What is true self-esteem? How do you achieve self-esteem and remain unaffected by praise or criticism?

Xiaowan's answer is as follows:

1. [Improve your abilities] Everyone has a role to play in life, no matter what level it is. Just put the work in to get to where you want to be. If you can get there, it means you nailed it, and then you can stay cool in the face of praise and criticism. If you can't get there, it means you need to rethink your strategy, and then you'll know how to view yourself. Having a high position is not the problem, the important thing is to level up your corresponding abilities, so that they are relatively matched.

So, what is ability? Take the saint and poet you mentioned. A saint needs to have a lot of knowledge, and secondly, they need to have a certain breadth of mind, open-mindedness, perspective, feelings, and so on.

A poet needs a good literary foundation and a large group of loyal readers, for example. Focus on improving your abilities so you don't have to worry about whether your wishes are fulfilled.

2. [Learn to love yourself] You may have heard this saying: You want everyone to like you, but do you like everyone back? Even if you can love everyone, it doesn't necessarily mean that everyone will love you back. And let's face it, no one can love everyone.

If you want everyone to love you, the most basic question is: do you love yourself? If you love yourself, you won't care whether others love you or not. If you don't even love yourself, why would you expect others to love you?

The original poster's question is profound and deserves a profound answer.

I'd like to share my thoughts on what true self-esteem is and discuss them with the original poster.

I believe self-esteem is an objective and fair perception of oneself. You can't be blindly confident and exceed your abilities without appearing overconfident and unable to communicate properly. Likewise, you can't feel sorry for yourself and completely unable to see your own strengths without becoming timid and unable to communicate properly.

We can adjust and find objective cognition by debating the various extreme evaluations of ourselves in our brains.

If someone doesn't like me, I'm a failure.

First, the person might not have greeted me because he was thinking about something and didn't see me walking from across the street. This doesn't mean that he doesn't like me.

Second, he is not happy with me because I refuted his ideas in class last time, so he kind of dislikes me. However, I was only discussing the issue with him, not targeting him personally. It may be a misunderstanding, and I can explain it to him and rebuild the relationship. If he doesn't accept my explanation, that's his problem. I don't like myself, either, but I'm not going to let that bother me. I don't have a problem.

Third, I have a very good friend (even if it's only one, even if it's an online friend I've never met but with whom I have a good time chatting online), and I have a very good relationship with my mother, and they both like me. I am not a failure.

Fourth, we must ask ourselves: what is the standard for judging success and failure? Human nature is complex, and human relationships are complicated. The criterion for success or failure should not be whether everyone likes you.

After considering these questions, you will undoubtedly have doubts about the conclusion that "I must be liked by everyone, and if just one person doesn't like me, I'm a failure." At the same time, you will establish the belief that "I am who I am, some people like me and some don't, and that's their decision; my success or failure is not determined by whether a few people like me, but by whether I have done my best."

For further information, please refer to the above.

Dear questioner, I have some thoughts on the issue of self-esteem that you describe. You have always thought that it was your self-esteem, but now you may think that it is arrogance. Furthermore, you are also facing social anxiety, and you realize that it is not self-esteem, not confidence, but rather your own inferiority complex. As a result, you are having a hard time figuring out what self-esteem really is.

The objective is to achieve a state of equanimity in the face of external praise or criticism.

From your question, it appears that your primary query pertains to the essence of self-respect.

In order to achieve a state of equanimity in interpersonal relationships, it is necessary to consider how an inferiority complex can be overcome.

The initial step is to ascertain the definition of self-esteem.

Self-esteem, also referred to as "self-respect" or "sense of self-worth," is an emotional state that an individual experiences based on their self-evaluation. It is formed from self-respect, self-love, and the expectation of being respected by others, the collective, and society. Self-esteem is a psychological component of the self-regulating structure of personality.

Self-esteem can manifest as either a strong or weak state. When it is excessive, it may manifest as vanity, while a lack of self-esteem may result in feelings of inferiority.

Self-esteem, or self-respect, is the result of an individual's self-evaluation of their social role. It is formed through social comparison, which is the result of an individual's self-evaluation of their social role.

The primary expression of self-esteem is self-respect and self-love. Additionally, there is an expectation that others, groups, and society at large will treat us with respect.

An alternative conceptualization of self-esteem is a sense of self-worth, which can be understood as a positive valuation of one's overall value. This concept is shaped by social comparisons, the opinions of others, and the affirmation of one's achievements and shortcomings.

Based on the aforementioned description, it can be surmised that an individual in this situation requires a sense of self-identity and self-worth in their social role. This encompasses the expectation of respect from others and society at large.

Secondly, the individual in question has had relatively little experience of attaining a sense of self-esteem or engaging in self-analysis, due to their overconfidence. Consequently, they are not held in high regard by others.

As a result of previously exhibiting a self-image as a paragon of virtue, you developed a sense of overconfidence and a desire for universal approval, which ultimately proved unattainable.

Thirdly, the aspiration to achieve more and the anticipation of favourable outcomes can precipitate feelings of anxiety and the emergence of social phobias in interpersonal relationships.

Additionally, social phobias are often precipitated by a sense of inferiority. Upon recognizing this phenomenon, individuals may realize that they possess an inherent sense of inferiority.

It is therefore recommended that you rebuild your self-confidence. Once this has been achieved, you will be able to re-establish a sense of self-worth.

The following tips are provided for your consideration:

First, it is essential to undertake a comprehensive examination of one's own self-perception. This entails a detailed analysis of one's strengths and weaknesses, coupled with a firm sense of self-assurance in one's areas of proficiency. Frequent self-reflection through mirror observation and self-encouragement is also crucial. Furthermore, it is vital to maintain an unwavering belief in one's capabilities and to consistently strive to enhance one's weaknesses.

It is essential to gain an understanding of the issue and to implement strategies for improvement.

2. In interpersonal relationships, it is essential to develop the ability to empathize with others, to listen effectively, and to be tolerant of others' shortcomings. It is also crucial to learn how to establish and maintain a sense of personal boundaries. It is normal to have requirements and habits in certain situations, and it is therefore important to communicate these to the other party in advance.

This approach will prevent the other person from causing you offense or discomfort.

3. Self-esteem is derived from both external and internal sources. The initial step is to gain a comprehensive understanding of oneself and the level of respect one affords to oneself.

Conversely, if one desires to gain the respect of others, it is imperative to first demonstrate respect for others, treat people with courtesy, and be humble and modest in order to more effectively gain the respect of others.

The aforementioned content is provided for your reference and is intended to be a beneficial resource.

The world and I extend our affectionate regard to you.

Hello, my name is Flower.

I get the feeling that the questioner has thought a lot about his past experiences and that some of the not-so-great ones have made him more self-aware, which has led to this performance. It seems like the questioner is all over the place, sometimes feeling arrogant, sometimes feeling inferior, sometimes feeling confident, and sometimes feeling self-esteemy. But here's the thing: maybe these adjectives aren't as contradictory as they seem. Maybe it's more important to find a happy medium between them.

Let's take a closer look at the underlying logic of inferiority and conceit.

"I thought all the bad things that happened to me started with arrogance, but I was wrong. I thought it was self-esteem, but it was actually something else. So later, God sent a punishment, so that for 18 years I have always been in a state of 'inferiority' that cannot be overstated."

We all love a good compliment! Sometimes, though, when we're feeling particularly confident, we might come across as a bit arrogant. It's not always about proving to others that we're capable and competent. Sometimes, it's about showing off a bit and wanting to be praised.

It's totally normal to feel inferior when we compare ourselves to others and realize they have so many advantages. We might feel ashamed or like we can't measure up, but that's okay! It's all part of the journey.

It's possible that feelings of inferiority and conceit arise from comparing ourselves to others. It's interesting how these feelings can have both positive and negative effects. On the one hand, they can motivate us to learn new things and admire those who are good at what they do. On the other hand, they can make us feel ashamed and hold us back.

It's clear that the questioner cares a lot about his inferiority complex. Have you ever thought about whether it's also brought you benefits? There's always more than one way to look at things. Why not try observing from a more comprehensive perspective?

There's absolutely nothing wrong with having ideals!

When I was young, I had a big desire to be part of the group of people who had the most meaningful lives. I also wanted everyone to love me. Because of this, I started looking up to saints and poets. I imagined what I wanted to become. But I'm not a saint or a poet. Saints and poets act according to their hearts. I do things for the sake of being extraordinary, for the sake of standing above everyone else, for the sake of being conceited. I have stolen the heart of a saint.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a clear idea of the person we want to become. We're not perfect, and we probably never will be, but it's great to have this goal in mind. It can really motivate us to keep moving forward!

It's so important to give yourself the chance to make your dreams come true. This longing you have isn't just a vague idea in your heart, it's something you can turn into a plan, a goal and even practical steps you can take. It's not about talking about what kind of person you want to become all day long, it's about believing in yourself and working hard in silence.

I truly believe that staying grounded will definitely lead to success!

The world is a big, beautiful place, and it's totally understandable that it's hard to please everyone. Give different voices a chance!

"Because I want everyone to love me, I am afraid. Whenever someone doesn't like me, I am afraid of love, so naturally I suffer from social phobia. The essence of social phobia is low self-esteem and lack of confidence, which are all punishments for my arrogance, but I mistakenly think that it is self-esteem."

The world is so diverse and pluralistic, and everyone has their own ideas. Even celebrities have qualities that aren't accepted by others. Nobody's perfect, and that's totally okay!

It's so important to find people who think the same way you do and work together with people you admire to make progress together.

If the questioner's social phobia is the fear of others' disapproval, it's okay! We don't need to be approved by everyone. The world can already have different voices. Sometimes the truth is often in the hands of the minority.

I truly believe that in most cases, the questioner and their friends will have similar ideas. Why not give it a try? Go and share these ideas with your friends, learn to express your own views and opinions, and allow yourself to take your time.

When you start to love yourself, the whole world will come to love you, my friend.

"So I ask, what is true self-respect? How can a person remain calm in the face of both honor and disgrace?"

True self-esteem is probably neither groveling to others nor allowing others to discriminate and insult. Having your own way of thinking, you respect others, do not attack others at will, and are not disturbed by others' attacks.

It's also really important to have your own system of self-evaluation. This means understanding yourself based on your own thoughts and feelings, rather than just following what others think. It's also good to remember that you don't have to completely deny yourself because of something that's happened, and you shouldn't feel too happy or too sad about other people's problems.

I think it would be really helpful for you to have a more comprehensive understanding.

I really think you should give it a try. Love yourself a little more, and when confidence radiates from the inside out, you'll be the hero of your world!

I'd also like to suggest a few books that I think you'll really enjoy! They're called "When You Start Loving Yourself, the World Will Come to Love You," "Learn to Love Yourself Before Meeting the Right Person," and "My Inner Infinity."

Hello, my name is Yiyan (? Yiran), and I'm a Heart Exploration coach. I'd be delighted to help you!

It's totally normal to feel a little lost sometimes. We all want everyone to love us, but it can also be scary when someone doesn't like you very much.

In fact, the self-esteem you want to understand here can be called "self-love" by another name.

Self-love is all about respecting your own wishes, treating yourself equally, and accepting yourself fully in all aspects. When you love yourself, you feel secure and have a healthy self-esteem. You don't need to seek external validation from others to feel loved and worthy.

It's totally normal to feel inferior sometimes. We all do! But when we lack love inside, it's easier to feel that way. And it's not just about feeling inferior. We also fill in some narcissistic images in our minds to compensate for the loss of self-esteem and to cover up the pain of not being loved. We all do it!

It's often said that inferiority and conceit are two sides of the same coin. When we feel inferior, it can be really painful, so we often try to make up for it in other ways.

In general, the healthier self-esteem we have is somewhat similar to the "self-love" I just mentioned.

Self-love is a wonderful way to look at yourself and others. It's about understanding that we're all unique individuals in this world, and that everyone has needs that deserve to be met and respected. It's also about accepting your own imperfections, not dwelling on your shortcomings, and celebrating your strengths in a balanced way.

It's so important to have a more holistic perception of yourself. We all have our ups and downs, but it's so important to try to maintain a more even keel.

Our life experiences and family education play a big part in how we form self-love. If your parents treated you inconsistently, it can be hard to view yourself in a stable and objective way. This might be why you're struggling to recognize true self-love and what self-esteem is.

I really feel that, based on your question, you should talk to a professional. They can help you unravel the mystery and see some of the underlying patterns, and heal your lack of love.

If you're interested, I'd love to share a few books on understanding yourself with you. I think you'll find them really helpful! They're all treasures of my self-growth, and I'm so happy to be able to share them with you.

Wu Zhihong says, "Have a life where you call the shots."

Cong Fei Cong: "Raising the Child Within You"

Zhou Fan also said something really lovely: "When you start to love yourself, the whole world will come to love you."

I also wrote an article about self-love on Yi Xinli that I think you'll find helpful. Here's the link:

I'd be happy to help! You can find more information here: https://www.xinli001.com/info/100475388.

I hope this helps answer your question!

Good day, I am pleased to connect with you on the Yixinli platform. Allow me to extend a warm greeting in advance (づ ●─● )づ.

It is important to remember the saying, "It's not the problem that matters, but our attitude towards it!" You have already demonstrated a level of courage by exposing your issue with "pride and arrogance" on this platform, rather than concealing it. Taking this step forward is a significant achievement in itself. For this, I commend you and offer my support.

Secondly, the term "pride" is merely a superficial concept. In essence, it represents an attempt to gain attention and recognition in order to fill an underlying emotional void. One can attempt to become aware of this by considering whether they have received a significant amount of positive reinforcement, such as smiles, hugs, and praise, since childhood.

There are three categories of affairs in this world: your own, other people's, and the affairs of heaven. Your desire for universal acceptance is your own concern. Whether other people reciprocate your feelings is outside of your control. The potential for a mutually beneficial relationship is determined by fate, which is the domain of heaven.

It is essential to excel in your own role, respect the contributions of others, and align with the objectives of the organization.

The reason saints can become saints is that they can clearly understand these three things, which, in short, is to "go with the flow." If you want the whole world to love you, you must have the "value" that allows the whole world to love you (for example, you have used your intelligence to promote the progress of the world and make a beneficial contribution to it).

Otherwise, failure to meet the requisite standards will result in immediate consequences.

In short, if you excel, opportunities will arise; if you are exceptional, success will follow. When you learn to attribute success to your own efforts rather than seeking it externally, you are on the path to becoming a saint!

Naturally, this is solely my personal viewpoint. Should there be any inaccuracies or shortcomings, I kindly request feedback to help me improve.