1956
44
18
By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Hello, I'm Gu Daoxifeng, a heart exploration coach.
College is already a semi-social circle, and it's normal to want to relax after three years of high school, where things were pretty restrictive and you had to work hard. The questioner might try to respect others even if they disagree.
Everyone has things about themselves that others don't know, like their family background or financial situation. Maybe everyone has their own reasons for not going home after going out (like having relatives or friends in the city or doing some work part-time). If we try not to judge, we'll be more willing to understand the motives behind the other person's actions and reduce biased perceptions that are taken out of context.
It's true that in college, after being free from their parents' influence, some people will do things differently than they did before. But that doesn't mean we should label them. When we form our own stereotypes about the other person, it can be biased and not helpful for our interactions.
Has the questioner's satisfaction with his roommate increased before and after the change? It might be helpful to consider that weighing the two evils could improve the questioner's satisfaction with his current roommate.
Everyone has lots of stories. The questioner might ask themselves from an objective point of view: does the other person affect their rest and study? If not, are they willing to turn a blind eye? Roommates are a group of people who are more likely to destroy each other's boundaries in their interactions. Space is collective rather than individual, and requires mutual tolerance and understanding.
If there is, can we find a solution that works for everyone and communicate it clearly?
As the old saying goes, you become like the people you spend time with. What is the questioner worried about in terms of spending time with such people? Is he worried about being influenced by them?
Can you influence the other person in the opposite direction? Thinking in a different way might help the questioner adjust their state.
It can be helpful to separate issues and distinguish between your own affairs, your classmates' affairs, and the affairs of the heavens. When we focus on being responsible for our own affairs, we may pay less attention to others. After all, the other person has a reason for choosing their lifestyle, and they bear the consequences, good or bad.
I'd like to suggest we all read "The Courage to Be Disliked."
Best,
Helpful to me 248
disapprove0
Comments
I can totally relate to feeling out of sync with roommates who have a different lifestyle. It's tricky because you want to respect their choices while also maintaining your peace. Maybe setting some personal boundaries and routines could help you feel more in control.
Finding a balance is key. Since you're not responsible for their actions, focusing on what you can manage within your space might be the way to go. Creating a cozy corner for yourself where you can unwind without disturbance could make all the difference.
It sounds like you're valuing your quiet time which is super important. Perhaps communicating openly but politely about your needs could lead to a mutual understanding. People often don't realize how their habits affect others until it's gently pointed out.
Sometimes changing perspectives helps too. Viewing the social activities of others as part of their lives that you don't need to engage with can take the pressure off. You could use this opportunity to practice mindfulness or meditation, which can enhance your ability to remain calm amidst chaos.
Living with diverse personalities teaches patience and adaptability. If direct conversation feels uncomfortable, maybe leaving friendly notes about common courtesy can be an indirect yet effective approach. This keeps things light and avoids confrontation.