Water droplet fundraising, a strong sense of shame welled up in my heart, and I didn't know how to face it.

Hello, I'm Xintan Coach Fei Yun. I'm here to listen to you.

I understand. You helped your loved one with a serious illness and a huge medical bill.

This is good. You are filial to your grandmother. But you worry people will look down on you.

Let's look at what's bothering you.

1. Understand how shame is generated.

Shame is a painful feeling caused by things like personality flaws, abilities, appearance, etc. or when what you do doesn't match what's expected.

It makes us feel depressed, inferior, self-deprecating, self-doubting, desperate, etc.

If you do something in public, it makes you feel worse. For example, you think that your friends know you're fundraising for water.

You're ashamed because you think others will look down on you because your family is poor.

A healthy sense of shame helps us adapt to social life and improve ourselves. But too little or too much shame is bad for us.

Your sense of shame is an inferiority complex. Everyone has different degrees of this. Adler's "Inferiority and Transcendence" explains this well.

Low self-esteem makes you feel like you're not good enough. This is not true. People with low self-esteem are just as capable as people with confidence.

2. Know yourself and have confidence in yourself.

Self-worth is a personal opinion.

If you have something valuable, you feel entitled to it. You are worthy of having it if you believe you are valuable.

However, we often care what others think, especially if it's negative. A glance or word can make us sensitive and suspicious.

Our parents' criticism, rejection, and accusations affect us when we're young. This can make us feel worthless, sensitive, and insecure.

People with strong self-worth want to improve themselves and have good qualities.

To have self-worth, you have to believe you're valuable. Believe from the heart.

You can achieve this through healing, reconnecting with your childhood, and changing from the inside out.

If you feel good about yourself, you'll seem confident. Confidence is the foundation of self-respect.

Self-confidence is believing in yourself.

This kind of confidence is true confidence. It comes from the heart and is unconditional.

He doesn't need to prove himself. He believes in himself and respects others. If you are confident, you don't need to prove anything.

Everyone is kind. Thank those who help you.

"Drip Fund" is a mutual platform for support when you need it. Let go of your inner obsession, study hard, and help the motherland and people in the future.

I hope this helps. I love you.

Click "Find a coach" to continue communicating. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Dear Classmate, From your account, I understand that your family is experiencing financial difficulties.

You initiated a fundraising campaign on Weibo. This prompted feelings of embarrassment, particularly when your classmates also provided enthusiastic assistance by posting about it on their Moments. This led to further discomfort, as you worried that the entire school would become aware and that you would appear to lack dignity, as if you were seeking charity.

As someone who cares about appearances and has a strong sense of self-esteem, you may feel ashamed of being poor. I can relate to this, as I have had a similar experience.

During my childhood, my family was also economically disadvantaged. Our financial situation was so constrained that we struggled to provide basic sustenance.

I have two older brothers, both of whom died of starvation. After I got married, my child was less than a year old when my husband also contracted cancer.

I lacked the financial resources to cover the costs of treatment, so I sought loans from various individuals. At the time, there were no publicly available welfare initiatives like Water Drop, and the borrowed funds had to be repaid.

Many individuals were reluctant to extend credit to me due to concerns about my ability to repay. Your family can initiate a fundraising campaign on Water Drop, with the advantage of not having to repay the funds.

Despite the passage of more than two decades, I retain a clear recollection of the challenges we faced. Undoubtedly, it was a trying ordeal.

However, it was also through this experience that I underwent significant personal growth.

The initial challenge was my perception of my family's financial situation. It was important to recognize that poverty was not a result of any personal shortcomings.

The circumstances of one's birth are beyond our control.

Being poor simply indicates that we began from a disadvantaged position, just as some individuals are born into affluent families and have a more advantageous start in life than we do. When we ourselves have not engaged with society to pursue opportunities, this is not a reason for us to feel ashamed, but rather a motivating factor for us to take action.

Poverty is not a personal responsibility.

Regarding your personal situation, you are younger than I was when I faced similar challenges.

As a young person, you have numerous opportunities and a wealth of possibilities at your disposal. When I borrowed money from others, I promised that I was young and that I would certainly be able to repay the loan.

Have confidence in yourself. You are still in college, which provides you with a valuable asset in today's job market.

You have received a higher education, which provides numerous advantages in the professional sphere. It is important to believe in your own value and capabilities, and to recognize that you have the potential to create wealth.

At that time, I was able to overcome these challenges with the belief that they were only temporary difficulties.

Let us consider the psychological reasons behind feelings of shame associated with poverty. A lack of self-worth is a key factor in these feelings.

Furthermore, we fail to recognize our own value due to a lack of self-esteem.

We are ashamed of our self-esteem. When faced with problems that can often be solved with money, and when we are short of cash, the only thing that can protect our dignity is our inner sense of not being greedy or selfish. This is the dignity of our character, and it is also the most precious thing we have.

Let us discuss the topic of requesting assistance. Your colleagues took the initiative to provide support by posting a status update on their professional social media platform.

It is not the act of asking for help that is the issue, but rather the kindness and generosity of those who offered assistance. It is important to remember and acknowledge the support and assistance provided.

I do not believe their intention in assisting you was to make you feel ashamed, but rather to help you overcome the challenges you are facing so that you can focus on your personal and professional growth. If you are able, you can repay them at a later date.

I recall that when I first started, I was unable to work regularly because I had to accompany someone to the hospital. My colleagues' way of showing their goodwill was to take on all my work, and then when it came time to pay salaries and bonuses, they took the money they would have received if they had worked as I did.

I have retained a sense of gratitude for their benevolence. Now that I am in a position to do so, if I become aware of any of them facing difficulties, I will extend a helping hand. This is how I reciprocate their kindness.

In light of these considerations, let us now return to your question: What are the root causes of our shame?

It is important to demonstrate gratitude for the kindness of others and to reciprocate when we receive help.

It is when we accept help from others without giving anything in return that we should be ashamed.

However, you are evidently not of that mindset.

If you still have reservations, remind yourself that today you had to accept assistance from others because you started from a disadvantageous position. In the future, I will strive to enhance my capabilities.

Should I have the resources in the future, I will continue to extend this generosity to those in need. This is my most valuable contribution. It is also the most effective way for me to express my gratitude to those who have helped me today.

Let us return to the core issue. A common adage among the general public states, "If you lack financial resources, you lack everything; if you are unwell, you have something."

This is the reality of the situation. Both dilemmas have affected your family.

It is fortunate that a solution is available at this time, as the cost of cancer treatment is significant for many families.

Furthermore, it is clear that your grandfather does not wish to become unwell, and that nobody wishes for him to become unwell. However, we have already encountered such a situation, and that is to proactively identify a solution.

Seek assistance from your classmates. There is no need to feel guilty or ashamed; simply be yourself.

Your future self-confidence and future ability to reciprocate kindness to others depends on your efforts today.

I hope that sharing my own experiences and feelings will be of some assistance to you.

Please be aware that the world and we love you.

Dear Question Owner, I empathize with your situation. Losing a loved one to cancer is a profoundly painful experience. I extend my deepest sympathies to you.

Your grandmother was diagnosed with small intestine cancer and required a substantial financial contribution for her treatment. You assisted your grandfather in launching a fundraising campaign to secure the necessary funds, demonstrating a commendable commitment to providing your grandmother with the best possible care, even if it meant alleviating her suffering and ensuring her dignity in her final days. This act of filial devotion is highly commendable.

The questioner reflected on the matter and came to understand that each penny raised would be allocated to treating her grandmother and reducing her discomfort. Regardless, all of this is still in progress, and the questioner should feel reassured.

In the event that all is irremediable, the situation is undoubtedly distressing. I will now proceed to relate my own experience.

My father, who had enjoyed robust health and rarely suffered from illness, was suddenly diagnosed with advanced intrahepatic cholangiocarcinoma. This occurred during the Wuhan epidemic, a period when our family had managed to survive the epidemic unscathed and was still in the process of adjusting to the various challenges that emerged in the aftermath of the epidemic. My father was admitted to the hospital for examination due to persistent pain under his right rib. The results were released on the same day.

We were incredulous and unable to accept the diagnosis. We took the test results to the oncology hospital and used our connections to find a suitable medical practitioner. The director stated that, based on the current state, surgical intervention was contraindicated, and other treatments, including targeted therapy, interventional therapy, chemotherapy, and radiotherapy, would be futile and potentially increase the patient's suffering. The only remaining option was conservative treatment to alleviate the patient's suffering as much as possible, given that the pain experienced by patients with advanced cancer, particularly liver cancer, can be severe. The prognosis was limited to three months, or perhaps less.

It is challenging to convey the intensity of my emotions at that time in words. Everything seemed so surreal. I was determined to provide any assistance I could to support my father, yet the medical professionals informed me that there was nothing they could do. The anguish and despair of witnessing the gradual loss of a loved one is something I am still grappling with.

One month and eight days later, my father passed away. He did not wait until the New Year for everyone to reunite once more, as the pandemic prevented such a gathering for the Spring Festival, and he was aware of this.

His sudden demise removed the source of my spiritual support, and coupled with the guilt of being unable to do anything else but care for him, I isolated myself, cut off from everyone and never went out. It wasn't until my sister brought me an abandoned cat that I began to heal and recover.

The purpose of this disclosure is to inform the questioner that they are still able to perform their designated role for their grandmother, which is a fortunate circumstance. At the very least, it demonstrates that their grandmother can still be treated, and they can genuinely contribute to her care. Even if that eventuality arises, they will not experience the same degree of distress and culpability as I do, as they did everything within their capacity when they could. Reflecting on this, can it mitigate some of the emotional strain?

The questioner's sentiment is understandable. Even when one is merely seeking to save a life, the feeling of being pitied and sympathized with is unpleasant. Consequently, the questioner must exercise caution with regard to daily expenses, as they may be misunderstood or even ridiculed and blamed.

It is, in fact, quite challenging. However, it is crucial to recognize that we are seeking assistance because we require financial resources to preserve the life of a cherished individual. While we may choose to maintain a low profile, this does not imply a lack of self-respect. The existence of WaterDrop is, in my view, to utilize collective strength to assist those in need. Fundraising on WaterDrop is undoubtedly more effective than approaching relatives and friends individually to request financial assistance. Not only do you have to confront their disapproval, but you may also face difficulties in securing the funds. Each time you borrow money, you are compelled to recount the same unfortunate circumstances repeatedly. This face-to-face interaction may even be more impactful than WaterDrop.

In this way, one might suggest that water droplet fundraising is an effective method of preserving the self-esteem of the individual requesting assistance.

The questioner is concerned that his classmates will become aware of the financial difficulties experienced by his family. It is likely that he is worried that his classmates will view him with disdain as a result. It is necessary to acknowledge the reality of this society. Even the university campus is no longer a protected environment, as it once was.

Nevertheless, it is this author's opinion that one should not exploit one's youth. One day, one will achieve success, and one will no longer be in a disadvantageous position.

One's origins are not a choice, but one can alter one's circumstances through diligence and effort. This is particularly true for those still in college, who have the potential to achieve great things in the future.

Furthermore, acknowledging one's present circumstances can instill the courage necessary to work diligently towards a more promising future. It is the aspiration to alter the status quo that serves as the driving force behind such efforts.

I have observed numerous instances of individuals who have effectively surmounted adversity. Many of them hail from economically disadvantaged backgrounds but possess an optimistic outlook and an aptitude for capitalizing on opportunities. They demonstrate resilience in the face of adversity and are not deterred by the lack of parental support.

The question owner is encouraged to endeavor to fulfill their obligations to their cherished grandmother to the best of their abilities. At the very least, when they reflect on their grandmother, they can reassure themselves that they have done their utmost for her, that they have loved her, and that they have striven...

Ultimately, I extend my best wishes to the questioner's grandmother. It is a fallacy to assume that all cancers are inevitably fatal.

I extend my sympathies to you regarding your grandmother's illness.

Faced with significant medical expenses and lacking the capacity to address the situation independently, the grandfather initiated a fundraising campaign on Weibo, a Chinese social media platform, to address the challenge of medical costs. The individual may experience apprehension and discomfort about disclosing their family's financial difficulties to the public, concerned about how others might perceive this disclosure.

What, then, are the underlying concerns?

The fear of being the subject of other people's concern, the fear of being the object of other people's overly concerned gaze, and the fear of ridicule are among the factors that contribute to this situation. Since childhood, I have always been relatively conscious of maintaining my personal image, and I feel that this incident has negatively impacted my reputation.

Life is replete with disappointments, and it is impossible to predict the occurrence of sudden accidents. Life is not a matter of choice; everyone encounters difficulties at times. Since ancient times, the Chinese have placed great emphasis on mutual assistance and solidarity.

One might reasonably inquire whether, in the event of such an occurrence involving a friend, the individual in question would be subjected to derision and disdain. It seems unlikely that such a scenario would be met with such a response.

If they look down on you, it is evident that they are not your friends. Furthermore, if someone looks down on others because they are seeking help when they are in trouble, it is clear that they are small-minded and have an ugly soul.

It is evident that the questioner is aware that enthusiastic classmates who repost with the intention of providing assistance do so with benevolent intentions, aiming to facilitate the prompt resolution of the issue at hand. It is, therefore, imperative to express gratitude for their assistance in an open and sincere manner.

Conversely, there is a possibility that the matter will be disseminated even more widely.

In April of this year, I was made aware of an inspiring act of generosity. A university with a student population of 211,000 managed to raise 420,000 yuan in a single hour to assist a fellow student who was facing health challenges.

Furthermore, it is not uncommon to observe posts on college campuses requesting assistance, which are then reposted on the institution's official social media platform. Such occurrences are not exclusive to a particular setting; they are rather pervasive. It is evident that individuals, regardless of their circumstances, inevitably encounter challenges. It is therefore imperative to recognize that we are not the focal point of the universe and that we do not typically occupy a position of prominence.

However, at this juncture, assistance is imperative. Poverty should not be a source of trepidation, and when confronted with adversity, it is imperative to maintain composure and persevere. With the appropriate support, it is indisputable that these challenges can be surmounted.

Upon your grandmother's recovery, it is likely that you will experience a sense of joy and pride in having provided assistance. Additionally, you may find yourself profoundly moved by the compassion demonstrated by your classmates, relatives, and friends.

"All for one and one for all." It is within the limits of one's abilities to disseminate this benevolence. As long as each individual contributes a modicum of affection, the world will be a more aesthetically pleasing place.

Hello, my name is Strawberry.

From what I can see, you are a kind child who loves your grandmother. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you to see her sick. It seems that you are trying to help her by sharing the Weibo post with your friends, in the hope that more people will see it.

After reposting, you began to feel a sense of shame. You were afraid that your classmates would look down on you. The original poster didn't want others to know about his family's financial situation and was also afraid that his action would make them feel that his family was poor. This would be especially true when some enthusiastic classmates helped repost it, as it would only let everyone in the school know.

I'm sorry, but I'm really struggling to sit still right now. I'd be really grateful if someone could help me to understand.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider this issue from another perspective.

After reposting her grandmother's fundraising post, the original poster initially wanted to help by using her own resources to raise more medical expenses. Given the family's financial situation, however, this may not be feasible.

Drip funding is a method that many people use nowadays. It involves seeking help from others during difficult times. It's possible that the questioner's family is in need of assistance at this moment. When others are in trouble, it's natural for families to want to help each other when they can. This is a form of mutual support.

I believe that this is not something to be ashamed of. By accepting it and looking at it from a different perspective, the questioner will be better able to cope with it.

It's understandable that everyone has different concerns.

After the original poster reposted the link to WaterDrop, she suddenly became concerned that others might become aware of her family's financial situation. It's possible that this is simply her own perception. It's important to remember that what we care about may not be the focus of others.

As some students saw the link in the original post and were eager to help repost it, it's clear that their focus is on the original poster's grandmother needing help. Each time the post is reposted, the medical expenses can be raised more quickly, and the original poster's grandmother can get treatment more quickly.

It's not that other people will necessarily pay attention to your thoughts. The question asker just needs to be true to themselves. If someone makes fun of you about this, it might be because they're basing their happiness on someone else's pain. It might be helpful for the question asker to consider staying away from people like this.

Perhaps there are underlying emotions that we can't see.

The questioner is concerned about being perceived by their classmates in a certain way due to their family's financial situation. Has this happened in school, where some classmates were isolated for other reasons? This is why the questioner is interested in this issue.

We must remember that everyone's family economic situation is different. School is a place to study, not a place to compare wealth and poverty. Perhaps we should ask ourselves more about why we care so much about this issue.

It is important to remember that being poor is not a problem of inferiority, and it is not something to be used to compare ourselves with other students. As students, we should focus on enjoying our campus life and making friends with like-minded people.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Wishing you the best.

Hello! I can see that you're feeling a bit uneasy on the inside. It's like you're worried that everyone is looking at you and making you feel like you've lost your dignity. I can understand how scary it is to be exposed like that, don't you think?

If you were a stranger and saw yourself like this, wouldn't you want to reach out and give her a hug? Give her some strength!

I know it can be tough, but can you accept the widespread rationality?

Let's say a relative needs a lot of money for medical expenses because of an illness. Any ordinary family has the right to ask for help. Don't you think this should be the sense of security that this society and country gives each of us? It's so reasonable, and society should help!

Drops of Water is a great way to get lots of people involved in helping out in a short amount of time. Everyone can contribute according to their own situation and wishes. It's a fantastic option for families who are struggling to make ends meet. It's also a really sensible way to help.

You don't have to let go of your sense of shame, but I think you'll find it's actually quite reasonable.

Reasonable means that most people won't be ashamed of you for doing this. They'll be happy to help!

It can be really helpful to try using the "reversal of thinking" technique to become more aware of the hidden thoughts in your heart.

Most people probably don't feel ashamed, but they're not you, so you might want to give yourself a little bit of grace and accept the shame you do feel. Accepting it doesn't mean compromising with it. How about trying the "reframing exercise" from the famous spiritual teacher Byron Katie? Try asking yourself

1. Do you think that people really think you're "begging for charity" and look down on you because of the "drip-feed" about your family?

2. I just want to check in with you: are you absolutely sure this is true?

3. How would you react if you truly believed it to be true? Please describe in as much detail as you can, and then continue to think.

a. We know it can be tough, but we're here to help you find a reason to let go of this thought that's making you anxious.

If not, please feel free to keep going!

b. Do you think you could find a reason to hold this idea without feeling anxious or doubtful?

4. Just imagine for a moment that this idea doesn't exist. How would you feel?

Once you've thoughtfully answered these questions, you might realize that the "truth" you thought was so clear isn't actually the whole truth. It's not the situation itself that's causing you pain and anxiety, but your attitude towards it. This exercise isn't about letting go of your pain, but about understanding that your pain has let go of you because there's no pain in the truth of the matter.

Have faith in the world, take it slow, and let it all sink in.

You say you've always been very "face-saving." Maybe you care a lot about what others think and you really want to be "perfect" in other people's eyes. We all want to be perfect, don't we? But there are many real imperfections in reality, such as not being wealthy. This may not be perfect, but it is not a defect, let alone a mistake. On the contrary, it can be an incentive for us to change. We hope that changing the appearance of a family that is not wealthy can focus on what we should do, rather than worrying about how many people know that our family is not wealthy.

It's okay if people know. In fact, it might even help you get more resources for your family's development. You can safely post on "Water Drop Fund," and you can also forward it to your classmates. This kind of help can really help your family get out of trouble. It's not meant to make you or your family the target of ridicule.

♥️It's possible that the strong feeling of being "belittled" comes from some problems in your family of origin or from an unhappy experience you had a long time ago. Have you ever thought about exploring this? When you see the source and are grateful for it, it gives you the motivation to change, rather than letting it obsessively cling to your "present."

If you're having trouble doing this on your own, don't worry! You can always seek help from a professional counselor.

The world and I are both fiercely in love with you, my dear friend. Don't doubt it for a second! You should also love the world and yourself!

Hello there, I totally get how you feel after raising funds through Waterdrop. It can make you feel like you've lost all your dignity and that you're ashamed.

I'll give you a big, warm hug!

I can see why you said that. It's so sad when anyone is diagnosed with cancer.

However, the huge medical expenses were really tough on us, so my grandfather

I started a donation campaign. Later, I also added some text and

I shared it with my friends, but after sending it, I felt

"A huge sense of shame."

We're all in the same boat, aren't we? Nobody likes asking for money, and I totally get that. It can feel like you're being looked down on, and I've been there too.

But our colleagues who want to save face still return to reality and have to face the matter. When we can't solve the problem ourselves, it's totally normal to find a way to ask for help.

We're not looking for sympathy or to deceive anyone. We're just trying to find a way to help our family in a time of trouble. We haven't done anything wrong, and we're not trying to trick anyone. We're just looking for a way to help our family.

I totally get why you feel ashamed. Your classmates and friends retweeted it, and everyone knows your situation and that your family is poor. You don't want others to know this, so you feel ashamed. You never thought you would ask for help in this way or leave such an impression on people's minds.

We don't want to act like we're too poor to help ourselves. That would be really sad.

I would feel really bad if my family was poor. When I was in high school, my roommates all brought cool mats to school at the beginning of the semester, but I didn't have anything for bedding. My roommates were so nice and said, "Let's pool some money and buy you a cool mat." I felt so embarrassed and my face felt so hot. I said, "No, no, I'll buy a cool mat in a couple of days." I really can't describe this feeling, it's not a good feeling.

I'm telling you all this because I know that people who don't want to trouble others for help are also people who don't want to cause trouble for others, and don't want others to look down on them, especially when the people around you meet you every day and make you feel a little uncomfortable. We're all in the same boat!

I really do empathize with you.

You made this choice because you wanted to help your grandmother, and that's a wonderful thing to do! We can get used to everyone knowing that you used the Water Drop fundraising app to ask for help, and we'll get there. We didn't steal, cheat, or rob anyone, and we can face your classmates and friends with our heads held high.

So, what we need to do now is to brush up on our skills and learn a few new things so that we can also be a helper who can help others, and be a good citizen to repay society and the country.

Since everyone is helping you and your grandmother, you can also be a positive person in the future and help those in need in society. That would be so great!

I really hope your grandmother gets better soon! Have a lovely day every day!

Hello, host.

The poster is clearly not yet old enough to start a family and establish a career on his own. When you grow up, you will understand that the sudden medical expenses and other expenses put a lot of pressure on parents and family members.

If you can't repay medical expenses, you can still raise funds to alleviate the urgent need and provide better medical conditions for the patient by borrowing and fundraising.

They choose to raise funds for their beloved family members through various means, such as WeChat donations. This may be considered a loss of face, but it saves lives. The life and health of loved ones is more important.

From another perspective, there is absolutely nothing shameful about respecting your elders, caring for your parents, and doing your best to help your family, even if it means asking for help from school teachers and classmates. They will think you are a filial and grateful child, at least trying to raise money in your own way.

You can save face without hurting your pride or asking others for money because dignity and face are not as important to you. You choose to lie down flat, hoping for the mercy and compassion of heaven and hoping that the older generation will get better sooner.

.

If you don't rely on others and don't seek help from those around you,

The host's family may struggle to cope alone. I want to know what help the host can really offer.

You can get good grades and receive a scholarship to help your family. You can work hard and earn money to pay for living expenses and medical expenses.

You should also send some chicken soup to your family members and take turns caring for the elderly.

If you feel that borrowing money or raising money really hurts your self-esteem, then you can save face through other means!

Don't be discouraged. They want to help you, so accept their kindness!

They will need help in the future, and they will help each other.

The host should not take on so much pressure. This is not something that children can solve. Students can still dump it all on their parents and let them solve it, but the host needs to become better and be able to help the family.

Hello, questioner! I'd love to share my thoughts on this matter, which might help you see things a little differently and give you a new perspective on redefining this sense of shame.

Oh no! Grandma is sick and needs a lot of money for medicine. What a great idea to use the water drop fundraising method! How could you think that people who use the water drop fundraising method are poor?

It looks like anyone with a house and a car can apply, as long as they meet the basic requirements. Apart from the percentage of medical expenses that can be reimbursed by medical insurance, who wouldn't want to save some money and reduce some pressure?

Just put yourself in their shoes for a second. If your classmate's grandmother fell ill and he started a donation campaign, would you be like, "Oh my gosh, he's so poor!" or would you think that he's really caring and excited to help raise money? I think anyone with a little bit of humanity would only respect you more.

When you're facing a family crisis, it's so important to find a way to cope. It takes a brave person with a strong sense of responsibility to do that.

We all feel inferior sometimes, especially when we're struggling financially. It can be really tough to accept help from others, especially when we're ashamed of our financial situation. But remember, we're all human and we all face challenges. It's okay to feel this way, but it's also important to remember that other people may also feel inferior about other things, like their height or weight, or because their father is under investigation or is a nouveau riche.

People's inferiority complexes are pretty amazing, aren't they? You have them, I have them, and I'm not going to tell you about it because I'm a little bit proud too!

Take a deep breath and accept the kindness that's being shown to you. And when you're able, express your gratitude as much as you can. There's no need to worry, because when you're in a position to help others, you can do so with all your heart.

The kindness you receive might even help someone in need in the future!

I really hope your grandmother gets better soon and lives a long, happy life! I hope you live a happy, peaceful life too.

Hello!

Host,

Hi there! I'm Zeng Chen, a mindfulness coach. I've read your post and I can really feel the shame and anxiety you're feeling from it.

I also noticed that you've been really brave in facing your own inner feelings and actively seeking help on the platform. This will undoubtedly help you to better understand and recognize yourself, so that you can adjust and encounter a better, happier self.

I'd also like to share some thoughts and observations that I hope will be helpful for you.

1. Try out some simple exercises to help you feel better.

It looks like you're feeling a bit restless right now. It might be a good idea to take a moment to calm your mind and body before you tackle the day's tasks.

How can we deal with our emotions? The original poster might find it helpful to try some simple exercises to help them feel more relaxed.

I've got a great tip for you! When we have emotions, our breathing is often chaotic.

So, right now, let's focus on our breathing. Take a slow, deep breath, filling your abdomen with air.

Then, take a few deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. You'll probably find that you can do this in a circular motion, and in just a few minutes, your emotions will feel much more relaxed.

In a way, this actually helps you focus on the present moment and your breathing. It allows you to take a step back from your emotions.

2. Let's take a look together at where your sense of shame comes from.

In your post, you mentioned that your grandmother is sick, which must be very sad for you.

At the same time, you also mentioned the strong sense of shame you felt after the crowdfunding. Let's take a look at why we feel this way together, shall we?

It's totally normal to feel a little bit of shame sometimes. But it seems like your feelings are a bit stronger than most.

I don't think it's just because of this incident, though.

This incident may have simply triggered some emotions that you've been holding back. I've noticed that you've always been very careful to protect your family's reputation, even though your family isn't very well off. I can understand why you might have wanted to keep that a secret, because it can be hard to feel ashamed of your family's circumstances.

Then, it might be really helpful for the original poster to take a look at their own upbringing and think about what might have made them feel ashamed of being poor at home. This could be a great way for them to understand themselves better.

It's totally normal to feel a range of emotions, and it's possible that your current feelings are influenced by more than just this incident with your grandmother. It's also possible that you have some unreasonable perceptions that are contributing to your emotions.

3. Adjusting Unreasonable Perceptions

Once we've discovered why we feel so ashamed, it's important to think about whether this is really fair. Some folks might look down on us because of our family situation.

I really do believe that if others look up to us, they will look up to us no matter what.

And those who look down on us won't do so because of our family situation. And when it comes to relationships, the most important thing is that we're all in this together, exchanging value and love.

So, if we can provide value to others, then the relationship will exist. Of course, providing value is not about pleasing others.

Rather, we live out ourselves and attract others to come close.

And from a psychological perspective, high self-esteem comes from within. It's something we can nurture and grow! Self-esteem, on the other hand, comes from the approval of others. It's important to remember that this is not something we can control. We can't please everyone, and that's okay!

And you know what? The evaluation of others is totally uncontrollable. But a person with high self-esteem gives it to themselves.

I really hope this helps and inspires you in some way.

Hello dear poster, I'm Xing Ying, a listening therapist at Yixinli and a national level 3 psychological counselor.

Reading your words and feeling your emotions, I'm wondering if your grandmother hadn't had cancer, would you normally carry any difficulties yourself and find it hard to ask others for help? I can only imagine how hard that would be!

When it comes to the word "help," there are two roles: "helper" and "helpee."

I'd love to know how you view a "helper."

I think we can write more about the wonderful things you've mentioned already: power, love, warmth, courage...

I also added some text and reposted it to my circle of friends.

Absolutely! Your behavior is helping others.

It doesn't matter who you're helping, what matters is that you're helping!

You used your amazing wisdom and strength to help your sweet grandmother! You posted a status update and shared it with your friends, and you did everything you could to help your sick grandmother!

You are such a kind, filial, brave, and resourceful person! This is your strength and love!

This amazing force and love is constantly being transmitted to my dear, sweet grandmother, who is sadly dying.

The enthusiastic students also reposted my Moments for me, and I felt a bit uneasy. It made me think about how I present myself to others. Do I come across as confident and self-assured, or do I come across as if I'm begging for charity?

Absolutely! The behavior of the classmates was really helpful.

Absolutely!

I'm sure the students are just being enthusiastic because they have love and warmth to give, but it might be worth asking yourself whether you've thrown away your dignity and begged on your knees.

The enthusiastic students also reposted my Moments for me, which made me feel a little uneasy, but I'm sure they didn't mean any harm!

I can see you're feeling a bit conflicted. I'm here to follow your train of thought and ask:

I'm sure your classmates would never ignore you, but how can you be at ease?

It's totally normal to feel anxious sometimes, but when you're in the thick of it, do you ever feel like you're disconnected from your classmates? It's like you're in your own little bubble, and you're not aware of the love and warmth all around you. It's like you're sinking deeper into self-doubt and denial, and you don't have the energy to feel others. It's okay to feel this way, but try to remember that the world is a beautiful, loving place, and you're not alone.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on "the helped."

I'm sure we can all agree that nobody needs help because they are pitiful, weak, or incompetent.

It's so important to remember that those who need help are not weak, incompetent, or pitiful! They are just temporarily in a difficult situation.

It's so important to remember that just because someone is stuck in the mud, it doesn't mean that person is incompetent or weak! We all have to navigate the long river of life, and who can guarantee that they will never get stuck in the mud?

Since childhood, I've been pretty aware of how others see me. Even though my family isn't rich, I've always tried to keep it a secret because I feel embarrassed.

Poverty is something that's totally out of our control. It's not a reflection of who we are as people.

The harsh environment in which we live is just a given. It has nothing to do with the resources we have or who we are.

I can only imagine how tough it must have been for you growing up in a family with financial challenges. I'm sure it was really tough for you at that age, when you were just a kid. Poverty made you feel like you were on a different playing field than everyone else. Even the simplest things that other kids took for granted were out of reach for you.

Over time, this feeling of being inferior and powerless can turn into a sense of shame. This can affect you whenever you encounter difficulties. It can make you feel like you're not good enough or incompetent. This can unknowingly put you in a position of psychological weakness. When you feel this way, you might as well tell yourself, "It's not my fault to be poor, I'm a hard worker."

"There are so many things in this world that we just can't do, and there are so many things in this world that we really can't have."

We all want to be powerful and capable when we're born as human beings. When we can't do it, we feel helpless. It's not just you, it's everyone!

When you see this universality, it's so important to accept yourself and admit your own powerlessness.

[Vulnerability is what connects us to each other]

We're all individuals, and we're all part of the human family too. When we try to be strong and don't let ourselves feel weak or vulnerable, we can end up feeling isolated from others.

It's the vulnerability of the soul that connects us to each other. Those who openly accept and reveal their vulnerability are the ones who can gain the most sincere friendship.

Over the past two years, my father has had bladder cancer and my mother has had rectal cancer. They have suffered a lot in the process of fighting the disease. Thankfully, a good attitude has enabled them to receive warmth and love from the help and care they have received, which has become the source of their lives. I send my best wishes to you. I hope that in the process of treating your grandmother's illness, you can let go of your burdens and feel the warmth between people with peace of mind, which will heal your soul!

Over the past two years, my father has had bladder cancer and my mother has had rectal cancer. They have suffered a lot in the process of fighting the disease. Thankfully, they've been able to receive so much warmth and love from the help and care they've received, which has become the source of their lives. I send you my sincerest blessings, and I hope that in the treatment of your grandmother, you can let go of your burdens and feel the warmth between people with peace of mind, which will heal your soul!

I love you, the world, and I'm here for you!

Hello!

When I saw the news about your grandmother, I was worried for you. I think most of your friends should feel the same way!

You said you added text to the donation page and reposted it to friends, but felt shame after sending it. I admire your sincerity!

You can recognize this feeling and face it. You want to understand it. This shows you are positive and care about your inner health.

Face your fears.

You're afraid your classmates will look down on you because of this and think your family is poor.

Let's look at this together. Illness is unavoidable. When a family member is seriously ill, it costs a lot. This is like dropping a heavy object into water, disturbing the peace.

It's a big expense, both financially and mentally. Those who help you are people with good intentions and want to help you get through this difficult time.

Let's look at why you're afraid. How do you think your classmates will treat you?

How do you feel about these behaviors? How can we face it if it happens?

If you face your fears, they're only half as powerful.

You're playing tricks on yourself when you feel "unworthy."

If everyone at school knows you raised money for your grandmother's medical treatment, it makes you feel like you're begging for charity. To gain respect, we must learn to respect others.

If this happened to your classmate, would you feel like you were helping someone else?

Alms are money given to the poor or temples out of pity or to do good. The word alms is neutral. Its meaning can change in different contexts.

We feel shame because we feel unworthy. We don't think we deserve respect.

The opposite of unworthiness is worthiness. Do you have experiences where you felt worthy and were respected?

Think about what you can do to feel that way again. If you haven't had many experiences like this, start now. Do something nice, find out what you're good at, and show kindness in your daily life. You'll see good results!

I'm Kaka T., who loves cameras. I hope this info is helpful. Love to the world!