What should I do if I have a feeling of disgust towards my parents because I was brought up by my grandmother since I was a child?

Hello, question asker!

You grew up with your grandmother and didn't get the love and support from your parents that you needed. It's totally understandable that you feel this way! You might even hate them for not raising you properly, for not giving you the life you want, and because their own illnesses have caused you to feel down. You might also feel like you can't hold your head up high because of this. And you might even look down on your father's job.

It's totally understandable to feel this way. It's natural to crave love and comfort, especially when we're facing challenges. I can imagine how much you must be hurting inside. I'm here to tell you that you're not alone.

It's so hard when you get so little and then you don't want to pay either, and you feel like they're a burden. But are you really not getting anything?

Take a moment to think about it. You've been used to having money since you were a little kid. Do you think your sweet grandmother carried the weight of your living expenses and school fees from elementary school to high school all by herself?

How much did your parents contribute to this? It's easy to look down on your father, a sanitation worker, and feel that he has brought you no honor. But he is also trying to earn money to support the family and you through his own efforts.

If your mom had a mental illness, she would have been happy to take care of you if she didn't have this illness. Sometimes parents are not unwilling to accompany you, but they have to give up doing so. They may think that this is better for your growth, and they really want what's best for you!

You might feel like you don't have love in your life, but you're wrong! This love may be hidden and not noticed, but you are loved. You are not hungry or cold, you go to school, you have clothes to wear, a place to live, a grandmother to take care of you, and money from your parents. Think about it, isn't this love?

It's totally normal to feel this way. We've all been there! It's easy to feel inferior and unable to hold your head up when you're struggling financially. But remember, this money is meant to help you complete your studies and solve your living problems. You've got this!

Student grants are there to support students, not to make them feel ashamed. Think about it: do people who receive student grants feel as ashamed as you do? I don't think so!

This is just your perception and your thoughts, sweetheart. You should take the scholarship incident in perspective.

It's totally understandable that you don't want to burden your parents in their old age. As a parent, it's not always easy to understand their feelings.

They don't want to burden their children, either. Some parents would rather give up treatment themselves in order to save the cost of treatment for their children. I can see how your thoughts might be a way of expressing your resentment towards your parents. You feel that this will make you feel better, and not wanting to support your parents in their old age is also a way of repaying them for not being there for you.

I can see that you're feeling frustrated, and I get it. It's natural to want to lash out when we feel misunderstood. But, I want you to know that your actions are just a way of retaliating and expressing dissatisfaction. When we truly understand parental love, we realize that our current words and deeds are not the best way to show our gratitude. I encourage you to communicate more with your parents. I believe that if you understand your parents' true thoughts, you will also let yourself go and let go of your resentment.

I really hope this helps. Sending you lots of love!

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to drop you a quick line to say hello.

I extend my gratitude to you for placing your trust in me.

You have indicated that you were raised by your grandmother from an early age, that your mother is mentally ill, your father is a cleaner, you have low self-esteem, are concerned that others may view you negatively if they learn about your parents, do not have a close relationship with them, and even hope that they will pass away soon. Additionally, you have limited social support and a lack of motivation to engage in life activities.

Additionally, being overweight can lead to complications in the spleen and stomach. I feel as though I am a flawed individual, undeserving of connection with others.

I am disappointed to report that the situation is not as positive as we would like. Let us review the options available to us to improve the situation.

Firstly, it is important to note that the circumstances of one's upbringing are beyond one's control. However, the decision to procreate was made by your parents. They must have had their reasons at the time, whether it was a desire for a child or a sense of companionship. Ultimately, they gave birth to you, but it is evident that they were unable to provide you with a nurturing childhood and the basic companionship that every child deserves. This can lead to feelings of resentment and a sense of being unloved. You may even develop a desire for them to leave you alone.

Auntie understands your perspective. This is a common reaction. Feelings are mutual. If parents do not make any effort but expect their children to repay them, that is a selfish way of thinking, and it is very unfair to the children. Therefore, auntie will provide a hug. It is accurate to say that you have experienced significant challenges.

Fortunately, you are now 18 years old, an adult, and independent, so we have survived the most helpless period of childhood, and we can take control of the rest of our lives. This is a positive outcome.

This could be a pivotal moment in our lives. Despite our initial circumstances, we have the opportunity to shape our future. Could we leverage this opportunity to effect positive change?

Your aunt offers the following suggestions for your consideration:

1. Your grandmother, father, mother, and you are close relatives, especially your grandmother, who is related to you by blood. You should still show basic respect, but there must be something wrong with many of their ideas and values. You don't have to accept them wholesale, and you don't even have to listen to them. You need to learn to think and judge for yourself, and develop into an independent adult. The best way to become independent is to read more. I don't know if you're currently employed or a student, but whether you're working or a student, remember that reading more will definitely improve your skills.

2. It is essential to possess a skill that will enable you to support yourself financially. This will allow you to become independent and escape the pain caused by your original family.

3. You have stated that you are overweight and that your health is poor. The aunt has advised you to lose weight. We recommend that you run as a means of achieving this. Running is also an effective method of treating psychological problems. If you commit to running on a daily basis for a defined period, you will find that your mood improves, your figure becomes more toned, and those bad habits gradually disappear. It will be challenging initially, but with perseverance, you will undoubtedly experience the positive changes that running brings.

4. Gradually overcome your inferiority complex and address your family situation directly. You have few friends, so it is unlikely that they will be concerned about your family situation. Be yourself and be open about your family situation. I am just me. At worst, you will still have no friends. In fact, most people only have a few close friends in their lives, and most people are just passing through, so you should not be concerned.

Only when you confront the issue directly will you be able to overcome your inferiority complex and recognize that not everyone is as concerned with your personal circumstances as you may believe.

5. All these efforts are for your own future and tomorrow, and have nothing to do with your parents or grandparents. First, focus on leading a good life. You will have the opportunity to decide whether or not you want to support your parents later. If you are leading a good life, it will not matter whether or not you support them. If you are leading a miserable life, you will not be able to support them even if you want to.

Don't dwell on the matter; simply focus on leading a fulfilling life.

The year 2023 is now upon us, marking another year of growth and advancement. It is time to focus on your own goals and work diligently towards them. Have faith in the belief that a brighter future awaits you.

Dear colleague, I empathize with the challenges you have outlined in your statement. Let's collaborate to identify solutions.

1. Before we begin, I would like to offer you a supportive gesture. A lack of parental companionship and love can result in a person facing numerous challenges, including feelings of insecurity. I empathize with your situation and am here to provide assistance.

2. Based on your description, it appears that your parents are unable or unwilling to assume responsibility for your care. They are preoccupied with their own needs and mental health, and their financial situation is also a concern. This leaves them unable to provide the necessary support, and they have had to rely on your grandmother for assistance. While it is not necessary to understand this situation in great detail, viewing it in this way may help you to find a resolution.

3. It is accurate to conclude that your parents did not provide sufficient security, which may lead you to blame them to a certain extent. However, it is possible that they are first-time parents and may lack the necessary skills to provide adequate care. At least your grandmother provided you with love and support.

4. You anticipate that as they age, they will experience fewer illnesses and a reduction in the burden they place on you. This is a natural expectation, as when resources are limited, the expectation is that they will be allocated less. However, as the adage goes, "You don't know your parents' kindness until you have children of your own." You may not be able to fully comprehend their challenges at this time, but it is not your responsibility. It is essential to accept your current circumstances and avoid self-criticism.

5. You are now 18 years old and have entered adulthood. You can gradually learn to love yourself, compensate for the lack of security you experienced in the past, attempt to fall in love, care about others, and gradually find a sense of love for yourself through interactions with others. If possible, learn some psychology to make your heart stronger and more resilient.

6. You are a person who deserves love and friendship. Do not attribute these needs to a lack of support from your family. It is true that during puberty, hormones are secreted vigorously, and it is also easy to gain weight and become anxious about appearance. These are the characteristics and issues to face at this age. If you are unable to manage these challenges independently, you may seek assistance from educators or public welfare psychological counseling.

It is important to recognize that parents are not always able to provide the level of care and support that their children require. This is why it is essential for individuals to learn to care for themselves.

Please refer to the above for further information. Thank you.

Hello, questioner. Thank you for your question. I am a heart exploration coach, and I appreciate the opportunity to answer it.

From your description, it seems that you have some reservations about your original family, particularly the social status of your parents. Having been raised by your grandmother, you may have some reluctance when thinking about your past and future relationship with your parents.

I may not fully comprehend the psychological nuances of your situation, but I can perceive the inner turmoil, disappointment, and longing for love. I extend my support and understanding to you.

While it may be challenging to alter the events of the past 18 years, we can alter our perspective and take control of our future. Let's explore together:

1- People are not born equal. If you are kind and filial, and you have a clear conscience, you should do your best.

It is perhaps worth noting that people are not born equal in this world. Being born into different families means having different growth environments, which is something that is often beyond our control.

But regardless of where you are born, it's important to recognize that there is no such thing as absolute good or bad. Everyone comes to this world with their own unique mission and lessons to learn.

Naturally, parents hope to meet someone who is kind and loving and can provide the best material and spiritual environment for their growth. However, this is not something that can simply be wished for.

It would be interesting to consider how many families in the world could be considered truly satisfactory.

For this reason, it is important to be grateful for the love of our parents, who gave us life and did their best. While they may have shortcomings and inadequacies, if we consider the situation from their perspective, we can recognize that they have likely done their best and given us their best.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider your parents' perspective. Despite any differences in perception, they have made significant efforts to provide for your education and to select a suitable individual (your grandmother) to raise you. They have demonstrated their commitment and care. I believe they love you, though perhaps in a way that is different from how you perceive it.

With regard to how you might show your parents the respect they deserve in the future, it is perhaps best not to place undue pressure on yourself. As the Analects of Confucius suggests, the utmost respect should be shown to one's parents.

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. Do your best in the circumstances you find yourself in.

If you are willing to create, it would be helpful to first address this aspect of your life and prevent it from further expansion. If you are experiencing resentment, it may be beneficial to allow yourself to feel that emotion and listen to the underlying reasons behind it.

Could it be because they are ashamed of you, or because you can't hold your head up high, or is it something else?

If it is possible for you to do so, it might be helpful to express your feelings in a constructive way. Once you have dealt with your emotions, you may wish to consider learning to reconcile with your inner parents.

2-The way you view yourself is a personal choice. You also have the power to shape your future.

Another challenging aspect of your situation is how others perceive you. As you mentioned,

I am facing the challenge of having to apply for financial aid once again. I am concerned that this may lead to others forming negative perceptions of me.

It's understandable to be concerned that others might view your family background with disdain or ridicule. While this is a possibility, it's also worth considering that there might be other outcomes.

Perhaps it would be helpful to imagine that you and another student in your class switched roles. How would you describe yourself in this situation?

He may feel that this classmate has had a challenging upbringing, but it is commendable that she has managed to create a better life for herself than her parents could have afforded to provide.

If you always put yourself in the position of a "victim," it may become easier for you not to take responsibility. However, this could also result in a more passive approach, as it assumes that your circumstances are fixed and that you are unable to change. This could lead to a sense of helplessness, where you feel that you cannot improve your situation, and you may become stuck in a cycle of negative thinking.

This may be perceived as a lack of independence and an attitude of shirking responsibility. If you were still a child, this approach might elicit sympathy from those around you, but you are now an adult, and you have the ability and strength to take responsibility for what kind of person you are.

It might be helpful to accept what you cannot change and consider making changes where you can. Instead of dwelling on your situation, it could be beneficial to take stock of what you can do.

I would like to suggest that you watch a movie based on real events called "What is Home For?" It features a young boy under the age of 10 who, in order to rebel against the bad treatment he received in his family, chose to be a lone brave person who made a change and ultimately succeeded.

Wishing you all the best, with love from me and the world!