What should I do if I can't stop thinking about something over and over again and I always end up thinking about it again?

Kiss, I saw your confession and I know you're going through a rough time. It's so brave of you to recognize that you're struggling with rumination and that you're looking for a change. It's a great first step to be able to identify the problem and seek a solution. Let's dive in and explore it together!

1. It's totally normal to keep thinking about things you did wrong or didn't do well. It might be because you've experienced a negative event. After the powerful impact of that event, you might find yourself thinking about the event, your negative emotional state, and the possible consequences.

You can find the event that had a primal impact on you with the help of a counselor, and make corresponding repairs and adjustments to reduce the frequency of your rumination. Don't worry, this is something we can work through together!

One thing about rumination is that it tends to focus on the negative. It's important to find a way to look at things more objectively. When you catch yourself ruminating, try to find something positive to focus on, even if it's small.

You'll be happy to know that being able to view problems correctly and objectively will also reduce your rumination. And sometimes, you can learn some really valuable lessons from the wisdom of the ancient Chinese. They say that blessings are where calamities lie, and calamities are where blessings lie.

3. If you've been struggling with long-term rumination, it's important to get a professional diagnosis to rule out any underlying depression. Don't worry, though! It's a simple process and will help you get the support you need.

4. You can do more mindfulness meditation! Give it a try for a while in the meditation of Yixin. If you can visualize the negative rumination images during meditation and clear them away, you'll be amazed at how much your rumination thinking will improve!

I hope this is helpful for you! Thanks so much for reading.

Everyone can help others by sharing their words.

Hello, I'm Xin Tan. I'm Fei Yun's coach. You're thinking about the wrong things you did in the past. You feel bad about them and can't stop thinking about them. This makes you feel bad now.

Let's hug and figure out the problem.

1. See your own patterns and break the cycle.

Everyone has their own patterns, which come from life experiences and habits. These patterns are self-defense mechanisms.

Some people are positive and grateful, while others are negative and full of complaints. Some people seek external affirmation, while others look within and find their own value.

Life is a cycle. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. As you said, thinking about past mistakes and self-blame is bad. It's about our thinking patterns.

When we see our patterns, we can choose not to let them steal our freedom.

2. Learn about self-blame.

Self-reproach is a form of self-hatred. It is the pain caused by your own actions that have had irreversible consequences.

How the past affects the present self.

Self-blame is about the past and makes you feel bad.

Self-blame is about not accepting the present. It's about what "ought to be" and what actually happened. When there's a confrontation, there's a drain on energy. Energy is finite, so there's less for other things.

When you blame yourself, it's like walking into a black hole. You lose energy and can't get out. You need to see the self-blame and the consequences. They don't solve the problem.

3. How to stop blaming yourself

Take responsibility for your share.

The past is the past. To create a better future, you have to focus on the present. So, when you blame yourself, it's counterproductive.

Responsibility is self-affirmation. It means I am the source of everything.

Instead of dwelling on the past, learn from it and avoid repeating mistakes. This is taking responsibility. Focus on the present and future.

Blaming yourself makes things worse. Taking responsibility can change your life.

You can also try this exercise:

The more responsibility you take on, the more you can do. If you're happy with the way things are, why not try something new?

Do something meaningful for others and society. Find a sense of value in it. Take on more responsibility.

I hope to give you a new perspective, see the truth, and give you more choices. And I love you.

Click "Find a coach" to continue the conversation. I will grow with you one-on-one.

Hello, question asker! My name is Evan, and I'm excited to help you with your question.

From the questioner's own statement, we can see that when something is not done well, it can make us feel uncomfortable and keep us thinking about it. But is this always the case?

It's only natural to want to do something well when we haven't done it well before. It's an instinct that comes from our human genes! When we feel that something is important, we'll subconsciously want to do it well. We'll even replay these scenes so that we can do it well next time we encounter a similar scene. This is an instinct that comes from life!

Of course, if these rumination thoughts are constantly repeated, they will seriously affect normal life. So many times we have to learn how to control our thoughts. The good news is that we can assign ourselves a goal that we think is more appropriate for our thoughts about things, such as reaching a level that we are satisfied with and then stop thinking about it.

The questioner said that they would keep ruminating on things, which also shows that they value their own affairs and strive for perfection in everything. When something is not done well, the thoughts in their mind will keep reminding them to do it properly. This is a great opportunity for the questioner to learn how to control their thoughts!

Avoid "rumination" and start living your best life!

Sometimes you may find yourself trying to do everything perfectly. But don't worry! There are plenty of techniques you can use to help you control yourself and get out of the "rumination" state of mind. One of these is to think about the worst-case scenario. This may sound counterproductive and seem to exacerbate the "rumination" mentality, but in fact, when you consider the worst-case scenario, you will instinctively think about whether you are capable of dealing with these situations. Imagine a scenario where you are in complete control of the situation. This can reduce your worries to a certain extent!

Set aside some time for yourself to think! When you dedicate a specific period of time to thinking about a problem, you can really concentrate fully on it and let other thoughts fall by the wayside.

Walking is a fantastic way to escape your worries! Spend more time outdoors and go for a walk to clear your mind.

Another fantastic way to relax is through aerobic exercise! Not only does it give your body a great workout, but it also allows your mind to wander to new places. During exercise, you'll experience new sights, sounds, and smells, which can help you forget about your worries for a while.

Now for the fun part! It's time to identify those disturbing negative thoughts.

So, what makes the questioner have negative thoughts and keep trying to improve things they have not done well? Well, some negative thoughts just pop up in the mind, while others are hard to find. But that's OK!

It's always a great idea to record negative emotions as they arise. This helps you identify what's causing them. For example, you might find that you're blaming yourself for mistakes that have nothing to do with you. Or perhaps you're feeling ashamed, paying too much attention to accidents, or imagining very serious problems with very minor ones.

And the best part is, you can easily recognize these negative thoughts as common cognitive distortions, such as overgeneralizations, jumping to conclusions, and being overly extreme.

Stop negative thoughts and start thinking positively!

Once you understand where your negative thoughts come from, you can cheer yourself up and overcome them! For example, when you wake up in the morning and think that it is going to be a bad morning, after noticing your negative thoughts, you should tell yourself that the morning is not going well, but it will get better after the morning. This is an excellent way to maintain a positive attitude!

When you catch yourself thinking negatively, don't dwell on it! Instead, say something positive. Over time, you'll get used to it and your mindset will change.

Be sure to pay attention to your wording!

Does the questioner often use decisive words, saying things like "I'm sure I can't do this" or "I messed up such a small thing"? This kind of decisive rhetoric usually exaggerates and leaves no room for interpretation — so let's try something different!

The way you phrase your questions is just as important as what you say to others and yourself. It's about getting the words and the spirit just right!

Embrace each day with a positive outlook!

Every day, face the world with a positive attitude! When you wake up in the morning, think of five happy things first.

There are so many happy things in life! Think of all the small events that make you smile: listening to a good song, watching a great movie, smelling the tea today, buying what you wanted yesterday. Make a list of these things and say them out loud, so you can start your day with a smile!

A positive mindset is the absolute best way to start a new day! It'll make it really difficult for negative emotions to take root. You might think that saying positive things out loud will seem silly, but studies have shown that it'll make you believe what you're saying even more!

This will make you happier and more focused, and it'll keep those negative thoughts at bay!

Look for the positive!

No matter how capable someone is, they can't do everything perfectly. But that's OK! The questioner shouldn't demand perfection from themselves, and should allow themselves to make small mistakes or not be as perfect as expected. Once you find yourself starting to dwell on why things are the way they are, stop immediately and think of something positive instead.

For example, if you make a mistake, it is unpleasant, but it's also an opportunity to learn and grow! You can identify the cause and then try a new way of doing things so that you don't make the same mistake again when faced with a similar situation in the future.

Seek external help!

If you feel that the above methods don't resonate with you, it's time to seek external help! Reach out to a professional psychologist or counselor for psychological intervention. They'll be able to help you work through your negative emotions in a safe and confidential space. So, be bold and confident when speaking with them. They're there to support you!

I'm excited to share how these negative emotions make me feel, how they usually occur, and how I respond. If needed, I'm happy to keep communicating with these professionals until these emotions no longer affect the questioner.

I really hope my answer helps the questioner!

A Chinese proverb states, "I examine myself three times a day." This indicates that it is beneficial to engage in constant reflection on one's actions. However, when anxiety arises as a result of such reflection and it begins to impact one's life, it suggests that the reflection has not led to meaningful progress.

Indeed, the act of continually reflecting on one's past experiences can be regarded as a beneficial practice in itself.

However, the purpose of reflection is to obtain insights that can be leveraged to enhance future performance and compensate for past deficiencies.

Subsequently, upon reflection, it becomes evident that no tangible growth or enhancement has been achieved, leading to feelings of trepidation and concern regarding the circumstances that transpired. This prompts a continued tendency to revisit past experiences in search of a resolution.

As previously stated, however, such reflection does not facilitate either compensation or enhancement. Following a single or multiple instances of reflection without implementing changes, an individual may succumb to anxiety and despair.

One might be inclined to believe that change is not possible.

However, this sense of hopelessness and powerlessness will only serve to increase feelings of fear. This state of mind, which intensifies feelings of fear, will in turn lead to a greater desire to solve the problem, which will in turn lead to further rumination. Each time this cycle is repeated, feelings of anxiety will increase, ultimately leading to the conclusion that it is futile to continue thinking about the problem.

If one wishes to alter the circumstances, it is first necessary to overcome this despair and establish a clear objective. What is the purpose of reflecting on these circumstances?

It is imperative to identify methods for enhancing the process of reflection.

Subsequently, through the affirmation of others, one can ascertain the value of the changes made, which can significantly assist in alleviating this problem.

You may discuss particular behaviors with me or request counsel, and I am eager to provide assistance.

Ultimately, it is my sincere hope that you will experience an increase in happiness.

Hello, I'm a counselor and coach.

Good luck, Ms. Liu!

My words and suggestions are just my opinion. I hope they help you think about things and that you can find strength in other people's opinions. But the answer to your problems is in your heart.

I hope you can be kind to yourself and happy.

Reflecting is a habit for us, but excessive reflecting is distressing.

Mistakes can become experiences.

Looking back, learning from mistakes, self-reflection, and getting feedback are all for the future. If we can learn from similar risks and problems in the future, we can improve how we solve them. This kind of self-reflection is valuable for individuals and society.

The saying "use history as a mirror" means we should learn from the past to find solutions.

From ancient times to now, we have been taught to reflect. We have become used to it since childhood. The idea of "examination of conscience" has influenced us.

Self-reflection and thinking are valuable. They help us mature and correct our words and deeds.

But everything is relative. When we overreact to what others say, we forget why we're reflecting on ourselves in the first place. This makes us doubt ourselves and lose confidence. It also doesn't help us feel better.

If we keep questioning ourselves, we'll lose our sense of self-efficacy.

You can't change what happened in the past. If you keep repeating the same mistakes, you'll become helpless. Often, it's when you realize you're repeating a mistake that you can't stop.

Two selves are arguing, and the conflict is getting worse.

There are many reasons.

Our brains make us focus on our flaws. It's like looking at a tiny dot on a white sheet of paper.

When I first started at a new job, I was very worried about making mistakes. I was nervous about doing my work perfectly, saying the wrong thing, and offending my colleagues. I felt like I was constantly being watched. Every day, the walk home felt very long. I would think about everything that had happened at work.

Later, I realized my own subtle and complex state of mind. I expected myself not to find any problems, but I kept searching. As long as I found my own problems, I didn't think about how to learn from experience and avoid mistakes. I blamed myself and punished myself.

Dear friends, if we want to become better people, we need to forgive ourselves. We need to let go of our negative emotions, but we can't dwell on our mistakes to "discipline" ourselves.

This will drain you of energy and leave you anxious. You will make the same mistakes again and again.

Sometimes we get stuck in the past, avoiding the present. If you're afraid of the present,

You may feel lost.

3. Here are some suggestions based on your situation:

Sometimes, things that seem uncontrollable can be controlled.

Our best partner is...

We are our own worst enemy.

Controlling your thoughts is the hardest part. Many things, like remembering knowledge, leading a disciplined life, and completing difficult tasks, seem to go against our instincts.

When you think too much, you feel like you can't stop.

You've realized the truth about your internal conflict and raised doubts, which is a good start. Fighting with yourself is brave. Before you find your rhythm, you may need to fight for time and space for yourself.

Set a deadline.

During this period, set a time each day to stop and train yourself. Gradually, you can set longer periods. For example, today you can set one hour. During this hour, do something simple to experience the outside world. These kinds of activities will shift and regulate your brain's attention.

The next day, add a little more time. Set a clock to avoid thinking. Avoid "short, flat and fast" brain stimulation, that is, avoid constantly checking your phone, watching short videos, or inputting too much emotional information.

Persistence may lead to improvement.

(2) Seeing your own thinking and your real-life goals.

Once you've had a chance to relax, you can try to organize your thoughts and reduce your anxiety.

You can write about yourself. Writing helps us think logically. It helps us see our problems and our strengths. Write down your plan for tomorrow.

Don't criticize yourself. As long as you improve, you're making progress.

Our lives have many tasks: social, emotional, academic, career, etc. We often have to do many things at once, but we can't do everything. We need to decide what's most important. If we try to do everything, we'll be overwhelmed.

It also makes you think too much.

You need to make choices and decisions, focus on what's important, spend your time on what matters, treat people well, maintain relationships, and complete tasks. Sometimes we need to cut back.

You can go into battle with a light heart.

(3) Understand the world from different points of view.

Sometimes we get stuck, think we've reached a dead end, but life is full of changes and there may be more than one way to solve a problem.

You asked a question and wanted to know what everyone else's advice was. You can try communicating with trusted friends, listening to their stories, and finding out how other people solve these kinds of problems. Try different things, and maybe you can find an answer that suits you. Never be discouraged.

We can't do everything at once, so doing one thing well is a victory. Reflect on yourself and encourage yourself. See the potential in yourself.

You can stop questioning yourself and find balance in life.

That's my answer.

Thanks for reading.

Hello!

Many people have this experience.

It's easy to forget your good deeds, but you'll often think about your mistakes.

Your question is brief, so I'll try to explain it. I hope it helps.

Rumination thinking has a positive meaning.

Why do we ruminate? Is it to review the past and learn from mistakes?

We can use it as a reference if we encounter similar things in the future.

This is why we humans are more sensitive to negative information.

Negative information helps us recognize danger and survive.

It makes us feel uncomfortable.

Rumination has an adaptive function.

If we ruminate too much, it will wear us out mentally and prevent us from living in the present.

It can also affect our feelings.

Thinking about the past too much makes it seem bigger, which makes us feel ashamed and doubt ourselves.

We don't have to be in control right away.

This goal may take time to achieve.

We can find ways to stop negative thinking.

2. Think about what you were thinking when you were trying to figure out what to do.

You say, "What if I can't stop thinking about it?"

What are you thinking about now?

People think differently about rumination.

Some people imagine different endings, like going back in time to avoid mistakes or do a task well.

Some will wonder what to do if they encounter such a thing in the future.

Some will think, "How nice if this never happened!"

Write your thoughts in a notebook.

At this point, we record what to do.

See what emotions it triggers.

Thinking back to specific events does not hurt us, but it leads to negative emotions like self-criticism and self-denial.

Thinking back to specific events does not hurt us. But thinking this way can lead to negative emotions like self-criticism and self-negation.

3. Find a method that works for you.

Mr. Li Songwei mentioned several rumination interventions in the feedback experiment.

Mr. Li Songwei mentioned several rumination interventions in the feedback experiment.

This situation is very common.

To summarize, I'll share it with you:

Ruminating is neither useful nor harmful.

The more you try to stop it, the stronger it gets.

Everyone thinks this way, especially when things are bad.

You can't get rid of it quickly.

Use the time when you're not thinking to do more positive things and be happier.

When you think about it, don't try to control it. Just let it go.

Note it, then let it go. Do what you want.

Don't beat yourself up.

Try this common paradoxical intervention.

We also need to see if we are perfectionists, fantasize, or demand too much of ourselves.

Think about your strengths, forgive yourself, and encourage yourself.

Please share these.

Read "5% Change" if you're interested.

Best wishes!

Hello, questioner!

Think back to things you have not done well or done wrong in the past. Keep thinking about them, uncontrollably and repeatedly.

The truth is that our thoughts are beyond our control. We often believe we can control our thoughts, but this is a mere illusion.

The thought is always there, popping up from time to time. This means it has a job to do and it wants to tell you something.

When you think of something you did badly or wrong in the past, don't reject the thought. Give yourself time to find a quiet room where no one is cleaning. Take out a piece of paper and a pen, write it down, and write about these recurring thoughts as much as you like.

Don't judge or worry about grammar or neatness. Look back at it and see if you recognize it.

The next time you have a rumination thought, read the previous piece of paper aloud. You will then be able to view these thoughts more rationally.

Write down any new ideas you have.

Keep asking yourself, "Are these thoughts true? How can you prove that they are true?"

You will discover whether these so-called proof ideas are true. This will help you identify your real needs behind this rumination.

You want to be liked and loved by others. You think you're not good enough and that others will think badly of you. You believe you're not worthy of being liked and loved.

What does this feeling of not being loved, of not being good enough, and of thinking that if you were good enough, then other people would like and love you remind you of? Think back to when you were a child. Does it bring back memories of that time?

Parents often say, "Think about what you did wrong," and then leave you alone to reflect on your mistakes.

This will not end until you realize your mistake and achieve the answer the parent wants. If you make the same mistake next time, the parent will say, "Pay more attention."

"Then a disappointed expression.

I don't know everything, but I know enough to tell you that you don't need to take any of this personally. What you need is self-awareness.

Loving yourself is a phrase we hear a lot. It's easier said than done, but you can do it.

Loving yourself means loving every part of your body. It's time to take a good look at yourself, not just your face but your whole body. You need to thank them properly.

You need to reward them properly.

There is another simple way to love yourself. Every day, record three things that happened that day, no matter how big or small. Just write them down if you feel there is a point in recording them. Every morning when you wake up, look back and discover that you have so many good qualities.

These strengths are worthy of being liked and loved by others.

It is not the event itself that troubles us, but our perception of it. There are a thousand Hamlets in a thousand eyes, and that is determined by our perception.

When we were young, we had those kinds of thoughts because we didn't understand these things. Now that we're older, the world is not unitary but pluralistic. There are not only love and like between people, but also other emotions, and there can be multiple emotional and emotional links with the same person.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to you.

You deserve it!

The message said that you keep repeating the same mistakes and can't help but ruminate. I know it can feel helpless when your mind is racing endlessly on a repetitive track with no sign of stopping.

I really hope that what I'm sharing here can help you in some way. I truly believe that if we can stop this repetition and regain control, we can make a difference.

First, take a moment to understand the specific content of your rumination. Is it about an event, or are you having thoughts like self-doubt or doubt? Or are you experiencing bad emotions after doing something wrong?

The thoughts you think over and over again are a reflection of what you care about most.

If the content is about:

It's totally normal to think back on an event sometimes. We all do it!

It's natural to want to do things perfectly. We all have that perfectionist tendency to ruminate on events themselves, hoping to achieve perfection in everything. But when there's a flaw or omission, it can feel like a "time machine" is built in the mind to return to the past, eager to reconstruct the entire process of events in the brain, thereby changing the completion of past events.

Let's talk about those thoughts that tell you not to trust yourself.

If these thoughts keep going around and around like this, it might be because you're feeling a bit unsure of yourself or doubting your abilities. It's totally normal to feel this way sometimes! We all have moments where we're not our best selves. It's okay to acknowledge these feelings and give yourself a break.

And then there's the third thing: repeating those bad emotions over and over again.

This part of rumination is more like an emotional form of "self-punishment." It seems to be an unconscious experience of the part of oneself that is "not good enough." It's as if we're punishing ourselves because we feel we're not good enough. But we are good enough! We just need to recognize that and give ourselves the love and support we deserve.

2. Try stopping your thoughts and start with some action instead!

Secondly, try to stop ruminating and start with actions instead.

We all do it! We get caught up in our thoughts and forget about the world around us. But, we can break this cycle by taking action.

I really think that this is a great way to get through this tricky situation. It's all about taking action!

You know what? Behavior leads to changes in thinking. So, you can make a plan in advance for when you think again and take action.

When you feel those rumination thoughts coming on, you can take action right away! Chat with a friend about your specific action plans or put your already thought-out plans into practice. When you take action, your thoughts will change along with it!

3. When you keep repeating and thinking back, why not try focusing on your body sensations?

We all know how stubborn thoughts can be! It's because we pay all our attention to them. But here's a little secret: if you give your body a chance, you can pause rumination when it takes over your mind by using your bodily sensations.

Take a moment to notice your breathing, the temperature on your skin, the beat of your heart, and so on. When you're feeling rumination thoughts, you might notice changes in your body. These changes can be a helpful reminder that your body is sending you signals. You can gently adjust your thinking to match what you're feeling in your body.

I really hope this sharing can bring you some inspiration!

I'm a clinical psychologist, but my focus is not on exploring human nature. Instead, I care deeply about the human heart. Sending you lots of love and blessings!

Rumination is when you keep thinking about a negative event, your own negative emotions, and what might happen as a result of the event. It's a way of thinking that can have a big impact on how you feel.

Ruminative thinking is a complex phenomenon that affects our thoughts, feelings, and actions. It sticks with us and can be hard to shake. Researchers have different ideas about what rumination is, but most agree that it's a way of thinking that keeps us stuck in negative emotions and experiences. Han Xiu (2010) describes rumination as "a way of thinking about the symptoms, causes, and consequences of negative events and emotions over and over again."

It's so interesting how different scholars have different views on rumination! Most previous studies have regarded rumination as pathological, and it has been linked to a variety of negative emotions. However, many scholars have put forward different views on the problems posed by rumination.

Normal rumination is a totally normal response style that helps us get closer to our goals, understand what's going on around us, and make good choices. Pathological rumination, on the other hand, is when we get stuck in a loop of thinking about the same old things over and over, which can make it harder to reach our goals. Most scholars in the research see rumination as pathological, and it's often linked to some pretty negative emotions.

However, many scholars have different views on the problems posed by rumination.

1. Let's talk about the impact of rumination.

It's so important to remember that ruminating can cause great mental depletion, which can be extremely harmful to our physical and mental health. It can also affect our ability to live our lives to the fullest.

Normal life:

1. It can even increase the risk of certain paralytic diseases.

It's so important to recognize that ruminating can make negative emotions stick around for longer than we'd like. Studies have shown that rumination can increase the risk of developing some pretty serious mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder. It can also increase the likelihood of developing cardiovascular and cerebrovascular diseases.

2. Triggers for social anxiety

Regurgitators are more likely to be clingy and aggressive in their lives, which makes it more difficult for them to obtain positive and stable social support, exacerbates interpersonal tensions, and triggers social anxiety. We all know how hard it can be to find and keep good friends!

3. Lack of motivation to take action

While rumination can lead to a lot of thinking, these complex and negative thoughts can make it hard for people to feel motivated to take action. It's important to remember that rumination is usually just a way to avoid looking for or implementing solutions.

2. Ways to reduce rumination

1. Take a moment to understand what's really going on with you emotionally.

It can be really helpful to keep a record of what factors trigger your rumination. So, make a note of what time of day, where you are, and what you saw. Then, you can start to find ways to avoid and manage it.

2. Distract yourself!

When you realize that your mind is caught in a cycle of rumination, don't worry! You can easily interrupt it and shift your attention to a range of fun activities like movies and TV series, food, games, work, and more.

3. Transform rumination into reflection

It's so important to look for the good in the past, too. Use it to give yourself a boost and use it as a reference for the future. And don't forget to focus on the here and now! Solve problems, meet needs, and focus on what you can do next. And try not to dwell on the things you can avoid.

4. Make sure you set aside time to ruminate.

If you're having trouble thinking outside the box right now, set a reasonable time, like half an hour in the afternoon, to actively incorporate rumination into your daily life. This will help you identify the irrational elements of rumination.