What should be done if fear of men arises due to molestation by a stranger at the age of 8?

Give yourself a hug! Here are some tips:

It's truly unfortunate to have experienced such a helpless event at the tender age of eight. I once again extend my embrace to the injured you.

This incident has left an indelible mark on your mind and affected your life.

You've come a long way, and you've worked hard. You're strong.

Your life has been affected, and you have been carrying this shadow. You are living in pain.

If it's easy to say forget about it, it may be difficult for you. But in the long river of life, we can't always have it easy. We will always encounter this or that kind of dissatisfaction. So don't be afraid to face it.

You need to decide what you're going to do.

You have to keep learning to love yourself. It's difficult, but you can do it. This incident has been over for decades, but it has always been the dominant tone of your emotions, controlling your life.

It hurts you.

You have to take control of your life. Don't let the past hold you back. You can't change what happened, but you can decide how you react to it.

Loving yourself means living in the present moment and allowing yourself to feel the beauty of the world around you.

It's not too late. Come on, this thing is just a fruit that life has given you. It's not a tasty fruit, and it's even pricking your heart. Pull it out of your heart with all your might, look up and see the blue sky and white clouds, and the birds singing and the flowers blooming in the world. You can do it.

This is not a disease. It is just a thorn that has not been pulled out. Pull it out!

Hello, question asker.

I'm sad and sorry after reading your post.

You didn't think twice about it.

It's sad it's affected you for 30 years!

I don't know what you mean by normal and abnormal.

This early trauma has caused you to fear contact with the opposite sex.

It's abnormal because it affects your normal love and marriage.

If you meet your social needs and are willing to improve yourself,

You are doing well, so you are normal!

If you feel anxious for a long time, it can affect your relationships and make you think about

Do you need more treatment to have a normal, intimate relationship with someone of the opposite sex and even get married?

How can it be treated?

First, we need to understand your personality.

You were young when you were hurt, so it may have had an impact.

Extremes and dwelling on problems are two adverse effects.

If you think in black-and-white or catastrophically, you need help.

The next thing to deal with is your problem.

You still use childlike behavior to cope with the trauma from your early childhood.

What is the situation?

You need to develop your adult defenses.

Dealing with your shame is probably the hardest part.

This shame makes you see men as burdened and distorted.

You will be insecure, stressed, and guarded around men.

You have trouble trusting men.

The "cupid's bow and arrow" has made you shy away from the opposite sex.

How?

Talk to the man who hurt you.

Use the empty chair technique to express your feelings.

You need to let go of the negative energy you've held in for a long time.

(2) Talk to your 8-year-old self.

Say goodbye to your past self with the empty chair technique.

It's not your fault!

It's not your fault!

It's not your fault!

(3) Think in new ways.

Start a conversation with the boy you like and talk to him.

Intimate contact: what are the body's responses and feelings?

It takes time to get used to being around the opposite sex and to start a relationship.

The above analysis and suggestions are for reference only.

I'm counselor Yao. I'm here to support you!

Good morning, Thank you for your question.

I have reviewed the questions and yours is the first one I have seen. It seems that our interaction in the Q&A space is also a matter of fate. Therefore, I would like to address your confusion.

"What steps should I take to address the fear of men that resulted from being molested by a stranger when I was eight years old?"

It is recommended that you confront your fears head-on and embrace a new way of life.

It is simple to say, but you may respond by stating that you are unable to do so. Alternatively, you may claim that you have been attempting to overcome and establish an intimate relationship for an extended period, yet you remain fearful and have become accustomed to this situation.

It is indeed simple to discuss these issues, but much more challenging to take action. I extend my support and encouragement through this gesture of physical contact.

It has been a challenging journey for you over the years. Do you want to continue living with this burden?

Thank you for your inquiry.

I would like to thank you for your courage in coming to the Yi Xinli platform to share your concerns. I appreciate your trust in the platform.

Thank you for assuming responsibility for your own actions. I and the other respondents will do our utmost to answer your questions and resolve your issues.

Let's review your description together.

On a winter night when I was 8 years old, my 9-year-old sister and I attended an open-air movie. As it was a family area, we attended together. While watching the movie, an unfamiliar adult sat down next to me and said, "I'm cold. May I put my hands in your cotton pants to warm them up?" At the time, I did not think much of it and agreed. However, the man's hands then touched my private parts. I tried to move them away, but he followed. The movie finally ended. My sister called me, so I quickly stood up and went to her. We then proceeded to leave with him. When I got home, I felt very uncomfortable going to the bathroom. I always felt dirty in my heart. However, I never told anyone about it.

This prompted me to recognize that the benevolent nature of a young girl was being exploited and even harmed by an individual with ulterior motives. I extend my support and encouragement once more.

I would like to inquire whether the behavior of the adult stranger caused you any physical harm.

Apart from the desire to remove yourself from the situation and feelings of uncleanliness, what other emotions did you experience?

Please explain why you have never informed anyone of this incident. What were your thoughts at the time?

At the time, did you consider asking for assistance? Who was available to provide support?

Please describe any subsequent interactions with this individual.

An 8-year-old girl in that age group and in that environment may lack the knowledge to protect herself. When a stranger touches her private parts, she may feel scared and fearful because she is too young to fight back against an adult. She may also worry that she will encounter retaliation or threats if she makes a sound. She may think that it is her own fault that has led to this result and be afraid that her parents will criticize her if she tells them. Therefore, she may have to hide it quietly. Many girls may have had similar experiences.

At the age of 21, I encountered a gentleman who was both gentle and refined. I found him attractive, but on one occasion, he was wearing a suit that brought to mind the man who had sexually abused me. The suit was the same color as the one the abuser wore, and I experienced an overwhelming sense of fear.

This is a normal reaction after trauma. It seems that you wrote your fear into your subconscious at the beginning. When we enter the subconscious, the people and things around us are imprinted into our physical memory together. The clothes of the same color awakened your subconscious, making you associate it with the strange adult who molested you. Your inexplicable fear comes from that experience when you were 8 years old, not from that gentle boy.

Subconscious voices, appearances, etc. can also awaken memories and trigger corresponding repressed emotions. These may require resolution through the guidance of a professional counselor or therapist.

I attempted to establish an intimate relationship, but I am now over 40 and have become what some people call a "leftover woman." I have never had a sexual relationship with anyone and have been seeing a psychiatrist for a long time. Fortunately, I am now only in a state of anxiety.

Please describe the difficulties you face in forming intimate relationships, which has led some to label you a "leftover woman."

Please describe your feelings regarding sexual intercourse. Have you ever engaged in such activity? If not, please indicate whether this is due to a lack of interest or apprehension.

Please confirm whether you are physically normal and whether you have undergone any professional examinations or diagnoses.

Please provide the doctor's diagnosis after you had been seeing a psychiatrist for a long time. Also, please describe the circumstances that led you to seek medical treatment.

Please advise if you are currently taking any medication. Have you undergone any psychological counseling, psychotherapy, or other treatments?

Please indicate if you have any additional questions not already covered.

"On occasion, I will research this kind of situation online. Could you please advise as to how long the man will be sentenced for? Has he been arrested since then? Has he gone on to harm other people? In recent years, with hard work, I feel that my social life is relatively normal. However, I am unsure if this is considered normal."

Please describe your social situation prior to this incident.

Please describe the circumstances under which you recall this incident. Have you ever considered contacting the authorities to report it?

Please confirm whether this individual is a family member. What form of disciplinary action do you anticipate?

Please describe the state you expect to be considered normal.

In the era when you were 8 years old, the law may not have been well-established, and people may not have been aware of the need to protect young children from molestation. Fortunately, in May 2020, nine departments, including the National Supervisory Commission, the Supreme People's Procuratorate, the Ministry of Education, and the Ministry of Public Security, issued the "Opinions on Establishing a Mandatory Reporting System for Cases of Infringement of Minors (Trial)." This was incorporated into the "Law of the People's Republic of China on the Protection of Minors," which was revised and implemented in June 2021. It has since been elevated to the level of legal provisions.

In accordance with the aforementioned laws and regulations, state organs, residents' committees, villagers' committees, units that interact closely with minors, and their respective staff members are required to promptly report any instances where the physical or mental health of a minor has been or may be adversely affected, or where the minor is in a situation that may endanger them, to the relevant departments of public security, civil affairs, education, and so forth. In the context of accommodating minors or minors and adults together, accommodation operators, such as hotels, guesthouses, and inns, are obliged to ascertain the contact information of the parents or other guardians, the identity relationships of the individuals checking in, and other pertinent details. In the event that any suspected illegal activity is identified, the public security authorities must be immediately informed.

Please do not respond to the above "❓." It is my hope that these questions will prompt you to reflect, provide inspiration, and assist you in processing your experiences and healing. The time required for this process may vary depending on your determination and courage.

In conclusion, the following recommendations are presented:

1. Engage the services of a professional counselor to assist you in reliving the traumatic event that occurred when you were eight years old, releasing pent-up emotions, and determining the impact of the event on you, including any unreasonable perceptions you may have about yourself, others, or intimate relationships.

2. Conduct a review of your life journey since the age of 8 to identify any other events or reasons that may have contributed to your current state, in addition to this incident.

I recommend the book Change Starts in the Heart as a resource for understanding how past hurts can impact our present experiences, the patterns of self-harm, and strategies for creating positive change.

At the age of four or eight, you were in a position of vulnerability, lacking the capacity to safeguard your own interests. However, now in your forties, I believe you have developed a certain level of capability and expertise, equipping you with the ability to protect yourself. You can leverage the insights and skills gained over the course of your 30-year journey to provide care and support to an eight-year-old girl, and to nurture the inner child within you in a mature and effective manner.

I would like to extend another hug and wish you the best in living your wonderful life, free from the fear of being eight years old.

I am a counseling psychologist at Happy Cow. I am new to the company and to the world, and I am eager to contribute to your success.

Hello, dear questioner!

I'm sending you a big, warm hug from across the screen!

You've been through a lot. Being molested by a stranger when you were a child has left a psychological shadow on you. But you're here now, ready to take on the world!

But don't worry! It is totally possible to establish an intimate relationship.

I applaud you for actively seeking help!

I'd absolutely love to go through it with you! I really hope it will be comforting and inspiring for you.

1. It's time to re-evaluate past injuries!

There is a fascinating theory in psychology called the ABC model.

There is an amazing theory in psychology called the ABC model of emotions!

It's not the event itself that triggers our emotional response. It's our perception of it!

When we were molested as children, we were weak and didn't know how to deal with it. But now we do! And it feels so good to finally be free of that unbreakable knot in our hearts.

Go on, give yourself a big hug!

Now that we are older, we can look at it again and face it head on!

I want to share something with you that I think you'll really enjoy!

"Misfortunes can happen to good people."

It's not your fault!

The bad guys are at fault, we were hurt, and they deserve to be punished!

We are still good, and we are WORTH being cherished!

And there will be bad men in life, but the good news is that most are good men!

We can't change what happened, but we can change how we think about it!

But the great news is that how we view the event is something we can decide!

From now on, go out there and devote more energy to things that have nothing to do with this matter!

This is not about forgetting, but rather about saving the trauma for another time when you're ready to face it head on!

Go on, live your life to the fullest! And believe in yourself. You are normal and good enough.

2. Absolutely! We can learn to grow!

In his book The Courage to Be Disliked, Adler offers some fascinating insights.

No matter how hard we look for reasons, we cannot change a person—and that's okay!

We don't need to find out why we are afraid of men! And here's another thing: finding out the reason doesn't necessarily make us better.

And the best part is, if you know the reason, it doesn't really help your life!

In a revolutionary twist, Adler boldly declared that psychological trauma is nothing more than a myth!

Our misfortunes are all of our own "choices"... and we can choose to make them work for us!

This may be difficult for some people to hear, but it's true!

He just provides us with a completely different perspective!

But here's the good news: looking for reasons all the time does not help us live the life we want!

But there's another way! It is easy to make ourselves feel sorry for ourselves and unable to break free from the mental prison we have set up for ourselves.

We have inadvertently accepted our fate and an inexplicable fear of men — and now we get to change it!

It's not past experiences that determine us. It's the meaning we give to them!

Sometimes, because of our fear of men, we find the reason for the hurt we suffered as children—and it's a great thing to be able to do that!

This is who we are, and this is who we have become—and we are amazing!

When we look at it again, we can tell ourselves that no matter what has happened in the past, it is the present that determines our happiness and how we face it!

Believe in your own strength! Don't put yourself in the position of a victim. You can have a whole new life!

This process is not easy, but it is so worth it!

3. Go for it! You can heal yourself.

As long as we are aware of the problem, we have taken the first step towards change—and we can do this!

If you find it challenging to heal yourself, don't worry! You can also seek professional help.

Guess what! We all have both a sunny child and a shadow child within us.

And the best part is, we can develop the sunny child within us!

It represents our positive beliefs and positive energy!

Let's stop limiting ourselves to our wounds and start thinking about what we want to create in the future!

Like the famous question:

A woman suffered for twenty years after being raped. But she survived!

The counselor said to her,

"A rapist only raped you once, but you raped yourself for twenty years." But guess what? You can stop!

I really hope you can think about this sentence too!

Believe in your own strength!

You can absolutely live the life you want!

Take your time to heal and recover, and you will be stronger than ever!

And as for that man who hurt you, I absolutely believe he will be punished!

Bless you!

Bless you!

If you're looking for a little inspiration, I highly recommend reading "The Courage to Be Disliked."

Hello!

Sending you lots of love!

I'm a heart exploration coach, and I believe learning is the treasure of the body.

From what you've told me, I can see that you're feeling scared, longing for love, in pain, and helpless.

It's so sad that you were molested by a stranger when you were just 8 years old. I don't want to go into too much detail, but I'd love to give you three pieces of advice that I think might help:

I think the first thing you should do is try to understand yourself and give yourself a little comfort.

I know it can be tough, but I promise you it will make your heart feel slightly easier, which will help you think about what to do next.

You mentioned the experience you had on the night of your eighth birthday, which has filled you with fear inside and made it impossible for you to have a normal intimate relationship with a man. It's totally understandable! You are still single, anxious, and suffering inside. In fact, if you were in the same situation as someone else, you would probably be in the same situation as them, because that kind of hurt is extremely damaging to girls. It can really shake up your entire internal security system, so you have to try to understand yourself, comfort yourself, and "see" the painful part of yourself that still can't believe in others, but for the time being doesn't know what to do. This will give you the extra mental energy to think about other things, otherwise your brain will be constantly filled with all kinds of negative emotions. You've got this!

It's so important to give yourself the space to understand and accept yourself. This will help you to embrace change and see that change is possible. It might seem a little strange, but it's true! Change is all about allowing for no change.

Secondly, I would like to suggest that you take a step back and view your situation from a more rational perspective.

Because using your brain can help you understand yourself and the world around you better.

To help you accept this in a calm and rational way, I'd like to suggest three simple steps:

First, remember that you've grown up now and are very likely capable of protecting yourself.

When you were 8 years old, you might have been timid, weak, and unable to protect yourself if you were hurt. But you are different now! You have grown up, gained knowledge, and experience, and have the ability to protect yourself. So it's time to see your own strength. For example, if you encounter a bad person, you can call the police, seek external support systems, and so on. You've got this!

Also, the people around you now, including men, are really great people. After all, in a society ruled by law, good people who abide by the law are in the majority.

Second, remember that everyone needs to love and be loved. It's a basic human need.

In other words, everyone needs to live in an intimate relationship (which can be friendship, family, and love). It's so important to feel loved and loving in a relationship, so I really encourage you to try to build deep relationships with others to nourish yourself.

It's okay if this is also the cause of your anxiety. It's totally normal to have a desire for intimacy and a fear of intimacy. The good news is that the status quo can be changed. So, take your time and give yourself some time.

And third, remember that you can change the status quo because you are capable of change.

When you put your own ideas into action, your outlook will naturally shift, and you'll find that your relationships with those around you will start to flourish.

And remember, it's never too late to start! You're in your forties now, but it's never too late to find love. You've got this!

At the same time, it's also a great idea to focus on all the wonderful things about yourself. You are an amazing person, and you deserve to be loved for who you are.

I know it can be tough, but I promise you it'll get better. When you look at it rationally like this, some of the negative emotions in your heart may be resolved.

I really want you to focus on yourself for a moment and think about what you can do to feel better.

When you take a deep breath and think about what's going on, you might even know what to do. At this point, you focus on yourself and do your best.

For example, you can talk to someone you trust, like a friend, relative, or counselor, about your true thoughts and feelings. It can really help to confide in others! Once you start sharing your feelings, you'll feel better because it's like a healing balm for your heart.

You can also try approaching boys. When you are scared, tell yourself, "The other person is not the same as that bad guy. You have grown and gained strength. Even if something bad happens, you have the ability to protect yourself." After you have repeated this to yourself a few times, you may also have confidence in yourself and be able to establish a normal relationship with others.

You can also try talking to yourself, talking to your eight-year-old self from your current perspective. Tell her that she was really scared at the time, but it wasn't her fault. It was the bad guys' fault, and you can protect her now. After you've done this self-talk a few times, your mood may also improve. You've got this!

I know it can be tough, but when you start to take action, all kinds of negative emotions in your heart will naturally be slowly resolved. I promise you, sometimes the enemy of all kinds of negative emotions is action!

I really hope my answer helps you! If you'd like to chat some more, just click on "Find a coach to interpret – online dialogue" at the bottom and I'll be happy to have a one-on-one conversation with you.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm modest and unassuming, but I know who I am and I'm proud of it.

It is impossible to judge others without experiencing the pain of others.

I have recently seen numerous cases of molestation, and I was taken aback by the stark and bloody facts of each case. When I heard the questioner's experience, I was similarly surprised. The questioner was a child at the time, and while they may not have fully understood the long-term impact of the incident, they would eventually realize that it had a significant psychological effect on them.

❀Geese leave no trace, but in fact geese do fly over. We cannot ignore the essence of the problem just because it doesn't look obvious on the surface. We have been hurt, and we need to face it.

The best way forward is to choose people we can trust when building our intimate relationships. Our world doesn't need too many people; it needs those who can make us feel safe.

We can't change the past, but we can make small adjustments to the impact it has on us. We can start by taking each step in the present, using the strength we have now to get out of this shadow, or defeat it.

We were ignorant as children, and this mistake has lasted for far too long. We must not punish ourselves for someone else's mistakes.

Here are some tips to help you move on.

Don't label yourself or easily place yourself in a category. Don't let a bad experience in the past make you ashamed to express yourself or unwilling to accept the closeness and help of more people. Immerse yourself in the world of the past and see psychiatrists if you need to, but don't let it define you.

We can change our perspective, remove the labels we have put on ourselves, and re-examine ourselves.

Life is your own, and it is our responsibility to live it well. I don't know if others feel guilty about their mistakes, but we've been deeply tormented over the years. We shouldn't define our whole lives by the mistakes of others.

We must understand this aspect, which is the basis of self-help, including our current age.

You must accept and overcome. Andy in "Ode to Joy" is a person who fears intimacy to the extreme. When his first lover approaches, he will instinctively be nervous and resist any intimate behavior. But when he really meets the right person, he will not be like this. So look for someone who can go with you, and companionship is a way to leverage strength.

Best wishes!

Hello, sister of the original poster. I may be only in my teens now, but I

If you've had a similar experience, I'm not going to teach you how to do things or enlighten you like other people. I know what you lack is not how to do things, but how to get out of the haze this incident has brought you. Listen to me next.

The first time was in fifth grade. I met a man on my way to school. He took off his pants and waved them in front of me. It was one or two o'clock in the afternoon, and there was no one on the road. At that time, I was still half asleep and saw that kind of unsightly scene. Then I ran as fast as I could and ran back to school. I told my teacher about it, but she didn't give me any solutions. She even held a class meeting to remind the students to be safe, saying that someone in our class had encountered this kind of thing. To be honest, it really wasn't easy. I was already upset about this kind of bad thing, and after class, the teacher often asked me to go out and ask me what was wrong. This time, it was this year. That day, I had just returned home from tutoring. I was walking normally on the road when I suddenly heard someone in the dark call out, "Little sister!" I thought nothing of it, thinking that he was probably just calling out to me. I looked over, and the man was shining a flashlight from his phone on his crotch. At that time, I was extremely panicked, and I ran as fast as I could. I then ran into a tobacco shop. Inside the shop, I heard that the owner was from the same hometown as me.

The owner was kind.

I'm done thinking about that scum. Goodbye, sister. There are a lot of scum in the world. We can't let the scum get away with it. It shouldn't ruin our lives. Think about it: life is long. We shouldn't let the immoral scum ruin our lives. We should live our lives to the fullest. Hold your head high. Look the scum in the face with pride. Say, "Ruined my life? No way. You scum have done a little bit of psychological damage to me, but I'm still radiant and beautiful."

It's a tough question.

Do you feel that you allowed your then-ignorant self to acquiesce to his actions, and that you cannot accept the "dirt" of having done something wrong? Or is it that you simply cannot accept what he did to you, that a strange man touched your genitals?

I believe there are two aspects to this problem: one in yourself and one in him.

If it's the latter, then it's entirely his problem, and your current anxiety is really just self-imposed.

If it is the former, then you must pay attention to your own attitude towards sexual relationships. You have no idea about sexual relationships at all, and you have been single and avoiding them for so long. It is likely that traditional perceptions have imprisoned you, and you cannot bear the moment when you acquiesce.

Let me be clear: it is not your fault to think like this.

You were only eight years old at the time, and it's been so long that you don't even know who that person is. So, why have you been carrying the burden of a stranger's shadow that is no longer connected to your life alone for so many years?

Have you thought about this question?

You need to take control. You're stuck in a rut. I'm not sure what the question is that you're seeking psychiatric advice about, but you need to find the answer. You're looking in the wrong place.

You need to tell people who punish themselves like this that they shouldn't give others the opportunity to hurt them again. You need to choose to reconcile with yourself. Reconcile with your eight-year-old self. Ask the girl if you will forgive him.

If the girl says she doesn't want to forgive, then scold her. Go to a boxing gym to let off steam if you want.

Tell her that you're now an adult and you'll find a way to protect her.

If the girl says she forgives, it means she's ready for you to move on. She can't bear to watch you suffer anymore, and she wants you to be happy.

Good day, my name is Fuchen.

After reviewing your inquiry and the details you provided, I empathize with your situation. It is unfortunate that an incident at such a young age has resulted in feelings of helplessness and shame. It is understandable that you were hesitant to confide in your parents, teachers, or classmates due to the traumatic nature of the event. This experience has likely influenced your ability to form new intimate relationships. I am aware that you have been through a challenging journey.

Fuchen's objective is to convey that your assessment is accurate. It is the flawed human nature that is at fault, not you. You are not tainted; it is the malevolent influence attempting to influence you that is corrupt.

The most effective method for overcoming fear is to confront it directly. Fuchen would like to present a technique for your consideration: Find a quiet space, relax, and engage with a supportive inner voice. At the same time, imagine that there is another self in front of you, the scared, injured self, and slowly identify the thoughts and feelings that the injured self is expressing to the supportive inner voice.

If the "injured you" is expressing feelings of distress, including fear, disgust, and confusion about the situation, the "supportive self" should calmly but firmly reassure the individual that they are seen, heard, and understood. It is essential to convey that these emotions are valid and that the individual is not at fault. It is also important to emphasize that the situation cannot be changed and that the individual will always have support. Regardless of what happens, the individual will never be alone because they will always have the support of the "supportive self."

It is important to accept the fact that the situation has already occurred. Attempt to communicate with the "injured self," provide comfort, and offer support. Fu Shen has experienced a similar situation, and I hope this information is beneficial for you.

I wish you the best of luck and extend my sincerest regards.

Good morning, I was fortunate enough to read your description of the event, which prompted me to reflect on a saying I have encountered: "Happy people use their childhood to heal their whole lives."

The experience in question did not result from any fault of yours, and you have suffered for a considerable number of years as a result. I would like to extend my support and solidarity to you in the form of a warm embrace.

First and foremost, it is imperative to understand that the traumatic experience you endured during your childhood was not your fault. Given your tender age, your ability to resist was severely limited, and the incident occurred in the darkness of night, which only exacerbated your fear. It is crucial to recognize that your actions at that time were not a reflection of your own volition.

As a child, you were powerless to resist, and the perpetrator was in the wrong.

?

Secondly, it is understandable that you did not choose to divulge this information to anyone, given that children of that age are not yet capable of comprehending such matters. As we mature, we gradually gain an understanding of the boundaries between men and women and learn how to safeguard our own wellbeing.

Fortunately, you are now aware of this and are actively cooperating with treatment, which is an exemplary behavior.

At the age of 21, you encountered a gentleman of admirable character and refined demeanor. Despite your initial fondness for him, you were overcome with a sense of unease when he donned a suit that bore a striking resemblance to the attire of the man who had sexually abused you. The striking similarity in attire evoked a profound sense of revulsion within you.

The version of yourself from your childhood that you still remember in your heart. If you were given another chance to revisit that scene from your childhood, what would you say to the younger version of yourself?

It is imperative to convey to her that the situation has reached a conclusion, that she should not succumb to fear, and that she has the capacity to mount a counteroffensive. Furthermore, it is crucial to reassure her that she can rely on your assistance.

It may be challenging to recall such a situation. It is important to acknowledge and accept feelings of discomfort, helplessness, and anxiety that may arise in such circumstances.

The objective of this experience is to facilitate personal growth and development, thereby enabling the ability to assert a firm "no."

It is imperative to achieve a state of inner peace and acceptance. With this state of mind, one can accomplish anything.

In conclusion, the term "leftover women" is a misnomer. I believe that women who have achieved success in their careers are adept at achieving victory in their endeavors.

You have consistently demonstrated integrity, which indicates that you are a benevolent individual. However, benevolence must also possess a certain assertiveness and tenacity. In the present circumstances, you are in a position to defend yourself and your interests.

Prior to initiating a counteraction against another party, it is prudent to consider three fundamental inquiries and engage in introspective reflection.

1. What is the central theme that I wish to convey?

Secondly, it is essential to determine the desired outcome.

3. What arguments can be employed to support the topic and facilitate the achievement of the desired result?

If one is able to answer these three questions, one will be better able to express oneself in a more effective and accurate manner. Best of luck!

Good day, question asker. My name is Evan.

I am pleased to answer your question.

From the questioner's description, it is evident that the questioner was subjected to childhood molestation. During their formative years, the questioner lacked the capacity to cope with this traumatic experience, resulting in a prolonged period of distress. It is crucial to provide the questioner with emotional support and guidance to overcome this challenging past. The questioner's current single status is likely influenced by the lasting impact of past experiences. It is essential to address this issue and facilitate the questioner's journey towards healing and recovery.

There are many unfortunate occurrences in life, particularly when they occur during one's formative years. Due to a lack of knowledge on how to address these issues and a reluctance to discuss them, individuals often find themselves struggling to cope in silence. In light of the questioner's experiences and subsequent decision to remain single, I empathize with the questioner's situation.

It is important to understand that the original poster (OP) is not at fault for this incident. The OP suppressed negative emotions and chose to avoid similar situations to avoid a past traumatic experience. This avoidance has caused the OP to fear approaching boys. It is essential to recognize that the OP and the boy who approached the OP are not at fault. The individual who is at fault is the man who molested the OP.

In light of the nature of the question posed on this platform, I would like to offer the questioner some straightforward advice.

It is not the responsibility of the original poster (OP) to be subjected to any form of molestation.

It is important to understand that the responsibility for being molested does not lie with the question asker. Regardless of any action taken, this fact remains unchanged. In the event of molestation, it is imperative to recognize that the perpetrator is solely accountable. The question asker's actions, attire, or statements cannot be the cause of being molested.

It is important to note that the notion of "you asked for it" is a fallacy. While the OP can certainly take measures to avoid danger, it is erroneous to believe that any action taken will directly result in being molested.

It is often the case that girls are subjected to sexual violence because there is a lack of recognition of their value within society. If there is a commitment to educate men on the importance of respecting women and to eradicate the long-term culture of objectification and discrimination against women, then these issues will gradually begin to change.

It is important to maintain a sense of purpose and direction in life.

It is not uncommon for individuals to have experienced trauma during their formative years, which can have a profound impact on their personal lives and interpersonal interactions in adulthood. The fact that the questioner was subjected to molestation is the responsibility of the perpetrator, and it has resulted in the questioner's inability to engage in typical interactions with men and even the pursuit of a fulfilling life.

Interactions between men and women can be straightforward and straightforward, limited to the scope of a normal friendship.

Given the questioner's negative impression of men in suits, it would be advisable to first state their preferences and inform others of their dislike for men in suits. This approach will facilitate learning more about the opposite sex's thoughts as they navigate getting along with one another.

When meeting someone new for the first time, it is important to be assertive and not feel guilty about declining their advances. If necessary, it is acceptable to be direct and clear about your intentions.

It is important to learn how to protect yourself.

It is important for girls to learn how to protect themselves in unfamiliar situations or when interacting with boys. For example, maintaining a safe distance when interacting with boys is a key aspect of personal safety.

It is advisable to dress in a manner that is appropriate and not overly revealing. It is also recommended to refrain from drinking casually when dining with men and to be mindful of the amount consumed.

There is a wealth of information available online regarding how women can protect themselves. Adherence to these precautions will enhance one's sense of security when engaging in social interactions with men.

It is recommended that you seek professional assistance.

Due to past experiences of molestation, the questioner has had unfavorable interactions with boys, which have had a detrimental impact on the questioner's emotional and mental well-being. It is recommended that the questioner seek the guidance of a professional psychological counselor to assist in addressing these challenges and developing healthy relationships with the opposite sex.

Redirecting negative emotions

It is recommended that the question asker engage in appropriate physical activities such as sports to help mitigate negative emotional feelings. It would be beneficial for the question asker to consider taking self-defense classes for women, which can significantly enhance one's sense of security. Additionally, learning an art or other hobby can be an effective stress management strategy.

If the questioner is not inclined to engage in physical activity or social interaction, they may wish to consider pursuing a hobby that can be done independently. Painting, cooking, woodworking, and other solitary activities can be beneficial if the questioner derives enjoyment from them. By focusing on these interests, it is possible to mitigate the impact of negative emotions on the questioner's daily life.

It is crucial to identify the perpetrator.

If the original poster is willing to do so, she should report the incident to the local police. Even if the police refuse to open a case because it happened in the past, the original poster may seek support from the community for what happened to her. She may also decide whether or not to "expose" the molester.

This is undoubtedly a very courageous act, but it will have a profound effect on the questioner's life. It is therefore not a decision that most people can make lightly. However, even if the questioner does not want to make this public, warning people known to them not to be alone with this person can also help prevent potential molestation.

It is my hope that this response will prove useful to the questioner.

Hello, question asker!

After reading your account, I can especially understand the feeling of "disgust" and shame deep down inside you. Perhaps deep down subconsciously, you have always blamed yourself for not protecting yourself properly. But don't! You did the best you could at the time.

It's so common for women who were violated as children to blame themselves and feel inferior.

They would think to themselves, "I didn't protect myself, but I can do better next time!"

I made the other person feel desire (maybe I hinted at it or seduced him)! So I always blame myself.

The good news is that you can overcome this! While some sexual assaults may cause little or no physical harm, the psychological damage can be huge, often causing lifelong psychological trauma in the victim.

So, I have a suggestion for you:

1. Stop attacking yourself!

In fact, most Chinese people have not received formal sex education, and you were only an eight-year-old child at the time. Imagine that! No one taught you about this, so you didn't know how to refuse, and you didn't even know what was happening. You never would have thought that it was an invasion of your privacy, and the other person used shameless excuses to warm you up.

Now, imagine this: a child is beaten by an older child. The beaten child is powerless to resist and is innocent. There's no blame to be had! Sexual assault is the same. It's an assault by the stronger on the weaker. Whether the assault is carried out by force or by cajoling, it's a deliberate violation of bodily boundaries.

So, the first step towards healing is to stop attacking the part of you that was powerless to protect itself at the time. You were fine, and you're going to be just fine again! It was the person who took advantage of the child's innocence who was to blame.

2. Rational emotional release

It's totally normal that you haven't been intimate for so many years. This incident has affected you a lot, but you can get through it! Try writing in a diary or using the empty chair technique to get everything out. You can also find a professional to help you work through this.

This unfinished event is deeply hidden in one's own subconscious mind and has been affecting oneself. But it doesn't have to be this way! If it is not dealt with, it may never change for the rest of one's life. But you can change it! It is not worth it to make oneself suffer for the rest of one's life because of someone else's mistake.

3. Get the help you need as soon as you can!

The great news is that psychologically-oriented clinical analysis shows that when someone seeks treatment early, the amount of pain and suffering is greatly reduced. This helps to shorten the treatment time and speed up recovery. There are three fantastic therapies that can help you recover from trauma: cognitive processing therapy (CPT), prolonged exposure therapy (PE) and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR).

I can help calm and reassure you!

And the best part is that you can improve your understanding of your own strengths and external resources!

Embrace the chance to start a new life!

Embrace the chance to start a new life!

To wrap up, life is full of surprises! Don't hide in the basement just because you got hit by a flowerpot that fell from upstairs. These things don't define you. Speak up about what happened to you, face it, challenge it, overcome it, and let every scar become a sharp weapon that can bear weight and destroy the wound!

Best of luck!

What happened when you were eight may have caused trauma. This trauma has lasted for more than 30 years. You were molested by a stranger. You may not even know who this person is.

This made you dislike men and fear them. Sex education wasn't common then, so it was easy to encounter things you didn't like.

If someone wants to touch you, think about it first. You were a minor at the time. Some people are bad before they do such a thing. Because it happened, you already feel ashamed.

It's not your fault. You just met a bad person. Others are not like him. Everyone is different. You can see what you really think. Not all guys are bad.

We shouldn't give up on everyone else just because some people are bad. Your past traumatic memories have come back because of a certain color of clothing. It's seen that you are now in your forties, but you are still troubled by the trauma of the past.

You are alone, and childhood trauma can affect a person. You need counseling to deal with past trauma. You are an adult, and you can protect yourself and engage with others. Good luck.

ZQ?