What attitude should I adopt towards my relatives when looking at my husband's eyes?

It is evident that you and your husband have a strong foundation of trust in each other. You are concerned that your husband's less polished communication style may be perceived negatively by your parents and relatives, and you wish to shield him from any potential negative consequences.

It is challenging to alter the dynamics of one's family of origin. You and your husband have a robust relationship and effective communication. During the weekdays, you can discuss the personality traits of your parents with your husband and share your concerns. This will ensure that he is prepared for each visit to your parents' house.

It is challenging to alter the words and actions of your parents. When you return to your parents' residence, your husband may initially be uncomfortable with their communication style. However, as you become acquainted with each other's personalities, you will gain a deeper understanding of their true nature. Your husband may be influenced by your open-mindedness and stability, and your parents may also undergo a transformation. To ensure alignment, discuss your experiences with your parents with your husband, fostering a sense of shared commitment and understanding.

As long as you and your husband are on the same page, the opinions of others are irrelevant. You can discuss with your husband the flawed logic of these relatives.

You have clearly stated your position, and your husband should be aware of it. Engaging in bragging or ridicule is a matter of other people's lives, and it has no bearing on you. Allow them to express their opinions as they see fit.

It is advisable to ignore such comments or to treat them as a joke and allow them to dissipate. It is important not to take the words of others too seriously and to focus on leading your own life. It is unproductive to engage in arguments with people who say things with the intention of provoking a reaction.

Hello, my name is Susan.

I would like to express my admiration for your resilience in the face of challenges posed by your family of origin. It is admirable that you have the courage to forge your own path and are not constrained by the limitations of your past. Your ability to support and nurture each other is a testament to your strength and commitment to each other. It is a privilege to witness such a profound and loving bond between you both.

From what I can gather from the original question, it seems that you are happy and secure in your relationship. It is important to trust your own feelings. You seem to feel that your husband is emotionally stable, optimistic, open-minded and has a strong inner character.

It seems that you understand each other when things happen, communicate in a timely manner, and tolerate and cherish each other. This seems to be a wonderful way to get along. I would like to share two quotes with the original poster if I may:

I believe that the experiences of the past should not define who I am today.

I hope I can be true to myself in front of you, and I also hope I can become a better person for you.

In light of your family's concerns, you have demonstrated admirable sensitivity in considering your husband's feelings and emotions. It is indeed challenging to navigate these situations, and it may be helpful to consider ways to reduce the frequency of interactions and to maintain a personal moral compass to guide our decisions.

It's possible that what they say may not be entirely accurate. What's most important is your own perspective. You seem to have a clearer view than anyone else. It seems that they're displaying their abilities in a way that might be perceived as somewhat exaggerated.

At the same time, you know in your heart that you put your warm home first, not seeking great wealth and power, but only peace and joy. So, if I may suggest, perhaps you could consider strengthening this idea even more and try not to be influenced by the innuendoes of your family.

I believe you can empathize with your husband's situation and understand his feelings. It seems you're trying to figure out the best way to support him, which shows your commitment to improving the relationship.

If you are concerned about how these words might affect your husband, it would be helpful to let him know that you are there for him. You might consider offering him a hug or holding his hand firmly when you hear those words to provide him with strength and confidence. After you return, it would be beneficial to be open and honest with each other, listen to each other's feelings, and discuss ways to handle the situation more effectively.

It is also important to listen to your husband's feelings and emotional changes, and to provide comfort when needed. Even the strongest person can benefit from a hug. You have done a wonderful job!

I truly believe that you can stay happy forever.

Since it is unavoidable, perhaps we could face it together with courage and resolve.

I hope this message finds you well, regardless of what time of day it is.

Dear Sir/Madam, I am pleased to hear that you have found happiness in your marriage. It is commendable that you have achieved a sense of inner peace and spiritual joy despite not being wealthy. I wish you all the best in your endeavours. Kind regards, [Sender's name]

From your description of your original family, it is evident that you have experienced significant pain and hurt within that family unit. Fortunately, you have demonstrated an ability to recognize these issues and have taken steps to distance yourself from the influence of your parents. This is an important step in creating a more positive and empowering future for yourself. There is a common perception that individuals who are less informed are more inclined to take risks and act without fear. However, this is not always the case. Many parents who are at the lower end of the social ladder often lack access to education and rely on intuition and competition to navigate their lives. This can lead to a mindset where children are viewed as their own private property and they are quick to express their frustration through physical punishment. Additionally, these parents often prioritize material possessions and interests above all else, and they may take pleasure in other people's misfortune. Their worldview is often characterized by narrow-mindedness and prejudice.

You are fortunate to have encountered a partner who is perceptive and supportive. Despite your parents' reservations, you recognize his strength and resilience. Your remark is not only a gesture of gratitude but also a testament to your belief in him. You have consistently sought a relationship with someone who can provide stability and guidance, someone who can illuminate your path forward. You also aspire to become such a partner, someone who can empower and support yourself, someone who is unafraid of challenges.

You have been brought together by the mutual attraction of your respective qualities, and you are fortunate to be in this relationship.

You share common beliefs and ideals, and you nourish each other with your spiritual resonance. Material things are not the most important to you; you seek spiritual pleasure and a connection with your soul. You enjoy this feeling and are willing to continue like this. With spiritual nourishment, you have gradually transformed and become stronger, even if you are not aware of it.

You have indicated that on each occasion when a holiday occurs, you perceive that your husband is being overlooked and that you experience a degree of discomfort. You have also expressed concern that your family may be viewing your husband in a negative light, which could potentially have an adverse effect on him. Your perspective encompasses not only your affection for your husband and your concerns, but also your resentment and defensive response to the perceived snobbishness of your relatives and friends. Given the circumstances, it is understandable that you would feel this way. However, it is important to recognize that these gatherings cannot be avoided.

If it is beneficial to your happiness, why is it necessary for you to attend? Furthermore, why must you endure the cold stares of others?

I believe your husband has also recognized this, but he does not seem to be overly concerned. He will likely endure this situation to protect your reputation. What matters most to him is your well-being. Your home is your primary residence, and you are the most important person there. Since these relatives do not interact frequently, this should not have a significant impact on him.

It is important to recognize that you are still affected by these circumstances. You may find it challenging to let go, just as you did with past hurts, and you may be reluctant to let your husband experience similar difficulties. Given that you are now a family, social events are unavoidable, and your parents have certain expectations. You have two options: either you can stand up to them and communicate your thoughts, or you can participate in such events less. Ultimately, you must decide what is best for you. Only by breaking down this psychological barrier can you achieve a more positive outlook.

I hope this information is useful to you.

Hello, girl. You are lucky to have a husband who loves you and has helped you heal from the traumas of your childhood. Some people never heal from their childhood, but you have.

You are lucky and deserve to be happy, so give yourself a hug.

I empathize with you, and I admire you for living your life. I empathize with what you've been through. You've had a difficult life. A father who abused you and a mother with a warped personality have plunged you into a world of pain and distortion.

I admire you. You have not sunk into inferiority despite your unfortunate experiences. You chose to become self-reliant and used psychology to heal, grow, and improve your character. You attracted a loving husband with your own beauty and have lived a happy life. You are amazing.

Happiness is worth having.

You are a wise woman who knows how to put yourself in other people's shoes and appreciate the good things about your loved one. You know that no matter how others look at him with worldly eyes, you love him. You also know that seeking help is a sign of your wisdom.

A person who knows how to seek support and help is a person who makes good use of resources.

You can resolve your detachment from your original family by learning to separate issues. Adlerian individual psychology teaches us that human troubles come from interpersonal relationships.

As long as there are two or more people involved, interpersonal relationships are unavoidable. You don't get to choose your family, but you can choose to detach from it.

The problem of detachment is the separation of issues, which mainly exist in the three areas of work life and love. You must decide who chooses whose issue and who takes responsibility for the choice.

For example, if you are afraid that your family's sarcasm will hurt your lover, this is your husband's problem. He can choose to listen or not, pay attention or not. You can communicate with your lover, express your concerns, and listen to his thoughts. If he is strong inside, I guarantee a mature and strong person would not care about such vulgar verbal violence. The reason why you are a little worried is mainly your own problem, which is the inferiority and anxiety deep inside you. That is a problem you cannot face frankly. Tell yourself, when I was small and weak and pitiful, I was powerless to face this verbal violence from you, and I paid for it with pain and tears.

Now that I am an adult and have grown up, I know that it is limited by your own knowledge, life experience, and attitude toward life. I can and will accept or reject it, and it no longer bothers me.

Stay connected with your loved one. Tell him your fears and anxieties. Discuss with him how to repair the impact of your family of origin on yourself. Be grateful for meeting him. He gives you the opportunity to learn what a healthy family relationship is like. Work together with him to create a brand new and healthy family relationship for your child. Give your child a wonderful and happy family of origin. You are the best.

Good day, My name is Jia Ao, and I am not seeking any particular outcome.

I have carefully reviewed the concerns you have shared on this platform. You indicate that your family of origin has had a significant impact on your life. You describe your father as grumpy and emotionally volatile, while your mother is described as critical and manipulative. From these descriptions, it is evident that your family of origin was highly dysfunctional, and your childhood must have been marked by significant challenges.

Fortunately, you have now come into contact with psychology and your mindset has improved greatly. You have also met a positive and strong husband. From your time together, I can also feel that the relationship between you is very harmonious, with mutual understanding and tolerance. You work hard together to earn money, and life is very promising. Your current confusion is the ridicule and contempt of your husband by your relatives, which makes you feel very helpless and troubled. You are very worried about the impact on your husband, and you want to know what to do. You want to know how to deal with such problems.

In response to your inquiry, I will assist you in analyzing and organizing the relevant information.

1. Follow your instincts.

You have experienced a great deal, including a challenging family of origin. Fortunately, you have now found a way to maintain your inner peace, which is still very good. You have also found someone you can trust for the rest of your life. I am pleased for you.

It is evident that you are concerned about your husband's current situation due to your affection for him and the fear of his potential distress. It is advisable to respect and acknowledge your emotions. Accepting them as they are is a constructive approach. This is a typical response in such circumstances.

2. Develop an accurate understanding of the situation.

To be frank, you and your husband are the ones living your life together, so there is no need to care too much about what other people think. Only those with narrow mindsets will think that everything about other people is bad. The fact that you care about what other people think of your husband is also a reflection of your own inner feelings. It is precisely because you have experienced so much negativity in the past that you will be overly concerned about other people's opinions of you in many things. You will lack confidence, be afraid that you will do a bad job, and be afraid that you will offend your relatives, so you will be very mindful of other people's opinions.

Given that you are now married and reside with your husband, it is crucial to prioritize your relationship and commitment to each other. Your husband's character and willingness to spend the rest of his life with you are of paramount importance. By loving and supporting each other, you have already demonstrated a strong foundation for your relationship. It is, therefore, unnecessary to devote significant attention to the opinions of others.

It is advisable to maintain your own personal space and privacy.

3. Evaluate external commentary with a rational perspective.

It is important to recognize that other individuals have their own opinions and perspectives, which may not align with yours. Everyone has a unique position and viewpoint. As the saying goes, "opinions differ among people with different views." It is not necessary to internalize or take on other people's opinions, particularly if they are negative or critical.

From a psychological standpoint, this phenomenon can be understood as a form of self-projection. When an individual experiences feelings of inferiority or inadequacy, they may unconsciously transfer those emotions onto others, including their spouse. This can manifest as ridicule directed at the spouse, which in turn reflects the individual's own lack of confidence and sense of inferiority.

Furthermore, your relatives are exhibiting even more outrageous behavior. They appear to believe that everyone is inherently flawed. If you wish for your relatives to respect you, you can encourage your husband to work harder and become stronger as soon as possible. This will prevent others from having the opportunity to mock him. Temporary contempt is inconsequential, and it would be unfortunate to allow yourself to be treated this way.

Fourth, establish clear boundaries.

It is evident that these relatives have a negative perception of your husband. However, it is crucial to maintain a positive and respectful attitude towards him. It is essential to recognize and accept him for who he is. It is worth noting that you and your husband share similar views, engage in common topics of conversation, and are united in love. This is a significant aspect that should be acknowledged and celebrated.

This is a situation that many people would envy. It is therefore important for you to stand firmly with your husband and support him, so that he knows you are there for him and that you value his opinion. It is also important to remember that other people's views and opinions are not absolute, and you can even ignore them.

The fact that they mock and belittle your husband in this way demonstrates that they do not maintain a sense of boundaries with you. Their opinions are irrelevant to your personal choices.

However, they have still overstepped the mark, which has had an adverse effect on the relationship between you. It is therefore important for you to be clear about this yourself, to try to establish a sense of boundaries, and to ensure that their comments do not sway your emotions or affect your relationship as a couple.

It would be unwise to base your decisions on the opinions and judgments of others. After all, your parents have already married and started a family. If there is no way to change their minds, you can only try to reduce contact. If you don't live together, many conflicts and frictions will not happen. It would be beneficial to do your part and try to separate yourself from them in terms of space and distance. This will be a good solution to any conflicts you may have.

Just do your own thing and let others talk.

In the future, focus on living your life with a down-to-earth approach. You are leading a fulfilling life, working hard together to earn money, and living well. Will they still view you with disdain? It is unlikely.

The reason for their negative perception is likely due to a personal shortcoming on your part. It is advisable to address this issue and leverage your strengths. It is important to recognize that not everyone will necessarily approve of your actions or opinions. However, it is possible to maintain a positive outlook and a sense of inner peace. This mindset is conducive to a more fulfilling life. I wish you both a brighter future, a harmonious marriage, and the ability to disregard the opinions of others.

I hope this information is helpful. Best regards, [Name]

Hello, I extend my warmest regards to you.

From your brief question, it seems that you have managed to find your own love and happiness, despite the challenges you have faced in your family background.

It seems that you may still have some concerns about this issue. From your later narrative, it seems that at family gatherings during the New Year and other holidays, some people make a mess at home. In the past, you may have chosen to ignore it, but now you are worried that it might have a certain impact on your husband.

If I may, I would like to share my thoughts.

I wonder if I might ask you to consider why you care what other people say now, when you didn't care before.

In short, your thoughts have changed. Could I ask what reasons and events may have caused this change?

It is possible that these reasons and events may lead you to become more concerned about your financial situation and that of your husband.

On the other hand, the most significant change you've undergone, in light of your husband's admirable qualities, is the positive shift in your outlook on life.

When you feel that your husband should earn more, you may feel that you shouldn't have such thoughts. After all, your husband has changed you. He is introverted, strong, and optimistic, and has shown you what true love is.

It's understandable that you might not feel comfortable asking your husband to earn more, given your previous gratitude and recognition of him. This could lead you to suppress your thoughts and resort to other forms of expressing your expectations.

Of course, this is just a suggestion based on my understanding of the situation. You may wish to consider what prompted you to worry that your husband might be influenced by your relatives back home.

Secondly, might I inquire as to whether you have discussed this with your husband and his views on other people's "mocking"?

After all, your husband is the one who is involved. And the sarcasm, being forced to accept ridicule, etc., is your narrative, your perspective on the matter.

It's possible that your husband may have a different view. He may not consider it a mockery, or he may know it is mockery but not care, or he may pretend to listen but not really listen, etc.

It is also possible that he cares a great deal about it, but as a man, he may be too proud to tell you.

As for what your husband thinks, you might want to consider asking him directly. It's possible that your perception of the situation may differ from his, and it's always helpful to have a clear understanding of each other's views.

I would gently suggest that you might like to consider talking to your husband about his views, just in case you're worrying for no reason.

Third, you might consider asking yourself how you would like others to see you and how you see yourself.

From your brief question, it seems that the main issue may be related to your self-perception, your current circumstances, and your past experiences. It's possible that the underlying challenge here is your relationship with yourself.

You might also consider speaking with a counselor.

I am a psychological counselor who experiences a range of emotions, including periods of depression and moments of optimism. I have a deep appreciation for the world and all its beauty.

I commend you for your insightful question. From your query, I discern that you are an individual who has experienced a positive relationship and has been nurtured by love. You have acknowledged that your family of origin has exerted a profound influence on you, yet you have managed to transcend the negative influences.

However, your comments about your parents indicate that you disapprove of their behavior, which may be related to the education you received. The objective of parents who encourage their children to study hard is to enable them to surpass themselves. However, when faced with disagreements with their children, many parents persist in criticizing them. After all, the ideas that have accompanied them for many years are deeply rooted.

It is challenging to alter the way parents think. Therefore, it can be argued that we cannot change others or influence the way others treat us. However, we can change ourselves.

The issue at hand is not the attitudes of individuals towards the questioner, but rather the attitudes of the family members towards the questioner's husband. The questioner's objective is to develop an attitude that will protect her husband. In order to do so, she must first consider the reasons behind the family members' negative perceptions of her husband.

One might inquire whether this is due to their being "picky," or whether it is a manifestation of a gloating human nature.

One might inquire whether the animosity directed towards the questioner's husband is a result of his benevolent nature, or if it is a reflection of his own shortcomings.

As a spouse, one's attitude and behavior towards one's husband can influence the way in which one's family treats him. It is therefore crucial for the questioner's husband to address the issue of how to gain respect in a large family.

He must consider whether he is capable of maintaining his boundaries and whether he has become the individual who was previously regarded as agreeable but who is now ignored.

It would be advisable for the questioner to act as a mediator between her husband and her family. She should also endeavour to facilitate her husband's integration into the family unit. Furthermore, it would be beneficial for her to discuss her feelings on the matter with her husband, in order to assist him in identifying potential areas for improvement.

I extend my best wishes to you for a happy outcome.

From your description, I understand that you have a clear understanding of your objectives. You have a well-defined vision of your desired future and a high level of satisfaction with your current situation.

The past has indeed caused you a significant amount of distress, and it has continued to affect you for a relatively long period of time in your life. Fortunately, you have identified a solution that will help you move forward, and you will eventually implement that solution, albeit gradually.

It is unfortunate that some individuals are inclined to disparage those who are more successful than they are, regardless of their circumstances or reasons. They tend to find ways to undermine others' achievements. While there is little one can do to stop this behavior, it is encouraging to see that you are no longer affected by their sarcasm. However, I am concerned that over time, it might negatively impact the positive life you have worked so hard to build.

The impact of an event on us depends not only on the action it triggers, but also on how we perceive it. This may sound somewhat abstract, but if your relatives consistently make hurtful remarks and you are concerned that this may damage your relationship, it is important to demonstrate your confidence in not agreeing with them. You may choose to be indifferent, dismissive, or even engage in a brief argument.

It is important to demonstrate to your husband that you are not influenced by their words and that you have a different perspective.

It is important to remember that you and your husband will need to work together for the foreseeable future. You have already demonstrated considerable skill in this regard. Since there is no immediate solution to the situation, it would be prudent to anticipate the possibility of disagreements with them.

Hello, I'm Yan Shiqi. I read your story and want to give you a hug and hope my answer helps.

The original poster feels pain and irritation when talking about her family of origin. Her husband is like a ray of sunshine in her life.

You don't expect your husband to be influenced by your family of origin because you didn't feel good in yours.

Here are my suggestions:

After you marry, live independently and visit your family less.

If a relationship drains our energy, we should change it or learn to protect ourselves.

Now that your marriage is going well and you have your own family, you can spend less time with your parents.

2. Take care of your husband's emotions at your parents' home. Pay attention to his reactions and give encouragement and positive feedback.

If you have to go to your parents' house, talk to your husband first. You can go home after dinner or leave for a short time. This will help your husband deal with things.

If something hurts your husband's pride, encourage him.

Your husband is warm and sunny. He will understand who he should value and will deal with emotions in a timely manner.

This will also improve your relationship and show him that his love is worthwhile and that you will always support him.

3. Let your parents know that you're happy.

Everyone is different. Some people want money and fame. Others just want to find someone to share their life with.

As long as you and your husband are happy, that's all that matters.

Don't mind what others say. Every family has problems. Do your best.

It's easy to say, but takes inner strength. I believe you can leave your old family behind with your husband's support.

That's my answer. I wish you and your husband happiness and success.

Hi, I'm Strawberry.

After finally getting rid of the influence and harm that your original family has brought to you, you're afraid that your husband will be influenced and harmed by your family.

Growing up with an emotionally unstable father who was violent and a mother who was jealous and talked behind other people's backs, it's easy to see how tough it was for the young poster at the time. We can't choose our parents, but we can choose our own lives. The poster has reinvented herself through studying psychology. You're great because you've found a way to move on from the harm done to you by your original family.

The questioner feels happy when she's with her husband. He's a strong, stable, optimistic, and open-minded person. He brightens your life. From what the questioner has said, it seems that her husband is a secure attachment personality type, which helps her change her own character. This is also why she can face the limitations that her original family has brought to herself and change herself.

I'm concerned that I might be influencing my husband in some way. What should I do?

It'd be a good idea to take more "preventive measures" and minimize contact as much as possible.

The questioner thinks her husband is great and you love and care for him, so you don't want him to be influenced by his mother's side of the family and damage your relationship. I believe that through understanding, the questioner's husband also has some understanding of your mother's side of the family.

When the questioner is spending time with her husband and chatting with him, she can occasionally give her husband a "prevention shot." Her parents and relatives are just being realistic. It doesn't matter what they say. She'll be spending the rest of her life with him, so she won't treat him like they do. She's also worked hard to get away from their influence on her.

If you can avoid contact, then do so because you know that if you go, you'll be insulted. Don't take things personally. Your life is your own, and whether you have a lot of money or little doesn't determine your level of happiness. So just don't take your relatives' words to heart.

You can try to change your parents through your own actions.

The personality issues of the questioner's parents might also be related to their own original family and the people and environment they were exposed to. They may have also wanted to change their way of thinking but didn't know how, so they just kept it up.

If the original poster can use psychology to help herself, she can use what she learns to help her parents. A mother who loves to gossip behind other people's backs and feels happy when she sees other people unhappy has a relationship with domestic violence that is related to being regularly abused by her husband. It's also related to the original poster's mother's own perception.

The questioner's mother may have thought that women just have to accept their fate. So, when your father treated her like that, she still didn't want to leave him. Her perception was limited, but the questioner can change that. She can help her realize where she went wrong and then help her change.

Also, you need to get your father to understand that there are other ways to solve things than to constantly abuse your mother and make her mentally unstable.

It's important to separate the two.

Your parents are your parents, but you're first and foremost yourself. When you can deal with the separation from your parents on your own and get rid of their influence on you, your husband won't be affected by their behavior much. You only see them once in a while, and at most, you feel a little blocked when you meet.

Don't assume how your husband feels based on your own thoughts. The questioner knows him and his parents better and has been hurt more, so she's afraid that your parents' actions will also affect your husband. In this regard, she can just ask her husband directly what he thinks and what his plans are if this happens. Respect his decision and let him know that you cherish, understand, and support each other.

Move on from the past, enjoy the good things in your life, and don't worry too much about what others think or say, no matter who it is. I'd also suggest reading Why Does Family Hurt, How Does a New Family Shape a Person, and It Turns Out That Understanding Is More Important Than Love.

I hope this helps the questioner. Best wishes!

Dear host, My name is Xing Ying, and I am a listening therapist at One Psychology, a nationally certified level 3 psychological counselor.

From what you've shared, it seems that you've experienced a shift in perspective. Reading your heartfelt words through the screen, I can see the clouds parting and the brightness and blooming of the sunshine. I'm genuinely happy for you!

I have been greatly influenced by my family. My father has a tendency to be emotionally extreme, which has sometimes led to disagreements within the family. My mother also has a tendency to gossip about others and seems to derive happiness from others' misfortune.

When I first read these two lines, I felt a sense of discomfort in my heart, and I wasn't sure what words would be most helpful in offering comfort. As a child, it can be challenging to feel liked by one's parents.

It can be particularly challenging to feel disliked by one's parents. When faced with such a situation, it's natural to wonder what one can do.

Subsequently, I had the opportunity to engage with psychology, which helped me to gradually adjust. The most significant change came about through meeting my husband. I feel that life has become brighter and more positive.

Life is self-sufficient. In times of pain, we can find wisdom within. You have brought light into your own life!

My parents and relatives had reservations about the idea, feeling that he didn't seem like he would be successful. However, I believe he is a very strong person inside, with a stable and optimistic temperament.

It is evident that the external environment has remained unchanged, yet you have undergone a transformation. From your words, I can perceive the radiance in your husband and, moreover, the healing quality of your love.

I believe that people tend to gravitate towards others who are similar to them.

I believe the reason you met him is because you went through a challenging period, studied psychology, made positive adjustments, and have a sunny heart that yearns for the good! You are just like him!

I've come to realize that relationships are often more complex than we realize.

I believe the reason you have such a happy relationship is because you are a source of sunshine for each other. It seems that your own firmness and sunshine allow you to "see" his strength and stability. If you don't have it in your heart, it may be more challenging to see it. Despite growing up in a challenging environment, you have created a bright garden in your inner world.

In addition, have you ever noticed that you have also become a warm and powerful person, perhaps without even realizing it?

Over the course of our time together, I have found myself growing increasingly happy. We have developed a mutual understanding, communicate effectively when needed, and work together to achieve financial stability. Our lives are becoming increasingly fulfilling.

I feel that I understand what true love is with him, and that it is unconditional.

It would seem that your relationship is already very stable, and that you love each other very much.

However, at family gatherings during the New Year and other holidays, the person who makes the most money often becomes the focus of attention, which can be uncomfortable for my husband.

Because I love him, I try not to hurt him.

Because of love, I feel a strong desire to avoid causing him any pain. Past experiences have caused you pain, and that kind of experience is so profound that you don't want him to experience the pain you once experienced. Out of love, you are cautious.

I believe this is a natural response, and I understand it very well.

I hope you will allow me to share with you some of my tips.

1. It might be helpful to distinguish between your current experience and past experiences, and to remind yourself that it is not necessarily as serious as it seems.

With repeated experiences, our feelings in similar situations in the present will become stronger.

For instance, if your husband feels uneasy about the insinuations made by relatives during the New Year and other holidays, this discomfort may be worth 3 points. However, due to the pain you have experienced in the past, your inner feelings may be 5 points or even higher. In reality, the impact is not as significant as it may seem.

2. It would be beneficial to make it clear, both to your husband and to others, that you and your husband are in a "we" relationship, rather than regarding your family members as "mine" and the harm they have caused to you as something that has happened to you.

If you can stand firmly by his side and get along with him as "we," it will bring you two closer together. However, if you become worried or feel guilty about him as a result, it might have the opposite effect.

Afterwards, you might consider taking the initiative to comfort him and communicate with him about the injustice done to him. He may also be your family member and find it inconvenient or inappropriate to express his feelings. At this time, you could perhaps take the initiative to express his negative emotions for him, so that he knows you understand and support him.

It would be beneficial to trust him, trust yourself, and trust "us."

From the beginning, your parents and relatives had some reservations about him, believing that he would not achieve much in life. However, you two had a strong understanding and were able to communicate effectively whenever challenges arose. Despite the external environment remaining largely unchanged, you two gradually developed a stronger bond. How did you navigate these challenges?

You have the capacity to resist these negative influences. Your husband has been with you for a long time, and he is aware of your family and your past experiences. Your family's attitude is not necessarily reflective of your own, and he is aware of that.

I believe that is precisely why he can appreciate your goodness even more. I encourage you to trust that he knows how good you are, that you trust in his strength, and that you are one.

In this enviable and healing partnership, your past wounds will slowly heal. Perhaps one day you will come to understand that the reason your parents are the way they are and cause you pain is because they also have all kinds of anger, sadness, and helplessness, except that they have not developed the ability to adapt to their own lives like you have.

Indeed, they are even more unfortunate in this regard.

Every parent-child relationship is different, and I empathize with the challenges you've faced in the past.

Whether or not you have the opportunity to reconcile with your parents in the future, you have already demonstrated remarkable resilience and strength. I encourage you to continue treating the world with kindness and determination, and to trust your husband, who is a source of strength for you. I wish you happiness, and I send you my love!

Dear question asker,

I am pleased to hear of your positive experiences. Despite growing up in a family with significant emotional challenges, you have managed to find stability and happiness in a relationship with someone who shares your passion for psychology.

In short, your life is your own, and the opinions of others are irrelevant. How does your husband feel about the disparaging remarks made by relatives he occasionally encounters during the New Year and other holidays?

There is a risk that he may feel inferior and angry. There is also a risk that he may resent what his relatives say.

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether you share the same values. Are you concerned about your earning power and the financial situation of the family? Do you feel inferior in some way?

You describe your husband as having a stable personality, a strong inner core, being gentle and caring, and you are very happy and content. Do you have any expectations for your husband to further improve his social skills and ability to earn money?

It is uneconomical to live in the eyes and mouths of others. Relatives are not the people who love and care for you every day. They are on different spiritual levels and naturally hold different views. It is best to let well enough alone and not argue with them about theories.

If you demonstrate genuine care and respect for your husband, he will feel supported and empowered to pursue personal growth and strive for enhanced material security.

It is important to recognise that everyone has their own merits and aspects of life that are beyond our control. By appreciating each other's merits, understanding and tolerating each other's shortcomings, and providing sincere and patient support, we can foster a happy marriage. It is beneficial to discuss any confusion or happiness with your husband on a regular basis. It is unproductive to engage in discussions with relatives who may have different values.

These are my personal opinions. I wish you a happy family and a partner who understands you.