What if you can't let yourself go in front of other people? You don't speak loudly either.

Dear Question Asker,

It is challenging to provide comprehensive guidance on the topic of letting go in front of others in a concise 50-word description. Nevertheless, I hope to have an opportunity to discuss this further with you in my answer and to support you in exploring additional strategies when you encounter this challenge.

[I commend you for your courage in facing yourself.]

As you mentioned, you are not at ease in front of others, so you must have taken a great deal of courage to come to the Yi Xinli platform to ask a question. It was not easy for you to write these words that reveal your innermost feelings, even if they are not numerous.

Today, you have taken a significant step towards self-acceptance and self-improvement. Each individual's past experiences have shaped their current character traits, resulting in a diverse range of personality types, including extroverted and introverted individuals, each with their own strengths.

It is important to understand one's own personality traits and to adapt to society in a way that allows one to utilize one's strengths. This is something that we all do throughout our lives. There is no need to rush; take your time.

[Start building self-confidence from the little things around you]

Your statements indicate a lack of confidence in your abilities and a tendency to conform to the opinions of others. This may be due to a fear of being criticized or mocked for expressing your views and ideas.

It is possible that you also wish to be popular, in which case you should endeavour to align your communication with that of others, even if it means modifying your own views. In the meantime, you should focus on building your confidence by identifying and recording three positive aspects of your daily performance, even if they are minor.

If you persevere over time, you will find that your abilities are indeed sufficient and that you can face others with greater confidence.

[Introversion is just a label, not the whole story]

[Introversion is just a label, not the whole story]

It is not uncommon for individuals to apply a single label to a multitude of concepts. However, it is crucial to recognize that people are among the most complex entities in the world, and a simple label cannot fully encapsulate their nuances. In your article, you identified yourself as introverted. While this is a valuable insight, it is not a comprehensive representation of your identity.

Furthermore, it should be noted that introversion is merely a personality trait. No individual can be classified as 100% introverted or 100% extroverted. We are all a combination of introversion and extroversion. Regardless of whether an individual is introverted or extroverted, with the right learning and practice, we can all have harmonious interactions in society and achieve our goals.

I would like to suggest reading a book called "The Advantages of Introverts," which I believe will be beneficial.

Ultimately, I hope the questioner can overcome this challenge and resume a more carefree lifestyle.

I hope the original poster can move past this confusion and resume a more carefree lifestyle.

I could read minds and sharing was a habit for me. I was a loner, and I loved it!

Reading your statement brought back memories of myself from over a decade ago, and I'm excited to share them with you!

Today, I'm thrilled to share my personal experience with you in the hope that it will help you in some way.

I'm excited to tell you that I've been in this situation for 20 years!

At that time, I had just graduated!

For a fresh graduate with little background or connections,

It was still not easy to find a satisfactory job on my own, but I was determined to make it happen!

It was still not easy, but I was up for the challenge!

At that time, I had a problem:

I would blush when meeting new people, and when people spoke, I would have nothing to say in return.

At that time, I even kind of hated myself.

When I see others speaking and behaving with ease and courtesy, it makes me so happy!

I would absolutely love to dig a hole and crawl into it!

I keep sending out my resume again and again, just like throwing a paper ball into the sea!

Dampen, soak, tear, and sink!

This is the end of a paper ball entering the water, just like my job search!

I think I've become numb after experiencing so many failures because...

I have a carefree attitude inside, and it's a great feeling!

It's just a failure, and I'm ready to try again!

Oh boy, will it end up even worse than it is now?

I still went out and found a job on my own, sent in my resume, and I'm so excited to see what the future holds!

I still blush when I meet strangers, but it's a good kind of blush! And I still run out of things to say, but that's okay because I'm learning to be comfortable with silence.

But I forced myself to do whatever I was afraid of, no matter what. And you know what? I let myself speak!

And then, slowly but surely, I found myself saying hello to strangers again!

I was not as embarrassed as before, and I didn't know if I was blushing or not. I didn't look in the mirror, but I was so excited about the progress I'd made!

But I know I have taken a big step in life!

I did it! I finally overcame my bad habit of not being good at communicating and not speaking.

My own experience tells me:

You do what you are afraid of!

This is one of the most effective ways to change the status quo—and it's an amazing way to make a difference!

I'm approaching the age of 40, and I couldn't be more excited!

Today, I'm thrilled to talk about myself after more than twenty years!

I can still confidently tell you:

I'm thrilled to say that this method still works today!

And then there's the fun of caring about what other people think!

In the past, it didn't matter if it was other people's opinions!

Just one look from someone else

It could make me think about it for days!

Did I do something wrong?

Did I say something hilarious?

And guess what? Problems like this will be accompanied by other people's words!

It keeps coming back to me, and it's like a catchy tune that just won't get out of my head!

When I couldn't hold it in any longer, I finally let it all out!

I will always find a place where there are no people, and

Let it all out! Shout a few times to release the pressure in your heart.

Caring about what other people think is like a stone. It's a heavy burden to bear, but it's also a great opportunity to learn and grow!

It will suffocate you, and the more you care, the worse it will get. But you can beat it!

I'm on a mission to find the best solution to this problem of caring about other people!

My personal experience has taught me so much!

I think, "No way!"

Will you always care about other people? That would be too hard!

What is the reason for caring about others?

It's simply a matter of building up your confidence and self-assurance!

Just look at people who are full of confidence, who are sure of themselves, and who have a strong sense of their own opinions!

How many people care about other people's feelings?

As your own experience increases and your experience accumulates,

And you'll be thrilled to discover that you don't care as much about other people's opinions!

So I said, there is no immediate and effective solution to this—but there are plenty of other ways to approach it!

As you grow older, you'll gain so much! You'll gain experience, knowledge, and wisdom.

I truly believe that you will gradually care less about other people, and I think that's a great thing!

And now for the final word!

At a certain time, something amazing is going to happen!

And there will be some different manifestations!

The great thing is, there's no absolute good or bad in these performances!

From the perspective of a whole life,

Every period of time and every step you take is an opportunity for something new and exciting!

And this is perhaps the most colorful side of life!

This is the colorful side of life, and it's absolutely amazing!

Hello question asker!

I can see you're struggling. I'm here to help.

You don't show yourself much. You don't give much information. I don't know how old you are, but I guess you're at least 18. When you were an adult living with your father, you felt suffocated. You didn't want to do anything with your father around. That was really difficult. A father is a pillar of support, but your father has become a stone in your heart. It's really unbearable. Hug you again!

You probably won't be able to get away from your father anytime soon. How should we deal with this? Let me share my views.

First, accept your current situation. You have to live with your father. You can't leave because of money. Think of it this way: you're under the same roof, so you have to lower your head. He's still your father. Never mind him. He's raised you this big. You say having him around makes you feel like a stone in your heart. You won't face him all the time right now because you both have to do your own things. How about this: try to reduce the chances of seeing each other to make yourself happier.

Second, I know it's harsh to ask you to accept your current state, but I don't know your situation. You should be able to do this. There's another reason for you to accept this state: you're afraid to express yourself when you come here. However, you said that being with your father made you feel suffocated. Do you consider your father an outsider? You attribute your current state to your father. I've seen this, so I'm willing to ask you to try to accept your current state.

You've shown you know yourself by asking a question. This is the first step on your journey. There are many functions on this platform. You can ask questions, read, listen to non-violent communication, post your mood, and participate in group activities. You can also make friends. This will expand your horizons and increase your interpersonal skills!

Your voice doesn't have to be loud to be heard. It's okay if your voice is small as long as you can express yourself clearly. When someone asks a question, don't worry if your mind goes blank. You can just type it. You say your mind goes blank, but I can answer for you.

You can also buy a book on deliberate practice.

If you stick to the psychological platform, you will change day by day. You can see that you have problems, and many people have the same confusion as you. It's nice to grow up with them.

Let's walk together! The world and I love you!

Everyone can help others by sharing their thoughts.

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun. I understand how you feel. What others think can affect you, making you feel nervous, insecure, and inferior.

I also had this experience as a student. My inferiority complex made me study harder. My good grades got me praised by teachers, and my self-confidence improved.

This takes time. Let's look at the questions that trouble you.

Everyone has felt bad about themselves at some point. It can make us try harder.

In his book, Adler wrote that everyone experiences inferiority. He was once very inferior, and even after he became famous, he still felt inferior.

Instead, we can use our inferiority as a resource and a driving force to move forward. I felt inferior as a child because of my appearance, clothing, family, and parents' jobs.

Like you, I care about what others think. I'm afraid they'll say I'm ugly, provincial, or poor. We long for the affirmation, recognition, and acceptance of others.

It's normal to worry about what others think. But if you care too much, you'll lose yourself.

This shows that you don't think highly of yourself. How you see yourself is just for you, not for other people.

When we are confident in our own value, we don't care what others say. Everyone has a different outlook on life and different standards.

Low self-esteem is often caused by how our parents treated us when we were young. Children who were criticized, blamed, and rejected by their parents are likely to be sensitive, suspicious, and inferior even as adults.

To change, give yourself positive feedback, affirm, praise, and approve of yourself. Accept and approve of yourself to gain others' approval.

Click on my profile picture to view my post on building self-confidence.

2. How to build self-confidence.

You say you are introverted and easily get blank. You focus on self-doubt and self-negation, which consumes a lot of your energy. Where is the mood to consider what other people are asking and saying?

A master-level figure was asked if he was nervous before giving a speech. He said he wasn't.

"Assistant: "Why did you come out of the ladies' room?"

Everyone gets nervous and can't focus. I'd like to share another way to boost self-confidence.

Idea – trial – experience – ability – confidence – self-esteem – self-love.

For example, I want to speak boldly in public. The first time I meet people, I stutter; the second time I speak more. I become more proficient with each try. When encountering different people and things, I adopt different methods of communication. Others appreciate and recognize it. It seems that confidence gained through specific things is actually confidence in oneself. Self-esteem is the foundation of self-confidence, becoming more self-loving.

You can improve your self-confidence through learning and training.

I hope this helps. I love you. ?

To continue the conversation, click "Find a coach" in the top right or bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello, host. I hope my answer helps.

From your description, I realize we are the same. I used to be unable to speak up, speaking in a low voice. I also cared about what others thought and was afraid to express myself. I often felt inferior and blamed myself because others said I was too introverted. This feeling is hard to bear. It is always hard to calm your mind and feel at ease.

But don't worry. As long as we accept ourselves, we can improve our understanding and inner strength. You will care less about what others think and be more confident.

First, understand and accept your personality.

Don't deny yourself because whether you are introverted or extroverted is innate. There is no good or bad in being introverted or extroverted. Extroverts have advantages, and introverts have advantages.

This society favors extroverts, but there is no good or bad in personality. Find your strengths and use them.

Be yourself. Only when your words and actions are consistent can your body and mind be in harmony. Extroverts recharge through socializing, while introverts deplete their energy when socializing. We need to recharge by being alone. Therefore, replenish what you have depleted to achieve balance.

Second, when socializing, it is recommended to choose who you socialize with, seek supportive relationships, and avoid the "spotlight effect."

● Socialize selectively.

Everyone needs socializing. It gives us a sense of belonging and security. But we need to be selective. Don't socialize with people who constantly negate and undermine you. Socialize with people who encourage and support you.

If you're stressed about socializing, do it less often until you're ready. Don't force it. Take care of yourself.

Avoid the spotlight effect.

The "spotlight effect" is when you think other people notice your problems more than they do. For example, you go to a party confidently, dressed neatly and looking refreshed, except that the breeze has messed up your hair.

You're about to open the door, but a mirror makes you think your clothes are messy and your hair is a mess. It seems like everyone is looking at you and whispering about your "unlucky appearance."

You are nervous, even though you shouldn't be. This is what psychology calls the spotlight effect.

The spotlight shines brighter in our minds than in reality. This means we overestimate how others see us.

The spotlight effect makes you nervous when talking to other people. You think that other people pay special attention to you. When talking to other people, you seem to feel a spotlight on your head, so you become nervous and your mind goes blank.

You are nervous when talking to other people because you think they pay special attention to you. You feel like a spotlight is on you, so you become nervous and your mind goes blank.

In reality, we're not that important, and people don't pay much attention to us. So relax and be yourself.

Be yourself. People who like you will like you, no matter what. People who don't like you may still reject you. We can't win everyone's approval, but we can be the person we like. The closer we are to our true selves, the more we will like ourselves.

Third, we need to learn to view other people's opinions objectively. We should not live in other people's opinions, but in our own understanding and knowledge.

Third, we need to learn to think for ourselves. We shouldn't live by what other people think.

We are all different. We like and support people who meet our standards. We dislike and doubt people who don't.

We are all different. We like and support people who meet our standards. We dislike and doubt people who don't.

If we meet someone else's expectations, they'll approve of us. If we don't, they'll disapprove.

It doesn't matter if the other person recognizes you or not. What matters is whether you match their evaluation criteria. We can't control what others think or do, and we can't meet everyone's evaluation criteria all the time.

Everyone's different. You don't have to live your life according to other people's standards. You don't have to seek everyone's approval.

We don't have to sacrifice ourselves to gain or maintain approval from others. It doesn't matter if you're liked or disliked because there will always be people who like and dislike you. The important thing is accepting your liked and disliked self.

We don't live to please others. If we keep seeking approval and caring about what others think, we'll end up living someone else's life. If we want to be approved by others too much, we'll live according to others' expectations and lose our true self. This will cause trouble because it's not the life we really want.

Take back the right to judge yourself. Treat yourself as if you were someone else and evaluate yourself objectively. Know yourself and know what you want. Other people's opinions matter less.

When you live your true self, your relationships improve. You'll stop worrying about "bad relationships" caused by pleasing others and suppressing your needs.

Fourth, you can build up your self-confidence and sense of security.

Strength and hard work give us confidence. When we become the person we want to be, we will become more confident and our hearts will become steadfast.

Set yourself goals and achieve them one by one. This will improve your abilities, knowledge, and experience. You will feel more secure, have more control over your life, and become more confident.

Appropriate goals are medium-level, like standing on your tiptoes. If the goal is too small, you'll feel unchallenged and bored. If it's too big, you'll feel too much resistance and lack confidence. Moderate-level goals are best for motivation. When we work hard to achieve these goals, we'll feel a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence.

If you walk 4,000 steps a day, set a goal of 4,500–5,000 steps.

When you set goals that suit you, the most important thing is to persevere. Only action can help you overcome difficulties and truly experience your own value.

Keep encouraging yourself. Believe that you can do it. You can do it!

Hello!

I'm a heart exploration coach. Learning is a treasure.

From what you said, I can tell you're worried, anxious, helpless, in pain, and overwhelmed.

You are introverted and find it hard to let yourself go in front of other people. Here are three pieces of advice for you:

Think back to when you started caring what others thought and were afraid to express yourself. What happened then?

Thinking back helps you understand why you're like this. Once you know why, you can find a new way to cope.

Imagine what would happen if you let yourself go in front of other people.

Are you worried that people will criticize you? Do you avoid rejection? Or are you afraid of being ridiculed? Whatever the reason, you need to figure out why you are like this.

Second, think about the reasons you've found.

This can help you understand yourself and reality better.

To take a rational approach, do the following:

Nobody's perfect. We all make mistakes. That doesn't mean we're bad. We deserve to be loved and accepted.

If you can't relax in front of others because you've made mistakes, remember that nobody's perfect. You're not the same person you were before. You've grown up and gained knowledge and experience. It's likely you won't make the same mistakes again.

You can change the status quo.

When you take action, your mindset will change. You've come here to seek help, which shows you want to change. See your abilities and the power of time.

Focus on yourself and think about how you can feel better.

When you think about your own situation, you can decide what to do. You focus on yourself and try your best.

Look for the good things about yourself. When you accept yourself, you can change. This may sound strange, but it's true. Look for your bright spots. You have them. As I said, you came here for help, so you know you have good points.

You should also learn to view yourself with a developmental perspective. Look at people around you who you think are more outgoing. See how they handle relationships and interact with others. You can learn from them and spend more time with them. You may also learn some skills. You can also read some related books. Examples are "Low Self-Esteem and Beyond" and "The Courage to Be Disliked."

You can also try letting yourself go in front of someone you trust to see what happens. This will help you realize that your worries are just imagined and the result is not that scary. Even if the consequences happen, you will be able to bear it because you can now look at yourself rationally. You will become stronger and when your courage and skills improve, you will no longer care what others think because you can accept and identify with yourself. You need to know that you can do something to improve the situation.

Taking action helps you feel better.

I hope my answer helps. Click "Find a coach to interpret – online dialogue" at the bottom to communicate further.