What should I do when I am always self-critical and self-defeating when I fail to achieve my goals?

Hello, host. Thanks for the question. As the info says, when you don't meet your goals or don't do a good job, you'll probably feel self-critical and down on yourself. You might even start to worry that no one needs you anymore.

You didn't go into much detail about the issue, but it's pretty representative. From what you said, it seems like you usually have high standards for yourself and like to be a perfectionist. You don't allow yourself any mistakes or failures.

When mistakes and failures happen, they'll unconsciously make them seem more important than they should be. This will make them feel afraid and anxious all the time.

People with perfectionism have both advantages and disadvantages. When we take a closer look at perfectionism, we can better understand ourselves and others. People with perfectionism are more willing to set high standards for themselves in life and are highly efficient.

They act quickly and decisively, without wasting any time.

The thing about perfectionists is that they hide their true feelings, which makes them seem fake and unrealistic. When you're dealing with one of these people, you can see that they're putting on a front. When they fail to complete a task, they attack and belittle themselves, which is a form of self-punishment and self-reflection. It's also a way of controlling how others see them.

Once you realize that self-attack and self-deprecation are mostly for show, you'll find that these emotions occur less often and with less intensity. This will also reduce the long-term anxiety caused by them. I'm happy to have an appointment on 1983. Thanks, and have a great day!

Hello, and thank you for meeting here. First of all, I'm going to give you a warm and powerful hug.

You care a lot about the completion of goals and the quality of completion. For example, at work, you are a very responsible person; in life, you are a person who sets high standards for yourself. In any respect, you are an outstanding person.

When goals are not completed on time or to the required standard, it is only natural to feel self-deprecation, self-suppression, and self-doubt. These feelings can easily lead to anxiety, which can make you feel unwanted, worthless, and without a sense of identity. You may be aware of your state and want to change it, but you may not know what to do.

You must be able to perceive your own state if you want to make a change.

We must consider the reasons for not accomplishing something when it is not done. Apart from subjective reasons, there are also objective reasons. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, things don't work out due to external factors.

What was our first feeling when a task was not completed? What was our true inner need at that time?

Apart from not achieving a goal, do you also feel this way at other times?

Change is a process. I hope it helps, and I wish you happiness every day.

I love you, the world, and I'm here for you.

Hello, questioner.

From your text, I can see that you are very hard on yourself. You don't want to be like this, but this self-attack is a conditioned reflex, making you distressed. You want to know what to do. I am willing to accompany you to do an analysis together, but due to the format limitations, it can only be superficial.

When you say you didn't achieve your goal or you didn't do a good job, you are belittling yourself, beating yourself up, and talking about yourself in a very negative way.

I don't know when you started being so self-critical and self-defeating. If it's been a long-standing problem, I'll try to guess.

Hypothesis 1: The existence of any pattern may have secondary benefits. In other words, such a pattern has once "benefited" you. The root of "benefit" often leads to "self-protection." For example, when we feel that the outside world is uncontrollable, fear will arise within us. If it is all because of "me," then at least I can control it, and that fear will be reduced. Perhaps, when we do a bad job, immediate self-criticism can spare us from the blame and criticism of others. Self-criticism is always more acceptable than the blame and criticism of others. At least there will be less shame.

Hypothesis 2: Someone important to you when you were growing up was likely strict. He probably didn't allow others to make mistakes or criticized them harshly for their mistakes. This is just a hypothesis, but it's likely accurate. Over time, this person's treatment of you became a pattern for how you treat yourself.

In this regard, we can and should become aware of it in our later lives. For example, whenever you engage in self-attack, what kind of situation comes to mind, and what does that situation look like? What kind of people appear?

Conjecture 3 is the most likely explanation: the significance of existing as an independent individual was once felt to be ignored, and one had to do something to feel valued and one's existence felt.

All of the above are assumptions, but the specific reasons will be found through further exploration. The significance of finding the cause is that we can see what happened and what emotions were suppressed and stuck there at that time.

As for your question about what to do, I can tell you with certainty that this self-attack will make you feel anxious and think that no one in the world needs you.

I understand that kind of anxiety, which can feel helpless. At the same time, you are also worried that you are worthless and incapable of creating any value because you have not accomplished your goals and have not done anything well. This is sad. I don't know how you have ever gotten yourself out of that kind of anxiety. It must have been very difficult, but I also see your strength.

Remain aware of this. When self-criticism makes you anxious, tell yourself why you are anxious, what you are worried about, and what you can do to make yourself feel better. The process of rational analysis itself can relieve our anxiety. By asking ourselves these questions, we can explore our inner world and discover the true face of our anxiety.

I have provided you with an answer to your question, and I am confident it will be enlightening. If this matter is causing you a great deal of distress, you should seek professional help. A suitable listener or counselor will provide you with more support in a professional relationship and accompany you as you face problems that you cannot face alone for the time being.

Hello! I'm thrilled to be able to answer your question. I hope some suggestions can help you!

When we don't achieve our goals or aren't satisfied with the results, it's only natural to feel down. But here's the thing: we can't aim to fail. We have to aim to do it well!

When we encounter these situations, the first thing we can do is calm our emotional state. We're all human, and nobody's perfect! We all have strengths and weaknesses.

Now for the fun part! It's time to make a new plan. This plan should include two things: one for completing things and one for improving skills.

At the same time, we absolutely must build self-confidence and not negate all of ourselves because of the failure of one thing.

As mentioned above, everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and there are bound to be things that we are good at and things that we are not good at. But that's okay! We can explore through experience and find our strengths and give full play to our strengths and specialties.

And finally, we can learn more about ways to regulate our emotions! We will inevitably be shaken by a failure, but we can use scientific methods to self-regulate when we are shaken by a failure, soothe our emotional state, and allow us to move more firmly towards our goals.

I really hope that through self-reflection, you can find the perfect way to adjust and develop!

I love the world and I love you!