What should I do if I can't extricate myself from the regret after a cesarean section?

Hello. From your description, it is clear that you are experiencing a conflict, pain, and helplessness.

As a hospital counselor, I'm going to share my understanding from a psychological perspective.

You are anxious about how you will give birth, whether it will be a natural birth or a caesarean. This is your anxious personality pattern. In an uncertain state, you make subjective assumptions and speculate according to your own ideas. You need to recognize that the anxiety this causes is something you cannot handle.

As a new mother, you may not yet feel the joy of motherhood inside you. You may also feel anxious and unsure. You may even regret your choice and think you have been making the wrong decisions.

How do you deal with it?

As a mother, your first priority is to ensure your child's safety. When your child is ready and the doctor advises a caesarean section after an uncomplicated birth, you will do it to keep you and your child safe. Your body will be in pain, but that is the price you pay for being a mother. What about your pain when you observe your baby?

You understand that your birthday is your mother's suffering day, and you accept it.

Second, you will experience contractions, whether you give birth naturally or via caesarean section. This is all part of the process, and breastfeeding your child will help your body and mind to recover. Seeing your baby and knowing that everything went well is the best kind of healing.

Third, it is easy to become depressed and anxious after giving birth. This is a role reversal, from a woman to a mother, and there is still a lot of the unknown. You must express your feelings more, like your husband, your mother or mother-in-law, and seek support. You also need to interact with your child and grow together with your child through learning. This can also alleviate your anxiety and help you experience the continuation of life and how it feels. You must experience and perceive slowly.

Congratulations on becoming a mother! It's a bittersweet experience, but it's also one of the most joyous moments in life. Wounds take time to heal, and you can talk about them with your best friends or other people. Talking about yourself in the mother's group and paying attention to your baby are also ways of growing up. The world and I love you, and you need to learn to love yourself before you can love your baby. You can do it!

Hello, my name is Gu Daoxi, but you can call me Fengshou Skinny Donkey.

I totally get where the original poster is coming from. I gave birth naturally, and it was pretty painful. At the time, I was thinking about getting an anaesthetic, but after the doctor told me about the risks and asked me to sign the consent form, I started to worry that it would affect the health of the child. So I gave birth without anaesthesia, awake and in pain, and later had the stitches without anaesthesia.

After I gave birth, the doctor met me in the elevator and told me something really reassuring. He said that the anesthesia won't affect the health of the child and that it will feel like "a white pain."

There's no such thing as a perfect choice, and every choice comes with some risk. When it came to the original poster's decision, there were a few things to consider: 1. The doctor said that the baby had a large abdominal circumference and there was a risk of shoulder dystocia; 2. I was worried that a natural birth would be painful; 3. I had seen cases of dystocia and was afraid of it. It was a choice made with a lot of thought and consideration, and it was a decision that involved taking a calculated risk.

It's always good to think about what might have happened if you'd gone for a natural birth and found yourself in the same situation.

Life is precious, and it only comes once. The original poster made the choice to give birth by cesarean section, which unfortunately left her with lifelong pregnancy scars. But, by eliminating your worries and possible risks, it is actually the least risky option. Although the chance of a difficult birth is relatively small, if it really happens to you, it is 100%. I completely agree with the original poster that it's not worth the risk.

I totally get why the original poster feels remorse about having a C-section. It's so hard to go through the recovery process with a wound that hurts and a scar that's there to remind you of the surgery. And let's not forget about the aftereffects of vaginal birth, like a loose vagina and enlarged hips.

Every choice has its pros and cons. The decision you made at the time was based on your best thinking at the time, so you might as well try to persuade yourself to accept it. And modern medical technology is so advanced that there is a chance to remove scars.

It's totally normal to feel a bit down after having a baby. It's a lot to take on, and it's natural to feel a range of emotions. If you're feeling overwhelmed, it can really help to talk to your family. They're there for you, and sharing your feelings can help you feel supported.

It might also help to chat with the dad about how he can help out with the little one, so you can relax a little more.

Your family was right there with you, supporting your decision to have a C-section and helping you find the best team. They love you so much and believe that the scar from your C-section is a sign of your hard work. Your husband will only feel pain and be grateful for your efforts. You are loved!

Wishing you all the best!

Good day. I appreciate your situation.

The emotion of regret largely depends on the consequences of a given choice. In this case, the regret stems from the belief that a cesarean section resulted in a less optimal outcome. It is assumed that a natural childbirth would have resulted in less pain and fewer side effects.

It is important to note that regardless of the method chosen, the risks can only be controlled, not completely avoided. Additionally, a side incision may be necessary if you opt for a natural birth, which could potentially lead to complications such as body pain, urinary leakage, and sexual dysfunction. It is not guaranteed that your situation will be better if you choose to give birth naturally.

From a results-oriented perspective, there is no cause for regret in selecting either method. Both approaches entail inherent risks, and the outcome is inherently uncertain. As long as the mother and child are safe, that is a favorable outcome.

It is not uncommon for women to experience a degree of apprehension regarding childbirth. However, you have demonstrated resilience by overcoming this challenge. It is now time to focus on the future.

Your primary concerns at this time are pain and uterine scarring. It is important to understand that the recovery process for these issues will require a certain amount of time. It is advisable to take steps to distract yourself from these concerns and to allow the medical team to manage the situation. You may wish to inquire with your doctor about available pain management options.

Uterine scars can be removed with advanced technology if desired. You may inquire with the doctor about available treatments or consult with other mothers who have previously given birth to learn about their experiences.

The fact is that the event has already occurred. Therefore, we must look forward. It is possible that you may regret your decision to have a natural birth. It should be noted that childbirth is a challenging and risky process.

It is possible that you are still in a state of emotional instability and unable to relax because you gave birth not long ago. It is likely that after a few months, when your body has returned to normal, you will no longer feel any regret or fear. Therefore, your top priority now is to rest well and recover your health.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm modest and unassuming.

♥ Accept the past.

I've been there, so I understand your questions. The scar is always there. I understand your feelings about natural childbirth or a C-section.

Dear questioner, We hope our child is healthy, no matter if we have a natural birth or a C-section. We can't change what has happened, but we can make the ending as good as possible and let our bodies recover better.

Rest is important after childbirth. It helps our body recover. The scars on our stomach and other scars will heal better if we rest and take nutrients. Trust your body.

♥It's okay to regret.

No one can really empathize with us when it comes to giving birth because everyone's different. After going through childbirth, we understand our parents better and will love ourselves better.

Maybe most mothers who have had a C-section will think the same. If they had tried harder and stuck with it, would it have been better if they had given birth vaginally? It's mainly because we focus on giving birth vaginally or having a C-section. It's enough to change our focus.

The baby is trying to perceive the world. It looks different at different stages. Look for the wonders of life in the baby. You will find surprises in life. The present seems real.

Dear questioner,

You wanted to give birth naturally because you thought a C-section was harmful. It was your first pregnancy, so you were anxious.

The doctor said the baby's size posed a risk of shoulder dystocia and agreed to perform a C-section. After the operation, it wasn't as pain-free as you might think. The incision hurt, the contractions hurt, and you felt sad about having seven or eight layers of scars in your belly.

Shoulder dystocia is rare. If you insist on a natural birth, it should be fine.

I was also born by C-section. Eighteen years ago, I gave birth for the first time and was just as nervous and scared as you are. I studied medicine and watched a video about the process of giving birth.

All the girls were scared and decided never to have children. I was scared too.

The midwife was scared watching the birth video. I chose the same C-section, but was afraid of natural birth.

You regret not choosing natural childbirth.

A colleague of mine tried natural childbirth because it was a good option. She was in so much pain that she couldn't sleep all night, and she didn't give birth either. The next morning, the doctor chose to perform a C-section.

She said that the contractions were so painful that it was hard to bear. So, just because you choose to give birth naturally doesn't mean that you will be able to do so without any problems. It is also possible that you will be halfway through giving birth naturally when the doctor sees that it is too difficult and that it would be bad if the baby were to suffer from lack of oxygen, and so you will be asked to undergo a C-section.

A C-section and a natural birth both cause injuries. A natural birth causes an irregular wound with bacteria, and it is difficult for sutures not to become scars.

A cesarean section incision is small and neat with a small scar. It does not affect future births.

After giving birth, the hormones in our bodies can make us feel depressed. Raising a child is tiring, and breastfeeding and uterine contractions are painful. This period is difficult, and we often think about sad things.

When you feel sad, you can do yoga, meditate, or talk to your loved ones and friends. You can also find a listener or a counselor here.

Becoming a mother is a big deal. We want our kids to be healthy and happy.

I love you, and I hope you and your children are happy and healthy.

Good day.

Given your recent experience of childbirth, I empathise with the anxiety and emotions you have been experiencing throughout your pregnancy and now in the postpartum period. I understand that you have chosen to have a caesarean section, which has led to feelings of deep self-blame and regret. I admire your courage in facing these challenges. Let's work together to analyse these emotions.

1. Regarding pregnancy and postpartum anxiety: As a new mother, it is natural to experience fear from the early stages of pregnancy. On the one hand, there is concern about the health of the baby. On the other hand, there is concern about the health of the mother's body. Hormonal changes and the fear of the uncertainties of the arrival of a new life can contribute to feelings of anxiety and regret. It is important to note that these feelings are normal and acceptable. After giving birth, hormones drop rapidly, which can impact the mother's state of mind. This impact begins with the mother worrying about changes in her body and experiencing various anxieties. Therefore, giving birth is a natural and positive experience.

2: The right to choose the method of childbirth. You have reconsidered your decision to have a C-section, concerned that it may result in a permanent scar and regret your choice.

There are two main issues to consider. The first is that regret is not typically associated with the caesarean section itself, but rather with the physical damage caused by childbirth. The second is that regret is often expressed about losing control after childbirth, or about the situation becoming uncontrollable due to the caesarean section. However, it is important to examine whether these feelings are directly related to the caesarean section or natural childbirth.

I believe you already have the answer in mind. Let's revisit it. The risk of a natural birth is also significant, and the rehabilitation and healthcare after a natural birth is equally important. The reality is that we are concerned and fearful about our own state after giving birth. Regardless of the method chosen to give birth, it is our right, and we should not feel guilty to anyone because we are mothers, but still ourselves.

3: Postpartum anxiety and depression. I can see that you have been concerned about the changes in your body during pregnancy, the changes in your weight, and you have been seeing things online that have caused you distress. I have been in this state after giving birth. I empathise with you. For new mothers, it is really not easy. Giving birth is a matter that affects our psychology and physiology. Be prepared for it. After giving birth, you worry about your body going out of shape, or your body changing shape, or leaving scars. This is all a fear of your own after giving birth.

Hormonal changes can have a significant impact during this period. However, with time, you will likely experience a gradual adjustment.

Finally, I would like to reassure you that it is perfectly normal for new mothers to experience anxiety about their children's health and their own postpartum bodies. There is no need to be overly critical of yourself. Instead, embrace your true self and love every hair and inch of your skin. I hope my answer has been helpful to you.

Good day. To whom it may concern,

From your inquiry, it is evident that you are currently experiencing significant regret regarding your decision to undergo a caesarean section delivery. It is possible that the physical discomfort you endured during the procedure, which you found to be unbearable, has led you to regret not opting for a natural delivery. I empathize with your current sentiments of regret.

It may be that we have never given birth before, so we have this kind of choice, thinking that a caesarean section will be less painful. However, from a physiological perspective, if the dosage of the anaesthetic is relatively high, then the pain level may be quite high. Therefore, it is reasonable to conclude that the pain of the caesarean section should be a little more advanced than that of a natural birth. I am aware that this may cause further distress. Nevertheless, I feel obliged to inform you that even if you choose a natural birth, you may also regret not choosing a caesarean section, because we have never experienced such pain, so we don't know which option is better.

How to resolve the issue:

[1] Accept your current emotions.

I understand that you are experiencing regret and pain at this time. However, it is important to recognize that this is a common experience among women. The ability to accept and process emotions is a crucial aspect of motherhood. It is essential to acknowledge your current emotions while learning to accept the choice you have made. Remind yourself that this is your decision and that you have the courage to move forward with it.

[2] Regardless of the option selected, you will experience pain.

As with any job, you will eventually tire of it. However, the feelings and effects may differ. For instance, you may resent the negative effects of a job you've done for a long time, but there are also positive effects. Similarly, you may experience fatigue from a caesarean section, but it also has benefits. For example, you may not have to endure the pain of tearing or an episiotomy during natural childbirth.

[3] Adjust your mentality and take good care of the wound, and it's actually not a problem.

It is understandable that the pain may be challenging to bear in the immediate postoperative period. However, with proper adjustment and management, the pain can be effectively managed. Maintaining a positive outlook, promoting relaxation, and ensuring proper wound care can facilitate a faster recovery. By staying positive, taking care of your body and mind, and communicating with your family when needed, you can navigate this process successfully.

[4] It is important to take care of your emotions and feelings.

As a new mother, you may encounter a number of novel experiences. It is therefore important to communicate your needs and feelings more frequently, prioritize self-care, maintain regular communication with your family, address negative emotions, and focus on maintaining your physical and mental well-being. This will facilitate a swift recovery.

It is my hope that the above advice will prove useful to you.

Hello, question asker! Thanks for reaching out.

I'm a listening dolphin float, a psychological counselor, and I'm here to help!

?‍♂️Hugs to you, dear new mother! I am also a mother, and I had a natural birth. I can tell you about the accidents and panic during childbirth, and I can also tell you how you can make it through and come out the other side stronger!

?‍♂️The great news is that most pregnant women want to have a natural birth! However, many people can't persevere. The good news is that the pain of contractions cannot be reduced, whether it is a natural birth or a C-section.

The contractions after giving birth were not that painful, which was great! The episiotomy wound hurt a bit, but that's to be expected. Overall, whether it was a natural birth or a C-section, the pain was about the same. Some people have abdominal pain for a week before giving birth successfully with their first child, but I was lucky to only have a few days!

?‍♂️The abdominal pain was quite irritating, and I even considered just giving up tomorrow. But I gave birth during the night, starting with the reddish discharge, in just three days! The abdominal pain started the night after that, and the baby was born in the early morning of the third day.

It was still very dangerous at the time, but I was so excited to meet my first child! The head of the first child had already come out, and I pushed it back in again. It was really dangerous, but it was also really exciting. That feeling is really like wanting to poop, and that's when this kind of thing happens. It was quite embarrassing, but it was also a really special moment.

?‍♂️When the pain passed, I went to the toilet to poop, but I was at a loss for what to do when I sat on the toilet. The baby couldn't stand the pressure anymore and its head popped out. Just as my mother-in-law came to visit, she noticed it and was so excited that she almost gave birth in the toilet!

In fact, my first child was such a quick exception! It usually takes a long time for the first child, but not this time. When I stood up, the baby's head was completely out! With the help of my family, I went to the delivery room with the baby's head caught in the vaginal opening.

The baby was born before I even reached the delivery room! Once I arrived, I got to perform emergency resuscitation on the baby, whose body had turned purple from lack of oxygen. This is a situation that can occur during shoulder dystocia, where the baby is unable to breathe in time—and I got to be the one to help them!

?‍♂️In fact, except for the extra scars, there is no less pain in a cesarean section than in a natural birth. Since you have already had a cesarean section, then just focus on your amazing baby! It is inevitable to have scars on the body, even other injuries will leave scars, but they are just a small price to pay for the joy of having a beautiful baby!

?‍♂️From your description, it can be seen that what you actually care about now are the scars left on your body, right? Absolutely! And you're wondering about what problems these scars may have.

Or have you finally realized that you're perfect just the way you are?

?‍♂️I feel fine because I haven't experienced it, so it seems easy. I had a natural birth, so I think it's more comfortable than a Caesarean section. But the fact is that no matter what kind it is, giving birth is a trip to the gates of hell. It's lucky to be back safely!

?‍♂️ Just look at your child growing up safe and healthy! Those layers of scars are really disgusting when you think about them, but they're nothing compared to physical health and safety!

? One Psychology World and I Love You.

Hello, question asker! After reading your description, I want to give you a hug!

Today, I'm not going to answer you from a psychological perspective. I'm going to tell you something from the perspective of someone who has been there. If there's even a small chance that your child may have shoulder dystocia, don't take the risk. If this happens, you, your child, and your whole family will be devastated. I'm the one who has to live with the consequences of this rare event.

My child suffered from asphyxia during an emergency cesarean section. The child is now three and a half years old. After being evaluated by multiple hospitals and experts, autism has been diagnosed. The cause is undoubtedly asphyxia in the womb and prolonged lack of oxygen to the brain, which has caused damage to certain functional areas of the brain. After consulting multiple experts and institutions, we are now trying interventions at a professional institution.

I am a person who never regrets anything. This is the first and last thing I will regret. I feel sorry for my child. The doctor indicated that there was a risk of an umbilical cord two weeks around the neck and GBS infection. However, the doctor felt that this was nothing, as many people had it. Therefore, I was allowed to give birth naturally. If I had been safe and insisted on a C-section, perhaps my child would not have to go through the suffering she is now experiencing. The whole family has experienced various mental, physical, and financial torments. However, the most pitiful person in this is still the child. Looking at her innocent, pure, and unsophisticated little appearance, I really don't know what the future will hold. We can only pray that with the help and support of the kindergarten teachers, institutional teachers, the whole family, and children, the child can grow up slowly, make changes, minimize the gap with children of the same age, slowly integrate into group life, and have basic self-care skills, simple social skills, and basic learning abilities. This is our greatest wish. We do not seek excellence or a promising future. We just want a peaceful and safe life.

You will recover quickly, you will be free of pain, and you will get through this difficult period in your life as soon as possible!

Let's pray for ourselves and our children, live well, and cheer for ourselves and our children!

Dear Stranger,

You are a strong woman and a brave mother. It is my hope that you will be treated warmly by the world.

From what I can see, you are trying your best to be a good mother, which is not an easy role.

You also took the initiative to take that first step in a courageous manner.

Despite the injuries you sustained, you were fortunate to give birth to your baby in good health, thanks to your strong belief.

At the time, I was likely feeling a bit overwhelmed in the midst of an emergency situation. It was my first experience with a situation that was a bit confusing and outside of my usual expertise. My thoughts were all over the place, but after taking a moment to calm down, I realized that I wished I had been more assertive.

I believe your professional team has already provided you with an excellent solution, which is to have a caesarean section.

Given the circumstances, it seems that a cesarean section is the only viable option, given that this is a difficult shoulder dystocia.

The ideal way of giving birth is often not the reality, and things don't always go as planned. Many mothers have experienced this, including myself.

But that's all in the past. While the scar cannot be erased, it is a testament to your courage.

When your children grow up, you may wish to share this experience with them. It could be an opportunity to teach them about resilience and the value of having a strong belief in life.

Hello, I'm Xintan Coach Feiyun. Happy 2023!

I understand. No one has experience when they become a new parent. You're gambling with your child's life. "Leave it to the professionals." The doctor is experienced and knowledgeable.

You regret and blame yourself. You don't think you are strong enough. The caesarean section leaves a lifelong scar.

I also had a C-section. Let's share and discuss.

1. We are in awe of life.

Some people say giving birth is hell. It's rare to have a shoulder dystocia because the baby's head is usually the largest part of the body and can pass through the birth canal.

Some babies are born with their shoulders first, which makes it harder to deliver them.

Hospitals have "indications" for cesarean sections. Not all pregnant women are encouraged or guided to have one. It is right to listen to the doctor's advice.

A cesarean scar is not as ugly as you think. It has many layers of muscle tissue on the inside and just skin on the outside. The surgery is done along the grain of the skin, and the stitches are removed over time.

My scars fade over time and are now invisible.

You are a beautiful woman who cares about your appearance. This scar is meaningful. When my daughter was little, I told her the story of her birth: "This is your palace. If you don't want to live in it, you can ask your mother to open it."

My daughter hugs and kisses me when she wants something. When she grows up, she will know how hard it was for me to give birth to her. This will make her more respectful and obedient.

2. Stay aware of your limiting beliefs.

You regret not being strong enough for a C-section.

A natural birth = strength.

No matter how your baby is born, you will feel pain. This is common medical knowledge. Your bravery and strength have nothing to do with the method of delivery. If the signs of a C-section are reached, no amount of bravery can prevent a natural birth. Just like when I was given oxytocin, my bones did not open, and despite being brave, there was no hope.

Self-blame means focusing on the past and feeling bad about what you did or didn't do. We learn from the past, and this is a kind of growth. For example, you have experienced the hardship of being a mother and become more respectful to your own mother; and you have experienced mental struggles and can see your own emotional patterns.

To stop blaming yourself, take responsibility, focus on the present and the future, and take ownership of your share of the responsibility, such as raising your child well.

You are already a mother. Take care of yourself too. A happy, healthy mother is the best caregiver for her child.

Listen to music or talk to family and friends. These are good ways to relax.

I hope this helps you and the world. I love you.

To keep talking, click "Find a coach" in the top right or bottom. I'll chat with you one-on-one.

Hello! I'm Strawberry.

It's often said that giving birth is like walking through the gates of hell, and that's because no one can predict what will happen. The original poster had always been determined to give birth vaginally. She had made a lot of efforts to do so, just wanting to give birth to her baby smoothly.

It's totally normal to feel anxious when you don't know what's going to happen.

The questioner is pregnant for the first time, so after learning that the fetus is too big, she's understandably feeling a bit anxious. She's even searched the internet for more information, but it's only making her more scared. It's important to remember that everyone's situation is different, so the information you find online is just a reference point.

If the questioner really can't give birth vaginally, the doctor will probably recommend a C-section. This is usually because the questioner is feeling really anxious about what hasn't happened yet and also because they're unsure about what's to come and feel like they can't control it.

Modern medical technology is still worth trusting, my friend. When we're facing situations we don't understand, it's always a good idea to chat with a professional. They can help us feel more at ease and informed.

It's okay to accept what has happened.

After the C-section, the questioner realized that it's not just a matter of considering natural birth and C-sections, but that you also need to experience various kinds of pain, and you may also face the aftereffects of a C-section in the future.

From my own experience of having both a natural birth and a caesarean section, I just want to reassure the original poster that the pain of natural childbirth is even more intense than the pain brought on by recovering from a caesarean section. It's true that contractions are a pain that everyone experiences after giving birth, whether it is a natural birth or a caesarean section.

The questioner chose a caesarean section because she was afraid, at least to avoid what the doctor said might happen. The safe birth of a child is actually the most important thing, don't you think? As for the situation the questioner is worried about in the future, as long as the questioner sits well during the month after giving birth, a caesarean section will not necessarily lead to aftereffects. It is more important to take care of yourself and your baby now than to worry about things that haven't happened yet.

It's so important to understand your emotions.

It's impossible to know what will happen if you choose to give birth vaginally. Everyone's physical condition is different. When I gave birth to my first child, after a day and a night of pain, the doctor said that the delivery was difficult and suggested a C-section. My mother-in-law was really insistent that the doctor let me give birth vaginally. Later, because of the difficult delivery, the baby was deprived of oxygen and stayed in the hospital for half a month before being discharged. Although it was not life-threatening, I was really scared at the time. I had protected the baby for so long, and there was a possibility that I would not be able to see my baby because of a mistake.

From what the questioner is saying, it seems like she's not really torn between a natural birth or a C-section. It seems like she's more worried about the consequences of a C-section for herself. She's worried that it might make her belly ugly and that it might make her body uncomfortable. It seems like she's feeling insecure about the changes in her body.

☀️Learn more: It's totally normal to feel anxious about the unknown. It's a big change! The good news is that you can take control of your emotions. You can face your anxiety head-on, seek advice from others who've been there, and learn from their experiences. You can also read parenting books in your spare time.

☀️ Pay more attention: The uterine scar is inside and cannot be seen, so it will naturally be forgotten after a long time. As for the scar on the lower abdomen, during the recovery process, you should lie down if you can, stand up if you can, and don't sit for the first while. This will prevent the scar from folding, and in the future, it will only be a faint scar, which will not affect how you wear clothes.

☀️ Talk to someone: We totally get it. The change in status can be tough. New moms may feel a lot of discomfort when taking care of themselves and their babies at the same time. This can also affect their emotions. When they feel depressed, they can talk to someone they trust to reduce their stress and release their emotions.

As you adjust to your new role as a mom, you'll probably face some unexpected challenges. But remember, taking time to relax and stay positive can be beneficial for you and your little one.

I really hope my answer helps! Best of luck!