What if you feel dissatisfied, but still consider your parents your friends, and you feel very conflicted?

Hello. It seems that you have many friends, but perhaps not as many true friends as you would like. You confide in your parents as if they were your friends who could understand you, but they may not always be able to provide the same level of feedback or support as you would from ordinary friends.

After being rejected, they may feel compelled to tell their parents again next time, despite feeling conflicted. It can be challenging when there seems to be a discrepancy between how we view our parents as confidants and how they perceive us.

I admire your proactive communication, whether it's with your parents or friends. It takes courage to communicate in this way, and I see that you have that strength.

Good communication is a two-way exchange, and there is often a great deal of meaning behind the words. When the meaning behind our words is accurately perceived and accepted, it often creates a feeling of "you understand me."

I believe the reverse is also true. When we can understand the meaning behind the other person's words, it creates a good and effective communication field.

If the meaning behind a person's words is not fully understood or is misinterpreted, the effectiveness of the communication may be limited.

You know that you definitely have to go to boarding school in high school, so you said "I don't want to go to boarding school" instead of "I don't want to go to boarding school." As you said, you may just be "talking big," and what you really mean is "although I don't want to go to boarding school, I will try my best to overcome this thought and choose to go to boarding school anyway."

If parents understand this, they may appreciate your self-restraint and give you a thumbs-up from the bottom of their hearts. However, if parents misunderstand and fail to see the meaning behind the words, they may make their own judgment: "My child chooses not to go to boarding school."

"This may have an impact on his studies, and it's not entirely aligned with the school's regulations. It might also affect his future development," and then they act accordingly, "I feel a sense of responsibility for my child, and I believe it's important to gently encourage him to reconsider before it's too late."

This kind of parental responsibility is expressed in their own way, and it may become "You are not good enough, and if you don't live in the dormitory, you will be even worse." But the real meaning is "Living in the dormitory is better for you, and we hope you will get better and better."

It may be beneficial to consider stepping outside the influence of our emotions and rationally analyzing the meaning behind the words. This approach could potentially lead to different discoveries, including the possibility of fostering love, tolerance, care, and responsibility.

It may be helpful to try to put ourselves in our parents' shoes and express our true meaning when communicating with them, as this could help to avoid misunderstandings.

I believe that sincere and effective communication is an important way to nourish oneself.

I would like to suggest the book Nonviolent Communication, which I believe has helped many people.

The analysis is straightforward, personal, and limited in scope, but it offers some insights that may be helpful.

At Yixin, we extend our warmest regards to you and express our deepest appreciation for your presence in our lives.

Your grades have led to some friends questioning you and your parents wondering if you can get into a good high school. With a heavy academic workload, you're feeling the pressure and it's affecting you mentally and physically. You've opened up to your parents about everything, but instead of getting their support and understanding, you've received demands and judgments, which makes you feel very uncomfortable. Despite being hurt, you still cannot give up interacting with your parents and you cannot help but get close to them, which makes you feel very conflicted and helpless.

As a child, it's natural to want to be close to your parents. There's no need to blame yourself for not being able to control it. This is a very normal reaction. You're a great kid who can get along with your parents as friends!

I think your parents have also created a relaxed and accepting family environment for you to grow up in, even though there are some areas where they could have done better.

There's a difference between parental love and friendship. Parents care a lot about their kids' development, just as they care about themselves. Friendships are based on companionship, support, and encouragement, and don't usually involve expectations. You want a relationship with your parents that is as equal and free as a "friendship."

It's okay to be honest with your parents about how you feel. You can tell them about your reasons for not wanting to live in a boarding school, and ask them for their support. This way, they can understand you better than if you suffer in silence.

We do our best in the learning process, without worrying about the outcome. The result is beyond our control, and we only need to be responsible to ourselves, without having to explain to anyone. No matter who takes your grades as an excuse, as long as you have a clear conscience, you can be justified. Other people's judgments are their own, and they have nothing to do with you. There is no need to take them to heart and put them in your pocket. Just give them back to the other person.

I hope you continue to be a warm and sunny teenager and can move on from the worries of youth soon!

I'm Chen Yu, a psychological counselor, and I'm here to help you find your way.