What should I do if a 19-year-old freshman girl always has the urge to jump off a building lately?

I am a 19-year-old female currently in my first year of university.

Let's talk about my family situation first. My parents have five children in total, and I am the third oldest. I have two older sisters and a younger sister and brother. My brother is the youngest.

I have to say that in my parents' minds, the concept of "son preference" is deeply ingrained. They must have a son in order to "carry on the family name" and do the family justice! But these antiquated ideas have really done me a disservice!

Whenever there is something good in the family, my parents will only give it to my younger brother. We girls almost never get anything. Take the New Year's Eve money as an example. Since I was little, it seems that I have never received any New Year's Eve money. Every year, all the New Year's Eve money goes to my younger brother.

I just wonder, am I not their child?

My parents have not given me any living expenses since the start of university last year. I rely on student loans to pay for university. A semester has passed, and I have been living frugally at school, but I am still very unhappy. I feel that university life is completely different from what I had imagined.

The school does not allow students to sleep outside the dormitory on weekends, and if they want to leave school, they must have their parents give the counselor a leave of absence explaining the situation. And I feel that the counselors at the university are completely a profession of "monitoring" students, and every move they make must be known to the counselors!

There are a lot of useless "water courses" offered at university, and I want to sleep through all of them. However, my parents never care about what happens to me at school. Whenever we talk on the phone, all they do is tell me not to spend money recklessly when I'm away from home!

When I went home for the New Year this year, my mother kept asking me if I had any extra student loans and wanted me to give her some! At the time, I had a fight with her about it, and I felt very aggrieved inside. I can't figure out why the heavens have treated me this way, and reincarnated me into this poor family.

My parents are still suffering from life, but they have given birth to so many children, which has made our lives difficult!

Recently, I have been reading a lot of news about how many university graduates are unemployed and unable to find a job. I feel that the old slogan "education changes your fate" is a complete lie!

It's true. How many people don't know the meaning of going to university and just follow the crowd blindly, only to get nothing out of it after a few years!

I suddenly feel that life is meaningless, and I want to end it all by jumping off a building! Nowadays, universities teach almost nothing useful, and 90% of what you learn in university is useless in society.

It is already a tragedy that I came into this world on my own, and in the future I will have to work like a slave for those with money and power, and be their "chopped leek". In my family, I cannot get the love of my parents, and in the future, when I go out into society, I will be the lowest caste. Just thinking about it makes me feel so sad!

I don't want to study anymore, I want to find someone to marry. But who will accept a family like mine?

Can someone tell me what to do?