What should I do if I keep liking different people and getting lovey-dovey?

Hello, dear question asker!

From what you've said, I get the feeling you're a passionate person, always chasing after the feelings you want. But have you ever stopped to think about what exactly you're chasing after?

I know it seems so vague again, but I'm here to help!

I'm happy to offer some ideas based on my experience since you have relatively little information and no specific questions.

***You like different types of people, and I think there must be a characteristic of theirs that attracts you. You might as well start here and think about what it is that attracts you most about them. From this, you can find out what your needs are.

If you've made it this far, you're doing great! Now, let's think about something a little more challenging: what do they have in common?

This commonality might not be obvious at first. For example, even though they may look different and have very different personalities, they both have a certain "dominant" quality that makes you feel protected and secure. This is just an example, but I think the person you like will have the same thing. What is it?

If you can discover something, then this is a great place to start! Why are you so fascinated by people with these characteristics? What exactly do you want?

It can be tough to figure this out, especially since it's easy to have blind spots when we're looking at ourselves. I think it might be helpful to seek professional help if you're feeling stuck.

***You mentioned that you keep on liking other people, which seems to imply that you keep on giving up. I'm here to help you understand why you're doing that. What influence have you been subjected to? I think it is also worth exploring and thinking about.

I hope you find these ideas helpful! If you have any questions or need more information, please don't hesitate to reach out.

Hi, I'm Wang Xuejing, a psychological counselor. I wish you all the best!

Good day, question asker.

It can be challenging to maintain a sense of security and stability in an intimate relationship, especially when we find ourselves attracted to different people. How can we foster growth and resilience in our relationships when we feel insecure?

A good relationship can bring us feelings of love, understanding, attention, and tolerance. If we don't currently have such a relationship, we can also take a look within to identify what we might need.

Secondly, it is possible to experience a deep level of love and attraction for different people, which can be influenced by our sense of security. We may have a strong desire for someone to treat us well.

It is natural for us to continue to trust someone and to give them our affection, which shows that we are a very loving person. However, it can be challenging for us to remain constant or completely open to someone. It may be that there are boundaries within us that we need to recognize and work through.

While we may reach out to others, it's important to recognize that not everyone is necessarily a good fit. We may find ourselves drawn to someone who is not the ideal long-term partner, or we may be focusing on what kind of person we are attracted to. It's essential to understand our preferences and the qualities we find most appealing. Sometimes, we may find ourselves unable to pursue long-term growth with someone, and this can be a sign that there's something deeper at play. Our subconscious may hold clues about what we truly desire and what we're not yet ready to embrace.

The questioner mentioned a lack of security and a lack of clarity on how to grow. It could be said that growth is related to our own experiences: the people and things we encounter, the books we read, and the paths we take will all lead to growth in varying degrees. It might also be the case that travel, reading, and making good friends will all lead to growth.

It could be said that the establishment of a sense of security is related to our abilities and economic foundation. In addition, it is about being content within. As we become more and more goal-oriented and achieve more, we may naturally feel more secure.

Love, however, is the opposite of admiration. We are often needed because we are good, but not always loved because we are good. This can make love and relationships challenging to navigate. It's not always easy to treat someone sincerely, which also shows that we are kind.

As we navigate the choices in our lives, we may find ourselves meeting someone with whom we will spend the rest of our days. While we may be accustomed to seeking support from others, love requires a mutual commitment. It is a challenging journey, and it is essential to cultivate understanding, tolerance, and effective communication in relationships.

I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to share some thoughts on the interconnectedness of psychology and the world at large, and to express my affection for you.

Good day, question asker. I can see the confusion you are facing right now.

You are currently experiencing some relationship issues. Please accept my sincere condolences.

I am unaware of the specifics of your family situation.

It is, however, possible that one of the following situations has occurred.

Please describe the situation in greater detail.

It is possible that your parents divorced when you were growing up. As you were very young at the time, you have no recollection of the circumstances.

You are aware that you lack a sense of security and are seeking a long-term partner to fulfill your emotional needs.

However, despite your best efforts to cultivate new relationships, you find that the underlying issue persists.

In such a case, it is advisable to seek the assistance of a qualified professional counselor.

Given the nature of the issue, I believe it would be more beneficial for you to seek the guidance of a professional counselor, rather than an instant listener.

I hope that the issue you are experiencing can be resolved in the near future.

At this time, I can only suggest these possibilities.

I hope my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you. As the respondent, I am committed to studying hard every day.

At Yixinli, we extend our best wishes to you and the world.

Dear colleague, Given what you've shared, let's give each other a big hug and explore together!

It's easy to fall in love and keep falling for different people. Your childhood and your parents' relationship might have something to do with your feelings of insecurity in intimate relationships. It's the first thing you learn about love. If your parents didn't have a very stable relationship, it's possible that it will also make you feel less secure in your intimate relationships.

This is just a guess, though, and it's only meant to be a reference.

2. You keep liking different people. It could be that you're trying to prove that you're good and worthy of love. You might think that you can prove that you're good and attractive enough by being able to fall in love with different people. That's why you can't stop doing this.

3. The sense of security in an intimate relationship comes from the other person recognizing and attaching to you. From the perspective of object relations, it may be that you didn't get a good response when you were developing your relationship with the other person in your early development. You could try talking to a counselor about this.

Ultimately, your own self-assurance is the most reliable source of security and confidence. You can reflect on the books you've read on relationships, think objectively and calmly, and then challenge your own beliefs by learning some psychology.

5. Any good relationship is all about letting the individual be themselves. You need to experience and see more, so that you can accept and love yourself, and then achieve what you want in the relationship.

I hope this is helpful for you. Thanks for reading!

Hello, question asker! Your description is very simple, but from the limited information, we can also make some guesses for your reference.

You say that you will keep on falling in love with different people, as if all the events in your life are meant for romance. It's great that you're open to love! However, you cannot feel secure in a relationship, so you keep changing partners. Your ultimate goal is not to find true love, but to grow.

From what I can see, your relationship patterns and ultimate aspirations don't align with the typical romantic. The idea of true love and staying in a relationship forever is not your thing. It seems like you're in a relationship to grow and learn, just like you're doing with this consultation.

The partner you choose is like a mirror that reflects your appearance, potential, or aspirations. Some people keep changing their mirror, trying to find a better-fitting one with better proportions that can show them a more realistic self. So, rather than saying that you are constantly searching for true love, it is more accurate to say that you are constantly searching for your true self. You keep changing your romantic partners, but in fact you are not sure who you are, what you really look like, what you aspire to be like, and you don't even know what kind of person is a match for you.

Some people find their true selves by changing jobs, finding the boundaries of their abilities and interests, and discovering the true meaning of life. Others find their true selves through relationships. There's no right or wrong way to do this. Everyone has the right to choose their own way of life. It's just that in the process of making choices, we try to minimize the harm we do to ourselves and others. After each choice, we need to reflect on it, rather than just mindlessly moving forward.

For example, what have you observed in this relationship, and what are your own characteristics? What are the characteristics of the other person?

It would be really interesting to know what the other person sees in you! And what state are you in during this relationship?

Was it a nice, comfortable feeling, or did you feel uneasy and awkward? What made you feel that way?

After you've reviewed this relationship, take a moment to think about your previous relationships. What are some similarities you notice? What are some differences? As you think about these questions, you'll start to see your relationships in a new light. You'll start to see yourself in a new light, too!

These are just a few examples of ways to think. When you know yourself better and more comprehensively, your sense of unease will decrease. As the saying goes, "Those who know themselves well are at peace." I would like to add, "Those who know themselves well are at ease." People who feel more secure and can be at peace in each moment are people who know themselves well, or are on the way to understanding themselves better and better.

As you embark on your journey of love, you'll start to understand your purpose in this beautiful experience. Each relationship is an opportunity to gain a deeper understanding of yourself. You're not a love-struck person, but rather someone who uses love to find their true self. While love is a wonderful thing, it's not the only thing that can bring you true security. By discovering your true self in love and finding the right love for yourself, you'll learn to love others and yourself in a way that feels genuine and fulfilling.

I really hope you find yourself soon!

Love yourself, find the right person, and love them well!

Dear Respondent, I am pleased to have this opportunity to engage in discussion on this topic with you.

From the aforementioned description, it is evident that the inclination to fall in love and maintain a liking for different individuals is a relatively straightforward process.

The respondent posits that there is a subconscious need that drives the desire for an intimate relationship, which provides a sense of security and stability.

?01. Our actions can be seen as a reflection of our needs.

The quality of a relationship is contingent upon the reciprocity of feelings. When one maintains a positive regard for another, there is an inherent expectation of a similar response in kind.

In other words, the host actually hopes to gain a sense of genuine compassion and love through an intimate relationship.

This section is likely to be related to the intimate relationships that have been established since childhood. In the event that the intimate relationships that were formed during childhood were relatively lacking, it is common for individuals to grow up with the hope of compensating for this sense of loss and regret in their hearts through the purity of a romantic relationship.

In intimate relationships, there is often a sense of insecurity about gains and losses. This may be due to an immature personality that lacks the capacity to cope with the impermanence of relationships.

For example, if one was raised in an environment where parental discord and conflict were commonplace, and those conflicts were often resolved through verbal or even physical aggression, then one may internalize a profound sense of instability and insecurity.

As we mature, we encounter intimate relationships, prompting the reemergence of personal memories and experiences. This phenomenon is known as "empathy."

It is a relatively simple process to replicate the communication, interaction, and emotional patterns that were previously observed in our parents' relationships. Similarly, it is also relatively straightforward to resort to violence as a means of resolving some of the relationships we have with our partners.

It is therefore probable that this issue does not originate from an individual's personal characteristics, but rather from the familial influences that have been internalised. These influences may lack a comprehensive personality system that could assist in supporting and managing the internal unrest and conflicts experienced between individuals.

What is the most effective method for addressing the conflicting desires for intimacy and the accompanying anxiety about gaining and losing?

The initial step is to identify one's core needs by engaging in a profound introspective process.

When individuals consistently exhibit a preference for different partners, it frequently indicates an underlying tendency to fill an inner void. This void is often driven by an inability to truly be alone.

Therefore, it can be posited that having quality time alone is the initial step towards achieving a sense of relief.

It is possible to afford oneself more space to be alone.

It is recommended that you engage in activities that align with your personal interests and observe your behavior in these contexts. This will help you gain insight into your character traits and aspirations.

What are your aspirations for your partner? By gradually deepening communication with oneself through these steps, one can obtain a rational reference.

It is recommended that you engage in discourse with individuals who possess greater maturity and experience.

One might inquire as to the rationale behind this assertion.

It is frequently challenging for individuals to fully acknowledge their own shortcomings. This is why the perspectives of close friends and trusted advisors can be invaluable.

As the adage states, there is always someone to learn from in a group of three. Our interactions with others are more about helping us understand the parts of ourselves that we cannot see clearly by referring to the role of a bystander.

In other words, it is a form of learning that enhances wisdom and provides an effective avenue for personal growth through the acquisition of sound advice.

It is imperative to provide oneself with greater emotional value, recognition, appreciation, and love.

What are the criteria for maturity?

These individuals possess stable emotional values, a core inner confidence, and a sense of self-assurance.

In the event of a conflict, it is possible to resolve the issue at hand and then address the relationship.

This understanding is derived from a profound sense of identity, love, and appreciation for oneself. When one has a more nuanced grasp of their identity and emotional stability, they are better equipped to engage in communication with others in a relaxed and confident manner.

This sense of relaxation will also facilitate a greater sense of comfort and satisfaction for the other person. Over time, a sense of security can be gradually established.

This kind of training is beneficial, but it necessitates a greater degree of patience, affection, and self-care.

It is my hope that these resources will prove beneficial, and I look forward to continuing to interact with you.

It is my hope that these resources will prove beneficial to you. You are encouraged to maintain communication with me.

Dear questioner, I'm here to help!

You say you'll keep on liking different people, which is totally normal! It's not easy feeling secure in intimate relationships, though.

I get the feeling you're not totally happy with this version of yourself right now. I don't know much about your childhood, but I'm here to listen if you want to talk.

I'd love to know more about your relationship with your parents. I think your past experiences might be influencing your current situation.

It's totally normal to feel insecure in an intimate relationship. Many people find it tough to build up a sense of security during a relationship.

Security is different for everyone, and that's okay! Especially when the person you meet isn't ready to take the next step, it's natural to worry and feel restless.

You say you keep falling for different people, but does that mean one relationship follows another, almost without a break? I get the feeling you might be feeling a little unsure of yourself.

I'm not sure what you think, sweetheart. Do you like or dislike the other person? Do you trust your gut or your so-called love brain?

Take a moment to think about who you really like. What attracts you to that person?

I'd love to know what it is about him that you find so attractive!

The wonderful period of intense human love lasts about a year and a half. Our hormones naturally cause this passion to subside.

People in a relationship are all a little crazy, but that's okay!

You're ready to make progress! Great! First, think about whether there's a reasonable aspect to your behavior that you could work on. Then, think about what area you need to improve. You can make changes slowly. Life always has its own roadmap, and you don't have to be too strict with yourself.

You will learn, grow, and improve slowly here, and we're here to support you every step of the way!

If you think it would help, you should also contact a counselor for an in-depth chat about making slow progress.

I love the world, and the world loves me right back!

Good day, You mentioned that you find it easy to fall in love and that you keep liking different people.

In the absence of a sense of security in an intimate relationship, it is challenging to facilitate growth.

First, let us examine why you find it easy to fall in love and subsequently form relationships with different individuals. Both "love" and "like" imply a longing to be with someone.

However, "love" is "actively given happiness," with the subject being the other person. This means understanding how to make the other person happy. Like is "happy, pleased, and joyful," and one can say they like someone or like an object. In this context, the subject is "me, myself."

It can be transformed from liking to love. Therefore, when you like someone, you can discern whether you like or love them, or whether you just need company.

It is important to distinguish between these concepts because different subjects will have different relationship patterns and gain different experiences.

Let's revisit the concept of "sense of security." This is formed in the interaction and connection between infants and their parents (key caregivers). You referenced "attachment mode" in the context of sense of security. Different attachment modes can impact our relationships with our partners.

There are four attachment styles: secure, avoidant, anxious-ambivalent, and disorganized.

The first attachment style is secure.

The individual is able to regulate their emotions effectively.

The individual must have sufficient security to discuss emotions or engage in challenging conversations.

Dependable, supportive, and trustworthy.

Demonstrates the ability to address conflict directly and effectively.

Demonstrates reliability and trustworthiness in relationships.

There is consistency between words and actions.

Demonstrates openness, growth, and curiosity in relationships.

Item No. 2: Anxious Attachment Pattern

This individual is consistently apprehensive about the prospect of being abandoned in a relationship and experiences significant insecurity.

Demonstrates a high level of sensitivity to the emotional states of others.

May deliberately instigate conflict in order to foster a sense of proximity.

It is challenging to set and maintain clear boundaries and respect the boundaries of others.

Often neglects self-care in the context of relationships.

In response to external stimuli, the individual displays a high level of emotional reactivity.

No. 3 Avoidant Attachment Pattern:

As the relationship progresses to an intimate level, they tend to distance themselves and reject others. If their needs are not met, they may end the relationship abruptly.

Despite lacking the ability to connect with others, they possess an intrinsic desire and apprehension.

This individual is self-reliant and may be reluctant to rely on or trust others.

The individual displays a tendency to be selective and lacks empathy, which presents a challenge in understanding the needs of others.

No. 4 Disordered Attachment Pattern:

In a relationship, they exhibit inconsistent behavior, vacillating between pushing the other person away and pulling them back. This can manifest as a sudden shift from a lack of need for the other person to an intense desire for their proximity.

Intimacy can be overwhelming or irritating for them.

This can result in chaos or the re-experiencing of childhood experiences, even when the other person is a secure partner.

Do not trust others or yourself.

There is a simultaneous longing for intimacy and a tendency to worry and fear being unable to let go of the other person or being abandoned, which leads to a preference for withdrawing from the relationship.

Individuals with secure attachment patterns tend to exhibit confidence, flexibility, and resilience.

If our attachment patterns are insecure, it will be challenging for us to trust others and we may experience feelings of anxiety, stress, or fear when forming an emotional connection with our partner. Fortunately, attachment patterns are not fixed and can be modified through growth and development.

When we learn to meet our own needs, take care of ourselves, or establish healthy boundaries, we become more secure.

I hope this information has been helpful to you.

I'm listening, Master Ali. Thank you for your question.

Hi, I'm Zeyu.

You mentioned the "love brain" and how to grow. Here's my view on these two issues.

If you can't stop liking different people and getting lovey-dovey, the simplest thing to do is just stop liking people.

This statement seems unreliable, but I mean not letting the questioner seal his heart and never fall in love again. The questioner is easily infatuated, so we need to take precautions to resist temptation.

If you feel insecure in an intimate relationship, you're more likely to fall in love with someone else. You might hope to find security with the other person, but if they can't give you what you want, you might fall in love with someone who is more obedient. This is a subconscious process, and in reality, you'll probably blame it on love and ignore the deeper reasons. Meeting deep-seated needs can help us resist love.

The following two methods can help you feel more secure in your relationship.

1. Make the relationship more certain. If the other person makes you feel unsafe, you cannot be certain.

Stability requires understanding. If you think of him when you have a problem, you know he'll help. If you have many similar experiences, you're secure.

2. We need space and boundaries in an intimate relationship. The other person can't meet all our security needs. We need to look inward to find what kind of security we lack and then try to achieve self-satisfaction.

The questioner's question can be seen as a growth experience, even if they don't see it that way.

Happy New Year, Questioner! I really hope my answer can be of some help to you.

You say that you easily fall in love, that you keep falling for different people, and that you feel insecure in intimate relationships. You want to know how you can grow. As you know, it is not easy to manage a stable, long-lasting relationship. Perhaps it is precisely because we feel insecure in relationships that when a relationship progresses further and enters a period of adjustment, we start to choose other people. But every relationship actually follows the pattern of going from romance to adjustment, so we keep changing people and repeating the same pattern over and over again. Is that what is happening with you?

I can see from your question that you still really hope you can gain stable, long-lasting intimacy. I completely understand! But to break this pattern, we need to first adjust our inner patterns. And the good news is that security actually comes from within. When we can adjust our inner patterns and become securely attached, we will feel secure in intimate relationships and will no longer want to switch to different people. Instead, we will learn to manage a stable relationship with the same person and have the ability to truly love.

I'd love to offer you some friendly advice!

It's so important to understand the laws of love development. Every relationship will go through a period of conflict, but don't worry! This doesn't mean the end of the relationship. It's actually a necessary path for a long-lasting and stable relationship.

Love is so much more than just passion and romance. As a relationship grows and changes, the passion and romance naturally shift and evolve. Intimate relationships often go through four stages: the passion stage, the adjustment stage, the introspection stage, and the enlightenment stage.

When we're in the throes of passion, our brains are in love mode. It's totally normal to see the good things in the other person during this period. But, this feeling of bliss usually only lasts three to six months, or at most a year. After that, the intimate relationship will enter the trial period. During this time, the passion slowly fades, and the problems in each other's bodies will continue to be exposed. If both parties feel that the conflicts between them cannot be reconciled, for example, if both want the other to change, it can be easy to trigger conflicts and contradictions. This can even lead to a breakup. But, don't fret! A relationship can only enter the introspection period after it has passed the trial period. During this period, we begin to reflect on ourselves. We stop obsessing about the other person's problems and start looking for the causes in ourselves. We understand our own patterns and see what kind of responsibility we need to take in the intimate relationship and in conflicts. We also learn to embrace our inner child. This helps the intimate relationship enter a higher and deeper stage, which is a state of deep intimacy.

So, when we like someone but can't get along with them well until the end, it just means that we've always stayed in the first stage of intimacy. When the passion fades, it can feel like there's no love left. But true and profound love needs to be constantly tempered and rebuilt in order to gradually be built up. This requires a foundation of affection, but more importantly, it takes effort, time, and energy to manage and maintain.

2. It's so important to be aware of your inner patterns and see your inner needs.

If you can take a deep breath and look inside yourself, you'll see that many of our emotions come from a deep longing for security in our earliest experiences. In our intimate relationships, we often retreat to a place in our childhood where we felt safe and loved. This unmet need from our childhood can become a need in our relationship.

So, it might be helpful to think about what you value most in an intimate relationship. What do you need the most from your partner?

What do you hope to get out of an intimate relationship? Is it to feel cared for?

Do you feel understood? Do you feel recognized?

Do you feel supported and respected?

Is there anything else I can help you with? Once you've identified these core needs, you can then share them with your partner and work together to meet them in a way that feels good for both of you. When you're meeting your core needs in a relationship, it's like a warm, safe hug that gives you a sense of security and love.

3. Accept your imperfections and learn to care for yourself, my dear friend.

It's so important to remember that if we want to feel secure in an intimate relationship, we need to look within ourselves, change our inner patterns, and constantly try, practice, and get used to trusting ourselves. We should constantly understand and develop ourselves. When we do that, our trust in ourselves, that sense of inner strength and sense of security, becomes the source of our sense of security in any relationship.

If we want to change our inner patterns, we have to start by learning to accept our imperfections. We can't keep focusing on our shortcomings if we want to learn to accept ourselves. When we learn to accept ourselves, we can learn to let go of the dissatisfaction and anger we felt towards our parents during childhood. And only when we learn to care for ourselves can we learn to take care of our own feelings and needs, gradually building up a sense of inner security and strength.

I really think you'd benefit from reading two books on self-acceptance: "Accepting an Imperfect Self" and "Rebuilding Your Life." I've also written an article on the topic of self-acceptance that you can read for reference. Using lots of self-acceptance exercises to gradually improve your level of self-acceptance is also a great form of self-care.

When it comes to self-care, I highly recommend reading the book "The Power of Self-Care." It's a great resource! And, of course, it's important to practice self-care in real life. This could mean setting aside time to do the things you enjoy, taking care of your feelings and needs, caring for and supporting yourself like your best friend, or taking care of your body. All of these things require practice and effort, but they're so worth it!

I truly believe that when you find some positive experiences through continuous self-acceptance and self-care practices, you will become more and more confident. When you take care of your emotions and other needs well enough, and continue to grow through your own efforts, your internal patterns will also enter a virtuous cycle, and then your heart will be full of a sense of security and worthiness. Naturally, you will also feel more secure in relationships.

I hope this is helpful for you! Sending you lots of love and happiness!