We have been married for seven years, and we both have hot tempers and are stubborn. When we fight, it gets really bad.

Good morning. I extend my support and best wishes to you from a distance.

I am grateful for the opportunity to assist you in addressing your concerns. I hope that my input will provide you with the support and guidance you require. I commend you for recognizing the ineffective conflict resolution strategies you have employed with your husband over the course of your seven-year marriage, which have primarily involved arguing. Furthermore, I appreciate your recognition that neither of you has ever taken the initiative to admit fault. Awareness is the first step towards initiating change.

Once you have identified that your instinctive responses to conflict in your marriage are inappropriate and potentially damaging to the relationship, you will undoubtedly seek to respond in a more constructive manner. This is likely to be a result of your own efforts, guided by this self-awareness. The reason for the continued repetition of the same patterns is that you may have set the bar too high in terms of your expectations of change. This may result in you overlooking the progress and changes you have achieved through your own efforts.

Since an inappropriate pattern of behavior tends to persist, particularly when the individual is aware of it but unable to achieve the desired change through their own efforts, it is often the result of trauma from early childhood. In such cases, the individual may resort to an inappropriate coping method to address certain emotional and emotional needs. What are your thoughts on this matter?

It is important to be aware that when a conflict arises with your husband and an argument ensues, especially when you recognize that acknowledging your mistake and apologizing could alleviate the emotional intensity of the situation, but you are reluctant to do so. In your view, what are the implications of taking this action at that moment? Does it imply that you are acknowledging your shortcomings and accepting responsibility for your actions, which could lead to criticism and disapproval?

This is particularly relevant in the context of how you were treated by your parents during your formative years.

As a result, adult intimate relationships frequently reflect the patterns observed during early development, particularly if there is a lack of awareness regarding the patterns experienced during that period and the manner in which parents managed their relationships and marital status. Behind any intense emotion lies an unmet expectation or need. One approach to address this is to maintain an emotional diary, which can facilitate timely recording of emotional feelings when a disagreement arises. This can help stimulate the situation and reaction, enhance perception of the emotional state in that moment, and identify the underlying needs, enabling more appropriate responses and satisfaction.

As an example, consider expressing your emotions and directly communicating your true inner emotional feelings and needs to your husband. This could include how you would like to be treated. Additionally, it may be helpful to learn to treat yourself in a way that aligns with your desired treatment by others.

My name is Lily, and I am the Q&A Pavilion's designated listener. I extend my personal regards to you all, and I wish you well.

Hello! It's clear you're facing some challenges in your marriage. You and your husband have strong personalities and opinions, which can lead to lively discussions and occasional periods of cooling off.

You're eager to find a solution that will benefit your children and strengthen your relationship. I'm here to help!

Marriage is something that needs to be nurtured and cared for!

You've been married to your husband for seven years, which is the perfect amount of time to really get to know each other. This period is indeed quite critical, which is why it's so important to make the most of it!

At this stage, the romance and newlywed bliss have worn off. But don't worry! This is totally normal. It's just a matter of time before the accumulated dissatisfaction in each other's hearts erupts. And when it does, you'll be ready for it!

From your account, it's clear that you and your husband have a great relationship! It seems like most of your conflicts are just part and parcel of everyday life. But even the everyday can have its challenges.

It is precisely because they love each other and consider each other to be their closest person that the two spouses face each other with their most authentic selves. But what they don't know is that it is precisely this authenticity, as if two people who have removed all their armor, rubbing against each other without the slightest bit of defense, that they are truly connected!

So, the answer is a resounding "no!" Couples don't have to wear masks and armor.

Masks and armor are disguises to protect oneself from the harm of others. But couples don't need disguises! They just need to maintain a little boundary and use this boundary to leave some space for each other. This is the management of relationships!

Communication is an amazing thing. It's also something that requires skill.

One very important element of maintaining a relationship is communication. Your marriage is doing great! You argue a lot, but you know that you can work on your communication with your husband to make things even better.

You are two peas in a pod! You're both impatient and stubborn, and that can affect communication.

You say that neither of you gives way to the other, that you fight over trivial matters, and that when you do fight, it's a really big deal. It seems that you're used to communicating by fighting, which is great because it means you're passionate about what you believe in!

Communication between husband and wife may seem ordinary, but it actually requires skills. And we're here to share a few communication principles with you that will make your conversations more productive and enjoyable!

First, avoid communicating with emotions. It's so important to keep your cool when you're talking to your partner! When one or both of you is feeling emotional, it's hard to think clearly and communicate effectively. This can lead to misunderstandings and arguments, so it's crucial to stay calm and logical when you're talking to your partner.

For example, you and your husband argue a lot over trivial matters. Since the matters are trivial, why not try something new and see what happens? It is likely that when communicating about these trivial matters, both sides express their emotions, which causes dissatisfaction between each other.

Second, choose the right time to communicate! You say your husband loves to drink and left as soon as his friend called.

You should be worried about your husband's health, and you also feel neglected because your husband is often not at home, right? So how do you express these thoughts in your heart?

Worries and a fondness for companionship are both beautiful emotions. If you can use calm and gentle language and speak when both of you are in a better mood and the atmosphere is more pleasant, your husband should be able to listen a little more. But if he happens to have agreed to go to a party with friends and you insist on stopping him, don't worry! You can still have a great time together.

Third, communicate with a clear goal. There are two fantastic goals for communication between a husband and wife: to enhance the relationship and to solve problems.

If you think about what you want to achieve in each communication, you can avoid going down the wrong path and make your way to a better, brighter future!

Ready to improve your relationship? Speak in a way that makes the other person feel good! Ready to solve a problem? Focus on the issue at hand and avoid dwelling on past unhappy events.

It's time to resolve those conflicts!

You said that when you argue, neither of you will speak to the other, and this cold war can last up to a month at the longest. This is very hurtful, but it also gives you a chance to work on your communication skills!

Have you ever asked yourselves whether you want to intensify the conflict or resolve it? It's time to make a choice!

You said that after you had a fight, you felt very guilty, but you still supported each other, and neither of you bowed your heads. I find it a bit strange what you mean by bowing your head.

Do you call taking the initiative to resolve conflicts "bowing down"? It seems that in your eyes, this is a very shameful thing.

Two people have a conflict, and their relationship is at an impasse. When one person wants to resolve the conflict and breaks the deadlock by taking the initiative to ease the relationship, it's a great opportunity for that person to take control and steer the situation in a positive direction!

It's easy to think that both people are being stubborn when they're stuck in a stalemate. But there's another way of looking at it! It's actually a case of both of them being involuntarily trapped in this impasse.

The one who can resolve conflicts is the stronger one! They have turned the situation around and are in control of the development, which is a great position to be in.

When you asked for help here, I saw your desire to break the deadlock, and I am so excited for you to turn this desire into practical action!

I'm Teng Ying, a psychotherapy listener, and I'm thrilled to help in any way I can!