What if you are anxious about puberty and worried that your child will repeat your mistakes?

Hello, question asker. I can see you're feeling confused, and I'm here to support you!

You especially want your child, who is currently in junior high school, to avoid repeating the same mistakes you made. You want him to exercise more and develop hobbies.

But your wife wants the child to take more extracurricular tutoring classes.

But you and your wife can't seem to find common ground, which often leads to disagreements.

I think it's important to remember that what you and your wife think isn't the most important thing here.

It's important to listen to what the child has to say.

Your child is now in junior high school and can think for himself.

You and your wife can choose a good time to sit down with the three of you and have a family meeting to ask the child what he thinks.

Given that he's a boy, he might want to be more active. Rather than the after-school tutoring your wife wants, he'll probably just sit there and listen.

As parents, we often make plans for our kids. We worry that they'll fall behind their peers if they don't get off to a good start.

But if it's not really what the child wants, even if he doesn't say so now, he might end up resenting you and your wife when he's older.

So, the most important thing for you and your wife is to listen to your child's thoughts.

For instance, you could say something like, "We know you don't have class on weekends and have some free time. What would you like to do with that time? We'll respect your opinion." Saying this will make your child more willing to open up.

I really hope you can find a solution to this problem soon.

That's all I can think of for now.

I hope my answer was helpful and inspiring for you, the questioner. I'm the answerer, and I study hard every day.

Best wishes from all of us here at Yixinli!

Just wanted to check in and see how things are going!

I hope my answer helps.

Your needs are the same as your wife's. You just have different approaches. Negotiate, and you can reach an agreement that will promote your child's healthier and more comprehensive development. Learning is important. Sign up for tutoring classes. Sports and hobbies can also be balanced. Our goal is for our children to develop, be healthy, and happy.

My advice is:

You want your child to do more than study. You oppose your wife enrolling him in extra-curricular tutoring classes.

You want your child to study and develop other aspects of his personality. You feel that when your wife enrolls him in extra-curricular classes, it prevents him from developing his personality.

Is there really a causal relationship between the two? Can't we do both, study and exercise and pursue hobbies?

He can still play sports and develop hobbies even if he's taking tutoring.

2. She wants her child to do well in school and grow up healthy. She signed up for after-school tutoring, but also wants her child to play sports and develop hobbies.

As a mother, I understand your wife's feelings. We hope our children do well in school and grow up healthy, but we also want them to play sports and develop hobbies. Tutoring classes will take up some time, but there will still be time left over for sports and hobbies.

So, taking tutoring classes and doing more exercise, developing hobbies, can go together. Exercise can help you relax, relieve learning pressure, and improve learning efficiency. Developing hobbies is good for children. The positive experiences gained from hobbies can also be transferred to learning.

3. Talk together as a family to find a balance.

You both want your child to grow up well. This means you should talk to each other and ask your child what he thinks. He is an individual with his own thoughts. Ask him if he wants to learn with a tutor. If he doesn't want to learn on his own, a tutor won't help. Also ask him what sports and hobbies he likes. Sign him up for one or two classes based on his preferences. This must be something he likes. You can also spend time exercising with him when you have free time. This will help your relationship and help him grow.

For your reference. Best wishes!

Good day.

In response to your inquiry, I have identified three key points for your consideration.

Firstly, you are a father who cares deeply for your child. It is commendable that your child has the privilege of growing up in a loving family. It should be acknowledged that not all children are born out of love, and not every parent is capable of loving their children.

Secondly, you stated in the problem description that you did not experience adolescence. You have been focused on your studies in middle school and have neglected other interests.

Now that your child is also in junior high school, you are reflecting on how you spent your own junior high school years. It is a common and normal experience to feel a sense of regret.

Given the enduring presence of this unfinished business, there is a persistent sense of obligation to address it by providing your child with opportunities for more sports.

This is a form of compensation mentality, whereby you are attempting to compensate for your own secondary school experience. You are hoping to see your child have a more vibrant adolescence in junior high school, which will in turn improve your own sense of wellbeing.

Your actions are indicative of an attempt to protect and reassure your middle school-age self, particularly in regard to your child's participation in sports.

Third, in the context of differing educational values, there is no definitive right or wrong for either parent. Parents are ultimately acting in the best interests of their children.

While physical fitness is undoubtedly important, academic results are also a significant factor. In the current climate of heightened competition, every family is meticulously evaluating every aspect of their child's education, including the allocation of time dedicated to physical fitness.

Given the limited time available to children, it is worth asking whether they can truly do both.

It is, in fact, feasible to achieve this.

Schedule a fixed time for sports, for example twice a week on Friday evenings and Sunday mornings. Allot other times for cultural subjects.

This approach allows the child to allocate sufficient time for both sports and studies.

Enjoy the process.

Hello, I am Li Di. I appreciate our meeting.

From your description, I can sense your regret about the past and your deep concern about the future path of your child's growth. You want to make up for the deficiencies of your own adolescence and ensure your child doesn't repeat the same path. As a father, you have many worries. You want your child to exercise more and develop hobbies, but your wife and you have different ideas, and you have had conflicts because of this. You are very distressed and need guidance on how to proceed.

I have some thoughts on this, and I look forward to discussing them with you.

☞First, my child is now in junior high school, and I am concerned that he may repeat the same mistakes I made. However, when I calm down and think about it, I realize that my child is not the same as I was in junior high and high school. He is not just burying his head in his books like I did.

I want to know what kind of character my child is showing right now.

Second, my adolescence left me with a lot of regrets. I am not a complete failure. I am dissatisfied with myself, but I know I have good qualities.

I want to know how these strengths were formed.

☞ Third, I want my child to play sports and develop hobbies, but my wife wants to sign him up for some extracurricular classes. I understand my wife's educational philosophy, and I know what my child thinks.

I want to know how the child feels about the conflicts we have over his education. I also want to know if I've ever considered that a close relationship between husband and wife may be important for the child's character development.

The above discussion is just some thinking from other perspectives. If there is anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, you can choose to ignore it. These are just some assumptions.

Let's examine the psychological processes driving your emotions and needs so you can gain self-awareness and acceptance.

The situation you describe reflects a typical generational transfer phenomenon, which involves reflection on past experiences and the embodiment of personal values. During your adolescence, you focused mainly on academic achievement at the expense of other aspects of personal development because of the educational environment at the time.

This experience has led to your current inner needs: on the one hand, compensation for underdeveloped parts of yourself, and on the other hand, a desire to re-examine and adjust your child's education methods. This state of mind can be traced back to the American psychologist Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, especially the concept of self-actualization.

Maslow was clear that once people's basic physiological and safety needs are met, they will pursue belonging and respect, and ultimately self-actualization. This is the process of realizing personal potential and self-worth. You are at a stage where you value self-actualization and want your child to grow up in a more comprehensive environment to avoid the limitations you experienced.

Furthermore, Rogers' humanistic psychology places great importance on an individual's subjective experience and self-concept. He is convinced that everyone has the potential to become "functionally well," but that this potential can only be realized in a positive and supportive environment.

Your desire for your child to develop in such an environment shows that you recognize the importance of a healthy self-concept and are trying to create conditions that promote your child's overall development.

You need to find a way to balance the different views and expectations within the family. This will require communication and negotiation skills, as well as a reasonable compromise that both parties can agree on while respecting each other.

This is about more than just sticking to your personal values. It's also about supporting your child's individual growth.

In light of these considerations, I propose the following methods to address the situation.

Have an in-depth conversation with your partner. Express your feelings and expectations in an empathetic way, and listen to her position and concerns at the same time.

Set common goals. You may disagree on the methods of education, but you both want the same thing: for your child to grow up healthy and happy. Find common ground and establish a cooperative relationship.

Make compromises where necessary to achieve a balance that meets academic requirements while supporting the child's overall development.

Seek professional guidance from an educational consultant or family counselor if needed. This will help you understand each other's perspectives and find a feasible solution.

Self-reflection is key. Think about how your childhood experiences have shaped your current beliefs and behaviors. Ask yourself: do these beliefs still meet the needs of you and your child?

Deal with the tension and conflicts arising from different educational concepts. Ensure that discussions are conducted in a calm emotional state.

You should also have an open dialogue with your child to understand his thoughts and needs and involve him in the decision-making process. This will enhance the parent-child relationship and help your child learn to manage and plan their own lives independently. Education is about more than just accumulating knowledge; it's also about shaping character and developing abilities.

I am confident that my answer is helpful. The world and I love you!

Hi, I'm Shu Yaping, a psychological coach at One Mind. After reading your question, I'd like to share my thoughts and feelings in the hope that I can support you.

First, let's talk about the anxiety and marital tension caused by children's home education.

I can see that you're aware of your own problems, but it seems like you've focused on your son's issues more than anything else.

In fact, building a good relationship with your spouse should be your top priority in a family.

A good marriage is key to a child getting the undivided attention they need.

Building a harmonious relationship is something both partners need to work on together.

And in all relationships, you need to put yourself first.

This isn't selfish. It's about taking good care of yourself, growing yourself, and loving yourself well so you can give your family your all.

Secondly, it's important to take care of yourself.

You also said that when you were young, you were taught by society to suppress the freedom and joy of your youth by studying hard for ten years.

It's actually a time when you're at your best. You might even start to worry about getting through puberty.

At the end of the day, you can't change what's already happened, but you can change how you think about it.

Can I ask you a question? Did you feel like you weren't treated fairly by your parents? And did you spend all your time studying, which might have held you back from developing your personality? I'm just wondering if that actually helped you build your professional expertise and career.

Putting yourself first means it's time to focus on self-care and become the best, most fulfilled version of yourself.

The key to re-parenting yourself is to love yourself well.

You can even try to be your own inner parent and raise yourself well again according to the ideal parent you want to be. The ideal parent loves you unconditionally.

Nurturing yourself again is also about making sure you're taking care of yourself first, learning to support yourself, learning to make yourself happy, and learning to support yourself unconditionally.

Only then can we truly accept ourselves and believe that we are unconditionally loved; only then can we nourish and support our inner child, and our hearts won't be consumed by too much internal conflict.

In fact, turning 40 and being free from the stress of career development and life direction before the age of 35 is a great time to be in the prime of life.

We're all the youngest we'll ever be today.

If we don't have a personality, let's find our own through our inner voice. And if we don't have a specialty, let's find our own specialty according to our interests.

I'm really proud of how I handled the challenges of adolescence.

Martin Seligman, the founder of positive psychology, also said something really worthwhile: "The best way to live your life is to change what you can and accept what you cannot."

Rebirth is the most nourishing force for making changes.

Let's take care of ourselves and learn to love ourselves again.

Take back your courage and motivation to face this complex world. Set good boundaries and protect your energy.

This will help you focus on your own life and create your own path.

I'd also suggest checking out some psychology books on personal growth and family relationships, like "The Courage to Be Disliked," "Two-Way Parenting," and "Meeting Your Child and Meeting a Better Self."

You might want to think about speaking to a counselor or teacher to help you explore a more colorful life through your own growth and learning.

Believe in yourself. You've got this! Believe in you, and you'll get better and better!

I hope this helps! I love what I do, and I love the world!

You're a great dad, Questioner! You've been in the rain too, so you want to give your child an umbrella and help him have a happy and healthy adolescence.

It's totally understandable to want your child to have a more colorful adolescence that isn't bogged down by excessive academic pressure.

Your ideas are great! Sports and hobbies are really important for your child's development. It's so good that you and your wife are both thinking of your child's best interests. It's just that you have different approaches to education, which is totally normal!

I really think you should try to communicate more, understand each other's thoughts and concerns, and find a balance.

Times have changed, and so have our needs as parents and children.

It's so important to communicate well with your wife. She's your partner in this journey, so let her know your thoughts on your own upbringing and what you're hoping for your child.

It's so important to listen to her thoughts and concerns. Maybe she believes that extracurricular tutoring is important for improving her child's academic performance, and her decision is based on her own experiences.

You can have a chat together about how to make sure your little one gets the exercise and hobby time they need, while also doing well at school.

For example, you can choose some tutoring classes that your child is really interested in and suitable for him, rather than enrolling him in lots of classes at once. It's also a great idea to plan regular exercise time to help your child develop the habit of exercising!

It's so important to include your child in this conversation! Let them share their thoughts and ideas, and respect their wishes.

I really hope this helps you ease the conflict with your husband and find a way that is more suitable for your child's development. It's also a great idea to share more of your own experiences with your child so he understands your intentions and motives.

Hello, I'm Qingyi, and I'm thrilled to be your psychological counselor!

From your question, I can tell you're a great dad who cares deeply about and loves your child. You want your son to have a better life than you did, and you're ready to help him avoid the mistakes you made in your teenage years.

Indeed, adolescence is a very important period for each of us. Major changes are taking place both externally, in our bodies, and internally, in our minds. Although it is full of contradictions and conflicts, it is also full of vitality, energy, hope, and possibilities! However, due to our current selection system for the high school entrance exam and college entrance exam, all kinds of passion and vitality within us are forced to be confined to a small desk, hunched over, bowing our heads, buried in textbooks and exercise books several feet high. Such an adolescence is like a flower that never blooms, going directly from bud to fruit. Such a youth is full of regrets and loss, as if it has never lived vividly and recklessly... You don't want your child to experience such a repressive adolescence, without sunshine, without the freedom to run wild and jump around. But you can help them avoid it!

As a father, you're doing an amazing job! It's not easy to maintain such a belief in the current social context, so I applaud you!

We can't change the social environment, but we can adapt! The good news is that we can adjust the small family environment. Students are already the hardest-working group, facing pressure from society, school, grade, class, and peer competition. But parents can help by not adding another pile of bricks to their children's shoulders. Let's help our children succeed!

Parents can help their children relieve stress, relax, and improve their mood in so many ways! Every child is born with different qualities, and parents can help their children reach their full potential by setting realistic goals. By understanding, supporting, encouraging, and praising their children's efforts, parents can give their children more room to grow, cultivate their personal autonomy, and allow them to freely and fully develop their greatest potential and live their lives to the fullest!

It seems from the description of the problem that you and your wife don't quite agree on your views on your children's education. This can cause arguments between you and affect family harmony. But don't worry! You can fix this. First, try to communicate with your wife. Gradually shift your focus from studies to the cultivation of your children's physical and mental health, sound character, and good interpersonal interactions. Strive to gain your wife's support and understanding of your ideas.

When it comes to learning, school and teachers are already enough of a challenge for most kids. But what if your child suggested which area needed strengthening and could be selectively focused on? That would be amazing! Home is a place for emotions, and it is also the cradle of a child's growth. Creating a positive, healthy, warm, and harmonious family atmosphere for the child helps the child develop a healthy psychological state and interpersonal relationships.

Most importantly, parents need to try to learn to let go of their children, fully trust their children, and believe in their instinctive enterprising spirit and internal drive. Every child is born with the innate motivation to be positive, and it's our job as parents to give that motivation back to them! Give your children the right to choose, and hand over to them a portion of the responsibility they can bear.

I'd like to end with a wonderful poem by Kahlil Gibran called "On Children."

Your children, but they are not really your children.

They are the children of life's longing for itself!

They live through you, but they don't come from you.

They are with you, and that's a wonderful thing! They don't belong to you, and that's a great thing too!

And you can give them your love!

And they have their own thoughts!

And you can shelter their bodies, but you cannot shelter their souls!

And their souls belong to tomorrow! A tomorrow you can't even visit in your dreams, but it's there, waiting for you!

You can even try your best to be like them!

But please, don't make them like you!

For life does not go backwards, nor does it stop at yesterday!

You are the bow, and your child is the arrow, ready to soar!

The archer gazes into the distance, his eyes fixed on the target at the end of the road. With divine power, he draws you taut, sending his arrow soaring far and fast!

You should feel joy in the archer's palm!

He loves the arrow that flies, but he also loves the bow that remains still in his hands!

Dear Questioner, I get it. You're worried about the challenges your kids might face as they grow up. You're afraid they'll face the same struggles you did. I've got a book for you. It's called The Nurturing Myth by Judith Harris. It's a great read.

In today's competitive world, it's easy for parents to get caught up in worrying about things like whether their kids are starting school too late, if they have good learning habits, and whether their education is comprehensive enough. This book gently reminds us that there's no need to be so nervous.

Harris shares a really interesting insight in her book: children's development is influenced more by the culture of their friends and the social environment around them than by the direct daily teachings of their parents. She talks about how peers, social comparisons, and the outside world can affect children's personalities and behaviour patterns, using concepts like the "majority rule principle," the "pecking order principle," and the "intergroup comparison effect."

With this in mind, let's look at some ways we can support each other in dealing with concerns about our teenage children.

Help your kids make friends by getting them involved in social activities. Good teachers and friends will help them learn how to socialize, which will make learning easier. This kind of growth is far richer and more powerful than relying solely on family guidance.

You're the captain of your child's ship. You're teaching them how to make decisions, whether it's about after-school activities or friends. Let them choose for themselves, but with moderation. This kind of exercise will help them navigate the boat of life in the future and find a growth path that suits them.

Home is a warm haven. The harmony between you and your partner and your love for life will be passed on to the next generation without saying a word. Relax and enjoy every moment you spend with your children, so that home becomes their strongest support, not a burden.

Be your child's guiding star. Your lifestyle and attitude are like the brightest stars in the night sky, guiding your child without saying a word. Pursue your passions and stay optimistic. You are your child's best role model, inspiring him to face life with a positive attitude.

In short, Harris says that while we can't plan every step of our kids' lives, we can guide them toward a broad life path by creating a loving social environment, encouraging their independence, maintaining family harmony, and setting an example through our lifestyles. On this journey, learning to let go and allowing children to thrive through exploration and experimentation may be the warmest and wisest way to raise them. May this journey be full of love and hope?

Hello. I am honored to answer your question and I am confident that my sharing will be of help to you.

After listening to your description, I have a question for you: do you and your partner focus on the feelings and needs of the child, or on your own feelings and needs?

Mom wants to send the child to extra-curricular tutoring, and dad wants the child to exercise more and develop hobbies. But what does the child think?

As parents, we must first let go of our own fears and listen to our children. We must understand our children before we love them. When children are doing well, marital conflicts disappear. I can also feel your love for your wife, your care for your marriage and family, and your sense of responsibility. You will find the best solution that suits you.

We can learn to be happy and heal the adolescent self. We can see ourselves again, see our feelings and needs, understand the once-naive teenager, embrace him, and let him regain his vitality. Together with the current self, we can fight monsters and level up, living out the real self.

That's all I have to say. I wish you the best.

I highly recommend the following books: "Decoding Adolescence," "Adolescent Brainstorm," and "Positive Discipline for Teenage Children."

Hello.

Thank you for clearly articulating your current dilemma. I will address it directly and start a productive dialogue with you.

1. Adolescence

We are all made of flesh and blood, and our transformation period is unknown. The current game settings show a long experience period of about 78 years. In comparison, adolescence is only a short period of 6-8 years.

As parents, you are given a special task in the process of having and raising children. It is your responsibility to help your children get through their childhood and adolescence better.

Accompanying them is the best thing you can do. If someone gets lost in the village, the kind locals are willing to accompany the unfamiliar friend to find the way.

Furthermore, the child is the one navigating. You will see familiar and unfamiliar scenery along the way in the process of accompanying your child.

You will accompany your child on this journey, get more exercise, and try different hobbies. Your wife thinks you should schedule time for extracurricular tutoring.

There are two enthusiastic "locals" leading the way, and there are also two plans. I want to know if these two plans are mutually exclusive.

2. Life goals

If you're struggling to find your way in the countryside, take a deep breath. Wave your hand at the child and say, "The village 10 li away is similar to ours here. The scenery there is superb." Decades have passed, and the road is still made of loess underneath, but above it is a new system.

The scenery may have changed, but the dangers have not diminished. To blaze a trail, you still have to spend most of your life expending energy. Your own adolescence may have been buried under the pressure of your studies, but if you look up, you can see the golden house and beautiful girl not far away. You are an excellent little academic warrior who has overcome all obstacles along the way.

But your goal is not just to pass all your exams. You have discovered other dimensions, perhaps more important things, such as different aspects of ability and the charm of personality. It's really great that you can experience the role of "enthusiastic fellow villager" again. Just refer to these two lines of dialogue: "Where are you going, my child?" and "It's not easy to find there. Wait until I loosen this soil and I'll go with you!"

"And then your old partner shows up. 'It's so dangerous there. Why would you want to go there with your bare hands?'" Life is like a performance. If the director tells the audience about the "box office target," they won't go to the theater.

Dear questioner, My name is Xin Xinran 1314, and I am honored to have the opportunity to answer your question.

You are in your forties, and you feel a sense of regret for not having the opportunity to experience the typical adolescence during your junior high and high school years. Despite your efforts to excel academically, you feel that you may have missed out on developing other abilities. Now that your child is also in junior high school, you hope that your child will have the chance to experience their own youth and not repeat your mistakes. This has led to some differences of opinion with your wife regarding your child's participation in after-school tutoring classes, which has caused some tension in your marriage.

I can relate to your feelings.

I recall when I was a child, my junior high school math grades suddenly declined. I was eager to seek assistance from my parents, but at the time, they were preoccupied and somewhat neglectful, so I hesitated to ask for help. Consequently, my math grades declined significantly, and my overall performance gradually declined as well. When I became a parent, I made it a point to pay close attention to my child's academic progress, particularly his grades, with the hope that through my "concern," my child would excel. However, circumstances took an unexpected turn, as my excessive attention may have limited my child's potential for growth. Despite his grades being satisfactory, he was noticeably unhappy.

For this reason, I have been somewhat self-critical.

It is often the case that parents believe that they should make up for past regrets through their children. For instance, if a parent was neglected as a child, they may feel that paying more attention to their children is a way of showing love. Similarly, if a parent spent their adolescence buried in books, they may want their children to play sports and develop hobbies, as they believe this is what adolescence should be like. While parents do not want their children to suffer the way they did, they may not fully understand what suffering and happiness look like for their children. They may believe they know, but it is important to remember that children have their own experiences and perspectives.

If I might offer you some advice, it would be as follows:

1. If you could find a quiet moment to say goodbye to your own adolescence, you might find it helpful to slowly sort out the pent-up remorse, anger, and regrets, and let your emotions flow. After you've released your emotions, you may find it easier to avoid projecting your unfulfilled wishes onto your children.

2. It might be helpful to recognize that although you may have lost the full development of your personality, you have gained excellent academic results and relatively good living conditions in reality. There are always gains and losses in life.

3. It might be helpful to talk to your child. You could tell him your story from your adolescence, and let him think about it for himself. This could help him to make a choice that suits him.

4. It would be beneficial to strengthen communication with your wife. You might consider telling her your concerns frankly and allowing her to understand what psychological needs are behind your objections. Striving to reach a consensus on your children's education could also be a worthwhile goal.

I hope these suggestions are helpful for you to consider. I wish you all the best in your endeavors.

Dear questioner, I want to thank you for your child! It's great that you're thinking about how to help him grow in different ways during adolescence, not just focusing on studying. Your child is lucky to have a parent like you! Many children today lead very narrow lives, and it seems like there's only one thing to do: study. This lack of variety can lead to missed opportunities to experience a rich and colorful life, which can result in some regrets in adulthood, as you mentioned.

As someone who has worked with young people for a long time, I totally get your worries and anxieties. You want your child to have a youth that they'll absolutely love and never regret!

And you know what else? You'll have a rich life in the future! I think you're absolutely right!

But the reality is that not all ideas can be realized. As you said, your spouse wants to enroll your child in tutoring classes, while you want your child to develop a heart to experience more in life. This has created a conflict between you, but it also presents an opportunity for you to work together to find a solution that will benefit your child. What should you do?

One great way to do this is to have a family meeting! Get together with your child and your partner and discuss his development face to face.

Listen to your child's opinion, which shows respect for your child and expresses the opinion of your loved one. As a teenager, learning is of course important, and there are so many ways you can help your child succeed! You can tell your child what he can do on the condition that he maintains a minimum passing grade.

Your child's thoughts might be different from ours, and that's great!

Another great way to help your child is to see what choices the children around you have made. Because in adolescence, a child's friendships are also a very important factor that affects their quality of life.

If all the other children are attending cram school and your child is not, he will feel left out and be worried. But if your child goes to an interest class with other children, he will feel supported by his peers and become more confident and happy!

Ultimately, it's up to your child to decide whether or not to go to cram school and develop other hobbies. After all, they're already in junior high school, and they have their own feelings. They may not be an adult yet, but they're ready to learn and grow. It's important to let them explore and discover on their own, while also offering guidance and support. You can try it!

From a psychological perspective, the developmental task of adolescence is self-identity. This is an amazing time of growth and exploration! It's so important to give your child the chance to integrate their own personality.

After all, junior high school students are still young, and there are plenty of opportunities to make corrections later.

When you leave your child's problems to your child and your family's problems to the family to discuss together, you will be amazed at how much less anxiety you feel! You'll also see that the problems you thought were so worrisome aren't even a problem for your child and your loved one. This phenomenon is often found in our clients, and it can be helpful for you too!

I really hope my answer is helpful to you! And don't forget, I love you in this world and beyond!

I'm grateful to have had the opportunity to connect with you.

From what you've shared, I can sense your concern about your child's growth and your deep affection for him. Let's explore this together.

1. It would be beneficial to express your anxieties and thoughts consistently.

Given your own experience, you understand that it is not ideal to prioritize academic learning to the exclusion of other aspects of your child's development. You hope that your child will not face the same challenges you have encountered. You are concerned that your child may end up facing similar difficulties, which could potentially hinder their overall growth and development.

You are acting in the best interests of your child, which is certainly a commendable approach.

It's possible that your spouse may not have had the chance to experience this kind of education method before, or she may have been influenced by the general environment and not realized that her desire to enroll her child in extracurricular tutoring classes might potentially hinder the child's personality development. She may only see and understand things from her own perspective, or make choices based on the practices of other parents. Her considerations are very limited, but they are for the good of the child.

It would be beneficial to consider the other person's original intention, express your anxieties and thoughts to the other person in a consistent manner, let your loved one know the reasons why you do not support this idea, and understand yourself. This could help facilitate effective communication between you both.

2. Allow the child to make his own decision.

It would be beneficial to involve the child, as he is the main character in his future life. It is up to him to decide whether or not to sign up for an extracurricular tutorial class at this time. It would be helpful to check with the child to see if he is keeping up with his studies, if he needs to sign up for an extracurricular tutorial class, if he can settle down and study, or if he is more adept at sports. You could also talk to the teacher to find out more about the child's situation.

If your child truly requires assistance with their studies, it would be respectful to honor their decision and preferences while considering the option of enrolling them in a tutorial class. Similarly, if your child demonstrates a natural inclination towards sports, it would be beneficial to acknowledge their abilities and interests and plan accordingly.

It would be beneficial to respect your child's feelings, allow him to make decisions, and make choices for himself and for me in advance. After all, he needs to make his own decisions about the future. While we can't always choose for him, he knows better what suits him, what he likes, and what he is good at. It would also be helpful for him to understand himself. These choices could assist him in developing the ability to be independent and self-reliant.

3. Seeing your own anxiety

I believe that your anxiety about your child's adolescence and worry about their future may be rooted in a sense of non-acceptance, incomprehension, and even rejection of your past experiences. In the past, you may have focused primarily on studying, while neglecting the development of other aspects of your life. This may have led to challenges after graduation and at work, causing you to feel uncomfortable. It seems that you are seeking a way to rewrite the past and change the current state. Is this an accurate understanding?

It's natural to hope that your child will not follow in your footsteps and that he will not regret the past as you do now. However, it's also important to consider how your child is currently learning and whether he is enjoying it.

It's important to remember that everyone is different. Some people may choose to focus on their studies during their growth process and neglect the development of other aspects, and they may feel happy with this approach and not feel it has an impact. They may even enjoy the process. However, this approach may not align with your own preferences, and you may feel anxious about your child's growth as a result. It's essential to recognize that this emotion is your own.

I believe that behind this emotion, you hope that you were understood, respected, accepted, and tolerated back then. You also hope that your parents gave you the freedom to choose, respected your feelings and thoughts, and treated you as an independent individual. Is this correct?

While we cannot predict the future, we can take steps to ensure our children have the best chance at a bright future. One way to do this is by focusing on self-care, self-respect, self-acceptance, and self-understanding. This approach can also serve as a model for our children, instilling positive habits at an early age. If we are facing anxiety, it's important to identify the underlying cause and find ways to address it. This could involve seeking support, finding ways to relax, or making adjustments to our thinking patterns. By doing so, we can begin to reconcile with our anxiety and move forward with a sense of inner peace.

Perhaps you could consider educating your child in the way you wished your parents had educated you. It might also be helpful to communicate with your child about his thoughts, respect, understand, and accept your child. I would like to do this, and I believe that your inner anxiety will be seen and weakened, until your inner peace returns and you become stronger.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. I wish you the best!