Was I too sensitive when my colleague's "toxic tongue" questioned me?

Hello, my name is Zeyu.

"I was hurt when a colleague questioned me with 'poisonous words.' Am I too sensitive?" It's important to understand that this is not being sensitive, it's just human nature.

The incident described by the original poster is indeed very simple, yet it can still evoke a sense of discomfort. As humans, we are all flesh-and-blood ordinary people, and it is only natural for anyone to feel uneasy when they are "poisoned" by others. The so-called prime minister's belly can hold a boat is a state of mind, but for most people it is challenging to achieve this. If so, why do we tend to overlook our own discomfort?

It is possible that the other person's words were not intended to be hurtful. In this case, the discomfort we feel may be a result of feeling questioned and denied. This feeling is essentially an internal warning from us, alerting us to how we are feeling about this current event so that we can respond in a reasonable manner. It is important to recognize that this uncomfortable feeling is a common challenge in life. Everyone experiences it at one point or another, and the trigger may be just a trivial matter.

It may be helpful to view this uncomfortable feeling as a process of projection and identification. It's possible that at some point in the past, we may have experienced this state of mind in the words of the other party. The other party's questioning at the moment might have pulled us back to that moment in the past, causing us to feel that feeling again. In response, we can choose to face up to our own growth and see our progress.

If we would like to move past this uncomfortable feeling, we can try to view the matter rationally and objectively, then let it go and continue with our lives, or shift our attention to other things and let go of this matter to wait for our emotions to calm down.

Hello, question asker! After reading about your feelings after being slandered by a "poisonous tongue," I feel that you may be taking things a bit too personally. It's only natural to feel uncomfortable after being criticized by others, and it's understandable that you're feeling upset in this situation.

If a colleague points out a sentence that doesn't flow, it's often seen as helpful advice. However, if the colleague goes on to question your initial appointment to the position, it can feel like an attack. This can make people feel very uncomfortable.

I can see that after hearing this, you didn't strike back, but instead began to criticize yourself, feeling that you are oversensitive. Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that you should tolerate your colleague's attacks.

This may be a way you have learned to cope. In the past, whenever someone offered criticism or attacked you, you would feel angry and aggrieved, but you would choose to endure it. You may have also doubted whether you should feel emotions and engaged in self-criticism and self-attack again.

It may be the case that for a long time you have been used to accepting other people's judgments without defending yourself. However, if this emotion is suppressed for a long time, it could also lead to internal conflict, which might then result in a loss of confidence and even the strength to resist.

Suggestion 1: If you feel that the other person is deliberately attacking you, you might consider responding in a way that defends your abilities. For example, you could say something like, "I hope you don't doubt my abilities. Just because I can't write well doesn't mean I'm a bad writer."

Suggestion 2: Consider enriching your inner self, accepting your imperfections, and approaching any criticism or similar feedback from others with an open mind. For instance, you might say, "My writing skills could use improvement, but that doesn't diminish my overall work ability."

In interpersonal relationships, it is natural to have a range of emotional responses to situations. You may feel anger, frustration, or a need to defend yourself. Alternatively, you can choose to laugh it off, accept yourself for who you are, and love yourself.

Hello, dear question asker!

He was supposed to listen to advice, but after a colleague had given advice, he said

Oh, honey, why do you think your writing skills are so poor? How did you get into this position? I can see you're feeling pretty frustrated and upset. I can understand why you'd feel embarrassed, too.

I totally get where you're coming from. I can imagine how you must be feeling right now. It's so frustrating when things like this happen. I'm here for you, and I'm ready to listen.

Normal suggestions are totally fine, but it seems like your colleague is attacking your character, saying that you're incompetent and unworthy. That can feel pretty personal, right?

Even if we are criticized, we should focus on the matter at hand. Don't worry! Just because this material is not well written doesn't mean that all your material is not well written.

And that's the whole point of the process: to get feedback from others to improve it. And it was just one sentence! He might not have known how to write it at the time. Just like a great writer, he also revised his work countless times.

It's not like ideas just come flooding out all at once!

Oh, did he ever write something bad when he was writing? We all make mistakes!

And there's no need for him to put others down and put himself up. It's as if he's on a high level.

It's so important to remember that people who come across as arrogant or dismissive might actually be struggling with their own insecurities. They may not be able to see things from another person's perspective, which is something we can all do better.

It's totally okay to seek advice, but it's not okay to attack someone.

I'm sorry, but I don't think this is the right way to do it.

I'd love to know what you think when you have these feelings!

What are you feeling? What do you want to do?

If you feel like the other person is being unreasonable, you can always express your feelings and let them know that their approach isn't working for you.

If he normally speaks to other people in this way, don't worry! Your feedback is unlikely to change him, so just ignore him in the future. If you still want his help, you can communicate in a way that deliberately elevates the other person.

For example, it's true that what you wrote is better than mine! Otherwise, why would I come to you for advice? The material you wrote before was praised by the leader, and you even received an award. I can't compare to you, but I also want to improve!

This way, you can take the lead and satisfy the other person's need for admiration.

But deep down, you know that your real goal is to get advice. And as long as you achieve that, it's totally fine! You also know that what you say is just to make the atmosphere more relaxed.

Come on, my friend!

Hello. I found what your colleague said very hurtful, and frankly, I am not going to remain "unmoved" by his feedback.

You ask for advice and discuss a sentence, but the other person labels you in a "high-handed" way—calling your writing skills poor and then moving on to your job competence. Such a response is completely unexpected.

You will feel very uncomfortable. There is a big difference between his realistic response and your expectations. You need neutral advice, but his response is very aggressive. It's as if you have made a big mistake and he has found out about it. This is a sudden blow to you.

Second, the other person's words reveal a sense of negation and belittlement, and they are also exaggerated negations. When faced with other people's negation and belittlement, we experience a sense of thwarting of our narcissism/self-esteem. We inevitably associate our self-worth with the evaluation of others in social life, and even if we can distinguish rationally, we will still experience frustration emotionally.

By asking him, you are also showing him a degree of trust. His response is damaging to the relationship. It's not just about his assessment of your personal work abilities. You also feel that the relationship is not as positive or constructive as you would like.

The damage to the relationship is very upsetting.

You must face and deal with your uncomfortable emotions. Suppressing them will only have a negative impact. I don't know how your relationship with this colleague usually is. Does he often express similar negative opinions, or has he always been supportive? This is a rare occurrence.

If he often treats you with condescension or skepticism, you should distance yourself from him and make a clear distinction between his words and your own. He is who he is, and you are who you are. He may be used to satisfying his narcissistic needs by belittling others. If he has been getting along well with you and is relatively supportive, you should find an opportunity to talk to him and tell him that you are surprised and upset by what he said, and you want to know what happened.

You need to communicate with him to release some emotional pressure.

I can see that the colleague's hurtful words have really affected you, and I'm wondering if you're even sure you have a "glass heart."

It's only natural to feel a bit uncomfortable when we're faced with negativity from others, whether it's rejection, accusations, nitpicking, or even attacks. We've all been there!

It's only natural that the other person's words can make us feel bad about ourselves sometimes. We might even find ourselves falling into self-doubt and self-attack.

When someone says something negative or offensive, take a deep breath and fully feel your emotions. You may feel anger, sadness, or other emotions. It's okay to feel whatever you're feeling. Just let it flow away.

Then, take a moment to think about what others are saying.

First, it's always a good idea to ask yourself: is what the other person said true? If it's about your own inadequacies, don't fret! You can always work on improving yourself.

Second: If you think his comments about you are wrong, then there is even less reason to care. You're a martial arts master, so I'm sure you'd brush off any criticism from an unarmed person about your martial arts.

So, if you care a lot about his comments, it might be because you're not quite as confident as you'd like to be and you're not sure you're as good as you think you are.

It's totally normal to carry a lot of negative emotions within yourself. We all do! And when we encounter an outlet for them, we might unconsciously vent our negativity, even if the object we're venting at has done nothing.

If your colleague is a negative person, anyone who comes into contact with him will be affected by his negativity. It's not that you're not good enough, sweetie. It's just that you've unfortunately become an outlet for his emotions.

Have you ever noticed that words can tell us a lot about a person's heart? It's often the case that people with sharp tongues have sharp hearts.

It's best to steer clear of folks who might hurt you, sweetheart.

A good person is a teacher of good people, and an evil person can sometimes be a source of trouble for good people.

Say good words and do good deeds, and you'll be lucky!

I'm sending you lots of love and blessings!

It is challenging to assess this matter with an impartial perspective. If one were in the questioner's position, receiving feedback from a colleague with the expectation of guidance and then hearing a negative evaluation, it would be a source of discomfort. The distinction lies in the extent to which individuals experience immediate discomfort or distress, which may dissipate over time, and those who experience prolonged distress and emotional distress.

It is likely that the questioner is experiencing significant distress, which has prompted them to seek assistance on this platform. It is crucial for the questioner to evaluate whether they accept the other person's assessment of their writing abilities or not. If the questioner aligns with the other person's opinion that they are particularly deficient in writing, they will likely accept this assessment. This acceptance allows the questioner to confront the reality that their writing abilities are indeed somewhat inadequate. This situation presents an opportunity for the questioner to seek guidance from the other person on how to enhance their writing abilities. Additionally, it is beneficial for the questioner to seek advice and learn from others.

In the event that one does not consider one's writing ability to be as deficient as the other person claims, one may choose to decline acceptance of that person's evaluation. There is no need for concern in such a scenario. The pivotal factor is the questioner's perception and treatment of themselves and their abilities. It is essential to ascertain whether the questioner possesses an objective and lucid comprehension of their strengths and weaknesses, whether they are capable of confronting and accepting these aspects with an open mind, and whether they are motivated to pursue improvement.

The aforementioned opinions are solely those of the author and are offered for the questioner's consideration.

Dear Question Asker,

From your description, I understand that the sequence of events generally proceeded as follows:

First, your work requires you to write a document, and you want to present it perfectly. Therefore, you consult a colleague about the issues you identified during the review. The colleague does point out something that doesn't seem right to you, and you're satisfied that your question has been answered.

Then, a colleague responds to your question, but the subsequent comments cause you to experience a surge of anxiety. You are unsure of the exact words used, but you heard something along the lines of, "Your writing skills are at a very poor level, and you were hired despite this."

From an objective standpoint, you have benefited from the substantial advice you received from your colleague. What did your colleague hope to gain from this interaction? Perhaps a little superiority, external recognition, and so he took the opportunity to extort a little payoff from you.

What is the source of your discomfort in response to the words of your colleagues?

The speaker did not intend to cause offence, but the listener did. Do you feel that your abilities are not up to scratch, but you want to present yourself as you want to be, as worthy of the role?

Do you often feel like you don't quite fit in with the team, that some colleagues don't recognize your abilities, and that you need to prove yourself?

It is likely that, regardless of their outward demeanor, your colleagues are offering you assistance. This is probably because they possess a kind heart despite their sharp tongue. It is also important to recognize that, regardless of your individual capabilities, you are fulfilling the responsibilities of your role. The most effective approach is to prioritize dedication to your studies, commitment to your work, maintaining a clear conscience, and taking a proactive stance.

As you gain experience and become more familiar with your colleagues, you will find that your efforts are rewarded and that you are able to prove your abilities and gain the recognition you seek.

Best regards,

Dear questioner, My name is Duo Duo Lian, and I hope my reply can be of help to you.

If you feel belittled by a colleague and feel uncomfortable, it seems like you agree with what she said, doubt yourself, and feel ashamed. In many cases, facing yourself is very important, and it's also why most people like to hear praise.

I'm not the best writer, so I don't know how I got into this position in the first place. I don't know what kind of relationship this colleague has with you, how close you are, or how she usually communicates with others. The power of language is so strong.

Depending on how you look at it, this saying can also be a bit teasing.

The other person has certain expectations of you and thinks you're not quite at this level yet. This is also the other person's way of communicating with others, and some also present themselves in a way that puts others down.

When you have confidence in yourself and trust your abilities, you're less likely to be influenced by others. That's what happened to me. I was promoted to this position without knowing what I was doing. I'll have to ask for advice in the future. This is both a compliment to myself and to others.

Many conflicts arise due to poor communication. Without an explanation, each person licks their wounds, unwilling to delve deeper. You can also ask the other person to explain to you. The Chinese language is profound and detailed, but others will probably forget what they said as soon as they finish speaking, and you will still be left confused.

People can only do things within their capabilities. When you put yourself in her shoes, you see that she likes to control things to satisfy her sense of security. Her casual words have an impact on others. Without awareness, there is no growth.

You can't control what other people say or do. The only way to grow is to face things head-on and push yourself to improve. Life is all about learning and growing, and it's also a chance to reflect and think.

There's no such thing as a smooth, uneventful life. You've got to accept that things change, explore yourself, and improve yourself.

I wish you the best of luck.

Hello! I see your confusion and questions, and I'm excited to answer them! Let's dive in and explore the following points together.

First, I think at the time you just wanted to hear some suggestions with improvements, not negative comments or evaluations. But often most people are unable to give others truly effective and feasible suggestions. All they can give is criticism and negative evaluations. This is because everyone has their own strengths. If you don't find a professional teacher with writing experience to give you guidance, then you need to accept their non-professional comments rather than suggestions on how to improve. I heard a fable about a farmer whose home was burgled, and he was in a difficult situation. He asked his neighbors for help, but each of them gave different advice. The first one said to let him keep a dog at home, so that he would not be burgled in the future. The second one said to have the doors of his home fixed. The third one said to not keep all his money at home... No one actually helped the farmer.

I don't know how you feel about this story, but I think it's a great example of how others can't always give you the practical help and advice you want when they're not thinking from your position. And it's possible you won't get truly effective help because you haven't communicated a clear goal. For example, the farmer in the story probably felt embarrassed to ask his neighbor directly for some money to tide him over. So naturally, others think they're giving helpful advice. When you ask a colleague about this problem, you may not have a clear goal, such as asking for advice on how to modify the sentence appropriately. Then naturally, the advice from others won't be what you want.

Second, regarding whether it is your own fragile heart, I don't think there is any need to doubt yourself like this. It is true that your heart is not strong enough to withstand other people's criticism and negation. There are several reasons for this. Either you care a lot about your level in this area, and this is a result you can show off, and you are a little arrogant inside, or the sentence he said just happened to sting you in the point where you are not confident enough. But here's the good news! You can work on becoming stronger and more confident. You can show off your skills and talents. You can become the best version of yourself. You can do it!

Everyone has their own weaknesses, and that's totally normal! It's nothing to be ashamed of. We all like hearing praise and feeling accepted. But here's the thing: if you haven't truly cultivated yourself from within, it can be really challenging to say yes to other people's negativity and criticism. And admitting your own incompetence can feel scary. But guess what? You're not alone! There's nothing wrong with you. You're amazing just the way you are.

Dear Question Asker, I perceive a sense of discontent, conflict, and self-doubt in your statements. You have reflected on yourself in the context of the intentional or unintentional judgment of your colleagues. This has led you to question whether you possess the requisite work quality and are overly sensitive to the evaluation of others in interpersonal relationships. Rather than directly expressing yourself to your colleagues, you tend to suppress your opinions and consider the feelings of others. This suggests that you are an introverted, thoughtful, and sensitive individual. You may often suppress your own opinions and consider the feelings of others, which may indicate an altruistic personality tendency.

Prior to examining the issue at hand, it is essential to acknowledge a noteworthy quality of yours: your willingness to express reservations and acknowledge shortcomings. This is particularly noteworthy in a professional setting, where seeking assistance and guidance from others is crucial. Your actions demonstrate a lack of excessive attachment to self-esteem, a relatively objective self-awareness, and a reluctance to project an image of superiority through affectation. Furthermore, you possess an understanding of the significance of mutual cooperation and reciprocal benefit in social interactions. Your approach is commendable and deserves recognition.

However, the subsequent events did not align with your expectations. Despite providing assistance in resolving the issue, he engaged in questioning and belittling behaviors, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

The emotional response to the other person's words may be one of shock and anger, prompting a desire to defend oneself and engage in a verbal conflict. Alternatively, there may be concern about maintaining the relationship and a reluctance to pursue the matter further. In some cases, there may be a tendency to suppress the injustice due to a lack of effective communication skills. Additionally, there may be a tendency to perceive oneself as overly sensitive and "fragile," leading to an exaggerated interpretation of the other person's comments and an unwarranted focus on the issue.

First, it is necessary to distinguish between the two issues: the accusation made by the partner and the subsequent feeling of discomfort. This separation allows for the establishment of a more logical framework for analysis.

Let us first consider the former. Given that he elected to provide assistance, unless it concerns a matter of personal interest or a reward was offered, he did so on a voluntary basis. As an adult in the workplace, this demonstrates that he has weighed the pros and cons and made this choice independently. Consequently, he bears the corresponding risks of his choice, including delays in work progress, being held responsible for mistakes, or emotional distress.

Therefore, as the individual seeking reasonable assistance, there is no obligation to bear the brunt of his emotional outburst.

Two potential motives for this behavior have been identified. The first is that the individual was experiencing a negative emotional state, resistant to social interaction, and hostile, which provided an opportunity for them to express their negative emotions when someone else requested assistance. As previously mentioned, as an independent individual, one is not obligated to serve as an emotional receptacle for unprovoked hostility.

Nevertheless, should the subsequent interaction reveal no evidence of aggression or self-importance, the option to disclose one's discontent may be exercised. In the event that the individual in question engages in profound introspection regarding the prejudiced nature of their discourse and offers a sincere apology for the distress caused, the choice may be made to view this as an isolated incident and prioritize the advancement of communication and mutual understanding.

The second, more pessimistic and more likely scenario is that the individual in question exhibits low self-esteem, a lack of empathy, a tendency toward pathological self-centeredness, and a proclivity for seeking high-status self-identification through the belittling of others. This personality type often develops from a background of repressive family education. In the context of a family environment characterized by the accumulation of belittling and destructive behaviors from parents or other authority figures, the child's self-identity may not develop in a healthy manner over time. This can be conceptualized as a vine that is unable to stand on its own and instead relies on a support structure to facilitate growth.

In other words, the individual is temporarily in a subordinate position because they require assistance from the superior. In this situation, the superior offers criticism with the intention of correcting mistakes, emphasizes their role as a superior, and treats the subordinate as a source of self-esteem, allowing it to further expand and grow. However, even if this may not be the subordinate's own doing, they are not responsible for the superior's shortcomings in education or personality.

Moreover, the company has evaluated and certified your abilities, which is an indisputable fact that cannot be challenged or appealed.

One must then consider why they still feel "fragile" if the responsibility lies with the other party.

The capacity for self-reflection is a valuable asset that enables individuals to examine past experiences for insights and guidance, thereby facilitating more informed decision-making and a greater capacity to avoid adverse outcomes and capitalise on opportunities. However, in the absence of adequate guidance or due to an inherent negativity bias and compulsive negative thinking developed during the course of maturation, individuals may become overly reactive to negative feedback, ruminating on it excessively.

This is a normal reaction. Indeed, the particular sensitivity to negative news is a self-preservation mechanism that has evolved over the course of human evolution. It enables us to gauge the threat of potential predators based on the information around us. However, as life-threatening situations gradually move out of our line of sight and consciousness, we tend to interpret potential risks in other ways.

For instance, when academic or professional endeavors are not progressing as desired, individuals may experience anxiety and panic, fearing that they will negatively impact their future prospects. Similarly, when they encounter negative judgment from others, they may worry, assuming that this is a result of their own shortcomings, which may subsequently affect their interactions with others. These scenarios are not uncommon in human life.

In other words, it can be argued that each individual possesses a sensitive and delicate aspect of their personality, which they may choose to conceal due to social and cultural norms. A tendency towards emotional fragility does not necessarily indicate an underlying mental illness, but rather reflects an enhanced capacity for emotional awareness.

However, this focus on negativity requires vigilance. When it becomes imbalanced, it may indicate the presence of a mental illness or disorder. For example, a person suffering from depression may believe that life is chaotic and miserable, that they are passive, weak, and powerless, that there is no purpose in persevering, and that death is the only solution to suffering.

This kind of deterministic and nihilistic thinking is indicative of a gradually collapsing psychological state. Once it is identified, appropriate measures should be taken, such as confiding in family or friends and seeking professional assistance.

This is a more extreme situation, and your situation is different, but you can still choose to discuss this with family and friends, so that they can help you to relieve your emotions and form a firmer sense of self. Secondly, if you have the opportunity to make your position clear to this colleague in the future, you can emphasize to them that you are no worse than anyone else, and that they cannot use you to satisfy their own ego.

It is essential to establish one's own boundaries in interpersonal relationships, neither exhibiting humility nor arrogance, in order to avoid the need to flatter or suppress others.

The aforementioned personal opinions are provided for informational purposes only and do not constitute a definitive statement of opinion.

Hello, questioner! I'm a Heart Exploration coach.

I can see the issues you've described on the platform. Have you faced any challenges in the workplace? You mentioned you were writing some material and then shared a sentence with a colleague for feedback. However, the colleague's response was rather discouraging, suggesting that your writing skills are not up to par and questioning how you ended up in that position. This must have been quite uncomfortable for you. Could it be that you're overly sensitive?

Perhaps it's because you're more sensitive than you realize, and you're worried about what others might think. It's understandable that you might have some concerns about your writing abilities, but that doesn't mean you're not competent in other areas. This is not a reflection of your current job performance, so it's important to remember that your colleagues are not judging you.

If I may, I would like to help you analyze and sort it out.

1. It would be beneficial to establish a correct and positive perception.

In the workplace, it's important to try to put aside any negative feelings and remember that there's always room for improvement. It's natural to feel discouraged when faced with criticism, but it's essential to try to maintain a positive outlook. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and understanding these aspects can help us better handle the challenges of the workplace. If we focus solely on our weaknesses, it can lead to a lack of confidence and frustration, which can ultimately affect our performance. On the other hand, if we're too proud and don't recognize our shortcomings, it might hinder our ability to succeed. It's beneficial to consider the opinions of others as a reference point, but it's also important to trust in our abilities and work towards self-improvement.

2. Consider ways to rebuild self-confidence.

It is often the case that a fragile ego can be overcome with the help of self-confidence. If you are interested in overcoming yours, you may wish to consider rebuilding your self-confidence. Through your unremitting efforts, you can better cope with the challenges in the workplace, constantly improve your self-worth, and usually improve your abilities and levels through learning and hard work, constantly enhancing your advantages, so that you can better deal with the problems and challenges encountered in the workplace. You may wish to consider making up for what is lacking wherever you can, until no one can find fault with you.

3. Consider learning to handle workplace relationships.

It would be beneficial to remember that interpersonal relationships are an important aspect of the workplace. Learning how to interact with your leaders and colleagues can help you integrate into the organization more smoothly. Handling interpersonal relationships well in the workplace can also assist you in navigating interpersonal disputes and prevent you from becoming overly sensitive. It's possible that others did not intend to offend you, but you may be focusing on your own grievances and vulnerabilities. Therefore, it's helpful to learn to communicate and handle interpersonal relationships in the workplace effectively, establish good communication with people in the company, and you will be better equipped to handle similar situations in the future.

4. It would be beneficial to maintain a normal state of mind.

It is important to remember that difficulties and setbacks are an inevitable part of the workplace, regardless of whether you are changing companies or moving to a new environment. It is crucial to maintain a balanced state of mind when facing these challenges. Learning to maintain a positive attitude, face difficulties and setbacks, and not give up easily is essential. Constantly seeking ways to solve problems is also key to overcoming these obstacles and avoiding being easily defeated. Learning to actively self-regulate and cheer up is also a valuable skill to cultivate.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. If you would like to communicate further, you are welcome to follow me (click on my personal homepage), choose the Heart Exploration service, and communicate with me one-on-one. With love and best wishes for a positive outcome,

It is not uncommon to experience these feelings during the creative process. It is important to seek constructive feedback that helps to improve the quality of your work, rather than direct criticism or questioning of your abilities.

When requesting advice from a colleague, it is possible that you are anticipating content-specific feedback rather than an overall assessment of your abilities. It is also possible that the other person's words have triggered your self-protection mechanism, especially if such comments have a significant impact on your self-perception.

In this situation, there are a few ways to help you manage this uncomfortable feeling:

First, it is important to understand the intention behind your colleague's words. They may have good intentions and want to help you improve your writing.

While the manner of their expression may be perceived as uncomfortable, the feedback may prove beneficial.

If you feel comfortable doing so, communicate your feelings to your colleagues. Let them know that you welcome specific suggestions and criticism, but would prefer the feedback to focus more on problem solving than on evaluating your abilities.

Self-Reflection: Use this opportunity to reflect on the feedback you have received. Consider whether your colleague's comments will help you develop professionally and identify areas for improvement.

Additionally, it is important to recognize that everyone has a unique communication style and that sensitivity is not a prerequisite for professional discourse.

Should you feel that your colleagues' comments are causing you significant distress, it is advisable to seek support from other colleagues or friends. Sharing your feelings with them may help you to maintain a balanced perspective.

Professional Development: Consider attending a writing workshop or training course to enhance your writing abilities and obtain more detailed feedback from a professional.

I have a colleague who also felt uncomfortable when faced with criticism from colleagues. However, he chose to accept it in a positive way, saying, "If you don't steam buns, you can't compete." That month, he signed up for several well-regarded training courses to improve himself.

His writing skills have improved significantly, and he has gained the unanimous recognition of his colleagues. At the time, his colleagues did not hold him in high regard and occasionally even requested that he make corrections to their work.

It is important to remember that everyone has room to grow and the capacity to improve themselves. It is unproductive to question one's worth based on a single criticism.

Remain confident and believe in your ability to produce superior work. Should you require further assistance or guidance, please do not hesitate to contact me.

You seem to have had some problems recently. This doesn't mean you're weak. It's normal to feel uncomfortable when you're criticized.

I know you're hurt by your colleague's words. It's frustrating and helpless. But remember, everyone has different opinions and ways of expressing them. We can't expect others to fully understand how we feel.

Look at the situation positively. Understand that your colleagues' doubts may be based on their concern that your work needs improvement or more feedback.

This doesn't mean they're criticizing you. They want you to grow and improve. You can take positive action.

First, talk to your colleagues. Tell them you understand their point of view, but you also need support and feedback to do your job better.

You can also get advice from others, like leaders, colleagues, or mentors. They can give you feedback and ideas to help you deal with the situation.

Believe in yourself and keep growing. We all make mistakes and need help.

I hope this advice helps you get out of a difficult situation and believe you can handle the problem.

Hello, I read your description and I empathize with your pain and frustration.

I can understand why you might feel hurt and doubt your own sensitivity in this situation.

It might be helpful to feel angry. If I were in your situation, I would consider responding in a way that would be beneficial to me.

I believe there are a few issues that we should look into.

1. Being evaluated

2. Your own feelings and mood

3. Self-doubt

I would like to suggest some potential countermeasures:

1. It is possible for others to evaluate you, and you can also evaluate others. It seems that he treats you this way, but in fact you also have an evaluation of him in your heart.

Perhaps it was simply a case of your mind wandering when you were focusing on yourself.

2. How do you feel when you are told that your level is poor? You have the right to agree or disagree with that assessment.

Ultimately, it is up to you to decide whether you feel good or bad, or whether it is just a minor problem.

This can influence the way you respond to feedback from others.

3. When someone says something negative about you, it can feel as though they are attacking you. It doesn't matter if you are good or not.

Whether or not you choose to respond is up to you, but it's important to recognize that you were attacked. Being aware of this can help you respond in a way that's best for you.

If you feel angry, you might like to take a moment to experience those feelings.

4. If it is possible for you to do so, you might consider defending yourself by responding in a way that is both humorous and biting, for example.

5. You may also choose not to engage in a conflict with the other person. However, it is important to avoid dwelling on your own shortcomings and to maintain a positive outlook.

Perhaps it would be helpful to view this as a form of self-attack.

6. To be frank, even if you have a disagreement with her, it is important not to doubt yourself! Of course, we all try to avoid this as much as possible.

Hello, questioner! My name is Ping'er, and I'm your consultant. I just want to let you know right off the bat that you are definitely not a "delicate person."

Secondly, you are a humble and eager learner who is not ashamed to ask questions and sincerely seeks advice from others.

I just wanted to check in and see if your "poisonous tongue" colleague might be feeling a little jealous of your excellence?

2. This would make anyone feel a bit uneasy, and someone with a quick temper might even get into a bit of a tussle.

3. But at the same time, he has also trained you, allowing you to see the ugly side of human nature, which is not a bad thing. It's all part of the journey!

4. You've seen his "poisonous tongue" side in this matter, so is he the same with other people? Is his "poisonous tongue" making enemies for himself? Has he taught you how to speak with high emotional intelligence, turning your colleagues into your friends and then into your followers? This is a great way to lay the foundation for you to become a leader in the future! And at least you'll know not to turn any little person into your enemy.

5. The "poison tongue" teacher also points out the incoherence in your writing. He points out your minor mistakes, and you have the opportunity to correct them. What you fear most is those who can see your mistakes but choose not to point them out, but instead say, "Well written, not bad." Such people are even more terrifying. It is also possible that they did not see it, so you must distinguish between the two.

6. You can point out the incoherent parts to him, zoom in, and say, "Thank you so much! You're amazing, I really didn't notice, but you did right away. I really appreciate your help! I need to learn from the older generation more in the future, please give me more advice. Everyone is my teacher. I believe that the "poison tongue" teacher will not change his attitude towards you. For example, there are some dishes on the plate that you like and some that you don't like. Just pick the ones you like to eat, and ignore the ones you don't like.

I wish you all the best at work, a quick promotion, and lots of brilliance, wisdom, beauty, and health!

Hi, I'm June Lai Feng.

It's tough to be hurt by someone's words. "Poisonous tongues" are likely to hurt someone's feelings, let alone a colleague.

We all react differently to words, and some people are more easily affected. The important thing is that you care about your feelings. If you feel hurt, you might as well talk to your colleagues or find someone else you trust to talk to, to see if you can ease your mood.

It's okay to feel hurt when you get negative comments or "poisoned tongue" questioning from colleagues at work. It doesn't mean you're "fragile." We're social animals, and we're sensitive to the comments and feedback of others, especially when they're about our work performance and professional abilities.

We all react differently to criticism. It's influenced by things like personality, past experiences, self-esteem, and the situation. Some people can easily ignore negative comments, while others feel more sensitive.

The key is to learn to tell the difference between constructive criticism, which is usually meant to help you improve and grow, and attacks motivated by personal resentment or other bad motives.

If you think your colleague is questioning you out of malice, it's only natural to feel hurt.

How should we react in such situations?

First, recognize and accept your emotions. Whether you feel anger, hurt, or frustration, these are all normal reactions.

And find ways to express your emotions that are good for you.

Second, once you've had a chance to calm down, try to take a step back and look at the criticism objectively. Try to distinguish between constructive comments and unfounded criticism.

Once more, think about your past successes and what you're good at. Build up your self-worth and don't let other people's words affect how you see yourself.

Keep in mind what you're good at and what you've done well, and don't let negative comments from others get you down.

If a colleague's behavior is overly aggressive, you should let them know that this behavior is unacceptable. If necessary, you can ask your supervisor or the human resources department for help.

Then, use the experience as a chance to learn and grow, and improve your skills and resilience. Understand that not everyone will give positive feedback, and adjust your expectations of your colleagues and work environment.

Finally, don't put your energy into things you can't control or change, like improving your skills and performance. And don't dwell on people and situations you can't control.

Remember, feeling hurt doesn't mean you're weak or not strong enough. It just shows that you're serious about your work and sensitive to interpersonal relationships. By dealing with these emotions and feedback in an appropriate way, you can become more resilient and adapt to workplace challenges.

Have a great day, and remember, the world and I love you!

Is it normal to feel uncomfortable when you hear something like that?

We all want to be respected and recognized, especially at work.

It's also important to remember that the way advice is given can make a difference. It's more likely to be accepted if it's constructive and respectful.

What can you do to handle your feelings in this situation?

1. Talk to your colleague: Find a good time to have a chat with him privately about how you feel. Let him know that his words made you feel a bit uncomfortable and that you'd like him to be more careful with his choice of words in future interactions.

2. Stay professional. Try not to let this get in the way of your work. Focus on improving your material, and remember that your colleague's comments may be out of concern for the work, not a personal evaluation of you.

3. Get other perspectives: Don't rely on just one person's opinion. You can ask other colleagues or friends for more feedback and suggestions.

And last but not least, self-affirmation: believe in your own abilities and value, and don't let a single word from someone shake your confidence. Remember, everyone has room for improvement, and accepting criticism is part of growing up.

And try to see that maybe your colleague didn't mean to hurt you.

Maybe he didn't realize his words would make you feel that way?

Keep an open mind and keep at it—you'll get better and better with time.

Dear Host,

I am a middle-aged man who is eager to offer you my assistance and would be grateful for your feedback.

From reading the question description, I can appreciate the anxiety and helplessness of the poster. I would like to offer the poster my support and encouragement.

Before answering the original poster's question, it might be helpful to discuss two concepts: one is called a fact judgment, and the other is called a value judgment. A fact judgment is similar to an exam where there is a standard answer. For instance, if you were to ask how tall you are, we could measure it and provide an answer.

However, when it comes to value judgments, there is often no clear-cut answer. To illustrate this point, let's consider a simple example: if I were to say that you are too tall.

This is a value judgment because everyone has a different perception of what constitutes tallness.

First, I would like to take a moment to explain these two concepts to the poster, so that he or she understands that our answers are actually based on our own understanding, our own experiences, and our own values. Therefore, the perspective, direction, and train of thought of our answers are just for the poster to consider. I hope the poster will not regard our answers as the standard ones.

Upon careful reading of the question description, it became evident that the colleague's advice included some judgments, such as the opinion that the writing level was inadequate for the position. Such judgments, if perceived as hurtful, could potentially lead to distress.

I can appreciate the host's disappointment and frustration. It seems the host was simply seeking guidance from a colleague and did not anticipate receiving such a strong response.

However, in Li Zhongying's "Brief Psychotherapy," things are divided into three categories. One category is things that you have absolutely no control over, such as when it snows. Teacher Li Zhongying calls this kind of thing the will of heaven, and we can only submit to it. There are also things that you can completely control, such as what you eat at noon. Teacher Li Zhongying's classification is your own business, and there is another category of things that we can influence but not necessarily decide. For example, our interactions with others. You can decide how you want to be, but you have no way of predicting what others will do, which Teacher Li Zhongying calls other people's business.

As the old saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

It is important to remember that we cannot control what others say or do, as these are their own matters. Instead, we can focus on doing our best in the situations we have control over.

It is important to remember that we cannot control what our colleagues say or think, as that is their own business. However, we can control our own actions and responses. For instance, we can choose to change the context of our colleagues' conversations. You may choose to say it out loud or not, but you can think to yourself, "I like to see you dislike me, but there's nothing I can do about it." When you think about it like this, don't you feel more empowered?

As the host, it is important to distinguish between facts and judgments. For instance, if you say that the sentence is not well written, that may be a fact, but if you go on to ascribe it to the personality of the writer, that is a judgment. It would be more constructive to respect the facts and question the judgments.

Given that everyone has different standards of judgment and that each standard of judgment has its own applicable scenarios, it may be helpful to distinguish whose judgment it is. This can help us to separate this judgment from ourselves, and as long as we do not approve of it, it will not affect us.

It is understandable that such a judgment would evoke strong emotions. It is important to acknowledge these feelings and allow them to flow naturally. At the same time, if there is an opportunity, we can also engage in honest communication with our colleagues. If we are going to talk about communication, we must mention Nonviolent Communication (NVC), a communication technique invented by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg. Its main points and process are as follows: 1. Observation: objectively describe a specific behavior or situation without evaluation or interpretation. 2. Feelings: express the emotional response caused by a behavior or situation.

3. Needs: It may be helpful to express the needs that arise from a feeling, and to distinguish between needs and specific strategies. 4. Requests: It may be helpful to express requests for meeting needs in a way that is affirmative, clear, and actionable.

In this situation, it might be helpful to consider communicating with your colleagues using non-violent communication. Non-violent communication emphasizes respect, understanding, and cooperation, which could potentially contribute to the establishment of more positive interpersonal relationships and the promotion of effective communication between both parties. Here are some suggestions that you might find useful in communicating with your colleagues using non-violent communication:

First, take a moment to observe and describe the problem clearly. You could say something like, "I just read a sentence that didn't sound quite right to me, and you kindly pointed out the inconsistency. I really appreciate your feedback."

This approach helps to avoid any accusations or judgments and provides an objective description of the situation.

Then, you might consider expressing your feelings. For example, you could say, "When you mentioned my poor writing skills, I felt a bit uncomfortable and frustrated."

This kind of expression allows the other person to understand your feelings without making any direct accusations.

Then, it would be helpful to make your needs clear. You might consider telling your colleague how you would like him to provide feedback.

For instance, I would be grateful if you could provide some specific suggestions or methods when pointing out problems, as this would help me to improve my writing skills. At the same time, I also hope that our communication can be based on respect and understanding.

"

It would be beneficial to listen and understand throughout the communication process. After you have expressed your views and feelings, you might consider giving your colleagues a chance to share theirs.

By following this approach, you can gain a deeper understanding of each other's perspectives and work towards a solution that is mutually acceptable.

It is also important to avoid criticism and accusations. The core of non-violent communication is respect and understanding, not attacks or accusations.

It may be helpful to try using "I" statements to express your views and feelings, rather than "you" statements to accuse the other person.

I hope this is helpful. It's always good to get feedback from the host and people with a connection, as well as attention and praise (if you feel you deserve it).

Hello, I'm Coach Yu, and I'm thrilled to discuss this topic with you!

Now, let's dive into the fascinating world of emotions! Emotions are made up of three key elements: unique subjective experiences, external manifestations, and physiological arousal. Every emotion is the result of an unmet internal demand. When we miss out on a promotion or a pay rise, we feel sad. When we lose a treasured possession that we have kept for many years, we feel angry.

As the questioner wrote, being hurt by a colleague's poisonous tongue questioning words makes the heart feel very uncomfortable. But there's a way to turn this around!

It's a great idea to ask ourselves what our own inner needs are when we want to get some advice from our colleagues after writing something.

Let's also ask ourselves: when a colleague points out the incoherence of the material, what are our thoughts and what emotions does it bring us? When a colleague says a poisonous snake question, what are our thoughts and what emotions does it bring us?

And we can also ask ourselves this: if the uncomfortable emotions at the moment could speak, how would they express themselves to us?

Let's talk about poisonous tongues! They're a fascinating topic. Did you know that most violence starts with poisonous tongues? Compared to physical violence, verbal attacks are even more terrifying.

A poisonous tongue often hurts more than it intends. There are four common types of violent language in everyday life. Moral judgment is one of them, which treats people who do not conform to our values as immoral or evil. Comparison is also one of them, which blinds us to the love we have for others and ourselves. Shirking responsibility is also a way to dilute our thoughts, emotions, and actions. In addition, forcing people to do things against their will can also cause a mental barrier.

As the questioner wrote, a colleague said something like, "My writing ability is so poor, how did you get into this position in the first place?" It's just violent language that makes comparisons.

So it's no surprise that the questioner felt a bit taken aback when he heard this. He was thinking about putting in the work on the draft and looking forward to some constructive comments, but he certainly didn't expect to be hit with a bucket of cold water! Nobody would be happy to have this done to them.

The great news is that all emotions are neither good nor bad in themselves. When we feel uncomfortable, we can try something really interesting. We can ask ourselves, "What am I worried about? What does it remind me of?"

Once we start accepting our emotions and letting them flow, we'll find it much easier to avoid acting out due to emotional repression. We can also try recording what our feelings are at the moment – it's a great way to track our progress!

You are writing to yourself, so go for it! Write about your feelings as honestly as you can. This is a great way to understand the origins and effects of our emotions and to figure out the root of the problem.

Seeking help is always a great idea! If something is bothering you, it's totally normal to need a little help to overcome it. Find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor, because emotions must be released to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

Affirming ourselves and empowering ourselves is also key! In line with the principle of subject-object separation, we cannot change the words or actions of others. When we see the truth of life, we will be able to unload our heavy burdens, release our tight inner selves, not be harsh with ourselves, not demand things from others, enrich our knowledge, and enrich our inner selves. When our core is strong, the people around you will naturally feel comfortable in your company!

I highly recommend the book "Nonviolent Communication"!

Hello, thank you for your question. I hope my suggestions will be helpful to you.

It's not that we're oversensitive, but rather that there are certain words or tones that can evoke a sense of unease in people.

For instance, even if it is a stranger who makes a disparaging remark, we still feel uneasy because such words or attitudes can evoke a negative emotional response.

In our interactions with colleagues, we often find ourselves on the receiving end of criticism that is not always fair or constructive. Despite this, we believe that at our core, we do not assume the worst about others' motives. We genuinely hope for a harmonious and misunderstanding-free relationship with our colleagues.

In terms of what happened to us, we are not so much concerned with the other person's opinion of our writing as with the fact that he has used this as a point to attack our professional competence. We can all understand how uncomfortable this makes us feel.

First and foremost, we don't take the writing level too seriously because we are not professional writers. If our writing level is not up to par, it is not a significant concern. Everyone's writing level will naturally vary. For the general public, especially those not studying literature, it is not uncommon for our writing level to be less polished.

Secondly, in terms of job competence, each of us is a legally compliant staff member who has obtained a professional qualification. When such a foundation is questioned, we feel uneasy with the implication that we may not be fully competent to hold such a position.

Finally, when the other party attacks us in this way, they may have other motives, such as questioning whether we were not competent enough to have gotten the job, or whether we used some underhand means. In this way, they are not only questioning our ability, but also our character and moral integrity.

If the words are taken seriously, they could be perceived as a slight personal attack, which can make us feel uncomfortable. This is a very natural emotional state.

How might we best navigate this situation?

First of all, it would be helpful to take an objective look at the situation. For instance, if we consider the personality of this colleague and his approach to work, we may realize that this is simply his way of doing things and that he has similar interactions with everyone. He may be somewhat direct in his speech, but it's important to understand that this doesn't necessarily reflect a lack of respect or dislike towards us. In practice, he may offer help when we need it, but after providing assistance, he might express himself in a way that is less than ideal.

It would be beneficial to promptly inform the other party, perhaps by self-deprecating or telling a joke, so that the matter can be resolved and neither party is overly concerned about the issue itself.

He is not questioning our ability to work, and we do not take a joke from the other person too seriously, so that this matter becomes a real joke or banter.

Secondly, if the other person does this not just once, but repeatedly, it would be wise to take it seriously. As the saying goes, if you tell a joke a lot, it might just become the truth. Some people even use a joking tone to express their true feelings. Regardless of whether his underlying motives have changed, when the same problem occurs repeatedly, it would be prudent to take it seriously and not treat it as a joke.

Perhaps it would be helpful to describe our feelings in an objective way and tell him that being described in this way makes me feel very uncomfortable. I also obtained my professional certificate through proper means, went through the formal process, passed the interview, and obtained this position. It is true that I am not good at some skills, but I will work hard to improve and change. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and no one is perfect. If my overall work ability is questioned because of a certain weakness or lack of sufficient skills, I would like to prove it to myself. I am not a person without strength.

Ultimately, if we believe that the other person's intentions are not merely playful, but rather stem from a place of genuine disrespect or intentional disruption, it may be necessary to calmly and clearly express our stance. In such instances, it might be helpful to kindly remind the other person of the importance of treating others with respect and to suggest alternative ways of interacting. In the future, if we find ourselves facing challenges at work and seek guidance from other colleagues, it may be beneficial to avoid involving this individual in the discussion. This approach can help ensure that we do not allow past interactions to influence our emotional state or decision-making in the present.

It is perhaps worth noting that colleagues are not necessarily friends, and therefore may not always understand each other. We may feel offended by this sentence from our perspective, but it is important to remember that the other person is not intentionally trying to offend us. After all, they do not know our character and the parts we mind. Therefore, in the process of getting along with colleagues, we can find the right time to express and listen appropriately, so that the two people can get to know each other better. On the basis of understanding, we should also respect each other.

If our relationship with our colleagues is not as strong as we would like, or we find it challenging to connect, it's important to recognize that our work is not meant to be a platform for making friends. It's perfectly normal to face this challenge, and it's something we can work on without negatively impacting our career advancement or physical and mental health.

It is my hope that through self-reflection or continuous exploration and adjustment, you will be able to find a way to get along with yourself and your colleagues.

I would like to express my love for the world and for you.