Was it just a former colleague? Was it my over-expectation, or was it of no value?

Hello, It seems that your relationship with your favorite friend has unfortunately deteriorated due to your overbearing possessiveness. Despite your many expressions of concern, the other person may feel oppressed and eventually choose to avoid you.

I can sense your disappointment, confusion, and hurt.

It is understandable that you have invested your heart and soul in the relationship, only to be met with indifference. It is natural to feel a range of emotions, including feelings of neglect, betrayal, and frustration.

This significant imbalance may lead to feelings of exhaustion. It's possible that your friend's approach is somewhat overwhelming, as a truly good friendship should ideally be based on equality and mutual respect.

It would be beneficial for both parties in a relationship to be on an equal footing. There are a few issues between you that could be resolved with improved communication and understanding.

It seems that she is not aware of the problem and is perhaps reluctant to admit her mistakes, which might explain her somewhat extreme approach to the relationship.

When dealing with this kind of relationship, it is important to find a balance between your own expectations and the needs of the other person, while also respecting their independence. It is also helpful to recognize that what you give may not necessarily be returned in kind, to learn to let go of expectations, and to respect the other person's choices.

I would gently suggest that you consider first dealing with your emotions, accepting and recognizing your feelings, and avoiding repression.

It might be helpful to find a safe environment to talk about your feelings, such as a friend or family member. It's also worth bearing in mind that maintaining a good lifestyle, including getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet and exercising moderately, can help improve your emotional state.

You might find it helpful to try some relaxation exercises, such as meditation, yoga, or deep breathing, to help you relax and reduce emotional stress.

It might be helpful to take some time to reflect on your relationship with the other person and consider whether you want to continue investing in it. It's important to be kind to yourself and to remember that your feelings are valid.

If it seems that the other person does not value what you give, you might consider taking some proactive measures, such as open communication, setting boundaries, or ending the relationship if necessary. It may be helpful to give yourself time to heal, accept past experiences, and learn from them to find a new direction for your inner growth.

I wish you the best.

From the information provided, it is evident that the questioner is experiencing confusion and distress. These emotions are present, yet the questioner is not aware of them. The questioner's desire to be her best friend is in direct contrast to the other person's control over the definition of a best friend. The questioner's independence in the relationship is limited.

Conversely, the roles are reversed: the questioner is in control of the majority of decisions, while the other person provides only cooperation and companionship. This dynamic of "dominant control and cooperative control" is constantly shifting, and it is likely that even the questioner himself is uncertain about the actual power dynamics.

Despite the questioner's efforts, it is unclear why he is pursuing this course of action. His stated objective may be to become the other person's best friend. However, this raises the question of what distinguishes his actions from those of a mere acquaintance. It is evident that the questioner has not fully grasped the nuances of this situation.

In terms of the other individual, she has numerous acquaintances who treat her in a similar manner to the questioner. In other words, she has no shortage of acquaintances who are treated in a similar manner to the questioner. This relationship model is simply the most effective way for her to meet her needs. In my opinion, the type of friendship she requires is more akin to a relationship between a nanny and a servant, or a child and a master, in which one provides care and the other receives it.

The questioner indicated that his possessiveness intensified, which is not only a natural response to the questioner's internal emotional suppression but also a genuine reflection of the questioner's internal needs. Such an outburst is perceived as a "betrayal" and "threat" to the previous relationship by the other party. It is understandable that she is upset and will not respond to messages. This is a natural reaction from within her.

Given the dissolution of the previous relationship, the two parties have no other connection. Additionally, the questioner's actions have caused distress, which has led to a lack of response to messages.

The relationship between the two individuals is influenced by their respective statuses, but more significantly, by their mutual expectations and perceptions regarding the relationship and the emotions evoked by their interactions. Equality of status, mutual respect, trust, understanding, and other fundamental aspects are essential for the formation and longevity of a relationship. However, in this particular case, these conditions are lacking, hindering the establishment and stability of the relationship.

To be frank, the questioner may appear to be a highly capable and competent male in this relationship, but from the other party's perspective, he may be seen as a "nanny" who provides care and assistance. These observations are based on my personal insights and are intended for the questioner's reference only. If there are any inaccuracies or omissions, I kindly request that they be brought to my attention. Thank you.

Hello, questioner! I am June Lai Feng.

From your account, it is clear that you have invested a great deal of time and effort into this relationships-with-colleagues-and-with-leaders-2067.html" target="_blank">colleague you like, but have not received the corresponding respect and response. This can indeed make people feel angry and unbalanced. This state of mind may be because you want your efforts to be recognized and rewarded, and her distancing makes you feel that your efforts are not valued. You feel worthless, as you put it.

In this situation, your psychological state is likely to involve a range of feelings. First, you may have experienced disappointment and anger because you have invested a lot in this colleague, but feel that she has not reciprocated with the same level of respect and response.

Second, you will undoubtedly feel unbalanced, which is due to the gap between your expectations of the relationship and the reality. This sense of imbalance will inevitably lead to confusion and frustration.

As for her mentality, there are a number of possibilities.

She is probably unaware that her behavior is hurting you. It's also likely that she is self-centered and doesn't care about other people's feelings.

She is not clear about your expectations for the relationship.

On closer inspection, it seems more likely that

When you are overly kind to her, you violate her personal boundaries. This makes her feel uncomfortable or pressured, and she distances herself.

Or she may be afraid that you have high expectations of her and will deliberately keep her distance to avoid the formation of such a dependent relationship.

If your good intentions are taken for granted, the other person has no reason to reciprocate or express gratitude, which creates an imbalance in the relationship.

Your good intentions may be misinterpreted as other motives, such as a desire for control or a desire for some form of return, which will alienate you.

It is crucial to take care of your own emotions, regardless of her state of mind. Psychology has shown that when one person invests a lot of emotion and time in another person and the other person does not seem to reciprocate, a variety of emotional reactions may arise.

This situation has likely triggered what is known as a "disproportionate return on investment," where an individual feels that their investment in a relationship is disproportionate to the reward, leading to disappointment and anger.

Furthermore, you may be experiencing a discrepancy between expectations and reality in close relationships. This is a psychological imbalance caused by the fact that your expectations of the relationship do not match what is actually happening. When people invest a lot in a relationship, especially emotionally, they often expect some form of return or recognition.

When this reciprocation is lacking, it will lead to feelings of hurt and anger.

In this situation, you must adjust your mentality. Don't care about her attitude. Don't expect anything. She won't give you any results. Think about whether your expectations of the relationship are reasonable. Have you clearly communicated these expectations?

What do you like about her? Is it her personality, her abilities, or something else?

You will be better able to deal with the situation if you can clearly recognize your feelings.

Adjust your expectations of the relationship based on the other person's feedback. Accept that not all expectations can be met. Define your personal boundaries and respect the other person's boundaries. Don't force yourself or her into an uncomfortable relationship.

This will help you establish a healthier pattern of interaction. She is making your boss confront you, which is her way of protecting herself.

Also, you must maintain an open and respectful attitude when communicating and avoid accusations.

By taking these steps, you will gain a deeper understanding of your emotions and behaviors, allowing you to maintain your goodwill and commitment while respecting the other person's feelings and choices.

You must also pay attention to your own feelings and needs. If your relationship with her makes you feel uncomfortable or unhappy, you can and should distance yourself from her and focus more on those who truly care about and support you.

I love you, and I wish you happiness!

Hello. From your description, it seems that you regard her as a good friend, perhaps even your best friend. It's understandable that you've invested emotions and expectations as a good friend.

From her perspective, your relationship is that of colleagues. This may be a weaker relationship than you had initially thought, and it's understandable that your perceptions, expectations, and emotional investment in the relationship, as well as the boundaries you have set, are all very different. When conflicts arise, it's natural to feel hurt, as it seems that her starting point is only herself, without considering what you think. It would be helpful to have the opportunity to negotiate and communicate with her on an equal footing. She simply announces that she is cutting off contact with you because you have failed to respect her boundaries.

It is possible that you may lose the friendship you value, and you may also feel stifled and angry that your past efforts have not been respected and reciprocated. You may even feel sad that your sense of value has been devalued. It seems that the "requirements" she has for you are somewhat contradictory and ambiguous. On the one hand, she wants you to be self-aware, but on the other hand, she wants you to arrange everything for her. It seems that all her friends do the same thing (implicitly, she hopes that you will also make her the focus of your attention). This may mean that you may have to give up your own needs for her sake, which reflects an inequality in the relationship.

It's not uncommon for us to become possessive of relationships that we value, wanting to make sure that we are just as important to the other person and that we are cared for. It's possible that you didn't feel this security when you were with her, so you later showed a stronger sense of possession to confirm the attention and care you craved.

However, it's possible that she may not be willing to put in the patience and effort to understand how you feel, but rather may choose to reject your new needs for the relationship based on her understanding of the "colleague relationship." Whether or not she chooses friends based on their position/status or defines the value of others in this way, her attitude and handling of the relationship may not align with your needs.

From this perspective, although you feel bad now, in the long run, this could be a way to "stop loss." It may be helpful to consider that if she has no intention of considering your needs, the longer it goes on, the more obvious the stress and pain caused by the relationship will become.

It is beneficial to consider that equality, mutual respect, and reciprocity are the foundations of a good friendship. It may be helpful to recognize that one-sided demands or offers are not conducive to a stable and healthy relationship. This experience may offer insight into your own needs, and provide an opportunity to explore friendships that better meet your expectations in the future.

Hello, I'm Fei Yun, a heart exploration coach. Life is a journey of blooming.

From the start, you had the wrong idea about intimacy. This led to the current situation. Let's look at what happened:

? 1. She's narcissistic, you're too possessive.

"It takes two to tango." You were attracted to her style and pursued her.

Sincerity means you told her you loved her and asked for advice on becoming the person she likes. You also stuck to her standards for a year and a half.

You thought your sincerity would be rewarded with a good friend or even a boyfriend, but she rejected you and treated you as a colleague.

She took advantage of your affection for her, making you run around after her for a year and a half.

You were too possessive and thought she was yours because you gave her so much. This made her lose interest in you.

What can you learn from this relationship?

You want to be in charge and expect others to be too. This gives you security.

You want to feel like you're giving and receiving something in return.

You want her to respect and accept you. A positive response shows that she does.

No response = rejection. This can lead to frustration.

She won't be discussed again.

People come into and go out of your life. This relationship will help you see your own patterns and how you interact with others. You will become more aware, mature, and grow.

3. How to keep the relationship going

People grow through self-repair, and sincerity is your best tool. If you can, let it go and communicate with the other person to move on.

Don't complain. Share your views, listen to her feelings, and show her that you both have responsibilities. Everything will be fine.

If there are no ifs, you can start a new chapter in your life. Until you meet someone better, adjust your mindset and truly seize happiness and beauty.

I hope this helps. I love you.

To continue the conversation, follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

Good morning, My name is Coach Yu, and I would like to discuss this topic with you.

First, we will discuss relationships and the self.

In "The Terrific Me," Chen Hai-xian discusses the fact that people are in relationships all the time and that the self is different in different relationships. She notes that our thinking and behavior is often not determined by our personality, but by the relationships we are in. Therefore, when considering relationships, the dimension of our thinking may undergo significant transformation.

As stated in the original post, she is simply a former colleague. Am I setting the bar too high, or is she unworthy of my expectations?

We can also consider the role of the self in a colleague relationship and in a friendship.

What is the role of the individual in an intimate relationship?

Additionally, it is important to consider what one wants from a colleague. Is it to become infatuated with their literary and intellectual qualities, with the goal of becoming good friends?

What are my expectations from a colleague? Do I simply want her company and the opportunity to develop our relationship further?

What are her expectations? Is she looking for the same level of attention and engagement as her other friends?

What are my expectations for an intimate relationship? Is an outburst of possessiveness an appropriate response?

What is her objective? To maintain her boundaries?

It may also be helpful to consider what position and role we are placing ourselves in when we feel undervalued. Do we accept this position and role?

In considering the concepts of not expecting, being ourselves, and the associated position and role, it is essential to determine whether this is an acceptable position and role to accept.

If we exhibit behaviors that are not aligned with our desired outcomes, it is not a personal issue, but rather a challenge within the relationship. By understanding our own needs from the perspective of the relationship, we can also address issues from that same perspective.

It would be beneficial to communicate with her once, address the relationship, discuss the relationship, express our thoughts honestly, listen to her thoughts carefully, and acknowledge the current situation between us. It is not realistic to expect to truly understand each other's thoughts or ideas in one communication. Furthermore, it is not our intention to deliberately change the other person. Our goal is to understand each other and unlock more possibilities, while also releasing our pent-up emotions.

Additionally, it is important to prioritize self-care and self-love.

From the standpoint of current relationships, the primary issue is our state of mind. Therefore, based on the principle of separating issues, the end goal of a good relationship is a spontaneous and voluntary choice, made after understanding our true inner needs.

If this issue is causing you difficulty, it may be helpful to seek assistance from a trusted family member or friend. Additionally, you may wish to consider speaking with a counselor, as emotional release can be beneficial in relieving stress and negative emotions.

It is also important to empower ourselves, as any change begins with ourselves. We can do this by spending time in nature, listening to the sounds of animals, enjoying the scents of flowers and trees, and appreciating the beauty of life. This can help us to let go of any concerns we may have. Finally, it is essential to maintain an open and positive mindset, as this allows us to make our own choices.

We recommend the following book: "Amazing Me."

Thank you for your question.

I understand your confusion. You have invested significant time, energy, and resources in maintaining this relationship and fostering these feelings. For a year and a half, this individual readily accepted your gifts. However, you were taken aback when they began treating you as an ordinary colleague and even informed the boss that you were pestering them. This led to your departure from the company. As a result, you have become former colleagues. Six months have passed, and it seems that you are most reluctant to let go of the suspicion that you have done something wrong that has led to this result.

For example, do you have overly optimistic expectations of her, or do you lack self-worth and believe you are undeserving of being her "good friend"? Let's examine this further together.

[Your reluctance]

You have indicated that you have a positive regard for her and are infatuated with her. You have expressed to her your desire to become her best friend and have demonstrated an understanding of her preferences and an effort to meet her demands. You believe that maintaining this approach will increase the intimacy of the relationship. However, you have expressed concern that she does not reciprocate your efforts by showing concern for you. Even when you have demonstrated possessive behavior, she has not understood you, ignored you, and even slandered you, which has affected your work. She has even insisted, repeatedly mentioning it, that "it is your fault" that this situation has arisen.

The use of the word "incredible" to describe the harm she has done to you is a cause for concern. It appears that you are placing her feelings and needs above your own, and that you are still contemplating whether you have been treated this way because you believe you are worthless. This kind of self-doubt is a repetitive cycle of self-harm, similar to the pattern of abuse you have experienced.

[Regarding boundaries]

Boundaries are the limits and principles in our interpersonal relationships, and they refer to the limits of one's psychological space. Each individual has their own subjective definition of the relationship between you and me.

For example, I view you as a potential romantic interest. I am infatuated with you, and my focus is on pursuing a relationship with you, getting close to you, and maintaining proximity. I anticipate the possibility of transitioning from a professional colleague relationship to a more personal one, such as a good friend or romantic partner. You, on the other hand, may only see me as a colleague. This is how each person perceives the relationship. There is no right or wrong here.

It should be noted that relationships are dynamic and sometimes ambiguous. For example, even if two individuals engage in consensual sexual intercourse, they may not necessarily be in a romantic relationship.

It is therefore sometimes necessary to confirm the relationship with the other person through confession and feedback. This allows us to ascertain whether they are willing to confirm the relationship as lovers, make the relationship public, etc. This then allows us to adjust our own behaviour and protect the boundaries of the relationship. It is not that you have too high expectations of her, but that you and she have different perceptions of the relationship.

In general, individuals with a robust sense of boundaries possess a clear understanding of their own boundary rules, demonstrate resilience to external influence, and respect the boundaries of others.

The issue is not that sending multiple emails to her inbox violates her boundaries. The issue is that you are afraid to face your true emotional feelings and are "emotionally kidnapped."

For example, they like and pursue. You are reluctant to express yourself directly, so you interact by "becoming good friends," which allows her to exploit the ambiguity of your boundaries and lead you to make sacrifices for her. Her statement, "All of her friends do this to her," is a form of emotional manipulation, but you are unable to recognize it.

Another example is anger and dissatisfaction. When you feel dissatisfied, instead of considering the actions that may have caused this, you express your emotions by "flooding the screen to call her out."

This is precisely how she exploits the situation. If she genuinely has a robust sense of boundaries, she will not be unduly influenced by your emotions. Furthermore, she will leverage her relationship with the boss to exert influence over you.

[Regarding sense of value]

Individuals who are susceptible to emotional manipulation often require significant external validation to establish their self-worth. They tend to have a negative self-perception.

For example, "I'm not important," "I'm not good," "I'm not valuable." Those with this mentality often become increasingly demanding of themselves, striving to achieve perfection in order to conform to what they believe to be "other people's standards."

It is important to establish your own value standards, face your emotions, think about the events that trigger your emotions, your thinking patterns, the way you handle things, record them, and think about the whole thing rationally. It is also crucial to get to know yourself, recognize yourself, and be true to yourself, rather than living in a perfect "idealized image."

You are aware of your personal attributes and do not require external validation. You are capable of taking appropriate action to protect yourself without experiencing any sense of guilt.

I hope this information is helpful to you.

I am the individual responsible for potato farming, and I have grown up with you. I appreciate your attention.

Everyone is a child with their own interests.

Everyone is good at feeling differently.

The other person is a girl who is very sensitive to her own feelings. When you asked her how you could be good friends with her, she had a lot of demands, and you changed a lot for her.

2. Different concerns require different information processing.

Your focus is on being good friends with her. She, however, is someone who pays great attention to her own feelings. The information you each receive, care about, and process is different.

3. The other person has already chosen who they want to be with.

She doesn't only care about the boss and only listens to the boss. If you are the boss, you will not pay excessive attention to an employee, causing the employee distress.

The boss and the employee are only related financially, so they don't want any other kind of relationship. No one wants their employees to require a lot of time and effort to train. She doesn't want to be surrounded by bosses, but she wants the people she comes into contact with to know how to keep their distance from their employees, just like a boss would.

She wants people who can maintain a distance. If she just likes to be with people who care about her feelings and respect them, then she will only get close to people who she knows will listen to her.

Dear questioner, I can see you have high expectations for friendship and have tried a lot to make it work. I'm sorry you've had such a tough time.

Your feelings and contributions are precious. Friendship is mutual, warm companionship. The sincerity and kindness you have shown are worth respecting and cherishing.

You mentioned doubting your work is being belittled because it's not valuable. I'll share a story. There was once a painter who created a beautiful painting, but no one ever bought it.

He was depressed and felt worthless. Then a child said, "Wow, this painting is beautiful!"

The painter realized that his paintings weren't worthless, but that no one had appreciated them. Your value is not defined by others.

Your kindness, talent, and appreciation of friendship are all good things.

Your self-worth should be based on your own perception and affirmation of yourself.

Pay attention to your inner needs, interests, and hobbies. This will help you feel good about yourself, even if others don't.

I have some advice for your problem with her.

Start relaxed and natural. For example, "Hi, I want to talk about our friendship and share some feelings."

"Then you can say what you need, for example: "I've given a lot to our friendship, but I also want to receive something in return. I want our friendship to be a two-way street, where we can support and accompany each other.

Also, listen to her thoughts and feelings, respect her views, and don't push too hard.

You can also try to adjust your expectations and mindset.

First, give yourself time to meet new people. That way, you won't feel lost if her friendship ends.

Join interest groups, social activities, or volunteer projects to meet like-minded people.

Second, focus on your own needs, interests, and hobbies. This will help you stay true to yourself.

Treat her kindly and with a smile.

Don't be discouraged if she doesn't respond positively sometimes. Believe in the power of friendship and trust that your relationship can improve.

You are special and valuable. Your existence and contributions are worthy of respect.

Don't doubt your value. Believe in yourself. Friendship is important, but it's not everything. Stay open and positive. Welcome new people and things into your life!

You'll find the right friends and happiness.

First, have an honest, calm conversation with her. Tell her your feelings and needs, and listen to her thoughts and feelings. Communication is the key to solving problems. Honesty and respect are the basis for effective communication.

Second, adjust your expectations and mindset. Friendship is mutual and equal.

Let go of your obsessions and expectations. Let friendships develop naturally. Expand your social circle and make more friends.

If there are problems in a friendship, you won't feel lost or helpless.

Your value is not defined by others. Cherish yourself, treat yourself well, and believe in yourself.

No matter what, stay calm, be kind, believe in friendship, and believe in yourself. I'm here for you.

I hope you find the friendship and happiness that is truly yours. Go for it!

From what you've told me, it's clear you've invested a lot in this relationship but haven't received the respect you deserve. This has left you feeling lost and confused. Here are my views and suggestions:

First, regarding your relationship with her, you were once very infatuated with her and put in a lot of effort, but it seems that she didn't reciprocate in the same way. She said that she wanted a friend with a sense of independence who could arrange everything for her, so you tried your best to do that.

But have you ever stopped to think whether these relationships are actually healthy? A true friend should support, understand and respect each other, not one party unilaterally giving to the other.

Secondly, regarding the issue of her not replying to messages, I understand your anxiety and impatience. However, everyone has their own way of dealing with things and their own pace. She may not have meant to not reply to your messages, but she has her own reasons and considerations.

Sending her a message on social media and calling her out is not the solution here. It will only make her feel worse. Give her some space to handle her own affairs while you learn to control your emotions and expressions.

Finally, I want to be clear that your value is not determined by your position or status. Everyone has their own value and importance, whether at work or in life.

You must value and respect yourself if you want to be valued and respected by others. You also need to learn to communicate and relate to others effectively so that you can gain their recognition and support.

In short, interpersonal relationships are complex and require careful management and maintenance. Learn to understand others, respect others, control your emotions and expressions, and protect your rights and dignity.

I am confident that these suggestions will be helpful to you.

Dear friend, I can see you're upset. It's normal to feel hurt and confused when a relationship suddenly changes. It's hard to feel like your efforts haven't been recognized.

Your feelings are valid. Everyone wants to be respected and reciprocated.

Building relationships is complex. It involves expectations, communication styles, and personal boundaries. The situation you describe involves a conflict between a dependent personality and an independent personality.

Dependent people look for support in relationships. Independent people value their personal space.

You seem to be trying to be a "caregiver" and gain approval by arranging everything. This may infringe on the other person's space, causing stress. The friend may be used to having others arrange everything. This may be a coping mechanism or the way she gets along.

Everyone has their own boundaries and comfort zones. When these are violated, it can cause discomfort. Your actions may have exceeded her comfort zone and caused her to react.

Your "possessive outburst" may be a sign of your emotional investment, but it could also be that you have high expectations for the relationship. This emotional reaction is common to all humans, especially when we feel that our emotions are not reciprocated.

This emotion can also make you act more aggressively in search of a response. However, this may make the other person feel more uncomfortable, causing them to act defensively.

It's normal to expect a response in relationships. It's important to find a balance that makes both people feel comfortable and respected.

You may feel undervalued because your expectations of the relationship differ from reality. The "weak colleague link" may reflect that the other person's perception of the relationship differs from yours.

Everyone values relationships differently. In the workplace, relationships are often more complicated.

The time and energy you invest in a relationship and your expectations of it affect your emotions. You may need time to process these emotions and find a way forward.

Think about yourself, your behavior in relationships, and your motives. Understand your needs and expectations and learn to express them in a healthy way.

Take care of yourself and find a way forward. Have an honest conversation with her.

Set healthy limits for yourself and learn to balance your relationships. Don't become too dependent or neglect your needs.

Focus on yourself. Develop your own interests and socialize with people who support you.

Your value is not based on what others think. In the workplace, professional skills and social skills are both important.

By learning and growing, you can become more confident in future relationships.

Dear questioner, My name is Duoduo Lian, and it is my hope that my reply will prove beneficial to you.

The individual in question becomes infatuated with the other person's gentleness and intelligence, and thus becomes their best friend. The individual then proceeds to follow the other person's requests and to spend unilaterally on expenses and arrangements during the one-and-a-half-year process of getting along. Furthermore, the individual attempts to control the other person and to annoy them until they tell their best friend and boss to let the individual leave the company.

You feel aggrieved and helpless. You have devoted time, energy, and financial resources, and in the end, you were fired by your boss. You are unsure of what you did wrong. Now, your colleagues are still complaining about you, which is damaging the relationship between colleagues. It seems that you are quite aggrieved. The key issue is that you are not being recognized. A year and a half of hard work has been exchanged for a casual dismissal and a dismissive attitude of "no willingness, no responsibility."

The female colleague is gradually distancing herself from the situation, attributing her own actions to external factors, avoiding accountability, and adopting a victim mentality, thereby placing the blame on you. Have you observed this pattern? The colleague's primary objective seems to be avoiding any further contact with you, as this would have adverse consequences for her. This is a common human response. By protecting yourself, you can ensure your safety.

The behavior of your colleague towards you is also a reflection of your own actions. Your concern about being abandoned by the other person leads you to cling to your colleague, swiping your screen and waiting for her to reply, which causes her great frustration. Is it so difficult to reply to a message? We are all engaged in our own activities, protecting ourselves.

Your former colleague benefited from your care and did not reciprocate. You accompanied her for more than a year and gained insight into her character. She expected everything to align with her preferences, otherwise she would not maintain a friendship. She was aware of your dependency on her. There are four principles that underpin the formation and maintenance of long-lasting relationships: independence, returning to your original position, value exchange, and carrying capacity.

There is no benefit in continuing to associate with you. As previously stated, you are not the superior in this situation and are therefore unable to provide value to your colleagues. Your presence is, in fact, detrimental to the work environment. She is aware of how to protect herself and is merciless. She has also taught you a lesson and given you a gift in this matter. Have you received it?

It is imperative to return to one's own self-reflection. It is crucial to recognize that no individual is of greater importance than oneself. It is essential to prioritize self-care and self-protection, and to become the master of one's own life.

I extend my sympathies to you.

You have feelings and expectations for this friend that are too strong. You are also very possessive. Your friend wants you to be more independent.

You treat her like your own personal companion, which makes her feel bound and controlled. This makes her feel dissatisfied and resentful.

Second, you're too possessive. This makes you dependent and clingy, which is a burden for your friend. When she tries to set boundaries, you lash out and vent to others, which makes her feel worse.

This makes her feel invaded and attacked, which makes her resistant and resentful.

In a friendship, both parties should have their own needs and space. You should learn to let go of your possessive and over-expecting mentality and respect her personal choices and boundaries.

Instead of relying on her, you should develop your own interests and socialize with others. If you still want to be friends, communicate honestly, listen to her, and find a balanced friendship.

Next, we'll look at the problems you have from a psychological perspective and give you solutions.

1. You are too possessive. You want to control her to feel secure.

This behavior often damages the friendship.

Solution: Know you're possessive. Let go of controlling her. Grow your independence.

Find other ways to satisfy your emotional needs.

2. You don't know when to stop. You're too dependent and clingy. This makes her stressed and causes conflicts.

Solution: Learn to respect the other person's space and don't rely too heavily on them. Try to balance your own needs with respecting the other person's space.

Talk openly, understand each other, and be respectful.

3. You depend on the other person for your emotions and can't manage them well. When they don't act the way you want, you feel anxious and complain.

Solution: Learn to manage your emotions. Try deep breathing, relaxation exercises, or keeping a diary.

Have a positive mindset, accept others' choices and actions, and don't depend on others to control your emotions.

Be aware of your possessive tendencies and work to be more independent. Respect the other person's space and needs.

Learn to manage your emotions and don't depend on others too much. If you need help, see a counselor.

Dear Question Asker, My name is Evan, and I am a counselor trained in the Transactional Analysis school of thought.

From the questioner's description, it is evident that there is confusion regarding the appropriate way to interact with others in a professional setting. It is clear that the questioner is facing significant challenges in this regard. In this particular friendship, it is apparent that the questioner has invested a great deal of effort and has also experienced a considerable amount of misunderstanding and distress.

The management of interpersonal relationships is a highly intricate and sensitive process, particularly when the professional and personal spheres converge. The sentiments expressed by the questioner are understandable, and it is not uncommon to experience a sense of bewilderment and helplessness in such circumstances.

In order to maintain positive relationships with others, it is essential to ensure that our needs are being met. The questioner highlighted that when she was in a relationship, she was accustomed to giving without expecting anything in return. However, when her possessiveness increased, it led to the dissolution of the relationship.

In this relationship, it is evident that the questioner has invested a great deal. However, it is unclear whether the questioner has explicitly defined the nature of the relationship they desire. When one party in a relationship experiences intense emotions, it can lead to significant changes in the relationship dynamics.

The reason for this relationship's evolution may not be contingent on the questioner's role, but rather on the questioner's emotional state and disposition. As the questioner noted, your possessiveness has intensified, and your friend may perceive your actions as pressuring her or as a lack of autonomy.

Additionally, the questioner's friend may perceive an imbalance in the nature of the friendship. The friend may feel overwhelmed by the questioner's contributions and reluctant to assume such a significant role. When one party to a relationship alters the established dynamic, the other party may experience discomfort and even perceive a sense of pressure or threat. This is a common occurrence.

It is an unavoidable consequence of a change in one party to a relationship that the relationship itself will also change. However, it is possible that the change in this relationship may prove difficult to accept.

The friend of the questioner mentioned a sense of boundaries, which is usually a very important aspect of interpersonal relationships. A sense of boundaries means that everyone needs a certain amount of personal space and independence in a relationship.

When these boundaries are transgressed, it can lead to discomfort and tension. This is why the questioner's friend will criticize and accuse the questioner. Perhaps in your opinion, you just want a response, but in the eyes of the other person, you may feel that you are invading her boundaries, so she has taken corresponding measures to protect herself.

It is essential that both parties feel comfortable and respected during communication. Prolonged scrolling or excessive messaging may create a sense of pressure for the other person, which could be a contributing factor in their decision not to respond.

Effective communication requires respect and understanding of the other person. Additionally, her evaluation and accusations of the questioner may be a form of self-protection.

She may be reluctant to address her own issues, but instead chooses to deflect blame onto the questioner to avoid taking responsibility. This kind of behaviour is immature and unfair.

While the reason for the questioner's dismissal from the company may have been partially due to the outburst, the underlying cause may still be the company's and boss's assessment of the questioner in certain respects. For instance, the boss may have been concerned about the potential for close relationships among subordinates, or he may have been considering the impact on the company if the matter escalated. Consequently, he took a specific approach.

The questioner can learn from this experience and enhance their professional capabilities, thereby gaining the respect and appreciation of their colleagues and clients.

I would like to reassure the questioner that their value is not defined by others. Their work, dedication, and existence are all valuable.

Do not allow this incident to affect your self-worth. Instead, approach life and work with renewed confidence and seek out individuals who genuinely appreciate and respect you.

Additionally, it is important to maintain a healthy balance and independence in friendships, and to avoid placing undue reliance on the opinions of others.

While this experience was painful for the questioner, it also presented an opportunity for learning and growth. It highlighted the importance of managing expectations and provided insights into maintaining a healthy relationship.

By reflecting on the experience and learning from it, the questioner can gain a deeper understanding of themselves and make positive improvements. They can also identify those who truly deserve their dedication and appreciation.

Hello. I am Bai Li Yina, and I am going to give you some warmth and help.

The questioner confided in a friend that she really liked, saying that only someone who can arrange everything for her is qualified to be her friend. You did it, and because of an outbreak of conflict, you saw her true colors. The time and energy you put in for her didn't count, and you even lost your job. All the blame is on you, and you feel very confused. Why did she treat you this way? You were a former colleague who had high expectations of her and was no longer useful to her.

[Situation analysis]

I fell in love with her because of her literary, gentle, and intellectual nature. I was infatuated and overlooked her flaws, saw only her merits, listened to her, and kept giving according to her demands. I got nothing but a bellyful of anger and an experience. You have grievances, unwillingness, and various doubts that you can't believe you would come to such an end. What you gave her has never left a mark in her heart. I give you a warm hug.

From the start, your relationship has been one-sided. When you were infatuated with her and expected her to treat you as a friend, it was fine because you assumed she would reciprocate.

When you realize that your expectations cannot be fulfilled, a huge conflict will arise between you. At this time, you will discover from her various behaviors that you are not even considered a friend in her heart. Your good deeds towards her will become evidence of your attachment to her, and the time and energy you have invested in her will become a source of complaints for her and her best friend. This will become a crime of destroying the relationship between colleagues.

Let's examine the reasons behind your pain.

1. Meeting the wrong person and being cruelly abandoned

2. You were hurt by the other person's words and actions, and you doubted your self-worth.

3. It's been two years since the incident, but you still feel sad and aggrieved whenever you think about it. You don't understand why the other person behaved that way.

[Questions to consider]

1. Think back. Before the conflict, during the year and a half you spent together, did you ever find any of her thoughts or behaviors that you didn't like or couldn't accept?

2. If someone told you from the start, "I just want to enjoy the good things you do for me, enjoy your dedication, and I can be there for you, but I can't be true to you," how would you respond?

3. I want to know what you think is the value of being valued.

[Recommended methods to try]

1. You will not learn everything about someone at once. The little things you do together will reveal her character and the way she views problems. Pay attention to the differences between you. When you get along, when you feel uncomfortable, it's your body telling you something. Look for the reason why you feel uncomfortable and you will discover the other person's shortcomings.

2. Nobody's perfect. You can only be friends if you like each other's good points and accept each other's shortcomings. It's the same as if you know she's selfish, hedonistic, and ungrateful, but you're still willing to be nice to her. She's shown her shortcomings, which you can't accept, so you won't become friends, regardless of the value.

There's nothing wrong with accepting or not accepting. It's a personal choice.

3. You said that you learned not to expect and to be yourself through this incident. I strongly believe that you should learn to be yourself. You care too much about the other person and ignore yourself, resulting in blind devotion without any rewards and without realizing that it is wrong. However, it is difficult to do without expectations, unless you no longer want to meet someone you like.

It's natural to have expectations for someone we like. The key is to find the truth in our expectations. We need to discover what kind of person the person we like really is and whether they are worth liking. This process of discovery is essential to getting along with others.

4. Don't be discouraged. You're fine. She's not the right person for you. You're sincere and enthusiastic with your friends. Don't doubt your own value because of that. Believe that you are worth getting to know. Wait for the next person with discerning eyes to appear.

I am confident that the above methods will help you.

You'll get through this. It'll take time and patience, but you will get through it. Don't worry or be afraid. Many people are experiencing or have experienced similar problems, and you will get through this too.

The world and I are with you. You are not alone. You will find your own most comfortable state and an early solution to the fog in your heart.

To those who have liked and provided feedback, thank you. I wish you peace and joy.