are not developing in the desired manner, with the primary concern being the last one mentioned. There is a longing to possess the necessary skills to avoid temptation and to prevent the seeking of emotional value in unhealthy relationships. There is a great deal to be explored in this understanding, so it would be beneficial to begin there.

Modifying one's perceptions may assist in maintaining boundaries.

Although ethical considerations preclude an investigation of the circumstances surrounding the subject's characterization of the relationship as "unhealthy," it is plausible that the subject's perception of the relationship is influenced by a belief that the emotional intimacy is based on the pursuit of comfort rather than genuine connection. It is also possible that the subject has experienced a traumatic or distressing event related to the relationship, or that there are other factors contributing to the subject's perception of the relationship as "disturbing" or "offensive." Regardless of the specific circumstances, the subject's description indicates a sense of emotional dependency and a belief that the relationship is characterized by a profound level of intimacy and understanding. The subject's perception of the relationship as a spiritual connection, despite the presence of differences in spiritual orientation, suggests a strong emotional bond. It is important to note that these characteristics are not inherently problematic.

One might inquire as to why such a rejection occurs. Could an alternative term, such as "getting to know each other," be employed in lieu of "falling in love"?

The individual who evokes a strong emotional response may be a romantic partner, a friend, a teacher, or another figure. It is possible to experience a surge of emotions, yet this does not necessarily indicate the onset of romantic love. If concerns about arousing strong emotions are present, it may be beneficial to alter some of one's perceptions. In this case, the individual has encountered a soulmate with whom they can establish a profound connection on a spiritual level, rather than a romantic partner. It is possible to interact and communicate with this individual in a more natural and generous manner, simply to provide mutual support. It may be helpful to maintain a straightforward objective in this situation. It would be valuable to consider this approach.

It may be beneficial to consider the potential benefits of seeking an additional confidant or friend to compensate for the lack of social support.

Once a shift in perception has occurred, it will become more straightforward to establish boundaries in relationships. It is unclear whether this proposition can be accepted.

It is essential to gain a deeper understanding of your emotional state and to perceive yourself with greater clarity.

The issues you have addressed indicate that you have not experienced the frustration of non-recognition in your growth. Even diagnosed diseases are disliked. It appears that you have consistently exercised caution in your growth process, exhibiting a fear of failure and frequently encountering it. A failed relationship is not a significant issue. What you miss may not be a mistake. However, your self-reflection is often accompanied by self-denying comments such as "unhealthy." This "denial" and "frustration," which are pervasive, may be closely related to the depression and suppression in your original family.

In other words, all the problems actually point to the influence of the original family. It appears that you are continually "revisiting" and "deepening" the influence of the original family with which you are dissatisfied, thereby allowing it to exert control over you from the past to the present. I am uncertain as to whether this analysis is disconcerting for you, but does it align with your current state of mind?

The effect is twofold and has the potential to be a source of strength.

I am aware that it is challenging to be oneself in such circumstances. I have observed that you have been subjected to heightened criticism and reprimand following the expression of your views, which has likely resulted in feelings of immense vulnerability and a subsequent need to suppress your true self. However, maintaining an awareness of the current irrationality while continuing to act in accordance with it will undoubtedly intensify your feelings of depression and frustration.

The presence of issues within the family of origin can have a detrimental impact on an individual's well-being. However, these challenges can also serve as a catalyst for growth, facilitating the process of breaking free from the confines of past experiences and embarking on a journey of personal transformation. To this end, it is recommended that the following approach be considered:

One must accept the less pleasant aspects of one's past. However, this does not entail forgiving all the unpleasant actions perpetrated by one's family. Rather, it entails letting go of oneself and preventing the past from affecting one's present and future.

It is imperative to "separate yourself from the issues" of your unhappy past. Problems in your family of origin and the manner in which your parents raised you are all in the past. If you are unable to change them, it is essential to separate yourself from them. However, you have the capacity to change yourself.

— You are encouraged to engage in activities that align with the principles of ethical and legal conduct. It is essential to cultivate self-assurance as soon as possible. To this end, it may be helpful to reflect on past experiences that have instilled a sense of accomplishment and to strive to recreate similar outcomes. It is also crucial to take the initiative to overcome negative emotions.

Should you encounter difficulties in regulating your emotions, it is recommended that you seek the guidance of a qualified professional counselor. However, it is important to note that no amount of effort on your part can match the immense love and support that the world and I have for you. Stay strong and persevere!

Hello, question asker! I am Teacher Zhang, a listener on the Yi Xinli platform.

Your family of origin has a significant impact on your character and how you interact with others. However, once you recognize these influences, you can change them. There's a saying: "Parents raise their children's bodies, while their children develop their own aspirations." Your body is your body, but your aspirations are not just aspirations; they can also be a state of mind, a character trait, a quality, and a way of life.

You say, "I just want to know some techniques to avoid being tempted and to withdraw from unrequited love in time, rather than seeking emotional value from an unhealthy relationship." Let me be clear: this is not something that can be given to you by techniques. What you need is to "change your mindset" — to change your perspective and establish a better belief in yourself.

You need to learn how to love yourself and gain love and strength from yourself.

We are all born with a lack of love, and we all want others to love us, and we also want to love others. Many people don't understand this, and some are afraid to face it, while others choose to escape, and some even deny it.

This is because they were rejected, ignored, and treated coldly when they needed love. These coping mechanisms for the need for love were born out of necessity!

You say you want to seek care and attention from others through friendships or love. Unfortunately, you were unable to establish close friendships with others and did not acquire strong social skills due to strict supervision from elementary school to high school.

This is good self-awareness. Awareness is the first step to change.

We must ask ourselves: what do we need to do to gain the warmth and care we long for inside, and how can we gain love?

First, you must learn to love yourself! Find the power of love within yourself.

Go and see your true feelings and needs inside yourself, and accept them unconditionally. Face your longing for love and the injustices you have suffered. Confront your own criticism and resistance, and tell yourself, "It's okay, dear self, I love you!"

You must do this.

Once you gain the ability to love yourself, you will have the ability to love yourself and spare the energy to love others. At that point, you will also be able to gain the love of others!

I highly recommend three books that I believe will help you: Meet the Unknown Self, Live a Brand New Self, and Meet the Self That Has Everything It Wants, all written by Zhang Defen.

You've got this!