What should I do if I'm depressed and lose my temper easily?

The gift is appreciated. Be grateful for the opportunity to connect.

From your description, I can discern your emotions and your frustration at being unable to control them. While your husband is considerate and tolerant, you are experiencing a deterioration in your own emotional state.

Please describe the situation.

You indicated that when you initially encountered your husband, you were emotionally stable and able to comprehend each other's perspectives swiftly. You were able to engage in lengthy discussions, as if you had discovered a perfect match. My husband and I also had a strong rapport when we first met, and I perceived him to possess a wealth of knowledge and insight.

Due to his apparent talents in both arts and crafts, I had developed a highly positive impression of him. However, after living together after marriage, I realized that he is not as capable as I had assumed. He is proficient in cooking, highly attentive and accommodating, takes care of the family, loves me and the children, selects clothes for me, and provides support in pursuing my interests. However, he lacks the ability to perform complex tasks and has a limited perspective.

I believe he should take the initiative and take the lead, but the reality is that he is not the male protagonist in a TV drama. In the first few years of marriage, we had many disagreements because our living habits and styles of doing things were different. Later, we continued to work through our differences, and now we can draw on each other's strengths in life.

Dear colleague, It is not that he has changed, but that you have lived with him and discovered that he is not the perfect image you imagined, but is very different. Therefore, your expectations of him will be repeatedly disappointed, and you will become increasingly disappointed in him. My feeling is that your husband is also quite family-oriented and very sensitive, but not the kind of macho man. He also has a lot of good points, but you expect a lot more than that. Think about why you married him in the first place. Best regards,

In comparison to men who leave all domestic responsibilities to their wives, the current man who is willing to do laundry, cooking, and housework at home, earn money, and be considerate is already a significant improvement. The fact that he has not committed domestic violence or left despite being scolded frequently by you demonstrates that he genuinely cares for you.

It is also important to note that he has some shortcomings, including a lack of direction, inattentiveness to details, and a tendency to be somewhat sloppy. These issues can lead to frustration on your part. However, it is essential to recognize that nobody is perfect, and everyone has both strengths and weaknesses.

If you continue to reprimand him, he will become increasingly discouraged and more cautious in his actions, which will not meet your expectations.

It is possible that his family of origin was also very strong-willed, with his mother always in control and his father being constantly belittled. He has inherited his mother's feminine traits and his father's masculine traits have been suppressed. Therefore, without awakening and changing, he cannot be the man standing in your way for now.

It is important to note that these behaviors are not the result of personal shortcomings on his part. If you continue to engage in these patterns with him and maintain a consistently critical tone, you may inadvertently reinforce his sense of inadequacy. Conversely, if you demonstrate a willingness to express your vulnerabilities and offer praise for his strengths, you can facilitate his growth and development.

You should strive to be more capable, and in comparison, he seems particularly inept.

Allow him to have his shortcomings too, and focus on his strengths. Adjust your communication style to be more constructive, for example, from "Why are you so sloppy?" to "Be careful next time, or it could be dangerous."

Mr. Huang Shiming once said, "A person cannot change unless he feels loved, respected, and understood." If you require a change in behavior, it is essential to adjust your own approach first.

The magnifying glass of life reveals numerous details about his imperfections. Attempt to view him from a different perspective and you will gradually develop a greater appreciation for him, both emotionally and professionally.

I hope this information is useful to you. I wish you the best of luck!

Good evening, questioner.

I'm Kelly.

Let's talk about your mood and temper tantrums.

Awareness is the first step to change. It's normal to feel bad.

People who don't express their emotions may not be emotionless. They may be repressing them.

I went through something similar. A lot happened at that time.

You were a stable person who rarely lost your temper. You were happy with your husband and understood each other. We are glad we met!

This is the start. The questioner is also thinking back and looking for answers. Maybe you're confused about why you used to be more calm, but now you get angry easily.

Your relationship is strong.

When you bought a house, you were under a lot of pressure from work and money. You often argued with your husband because he couldn't get the home renovations right.

1: You feel he can't do things well under pressure.

Everyone feels pressure when buying a house. Women are less able to withstand it than men.

2: He loves you more and has also given you important family responsibilities.

Are we professionals at decorating?

Maybe it's not that, but we have the chance to take charge of this renovation and make it our own.

We'll feel pain and pressure, so we'll turn to him for comfort.

But there's someone who can handle their emotions.

Studying psychology taught me that it's good to vent.

But you also become more aware. This is always the case in a relationship. You reflect and draw conclusions after something happens.

Let's think about this:

1: How would I feel if someone scolded me like this?

2: If the person who scolds you doesn't love you, are you willing to put up with it?

3: Marriage is a partnership where one person is stronger and the other is weaker.

4: When problems arise, you will find solutions, for example by asking questions on Yi Psychology.

5: Emotions make us sick. They don't help.

6: Did arguments in the past solve problems? Did they make your relationship better, or did you become more distant?

7: You have a foundation for loving each other. Have you copied your parents' relationship?

8: You don't want to scold him, but you do. That was also the case when I first came to Yi Xin.

I took an emotional class and found some of the emotional repression I had in my family. Through learning, I found the source.

9: Get professional emotional counseling. Platform teacher Li Hesheng is my emotional class teacher and also a platform counselor. You can make an appointment with the teacher for several counseling sessions. (This is just my suggestion, and you should decide for yourself.)

10: We find the source of our emotions and work through them with a therapist.

I came to Yixin in March because of emotional problems. They have now stabilized.

11: The questioner is perceptive and reflective.

He is considerate to you and you have started living debt-free, stress-free and with freedom to work.

I'm happy for you that you've found someone who loves you and accepts you.

I don't know if you have children. Women change after marriage for many reasons.

1. During pregnancy, your body will change.

2. Postpartum emotions can change too.

3: Some fear the unknown.

4: How parents treat each other affects how their children treat each other. Think about how your parents treated you when you were young.

How do mom and dad interact?

5: Your husband makes you feel secure, so you can act like a wayward child.

6: You're both new to love, marriage, and married life. You can encourage each other, affirm each other, and be more patient as he grows.

7: The questioner may be capable. There's a saying that lazy mothers have diligent children, or stupid mothers have clever babies. The same is true in marriage.

8: Women are insecure.

Longing for a husband who can make money and spoil you is a strength.

9: Marriage needs to be managed after falling in love.

10: The questioner allows himself to have such a stage. The pressure before may have been too great.

Maybe you want to change but can't. I came to Yi Xinli and found friends with the same problems. I'll think about them in their stories.

11: People often expect their husbands to be good at everything. Do you remember Li Ao's first marriage?

He doesn't understand why his new wife is beautiful but knows nothing.

We should be more tolerant when we understand that it takes time for someone to learn and grow.

Read the book Growing in Relationships. Forget yourself in front of others, but don't lose yourself. Build a relationship based on understanding and trust.

Trusting him is a skill. Let's grow together and use psychology to improve our lives.

Believe in yourself. It will be better for you and your husband if you have the ability. Talk to your husband about how you feel and tell him about your stress. You will also find your initial feelings.

The topic owner can join in if he wants. We can learn from each other's stories.

Best wishes!

Click "Find a coach" in the top right or bottom to continue communicating. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello! You asked, "You're in a bad mood and get angry easily."

I praise you for your self-awareness and self-discipline.

Let's look at your problem.

You said you used to be calm. Before you met your husband, you often stayed up chatting.

The other person understands you and is grateful to have met you. A few years ago, you bought a house and faced work and money pressures. You and he often argued, and you nagged him.

For example, you may dislike that he can never get anything done because of the home renovations. Since then, you've become more angry and scold him more often.

He paid off his debts, is free from pressure, and works from home. Do you mean he works alone?

He does the laundry, cooking, housework, and earns money. You're still not satisfied because you want him to be the man who can take care of you.

You listed four things he did.

1. He went to the hospital 3 times and still couldn't find his car.

2. You're happy to share the new changes in the family with him, but he looks confused.

3. Yesterday, he dropped a big piece of aluminum from the 26th floor while fixing the window. It was dangerous and careless.

4. Put things in the fridge. Ask him why, and he says he doesn't know which go in the freezer and which in the fridge.

You're confused. Why did you stop understanding each other? You say he's stupid and wants to change, but he can't.

You don't feel you can rely on him. Is it because you're too arrogant, he spoils you, or you're too strong-willed?

After helping you, I feel that the person we are looking for has some similarities and has also experienced the dilemma you are in. I will give you some perspective.

Find the good in your husband.

Your husband may not be as capable as you, but he is devoted to the family. He takes responsibility for family tasks.

Men in this situation often don't have a strong sense of career. We hope that we can improve the status of our family business and the quality of our family life.

You may find that the man around you cannot help you. You wanted to find someone to lead you to a better life, but instead found someone who needs you to lead him. The joy you felt during the relationship has been overwhelmed by the pressure and burden of life, and you may start to hide things from him.

Ask yourself what you like about him. You may find the answer if you ask yourself more questions.

Psychologists say that intimate relationships are the hardest to handle. If you can handle one, you can handle the rest.

When two people first get together, they are attracted to each other. They see each other's good points and may not even notice the shortcomings. This is the famous "halo effect" in psychology. As the two spend more time together, they realize that there are still some shortcomings in the other person. At this time, staring at each other's shortcomings is uncomfortable.

Marriage is not love. A family needs care.

Read Intimacy by Roland Miller.

This book explains how relationships develop. Couples can have the same or different personalities. Some couples are happy, while others are not.

You and your husband are a good match. Reading this book will help you manage your marriage.

Best wishes to the original poster! I hope my answer helps.

Hello, question asker!

From what you've said, it seems like you have certain expectations of your husband. Is that right?

What kind of support do you draw on to come here and look for answers in this difficult situation?

I'd like to ask the questioner to be more aware of when they don't feel this way. What were you doing at the time? What was the environment like?

Who was it with?

From what you said, it seems like you were pretty emotionally stable before. What does "stable" mean to you? Does it mean you don't lose your temper, or that you're calm and peaceful when dealing with people and things?

From what you've said, it seems like your husband should care about you a lot and be very tolerant of you. Is that right?

You need to be more aware of what kind of husband you want. If a miracle happened and your husband followed the model you want, would you be any different?

From what you've told me, it seems like you're looking for more care and love from your husband. Is that right?

There's a saying in psychology that I think is worth mentioning: change. It's often said that everyone else is crazy, and that the only way to get better is by changing yourself.

Everyone has their own desires and needs. It may be great before marriage, but after marriage, because of the daily necessities, you may have to say no to a lot of things, which is totally normal and shows that you are virtuous.

I don't know what you've decided, but I hope my advice on a late-night snack helps you get rid of your bad mood.

First, adjust your mindset and learn a new way of communicating.

From what you said, I can tell you're disappointed and feel helpless towards your husband. What you really want is for him to protect you, not worry about things outside your control. But we can change our mindset and learn to communicate effectively. That's the only way to solve problems.

Second, focus on the benefits.

In your description, your husband also likes to do housework and take care of the children, so you can focus on the advantages and strengths of your husband. What are your strengths? You can focus on these advantages and strengths, and you can experience the real feeling of being a mother. Although he will never grow up, he has been with you all the way. Such a husband is also worth having.

And then, let go of any negative emotions.

You also started having negative thoughts. They were unprofessional and slow to respond, but we're now able to relax and feel more confident.

If you need help, you can also get it from a professional resource.

You can get help from a professional counselor, or you can ask your family or a teacher you met while studying psychology.

Ultimately, I believe that women shouldn't reason with men. If your husband handles the children and household tasks, it's beneficial for you to dedicate time to yourself and pursue your interests. It's a positive arrangement.

Previously, you and your husband enjoyed a stable and happy relationship. However, the dual pressures of work and money have led to increased conflict in your lives. While your husband is a considerate earner of money and takes care of all the household chores, he has also experienced difficulties adjusting to the changes in the new home, lacks flexibility in various aspects of life, and has been confused by the changes in the home.

When a relationship reaches a point where it cannot be restored to its previous state, and when the relationship itself becomes challenging and ineffective, it is beneficial to reflect on what has transpired and to recognize the unusual nature of one's emotional involvement.

Feelings that can be self-reflected are open to adjustment. I hope that the following information will provide you with some support and more ideas for breaking through the current impasse.

First, view him as an individual, rather than as your husband.

The value of the past is based on the fact that there is a high level of mutual understanding and the ability to comprehend each other's perspectives quickly. The pressure of work and financial concerns in the past have overshadowed this implicit understanding in the routine matters of life.

Now that the initial pressure has dissipated, it is important to recognize that the pattern of interactions between you and your colleague has become somewhat predictable. To address this, it is essential to shift your perspective and view your colleague from a different vantage point. This will allow you to identify new and different aspects about them that you may have overlooked.

Examine his actions anew, this time without the influence of personal bias or familial expectations. View him as a member of the public, observing and commenting on his behavior objectively. In addition to noting his carelessness, you may also discern what he is discreetly safeguarding behind his clumsiness.

Secondly, endeavour to revisit the initial stages of the relationship, when there was a greater level of unfamiliarity.

As time progresses, familiarity can diminish the sense of novelty and curiosity.

It is recommended that you allow this aspect of curiosity and novelty to gradually re-emerge over time. A person who is overly reliant on external advice is unlikely to possess the necessary resilience to take the initiative and assume a leading role. It is not possible to simultaneously pursue two mutually exclusive outcomes.

If you consider which outcome you desire more strongly, you will gain the resolve to accommodate the other party's lack of resolve.

3. In addition to displaying frustration, you can also "act spoiled" and find resolution in a more conciliatory approach.

It is evident that the husband's affection is profound and unwavering. His brief temper is indicative of his frustration at being unable to obtain what he desires.

Demanding requests can create a sense of distance between individuals, whereas expressing expectations with care can foster closeness.

It would be beneficial to express your expectations in a different way. This should help to ease the tense atmosphere and give your partner a better chance of expressing their own sensitivity, which should in turn improve the relationship.

It is my hope that the above information will prove useful and inspiring.

It is my hope that the above information will prove useful to you.

As a psychotherapist, my focus is not on exploring human nature but on supporting the human heart. I wish you well.

Dear Landlord, I hope my response is of some assistance to you.

After reviewing the host's description, I believe it is commendable. It is possible that such a husband can generate income, perform housework, and accept your disciplinary actions. He is a rare find.

It is therefore important to identify the root cause of the dissatisfaction. You have identified that you feel unsupported and that the spiritual connection you once shared has diminished. This is a result of a discrepancy between your expectations of your husband and his actual capabilities. Despite his desire to change, he is unable to do so, leading to feelings of unreliability and disappointment.

This does not necessarily indicate strength or barbarism. It is simply a matter of adjusting expectations, improving communication, and fostering understanding and tolerance in relationships. By accepting and seeing each other more, we can achieve much better results.

I advise you to:

1. Accept your husband's inherent characteristics. It is not possible to alter another individual's nature.

As stated in "A Change of Heart," there are three categories of matters: one's own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of Heaven. The source of our distress is that we do not control our own affairs, but instead concern ourselves with other people's affairs and the affairs of Heaven.

The thoughts and actions of others are not within our control. Your husband is an independent individual, and his actions and thoughts are influenced by a number of factors, including his genes, upbringing, education, and living environment. As a result, he is who he is.

The thoughts and actions of other people are outside of our control. Your husband is an independent individual, and his behavior and thoughts are shaped by his genetic makeup, upbringing, education, and living environment. Therefore, he is the way he is, and if he does not want to change, there is nothing we can do to change him. Even you have noticed that he wants to change, but he is unable to do so.

While it is not possible to change him, there are ways to change ourselves. We can attempt to accept him and communicate our needs and feelings to him.

When you accept the individual for who they are, you will not be repulsed by their actions, but rather remain calm and collected. This is the genuine person they are, not the idealized version you may have imagined. They have their own limitations, but they love you unconditionally. Their approach to love may differ from what you initially expected, but that does not diminish their love for you.

2. Adjust your expectations of your husband to a reasonable level.

It is often the case that disappointment, frustration, or anger arise due to expectations that are set too high. Conversely, it is also not beneficial to have expectations that are set too low.

It is important to manage expectations in a relationship. Having unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and frustration. It is crucial to strike a balance between having high expectations and setting realistic goals. Having too high or too low expectations can negatively impact the relationship. It is essential to maintain a reasonable and achievable level of expectations.

Expectations are the driving force of love. If you have no further expectations of someone, it indicates a lack of desire or interest. Such psychological expectations will negatively impact the relationship. Therefore, it is not beneficial to have expectations that are either too high or too low. Reasonable expectations are essential.

What is meant by "reasonable expectations"?

It means that if you understand your own core needs and the other person's

It is important to understand your own core needs and the character traits, strengths, and weaknesses of the other person. Guide them to do what they can, especially for your core needs, and accept what they cannot change. This will likely result in fewer worries in the relationship.

To illustrate, a friend of mine, who is highly capable and earns a substantial income, but lacks a sense of security, has found a down-to-earth, ordinary husband who is warm and caring. She requires the other person to provide comprehensive support, including assistance with domestic tasks and childcare. Thoughtfulness, consideration, and family warmth are the other person's strengths, and they are what the other person can and is willing to do, thus meeting her core needs. This is a reasonable expectation.

However, when she encountered a financial crisis at work, it was unreasonable to expect her husband to immediately become a financial expert and help her solve all the problems. He lacks the corresponding abilities. He is unable to make money or manage a company. It is unreasonable to expect such a transformation overnight and to ask the other person to do things outside their capabilities. This is demanding too much, and expectations need to be adjusted.

I advised my colleague to consider what assistance the other party could provide during this economic downturn. For instance, could they assume responsibility for the logistics of your services, take on a greater role in childcare and family matters, allowing you to focus on external challenges?

After adjusting her expectations and finding that her husband was able to cooperate well with her to complete these logistical tasks, allowing her to focus on dealing with the company's problems, she later discovered that she was also fully capable of resolving the crisis. As a result, she gradually let go, and their relationship was promptly repaired.

Similarly, you can demonstrate to your husband how he can provide you with the support you require.

3. With regard to emotions, it is recommended that you express them more frequently and in a more open manner. It is not an effective method to release emotions by losing your temper.

Your tendency to display a bad temper in front of your husband may be attributed to a sense of security and comfort in his presence, which allows you to express your frustration more freely. Conversely, your ability to maintain composure in other social settings suggests that your husband provides a certain level of stability and assurance, which enables you to regulate your emotions more effectively. However, frequent instances of irritability and anger indicate that your inner world may be experiencing instability. Emotions are not solely driven by outbursts or repression but rather require a constructive and appropriate outlet.

The following methods can be employed to relieve and release stress and emotions, thereby maintaining inner peace and stability:

If you are seeking to eliminate pain, you may choose to express your deepest feelings and thoughts in writing. There is no need to concern yourself with the neatness of your handwriting or the logic of your content; simply express yourself as much as you see fit. Alternatively, you may wish to identify an appropriate individual with whom to discuss your inner worries and stress, while simultaneously receiving the love and support of your friends.

If the issue is self-negation, it is important to enhance one's sense of self-identification, provide frequent positive feedback to oneself, engage in consistent self-affirmation, and expand one's knowledge base by reading books such as "Accept Yourself: Transcend Your Inherent Weaknesses" and "Accept Your Imperfections."

If the issue is self-negation, it may be helpful to improve one's sense of self-identification, give oneself positive and positive evaluations, and practice self-affirmation. Additionally, reading books such as "Accept Yourself: Transcend Your Inherent Weaknesses" and "Accept Your Imperfections" can be beneficial.

If you are experiencing sadness due to a particular individual, you may wish to identify a suitable contact with whom you can engage in a frank and open dialogue. This process of communication can help to alleviate feelings of depression by allowing you to express your needs and receive support in return.

If you require a method of releasing anger, you may wish to consider engaging in strenuous exercise, such as boxing, running, or kicking. Alternatively, you could utilise stress balls, pillows or sandbags, or even paper for tearing. Another option is the empty chair technique, which involves placing an empty chair in a room and assuming that the person you wish to communicate with is sitting in it. You can then express your thoughts and feelings, including any anger or abuse, to the chair as much as you like.

The aforementioned information is for reference only. I wish you success!

Hello, question asker. I'm Evan.

The questioner feels they lose their temper easily in intimate relationships. They also feel their husband is different from how they were in their first relationship. Is this correct? It seems the questioner wants their relationship to stay in a state of first love forever. However, being in a relationship and being married are different.

The questioner is also reflecting on himself. He feels he may have been spoiled and cannot change his mindset. Has the questioner ever reflected on why he loses his temper at his husband when he is in a low mood?

Does the questioner feel they can't rely on their family? If something breaks or isn't put away, how can the questioner remind their husband?

What if you don't do it right? Is it serious?

Why can't the questioner rely on anyone? This requires self-reflection.

You need to think about what you want from your marriage. Do you want to be able to talk to your partner about things without them getting upset? Or do you want them to do exactly what you say?

Where do these views come from? You need to understand them yourself.

I can only suggest ways to save the marriage. I hope the questioner can improve it.

Know yourself.

Why does the question asker treat her husband this way? What is the question asker thinking? Is marriage no longer like being in love? Why does the question asker think this way?

Is there any influence from the original family? When you have a temper, you can release it on your husband.

The older generation's communication style affects the question asker's view of how husband and wife should communicate. These ideas also influence the question asker's own family.

If you keep repeating the same pattern, it will affect your family. Some people think you can only release your emotions in your own family. This makes the questioner keep releasing their emotions on their husband. The questioner can be aware of this themselves.

Is this how the questioner sees things? To manage a marriage, you need to communicate well with your spouse. You can try to express your feelings in a more moderate way or find your husband's strengths and praise them.

Talk to each other.

When we were young, we wanted things we didn't have. As we grew up, we hoped to make up for it. Is the question asker looking for a relationship that makes her feel more secure and gives her more support?

The questioner must talk to her husband to improve their relationship. When the questioner talks to her husband about their marriage, remember:

Admit your mistakes. Don't refuse to communicate.

Tell your husband you know nobody's perfect. Even though you know each other well and are married, you should still enjoy the passion of love, not argue over trivial matters. Be brave and admit you made a mistake. You've been feeling down because of your emotions, which is why you've been so short-tempered. Ask your husband to work with you to manage your marriage.

Get help from a marriage therapist.

If you and your husband don't communicate well, you can ask a professional for help. What would a marriage counselor suggest about the questioner's pattern in intimate relationships, about confiding in a counselor about their reasons, and about the subsequent development of the marriage?

Ask your husband if he's willing to make changes for your marriage. Ask if he'll see a marriage counselor.

Ask your husband if he loves you and if he'll help your relationship.

Arguments are allowed.

Even loving couples argue. This is usually because they don't see eye to eye. A couple's bond is based on love. When they first met, they stood in each other's shoes. But after marriage, they stop thinking from the other's perspective.

To save your marriage, you need to learn to argue effectively.

Something happened before marriage. Your husband is attracted to the questioner. If only the questioner is throwing a tantrum, where is the husband's bottom line?

Don't attack people personally. Attack ideas, not people.

Sometimes a characteristic needs to be criticized. But too often it feels like a serious mockery and leads to more attacks than it brings the two people together.

Both people in a marriage are responsible for it.

Marriage is a choice made by two people. You can compare it to a company.

The questioner is also partly responsible for the direction of the marriage. I suggest that the questioner communicate with her husband and gain his approval.

Admit your own shortcomings when communicating with your husband. This means you want to improve your relationship. If your husband doesn't consider everything thoroughly, you should work together to solve the problem.

A good marriage requires that the husband and wife share the same goals and communicate honestly. If the other person doesn't understand, you can reflect on why. Always losing your temper is not good for a marriage. The questioner should communicate with her husband. If she can gain her husband's approval, her marriage will improve.

I hope this helps.

Dear host,

I'm so happy to share some thoughts on this topic with you!

I just wanted to circle back to what the original poster said above.

I hope these suggestions are helpful for you!

The host feels that her husband has so many wonderful qualities. Would you be willing to start by talking about the positive aspects?

For example, he does the laundry, the cooking, the housework, he earns the money, and he is considerate of me.

On a scale of 0 to 10, how satisfied are you with your husband?

—— This question is a great way to figure out if you're just feeling a bit unsatisfied or if there's something more going on.

2. It's clear that the original poster is looking for a partner who can stand by their side through thick and thin, making life a more high-quality and comfortable state. Empathy is therefore very important.

You said, "I always want him to be the man in front of me, but the truth is that he's always holding me back."

I just wanted to check in and see if there's anything else I can help with.

Is it your need or your partner's need to be the man who can lead you? If your partner is willing, how much are you willing to give?

In a marriage, it's so important to find a way to "dynamically balance the core value needs of both parties" so that you can maintain a relatively stable and feel-good marriage.

If you can agree on this part, then we can see what elements there are that can complement each other. It's not necessarily a step to satisfy your core needs simply by changing the other person's "attributes," but it's a great place to start!

It's so important to respect each other's differences. Even if someone is naturally caring, that doesn't mean they'll never become a domineering CEO.

It's not at all impossible! There are just a few things you need to keep in mind to make it happen.

For example, it would be really helpful to know what your partner values most in their natural character, relationships, or work.

How eager or persistent is your partner in pursuing personal growth?

Marriage is a dance for two people. If your partner is used to playing the role of the support player, but suddenly changes the game plan and becomes the lead,

So, are you and he ready to take on the role of the "home front"?

3. You know what really gets a man going? It's often the feminine trait of being "gentle as water" and "benefiting all things."

3. You know what really gets a man going? It's often the feminine trait of being "gentle as water" and "benefiting all things."

The Tao Te Ching says, "Water supports all things without contention." Isn't that a beautiful way to describe marriage and romantic relationships?

Men are naturally born with hunter attributes (this refers to most men, not 100%), so if you can activate a man's leadership status, it is more important to enhance their personal status, self-confidence, and sense of self-worth in the family. (Of course, it is also normal for men to gain a sense of achievement through work.)

If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask! I'm here to help in any way I can.

You might want to think about going back to being the flexible wife, showing a little weakness, or even turning a blind eye. Men often feel a lot of emotion and get moved by things. If you can go with the flow and give him some great advice, like how to tell the difference between raw and cold foods or the steps to success, he'll probably feel more responsible at home.

If you're looking for ways to handle your emotions more calmly, there are some helpful skills and techniques you can learn. It's also a great idea to find a marriage counselor or other professional who can create a plan just for you.

I really hope this helps! I wish you and your husband the best and hope you find a solution to your situation soon.

Gaining insight into the mind and making sharing a habit is key! I'm talking to myself here.

Individual psychology's Adler once said something really interesting to a couple whose marriage had fallen apart:

Tell me what you don't like about your spouse, and I'll tell you why you married that person in the first place.

It's human nature to focus on the advantages of a choice and avoid the disadvantages. We tend to see the positive aspects and block out the negative ones.

I'd like to ask you to close your eyes and think back to when you first met your husband. Ask yourself: what made you choose him and let him take your hand and walk you down the aisle?

I think that when you look back on your original choice, you'll be able to see more clearly into your own heart and it'll be easier for you to face the person you are today.

You might be wondering if you made the right choice.

I've read your words, and I don't think you made the wrong choice.

But you might be thinking, "Why am I living like this now? Why have I become so emotionally unstable?"

Why do I see everything in him as wrong?

If you were to ask, I think there'd still be a lot of questions.

These issues don't necessarily mean that your initial choice was wrong just because they exist.

Think about it. I think the reason you chose him in the first place was because he had something you lacked at the time. And now, after so many years, the changes in the surrounding environment, the ups and downs of life, and your own personal experience have all made it possible for your initial lack to have long since become abundant. When you grow up and mature, and look back at your lover, perhaps he hasn't grown as much as you have. Or perhaps, he still maintains the same true and persistent feelings for you as he did in the beginning. It seems that there has not been much change. Compared to you, you have become a bit "advanced," and he feels a bit "lagging behind."

This can lead to a situation where the person who was happy because of him may not be able to satisfy your needs anymore, and you may find fault with him. This can result in accusations, uncontrollable emotions, and a worsening temper.

Any choice, including a spouse and marriage, is a mutual limitation and trade-off based on each of our situations, perspectives, and knowledge at the time.

From what you've said, it seems that you haven't really looked at your husband objectively and in three dimensions since the beginning. You still doubt yourself. The original poster didn't say it outright, but it seems like you wonder if you were blind at the time.

How could you have married him without knowing more about him?

I haven't met your husband, but from what you've said, I really envy your happiness. Having someone like him by your side, someone who loves and cares for you and always treats you like a treasure, is I think every woman's lifelong pursuit.

When we choose our own lifelong happiness, we should be able to see our partner's flaws through their strengths.

We should be aware that his strengths will hide his weaknesses, and that his weaknesses will also show his strengths. We are all the same.

The key is that in a long marriage, when you know all this very well, can you take responsibility for your own choices?

One last thing:

In a marriage, it's important to remember not to let your own needs take over.

It's important to be able to judge your spouse.

And don't automatically use words like "you should," "you must," or "you have to."

These thoughts and words are designed to control your partner.

A man, your husband

He's just an ordinary person.

And he's an independent person.

With some hidden wounds, but also some light.

If you put yourself in the other person's shoes, you'll find that you and that person will grow closer and closer.

Show your love for each other in a meaningful way.

And don't take it for granted.

Don't take it for granted.

Dear questioner,

I'm a listening therapist. I'm happy to meet you here, Lingjing.

You used to be happy with your husband, but since you bought a house, you've been losing your temper. You get annoyed easily. This bothers you, and you understand why. Let me give you a hug.

Now that all debts are paid, I have the freedom to work from home. My husband also does the laundry, cooking, and housework. He is able to earn money and is considerate. I really envy you!

You know you're living a comfortable life and shouldn't ask for more. Good for you.

You are a capable woman who keeps her family in order. Your husband is clumsy and holding you back. You are angry, but also conflicted. I understand how you feel.

If you're unhappy now, you might want to go back to the past.

Think back to your childhood. How did your parents get along? Are there any similarities?

If you feel your husband can't satisfy you, are you expecting the same from him as your parents?

Second, it takes two to tango. Look at your partner's family too. Sometimes, one partner in a couple unconsciously shows weakness and makes mistakes in the relationship, repeating familiar patterns.

After that, you can try other ways to release your emotions. If you don't have a suitable outlet, it will just explode when you look at your husband and don't like what you see. If you can resolve it first, it won't be difficult to control.

Communication between husband and wife is the most important. If you don't know how to deal with your emotions, you can also seek professional help.

I'm an answerer, listener, consultant, manager, nutritionist, and Chinese medicine enthusiast. I hope to help you learn and summarize experiences to help others.

You know you always have a bad temper and get angry easily.

You and your husband had a good relationship before, but then you became short-tempered and always scolded your husband because of the pressure of repaying the mortgage on the house you bought. Later, the mortgage was paid off, and although there was no longer any financial pressure, you still lost your temper. You feel that your husband is clueless, careless, and a bit confused about common sense things in daily life. You want him to be the man who can stand in front of you and protect you from the wind and rain, not the confused man he is now.

You don't want this state of affairs, and you will figure out the cause and reconcile the situation.

You say you want to change and you're wondering if you've been spoiled. Good. You're aware of the situation and actively exploring ways to change. Many people are unaware of their own situation.

We will consider and think about what caused it.

There are typically three main causes of bad moods: physical, psychological, and environmental. These factors can also interact with each other.

1. Hormonal changes due to age and hormonal fluctuations during menstruation can trigger bad moods in women. Look for a pattern. Do you lose your temper during these periods?

2. Stress can lead to anxiety and thus irritability. Look for stress every time you lose your temper.

3. Your husband's absent-minded nature is the fuse that sets off your temper tantrums. It's time to face the facts. Has his absent-minded nature always been there or has it only recently appeared? You were able to accept and get along well before, so why can't you now?

Or is it that you and your husband simply no longer have anything in common?

4. If you can't chat as much as you did when you first got married, you need to figure out why. Is it because you're growing at different speeds?

He's not keeping up with you, is he? That's the fundamental problem between many couples. Over time, one party grows and improves while the other stays in the same place, leading to a big gap between them.

5. When you're feeling bad, you can adjust yourself.

Be aware of your emotions and give them appropriate outlets. When your emotions arise, acknowledge them. Then, try to calm the situation or simply observe it without acting.

You must practice this process to manage your emotions with awareness.

Take a step back and describe your feelings when you get emotional. This process will help you manage your emotions.

6. I strongly recommend that we women do more relaxing exercises, such as meditation, exercise, and going into nature to the woods to feel the breath and the scent of plants. You will gradually become happy inside.

7. Everyone has bad tempers and moods. Don't blame yourself. Adjust to it slowly. I'm also bad-tempered. Let's work on it together.

I am confident that my answer is helpful.

5.