What if you can't face a failed and worthless self?

Good morning, my name is Coach Yu from Xin Tan, and I would be grateful for the opportunity to discuss this topic with you.

In my experience, whether it's at work or in relationships, or in the pursuit of learning or personal growth, almost all transformations will encounter difficult choices. I can relate to the original poster's sentiment that I have made some missteps along the way, so I am naturally cautious when making choices. This has led me to approach new endeavors with a degree of hesitancy, and I often find myself trying something and then moving on.

One possible reason for inaction is that we are afraid of failure. It's not uncommon to feel afraid that if we don't do well enough, our inadequacies and shortcomings will be exposed, and we may face criticism or accusations, or even damage to our self-esteem.

Perhaps if we don't take action, we avoid the frustration of "not achieving" and the self-critical thoughts that accompany it. It's possible that, subconsciously, we choose not to take action as a result.

Perhaps we are reluctant to take action because we are tired and fed up. It's not always easy to admit this feeling, but our actions often reflect it.

It is not uncommon to find ourselves caught in a cycle where our dreams are beautiful, but our reality is lacking. This can lead to feelings of fatigue and irritability in our bodies and minds.

When setting up action plans and work goals, it may be helpful to consider aligning them with the SMART principle. This could involve taking into account practical circumstances and objective factors, and breaking down larger goals into smaller ones. This approach may help to increase a sense of control and efficacy, which could in turn boost confidence and lead to a sense of accomplishment. It may be beneficial to start with simple tasks and aim for a breakthrough to break a cycle. Additionally, it could be valuable to associate tasks with positive feelings by offering oneself rewards, such as a good meal or a small gift. This could help to form a virtuous cycle of positive reinforcement.

Everyone has flaws, and everyone has a side of themselves they might not want to show, which we could call the "dark side." People around us might not be ready to accept it, and we ourselves might not be ready to face it. So, we put on masks and act as characters that others like, but we might feel a bit tired and worn out.

As the questioner said, although others say that my conditions are already good, I still have the sense that I am lacking in value, lacking in motivation, and lacking in direction. These conflicting thoughts could potentially exacerbate my anxiety.

It might be helpful to consider what we think when we are with other people, and what feelings and emotions this brings us. Similarly, we could think about what we think when we are with our family, and what feelings and emotions this brings us.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what aspects of ourselves might make it challenging for us to engage in social interactions. What are the feelings or thoughts that make us feel afraid?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what the ideal self might be and what we could do to become that person.

It might be helpful to try to reconcile with our emotions. When unpleasant and painful negative emotions arise, we could consider saying "stop" in time, taking a deep breath, and quietly watching them without any judgment. It might be beneficial to allow the emotions to come and go freely like clouds, and drift away slowly like fallen leaves in the water. We could also try to record what our feelings are at the moment.

Your writing is for your own benefit, so please feel free to write about your feelings in an honest and open manner. This will help us gain a deeper understanding of the causes and effects of emotions, as well as identify the root of the problem.

Perhaps we could try to adjust our mentality, let go of our expectations of perfection, and accept our own inadequacies and imperfections. Life is a long-distance race, and success may not be instantaneous, but it does have a clumsy beginning. When we accept ourselves, we may unload our heavy burdens and release our tight hearts. We could try not to force others or be harsh with ourselves. With an objective and comprehensive understanding of ourselves, we could try not to be swayed by external voices and comments. We could face problems and difficulties with equanimity.

It might be helpful to seek support because this situation has been troubling you and is causing you distress. It can be challenging to overcome these feelings immediately, so it's important to give yourself time and space to process them. If you feel comfortable doing so, you might consider speaking with a trusted family member or friend who has been a source of positive support in your life. Additionally, you may find it beneficial to speak with a counselor, as emotional release can be a valuable tool in alleviating feelings of heaviness and blockage.

It would be beneficial for us to also seek ways to experience the beauty of nature, to form genuine human connections, to nurture our interests and hobbies, and to enhance our inner sense of stability. When we have a robust self-evaluation system, we can more confidently navigate the challenges of life.

We would like to suggest the book "Where Does Strength Come From?" as a recommended read.

I can discern the internal conflict and complexity of the questioner's motivations. It is evident that the questioner aspires to achieve something and gain recognition and acceptance from others. However, they are also deeply concerned about the potential negative comments from others. They are reluctant to accept their own ordinary nature and are hesitant to try again due to fear of being criticized for making mistakes. This ultimately leads to the current dilemma.

Every situation has multiple sides, including both advantageous and disadvantageous aspects. There are instances where hard work yields no results, yet perseverance can lead to success. Some individuals struggle to accept their ordinary and common nature, which can be attributed to various reasons. It would be beneficial for the individual to understand these reasons and decide whether to accept their true self.

However, I believe that accepting one's true self entails acknowledging both one's strengths and weaknesses, as well as one's shortcomings and ordinariness. Everyone possesses both strengths and weaknesses, but some individuals tend to focus on their strengths while overlooking their weaknesses, while others may do the opposite. Some people are able to recognize both their strengths and weaknesses.

It is important to consider both advantages and disadvantages, as they are an integral part of any situation. Advantages can lead to recognition, acceptance, and positive outcomes, while disadvantages can prevent unnecessary challenges and protect us from potential issues. Both serve a protective function in our lives.

People are social creatures. In order to survive, they must maintain close contact with the group at all times. This is a natural law that has existed since ancient times. The questioner feels pain about the evaluation of interpersonal communication. What kind of evaluation of interpersonal relationships does the questioner feel pain about? Is it positive recognition, acceptance, praise, or negative attacks, negation, and accusations?

Furthermore, in interpersonal relationships, no matter how outstanding a person is, no matter what the matter is, there will always be people who approve and accept, and there will also be people who disapprove and question. This is an unavoidable aspect of human nature. Many people like the renminbi, but there are also people who prefer the US dollar, pound sterling, and euro to the renminbi. It is not productive to attempt to change other people's preferences. It is more effective to respect and accept them.

The opinions of others are their own business and a matter of personal freedom. However, this does not extend to you. If you accept the opinions of others, you do so at your own discretion. Likewise, if you do not accept the opinions of others, you are under no obligation to do so. You have the right to choose and decide for yourself. You are not required to accept the opinions of others unquestioningly. You can choose and decide flexibly according to your own needs.

There is an old adage that warns of the lasting impact of a single negative experience. In the context of professional development, this implies that even a single unsuccessful attempt can leave a lasting impression, deterring individuals from attempting the same task again without sufficient preparation. To achieve success, it is essential to persistently experiment with different approaches, adaptively adjust one's perspective, and strive to identify the optimal method and objective.

It is important to understand that there is no easy path to success. Consider, for instance, the process of learning to speak. Initially, children will often babble continuously, and their speech may be difficult to understand. This is to be expected, as they are still developing their communication skills. As they grow older, they will gradually become more proficient in hearing and speaking, and their speech will become increasingly clear.

If you cease learning and speaking when you first start to speak and are teased, you will never become fluent. The same applies to interpersonal relationships. There will always be times when you don't know how to respond to teasing. To become more skilled and more confident, you must keep observing, learning, and drawing on experience, listen more, speak more, and do more. This is the only way to avoid mistakes and teasing.

As the adage goes, failure is the mother of success, and summary is the father of success. To succeed, one must first recognize their shortcomings, reflect on the reasons for their failure, and then avoid repeating those mistakes. These are my personal opinions on the matter, which I hope will be of benefit to the questioner.

Hello! I'll give you a 360-degree hug.

From what you've said, it seems like you're seen as a pretty successful and advantageous person by others. You mentioned that people say your situation isn't bad, you just need to be more courageous.

Other people's opinions are often the most common social evaluation system at the moment, which means that in the current social evaluation system, you are already doing pretty well.

But you don't agree with how others see you. You have higher standards for yourself, and your own view of success is different from what society expects. In your own view, you are a failure and worthless. Society's view is simple and direct. It's about visible standards, like how much money you make, the size of your house, where you go to school, where you work, etc. These are the standards society uses to judge success.

It's worth noting that other people's thoughts and social evaluation standards don't matter. However, it seems that your evaluation standard for yourself is more inclined to be internal.

I don't know what your own evaluation criteria are, but it seems like you don't recognize the public's evaluation because their criteria are different from yours.

The issue is that your own self-evaluation can be altered to suit your own interests. For instance, if others view you as a successful person, but you disagree,

Then you have to face your own evaluation: "I'm not a successful person. What should I do?" Some people will say, "I need to work harder to become a successful person." They'll define success themselves.

Some people may say, "I'm not a successful person. I'm actually a worthless person, and I refuse to accept that I'm worthless." Then they get stuck in a state of denial, and they never accomplish anything.

You might think this is strange, but from a psychological perspective, not accepting one's own failure is actually a form of self-preservation. By not accepting it, you avoid taking action. Since you don't take action, you naturally avoid failure, and you can stay in the mental struggle without having to try.

This makes it look like I'm not brave, that I'm too careful, so I can't take action. The upside is that you don't have to take action, just as you said, you don't have the courage to take a step.

This will become your comfort zone.

It's likely that your fear of failure is the reason behind this. In fact, what we're afraid of may not be failure itself, but the need to face the comments of others and our own self-evaluation after failure.

If you don't want to be judged, you simply don't do it, and you won't fail. You've created a closed loop for yourself, whether you're stuck in not accepting failure, or being afraid to choose, or not daring to take a single step. In any case, you won't change.

Why are you afraid of the consequences of failure? It's likely that you can trace this back to your upbringing. When you made even the smallest mistake, your family criticized and belittled you, which made you very afraid of facing the consequences of failure.

You should talk to a counselor about this. Find out what you're really afraid of, and then learn to think about yourself and the opinions of others in a more rational way.

I'm a counselor who tends to be a bit pessimistic, but I also have moments of positivity. I love the world and I'm here to help.

Hello. I am a heart exploration coach. Life is a beautiful journey. Appreciate it. Embrace it. Let it blossom within you.

I can see your worries and anxieties. You think you are worthless and a failure, and you can't accept your ordinary and common nature. You can't let go of other people's opinions of you, so much so that you want to escape from people and not establish any connections with them. Let's share and discuss together.

Self-evaluation has its limits.

As you said, many chicken soup articles teach us to accept our ordinariness. Let me be clear: the evaluation criteria for "ordinary" and "common" are different from those for "great" and "heroic."

Wang Jianlin, Jack Ma, and Pony Ma are well-known entrepreneurs to the public, but in their business circles, there are plenty more just like them. Let's call that "ordinary" and "common."

A provincial champion at the games is nothing special at the national level; a national champion at the games may also have an average performance at the Olympics.

I want to make one thing clear: there is no best, only better, within your own field. What we call "outstanding" or "mediocre" are just relative terms. Doing your best within your capabilities is already extraordinary.

You may think you're a failure and worthless, but in the eyes of others, you are already quite good. In other words, when we look up at others, there are actually many people looking up at us too.

You must complete the lifelong lessons of self-awareness and self-exploration. This is why you must keep learning, mature, and grow. As a student, you have the ideas and views of a student. When you start working, they will change. Your outlook on life and values will also change before and after you get married.

Mr. Zeng Shiqiang's insights on traditional culture are invaluable. We all work hard and face challenges throughout our lives. Ultimately, we all seek peace of mind. However, only through experience and personal growth can we truly achieve this.

2. You're stuck in the past, unable to see the future.

"Everyone makes mistakes." It's a fact of life. And no one is immune from criticism. So, adjust your mindset: I have to take care of my own mood before I can take care of yours.

If you can't do both, allow yourself to be selfish.

You've made mistakes in the past, and you're now extremely cautious about the choices you make in the future. This has led to a sense of fear and hesitation.

When we dwell on the past, we feel regret and remorse, which leads us to blame ourselves and live in the past. When we focus on the present or the future, we feel hope and strength, which allows us to appreciate the present and anticipate the future.

Use self-reflection to find a suitable field of work for yourself, such as writing or answering questions on platforms (discussing the meaning of life with others). Chinese and foreign history is full of optimistic and pessimistic writers. Turn your problems into resources and change your mindset to change your life.

Read the book The Meaning of Life and watch the movie Groundhog Day. Your life will be more colorful and rich due to the experiences you gain.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. The world and I love you.

If you want to continue the exchange, follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello. It's clear to me that you have a serious anxiety/i-was-a-housewife-for-seven-years-i-have-a-severe-social-phobia-and-always-feel-like-im-being-watched-so-i-cant-take-that-step-17521.html" target="_blank">social phobia for a number of reasons. You also often feel anxious and uneasy about trivial matters, which causes you pain every day. This situation has occurred because you have a strong resistance to socializing deep down in your heart. You cannot get rid of the influence of this psychology.

We all have social phobias, and they vary in severity. Some people may only show it slightly, while others are more serious, and some may even affect normal life. But everyone needs to communicate with others. This is an ability we must have in order to survive. If you really can't communicate normally with others, then you can try to change yourself and become less closed-minded.

Take the plunge and try something new. You never know what opportunities, experiences, and even your own spark will come your way. Life is a journey of learning and growth. It's not about getting it right the first time. It's about embracing the lessons and becoming a better version of yourself.

If you're worried that you've made the wrong choice, take a deep breath and think about what you really want. Then make a choice and don't look back. We're all unique, but it's possible that everyone around you is better at something. That's okay. We're not worthless.

Best wishes!

Dear Question Asker, I hope you will find this message supportive and that it will be of some assistance to you.

It is important to note that individuals who are unable to accept themselves often find it challenging to establish positive relationships with others. This is because they tend to have a negative self-image, which they then project onto others, leading to a perception of being rejected and unappreciated.

It is, however, not necessarily the case that others are truly this unaccepting and negative towards themselves. Once your inner state has been adjusted, you will feel completely differently about the outside world. There is a saying that is particularly apt in this context: "Dear, there is no one else out there but yourself."

It is therefore necessary to adjust our inner state.

I would like to offer you the following advice:

Before accepting yourself, it is first necessary to accept your own non-acceptance, to understand yourself, and to allow yourself to feel negative emotions and dissatisfaction with yourself.

It is important to note that accepting oneself does not entail forcing oneself to engage in self-criticism and self-attack. Rather, it is a matter of adopting a friendly and caring attitude towards oneself. In the event that one is currently unable to accept oneself, there is no obligation to force this acceptance. It is possible that one may perceive oneself as a failure and a worthless being, and may be reluctant to admit this about oneself. In such cases, one may resist accepting this true self.

However, it is a real state, objectively existing, and will not change just because you do not accept it. Therefore, the reason we emphasize acceptance is that when we can accept this real, imperfect self, we will no longer have so much to consume and resist, but can really focus on what we can do to grow and improve ourselves.

If we are unable to accept ourselves, we can first attempt to understand ourselves and allow ourselves to experience negative emotions and dissatisfaction. To illustrate this concept, imagine that you are your best friend. If your story were to happen to him, how would you offer him tolerance and comfort, and how would you understand and accept him? This is a crucial exercise for self-reflection.

2. Manage your inner emotions to achieve a state of calm. Only when we are calm can we make clear, well-informed decisions and identify our own direction.

It is important to recognize the full range of emotions you are experiencing, including anger, resentment, and distress. Expressing these emotions in a constructive manner can help to alleviate stress and promote relaxation. When you are more relaxed, you will be better able to assess your situation objectively and have the courage to accept yourself.

As an example, you can adopt the practice of writing therapy, whereby you record your inner concerns, feelings, and emotions in a frank and honest manner, without concern for the neatness or logic of your handwriting. You may also wish to participate in a supportive growth group. During the group process, the acceptance, understanding, respect, and trust of the group members will provide you with the courage and strength to accept yourself fully, and to recognise that temporary difficulties do not define you permanently. They will give you confidence to continue to grow and become the person you truly are. You may also wish to cultivate the habit of mindfulness meditation, following the principles of being aware, not judging, and being in the present moment, to improve your awareness and acceptance. This can also help you maintain emotional stability and peace. When you can calm down, you will have solutions to problems and the ability to overcome difficulties, because "calmness can generate wisdom."

3. Accepting oneself is a process that requires practice. Individuals who are more accepting of themselves tend to experience greater inner harmony, which in turn leads to a more positive perception of the world around them.

Self-acceptance is a skill that requires practice. I myself also practiced for a long time before gradually improving my level of self-acceptance. It is still challenging to fully accept oneself. However, from my experience, the more we accept ourselves, the more confident we become, the more motivated we are to change, and our state continues to improve.

It is therefore advisable to view self-acceptance as a skill that can be developed through daily practice.

The following five strategies for cultivating self-acceptance have been identified by clinical psychologists:

The first step is to establish the goal of self-acceptance within yourself.

"Self-acceptance begins with intention," states psychologist Geoffrey Sumber. "It is crucial to set a goal for ourselves to transform a world full of blame, doubt, and shame into a world of inclusion, acceptance, and trust." This concept recognizes that self-loathing is not a pathway to a fulfilling life.

Sambur stated, "If I set the objective that a life of self-acceptance is preferable to a life of self-hatred, I will initiate a chain reaction within myself to adapt to a more peaceful existence."

Secondly, it is beneficial to record your strengths.

It is recommended that you record one of your strengths on a daily basis, affirm your value, and visualize your strengths. This process will assist you in identifying your strengths. By leveraging your strengths, you will gain a sense of confidence that may not be achieved by attempting to correct your weaknesses.

In today's society, shortcomings can be compensated for through cooperation, and strengths will reflect unique value.

Third, it is advisable to seek support from relationships.

It is beneficial to spend time with people who make you feel comfortable, who accept you unconditionally, provide you with support and love, and establish a supportive relationship that will make you feel more stable, peaceful, and joyful.

Fourth, engage in self-reflection.

Imagine a scenario in which you interact with your optimal self. Envision that self stepping out of your body and observing your current circumstances. What advice would that self offer regarding your next steps?

This visual separation will allow you to move beyond your current self or the self that is experiencing suffering. It will also help you to use your inner wisdom—your best self—to promote healing.

This exercise teaches us how to become our own best mentors and show compassion and respect for ourselves. You can spend a few minutes meditating and doing this exercise when you are in a crisis or need some guidance or self-comfort.

This exercise teaches individuals to become their own best mentors and to demonstrate compassion and affection for themselves. It can be completed in a few minutes during meditation, and it is an effective way to provide guidance and self-comfort when needed.

Fifth, model the behavior you desire until you achieve it.

If you do not believe you are a valuable asset to the organization, then it is essential to first give yourself value and hold onto this belief. Only when we can unconditionally accept ourselves can we finally forgive our mistakes and give up the need for others' approval.

If you do not believe you are a valuable person, it is essential to first instill a sense of self-worth and reinforce this belief. Only when we can unconditionally accept ourselves can we finally forgive our mistakes and cease the need for external validation.

It is indisputable that we have made mistakes, as have others. However, our identity is not contingent on our mistakes.

When we lack something inside, we look for it outside. If we cannot accept ourselves, we will especially crave the acceptance of others. However, external factors are inherently unstable. Therefore, we can only gain stable acceptance by turning inward. When we have achieved self-acceptance, we will not care so much about the approval and evaluation of others, and we can gain true inner freedom.

When we lack something inside, we will look for it outside. If we cannot accept ourselves, we will especially crave the acceptance of others. Given the inherent instability of the external environment, it is only by turning inward that we can achieve stable acceptance. When we have achieved self-acceptance, we will not care so much about the approval and evaluation of others, and we can gain true inner freedom.

In conclusion, I would like to state that recognizing one's own ordinariness and accepting it is, in itself, an extraordinary achievement.

Let me be clear: you are not worthless. Everyone has value and strengths. The feelings of powerlessness, confusion, and pain you experience are common, and you are not alone.

You must accept your own ordinariness and mediocrity. This does not mean giving up on a better self. It means understanding that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Don't be too demanding on yourself. Make a list of your strengths and achievements. When you feel worthless, look at the list. It will remind you that you are not really worthless.

Set small goals that will motivate you to achieve them. These can be simple daily tasks, such as reading a book every day, learning a new skill, or exercising.

You will feel a sense of accomplishment when you achieve these small goals, which will boost your confidence and motivation.

I understand your fear and pain of socializing. Getting along with others is a complicated process, but it is also essential to your life.

Start with small social activities, such as having dinner with your family, joining interest groups, or volunteering. In these activities, you will learn to communicate and get along with others, and you will find like-minded friends.

If you feel you cannot cope with these emotions and problems on your own, seek professional psychological counseling. A counselor can help you understand yourself better, provide effective coping strategies, and help you get out of trouble.

You can do this. Change is a gradual process, and there is no need to rush. Give yourself time and patience, and believe that you can become a better person.

So, you're great at everything and always get top marks in exams. That's amazing! But what do you get after spending all your time improving your grades?

I'm sure you have lots of friends around you who love and care about you. Have you ever stopped to think about them?

I'm sure you'll agree that becoming a better person is one of the most important things in life. But is everything else in life worthless?

2. It's okay if you don't have all the answers! When you were young, someone asked you what your dream was when you grew up.

When you grow up, take a moment to think about what you wanted to be when you were a kid. It's okay if you don't want to be "ordinary." Your happiness is more important than anything else!

3. It's so important to remember that if you seek benevolence and gain cruelty, you'll regret it even if you get it. On the other hand, if you want to gain happiness, it's a great idea to think about what you did with your friends in the past that made you happiest. That way, you'll have happy memories to look back on when you grow up in the future!

If I only think about playing with this little friend and I will get a candy, and if I play with that poorer little friend, I will get nothing. It's so important to follow your heart and do things you enjoy, even if it means you might not get what you want.

Now, who would still lack money for candy? Those who stay behind are doing so for the memories they fight for, which are simply not worth it. I know it can be tough, but try not to block everyone out of your life just to get something. Even if you get it, you may regret it in the end.

But I really hope you can get the extraordinary, extraordinary life you want!

④ Comparison is all about winning or losing. It's natural to compare who is doing better, who is less constrained, who is more capable. If you feel like you are losing, it's only because you want to be with other people and not be outdone.

If you ignore everything else and just want an extraordinary life, you'll miss out on so many good things! Spending time with highly intelligent primates doesn't have to be hard.

If you're hospitalized, there are nurses; if you're sick, there are doctors; if you're hungry, you can buy your own fruit and vegetables and cook for yourself. You might not see the slightest merit in the people around you, but they're there for you if you need them. Even if you become a billionaire in five years, you'll probably still feel confused sometimes.

I just can't stand the idea of a worthless self that fails. I always see all kinds of inspirational quotes saying to accept your own ordinariness and mediocrity, but I just can't accept it. Although others say that my conditions are already good, I just lack courage. But I still feel that I am worthless, unmotivated, and directionless.

I often feel like I've made some wrong choices along the way, so I try to be really careful about the new choices I make. I never want to take a step forward because I often give up after trying something for a while, thinking that I've made the wrong choice again. Socializing isn't really my thing, and I even feel a bit scared when I'm with my family. I know that other people won't judge me all the time, but I still worry that I'm the subject of others' judgment, and that other people will only bring me pain. Do I have to get along with people? Getting along with people is really difficult for me, but I'm trying!

Hello! Thanks for your question. I'm ZQ, a heart exploration coach from the Yiyi Psychology platform. From your description, I can see that you're ready to embrace your own failures. These failures are your own conclusions, and you're ready to learn from them. Similarly, you're also excited to accept some of your daily social activities.

Social activities can sometimes make you feel bad and painful. But on the other hand, they can also be a source of pain for you.

Social interactions, external evaluations, and self-evaluations can sometimes make you feel uncomfortable, but there's no need to worry! When you don't accept yourself as worthless, it may be time to make a change.

What kind of self is the unfailing self? We can often see people in our circle of friends going on trips, driving luxury cars, living in mansions, and eating the food prepared by five-star chefs every day. They lead a very refined life that makes people envious, while in contrast, we may not be doing as well. But that just means there's room for improvement!

Or in some ways, when something you've done is brought up by others, you feel even more motivated to prove them wrong. Slowly you will be led by others, and you will feel that any achievements you have made in the past are insignificant. This will make you feel that you really have nothing, and there is always a sense of an empty cup.

It makes you want to get more and more! But remember, when we chase after something from the outside, we often have to trade something of ourselves. What you get in return takes time, energy, and your youth.

If those things are important to you,

Then you can write down in a diary what you need to pursue, and see what steps you should take and what price you should pay to get them. When you get them, you'll feel like a total rockstar! For example, when you get into graduate school, when you get a civil servant job.

When you pass a certain certificate, do you feel successful at that time? Absolutely! But even if you don't, that's okay. We all have room to grow. This is something you need to take seriously, and this is part of the need for psychological counseling.

If you can't accept your ordinariness, it's time to embrace your extraordinary potential! Take a moment to reflect on what makes you unique and write down your personal standards. Then, take a look at your journey to becoming an extraordinary and uncommon person. With this approach, you'll be well on your way to achieving your goals!

When you become so extraordinary and extraordinary, you'll be able to ignore comments from others because you'll know you're already an amazing person! You'll be free from worrying about having nothing.

So, how to achieve the extraordinary and dissolve one's inner perfectionism may be something you really need to pay attention to. You can think about what a standard is in your heart, and how you achieve it. It's best to be specific about the standard, so that it can be achieved, rather than remaining unachievable. Good luck!

ZQ?

It can be challenging to confront an image of oneself that may feel like a failure or worthless. It's important to recognize that these feelings may stem from a discrepancy in self-perception or external pressures, rather than reflecting the true self. Here are some suggestions to help navigate these emotions:

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider changing your self-perception. We all have strengths and weaknesses, and failure is just part of life.

It might be helpful to make a list of your strengths and achievements to remind yourself that you are not worthless. At the same time, it could be beneficial to learn to accept your imperfections, because they are what drive us to grow.

It may be helpful to seek support from friends and family, who may be able to offer encouragement and support to help you get through the rough patch.

If the situation is serious, you may wish to consider seeking professional psychological counseling. A professional psychologist can help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and identify strategies for problem-solving.

Third, it would be beneficial to set realistic goals. While it is important to be kind to yourself, it is also important to set goals that are achievable given your current situation.

As you work towards your goals, you will feel a growing sense of accomplishment and self-confidence. This will help you to realise that you have the ability to achieve your own value.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to cultivate a positive attitude towards life. It can be helpful to pay attention to the good things in life and to learn to be grateful for them.

It may also be helpful to maintain healthy living habits such as regular rest and work, a balanced diet, and moderate exercise. These can contribute to improving your mood and helping you to face yourself better.

It's important to remember that everyone experiences challenges in life. The key is to find ways to overcome these challenges and discover your true self-worth. Believe in yourself, face your difficulties bravely, and you will be able to find your way through them.

Thank you for the inquiry.

You feel dissatisfied with yourself, self-critical, and believe you are a failure and worthless. You understand at the conscious level that everyone has to accept their own mediocrity and ordinariness, and are willing to believe in other people's evaluations that you are already in a good position. However, you are not satisfied. You believe that you could have done better originally and reflect on your past choices, thinking they were wrong. As a result, you feel remorseful, unable to accept the current self, and afraid to move on.

Let us examine the situation and determine the best course of action.

Please clarify the situation.

1⃣️Is it the case that if one's appearance does not meet certain standards, then one is deemed "inferior"? In such a scenario, there is no middle ground; one either receives 100 points or 0, and even 80 points is inconsequential. This is an example of "all or nothing thinking."

2. Have I made a multitude of poor decisions? If I were to alter my past decisions, would the outcome be more favorable?

The butterfly effect demonstrates that unanticipated factors can influence the trajectory of any given situation. Even with hindsight and existing knowledge, it is challenging to make accurate predictions about the future. Given the unique nature of each individual's life journey, it is important to embrace the inherent unpredictability and seize the opportunities that arise.

3⃣️Complacency and an inability to meet the challenges of life indicate a reluctance to accept responsibility for one's own choices. Evaluating the past with the label "wrong choice" allows one to shift the blame to "the old self." Although this temporarily relieves psychological pain, it also robs one of the courage to take responsibility for oneself.

4⃣️Do I have to get along with people? From where does the directive originate that I must get along with people?

Given that social interaction can be a source of discomfort, is it an acceptable strategy to temporarily refrain from such interactions? For individuals with introverted personalities, socializing can be a significant drain on energy. In such cases, reducing social interaction may be the optimal choice, particularly if one's self-energy is already limited.

If your social phobia is not attributable to an introverted personality, it may be due to an inner critic. You are constantly evaluating yourself, which leads you to believe that you are merely an object of evaluation for others.

What are the options for addressing this issue?

It is crucial to recognize that our relationship with ourselves serves as the foundation for our interactions with others. Prior to accepting ourselves, it is essential to alter our self-perception.

Our self-perception is often shaped by our early childhood experiences. To address this, we recommend exploring resources such as books, self-discovery tools, or professional psychological support.

I hope this information is helpful to you.

I am your neighbor, Potato Man, who has grown up with you. Thank you for your attention.

Hello! It's clear that you're going through a lot right now. You're avoiding things because you're feeling dissatisfied with yourself and worried that you're doing a bad job. But you're not alone!

This is a natural, instinctive reaction to pain. It's a way of avoiding external stimuli in order to defend against the pain. But you've initiated this question, which shows you're aware that this approach won't help you reduce or avoid pain.

Many of us have an "ideal self" in our hearts, which has a positive effect to a certain extent, because we want to become perfect, and we are motivated to get closer to that ideal self. However, if we focus too much on that perfect result or a fixed goal, we will feel frustrated and anxious due to the gap, and thus ignore the meaning of growth, which may hinder our continuous development. But there's a way to overcome this challenge!

From a psychological perspective, the thinking mode of "either perfect or meaningless/worthless" is often related to the growth experience. For example, in the past, we were often required or evaluated in an absolute way in the environment. But there's no need to fret! Over time, we can simply choose to internalize a new way of thinking and break out of the negative cycle: perfect requirements - excessive pressure - frustration - self-blame - powerlessness and procrastination - more frustration and anxiety. To break out of this whirlpool, you can try to adjust your absolute thinking mode.

Embrace your imperfections! It doesn't mean giving up or settling. It means recognizing room for improvement and the endless possibilities for growth. It's about unleashing your potential and continuously evolving. It does require time and patience, but you can take conscious steps to transform limiting beliefs into empowering ones. For instance, replace "I must...or else..." with an alternative expectation. Develop a habit of self-dialogue: "I expect to achieve...and will make plans and work hard towards it. For now, I will focus my energy on...Regardless of the outcome, I have gained progress and growth."

When you're in a state of self-doubt, it can be tough to get out of it all at once. But you don't have to force a big breakthrough right away. Instead, try exploring different ways of thinking. Look at the difficulties you've overcome in the past. Think about the achievements you've made, no matter how big or small. Think about how you did in those situations. You'll find a sense of strength from a different perspective.

On the bright side, you can take control of your mental resources by recognizing the impact of self-criticism and denial. This will help you stay focused on the challenges at hand and avoid feeling like giving up. So, keep up the great work! If you're looking for a supportive and neutral space to explore your emotions further, professional psychological workers (listening or consulting services) are there for you.

I'm excited to share a book by Chen Hai-xian called "The Terrific Me" that offers incredible inspiration from a psychological perspective on self-development.

Good morning, my name is Super Sister from Yixinli.

If you had the option to become invisible, how would you approach your daily life?

Many of our concerns arise from the discrepancy between our ideals and reality. I once aspired for my family to be happy together and to be a capable woman who could work and raise a child simultaneously. Unfortunately, I was unable to achieve this. I faced challenges in managing my work, my child has rhinitis and is also unmotivated at school, and the elderly in my family are also showing signs of illness. I want to do my best in everything, but I realize that I cannot do everything well.

Including the adjuvant therapy after my father's surgery, I was uncertain about the best course of action, so I gathered as much information as I could to make an informed decision. I believe that the ultimate indicator of the right choice is a positive outcome. Otherwise, any decision I make now may not be the best, and it could potentially lead to challenges down the road.

Life can be challenging, particularly when we carry various identities and responsibilities and feel the natural fear of being judged.

It is important to remember, however, that this does not mean that we cannot live a happy life. With the right mindset and a willingness to make positive changes, we can all find ways to enhance our own happiness.

For instance, I find that meditation and reading alone are beneficial for me. These activities provide the motivation and resilience to interact with others and the strength to handle unexpected challenges.

I have come to realize that I am not alone in facing the challenges of life. Many individuals are striving to find their identity and courageously confront the difficulties that come their way. I have read works such as "Life's Jumps," "The Courage to Be Disliked," and "The Biography of Zeng Guofan," which have offered insights into this phenomenon.

Meditation can help me to calm my mind. When I calm down, I can see that my fear of judgment, illness and death is like a shadow, engraved in my bones. In the past, I always wanted to get rid of them because I wanted to become braver and more open-minded, but now I accept that I am just afraid of other people's comments and I am also afraid that my family members will get sick. So what? Living with fear is actually not that bad.

I have discovered a balance between positivity and anxiety that is uniquely mine. When I am tired, I retreat to my comfort zone, try to cheer myself up, get ready, put on my armor, and meet the "difficulties" I have defined.

We must acknowledge that we cannot avoid making choices, even if they are slow, even if we don't act on them, even if we give up. These are all choices in themselves. In that case, it might be helpful to try to see our fears and do what we can in the moment.

Even if the result is not as favorable as we had hoped, it is still a valuable reflection of our abilities.

I often remind myself that difficulties can be overcome one at a time. While this may seem simplistic, it has helped me to remain calm in challenging situations. You might also find it helpful to choose a personal motto that gives you strength.

I hope you can find a happy and comfortable balance in your life.

Hello, I'm Peilu.

First, let me give you a hug.

Low self-esteem and depression

Social difficulties

How to read the data

Questioner's own statement: Even though I think I'm pretty good in other people's eyes, I still can't accept the failure of being worthless. I'm afraid of failure, so I don't take the plunge. I'm cautious and always stop short of finishing things, and I regret the decisions I've made. I feel your helplessness and confusion at this moment. You doubt yourself, constantly negate yourself, criticize yourself, think you're terrible, and feel worthless. It seems like you've lost the courage and motivation to move forward.

The questioner avoids socializing, has difficulty getting along with family members, and even finds it repulsive. Not wanting to be judged by others, getting along with people makes you feel very painful and unbearable.

I get it. You're hurting and you need to be understood and accepted. It's okay if you don't want to get along with others right now. You don't have to push yourself. You just need a little time to relax and heal.

Let's look at the root causes.

Negative experiences

"I can't accept the worthless self that fails," "I have no motivation and no direction." You didn't go into detail about your experiences, but it's clear you've had a lot of failures. These experiences have made you feel like you're worthless and incompetent.

This negative mindset is the biggest obstacle to your growth. It makes you afraid to challenge yourself, creating a vicious cycle.

Self-awareness

"Even though others say I have good conditions and only lack courage, I still feel worthless, unmotivated, and directionless." "I always feel like I've made many wrong choices."

How others see you

"I hate socializing, and even spending time with my family is terrifying. But I'm afraid that if I don't fit in with others, it'll only lead to pain." You know that other people aren't constantly judging you, but you still can't control these thoughts. You're overly concerned about social evaluation in interpersonal interactions, and you worry that you won't be accepted and loved. This has placed a huge burden on your mind. You find it difficult to bear the pressure and pain, and you're unable to face and resolve this complex situation. So you hope to protect yourself by avoiding social interactions.

Here's some personal advice:

Embrace failure.

The journey of life is full of unknowns, and nobody can guarantee that life will be smooth and happy all the time. There will always be moments of setbacks and failures. Similarly, nobody can be in a state of failure forever, and there will always be moments of happiness and joy after the rain.

It's important to realize that making mistakes and failing aren't terrible. We should use dialectical thinking to look at problems. We all want success, and the current results might not be what we expected. But growth comes from failure. We can look at failure in a positive way. As they say, "Learning from one's mistakes helps one grow wiser." When we face failure head-on and sum up past experiences, we can gain experience and avoid risks.

Re-examine your perception.

Nobody's perfect. Maybe you're setting the bar too high for yourself and there's a gap between who you are and who you want to be. You're full of negative self-judgment, but we know from other people's comments that you're actually a very nice person. This contradiction with your self-assessment shows that you're not being objective enough in your self-evaluation.

It's important to reshape your perception based on a thorough understanding of yourself, including your strengths and weaknesses. One way to do this is by asking family and friends to name your strengths.

Keep affirming yourself, emphasizing your strengths, and avoiding your weaknesses. Remember, change takes time, and confidence takes time to build. So, don't be anxious. We can take as much time as we need.

It might be a good idea to seek help.

You say that socializing makes you feel pretty uncomfortable, and you also feel afraid when you're with your family. This shows that your relationships with other people have been affected. It's a good idea to seek professional psychological help or counseling to get a scientific diagnosis and reasonable intervention.

?

I love you, the world, and everything in it.

Hello, my name is Zeyu.

"How can I move forward if I feel like I've failed and am worthless?" It can be challenging to face these feelings, but it's important to try to find ways to transform and correct ourselves.

Given that the questioner expressed a strong aversion to the idea of being seen as a failure and a worthless person, I am curious about the underlying reasons for this perception. Could you please elaborate on what specifically leads you to feel this way? My aim in asking this is to help us identify the root causes of the problem and gain a deeper understanding of the specific factors that contribute to this perception. This will allow us to recognize where we can make improvements and work towards addressing them.

It's natural to have moments when we feel down on ourselves and experience setbacks. It's also common to feel like we're not good enough. When we're in this mindset, it's easy to overlook the positive feedback from others. What can help is taking a step back and recognizing our strengths.

Nobody is perfect, and nobody can guarantee that they will never make mistakes. If we dwell on past mistakes and worry about repeating them, it's not productive. What we can do is try different things and learn from our mistakes. Perhaps the questioner feels that other people are evaluating them, but the reality is that only they can truly know themselves. If the questioner is struggling and needs help, I suggest they consider talking to a counselor or asking for guidance from someone they trust.

If we find it challenging to accept ourselves as we are, it might be helpful to set specific goals and make specific plans to become the person we want to be.

Dear Questioner, My name is Duo Duo Lian, and I hope my reply will be of assistance to you.

Given your assertion that you are worthless, unmotivated, and directionless, I am curious to understand what experiences have led you to feel so powerless and helpless. Your self-evaluation is shaped by a perception of having made numerous misguided decisions, a sense of defeat that has consistently accompanied you.

Past experiences have consistently shaped your outlook. Even Edison, a renowned innovator, encountered numerous setbacks. Had he not demonstrated resilience, he might have perceived himself as the most inadequate individual. Do you concur? By embracing failure as a natural part of the process, you can foster a more positive mindset.

Life is about experiencing. Without experiencing, it is impossible to know what it is like. There is no such thing as success without effort. Many people have endured hardships behind the scenes. Those athletes may appear glamorous on stage, but they have been training for years to get there.

Life is a series of ongoing decisions, each of which requires accountability. As long as the decision is the most optimal at the time, there is no issue. Individuals are responsible for their own perceptions and emotions. Are you truly ineffective? Are you emotionally stable?

It is important to distinguish between facts and feelings. People are susceptible to influence from others. They may internalize comments from others and live their lives worrying about what others think of them. It is, however, important to recognize that not many people care about you, and they are often too busy to care.

I am unaware of the specific choices you have made that have had such a profound impact on you. The experiences you have had have also provided valuable insights. In the present circumstances, you have become more cautious, but you can also be bold and careful. You can also open your heart and seek counsel from others before making a choice. It is beneficial to have a well-thought-out plan in place.

If you believe you have made an incorrect decision, you are denying yourself, accepting responsibility for your choice, and even punishing yourself. Do you believe you can live with the consequences of your decision? You are human, not a god. Isolating yourself from the outside world and separating yourself from others is a way to protect yourself. Do you want to escape? Is that comfortable for you?

It is precisely through these experiences that you gain valuable insights and knowledge. Many individuals have not traversed the same path, and the lessons you have learned will enhance your future stability. In fact, the outcome is inconsequential; there is no absolute right or wrong. Evaluating the advantages and disadvantages will enrich your life.

You are entitled to a fulfilling life.

It's totally normal to feel confused about your self-worth and direction from time to time. We all do! The good news is that you're not alone. Many people experience this too. And the even better news is that you have value and uniqueness. You are special! And everyone experiences failure and uncertainty. It's all part of the journey.

You can absolutely overcome these feelings with the right approach and time!

1. The journey of self-acceptance: You can absolutely accept your own ordinariness and inadequacies! It just takes time and self-exploration.

You can try keeping a diary to record your achievements and feelings. And don't forget to celebrate the little things! You'll be amazed at how quickly you'll discover your own value and strengths.

2. Take small steps! It's normal to feel fear and hesitation when faced with a choice. But you can conquer your fears by taking small, daily steps. Try doing something new every day, no matter how small. You'll be amazed at how quickly you'll build confidence and expand your comfort zone!

This will help you build confidence and gradually expand your comfort zone!

3. **Social anxiety**: Interacting with people can indeed be challenging for some. But there's no need to worry! You can start small, such as by communicating with one or a few people, and gradually expand to larger social situations.

Also, you should definitely consider seeking professional psychological counseling to learn more strategies for coping with social anxiety!

4. Confronting mistakes and fears: Everyone makes mistakes. And that's totally okay! Mistakes are part of growing up, and there is no need to feel worthless because of them.

When you realize you've made a mistake, stop, take a deep breath, and think about what you can learn from it. Then, get back up, dust yourself off, and move on to bigger and better things!

5. **Seek support**: Talk to family, friends, or professionals about your feelings. They can offer a different perspective and support. Remember, you are not alone, and there are people who care about you and want to help!

6. **Self-soothing**: Find a relaxing activity that suits you, such as meditation, yoga, reading, or anything that makes you feel calm and happy.

7. **Professional help**: If these feelings are seriously affecting your daily life, it is a great idea to seek help from a mental health professional. They can provide expert guidance and support!

Remember, everyone has their own pace and path, and there is no set model to follow. Be patient with yourself, keep exploring and experimenting, and you will find the path that suits you—and it'll be amazing!

Hello, question owner. I can see you're feeling confused and helpless. It's totally understandable to feel like you can't face failure and a worthless self. We all have our own struggles, and it's natural to feel like you don't want to accept your ordinariness and mediocrity. But, you're trying so hard! It's admirable that you're cautious and give up at the slightest attempt.

It's totally understandable that it's tough. Your perception doesn't match up with your subconscious mind, and there's a gap. It's really painful when that happens. Give the questioner a hug!

At the same time, you care about what others think, and this also causes you pain. This in turn leads to your unwillingness to engage with others, which also causes you pain. In this case, the questioner can try to engage with themselves.

It's tough being an ordinary person, isn't it? As we get older, we realise that life isn't always easy. We see the harsh side of society, we know our own limitations, and it's hard to stay safe and healthy every day.

So, you can do things that make you relax, things that give you a sense of achievement, and things that make you happy!

Of course, when emotions are extremely unstable, there are lots of ways we can help ourselves feel better. We can read books to calm our minds, come to the Q&A Library, make a listening phone call, or even make an appointment to chat with a counselor if we can afford it. They are all very professional people who are there to help.

And finally, at Yixinli, the world and I love you ???, come on!

Hello, I'm Tao Zhu Gong, your mental health coach.

It seems like you have high expectations of yourself, but you feel like you can't meet them. This can make you feel pretty frustrated and helpless. Here's a virtual hug to the original poster.

We're all just ordinary people.

Everyone has their own set of flaws, and that's totally normal. Accepting your own imperfections doesn't mean giving up on becoming a better version of yourself. It's about recognizing your strengths and celebrating your progress. Nobody can guarantee that every decision will be perfect. What matters is putting in the effort to make it happen after making a choice. If you're constantly afraid of making the wrong choice and playing it safe, you might miss out on a lot of opportunities. Embracing your own imperfections first will help you become extraordinary.

Second, social relationships don't happen overnight. They're built over time.

Socializing is different for everyone. If you find it tough to get along with people, you can start with some small social activities and gradually get used to it. You can also try to find people who share your interests, which will make it easier to connect. At the same time, you should also pay attention to taking care of your emotions and needs. If getting along with people makes you feel very uncomfortable, you can take some time for yourself to relax and recover.

3. Learn to ask for help and let go of your emotions.

If you're still struggling with emotional issues, I suggest you consider speaking with a counselor or therapist. They can help you better understand and manage your emotions. Remember, you're not alone. Many people have experienced similar feelings, and it is possible to slowly get out of it. I hope the questioner can get out of the current situation soon and be a better version of themselves.

Dear question asker, My name is Evan, and I am a counselor who specializes in the genre of flow.

From the description provided, it is evident that the questioner is experiencing negative emotions, specifically pain and disappointment. It is important to recognize that everyone possesses unique strengths and weaknesses. Frequently, individuals may feel a sense of frustration when they are not proficient in or do not possess an interest in a particular skill or activity. This is a common occurrence and not a reflection of personal inadequacy.

It is not uncommon for an individual's sense of self-worth and identity to be influenced by external factors, including social expectations, family background, educational experience, and so forth. However, it is of paramount importance to learn to listen to one's inner voice and identify a path that aligns with one's true aspirations.

From the description provided, it is evident that the questioner is experiencing a sense of self-doubt. It would be beneficial to understand the origin of these feelings and identify whether the questioner is aware of them.

Embracing your ordinary status does not imply relinquishing the pursuit of personal growth. It entails recognizing that each individual possesses intrinsic value and inherent limitations. Instead of dwelling on self-criticism, shift your focus towards self-acceptance and development.

Embracing your own ordinariness does not entail relinquishing the pursuit of dreams or lowering self-expectations. It entails the hope that you can view your growth and progress with a more peaceful mind. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and no one is perfect.

It is important to recognize your strengths while also acknowledging your weaknesses. This allows you to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and identify a path that aligns with your true capabilities.

If you are hesitant about making decisions or concerned about potential missteps, consider breaking down large objectives into smaller, more manageable steps. Focusing on a single, achievable goal at a time can help reduce stress and foster motivation with each accomplishment.

In regard to the lack of motivation and direction mentioned by the questioner, it is recommended that they explore new activities and hobbies, which will assist in identifying their interests and potential. Concurrently, they may also benefit from relaxation techniques such as exercise, meditation, and listening to music, which can help them relax and reduce anxiety and stress.

Mindfulness meditation can assist in living in the present moment and reducing overthinking about past mistakes or future concerns. Through mindfulness practice, individuals can also learn to be more tolerant of themselves and reduce self-criticism.

In regard to social matters, I empathize with the questioner's distress and pain. While it is true that getting along with others requires a certain amount of skill and courage, it is not necessary for the questioner to force themselves to adapt to an environment they do not like.

Individuals exhibit varying socialization patterns, which can be adapted to suit personal circumstances. While socialization may not be a preferred activity, a support network is crucial for managing depression and other mental health concerns.

This network can be family, friends, or support groups. The individual should endeavor to identify like-minded individuals with whom to establish genuine connections and relationships.

Additionally, you can develop social skills and learn effective communication techniques, including how to interact with others and express your thoughts and emotions.

It may be helpful to explore your interests and passions, as this can assist in identifying direction and motivation. Participation in new activities or acquisition of new skills can facilitate the acquisition of new perspectives and a sense of accomplishment.

You are not alone in your problems. Many people have similar confusions and challenges, but through hard work and perseverance, we can all find our own direction and value. If the questioner feels unable to deal with these problems alone, they may wish to consider seeking professional psychological counseling, where they can receive more specific and personalized advice and support.

A psychotherapist can assist you in understanding your emotions, offering coping strategies, and developing a more positive self-image and effective coping mechanisms.

Please be aware that change takes time. It is important to be patient with yourself and to recognise that every small step is a step in the right direction.

Asking for help is an important first step in taking control of a challenging situation and moving towards a positive outcome. It is encouraging to see the questioner taking the initiative to seek guidance and support on this platform.

It is my hope that this response will prove useful to the questioner.

We also recommend the following related books:

The Power of Now: This book emphasizes the importance of focusing on the present moment, which can help the reader better handle negative emotions and learn to accept their own imperfections. By understanding and practicing the concepts in the book, the reader may find that they can face their past and future more peacefully, thereby alleviating their inner pain and anxiety.

Inferiority and Transcendence: This book examines the underlying causes of inferiority and offers strategies for overcoming it. By reading this book, the questioner can gain a deeper understanding of how their feelings of inferiority were formed and how to overcome them through positive actions and attitudes.

"Rebuilding Your Life" is a book that emphasizes the importance of changing one's way of thinking and beliefs to rebuild one's life. For the questioner, reading this book may help you reshape your self-perception and learn to view yourself and others more positively.