What should I do if an 18-year-old boy lacks encouragement and affirmation, and is not confident inside?

Hello question asker.

Thank you for trusting me. I was sad to read about your request for help and your experiences.

I'm sorry you had to deal with family changes at a young age. You have always worked hard and never given up. You understand your life and have always worked hard. It is commendable that you were able to maintain a good learning state despite difficult conditions.

Going to university is an important time for self-growth. Despite changes in your family and life challenges, university will help you continue to grow and succeed.

A great psychologist said that your parents decide your first twenty years, but after that, you can decide your own path.

.

Going to university also means you can start a new journey. The difficulties you described can be helped by counseling. There are special counseling agencies on university campuses.

The world and I love you. We will be with you through anything.

.

I wish you the best at university and hope your dreams come true.

...

From your description, it is evident that you are a young boy who has experienced a lack of attachment. Despite your physical age, you still have an inner child who requires emotional nourishment, yet this is not being seen, heard, or understood.

As a psychotherapist, I will provide an insight from a psychological perspective with the aim of offering a more comprehensive understanding of the subject matter.

Firstly, the divorce of your parents resulted in the rupture of family ties, which is a traumatic experience for a child. This trauma remains unhealed inside, which will have an impact on the stability of your future intimate relationships.

Secondly, the absence of your mother and the neglect of your father (who was invested in your academic success and strived to perform well at school) and the care of your grandmother (your primary caregiver). You have consistently sought attention, yet it has been consistently lacking. Admitting this will allow you to address it in a constructive manner in the future.

Third, there is a generation gap in terms of spirituality between Grandma and you. This has resulted in a lack of understanding of your inner world during your formative years. This has the potential to cause you to become emotionally closed off over time. Your personality may become introverted or emotionally detached. Externally, you may be able to appear self-reliant by being independent, diligent, outstanding, and self-disciplined. However, internally, your true self may feel inferior, weak, and helpless.

How should you proceed? There is a postmodern psychological theory that considers trauma and resources simultaneously.

Let us examine your resources.

1. Grandma provides for your basic needs, satisfies your instinctive needs, and nourishes you with her love, enabling you to grow up and become successful. Despite the limitations of the generation gap, she loves her grandson wholeheartedly. I encourage you to experience this love and witness its impact on your life.

2. Your father also has a strong affection for you. He is facing significant challenges outside the home, providing you with the best support he can in his own way. However, he also has limitations. When the marriage ended, he also suppressed his emotions through his career. This means he is unable to provide you with as much emotional support as you might need.

3. The description does not mention your mother, so we will move on to focus on you.

The key to becoming an exemplary university student after overcoming such a challenging situation is to acknowledge your own resilience. Despite external obstacles, you have demonstrated the ability to persevere, suppressing your emotions and choosing to be resilient in the face of loneliness and helplessness. The current challenges in your social relationships can be addressed through self-reflection and communication. Seeking assistance and expressing your needs is a crucial step in addressing these issues. This is the path forward.

If you have not yet had the opportunity to meet a suitable mother figure, or if you are currently without a partner, you may also benefit from the guidance of a professional counselor. With the support of a qualified counselor, you can gradually open yourself up to the guidance of a teacher, allowing you to build a stronger sense of self-worth and confidence.

Please be advised that this process will take time.

The world and I love you, and you need to start loving yourself too. Don't be hard on yourself because we weren't loved in the past. You deserve better, so come on.

Dear ~ First of all, you need to know that you are 18 years old. What does that mean? It means that you have grown into a strong adult with a well-developed mind! But you haven't yet noticed your changes.

Do you remember your childhood? When you were hungry, you couldn't eat your favorite food by yourself; when you were thirsty, you couldn't drink water; when you were cold, you couldn't get your own clothes to wear; and when you were hot, you couldn't find a place with air conditioning to cool down.

You're doing great! You don't need to rely on adults anymore.

What this shows is that you already have the ability to take care of yourself and don't need to rely on others. Similarly, if you think about the strengths you have, you'll see that you've already gone to university independently. In this era of the Internet, you can find out anything you want to know by reading books or searching online. What your teachers tell you is actually clearer and more accurate than what your parents and elders can give you.

You can find out more about yourself, like your strengths, how you rank academically with your peers, and what you're interested in. You can also do in-depth research. The depth of your professional direction will be recognized and affirmed by experts, which is really surprising. You don't have to be better than everyone else to be happy; you'll find happiness in the things you like.

These are things your parents and elders can't give you, and they don't even understand. When you're facing challenges, you can also seek more professional help. For instance, you can visit this professional psychological platform to post questions. It's great that there are so many teachers studying psychology who can provide answers, and they'll definitely offer more guidance than your parents can.

Go for it, kid. You're not just a fledgling anymore. It's time to spread your wings and fly. You'll meet your kindred spirits, people who soar freely in the sky like you.

Dear question author, I am Meng Yixin, a listening coach.

Prior to engaging in teaching and training, I observed that parents often expressed frustration, children experienced challenges, and teachers encountered difficulties. To identify the underlying causes, I conducted research in the fields of family education and psychology, and also gained a preliminary understanding of brain science, kinesiology, behavioral genetics, medicine, Chinese studies, and other related areas.

This provides reassurance to many parents, children, and some working people. I have a modest amount of experience to share with you in the hope of offering some food for thought.

As I am unaware of the specifics of your situation, I am merely speaking from my own past experience. Please do not take this personally. If you are experiencing this, then you should endeavour to change it; if you are not, then you should be encouraged.

Each individual is born with unique characteristics and abilities.

From a genetic perspective, all individuals possess unique strengths. It is a fallacy to assume that anyone is inherently useless. A lack of confidence can be attributed to an inability to identify one's strengths and abilities, which in turn hinders one's ability to excel in a chosen field. Identifying one's competitive edge and pursuing activities that align with one's strengths and abilities is a crucial step in fostering confidence and success.

In terms of behavioral genetics, numerous traits present in our genes have the potential to influence our cognitive processes and personality. An individual's sensitivity and introversion, high level of conformity, limited capacity for self-reflection and self-control, and capacity to adapt their mentality can all impact their self-confidence. There are 11 indicators of intelligence quotient (IQ), and numerous sub-indicators are present in the sections on sports and art. The process of understanding oneself from multiple perspectives, and subsequently enhancing one's self-perception by either emphasizing one's strengths and compensating for one's weaknesses or emphasizing one's strengths and avoiding one's weaknesses, can facilitate this process.

Innate and acquired are dialectical relationships.

The education received by our parents and the environment in which we were raised do have a certain impact on us. However, they do not have a significant influence on our lives once we reach adulthood.

The optimal approach is to accept the awakening and strive to achieve breakthroughs.

It is important to accept oneself as one is, despite any perceived imperfections. It is crucial to recognize that one is already the best version of oneself that they can be.

It is essential to be self-aware and to engage with one's inner self with sincerity and depth. This entails contemplating one's aspirations for the future, the type of individual one aspires to become, and the activities one wishes to pursue.

It is imperative to transcend one's current self. The primary obstacle to progress is fear. The most effective method to overcome fear is to confront it directly.

Innate talent represents a person's upper limit, while acquired talent represents a person's lower limit. It is recommended that individuals identify their strengths based on their innate talent and then work diligently to reach their potential through the development of acquired talent. This approach has the potential to facilitate personal growth and enhance well-being.

The most effective method for modifying an established routine is to cultivate a new one.

In this process, we utilize a future perspective, the goal method. Drucker posited that results are achieved by capitalizing on opportunities, not by solving problems.

This is not about avoiding problem-solving, but rather about identifying the appropriate problems to solve, and whether to approach them actively or passively, with consideration of potential fatigue. It is essential to address the issues that can facilitate positive change.

This line of thinking leads to the conclusion that many problems are not, in fact, problems.

The questioner stated that he lacks confidence. Therefore, the objective is to instill confidence in oneself. Rather than focusing on the reasons for lacking confidence, it is essential to address the problem of how to become confident. This is a crucial aspect that merits reflection.

Wisdom provides solutions to a multitude of problems, while action offers cures for a myriad of ailments.

As previously stated, individuals who view themselves from multiple dimensions, identify their strengths, and engage in activities that align with their interests and abilities tend to become more confident. When individuals allow their talents to shine, they often receive external validation and encouragement, which can further enhance their confidence.

It is important to cultivate oneself both internally and externally. If one can strengthen oneself from within, recognize that people are inherently complete (there are courses for this), and that everyone's life is different and has its own light, then one will not need to envy anyone or look up to anyone. If one cares a great deal about unexpected comments and opinions, then one should consider changing one's environment and social circles, and seek out more positive and confident people. One should take the initiative to observe them and get to know them. One will discover that truly outstanding people know how to praise, appreciate, and be grateful. If one spends a long time around such people and in such circles, one will become like them too.

The duration of the change is contingent upon the intensity of one's focus and actions.

In conclusion, it is prudent to offer a word of advice.

The more a subject is contemplated, the more complex it becomes. Conversely, the more straightforward a subject is kept, the more it can be accomplished. The act of experiencing something, in and of itself, will continuously improve one's decision-making ability, which is an important indicator of self-confidence.

It is my hope that you will implement the following advice in your own life. This is a method that I have found to be effective through experience:

The acquisition of knowledge is contingent upon action.

The concept of "sense in experience" is a fundamental tenet of the aforementioned methodology.

and correct

Furthermore, it is essential to continually enhance the experience, perception, and correction through the lens of the revised self.

The trajectory of one's life will ascend.

It is my contention that any individual who is able to participate in an online consultation has the capacity for resilience and is motivated to seek assistance. With additional effort, life will undoubtedly offer a positive response.

It is recommended that you smile, hold your head high, look up, and give yourself a big thumbs-up.

Affirmations should be directed to oneself.

I have the power to determine the course of my life.

Henceforth, it is recommended that you identify one positive aspect of your daily life to acknowledge and appreciate.

In the event that no such thing can be identified, the creation of one is recommended.

It is not necessary to make significant changes; rather, it is sufficient to maintain the current approach.

One's beliefs will manifest in reality.

I was born in a modest mountainous community.

The family continues to experience economic hardship.

It is about adopting a confident outlook and a future-oriented perspective.

One should endeavor to live with confidence and strength.

It is possible for you to achieve this as well.

I encourage you to persevere.

The text is unintelligible.

Everyone has the potential to be a beacon of light. Whether asking questions or answering them, words can illuminate the hearts of many people, and this is a power that we all possess.

Hello, I am a heart exploration coach, Free Your Mind. I empathize with you. While your parents' marriage is a responsibility they should bear, it has caused you long-term harm.

A person's growth requires not only material satisfaction in terms of food, clothing, housing, and transportation, but also emotional and spiritual nourishment. Unfortunately, the breakdown of your parents' marriage has resulted in a situation where you have been deprived of all of these things.

It is a great blessing that you are now 18 years old and an adult, and that you are now fully capable of obtaining for yourself all that you previously lacked. Let us take a look.

I believe that what you refer to as "emotional deprivation" may actually be a craving for psychological nutrition.

It might be said that psychological nutrition, just like physical nutrition, nourishes our physical and mental health. Perhaps psychological nutrition includes the ability to love, the ability to connect with others, a sense of security, independence, and a sense of self-worth.

These are all things that our parents provide for us during our childhood.

It is worth considering that the unconditional acceptance of us by our parents, their emotional relationship, marital status, companionship, and parenting style may all affect whether our "psychological nutrition" is sufficient.

As you mentioned, you only saw your mother one or two times a year, which may have resulted in a lack of maternal love. From your mother, you learned and received kindness and tolerance. Your father was occupied with his career and restructuring the family, which may have left him with limited time to spend with you and show you affection. He may have also been reserved with his affirmation, praise, and recognition of you. This could have led to a sense of inadequacy in terms of courage and confidence.

Your parents divorced and rarely saw each other, which may have contributed to your lack of security. Your grandmother took care of your daily life, but she was not in a position to provide you with the kind of psychological nourishment that an "important other person" might have done. You have had a challenging journey over the years.

From my perspective, you seem to be a strong and sensible person. It seems that the emotional needs that have not been met have been transformed by you into motivation to learn.

You may find it helpful to read the book Psychological Nutrition, which offers insights into the five energies that can support us in life: the ability to love, the ability to connect with others, a sense of security, independence, and a sense of self-worth.

2. Consider taking the initiative and making choices in your life.

It could be said that eighteen years of age is defined as "adulthood" because at this age, one's outlook on life and values are generally formed, and one also has complete independence and autonomy and relatively mature judgment.

While psychological nutrition is undoubtedly important and often provided by our parents and other significant adults in our lives, it is also possible for us to become our own significant others and provide ourselves with the psychological nourishment we need to grow up healthy, both physically and mentally.

Similarly, the phrase "You should fly to your mountain like a bird" suggests that the author Tara is narrating her own life story. While our origins and parents are beyond our control, and the past is immutable, we do have the capacity to alter our perception of these aspects of our lives.

If I am to be the master of my own life, I can achieve maturity and growth through learning, thereby rewriting the script of my life.

It is important to remember that there is no need to blame yourself or feel sorry for yourself. These experiences you have gone through will, in time, become valuable assets in your future life. For example, you may find that your capacity for compassion has been enhanced by your suffering. When you become a parent, you may find that you cherish your marriage and family even more, and that you are better equipped to give your children true love and protection.

Perhaps what is needed now is some time for self-healing. With the help of what I have learned from the book "Psychological Nutrition," through meditation exercises, free writing, etc., I can maintain good "awareness" and connect with myself.

My dear child, it is truly encouraging to be exposed to psychology at this age. Many prominent figures in the field of psychology began their journey by seeking personal growth and transformation, and later extended their efforts to assist others, as exemplified by the work of Hu Shenzhi.

I hope the above is helpful to you, and I hope it helps the world too. I love you.

If you would like to continue the conversation, you are welcome to click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Thank you for asking. I am Coffee.

From what you have told me, it seems that you are in a relatively good material situation. This could be seen as an advantage.

Fortunately, you don't have to worry about basic necessities like clothing, food, housing, and transportation. Many people face challenges not only in their family relationships but also in other areas of life, which can be even more stressful.

So you don't have to worry about your current life, and you still have a relatively good material environment.

I believe I can understand your emotional needs, given that your parents divorced when you were young and you have very little interaction with your father. I understand that you only see your mother once or twice a year.

And it seems that you don't have much in common with your grandmother. Perhaps you have been learning and living alone at home, which must have been a challenging experience.

At the same time, you mentioned something that really resonated with me. You wanted to apply for a bank card, but your father wasn't able to go with you.

It seems that you used the credit card for quite some time. I imagine that this incident has probably had a significant impact on you.

You brought this up on your own, and I sense that you may have already placed some blame on your father in your mind. It seems that your father may have made a mistake, and that he could perhaps improve his emotional communication with you.

From what you've shared, it seems that your father was often occupied with his business, which meant he didn't have much time to come home. This may have led to a longing for your parents' company from a young age.

I imagine you may have wished for a different life, one where you could be like other people's children, with a happy family life and the chance to share your feelings.

While this is an inner longing, it seems to lack the companionship and encouragement of love. However, I see and hear that your grades are still very good, and I believe you should have been accepted to university.

Given the circumstances, your success is a testament to your remarkable self-discipline and motivation. It demonstrates your ability to control and master yourself, which is a valuable quality. As you continue to grow and develop, this strength will serve you well.

Regardless of the circumstances, you have worked hard to get to university, yet you still feel a lack of care and love from your parents and a lack of warmth within your family. This is an emotion that you will likely carry with you forever. Then, the past is in the past. No matter how painful the hurt is, these things have already happened in your real life.

Perhaps we could consider what kind of life we would like to have in the future. Do we want to continue living in a world that is lacking in love?

I'm not suggesting that you express gratitude to your parents in exchange for their love and care. I believe you may be holding some resentment towards them.

How might we go about getting love and encouragement now? How could we make love, warmth, support, and a sense of security a part of our own lives?

It is not necessary to forgive our parents for the harm they have caused us. However, we can learn to reconcile with the past and with our parents and ourselves.

If we allow our thoughts to dwell on these hurts, we may inadvertently become imprisoned by them.

Every day, we experience the pain anew. Every day, we blame our parents. Every day, our parents dwell on their unfortunate circumstances like prisoners. For the sake of our own happiness, we must learn to let go.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider ways of gaining the love, care, and encouragement of others in the outside world. How might you start your own little family and live a happy life?

I believe that the influence of the original family is significant. Our experiences growing up as children play a role in shaping our current personalities and temperaments, and may also influence the nature of our future families.

Perhaps you can begin to imagine what kind of parent you might want to be, and what kind of relationship you might want to have as a couple, should you have a family of your own in the future.

How would you like to treat your children? What kind of life do you imagine for yourself in the future?

While we may not be able to forget the past, we can choose to learn from it and move forward.

It might be helpful to consider what kind of life you would like to live in the future and then work towards that goal. It is not for me to say whether your parents or your family relationships will be harmonious and full of warmth in the future.

I believe that your life is in your hands, and the future of your family is shaped by your choices, learning, and growth. I encourage you to love yourself fully, live your truth, and find a partner who truly cares for and loves you.

I would like to express my love for the world and for you.

Dear Sir/Madam, I hope my answer will be of some assistance to you.

It is important to recognize that while past experiences are not easily changeable, our attitudes towards them and our overall thinking patterns can be modified. The key is to understand that our thoughts and perspectives can be altered from a negative to a positive stance.

I recommend the book Life Reconstruction by the author. In her early years, she also lacked love and emotional support. However, through self-affirmation exercises, various psychological growth and counseling, she became a person full of inner peace. You can learn from her many methods, practice them daily, learn to affirm yourself, transform negative thinking patterns into positive ones, and learn to be someone who can support themselves.

In light of the above, I would like to offer the following advice:

It is important to learn and practice accepting yourself.

Self-acceptance is a skill that requires practice. It is not sufficient to simply acknowledge the need for self-acceptance; one must actively work to develop this ability. Additionally, individuals may carry a multitude of negative self-perceptions due to their upbringing. To achieve greater peace of mind, it is essential to engage in a comprehensive program of self-acceptance exercises.

Please find below two exercises that you can perform on a daily basis to achieve this goal.

The mirror exercise is as follows:

When viewing your reflection in the morning and evening, direct your attention to your eyes. Do not concern yourself with wrinkles, moles, or freckles.

Conduct an internal reflection by looking into your eyes with the intention of looking deep within yourself. Affirm to yourself, "I approve of myself." Then, look even deeper within yourself, recognizing that you have a wealth of life experience and insights.

It is important to recognize that nobody is perfect, and that we all make mistakes. It is essential to be kind to yourself, and to recognize that you are a flawed human being who tries hard and loves.

Affirm to yourself that you are a good person. You are who you are, and you have always striven to do your best.

You are a distinctive individual. Despite your imperfections, I accept you.

"

The "Accepted and Cared for" Visualization Exercise

Please close your eyes and imagine someone you respect, an animal, or a spiritual figure who can provide you with love, care, and acceptance. See yourself from their perspective.

You may select a figure imbued with love, such as Buddha, Guanyin, your grandparents, a teacher, or your first pet. Envision them regarding you with affection and addressing you with compassion.

Imagine them offering you warmth, love, and compassion, even an embrace. Adopt their perspective and treat yourself accordingly.

Take a moment to breathe deeply and feel your inner self. Remember this feeling of being cared for.

2. Identify your strengths and affirm your value.

The reason we feel inferior is because we consistently identify our shortcomings while failing to recognize or acknowledge our strengths. This tendency is shaped by our growth experiences, which have instilled habits and ways of thinking that influence our perception.

Going forward, it is essential that we proactively identify our strengths and affirm our value. To assist you in this process, we have two methods to help you recognize your strengths and value:

It is recommended that you record your strengths on a daily basis.

It is recommended that you record your strengths on a daily basis. From today onwards, you should write down one of your strengths each day, affirm your own value, and identify your strengths. This will enable you to discover your strengths. It is also advised that you focus on playing to your strengths, as this will make you more confident than correcting your weaknesses.

I discovered my four particularly obvious strengths through introspection and analysis: perseverance, a love of learning, a talent for writing, and optimism. When I combined these strengths, I realized I could leverage them to achieve a variety of objectives, including reading daily, writing daily, and answering questions daily.

This is the result of leveraging my strengths. You can see from my published articles on the Yi Xinli platform and my 600+ days of answering questions that I have been using my strengths.

Verbal self-affirmation is a powerful tool for fostering confidence and self-assurance.

You can set a daily reminder to yourself in the mirror to reinforce positive self-belief, self-worth, responsibility, and capability.

Verbal affirmation encourages individuals to focus on their strengths and values, which is crucial for confidence. This is an example of the power of positive mental suggestion.

Verbal affirmation encourages individuals to focus on their strengths and values, which is an essential element in fostering confidence. This is an example of the power of positive mental suggestion.

3. Create successful experiences and foster self-confidence.

It is not always easy to gain confidence without tangible evidence of success. Instead, it is more effective to gain experience and a sense of accomplishment through achieving goals.

It is not productive to compare oneself with others who may appear to be more successful or capable. It is important to recognize that while someone may excel in certain areas, they may also have limitations. Instead of focusing on others' strengths and weaknesses, it is more beneficial to focus on personal growth and development.

When an individual applies themselves assiduously to attain their aspirations and progresses steadily towards their optimal self, their mental state will concomitantly improve.

However, it is not feasible to achieve all of our goals in a single step. Instead, we must divide our ideals into smaller, more attainable goals that we can accomplish on a daily basis.

As an example, my objective is to become a qualified psychological counselor. I have divided this objective into ten years to complete. The first three years are to learn all the theoretical basic knowledge, which is implemented every day by reading a certain number of pages and listening to a certain number of lectures. The next three years are to practice, including listening to a certain number of lectures every day, personal experience every week, supervision and learning, etc. The next three or four years are to study one or two schools in depth, which is also implemented every day by taking courses, etc. In this way, you will find that every day's small goals can be achieved through your own efforts. Every day is adding bricks and mortar to your ultimate objective. I will not take these things I do every day for granted. I will give myself positive feedback every day, check off my goal list, and affirm my efforts and dedication.

Upon completion of each phase, a larger reward will be given to encourage continued progress.

This approach will help you to move forward with enthusiasm and experience a sense of accomplishment, rather than feeling frustrated.

I hope this information is useful to you. Best regards,

Hello, question asker. I can see you're feeling confused, and I'm here to help!

You're going through a lot right now. Please accept my condolences.

Your current issues largely stem from your family of origin.

You grew up with divorced parents and were raised by your father.

Then, your father doesn't really recognize your hard work in school.

So, over time, you'll probably end up feeling less confident.

So, how do you build your self-confidence?

It really is quite simple.

The first thing you should do is write down three good things every day.

It doesn't matter if it's big or small, just record it all in your diary.

The second thing you can do is to say "I am the best" three times into the mirror every morning when you get up.

Make sure you give yourself some positive suggestions every day.

You might also want to consider reading more books on psychology when you have the chance.

I started reading more psychology books than two years ago and noticed a big change in myself.

Studying psychology has really helped me to build my confidence.

I also want to tell the questioner that it wasn't her fault when her parents divorced when she was young. It had nothing to do with her.

I really hope you can resolve the issue you're facing soon.

That's all I can think of at the moment.

I hope my answer is helpful and inspiring to you. I'm the respondent, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and wish you the best!

Hello, Erhu feels for you. You want your father or grandmother to support you and be confident.

Let's start with how to gain confidence.

Do you feel inferior when you see someone at university who is better than you? How do you feel when you see someone who is not as good as you in a certain area? Do you feel superior, or do you not even notice them?

Erhu has met people like you before. They feel bad when they meet people who are better than them. But strangely, when they meet people who are worse off than them, they act as if they haven't noticed.

Everyone has strengths.

This is a fact. We all have different upbringings and interests, which shape our strengths.

Write down your strengths. It doesn't have to be something that makes you number one. Just as long as you're better than 50% of the people around you in that area, it's a strength. Write them down.

2: All your strengths are worth being valued.

You may think it's no big deal, but Erhu wants you to know that every advantage is worth being valued. It will become a strength that people talk about.

Erhu once read a story about a female college student who started her own business. She had a better sense of fashion and knew how to dress better than others. She started a clothing store and made tens of thousands of dollars a month.

Erhu said that this example doesn't mean you have to start a business. It just wants to tell you that you should never underestimate your strengths. Whatever they are, they could help you succeed or be praised.

3: If your family doesn't praise you, who will?

Everyone has been praised at some point, but some people ignore it, while others think it's just polite.

Erhu hopes you won't ignore praise, but keep it in your heart. Over time, you won't feel inferior or desperate.

Hello!

From what you said, it's clear you feel inferior and lack confidence. Your family of origin's indifference has led to a strong sense of inferiority. I understand how you feel, and I'm here to support you.

All environments influence us. Your parents did not give you the care and affirmation you needed to establish a healthy psychological state.

You can be confident. You may lack affirmation from others, but you can affirm yourself. Sometimes we live only for ourselves. Caring too much about other people's opinions will only make us fall into their world. We must see what our own world is like and take action to change it. You can improve your sense of inner stability and security, give yourself confidence, and through positive mental suggestions, stop letting other people's opinions negate you. You can live the life that belongs to you. See what needs to be done in the present and complete it. Set a goal and move towards it. You can have a confident self and accomplish what you want.

Hello, I'm Jiang 61.

First of all, thank you for being honest and willing to tell us about your own things. I want to boost your confidence, so what should I do? It's clear from your life experience that after your parents divorced, you didn't get the love, encouragement, or affirmation you needed. This has led to a lack of confidence and a lot of frustration and sadness. I understand how you feel right now, so let me give you a hug first.

It's tough being a kid. You want to build your self-confidence, and I'm all for it.

Let's look at some ways you can improve yourself.

1. Problems in divorced families

1. Lack of

Love is a big issue for you.

When you were six, your parents divorced and you ended up living with your dad. You saw your mom once or twice a year. Your dad was at the top of his game at the time, so you've been living with your grandma ever since.

From what you've shared, it's clear that you craved parental love at every stage of your development. Unfortunately, your parents didn't provide that, which has left you feeling adrift.

This lack of love will also affect your future romantic relationships and family life. You may not know how to express or receive love.

It's about being there for each other and communicating.

When my parents divorced, I went back to live with my dad for a while, but then he remarried, so I never went back again. When I was growing up, my dad was like an ATM for me—he gave me money but didn't offer much else.

You say your dad sees you as an ATM. You think he thinks love and money are one and the same, and that being happy with money is the same as being happy with love. You want more than that. You want the care, companionship, and communication you could get from your parents.

If you don't have companionship and communication, you're likely to experience social anxiety and lack confidence when entering society.

Affirmation and encouragement are key.

I didn't get a lot of affirmation growing up. My dad used to tell me when I was in primary school that if I didn't study hard, I'd have to go back to the countryside and herd goats. When I got good grades, he never commented on them, but he'd just tell me to keep up the good work and not become arrogant.

Grandma and I have a big age gap, and we don't talk much. It's not an exaggeration to say that she's like a nanny to me.

Your father often used the words "If you don't study hard, you'll be herding cows in the countryside" to motivate you to study hard. This kind of negative encouragement implies a threat to you.

When you get good grades, your father just says to keep up the good work and not to be proud. You don't hear encouraging words.

They don't see your efforts. In fact, that's what you want most—to be seen and get positive encouragement.

Even if you do something right, you don't get any encouragement or support, which makes you doubt your own success. These actions of theirs cause your confidence to run out during the growth stage, and gradually you become inferior.

2. Problems

Lack of self-confidence

Whenever I see someone at university who is better than me, I feel like I'm not up to par. I often feel discouraged.

The ages of 12 to 18 are a time when kids are going through puberty. It's a critical period for developing relationships with others, as well as a period of rapid growth and maturity of thought. During these stages, it's important for kids to get their father's affirmation of their actions and communication with him.

On top of that, this stage is when you start to take your dad's example and copy his style of behaviour. Without your dad's approval and praise, and without a role model, you have no direction in which to work. You don't know right from wrong, you don't know how to socialise, you don't have any hobbies, etc. During this period, you don't get any exercise and the gap with others widens.

Once you get to university, you can end up feeling like you don't have anything to offer and like you don't know what you're doing.

Lack of self-knowledge

If you don't get any encouragement from others, you'll never know whether what you're doing is right or wrong. This makes you feel insecure. At the same time, you're focusing on what's wrong with you and putting yourself down, even though you don't know what your strengths are.

Put simply, you don't know who you really are. You're making things difficult for yourself.

2. Your best qualities

From what you've shared, I can see many great qualities in you.

1. You have strong self-control.

While others need their parents to help them study, you relied on your own strength to complete your studies and you did very well. Although the road to adulthood was difficult, you made it, which shows that you have stronger willpower, self-control, and self-discipline than others.

2. You're very independent.

From age 6 to 18, you didn't have your parents or grandmother to lean on. You had to fend for yourself, and you did just fine. You can complete your studies and work on your own, even if you don't have anyone to do things with in the future. It's a confidence thing.

3. Problem-solving skills

Despite getting top grades, my parents never went to any parent-teacher meetings. They never spent any time with me, except when it came to my studies. They even refused to go with me to apply for a bank card before I went to university (as a minor, I needed an ID from an adult to apply for one). In the end, I used the student loan card from high school until I became an adult and could apply for one on my own.

From this passage, I can see that as you grew up, you had a lot of complaints about the lack of parental companionship. I can also see your ability to deal with problems.

You knew that using your high school student loan card instead of a bank card would solve the problem. Your father's actions might have seemed a bit unreasonable at the time, but he also gave you an opportunity to exercise your problem-solving skills and showed you that there is a solution to everything. There is no road that is impossible to cross, and all roads lead to Rome.

4. You're strong on the inside.

You've grown up in a situation where you felt unloved, misunderstood, and undervalued. This shows that you have an incredibly strong inner self and a resilience that nothing can shake.

All these positive qualities are really valuable and help you build your self-confidence. You already have them, and you should be proud of them.

Next, we'll talk about self-growth.

You want to grow up to become your true self, and you need to build a stronger inner self. First, you need to accept yourself; then you need to see yourself; then you need to motivate yourself; then you need to achieve, grow, and love yourself and others, and help others to help themselves.

1. Self-acceptance

Self-acceptance is about having a positive attitude towards yourself and all of your characteristics. Put simply, it's about accepting who you really are.

There are two meanings to self-acceptance.

The first is to recognize and accept the positive value of your body, abilities, character, etc. This doesn't mean you can't be proud of your achievements, but you shouldn't be proud of your own merits or specialties.

The second is to be able to face and accept all aspects of reality without feeling inferior because of shortcomings or mistakes. Self-acceptance is an important factor in psychological health.

So, be tolerant of everything about yourself, accept the real you, both your strengths and your weaknesses. That's who you are now, so accept him, and don't feel inferior or proud of who you are now. This is the first step in your self-growth and self-acceptance.

2. See yourself as you really are.

Look for the good in yourself. You have more self-control, strength, independence, ability to survive, and problem-solving skills than many children your age. You're naturally better than them, and this will be an advantage for you in the future.

Take a look at what you've achieved so far, learn from the positive and progressive results, and also from the side of you that is unwilling to lose, stubborn, and tolerant. These are all things that will stand you in good stead in the future.

Identify your strengths, leverage them to achieve your goals, and give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back.

3. Self-motivation

Your parents gave you life, but they couldn't give you perfect parenting, so you lack the love, encouragement, and affirmation that would give you strength. You feel sad. Change your way of thinking. That is the best gift your parents gave you. If you didn't lack them, you wouldn't have the opportunity to motivate and grow yourself today, and you wouldn't be able to truly be yourself.

So, when the chance comes along, grab it and believe in your ability to become the person you want to be.

Here are some self-motivation methods:

Give yourself a little encouragement.

Once you've achieved your goals, treat yourself! This could be anything from a nice meal out to a shopping trip with a friend, a trip away, or even reading your favourite book. Just make sure it makes you feel happy and relaxed.

These rewards are a great way to encourage yourself and boost your sense of self-efficacy. Self-motivation and self-encouragement are especially important when you're facing a challenging situation.

These rewards are a great way to encourage yourself and boost your confidence. Self-motivation and self-encouragement are especially important when you're facing a challenge.

Focus on the positive aspects of things.

Look for the good in life. For example, the support you get from your classmates, the help you get from your teachers, and your own small daily progress and changes.

Let these positive behaviors encourage you and see the beauty in life.

Keep a positive outlook. There's no such thing as a perfect situation, and anything that makes you unhappy could be something you work on in the future.

Keep a positive outlook. Nobody's perfect, and anything that makes you unhappy could be something you work on in the future.

4. Self-achievement and self-growth

Self-achievement is a key step towards self-confidence and determination. The efforts you make and the process you go through will affect the value of your life in the future, and it will determine your future attitude towards life, your degree of freedom, and the richness of your soul. Self-achievement includes:

Do what you like and are good at.

Before you make a decision, you need to understand what you like and what you're good at. Only by choosing to do the things you like and are good at will you be passionate about doing them and do them better.

At the end of the day, it's not about picking something you like and are good at. It's about making your work something you like and excel at.

Keep learning in different ways.

It doesn't matter where you are, you should always be open to learning. Make the most of the resources around you to expand your knowledge and improve yourself, and you'll be more likely to succeed.

Think in new ways and be open to change.

For the same tasks you do every day, don't be afraid to think outside the box. Learn to innovate and consider doing the same thing in a different way. You'll be surprised at what you can achieve.

When you're determined to do something, go for it.

If you're convinced that something is something you should and worth doing, just do it. Unless you're really wrong, choose to give up, even if other people think you shouldn't.

Your success depends on how persistent you are and whether you're willing to follow the crowd.

If you keep at it, success is inevitable. And confidence will come with it. When you succeed, you'll feel the joy and happiness of self-achievement and self-growth.

5. Love yourself and others, and help them help themselves.

Wang Anshi also said that people who love themselves are kind and can love others.

Love yourself and think long-term.

Self-love is about understanding your own needs and then looking for long-term benefits for yourself. The things you do are to make yourself better and better every day. Only when you are better will you be able to love others, including partners, parents, children, siblings, and other people.

To achieve your goals, you need to start by helping others achieve theirs. As the saying goes, "helping others helps yourself." When you help others succeed, you're also setting yourself up for success.

Helping others also means you'll learn a lot, gain new skills, and improve in all areas. It's a win-win. So, don't neglect helping others and helping yourself.

Building self-confidence is a process that requires learning and experience. It's not something you can achieve overnight. But if you have confidence and are willing to persevere, your self-confidence will come naturally.

I hope you make good progress in your studies!

I observed your confessions and perceived your distress. I offer you a substantial embrace. In the case of divorced parents, residing with your grandmother from an early age signifies a dearth of parental involvement as crucial nurturers and a paucity of timely love and affirmation. Emotionally, you will undoubtedly experience a profound sense of loss. Nevertheless, you are 18 years of age and an adult, and you possess the capacity to alter the prevailing circumstances through your own endeavors. Let us investigate this matter collectively.

1. Cultivate self-confidence and integrate it into your daily routine.

It is not uncommon to experience feelings of inferiority. On occasion, a modest degree of self-affirmation and self-deception can prove an effective means of enhancing one's confidence.

As an illustration, one may choose to commence each day by addressing oneself in the mirror with the affirmation, "I am excellent, self-assured, and capable," and then encouraging oneself with a smile and positive reinforcement.

Subsequently, on a daily basis, record three minor events in your journal that elicit positive emotions or that you have accomplished independently. With the passage of time, you will observe a gradual enhancement in your psychological state.

2. Identify your strengths and develop confidence in your abilities.

It is important to identify one's strengths, engage in activities that bring about happiness, and develop confidence in one's abilities.

3. It is recommended that individuals attempt to form romantic attachments at an appropriate age.

Following completion of one's studies at the university level, it may be beneficial to pursue a romantic relationship. The admiration and love received from a partner can serve to enhance one's confidence. Furthermore, the process of falling in love can help to offset some of the challenges experienced during one's upbringing. With time, these positive changes will become evident.

4. It is recommended that the reader peruse biographies of celebrities.

It is evident that numerous celebrated figures did not necessarily experience a blissful upbringing. Instead, they dedicated their lives to introspection and self-healing. By perusing their biographies, one can derive inspiration and strength. For instance, Adler, the pioneer of individual psychology, endured a childhood marked by physical weakness and a sense of inferiority compared to his siblings. However, he eventually overcame these challenges and went on to author the seminal work "Inferiority and Transcendence." There are numerous other individuals who have overcome similar obstacles and can serve as sources of guidance and insight.

The aforementioned information is provided for your reference. Your gratitude is appreciated.