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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Hello! I'm Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who loves to speak in images.
The questioner said that he has been married to his wife for three years and has never had any conflicts. However, he has some concerns about his wife's recent behavior and feels that she may be cheating on him. This has made you feel a little unsure about your relationship, but you're excited to find out more!
So, what are you going to do about it? Let's take a quick look at the situation and help you make the best decision for you!
First of all, you said that you have been married for three years without any conflicts. That's great! But you didn't say how close your relationship is or whether your relationship is strong. Often, the absence of conflicts does not mean that there are no problems. You may choose to tolerate or avoid problems when they arise. In short, you can let things slide if you can avoid confrontation.
Do you see that this is similar to your current hesitation? Asking questions or not getting to the bottom of things seems to have reached a limit. There is a voice inside you that wants to clarify your feelings about the marriage, and I think that's a great thing!
Secondly, you say that you and your wife have to keep in touch by phone, which is great! Is it because she is on a business trip or are you two living apart for some reason? Not being together all the time could be a hidden problem in your seemingly conflict-free marriage, but I'm sure it's not!
Since I don't know the specific circumstances, this information is something you get to consider for yourself!
Third, you listed three points to support your suspicion, but could you also list a few points to disprove your suspicion? It can be seen that you usually pay close attention to your wife's every move, but these observations are not just to support your suspicion that she is cheating on you. They are also a great way to boost your emotional state!
You can feel that you are very attentive, but also relatively insecure, while your wife seems to be more straightforward. This is a great opportunity to answer the question mentioned at the beginning of this article and write down your answer to see what kind of clues it will give you!
If, after reading the three questions above, you decide to get to the bottom of it, then we need to briefly master the skills of questioning. You need to know that you won't get anywhere with an accusatory or suspicious attitude. That kind of situation puts the other person on the defensive, and in order to protect themselves and their pride, they will fight back. But don't worry! There are plenty of ways to get the information you need without resorting to an accusatory or suspicious attitude.
So, let's start with a fresh approach. Instead of acting like an accuser or a skeptic, try expressing your concerns. For instance, if you hear that she didn't get up until 10 o'clock and missed the morning shift, you can express concern about whether she is feeling unwell or whether she is having trouble at work. If her phone freezes halfway through a call, and this is the message your wife tells you, you can also express concern about whether her phone has been having this problem a lot recently, whether it is aging, and whether you should get her a new phone as a holiday gift, since the holiday is coming up soon. If your wife woke up at 4 o'clock, did she encounter something that bothered her? This is all about your concern for her and your loving wife. Unless your concern is in another area, fearing that she is not faithful to the marriage, but this is just speculation, perhaps it is your insecurity that is causing you to act this way.
I really hope you find this analysis helpful! I would highly recommend seeking further psychological counseling to enhance your sense of security and help you feel more at ease in your relationship.
Wishing you all the best!
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Comments
I can understand how troubling this situation must be for you. It's hard to see someone you trust so deeply start acting in a way that feels dishonest. I feel like communication is key here. Maybe we could have an open and calm conversation about your feelings and concerns, without accusing her. It's important to express that you noticed discrepancies in her story and that it made you feel worried and confused. Let her know that you value honesty in your relationship and that you're willing to listen to her side of the story with an open mind.
This whole situation sounds incredibly frustrating and hurtful. Trust is such a fundamental part of any relationship, and when it feels like it's being compromised, it's natural to feel upset. However, instead of focusing on whether she's lying or not, perhaps you could try to understand why she might be feeling the need to withhold information or change her story. Sometimes people do that out of fear or because they're dealing with something difficult. A gentle inquiry into what's been going on in her life lately might help uncover the root of the problem.
It's really tough when you catch someone in what seems like a lie, especially someone as close to you as your wife. My instinct would be to address it directly but compassionately. You've mentioned several times that her behavior is out of character, which suggests that there may be more to the story than meets the eye. Maybe there's an underlying issue that she's not comfortable discussing yet. Giving her space to talk about whatever is on her mind, without judgment, could be a good starting point. It's also okay to let her know that these incidents are affecting your trust and that you both need to work on rebuilding that trust if the relationship is to thrive.